Faithfully
by Mopargirl1
Summary: Hiatus. A story about growth, personal discovery, and unlikely friendships. I'm not entirely sure how this story will play out. And I don't really know what to write in summary! [ Toll Road/OC] this story is rated m for adult subject matter.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer- I do not own anything in this story except my oc, no copyright infringement intended.

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><p><strong>A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step - Lao-Tzu<strong>

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><p>Toll pulled onto his street feeling exhausted and really glad he was home. It was late nearly eleven at night he was looking forward to a hot shower, frozen dinner and a soft bed. But the thought of his empty house felt suffocating this time. When he was young he had never pictured his life turning out like this. He was turning fifty in two months and he had no family. It seemed like not that long ago when he turned forty and he had felt this same longing for more but he'd told himself he had plenty of time, forty wasn't old. Then at forty-five he'd thought about looking for someone but he wasn't the out going type and how many women were men in his profession likely to meet. He didn't have any friends outside of his business partners and lets face it most of the women they attracted were the one night stand types. The ones you meet in seedy bars who generally in his experience had been around or the for hire girls. That seemed to work well for Hale and Gunnar but Hale wasn't even forty-five and Gunnar well who knew with Gunnar.<p>

It had been a longtime since he'd even been with a women, he craved way more than he could get from the women in his sphere. If he was more like Lee maybe he'd find someone, Lee had Lacy and even though she'd cheated on him she was a cut above the sort of women he could get. He knew that tomorrow he wouldn't be so concerned with it, the strain of near death experiences sometimes made you analyze life.

He pulled in his yard, coming to a stop in front of the garage and killing the engine. Telling himself he wasn't going to wallow in self pity about how unfair his life had turned out any longer. He grabbed his gear bag and headed for the front door, thinking instead about a hot shower to wash three days worth of filth away and sooth his aching muscles. Then he'd grab something to eat and crawl into bed with a good book. He opened up the door and set his bag down heading for the laundry room, he stripped throwing his cloths in the washer and turning it on. Then he headed for the master bath.


	2. Chapter 1

**And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,**

**So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,**

**The smiles that win, the tints that glow.**

**Lord Byron**

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><p>Toll noticed the moving truck when he pulled onto his road the following morning. He'd woke up to empty cupboards and a half a gallon of out of date milk, so he'd gone to the twenty four hour grocery store to buy food. When he made the turn onto his street, he immediately noticed the u-haul trucks in the yard. The old two story with its porch that wrapped around the front and down one side had set empty for two years now, in a sort of dignified decay, leaving the passerby in little doubt of its former glory. It set on the end of his street, on a knoll surrounded by tall willows and a few cottonwoods, out of place amid the cookie cutter tract housing that surrounded it. On some level, it made him happy that it would finally house people again and curious over what type of people they were.<p>

Kameron "Mac" Sinclair walked through her beautiful new home with a bounce in her step. Finally, all her hard work was paying off. Her father had said she'd never make it. Well, she had proved him wrong, she was a successful business owner and she'd just bought the house of her dreams, and she'd done it all without a man! Yes indeed she had finally arrived, all her careful planning and determination had paid off.

"Mac?" Liam called wondering where she'd gone to now, he knew she was happy and he understood that, but at the moment, they needed to know where she wanted these boxes. "Yeah" she hollered from the kitchen, appearing in the hall at the back of the house outside the kitchen door. "Can you come tell us where you want this stuff." She rolled her eyes in mock annoyance, smiled and said "they are clearly labeled brother." He nodded and replied sarcastically, "ya, I see that but I don't know where the living room, dining room, office, and everything else goes sister." Eyes twinkling she answered, "living room stuff in the big room to the right, dining room is the big room to the left, the office is the room back here with all the book cases, and put everything else not marked bedroom, bathroom or garage in the room between the kitchen and dining room. I will sort through everything that goes in there later." Liam smiled his beautiful little sisters good mood was infectious today. Despite the wreck his own life was at the moment, Mac was happy so he'd be happy with her! "10 4 captain!" He replied, chuckling he went outside to help with the unloading. Macs friend Tess had come to help out, along with two of Liam's own friends.

Toll found himself increasingly curious about the new people down the street, as he'd been unloading groceries he'd seen a big red truck pull up across the street, two guys climbed out and walked toward the house and he saw a black lab come bounding out of the driveway to meet them, one of them bent down to pet it. Then they started for the house again disappearing up the drive way, the young lab prancing along beside. Funny, he wasn't usually curious about his neighbors, but he found himself wondering if it was a large family or one or two people. The house was really big for one person, it was the kind of place you bought if you had a family or were planning to soon. He thought about walking down and introducing himself then instantly changed his mind, he wasn't the type to go around introducing himself to strangers. Yet, even after a day of settling back in and hanging out at Tools he still found himself curious.

The irritating beep, beep, beep of Macs alarm clock woke her up at six thirty, she so desperately wanted to hit snooze but knew she couldn't. There was no way, she had so much to accomplish today and she wanted to go for a run so it was now or never. She rolled out of bed and got up heading down the hall to the room Liam was sleeping in, she hoped her stubborn brother and Beth could work things out, she loved them both they'd been married for four years now. She wasn't sure exactly what had happened between them, but she imagined it was Liam's penchant for staying out late and drinking and when you had a child on the way that didn't work so well. She opened up his door, stepping inside, "wakey, wakey, hands of snakey." She said quoting her brothers favorite tv show. "What do you want?" He asked, not moving at all. "It's time to run." He grumbled into his pillow, "not this morning." She laughed, "I told you, you wouldn't want to go last night, but you insisted I wake you." He grumbled some more and threw a pillow at her, "go away." He said. She laughed and left the room. Heading back to her own room, goose her one year old lab puppy, was laying on the foot of her bed his tail thumping, whole body wiggling. "Well," she began stopping to pet him, "at least someone besides me is in a good mood." Mac changed into yoga pants and a tank top, brushed her teeth, and combed her hair, pulling it up in a messy bun. She pulled on socks and a pair of gray and black pumas, then headed downstairs. She never ate or drank before her morning run, it was better if you didn't, you boosted your metabolism better. She had no idea where Goose's harness and leash were at the moment, so she looked down at her overeager companion and said, "you better stay with me, I have no idea where your leash is, but I'm going to let you go anyway." He thumped his tail and whined as if in agreement, she arched her eyebrow looking down at him and said, "I'll remember you agreed mister."

She didn't know the neighborhood so what she had planned on being a thirty minute power run had turned into an hour. It was nearly seven-thirty when she found the other end of her road, and she needed to be at her office at eight thirty. She started down the road at a full on sprint, she couldn't be late for this appointment, Mrs.. Caffery was a wealthy and influential client, if Mac did an exemplary job catering this anniversary party for her, it would mean taking her business to a whole other level.

Toll had decided to run this morning, not something he did nearly often enough, he stepped out the front door, locking it behind him and turned on his iPod sticking in his ear buds, he left his house heading the back way, there was a slight grade heading this way, it worked your body harder. He hadn't got far when he looked up and saw someone running in his direction, the someone was a she and she wasn't just running she was sprinting, she moved from the sidewalk to the road as she got closer, but all the same she looked at him and gave him a friendly smile, and a wave as she passed by. She had stunning eyes a bright emerald green, and her smile was gorgeous, he found himself smiling in return. He kept running then stopped and looked back, he hadn't noticed the young lab following along behind her before, curious if she was his new neighbor, he decided to watch, she stopped running just the other side of his house hands on her hips, she started walking, she looked back over her shoulder, even from a distance he could see she smiled at him again then disappeared up the last driveway on the street.

Toll ran close to three miles in all, his legs were sore, but it was a good kind of sore, not like the kind he usually felt, as a result of job hazards, or from sitting on a plane for hours. He felt good today, almost happy. It's amazing what a friendly smile accompanied by the greenest eyes he'd ever seen was doing for him. A man could fall right into those eyes, to use the corny cliche. He gave himself a mental shake never one to dwell on a pretty face long his mind moved onto other things.

Mac had made it to her meeting, but barely, she wasn't nearly as put together as she had wanted. All her makeup had vanished along with her hair products, so she showered dried her hair and twist braided it. Then put on a pair of dark blue rock republic jeans a gray frilly tank top, black cardigan and black ankle boots. She didn't do more than glance in the mirror, when she got downstairs Liam was waiting by the door with the keys to his truck, "couldn't find your keys." He said by way of explanation. She smiled, gave him a big hug and said "I'll see you in a few hours." Running out the door and down the driveway. She was incredibly glad that Liam knew her well enough to know, she was a. late, and b. always lost her keys. She climbed into his black lifted F-350, and started her up, a puff of black smoke from the 7.3 diesel filling the air.

Her meeting went off without a hitch, she got the job! She spent longer at the office than she had intended. Making final adjustments to a menu for a wedding she was doing this Saturday, she left her assistant Anna with a shopping list and headed home. She needed to get back and get her kitchen unpacked and cleaned, she had a guy coming to start the commercial licensing papers Thursday. Hopefully that would be as smooth as her morning had gone. In the mood to celebrate she stopped by the grocery store on her way home. She would cook Liam grilled flank steak with avocado salsa, and cauliflower rice for dinner it was one of his favorites.

Toll wasn't really surprised when Hale showed up, or that he wanted to head to Tools. His friend was nothing but predictable, telling him he should have gone out last night. Teasing him about the little red headed waitress named Amber at the old point bar their usual hangout. How she'd asked where he was, he didn't doubt that she had, the women had made in plainly evident she'd be more than willing to take him for a ride any time. He personally wanted nothing to do with it, she'd had a bit more experience than he found appealing. The first night they'd seen her there she'd gone home with Gunnar, but before they'd left she made sure Toll knew he had an open invitation anytime. Her constant pursuit of him, gave the guys something to give him shit about. Or rather one more thing in a long line of things, if it wasn't his reading habits, it was his ear, if it wasn't his ear it was his quote unquote shyness with women, so Amber only added fuel to the fire, Hale had dubbed him a prude, Gunnar had encouraged him to live a little, swearing Amber was a damn good ride. Yeah,that was a stellar recommendation if he'd heard one, he really didn't want any part of Gunnar's leftovers.

That night he ended up at the usual hangout, luckily for him Amber had called in sick that didn't stop the ribbing he got from or the others. Toll had very little to say as usual he let them have their fun, at his expense.


	3. Chapter 2

**serendipity**

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><p>Five days later<p>

Toll heard them coming long before he saw them, he was in his garage changing the oil in his bike; when he heard the first peal of laughter and a taunting voice saying, "look now I'm running circles around you backwards!" Followed by more loud feminine laughter. Then "you better be careful or I'm going to kick your little ass." The voice sounding winded but good natured. He stepped outside of his garage to see what was going on, he found the display entertaining the girl he recognized from a few days ago, the man he hadn't seen before. She was running in circles backwards around the guy who was running also. Her smile was radiant and mischievous, she said in a laughing voice, "that would require you catching me first." At that moment her gaze came to him and she tripped landing on her backside, she instantly started laughing her gaze coming back to him, the man stopped and looked over at him, then back at the women, "that's karma." He announced then reached out taking her hand and helping her up. She brushed herself off. Toll turned chuckled to himself and stepped back inside.

When Mac finished wiping herself off, the man had gone back into his garage. He wasn't what one would call handsome, but he was defiantly masculine and he had an amazing smile. As she and Liam walked the rest of the way to her house she looked back twice to see if she could see him, which Liam noticed and teased her about. Saying "oh has little sister found something she likes?" She rolled her head eyes and shook her head in annoyance, "hey" he began nudging her with his elbow, "maybe you could ask him to go on your morning run with you." His laughter following her into the house.

Liam teased Mac a lot that day about their neighbor, even going so far as to offer to hook her up. Mac told him at one point that if she decided she wanted it done, she didn't need him to do it for her. But truthfully she didn't want a man in her life no matter how nice his smile was, she wasn't ready for it yet. She and Neal had only split up eight months ago and what he'd put her through had messed her up. Their two year relationship had been great for the first year and a half then he'd turned violent. As for their neighbor she would just admire his smile from a safe distance.

That afternoon Toll stopped by the gas station about a mile from his house, he needed to fill up before he headed to Tools, he got off his bike and started across the parking lot and saw the man from this morning walking out the door. He looked pissed off to Toll. They nodded to each other in acknowledgement, neither saying a word. Toll couldn't help but notice the wedding ring on the guys finger...

A WEEK LATER*

Toll decided it was time to leave when a bunch of young men and women came into the bar dressed as what looked like 40's and 50's gangsters, he remembered reading about an upcoming charity event for a children's shelter in town, it was a costume event, famous cops and robbers had been the theme. He watched them take seats at two tables across the room, he turned back around in his seat content to finish his drink then get out of here. The only reason he was in this spot tonight instead of the Old Point was to steer clear of Amber. The others he knew were at their regular place but he'd wanted a break from the girls pestering, he wanted to tell her to cool it, he wasn't interested but he didn't want to hurt her feelings and Hale didn't help things always teasing, never letting it go.

He had just finished his last bit of whiskey in his glass when someone leaned against the bar beside him backwards resting on their elbows, he looked over to see a pair of sparkling emerald green eyes looking at him from under the brim of Frank Sinatra style hat, set at a rakish angle, her dark hair in an off center bun at the base of her head, full blood red lips titled up on one side. Momentarily shocked it took him a moment to realize who it was standing beside him, a smile spread across his lips as he took her in, confused. "Hi" she said tilting her head to the side. She was much more than pretty up close, she had high cheekbones, her nose slightly turned up on the end, she had full sultry lips, but by far her best feature were her eyes, almond shaped and presently twinkling, giving the observer the impression she knew something he didn't. "Hi," he said finally finding his voice; she turned setting down on the stool beside him. He took in her pinstriped suit jacket cut to hug her curves and her matching pants; god she was a looker. "I saw you setting here and it dawned on me, we've shared the occasional smile and wave but I don't even know your name." Toll had to remind himself no matter how sexy he found her she was a married women. He cleared his throat and thought for a moment, "Toll." He answered. Her smile broadened, turning on her stool to face him, she stuck her hand out and said, "I am Mac." Tool took her outstretched hand in his and shook it, goose bumps rising up on his skin at her touch. What was a married women doing look at him that way, her gaze almost inviting. Ya those eyes were dangerous. He pulled his hand back and said suddenly needing to remind himself she had a husband, "I see you and your husband running frequently." Mac laughed the sound almost musical, "I'm not married."

"Boyfriend then?" he asked his smile slipping slightly. Her smile grew brighter if it was possible and said, "brother." Laughing slightly, "but people make that mistake a lot. We look absolutely nothing alike and we spend a lot of time together, so people who don't know us assume." That news made him happy indeed for reasons he didn't understand, so he asked "who are you supposed to be?" Before he could make a complete ass of himself. She gave him thoroughly charming look, "Clyde." She announced, then turned and pointed at a pretty blond dressed in a red dress and said, "that's my Bonnie." Then explaining she said, "neither one of us had a date."

The bartender appeared in front of them and asked if they wanted a drink, drawing her attention from him, she gave the bartender a smile and said, "umm, let me see, how about a Sam Adams draft." The bartender nodded and smiled then turned his attention to Toll. He'd been planning on leaving but one more drink wouldn't hurt anything, "whiskey." He said. She turned back in his direction, she smiled at him again and suddenly he realized he had no idea what to say to her. She studied him a moment her eyes coming to rest of his ear, then drifting back down and pausing on his mouth. Her attention to his ear making him feel more self-conscious, he always worried about what people thought of his deformity, this time was different though he didn't want her to find it grotesque. When her eyes came back to his she had an inquisitive look on her face, expecting her to ask about his ear, she surprised him when she asked "so what do you do?" She caught him off guard, off all thing she could have asked that wasn't what he'd been expecting but his preprogrammed answer came out easily, "I'm in the import business." He could tell she was curious but quickly asked her "so how do you like the house?" She smiled successfully redirected, "it's amazing" Tolls phone buzzed, he reached in his pocket and pulled it out, it was a text from Hale

Where the hell are you? Hale

Having a drink.. he replied then glanced up at her, she was studying him intently. Her eyes fixed on his, holding her gaze he found himself tongue-tied again, he had no idea what to say to her. A slight smile crept onto her pretty face, he got the feeling she knew he didn't know what to say, her secretive little smile broadened slightly, for some reason putting him at ease, he said, "I bet it is, I've always thought it was a beautiful place." His phone went off again.

Again where the hell are you? Hale

Talking to a beautiful women.. he replied when he glanced up this time she wasn't looking at him, his phone went off again.

Ya right, put the book down and come hangout.. Hale

Toll shook his head tell the man the truth and he wouldn't believe ya.

Mac watched him suddenly curious who he was texting that made a faint smile appear on his lips. Before she knew it she blurted out, "girlfriend?" Instantly embarrassed her cheeks flamed red.

"Girlfriend?" The question surprised him, his gaze snapping back to her. He observed her embarrassed expression, and said, "no, don't have one of those." "Me either," she nervously blurted out embarrassing herself even more. He laughed, her facial expression comical. His phone went off again, the text reading seriously man we are all here waiting on you, so put away your blow up doll or put down your book, Barney needs to talk to us all.. Hale

He replied, She's actually not a blow up doll and I'm on my way.

His attention came back to her, "hey I got to go." She nodded and said, "oh, okay." He finished his drink, and stood up looking down at her where she set, "it was nice to get the name that goes with that smile." She smiled and looked away a moment her cheeks turning slightly pink, "thanks, and you too." He held her gaze a moment, her eyes were mesmerizing, damn he thought, then said, "see ya around?" It came out more like a question than a statement, "Ya, You too." She answered, he paused long enough to hand the bartender money for their drinks and walked off, she watched him till he had excited the bar.

He looked good in those tan cargo pants and blue and yellow button down shirt, she decided very good. Tess, the Bonnie to her Clyde appeared at her side, "who was that?" Tess asked her voice appreciative, "one of my new neighbors." Tess said, "he's rather manly, in the manliest sense of the word." Mac chuckled and said, "ya I noticed."

"So what's his name?" Tess asked.

"Toll, I guess."

"That's gotta be a nickname."

"Ya for sure and he's off limits." Mac said surprising Tess and herself, Tess looked at her speculatively, "don't give me that look I just want to get to know him and if you get involved you'll break his heart and then I won't get the friend."

"Friend, hunh?" Tess questioned, not believing that was the reason Mac protested. She asked Mac, " what color eyes does Mr. Beefcake have?" Mac just looked at Tess, "oh crap." Tess began, then continued, "they are green, aren't they?" Mac smiled she had a thing for green-eyed men, she didn't know why she just did, maybe it was because green eyes were rare or because she had green eyes.

Toll walked into The Old Point with a smile on his face, much to the shock and surprise of his friends. He didn't delude himself into thinking he could stand any chance with her, but at the very least he had a potential friend. He took a seat beside Hale, who looked at him and asked, "what are you smiling for?"

"I already told you." Was the only reply he made, he stayed in a good mood that night, Amber's advances didn't even really bother him. They had a job they needed to leave for tomorrow night, so they all headed home by eleven. He fell asleep thinking about Mac.

Mac awoke the next morning embarrassed; Liam's pestering her about Toll, had got her curious. She did find him incredibly attractive. Being that close to him had been slightly disconcerting at first, he was overwhelmingly male, his body all hard muscle and a lot of it, it made her feel giddy and her mouth water ever so slightly. He oozed raw power and sexuality. A man like him could be profoundly dangerous, danger could be an extremely powerful element. She didn't want a relationship and sex wasn't an option.

The only time in her entire life she had one timer it had been with a man who oozed sexuality and danger. The difference was he'd used his extreme good looks and silver tongue, pursuing her till she broke. She'd known all he wanted was sex but still it had left her feeling used and dirty. So now she stayed away from every man who could put her in that place.

She thought about not running this morning wanting to hide, her embarrassment almost winning out but she who was not afraid of anything could handle an awkward moment if she had too.

Toll thought about going for a run just so he could run into her again but couldn't see the point. She'd been friendly last night and slightly flirtatious but his gut said it was just her. Besides he didn't have time for a run this morning he had shit to do.


	4. Chapter 3

The next morning when Mac went for her run, she didn't see him, still no him the next day by the end of day three, after she'd not even caught a glimpse of him, she concluded he wasn't around. A rather brilliant conclusion at that. Liam was running with her in the mornings and noted to his great amusement that his sister was defiantly watching for the neighbor.

Mac lay in bed almost asleep, absentmindedly running her fingers up and down Goose's spine. Her mind focused on Toll, her thoughts jumping from one mystery about him to the other. Currently speculating on his name, Toll it was a strange name, she knew it was a nickname and she really wanted to know where it came from. Tess, was right he was most defiantly manly, he had the look of a man who had seen and done things, it all added to his dangerous appeal. She wondered what had happened to his ear, to her knowledge you only received that kind of wound from a certain kind of trauma to the ear, most commonly seen with wrestlers. Beyond the brooding sexuality he possessed, that he seemed to keep contained, there was something more, something she had glimpsed in those amazing eyes of his and if she'd be honest with herself, which was always easier when one was in bed, and there was darkness to cloak their secrets, that look put her in way more danger than anything physical. He searched for something. Something lost or something he'd never found, she could identify with searching for something you'd never found. As much as she felt she'd finally arrived her dreams were coming true, there had always been something just out of reach.

There was just something about him, his hesitant mannerisms, he didn't exude confidence, anything but. He brought to mind the saying, still waters run deep. The way he looked at her and with those eyes... She set up frustrated "ah" she shouted, banging her fists on the mattress. She flopped back down on the bed. What the hell was wrong with her, twenty-eight year olds and fantasizing about some man who's real name she didn't even know, like she was the heroin in some badly written romance novel. Besides the man she wanted didn't exist, a cross between Cary Grant and Paul Newman, all Cary Grants swagger and charm and Paul Newman's looks add some green eyes and you had the perfect man. Liam opened the door, and asked, "are you alright?" She basically growled at him and said, "I'm fine, just having a moment."

"Alright," Ian said and closed the door stumbling off to bed shaking his head use to his sisters _moments_ as she put it. He bet he knew what this moment was about.

Goose, who had moved himself a safe distance away, started inching back toward her, she flopped onto her side and scowled at him, then said "come on." He snuggled up beside her and promptly fell asleep.

The next day she became completely caught up with planning and preparations for the Caffery anniversary party. It was in three weeks, she had to meet with the party planner, and Mrs Caffery. Then she had to meet with the florist, Mrs. Caffery had decided she wanted the flowers on the cake the same shade as the orchids on the tables, the exact shade... By the end of the day Mac was to annoyed with her client to spare a thought about Toll.

Toll, had found that a certain little green eyed neighbor seemed to keep popping up in his thoughts and now that he was on his way home it was worse. It had been five days since he'd left and he had probably thought about her at least twenty times a day. Try as he might, he couldn't shake her, he didn't understand it. He didn't even know her, he had a name, and he knew where she lived and that was it. The problem was this women, he didn't even know made him think but worse still she made him dream, and what could come of that? Nothing that's what, she was young and vibrant almost terrifyingly so and he was what? Acting like a teenage boy, with a crush on the popular girl who would never be more than a wish. Even knowing all of this, the closer they got to home, the more excited he got about the prospect of seeing those eyes, and that beguiling smile. Yes indeed, he was anxious and nervous, at the same time dreading it and eagerly anticipating it. Even though he knew it wouldn't lead him anywhere.

That afternoon she received a visitor, her friend Jake who'd moved to California a few years back showed up at her door, a dozen Mona Lisa Lillie's in his hand and a smile on his lips. When she opened the door he grabbed her swinging her around in the front porch. He had a plan, they were leaving tomorrow to go bow fishing.

Tolls fixation didn't improve after he got home, he had spent half the night berating himself. The first thing he did was check out her place, to see if her lights were on. Then agonized over when he'd see her again, try as he may no matter how many times he told himself, she would never be interested in him, he couldn't be this taken with her already, nothing changed the fact that after a few smiles, and about three sentences she was in his head. After hours of heavy self analyzation, he told himself it wasn't her, it was what she represented that was in his head, the dream, a fantasy of a normal mans life.

The following morning he saw her, she was carrying a large case down her front steps, it looked like a gun case. He had just finished his run, making the loop he always took. He hadn't quite made the end of their street yet. He watched her place the case on the ground at the back of the big black truck he'd seen her brother driving. She looked good, he noted the closer he got, he'd never really seen her in everyday cloths, she had on tight faded jeans rolled up around about mid calf, sandals and a black tank-top. Her hair was hanging loose down her back, the dark brown color laced with red highlights. She hadn't seen him yet, she walked around the truck, when she came back into view she had on an off white straw cowboy hat the kind that the sides are all rolled up. He smiled faintly, she didn't strike him as the cowboy hat type.

When he got closer, he thought about walking over and starting a conversation, quickly changing his mind. He put his head down and kept on walking, he'd almost made it by when he heard, "hey!" He looked over, she was standing there hands on her hips giving him an annoyed look, which the smile tugging at her lips belied. Her look turned expectant when he didn't answer right away, then filled with mischief and laughter. "Are you trying to pretend you didn't see a struggling women?" She asked walking toward him, his feet, all of their own accord started moving him toward her. Slightly embarrassed at being caught doing almost exactly what she said, his face reddened ever so slightly. Which of course she noticed, and said as her bright eyes travelled over his face, "you were! So much for chivalry." She came to a stop in front of him, by the end of the truck, looking up at him, she didn't know what to say for a moment, he was so tall. Actually he was just a large man in general, and at that moment he was looking down at her as if he didn't know what to do with her but there was something else in his gaze something that nearly had her squirming. Never tongue-tied, Mac smiled and drug her eyes from his, she said "I don't know if I should feel offended." Her voice sounding playful. He said, "don't be offended." Suddenly worried she was serious, she looked back at him, the smile she gave him from under that hat putting him at ease. "So what do you need help with?" he asked. "I was just playing." She said, her voice filled with laughter. God those eyes, he had to do something quick so he said, "well I am here, so I might as well help, far be it for me to ignore a damsel in distress." The smile she gave him, full of open amusement. "She stepped back and said, "why thank you kind sir, but I'm not sure if it chivalrous when said maiden has to ask." She was walking toward her bags, and for a half a second he just watched slightly embarrassed and thoroughly charmed yet again.

He helped her load her stuff and watched her drive off, he shook his head no longer just charmed, now, enchanted was a better word. Of all the thing she could be doing, heading off bow fishing wasn't what he'd have expected.

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><p><strong>So dear readers, for the second half of this chapter I have to beg a favor, I ask that you stop reading now and go to youtube. And listen to Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon- times a wasting. This part of the chapter has been very difficult to write and I'm afraid I have in no way nailed it but I need it for the story over all so I decided to brave it.<strong>

**So when you read the part about the song think Joaquin Phoenix voice and Johnny Cash's on stage charisma and chemistry. He and June were amazing, he gravitated around her dancing, looking, adoring. That's what I was going for.**

**if it's horrible I apologize in advance and promise to get back on track.**

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><p>Jake looked down at Mac as they entered the bar, she looked hesitant and not at all comfortable. The old Point was defiantly not her choice of hangout. But he'd suggested they go get a beer on their way back in town, so here she stood sunburned, covered in mosquito bites and smelling like the river. Wearing short cut off jean shorts, brown cowboy boots, a grey tank top, black hoodie and that cowboy hat which she was presently trying to hide under. He chuckled, his little Mac had certainly changed from the wild and crazy girl of years ago. He almost felt bad for her but not bad enough to leave, the singer in the band playing here tonight was an old friend he wanted to see before he left town.<p>

They found a table and settled in to the watch the band, Liam arrived not long after they showed up. The band took a break and Jake wandered off to talk to his friend. Mac got asked for a dance which she turned down. She had no desire to dance with dirty minded old bikers or smug young men. She knew she looked like a bar fluesy dressed this way but that didn't mean she'd act like one.

She looked up when she heard Jake's voice come over the mic after the last song stopped, "well guys I have to tell you a story, the story of a night years ago when I fell in love with this amazing little women." Mac shook her head and scowled he'd better not be doing what she thought he was doing, he held her gaze across the bar mischief filled blue to murderous green. "And when I told her how I felt, she took my heart and stomped on it, actually she grinned it." Their was a laugh from somewhere in the room, "she literally laughed in my face and yet I'm the man she calls when she needs something, so I don't think Mr. johnny Cash would mind if I stole one of his songs, as a way to tell you good gentlemen all about it." Mac held his gaze, as a murmur of approval went up in the crowd. "Ya, you know who you are," he said as he began, he played Cryy, Cry, cry. The whole time maintaining eye contact, thoroughly pleased with himself. The entire bar was in no doubt of who he was singing to. When he got done signing and the music stopped he said holding her gaze. "now I was just thinking its only fair if you guys could see exactly why I fell in love with this women." Mac shook her head checks flaming and mouthed, don't. you. dare. Jake's eyes just danced some more, they had the overall approval of the room, judging by the noise. "Let me tell you, it all started over a microphone, oh maybe four years ago. Her eyes sparkled and I was lost, I've never been the same since." Mac couldn't help it she giggled and smiled. "So, what do you say June?" Mac rolled her eyes and admitted defeat, she got up and headed for the stage, a loud sound of applause going up.

She stepped onto the stage face bright red, Jake handed her a guitar, the look on his face filled with smug satisfaction. They started playing in unison moving closer to the mic, Jake facing her walking backwards across the stage staring down on her, obviously amused.

The opening strains of times a wasting started, Toll watched in a bit of shock, she was strumming along on that guitar almost messing up the first couple notes, she soon got it, she moved in closer as the guy she was singing with leaned into the mic and sang the opening line "I got arms"

Then she leaned closer for her turn "and I got arms"  
>Together they sang "let's get together and use those arms, lets go times a wasting"<p>

She leaned back slightly as he sang "I got lips" then she swayed closer, and sang  
>"And I got lips, let's gets together and use those lips, let's go times wasting." Her voice hit a higher note as she sang, "Well a cakes no good if you don't mix the batter and bake it."<p>

He leaned close again, "and loves just a bubble if you don't take the trouble to make it," then together, "so if your free to go with me I'll take it quicker then a 1,2,3, lets go time a wasting."

He watched them on the stage their chemistry obvious, he danced around her strumming away on the guitar, he caught a glimpse of her face she was glowing, that secretive smile on her face. At the second guitar rift, her gaze strayed around the room as she strummed away her shoulders moving in time to the beat, she passed by him, then her gaze shot back her smile broadening she winked at him, then her companion stole her attention back, moving in close to her before the words started again. They were an amazing pair to watch, dancing around each other, sway to the music the entire time singing a song. She sang, with a strong twang that she didn't talk with, the entire bar full of drunks and misfits were clapping in time to the beat and cat calling.

She smiled brightly up the guy when he leaned down further then necessary his lips almost on the mic and sang "loves just a bubble if you don't take the time to make it," she joined in," so if your free to go with me I'll take it quicker than a 1,2, 3," Winking up at him, a smile on her face, "let's go times a wastin', let's go times a wastin." when they finished a general roar went up in the crowd, even his own table. Lee wolf whistled. Lacy clapped, loudest, but all he could really do was stare, her gaze shifted to him, she gave him a smile and might have headed in his direction but the man she'd been singing with took her guitar and picked her up with one arm swinging her around. She laughed and lost her cowboy hat on the ground. The man didn't put her down just handed the guitar off to someone else and bent down to pick up her hat and placed it on her head, his arm around her waist the entire time. They stood talking to the band and then the music started back up, this time from the jukebox, the man pulled her onto the dance floor and spun around to sharp dressed man. They were as good on the dance floor as they were singing, he had decided she was a little to bright a star for him.

It took her a longtime to finally get a chance to look for him again, she was slightly embarrassed, she hadn't been spun around a floor this much since she been in her early twenties. But Jake had to have his way, and he was just charming enough she couldn't tell him no. Thankfully, someone had asked him to sing Cocaine Blues, and he could sound remarkably like the man in black if he wanted. She looked around the bar she didn't see Toll at the table with his companions, so she wandered to the bar to get a water, after she got it, she turned down a couple of dance offers. Jake was busy dancing to drunk on you with some little red head, she noted her serving beer earlier. She set down at an empty table and watched Jake, after a bit her gaze scanned the room. Toll was back at his table and he was watching, so were a couple of his companions, a rather large black guy, and an even more enormous blond. She looked at Toll, smiled and tipped her hat.

Toll had watched her since she set down, she leaned forward on her elbows and watched the dance floor, her gaze eventually travelled in his direction, she gave him that infectious little smile and tipped her hat. Caesar instantly said, "I knew she was checking me out," he went to stand, saying,"watch this boys I will show you how a man does it." Toll stood before him, and said, "I got this." With that he walked off. Caesar said his voice indignant, "what the hell." Barney watched the girl watch Toll, her pretty smile growing even brighter, her eyes never leaving him and said, "I think she got the one she wanted."

Toll felt the pull of those eyes across the room, it only intensified as he got closer, that smile working its magic. He took a seat across from her, she smiled and as always it was breathtaking, neither said anything for a moment. Then she asked, "how long have you been here?" Looking slightly embarrassed, even in the dim light he could see her cheeks color. He smiled and chuckled folding his thick arms over his chest, he leaned back and said, "long enough." She smiled in return and said, "the reason in coming to a hole in the wall like this is not seeing anyone you know." Her eyes twinkled, and her eyebrow twitched, "that way there's no evidence." She finished on a laugh. He shook his head, "well that hat is some form of disguise I guess but what about your friend, isn't he evidence?" She laughed out right, the sound full of mirth, not at all feminine, it was an infectious sound, "oh no," she began shaking her head and laughing, "I have so much on him he knows to keep his mouth shut." He watched her, he'd never seen anyone quite like her. When she stopped laughing her eyes were watering. He assumed it was an inside joke but he laughed anyway, her laugh having that effect on him. When she got ahold of herself she said, "believe me, he was my partner in crime long enough that he knows better."  
>"Really?" He asked his voice full of curiosity. She shook her head and said, "nope, I'm not telling you anything." Leaning back in her seat, she mimicked his pose and arched her eyebrow. Again he chuckled, she looked so cute. Her eyes sparkling with a naughty light, as if saying neaner, neaner neaner. "How was the bow fishing?" He asked, he studied her face watching her feature, she was so animated. "It was great." Looking down she said, "there's something about shooting a fish that's super fun," her eyes came back to him, then speculated, "well, that could be a lot to do with the alcohol." He shook his head slightly and leaned forward, "you're a strange little thing." He said his voice full of good humor. "No, I'm not." She said giving him a dirty look, and trying to sound offended but failing.<p>

She glanced at the table he'd come from and leaned her elbows on the table again. Her eyes coming back to him, she looked at him from in under the brim of her hat, she said, "we're being watched." Toll glanced in their direction then back at her, her beautiful eyes catching him, gone was the mirth of a moment ago. He held her gaze, seeing how a man could lose all control because of a women, he didn't even know her really and he felt it. That smile crept onto her face and the spell broke, she asked leaning back again, "what do you think, they're thinking?" It took him a moment to say anything, he was certain he didn't want to know, "you probably don't want to know, I for one don't."

They spent probably an hour talking, he told her his real name the one his mother had given him, Garret Roads, he explained he'd picked up Toll in college when he wrestled and it had stuck with him. She asked him to tell her about himself except for the obvious, when he asked what the obvious was she said "you know, like you have green eyes," she looked away then slowly back again and continued, "a really nice smile," her cheeks a little red again, "that your physically fit, oh and that you live near by." He watched her, his smile vanishing, his eyes taking on that odd light she'd seen before. Be careful his brain said, don't lose yourself. His gaze dropped to her full slightly parted lips, then travelled back to her eyes. He took a deep breath to help him gain control of himself. He was in trouble if her just commenting on his smile had this kind of effect.

He regained his composure and gave her what she wanted, at least as much as he could. Being careful around the areas of grey, like work. At first he'd been uneasy and slightly withdrawn, but that smile won out, she'd put him at ease again.

He'd never thought about telling anyone so much, he found he liked it, her beautiful eyes always on him, studying his features. Her smile weaving its spell, her laugh making him laugh. When she finally said she had to go, he stood with her almost wishing she'd stay. He didn't offer to introduce her to the guys, it would have been the polite thing to do but this was his moment, this hour had giving him a glimpse of what normal was like and he wanted to keep it that way. She looked up at him as she pulled on her hoodie, Jake gave it to her when he and Liam left awhile back. She looked up at him, her eyes traveling over his face, she said,"can I ask you something?"  
>"What's one more." He said waiting, an expectant look on his face, his smile indulgent.<br>"It's a little personal." She said giving him a skeptical look, and biting her bottom lip. He watched her teeth sink into her full lip, he said his voice slightly gruff, "you can but if I dont want to answer, I won't."  
>"Your ear?" Well he hadn't been expecting that, he'd actually forgot about it while talking to her. She waited expectantly watching him, he answered "wrestling." He suddenly needed to know, "does it bother you?" He asked his gaze holding hers, she gave him a surprised look at his question and said, "no,not at all I was just curious." A smile tugging at his lips, he watched her, and he felt relief. He didn't know how much what she thought was going to matter until this moment. Wanting to break the strange mood he was in, she leaned a little closer and glanced at his friends, then asked looking back at him her eyes mischievous, "should I wave by to the audience or take bow perchance." He shook his head laughing, and said "go ahead." Her smile became full on naughty. She threw her arms around him and hugged him tight, after a moment she whispered "this show only works if you hug me back." He slid his arms around her, then she peaked out around his shoulder and waved at them. "Sorry, if that was too much." She apologized as she backed up, afraid she might have crossed a line. He took a deep breath and held her gaze, "don't worry about it." Mac knew instantly, no matter what he said she'd crossed a line. As she walked off she felt acutely embarrassed, she didn't normally behave like that.<p>

Toll, made his way back to his seat, he knew what was coming. But, he didn't care, he set down a smile on his face. Hale just stared at him, then asked "are you leading a double life?" Toll ignored him, let him think whatever he wanted. He got a fair amount of ribbing about her from everyone except Billy and Lacy, Barney himself joined in once. And by the end of the night his high was gone, Hale had said about the only thing that could kill his good mood, "what in the hell, would a girl like that want with weirdo like you." He knew Hale hadn't meant anything by it just having fun but still it held truth. She showered the same attention on her friend Jake as him, it would be best to distance himself from her, he'd already had that thought but one smile and it had all been forgotten.


	5. Chapter 4

**Well you only need the light when it's burning low**

**Only miss the sun when it starts to snow**

** Passenger**

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><p>Toll was feeling disgusted with himself for allowing a pretty little face to turn his head, really, to get in his head. She hadn't done anything beside being a flirt, he was the one that looked a fool. He'd seen for himself she liked to flirt, she had done it on the stage with her friend Jake, her gaze fixed on him like she couldn't look anywhere else. Then she'd done the same with him, and he'd certainly made a fool of himself, allowing himself to get drawn in.<p>

Hale's words echoing in his ears, "what in the hell, does a girl like that want with a weirdo like you?"

He'd never ever been the guy to attract the beautiful ones and whatever let him believe that she had picked him out of all those men in the bar last night, was beyond him. She smiled at him simply because her friend was other wise occupied, she hadn't made any attempt to draw him out before she'd been left alone. He'd been a familiar face and like an idiot he'd gone running. One glimpse of that smile directed at him and he'd marched right over.

Mac had managed to embarrass herself enough last night she didn't run in the morning. She was in no way ready to see him, apparently all her bravado had fled, she was afraid of her own embarrassment. She walked Goose down to the river, she knew she was safe here, she owned the four acres between her house and the water. Why on earth had she hugged him, oh who was she kidding she knew why, he was compelling and after nearly an hour of listening to him talk about himself, which instinct told her wasn't something he did often, you could tell he was a private man by nature. She'd wanted to touch him, so she had. She should have pulled back, when he didn't return it quickly, actually she shouldn't have done it at all. It wasn't like her, she never hugged or touched people she didn't have history with, a hand shake was one thing, but throwing yourself into the arms of a man you didn't know was stupid. She did have to admit the feel of his broad chest had been as impressive as she'd figured it would be, all hard muscle, and he'd smelt good like fabric softener with a hint of gun cleaning oil, and black powder. Gun cleaning oil and black powder she had loved those smells since childhood, her father being an avid hunter had meant she'd grown up with them. It reminded her of a happier time in her childhood, before her father had decided she hadn't turned out like he wanted.

Toll had made up his mind, it was best if he avoid her for now, it was the best idea. She wasn't for him she was only being her and he was to susceptible, for some reason. He wasn't going to fall for a girl who couldn't be more than twenty-four, it could only end badly. When she'd thrown her arms around him he'd felt utter shock, his body growing tense, and instead of returning the hug he'd stood there, like a fish out of water until she told him this only worked if he hugged her back. For just a second he'd forgotten the reason for her touch was to give the guys a show, then she reminded him, but still the feel of her much littler body pressed against him had been nice, it hadn't mattered why she did it, just that she was there pressed against him, her slender arms wrapped around his chest. Her head not quiet reaching his shoulder, her body had felt soft and warm and unsettling.

So he settled back into life, avoiding her, he ran on his treadmill, even though he'd way rather be outside running and slowly fell back into the life he'd had before he'd seen those emerald eyes and that pretty little smile. Eventually the guys quit giving him shit about her. Amber carried on as before distracting them from the mystery women whose name he wouldn't tell. It was amazing how easily you could avoid someone you live only two houses away from. Before he knew it, he hadn't seen her in a month.

Mac realized very quickly that she wasn't the only one doing the avoiding, this only made her belief she'd crossed a line more concrete. She'd be lying if she said it didn't bother her, and since Liam and Beth had worked things out and he'd moved home, well it bothered her worse. The very worst part is somehow this had shaken her deeply ingrained confidence, now wasn't to sure of herself.

His birthday came and went leaving him depressed. That nagging feeling of want for more was still there making him feel desperate, he wanted to see her, even just a glimpse of her. But it didn't happen the closest he got was a few days ago he'd seen that little black STI of hers pulling out of the yard, but he hadn't been close enough to see her. He found the more his life went back to the way it had been the less he wanted to settle in.

He need something to change, but he didn't know how to do it. He'd never in his life been the one to go in search of change, the changes had come to him. Like college he'd been recruited by the athletic department, then the military, his uncles friend was a recruiter so he'd come to him. Then he'd been approached for his first merc. job and then fate had thrown Barney in his path. So now at fifty he had no idea how to go about changing.

Mac and Tess set on the porch swing on Macs porch, it was late afternoon, the fan on the porch ceiling whirring away. The air was sweltering, making macs short gray shorts and loose white tank cling to her. Tess said for the tenth time, "oh, just come out with me." Not liking how different Mac was acting lately. Mac laughed a little. "No, I don't want to go out."  
>"Come on, it will do you good." Tess said, her voice full of reassurance. "I'm just not into it tonight." Mac said looking at her pretty friend. Tess's blues eyes taking on that doe eyed look she got meaning she probably start batting her eye lashes soon. Tess gave her a pleading look, " you never want to do anything anymore." Mac reached down and grabbed her water bottle from the stand by the swing, explaining as she opened it "work is keeping me busy." Tess rolled her eyes annoyed, "ya,ya, ya, I know since the Caffery party you've picked up a bunch of business." She said, after studying Mac a moment longer she continued, "look I don't know what is going on with you but since you and Jake went bow fishing you've been strange." Mac didn't say anything just took a drink of her water, when she didn't say a word Tess said, "I'm not a psychic or anything but something's happened. A something you aren't talking about and I know you and Jake well enough to know it's not you guys, that leaves me a lot of room to speculate." Mac was getting irritated even though she knew Tess was just concerned, she said "look I'm fine, there's nothing to talk about." She paused as she saw Tolls big black 4 door dodge pull onto the end of the road, she looked away not wanting him to see her staring. Even though the chances were slim he could see them behind the magnolias growing along the porch. Then she surprised Tess by saying, "oh, what in the hell, let's go." Tess was to excited that Mac had said yes to question anything. Maybe a night out would get rid of some of this cloud that was surrounding her. Tess exclaimed, "hurray! Let's go!"<p>

Surprisingly it did do Mac good, she felt better afterward.

This mission had been particularly grueling, Toll didn't have to look in a mirror he knew his face would still be covered in bruises. He worked his jaw slightly, noting it wasn't as sore as it had been yesterday. He stood in the shower with his head down, letting the water from the shower head sooth his stiff muscles. He was getting marginally sick of getting the crap kicked out of him, all to rescue these stupid assholes that probably didn't deserve it. He turned letting the water spray on his face and down his chest, then grabbed the soap from the shelf he stepped back out of the spray, rubbing the soap between his hands he scrubbed his chest. Which was also covered in bruises, damn, it was usually Gunnar that got the worst beatings he mused. This time it had been his turn, the guy hadn't been big about Yang's size and he'd looked unassuming, well right up until Toll engaged him anyway. Toll had come out victorious, but his body sure didn't think so, it didn't look so either. He got out of the shower and dried off, wrapping the towel around his heavily muscled waist. He walked to the sink, looking in the mirror. He stared at his reflection turning his face this way and that, he hadn't shaved since before he left and for a moment he thought about leaving the four days worth of heavy growth. He'd been too tired to deal with it last night, he got out his razor and shaving cream. While he was shaving he got a text from Hale apparently he and Yang were on their way over. Before the day was half over they were all at his house.

Mac was having an incredibly bad day, her car had broken down again. In the two years she'd had it, it had gone to the shop seven times. The whole reason for buying a Subaru was so she'd have a good car, but no she'd ended up with the only STI on the entire lot that was a lemon. Liam had teased her when he'd brought her his truck, "well you bought the WRX STI what do you expect, if you'd bought the family sedan you'd be fine." She just gave him a dirty look. So now she found herself pulling onto her street in Liam's truck, intent of searching lemon laws to find out what her options were. The only good thing about this whole day was that tomorrow her little sister would be here! She couldn't wait to see Lex, she hadn't seen her since Christmas of last year. That was the hardest thing about living in New Orleans, her sister and parents were in Boston so she didn't see them much.

Mac pulled in and shut the truck off, she got out and went inside. Leaving the door open, she kicked off her ankle boots and walked into the kitchen grabbing a drink. She set down with her iPad at the island searching lemon laws. She set there for around twenty minutes getting more and more frustrated, she set down her iPad and looked down a Goose. He was content to just set there and wait for her to pay attention, his tail started thumping on the ground, Mac smiled and asked "hey pretty boy,you wanna go get the mail?" He jumped up and whinned, she asked, "ya, you do? Well come on then." They walked to the mailbox Goose doing his funny little dance around her, his tail wagging.

Caesar was standing on the front lawn at Tolls talking to Gunnar and Yang, everyone else was out back. When he looked up and saw her, doing a double take, even from this distance he knew it was the same women from the bar. She was walking to her mailbox a little black lab dancing around her feet. He said, "looky, looky." Yang glanced down the street as did Gunnar neither of them recognizing her. Hale said, "I'll be back" and started walking off.

Mac looked up to see a rather large man walking toward her, a smile on his broad lips, the look in his eyes conveying the fact he thought he was getting away with something, he was intently watching her. His large muscled torso wrapped in a tank top, and he was large, his shoulder muscle bulging out around his neck. If Mac hadn't recognized him as one of the men from the bar she might be intimidated, When he got closer he gave her a friendly smile, his mannerisms engaging. He said, "I am Hale, and you are?" She smiled wider," Mac."

"Pleased to finally meet you."

Toll bristled the moment Yang and Gunnar walked out back and Yang told him, " Hale's down the street hitting on your neighbor."

He waited a half hour and when Hale wasn't back he went looking for him. They weren't on the sidewalk so he walked down the road. Her front door was open he could hear the murmur of them talking and Hale's laughter. So he walked up the yard and knocked on the door frame. They were in the back of the house, he heard her laugh and saw Hale's head pop out the door, "oh its you." He said teasingly, then continued "it's your neighbor."

Toll stepped inside when after a moment Mac said, "come in."

Hale gave him a cocky smile and asked, "what do you want?"

Toll answered walking toward Hale, "looking for you." He was suddenly hesitant, why the fuck had he come here. She stepped around Caesar and into the hall, Caesar stepped completely out of the room holding a dish with brownies in it, munching away.

When Mac first saw him she nearly gasped in surprise, the right side of his face had several bruises on it, and his nose had a scrape across the bridge of it. There was another cut by his eye, he'd obviously been in fight or some sort of altercation. She'd wanted to ask but didn't, she stared at him a slight smile tugging the corner of her lips, her eyes almost twinkling but not quite. Her cheeks pinked slightly and she looked away. Suddenly uncertain, his gaze was flat, like he was gazing at a stranger. Mac so wanted to see that smile, she had wanted to see it for weeks. When he didn't give even a hint of a smile she looked away.

Toll didn't know what to say, hi didn't seem right, especially when she didn't say it. He had vaguely registered she had an almost smile but all he could see were her eyes. Those stunning eyes. His chest tightened and he just continued to stare at her. When her eyes came back to his he felt a smile tug at his lips, she looked almost as uncertain as he felt. A soft happy smile slowly worked its way across her lips, it was she that found her voice and said, "hi."

Hale said "well now that we got that, out of the way, you need to bring all this food to Tolls." His voice good-humored, he leaned close to Mac and whispered, "your food is way better than his little sister."

Hale turned and went back into the kitchen, Mac held Tolls gaze, still not knowing what to say and it making her nervous, she glanced in the kitchen. Hale was looking in the fridge.

Tolls eyes finally left her when she glanced in the kitchen, she looked good her long hair hanging loose, and just a hint of makeup. She had on dark blue skinny jeans and a loose gray shirt, the neck so big it almost hung off one shoulder, and she was barefoot. Something about her at that moment tugging at his insides, she was, just simply was.

Hale gestured for Mac to come into the kitchen, and said, "we need to take all of this." She laughed the hold she had breaking, he let his ridiculously pathetic thoughts go. Chastising himself for a fool but he still followed her into the kitchen.

She stepped into the kitchen and Toll followed, he watched Hale thinking he was being rude." Mac caught the look he was giving Hale and said, "they are leftovers, from a job and I'll never eat it all." She looked over her shoulder at him, then back at Hale. Toll was suddenly curious about what sort of job she did that allowed her to bring food like this home. Once again hit with the absurdity his situation, he didn't even know where she worked.

He looked anywhere and everywhere but at her, those soulful green eyes had already got him ounce it wouldn't happen again. Hale asked, "so why didn't you tell me she was caterer, now I understand why you have kept her to yourself." Toll looked at him surprised and answered, "I didn't know she was a caterer." Hale noting the weird tension between the two said, "well now that I know I am coming over more often." She smiled, she liked him he was amusing she decided, "I let you know the next time I have leftovers," she said. Toll watched them having nothing to say, as usual he didn't know what to say.

Hale loaded his arms up with containers, and said, "I'm going, and your coming, right?" She smiled at him, he was giving her an expectant look. Her gaze travelled to Toll she had no idea what to say, she gave him a questioning look, when he didn't say anything she said, her gaze returning to Caesar, "no,not this time." Hale shook his head his demeanor comical, "fine, but only cause you gave me food." She laughed slightly, and said, "how magnanimous of you." Hale squinted at her, "what in the hell, did you just call me?" She really laughed this time, so hard her eyes watered, they all laughed.

Hale left declaring he was going to go eat all this food in front of the guys. Toll waited, she looked at him, a smile on her face, and chuckled some more. "He's funny," she said. Toll made an amused noise, and nodded his head, "he's something alright." Mac smiled wider, there was the smile she liked best, the first one he'd ever given her had been like this one. Toll surprised her and himself when he said, "you could come over." His facial expression had grown serious, she studied his face, her eyes taking in his battered face again, she felt the urge to ask him what had happened but instead she asked, "are you just being polite or do you mean it?" He held her gaze wanting to say, I've missed talking to you, but instead he said, "if you want to, I'd be okay with it," not wanting to sound overly enthusiastic. She smiled faintly, realizing that noncommittal reply was the best she would get, she held his held his gaze a moment longer, seeing something that made her say yes.


	6. Chapter 5

When Mac followed Toll into his kitchen, the way the group of men reacted, that were standing around eating her leftovers, was enough to confirm the suspicion she had, that asking women to hang out wasn't something he did frequently. Out of the seven men there was only one that didn't look utterly shocked, he was tall, with black hair and brown eyes, he had a dark complexion and large muscular body. The look he gave her made her feel like she he was sizing her up and after a moment she felt certain, she knew that look, weighed and measured, she wasn't sure however if she came up wanting.

Hale drew her attention away from the dark man when he said, "I thought you said, no, not this time." She smiled at him, "I changed my mind." Hale's gaze shifted to Toll were he stood beside her, he gave him a knowing look and said, "good." After that the others introduced themselves, first was a tall impressively muscled man with longer hair that had grey threaded through it. His smile warm and friendly, he approached with his large hand outstretched, "I'm Tool and you are Mac." Obviously Hale had told them all about her, she smiled taking his hand and said, "yes." Next came the dark man with the piercing eyes, he introduced himself as Barney, but in no way tried to put her at ease. His gaze every bit as probing as it had been when she walked in minutes ago.

Toll watched her embarrassed by the sudden silence that filled the room when they walked in. He was never comfortable being the center of attention, she didn't flinch. Not even under Barney's cool regard, she just smiled politely and moved on to the next one which was Gunnar. The look he gave her one of amusement, he'd reached out and took her hand. Gunnar said "I can't believe I didn't recognize you." Mac decided instantly she liked the tall blond, with his crazy blue eyes and friendly smile.

Toll found he felt a bit of admiration for how she handled his group of ragtag friends. Where some might have been intimidate and uncertain of them, she was completely at ease. Even with Gunnar she'd taken him in stride, like you couldn't tell he was completely imbalanced, she didn't flinch, just shook his hand and smiled warmly.

They went around the room each introducing themselves, all met with a friendly eyes and a warm smile. After the introductions were over, Tool said to her, "so I heard I missed a show at the bar a while back." Macs blushed and smiled at him, "ya, you could say that." Pausing to take a drink, Tool then continued, "I hear you can sing?" Her smiled broadening, she said "I don't know about that." Setting down beside Tool at the table. Billy asked from where he sat on the other side of her, "did he really tell you he loved you?" Mac laughed and nodded her head, "yes, but what he forgets to tell people when he tells that story is, he told about five other women he loved them the same night." Billy laughed along with the others, "Jake is one of those guys that flirts with everyone he sees. I have felt bad for a lot of women that took him to seriously." Tool asked amused, "how long have you known him?" Her smile broadened, "eight years, we met right after I moved here, actually the day after I got here. He lived a couple of apartments away from my brother, I was carrying boxes up the stairs and dropped something. He picked it up and walked over took the boxes out of my arms, then told me a girl as beautiful as me should never carry anything, I laughed and that was it." Tool smiled at her wistful expression and asked, "and, you've been friends ever since?"

"Yup, I found my fate sealed."  
>"How old were you?" Tool asked curious.<br>"Almost twenty-one."  
>Tool looked at her slightly surprised, "you don't look your age."<p>

Toll watched her, she was a lot older than he'd thought, the knowledge doing something to him. Making his muscles clench, and his heart rate rise. She wasn't nearly as young as he'd thought. She glanced over her shoulder at him, where he leaned against the fridge, their gazes met and held for a moment. Her eyes shinning, a smile on her lips, his focus shifted to her lips. Then she turned away again back to her conversation with Tool. She laughed at something Tool said, the sound musical.

Tool watched her attention turn to Toll, the others had moved outside a while ago, and he knew he'd kept her sitting here to long. Since Toll went outside, she had frequently looked out the door and when she heard him laugh, her gaze had instantly sought him, her smile turning sweet. This was defiantly interesting he decided, he watched her thoughtfully a moment, then said drawing her attention, "why don't we go see what's so funny."

When they stepped outside Billy stood up offering Mac the seat he occupied by Toll, she smiled and said "thanks." She walked over setting down beside Toll, not looking at him her cheeks faintly red.

Mac looked over a Toll once she'd set down, her bright gaze traveling over his face, pausing on the cut by his eye, then traveling down the right side. He returned her perusal of his features, only his gaze caught on her eyes. Something in them pulling him in she smiled faintly, he smiled in return his gaze holding hers, Mac suddenly felt the need to squirm in her seat. When she finally tore her eyes from him, she wished she knew what he was thinking. The way he had just looked at her totally different from any look before. She shook her head and took a deep breath to steady herself, then covertly glanced at him again, he wasn't looking at her. She took the chance to study his unguarded expression, he was presently looking at Gunnar a smile on his lips. She'd never seen him like this before, well that wasn't exactly true she'd seen in a similar setting once before, surrounded by his friends but she hadn't been this close, she liked this side of him she decided.

Mac listened, entertained by their banter, they were funny and obviously knew each other well. Toll even relaxed some coming out of the shell slightly, joining in on occasion and laughing. Hale was the clown making everyone laugh, but the realization hit her as the evening progressed, that Toll was the brunt of a lot of his fun. Toll had started to become more and more withdrawn, the present topic Hale was giving him shit about was reading all the time. She could tell he really didn't mean anything by it he was just messing around, but the longer it progressed the more Toll retreated. Mac watched him closely, he wouldn't look at her, so when Hale asked "what do you think Mac? Couldn't he find something better to do with his time?" She knew what Hale implied or thought she did, but asked, "your asking my opinion?" Hale nodded. "alright, I think personally only a fool makes fun of a man searching for enlightenment." Holding his gaze, "I for one find it admirable." Only silence answered her reply, then Tool said, "well said." A smile slowly spread across Hale's face,"I think she just told me off!" He said laughing. Mac smiled at him, then looked a Toll, he was looking at her, an intense look in his eyes, her smile disappeared. She looked down, breaking their gaze, when her eyes came back to his there was a faint smile on his lips.

Tool found himself impressed, she obviously wasn't alright with Toll being picked on and not afraid to step in. It didn't matter that she didn't know what reaction she'd get, she just jumped in. He also noted that earlier in the evening when he'd been talking with her, she'd been constantly aware of Toll, her eyes searching him out. He also noted Toll was the same with her, he was gravitated toward her, listen to as much of their conversation as possible. Watching.

Tolls body tensed when Hale asked Mac what she thought, couldn't he find a better way to occupy himself. Wishing he wouldn't drag her into this, but at the same time he wanted to know, he waited, after short pause, she answered. "I think only a fool makes fun of the man searching for enlightenment. I for one find it admirable." His eyes snapped to her, her eyes locked with Hale's, no one said a word until Tool said, "well said." Then her eyes came to him, he could only stare, she'd managed to do the impossible, make Hale shut up.

She stayed way later than she should have, finally making excuses around midnight, she looked over at Toll catching his attention. "I have to go." He stood up with her while she said goodby, when she was finally ready he said, "I'll be back." Neither of them said anything as he walked her home or looked at one another, they walked close together arms nearly brushing several times. The air between them charged Mac wanted to talk but she couldn't, she felt jittery and on edge. She kept seeing him looking at her, his gaze had been very unnerving a couple of times tonight. When they reached the end of her driveway, they stopped. Macs eyes slowly travelled up him over the broad expanse of his chest, up his neck, along the strong line of his jaw, stopping on his face, god he was attractive she thought. She couldn't really see into his eyes, the shadows surrounding his bent head hiding them from her, she found the thought very unsettling. She suddenly felt more insecure, knowing he just watched her, she hesitantly asked, "would you.. Do you want.. I mean do you want to run in the morning." Her cheeks instantly turning pink from her stumbled over question. She saw him smile, but other than that she was at a loss, again wanting to know what was going on behind that shadow. After an agonizing moment he smiled fully, "ya." He said surprising her, his voice husky, "what time?" He asked. "How's six thirty?" She asked a full smile on her face. "That works," he said a hint of laughter in his voice. "Well I'm going to go," she said hesitant again, wishing he'd move so she could see him better. Realizing he wasn't going to do what she wanted, somehow sensing he knew he had her at a disadvantage, she said, "alright, I'll see you in the morning."

Not waiting for him to reply she stepped away from him, needing to settle herself, she glanced at him ounce more and walked to her house, unlocking the door and going inside. All the time fighting the urge to look back at him, but she knew he watched.


	7. Chapter 6

Mac stomach rumbled the minute she walked in to her kitchen, and poor Goose dug at the back door wanting inside, he'd apparently gone out and couldn't get back in through his door. She opened the door, he jumped up excited nearly knocking her over, she scratched his head and said, "you're mad at me aren't you boy, I took off and left you here all night all alone." He whined and ran past her, she closed the door, then next attending to the needs of her stomach. She hadn't eaten since morning and unfortunately she had no left overs, so she opened her fridge grabbing whatever looked good, which ended up being blackberries and some Irish cheddar, grabbing a water she set down at the bar and dug in.

Her thoughts drifting back to her quiet neighbor, she couldn't believe she'd stumbled all over herself tonight, asking him to run with her in the morning. Men rarely made her feel at a loss for words, she was always in control never uncertain of herself as a person. Tonight he had made her that way, she didn't regret asking him, just felt embarrassed. He apparently, could ruffle her composure. It began the moment he walked into her house, just one look at him and she'd been speechless. She knew why he had this effect on her, it was because he was quiet and slightly brooding. She like most people, she surrounded herself with people like her, Jake for instance, Tess and even Neal, they were all confident and self-assured. Toll was not, so his watchful eyes, and quiet manners put her at a loss. With Most people it was incredibly easy to know what they were thinking, she wouldn't have gotten where she was in business, if she couldn't to read people. But Toll he was hard self contained as he was, she couldn't get a good read. She finished her snack and went to bed, it was becoming a habit to think of him as she fell asleep, tonight the only difference being, she had a slight smile on her face.

Mac awoke early, way early she rolled over and looked at her clock five. F-ing spectacular she thought, she knew she'd never fall back to sleep now. She set up rubbing her face, and looking about her room, she grabbed her phone dialing her moms number. She knew if she didn't do something, she'd go nuts, obsessing about what was happening in an hour. When her mom didn't answer she assumed they were getting Lex ready for her flight, she'd be in at two this afternoon.

Toll, himself woke up at five thirty like normal, brushed his teeth and got dressed, putting on grey shorts and a white t-shirt. He made himself a protein shake and set down on the couch with a book, trying not to fixate on her. She'd surprised him several times last night, firstly with the way she'd handle meeting the guys, and again with Hale and then when she'd asked him to run with her. He'd never have expected that invitation in a million years, he thought about making an excuse but gazing down at her in the dark while she'd tried to search his face, he'd been taken off guard by just how attracted to her he was, she had seemed so small and feminine standing there in front of him, the breeze playing in the ends of her hair, her soft lips slightly parted. So he'd said "ya." His voice sounding rough in his own ears, then she smiled.

He stepped out his door and saw her walking down the street, she had on a bright green tank top and shorts, her hair pulled back, a brightly colored headband wrapped around her head. He stared an instant, watching a smile bloom on her face, her pretty eyes settled on him. It's just a morning run, he told to himself. She just asked you to run not take her on a date.

Mac saw him, the butterfly's she developed in her stomach fluttering even harder, she'd smiled because she didn't know what else to do. He watched her intently as he started walking toward her and Mac found she had to look away, anywhere but at him. Oh this was a bad idea, her brain whispered.

When they stopped Mac bent at the waist catching her breath she stood back up a smile playing on her lips and in her eyes, her face flushed a healthy pink, "you've got stamina." She said rubbing the sudden stitch in her side. That last half mile had nearly done her in, pushing herself harder than normal, still out of breath she looked up at him. He was smiling down at her his eyes full of amusement, "you thought you had me." He said his voice sounding mischievous, he was a little out of breath himself. She laughed harder making the stitch in her side hurt worse, "well I'm used to running with Liam!" Her laugh had stopped but her vibrant smile had stayed, he watched her amused then said, "ya I've seen how you treat your brother. If I remember right it didn't work so well for you, brat." She laughed again beaming up at him, her eyes flashing. "Brat!" She exclaimed her mouth falling open, pretending shed been offended. Then she arched an eyebrow and laughed again saying, "ya, who am I trying to kid! But in my defense Liam deserves everything he gets." Tolls smile broadened she defiantly was adorable, with her eyes sparkling full of mischief, her gorgeous smile lighting her face. "So," she began, holding his gaze, "do you want to come in?"  
>Where the hell had that come from she wondered, asking him to come inside, She apparently had no control over the questions she asked him, but she hoped he said yes, she wasn't ready to part company just yet, wanting to spend more time with him.<p>

He watched her surprised for a moment, then nodded his head and said, "sure." She gave him a pleased smile and said, "come on then."

The moment she turned away from him a healthy dose of embarrassment hit her, "do you want to come in." Her own words popped into her mind in a mocking voice, great Mac chided herself. She might as well have stuck a note on her forward that said, hi you make me nervous and I can't seem to think around you. Thinking of last nights stumbled over question and when she'd asked him if he had a girlfriend and now this. Where oh where had all her brains and tact gone. Finally she told herself to shut the hell up.

She looked up at him after they entered the house, she didn't lock her door he noted, but lost that thought when her little black lab bounded into the room to say hello. Mac shut the door and squatted down the dog instantly jumped on her, she hugged him and kissed his head, "you're mad at me aren't you boy?" She asked scratching his head affectionately, he whined and licked her hand, then nearly knocked her over trying to kiss her face. Mac glanced up at Toll as she stood, "this" she said with a smile on her face, "is my Goose." Toll smiled bemused by her affection for the creature and said, "hey boy," as he reached down to scratch his head. When the energetic little thing tried to jump on him, she said, "sit." Then looked up at him again, "sorry, he's a good dog just, he just can't contain himself around new people."she said. "It's alright." He replied, holding her gaze. "Do you want something to drink, or maybe eat?" She asked as she headed for the kitchen, obviously expecting him to follow. "Water." He said following her into the kitchen, he watched her open the fridge then looked about the room. He had known it was big but hadn't really paid much attention to his surroundings yesterday. Today he noted it was pretty much original except for the grey granite counters and stainless steel work area beside the stove. She appeared in front of him handing him a water, a friendly look in those green eyes.

Mac watched him as he surveyed his surroundings, feeling that strange pull of attraction again. He was so incredibly male, all hard planes and muscle, he was tall and powerfully built with strong features and those beautiful sage green eyes. He made her feel tiny when she stood close to him, which she wasn't at five foot eight, anything but. He was more at ease with her this morning than he'd ever been, she'd made sure of it. Trying her hardest to control the nervous energy that seemed to swirl around her when he was close. She watched a moment longer, then approached holding out a water, his gaze came to hers, as he excepted the drink. Suddenly feeling uncertain, she pushed past it, smiling brightly and asking, "do you want a tour."  
>"Sure." He said in surprise, noting how even though she smiled up at him, she didn't hold his gaze.<p>

They walked through the downstairs level, he noted the old hardwood plank floors and high ceilings, the rest of the main floor like the kitchen was close to original. Large rooms, with floor to ceiling windows, and original woodwork. He could tell she loved the place and she should, he watched as she talked about it, her pride and happiness showing.

Mac walked him through the house telling him all the inane history she'd found out about the place, he'd listened with a smile, paying attention to everything she said even though she doubted he was as interested. When they went upstairs she gestured for him to go first, suddenly uncomfortable with him following her up the stairs. When they reached the master bedroom she paused, suddenly realizing where they were, she peeked up at him, he wasn't looking at her. Which was probably a good thing, she was certain he'd see her nervousness if he was, get a grip she told herself and opened the door. She stepped aside and said, "this is where I sleep," her voice shaky, she didn't look at him. The thought of him in her room so close to her bed having an odd effect on her.

When she opened the door Toll instantly recognized the room as hers, it looked lived in. An old bed dominated one wall between two large windows, a dusky purple colored comforter tangled with some dark grey sheet covered her bed. The walls where a gun metal grey, the woodwork painted white, the same wide plank floors as the rest of the house. Mismatched antique furniture set around the room, a steamer trunk set at the end of the bed against a high footboard.

Mac grew quiet as she watched him survey her room, his eyes taking in everything, she had the feeling he didn't miss a thing. She felt like she was frozen in place, suddenly realizing how deep this attraction might run.

She watched him helpless, wanting so desperately to find her tongue or composure before he looked at her and saw everything on her face but it didn't happen, he turned.

Toll knew she stood beside him and after a few seconds it registered she wasn't saying anything. He turned his head to look at her, her beautiful eyes held a slightly troubled look, she didn't say a word just returned his gaze, she ran the tip of her tongue over her bottom lip then bit it, her eyes drifting down to his mouth. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, when her eyes finally came back to his, he felt like all the air had left his lungs. God help him, she was beautiful and it hit him exactly where he was.

Mac was fighting a battle with herself, one she was afraid she'd loose, if she didn't act soon. But luckily at that moment, Goose came bounding by them and into the room, he landed in the middle of her bed. The spell broke, she regained her composure, she pulled her gaze from Tolls and smiled at Goose. She cast a quick glance in Tolls direction, he was looking at Goose, she couldn't see his face. She found her voice saying, "let's move on." Turning she didn't wait for a reply, just tuned around and walked off.

Toll watched her as he followed her down the hall, she showed him the rest of the upstairs but wouldn't meet his gaze. Her cheeks stayed slightly pink and she seemed hesitant.

Mac shook her head, get a grip she told herself, it was no different from Jake standing in her bedroom or even Liam for that matter. Slowly gaining control of herself, she was alright by the time they'd finished the upstairs but she was still slightly uneasy with looking at him. He surprised her when he asked, "what's Mac short for?" She glanced over her shoulder at him a smile on her face, surprised by his question. " Kamron." She said as she stepped off the stairs, she turned to meet his gaze. He was smiling down at her, "Kamron what?"  
>"Kamron Gloriana Sinclair."<br>"Gloriana?" He questioned, it was defiantly not a name you heard often. She observed his curious smile and answered, "My grandmothers name." her eyes slightly twinkling, like she was remembering something from the past. He said, "well, Kamron Gloriana Sinclair, I need to go." A slight smile on his face, Mac held his gaze, her smile slipped slightly her gaze dropping to his lips, then coming back to his eyes, "alright." He held her gaze, knowing he need to leave, but caught up in her eyes again, a look of what he thought might be uncertainty in them. It reminded him of the look she'd given him when they'd been in standing outside her bedroom, his eyes dropped to her lips. It was she that broke the spell this time, "thanks for running with me." She said, his eyes snapped back to hers, a slight smile played around his lips, "anytime." She nodded a faint blush staining her cheeks, a soft smile steeling its way across her face.

Mac gained her composure after he left, chiding herself for acting like an idiot. She refused to dwell on their time together, she shook her head then reached up and pulled her headband off, then let her hair down. She ran upstairs taking them two at a time; Lex was coming this afternoon, that's all she needed to think about.

When Mac left for the airport, she noted a couple other bikes in his yard and that his garage door was open.

Mac as always was at the airport fifteen minutes before arrival time, so she was really a half hour early. She waited impatiently for Lex to appear. She smiled when she saw her sisters dirty blond hair and sunglass clad face, even more grown up than she'd been last December. Her seventeen year old sister was the heartbreaker in their family, she looked like their mom, Liam with his height, black hair and blue eyes looked like their dad, the only feature Mac had got from either of her parents were her moms eyes. Which she knew if Lex wasn't wearing those glasses would be staring back at her. They left the airport an headed to Liam and Beth's.

That night Mac set at the island in her kitchen, Liam set beside her they were both eating lemon meringue pie. He looked over at her an inquisitive look on his face, and said. "I stopped by last night."  
>Great, was the first thought that popped into Macs head, "oh really" she said, licking the food off her spoon. "Ya and you weren't here." He said taking in her flat gaze.<br>"You want a medal for your astute observation, captain obvious." She said, her voice every bit as flat as the look she was giving him. Liam watched her a minute and then his eyes filled with mischief, "ooooo," he began his eyes taking on an entertained light, "you, were with the neighbor." Macs face turned red, and she clammed up, not saying a word, her eyes twinkling slightly. Liam had only been joking when he said it but quickly realized he was right. "You naughty, naughty little girl." Mac ignored him and went back to her pie, not feeling the need to confirm or deny anything. "So," Liam continued greatly entertained, "I wondered how long it would take after I moved out." Mac rolled her eyes and continued to eat, her eyes twinkling and a slight smile on her lips. They were both quiet for a minute, then Liam asked, "did you kiss him?" Mac looked at him cocking an eyebrow and said "shut up."

But Liam couldn't let it go, "do I need to have a talk with him?" He asked playfully enjoying her discomfort. Mac laughed, "last warning, shut up." Then went back to her pie, "your bad." He said having to have the last word, Mac looked down at the pie on her plate and turned toward him, she scooped it up into her hand and rubbed it all over his face, then she ran.

She ran out the front door laughing, with Liam and his face full of pie directly behind her. She reached the middle of the street before Liam caught her, she was laughing and squealing as he rubbed the pie he'd wiped off his face all over hers. "Not so fast this time, are you?" Liam asked his voice full of mirth.

A few days later Mac set beside Liam on his front steps, Lex and Beth had gone inside to get drinks for everyone. Liam watched his sister curious, nudging her with his elbow, "so," he began, "about this guys?" Mac instantly went on the defensive, not really in the mood for more shit about him. Mac looked at her brother unimpressed. Liam took in her look and said, "look Mac, I'm not going to give you shit, I was just going to say, maybe you should give him at least a thought." Mac took a deep breath looking away, "I've almost thought about it." She answered truthfully. "What do you mean almost? I know he's got your attention." Mac looked at him, "he's just.. I don't know, he's different." Liam nodded then asked, "different how?" Mac fidgeted, suddenly uncomfortable with the question, she ran her fingers through her hair and leaned her chest against her knees wrapping her arms around them, she stared into space a moment then answered, "he's quiet, shy, hard to read and I'm not ready."  
>Liam noted that, she wasn't ready, came last. He thought for a moment, then started, "look Mac, I know Neal really messed you up, but that doesn't mean every man is that way." She didn't reply, so he went on, "I wish you hadn't gone through all that but you didn't tell anyone or ask for help."<br>"I told Jake." Her voice came out on a whisper. Liam looked at her shocked, she still wasn't looking at him, "it only happened twice, the first time I called Jake. Remember when, Neal went away suddenly and Jake showed up in town, he was only here four days, he said he had a family emergency?" Liam nodded he vaguely remembered what she was talking about, "I called him and he was here," she wiped a tear from her eye with the back of her hand. "He went and found Neal, and knocked him around, I really don't know much of what they said but he told him if he ever touched me again, it wouldn't be good. First of all, all he did was shove me, I had a bruise across my back, from falling into the counter. But Jake was furious."

"It didn't stop him though did it?" Liam questioned infuriated, Mac shook her head no,"why the hell did you take him back?"  
>"I cared about him, I believed him when he apologized and said it wouldn't happen again and It didn't until the day I left." Liam nodded mad that she hadn't told him, if the son of bitch was still in the area he'd kill him.<p>

one week late

A smile spread across Mac face the moment she saw him, it had been a week. He was presently running toward her and hadn't seen her yet, so she stopped and waited. His head down ear buds in, he looked up a surprised smile spread across his rugged features, he came to a stop in front of her, pulling his ear buds out. Looking down at her, happy to see her. She put her hands on her hips and just smiled at him, her smile brightened, "hi,you." She said. "Hey." Was his reply. "I haven't seen you in a while," she said stating the obvious but just glad to see him. He watched her intently, the reason they hadn't run into each other was he'd just gotten back again. Staying clear of that subject, he asked. "How's it going with your sister?"

Macs eyes slid over his face noticing the bruises from a week ago had vanished, he looked good. "She's great, it's great! I love having her here!" A faint smile played around his lips, "that's good." He said not knowing what to say. Her eyes slowly drifted over his face again, her eyes coming back to his, "you look better." She announced a smile on her face. She reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, he watched, as he said, "thanks." Then asked, "your sister not a runner?"  
>"Not really and she's gone away with Liam and Beth, for a few days" On impulse she asked, "what are your plans for the day?" Acutely embarrassed the moment the words passed her lips, her cheeks automatically flamed and her composure went by, by. Where the heck did that come from she wondered and why the hell did he constantly make her feel at a loss.<p>

He held her gaze a moment, slightly surprised by her question, her face turned red, bright red. She looked like she wanted the sidewalk to open up and swallow her, "not much, maybe a ride later."  
>"Oh," she said, regaining some composure, but still embarrassed. Her gaze shifted away from him, suddenly wanting her to look at him again Toll asked, "and you?" Her bright eyes came back to him but only momentarily, "working on menus, and picking my car up." Macs gaze finally travelled back to his face, Toll instantly felt that pull, her green eyes catching him, "do you need a ride?" He asked surprising both of them, for some reason he desperately wanted her to say yes. Reminding himself even if she said yes, it was just for the ride.<p>

Mac held his gaze shocked by his question, she said "ya, if your offering."


	8. 7

**Well first I'd like to thank the people who have reviewed and liked or followed my story So far! Really, if I weren't for you guys I'd probably give up. This story has been immensely fun so far, I feel Toll Road is a greatly neglected, he has so much potential! **

**I know this chapter is horribly short but I thought I'd give** **you all a little something.**

* * *

><p><strong>"Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." <strong>

**- Humphrey Bogart**

* * *

><p>Toll had embarrassed himself slightly this morning asking her if she needed a ride, it had been the polite thing, the neighborly thing to do. But that hadn't been his sole reason, he had jumped on the opportunity to spend more time with her, he'd found himself hoping he didn't sound as pathetic as he thought he had.<p>

Mac watched Toll, he was in the garage squatted down by his bike, his back to her. Mac stared for a moment, he'd said to come down when she was ready. She had felt anxious the moment they parted this morning, and the sight of him right now wasn't helping. She'd been so happy to see him this morning, it had surprised her. She didn't usually light up like that for just anyone. She stood there watching him, with him unaware, she felt her stomach flutter.

At that moment he looked over his shoulder, he smiled faintly and stood. "Hi." Mac said, holding his unsettling gaze. She felt her cheeks flush when he didn't immediately reply. He just stood there watching her, his gaze making her fidget, she felt her face flush more. She dropped her gaze away from him.

Toll found himself caught of guard, by the look in her eyes. He'd sensed someone behind him and looked to see who it was, she'd been standing there with that look on her gorgeous face. He knew she said hi, but the look she was giving him made him inarticulate.

Shaking off the alien feelings he seemed stir in her, she said, "well I'm here."  
>"I see that." He said, his eyes sliding down her body, she made his mouth go dry. she had on a tight grey t-shirt, tight blue jeans with a small hole in the right thigh, and black flat soled leather boots that almost came to her knees. Her hair in a messy bun. Slow down he said to himself. Needing to clear his head, he walked over to a work bench against the far wall and laid down a screw driver, he picked up a rag and whipped his hands. Turning his attention back to her.<p>

Mac watched his eyes slide down her, the look in his them making her self conscious, she suddenly felt warm, her pulse quickened. He turned away from her walking to a work bench and laying something down, his attention shifted back to her. "I just need to wash my hands and we can go," he said. Mac was silent a second, she took a deep breath to steady her nerves, her eyes drifting to his lips she said, "alright."

She didn't follow him inside, needing a chance to regain her composure, she focused on his bike instead, never a fan of the Harley she had to admit, she was looking at this one slightly different. Knowing full well her sudden interest, was to do with the man not the machine it's self. The idea of him on the thing, made her feel slightly warm. Well, this distraction wasn't working so well she thought. Instead she looked around his neat garage, everything in its place, a couple toolboxes, a workbench, some wheels and tires stacked up neatly in one corner, and an air compressor. Nothing to give any hint about the man who owned the stuff. Well nothing besides he didn't buy cheap stuff, the toolboxes were snap on and the compressor Dewalt.

He walked back into the garage, keys in hand, he asked "are you ready?" She smiled walking toward him, she asked, "are we taking the bike?" Knowing full well that wasn't what he had planned, she knew it even before she'd seen that surprised look. She held his gaze, stopping directly in front of him, she watched a slow smile spread across his face. "If you want." He said. She smiled up at him her eyes drifting to his lips, she had realized recently her eyes often found their way to his mouth, the thought causing her to blush. "Absolutely," she said with a dazzling smile her expressive eyes full of mischief.

Again she shocked him, asking him if they were taking the bike, the way she looked at him, the only way to describe it being flirtatious, he'd slowly smiled in return and replied, if you want. finding the knowledge she wanted to ride on his bike pleasing. Her smile broadened, her eyes filled with that secretive little light he'd seen before. She looked for all the world like she'd gotten exactly what she wanted. He had to remind himself yet again it was just her, he'd seen it himself. But he'd be damned if he could keep it from affecting him.

For once Mac wouldn't allow herself to feel embarrassed from asking him an impulsive question, she ended up right where she wanted. On the back of his bike, her arms wrapped around him. She'd run home and grabbed a jacket, and he'd been waiting at the end of her driveway when she came out.

Admittedly she mused, she had a firmer grip then she needed, her body brushing against his back, just think how much tighter it would be if he rode a street bike instead of a cruiser she thought. Pleased with herself at the moment she knew she'd be acutely embarrassed later.

The ride was over way to quick it only took fifteen minutes to get to the Subaru dealership, he pulled in and shut his bike off.

She stood climbing off the bike and pulled off the full face helmet he'd given her then met his eyes. "Thanks." She said, smiling brightly, she loved being on a motorcycle, apparently in any form. She had to fight the urge to tell him she didn't have to pick up her car till six. "You're welcome." He said, setting on the bike, his gaze unreadable. She held up his helmet in her right hand and asked, "I'll get this too you later?" Not wanting to hand it over, knowing it would give her a chance to see him again soon. "Alright," he answered nodding a slight smile on his lips, she wondered if he knew why she was keeping it.

Mac watched him drive off, her skin felt strange almost to small for her body, especially when she thought about her arms wrapped around his impressively muscled frame. She hadn't been quite brave enough to press herself fully against his back but she'd thought about it.

Toll knew he was in trouble, he needed to distance himself, but he also knew it wouldn't happen. No matter how much he cautioned himself, told himself be careful. He couldn't be near her and use caution.

Mac didn't head straight home instead went to the office, she hadn't been to the kitchen more than ten hours in the last week and a half. She'd primarily worked from home since Lex had arrived, doing everything by email and over the phone. She'd only come in for meetings and to pay her employees. She had a wedding reception weekend after this one and a library fundraiser a week from tomorrow. So she decided she'd go in and open mail and just generally put in an appearance.

She ended up at the office late, then took her assistant Anna and the kitchen staff out to dinner. The entire afternoon she'd felt an almost giddy sensation, when she thought about him her skin started to feel tight. After dinner she still wasn't ready to go home, still feeling slightly euphoric she decided to go find Tess. Maybe a few beers would calm her. Mac went home only long enough to drop off her car, and hug her neglected pet.

Toll pulled his bike into Tools shop and shut it off aware of the eyes watching him, he had ignored Caesars texts this morning. Not wanting do go through the process of telling Hale he wasn't free and then be expected to explain why. He'd gotten enough shit since that night at his house. On their last mission Hale had been at it as usual, giving everyone shit. He'd started in on him, and Gunnar had interrupted, reminding Hale he better not pick on him, because he had a little friend with sharp claws. So he'd spent the rest of the trip, getting comments thrown his way. Funny though, nothing any of them said really got to him this time.

Yang asked, "where have you been, Hale's been complaining all day?"

Followed by Gunnar's, "like a women."

Barney set back and watched his friend closely, Toll had very little to say like normal, keeping the mystery of where he'd been to himself. Not anything new in its self, they all had secrets they kept to themselves, but he couldn't help but wonder if it didn't have something to do with that girl, with pretty eyes and a flirtatious personality.

Mac rolled over and looked at her alarm clock, nine o'clock well she slept in. Usually up by six or six thirty, nine made her feel like the day was half over. She set up looking beside her, Goose laid stretched out still sleeping soundly. She climbed out of bed heading to the bathroom, feeling the effects of a few beers and a crowded bar on her skin. She needed a shower and then food. After she showered, she threw on some comfy cloths, then headed downstairs to get something to eat. Goose dancing around her, excited as usual.

As it did often her mind drifted to Toll, yesterday he offered her a ride, and she taken it suggesting they take his bike. Oddly enough she still wasn't embarrassed with herself, she'd got exactly what she wanted. Again she'd detected the faint smell of gun cleaning oil, it made her curious about what he did with his spare time. She smiled slyly thinking about the helmet she needed to return, Lex wouldn't be back till tomorrow.


	9. Chapter 8

As soon as she had the thought, she regretted it. On came the embarrassment, she couldn't go shove herself in his face. The ride yesterday had been one thing, the question popping out of her mouth before she'd realized it she didn't feel embarrassment over that. But she found a whole healthy bunch of embarrassment at the thought of seeing him today. She decided to not go looking for him, she doubted he'd appreciate her showing up unannounced and forced herself in. He came across as a private man, and she didn't know him well enough to pry, no matter how curious she might be, besides it wasn't her nature to force herself into people's private lives. When she finished her food she got up, her mind moving to the needs of the day, she still had a mountain of boxes she needed to go through and put away. Not really surprising seems when it came to home life she tended to put off what she could do today, till tomorrow.

She walked down the hall and opened the doorway to the room she'd told Liam to stack stuff in and paused momentarily thinking about putting it off again. Noting the stacks were taller than she remembered. She looked down at Goose who'd appeared by her and said, "let's do this."

Mac moved as much as she could, finding all sorts of boxes marked office. Ha, she known there were missing boxes, so she started there carrying stuff down the hall to her office. She managed to find most of what shed thought was missing. When she finished there was a mountain of cardboard in the middle of the room, she carried the cardboard to the garage.

Toll put his book down and pulled off his reading glasses, he reached up and rubbed his eyes. There was stuff he needed to do besides reading. Like get his gear bag back together, he'd cleaned it out after he got home but it was his habit to keep it ready at all times, he hated having to look for things. This way everything was where he needed it. He kept hoping that maybe they'd have a small break this time a week or two would be nice, he needed some down time to recharge. If it didn't happen soon, he'd thought he might just tell Barney he needed a vacation, the problem with that being they didn't really take vacations and he didn't like the idea of leaving his comrades one man short. With his job there weren't sick days, or personal time, every man counted and got counted on. He stood up and stretched, then headed for his bedroom, he grabbed his bag, and walked to the room where he kept his gun safe and gear.

By mid afternoon he found himself wondering if he'd see her today, he'd thought he would, at least to return the helmet. Well technically it was Lacy's she left it a longtime ago and never came back to get it. He probably should have called and made sure she would be ok with someone using it but he doubted she'd mind. Besides he'd have had to explain why he needed it and really he didn't want to.

By the time five o'clock rolled around he felt like he actually accomplished something today, he'd gotten his lawn mowed various household chores done and he'd worked out. His thoughts started drifting back to her, he'd been utterly shocked when she'd asked about his bike, not just shocked though, he liked the idea a lot. He'd liked it even more when her slender little arms wrapped around his waist but not half as much as he'd liked the sight of her climbing on, her expressive face showing her enjoyment. As much as he kept telling himself to get a grip, it was difficult.

Holy crap, she thought as she looked at the empty room, she'd managed to clean it out. Happy with herself, she went and grabbed the broom and cleaned up. By six she was filthy, tired and hungry. Suddenly craving barbecue she ran upstairs to change and get cleaned up, she wanted Jumbo's they had the best pit barbecue in New Orléans at least in her opinion. Within fifteen minutes she had changed and headed out.

Mac pulled into the parking lot, not surprised there wasn't hardly a parking spot available. This place was always booming. She backed into the first parking spot she found, the helmet in her backseat catching her eye, she paused looking at it a moment. Then turned around put her car in first, shut it off and got out. Already the smell of barbecue surrounded her, making her stomach growl and her mouth water.

She loved this place, it had a certain charm only places in the Deep South could achieve, the restaurant itself set on a pier over the river, the exterior covered with board and batten style siding that they'd allowed to just age unpainted, large windows filled with neon signs dominated the front of the building. Inside the ambiance got better, open beams lined the ceiling, supported by cedar columns. But the best things of all besides the food, in her opinion were the peanut shells on the floor and the wide choice of craft beers, all brewed at local breweries.

Mac stepped inside not surprised to hear Copperhead road playing from the jukebox, another thing about this place was the music. Mac wasn't really surprised she had to wait in line even for take out, when she finally reached the counter, she ordered prime rib and coleslaw. Impulsively asking the cashier if he could make that two orders. She wondered if Toll had ever eaten here.

Toll was getting ready to head to Tools when he heard a knock on his door, curious he opened it. Mac stood there with Lacys helmet in one hand and a bag in the other, he looked past her briefly seeing her car setting in his yard, his attention came back to her.

The uncertainty Mac had felt upon leaving Jumbo's was nothing compared to what she felt when he opened the door, she couldn't speak for a moment, she just stared at him as he looked at her, then her car. When his attention came back to her, she found her tongue, "it occurred to me, while I was getting dinner, that I still had your helmet" she lied. Not like she'd hadn't thought about it off and on all morning. She gave him a nervous smile, "so I thought I'd return it and bring you some dinner as a thank you." She held his gaze, the smile on his face growing bigger as she explained. He didn't say anything at first just stared down at her, a pleasantly surprised look in his eyes. All the same Mac felt herself grow even more nervous, she shifted her weight onto one leg, and looked away. Finding his gaze unnerving.

When her gaze dropped, Toll realized he'd not said a word just stared at her. Smooth move, he said to himself, she brings you dinner and you gape like an idiot. His felt his cheeks color, he cleared his throat and said, "thanks, but you didn't need to." When he'd cleared his throat her eyes had come back to him, he found himself momentarily startled by how green they looked at that minute, she smiled at him and said, "it's the least I could do."

Tolls dropped his gaze down to the bag in her hand, then his eyes came back to her face as she said, "its Jumbos barbecue, I wasn't sure, I mean I thought I'd bring you some." He held her gaze, "Do you want to come in?" He found himself asking, she looked surprised her eyes drifting to his lips, then they travelled back to his, "I mean if you haven't eaten already, you could eat with me.. if you wanted." Mac smiled, her eyes holding his, she nodded, a slight blush on her face, " sure." She answered. She gestured toward her car saying, "mines in my car though, if you will take this stuff, I'll go get it."

She watched him as she followed him to the kitchen, he had waited for her at the door, stepping back so she could step around him, then closing the door, he reached out and took her box from her hands. He hadn't looked at her, just said "let me get that for you" and took the box. She watched him set the food down on the counter, then open a cupboard door, pulling out two plates. Mac felt odd in the quiet that surrounded them, he still hadn't looked at her. She had to do something so she asked, stepping forward, "can I help?" His attention returned to her, his attention making her feel little breathless. He held her gaze, then said, "you can get some cups out of the cupboard by the sink." A faint smile playing around his lips, Mac felt an answering smile tug at her own mouth.

Mac set down at the table across from him, pretty sure he didn't know what to say, she knew if she didn't think fast she wouldn't either. So she ran through a list of questions in her mind, stopping on the one she was most curious about, focusing on her food, she asked. "Do you target practice or hunt a lot?" Her voice sounding curious, her eyes met his while she took a bite. Toll looked at her surprised, " why do you ask?" Nervous she'd somehow seen guns and ammo somewhere in his house. Some guns you could easily explain other you couldn't, like the ones he used for work. She gave him an embarrassed smile, "I've smelt gun cleaning oil on you before," her cheeks turned red, slightly at the thought of those moments. When he just looked at her she continued, "you never forget that smell." He relaxed, and answered, "you could say that." It was the best answer he could think of, it seemed horrible to equate his job to target practice and hunting. He watched her eat a moment, a slight smile appearing around his lips, he said "I'm right, you are a strange little thing." Thinking about the fact she knew that smell most women wouldn't know that smell. She looked up at him and smiled, a mischievous light in her eyes, "hey, now we've already had this discussion." Her eyes danced in amusement, "and I believe, I told you I am not." He finished chewing his mouthful of food his eyes full of their own mischief, "if you say so, brat." She laughed nearly choking on the water he'd got her, "and now we are name calling?" She questioned, trying to look offended. " a women buys you dinner, and this how you repay her?" She questioned, her voice full of laughter. He smiled not knowing how to reply, for a moment he'd worried she was serious. Then he saw her bright smile. Holding his gaze, she reached back with her right hand gathered her hair and pulled over her shoulder, then asked, "whats your favorite movie?" He smiled, "I'm not sure." He answered because he really wasn't sure.

Mac left shortly after dinner, this hadn't been her plan really, she'd just wanted to say thanks. Plus she felt the need to shower and wash the rest of the dust off, from earlier today. She made her excuses and he walked her to the door, opening it for her. She smiled looking up at him, he was so cute, opening doors for her. Most men didn't open doors anymore. Something about him at that moment reminded her off that night in the dark, she had no idea what or why. He was holding her gaze intently, his look unreadable like usual. Suddenly curious she impulsively asked, " are we friends?" Caught off guard yet again by one of her question, this one filled him with pleasure also. He held her gaze a moment, "if you want." She smiled at his typically noncommittal reply, a faint blush stanining her cheeks, her eyes drifted to his lips then went back to his eyes, "good."

Mac drug Lex out if bed the next morning and made her run with her. When Lex had complained, Mac gave her, her best pouty look and reasoned, "but your only here eleven more days." Trying for all the world to pull off Tess's doe eyed look. Lex had simply laughed at her sister failed attempt at batting her eye lashes and said, "fine." Trying to sound irritated.

There run had ended up being more of a walk, Mac listened entertained while her sister talked about boys, her boyfriend and the guy she actually liked. Her sister had a tendency to become hard to follow in conversation, jumping from one topic to another. Once they established that Chris the guy she really liked was super hot and all the girls liked him, they moved on to college prospects. Apparently Lex was more inclined to follow their fathers wishes and get a real career, instead of making poor choices and wasting her potential like he felt Mac had done. Mac shook the thought off refusing to allow her fathers negativeness to ruin any of her time with Lex.

Macs attention left her sister when Goose bolted, running off ahead of them. She looked up not really surprised to see him there, he wasn't looking at them his attention presently focused on Goose, whom he squatted down to pet. He looked up catching her gaze, and instantly that strange energy swirled around her. They might have decided they were friends last night but it didn't seem to change the effect he had on her.

Toll stood up and walked towards them, watching her the entire time. He wished she didn't have this strange effect on him, but holding her gaze, he felt himself being pulled in again. He'd had fun with her, she always seemed to charm him out of his awkwardness, he felt almost normal in her company. Friends, he thought she had asked him if they were friends. That had been a first for him, the few people he counted as friends he known for a longtime but he liked the idea of a friendship with her, she had no idea about his life or who he really was. She believed him just a man, not a monster.

Mac watched him walk toward her taking a deep breath, the look in his eyes unsettling as always. If he'd stop the brooding intensity thing he had going maybe she be able to think coherently around him. Lex leaned closer and asked, "who's that?" Mac attention left him, traveling to Lex. She'd forgotten her sister was with her, "my neighbor" she replied but thought my friend. She liked the way that sounded she decided.

Macs gaze travelled back to him, he stopped about three feet away. Mac looked up eyes meeting his, he had that smile she liked best on his face. Mac found herself smiling in return, "fancy meeting you here." She said. Toll chuckled, "imagine that." He replied his voice sounding amused. Her smile broadened,she held his gaze a moment longer eyes twinkling, then turned her attention to Lex she said, "this is my baby sister." Toll studied Mac a moment longer, then turned his attention to the young women beside her, his smile growing wider. He stuck out his hand, "pleased to meet you, I'm Toll." He said as he shook her hand. He noticed the only resemblance the girl held to her sister, were her eyes. Bright emerald green and almond shaped. She gave him a warm smile, "I'm Lex." He dropped his hand away, and glanced at Mac who was watching her sister, she looked happy, he turned his attention back to Lex and asked, "how are you enjoying your vacation?" She smiled sweetly up at him, "it's great I love spending time with Mac." Toll thought to himself, I'm starting to feel the same way, but said, "that's good."

When they were nearly home Lex surprised Mac when she said, " he's _the_ neighbor isn't he?" Mac looked over at Lex, embarrassed and amused, worried afraid her interest showed. She asked arching her eyebrow, "what do you mean _the_ neighbor." An amused look in her eyes. Lex looked at her sister, her eyes dancing with laughter she said, "oh my he is the neighbor." Mac blushed slightly, and shook her head, saying "I don't know what it is, to which you refer." Under Lex's regard Macs face turned an even brighter shade of red, "don't even try to deny it, it's him. And before you say a word, Liam told me all about it." Mac shook her head and walked up the front steps onto the porch, Lex's voice following behind her said thoughtfully, "well he is attractive I guess, if you like big muscles. But I do have to say he wasn't what I'd expected." Mac looked over her shoulder at Lex as she opened the door, curious she asked, "and what does that mean?" Lex laughed, "I don't know your men are usually slightly prettier, like Jake he's hot and Neal was very handsome."

Mac rolled her eyes and went inside, with Lex on her heals. Lex didn't know about Neal why they'd actually split, Mac hadn't told her parents what happened. Mac smiled to herself as she headed to the kitchen, "fist of all," she began, "I have never dated Jake, and second, Neal is very handsome, but last and most important I am not interested in my neighbor in that way, regardless of what Liam thinks. We are just friends." Lex watched Mac a moment a knowing smile lighting her face, she said, "ya right."

The next day Mac noted his truck was gone again It stayed gone several days.


	10. Chapter 9

Toll lay on the bed in a dark hotel room, arm behind his head staring at the ceiling watching the fan turn round and round. He couldn't count the number of flea and cockroach infested hotels he'd stayed in, since he'd taken his first merc. job. This one was no better or worse than the others. He'd taken one look at the bed when he entered and pulled the filthy blankets off, pulling out his sleeping bag and laying it on top of the mattress.

Caesar laughed at him, but had done the same to the other bed in the room and more he flipped the mattress and sprayed it with Lysol. Toll didn't feel the need to go that far. He could hear Caesars even breathing, and lite snores. He wished he found it as easy to sleep as his friend but sleep always eluded him when they were on a mission. He spent his nights going over everything he knew about the mission, planing what he could and hoping everything went well.

Although things rarely went as they planned it all seemed to work out in the end. They all trusted each other and worked together, each one looking out for the others. There had been a time not that long ago when one of their own had become unpredictable, and dangerous. Sometimes working with Gunnar even after over a year of his being clean, still made Toll anxious, he would get that soulless, vacant look in his eyes, like he was dead on the inside. It was down right creepy even though Toll knew he was harmless, Barney never would have taken him back if he'd thought otherwise, it still could make you nervous.

That monster that Gunnar became when they were in the heat of battle soulless and vacant, laughing that dead laugh. That's what scared the shit out of him, becoming that creature who'd killed so many, he could laugh when taking a life.

Mac found her house seemed empty after Lex left, echoing and empty, even more so than when Liam moved out. The silence sometimes deafening, so she began to spend more and more time at the office which wasn't difficult. She'd had many bookings for Christmas parties coming in and though Christmas was still months away, she focused on preparing what she could. Mac found her curiosity about her neighbor continued to grow, taking on a life of its own, she hadn't seen him more than twice since Lex had left and that had been on her morning runs. They'd talk briefly and she'd feel that same tightening in her gut and strange energy. He'd smile, she'd smile and when they parted she was at a loss. For all of her asking if they were friends, she sometimes had to admit to herself that wasn't what she really wanted. But she wasn't sure exactly what she wanted, from the shy man, she wouldn't even contemplate what else it could be. So she found herself steering clear of him not necessarily avoiding him, just not searching him out.

Mac looked down at her beautiful little niece, nestled in her arms. Charlotte Elisa Sinclair, she'd been born two hours ago. And Mac was in love, with her fingers and toes and everything. She was perfect, Mac had decided the moment she'd seen her. Liam had stayed with Beth through it all, fourteen hours of labor and he'd been here by her side. Beth looked at Mac and said, "now it's your turn Mac." Macs gaze shot to Beth, who was smiling at her, Mac smiled in return her attention going back to her niece, she said, "oh I don't know about that." Beth smiled, "sure it is, find yourself a nice guy settle down and have a kid or two."

"Hey where's your little friend these days?" Hale asked, catching Tolls attention, he'd been staring at his beer, he looked over at him surprised, "I don't know." He answered truthfully. Hale's eyes filled with amusement, "I should have known you'd screw it up." There were several snorts of amusement from around the table, Toll looked around embarrassed, he asked, "what?" Caesar looked at him in humorous disbelief, "you my friend are the only one that could screw that one up." Taking a drink off his beer and then laughing at Tolls confused expression, he teased, "so I guess you won't mind if I pick up where you left off. Couldn't figure out how you turned her head with all this real man around." Barney watched Road a moment and when Caesar went to speak again Barney said, "enough bullshit, we need to talk about our latest job." Watching Road a moment more, he wished he knew more about this girl and what her angle was.

Macs body felt the need to protest majorly this morning she'd decide to run the opposite way up the grade, and when her lungs hurt instead of stopping she pushed herself. When she turned the corner onto the end of her street, she thought about slowing instead she pushed herself harder. Throwing herself down on the lawn in front of her house gasping for air her body feeling spent. She laid there with arm over her eyes waiting for heart rate to go back to normal when she heard a deep laugh. She moved her arm and opened one eye, she saw Tolls friend Hale standing there, looking throughly amused. She returned his smile, "can I help you?" She asked. He chuckled again extending a hand to help her up. She took it, "I saw you come flying around the corner and across the road I just thought I'd make sure everything was alright." She laughed as she gained her feet, and brushed herself off. "Ya, it's fine." She said good naturedly, meeting his gaze again. His eyes sparkling, "training for a marathon?" She chuckled and shook her head, "no, it's almost hunting season, and I gotta loose the beer gut before I hit the woods." She said, thinking about her up coming trip with her brother, she didn't know that she'd do any hunting but she was going. "Hunting?" Hale asked incredulous. She bit her lip and laughed, "something like that." Hale smiled at her entertained then asked, "we're going to breakfast, you want to come?" Mac almost said no she really did but she wanted to see Toll. "That would be great, where are you going? I will meet you there."

After she entered the house, she found herself hoping Toll would be alright with it. Then she shook her head of course he would they were friends.

Caesar walked into Tolls garage, looking for all the world like he'd just got away with something big. Toll asked him, "are you ready?" He hadn't been surprised to find Hale had gone looking for Mac when he came back out to the garage. But it made him nervous particularly after the comments of the other night. Hale gave him his biggest grin and said, "ya and we got one more joining us, Macs coming too. I told her you were over here pining away and she said she'd be right along." Toll exclaimed, "what!" Instantly embarrassed. Hale watched a moment and said, "chill out man, I'm only playing."

Mac walked into the restaurant, completely nervous and uncertain. Her eyes instantly searching for him, his eyes were on her. His gaze guarded, she made her way toward the table he occupied with Hale and Yang. She pulled her gaze from his as Hale turned toward her and smiled. Mac took the seat across from Toll, she gave him a hesitant smile and said, "hello."  
>"Hey." Was his reply his eyes drifting to her hesitant smile. She turned her attention to Yang and said "hi," then her attention came back to Toll. She felt certain she'd some how over stepped a line again, he didn't look mad but he wasn't smiling. She was very uncomfortable, Hale came to the rescue asking, "so how did you get into the catering business?" She pulled her attention from Toll and smiled at Hale, "I went to the Cambridge school of culinary arts." Hale smiled and asked, "and where is that." She took the menu the waitress handed her, and answered, "Cambridge Massachusetts."<br>"Are you from Massachusetts?" Yang asked drawing her attention.  
>"Ya, the Boston area." Her eyes shifted back to Toll he just watched her a smile playing around his lips.<p>

Hale monopolized the breakfast conversation, asking questions and telling stories. Mac found him entertaining, but she wished Toll would talk more. He smiled and laughed with the rest of them but had relatively nothing to say. When the check came, Mac pulled cash out of her pocket holding it out to Hale he was going to go find Yang who'd disappeared to the bathroom five minutes ago and pay. Before he could take her money Toll said, "I got it." Handing Caesar enough money to cover both their meals. Surprised Macs gaze snapped to Toll, meeting his eyes. Hale got up and walked away. A faint smile snuck onto her lips, "thank you." She said, her cheeks turning pink. Her eyes drifted to his lips, she again had no idea what to say.

Toll watched her an answering smile tugging at his own mouth. He'd been content just watching her, she'd charmed him, her eyes dancing with laughter. He was getting drawn in deeper and deeper, and he knew it. Friends, she'd asked him if they were friends. Well that word wasn't helping the part of him falling for her. No matter how stupid it sounded, he knew it was happening.

He walked her to her car, leaving the others by their bikes, neither of them said anything, she felt strange, almost breathless. Toll wished he could think of something to say but everything he thought of seemed stupid.

When they reached her car he opened the door for her, he watched her, she seemed uncertain also. She looked up at him, her eyes traveling over his face, finally coming to his eyes.

Toll looked down at her, watching her eyes drift over his face, he didn't know what to say. He could hardly think holding her gaze, not wanting to part company, but to much of a coward to ask her if she had any plans. His eyes drifted to her lips and paused.

Mac watched him, the look in his eyes as he focused on her lips unnerving. She didn't want to leave him just yet she'd missed him, and the charged air that seemed to always surround them. She asked, "what are you doing today?" His gaze shot back to her eyes, surprised, but a slow smile tugged at his lips, "I don't know." She nodded and looked away. He watched her a moment then took a deep breath and said, "going for a ride most likely."  
>"Oh," she said her eyes coming back to his.<br>"What about you?" He asked, she shook her head as her eyes travelled across his face, "nothing, it's Saturday." Toll watched her eyes travel over his, the way she was looking at him made his chest tighten. Her eyes paused on his lips then slowly came back to his. Ask me to come with you, her mind whispered. He heard the words leave his mouth before he even knew he'd thought them, "you could come with me." A slow smile worked its way onto her face and she said, "I'd like that." He smiled at her, his gaze dropping to her lips and Mac felt her heart begin to race.

Mac felt shaky the moment she got into her car, her mind whispered what are you doing Mac? where are you going with this? She shoved those thoughts aside. Shed think about it later, there was no way in hell she wasn't going with him. She wanted this she'd worry about it later.

On the ride home following her, he told himself not to read anything besides friendship into this. She'd had nothing to do today that's the only reason she had agreed to go. Be careful he told himself, falling for her wasn't wise. He found himself regretting asking her in some ways. He never knew what to say to her and it only got worse when they were around people. He hadn't told Hale or Yang what was happening only that he needed to go home. So they'd followed even though he'd hoped they'd let him catch up with later.


	11. Chapter 10

**Let your mind take a little back road just as far as you wanna go**

**Baby, I'll do, whatever you wanna do, wanna do - Blake Shelton**

* * *

><p>Toll pulled into his yard, shutting off his bike, He quickly glanced down the road to make sure she wasn't coming yet. Thankfully she wasn't, he turned his attention back to his friends, he hadn't come up with anything to say that was going to save him any embarrassment. He'd tried to think of something anything on the way here. Not that he really cared what they thought, just that he felt embarrassed enough just from asking her if she wanted to come.<p>

Hale looked at him expectantly and asked, "so what did you need to come back for?" Toll tried to figure out what to say, when nothing came to mind he gritted his teeth and went with the truth, "Mac." Was all he said holding Hale's eyes. Hale's eyes instantly filled with surprise followed by amusement, he said, "no shit, I didn't think you had it in ya." Toll managed to keep control of his discomfort and said, "it's not a big deal we are friends, that's all."

"Ya, if you say so." He said his voice sounding amused. Going on the defensive Toll said, "she had nothing to do, so she's coming with us." He got off his bike and headed for the house he needed to get Lacy's helmet and he wanted to get away from Hale. They let him go, Yang hadn't said anything, just looked shocked. Hale however couldn't leave anything alone.

Mac watched him drive by in her rear view mirror, as she pulled into her driveway, the others close behind. She didn't know if nervous was the right word to explain how she felt, she just knew she felt on edge. She set there, hands gripping the steering wheel for a full minute, while she thought about it. What are you doing, she kept thinking. But the answer was simple she told herself, nothing I am doing nothing, we are just friends. She reached up and turned off her car, noting her check engine light had come on, again. She defiantly need to get the lemon law thing figured out. She ran inside and made sure Goose could get out, and changed into some jeans then walked to Tolls house.

She saw Hale and Yang the minute she got to the end of her driveway, Toll wasn't anywhere in sight. Hale watched her, his eyes twinkling, she knew he would enjoy this. Yang just smiled at her, but Hale he reminded her of an alligator, his smile was so big, showing all his teeth. She had no doubt her quiet neighbor had already got a healthy amount of shit about her coming along, Hale liked to stir things up. Mac came to a stop in front of them, Holding Hale's gaze it was obvious he wanted to say something. But she didn't give him the chance she looked at Yang and asked, "where's Toll?"  
>"He's inside." Mac turned intent on finding him but at that moment he stepped into the garage, her gaze moving to him, Mac couldn't see him all that well on the dimly lit interior. But she thought he might have hesitated, so she said, "I'm ready." Wanting to put him at ease.<p>

"I see that," he said as he walked out the garage door hitting the button so the door would close. His reply sounding stupid to him, he hadn't known what else to say.

She waited for him by his bike, ignoring the fact she knew Hale watched, she just held Tolls gaze. She smiled at him wanting him to hurry up and get to her, Hale's gaze boring into her back driving her nuts. When he reached her he didn't say anything just handed her the helmet, but she saw something in his eyes that made her think he was uncomfortable. She held his eyes a smile playing on her lips she said, "let's go."

While she pulled on her helmet and did the chin strap, she heard Hale say, "you can ride with me." She looked at him, giving him a dirty look she knew he couldn't see, then climbed on behind Toll. A secretive little smile, blossoming on her face, she wrapped her arms around his thick muscular waist. The bike came to life and away they went, Mac snuggled closer than she needed and tightened her grip.

They stopped about fifteen minutes later, pulling up to a gas pump. Mac got off and took off her helmet, she excused herself and went inside. When she came out a few minutes later Hale and Yang were driving off. Mac looked at Toll expectantly, he said after a moment, "I'm going to catch up with them later." She held his gaze for a moment, wondering what he was thinking. Then dropped her gaze to the helmet he had waiting in his hand, she took a piece of gum out of the pack she'd just bought, unwrapped it and popped it in her mouth. When her attention came back to him, she offered him a piece, he smiled faintly and shook his head no. "Gums bad for your teeth," he said, feeling stupid the minute the words came out he hoped she didn't take that as criticism. Mac returned his faint smile, briefly meeting his eyes, she reached for the helmet. He handed it to her and asked, "you ready?"  
>"Ya," she said with a smile, getting on the bike behind him. "Where are we going?" She asked as she put the helmet on, Toll turned his head slightly and asked, "where do you want to go?" Mac smiled inside her helmet, "the coast." She answered.<br>"Then the coast it is," he said, starting his bike and driving off. She wrapped her arms around him and smiled.

Toll liked the feel of her arms around him, her hands resting on his abdomen, her body brushing against his, she had a slightly tighter hold then she needed but he didn't care. And he certainly wasn't going to point it out. They left the city and headed south.

Mac watched the scenery role by, content to simply be close to him. She didn't know why the others had left, but secretly she was glad. She forced herself to ignore that nagging little voice in her head, asking her what she was doing. It didn't matter at this moment, she was right where she wanted. They came to a stop sign in a small town about an hour away, then drove just down the street to a scenic look out, pulling off.

Once they'd parked Mac got off his bike and removed her helmet, before she'd even looked at him he said, "I thought you might want to stop." She looked at him and smiled, her eyes holding his. She wasn't going to say anything but he looked hesitant almost like he didn't know if he done the right thing. "Thanks," she said then turned her attention to the view. She unzipped her jacket, it felt at least seventy five but she wouldn't get on any kind of motorcycle without a jacket. Taking it off she turned to lay it down, but he took it from her hands and laid it on his seat along with her helmet. She watched him, feeling her breath catch, hit again by how attracted she was to him. Her eyes moved over him, the sleeves of his red button down shirt stretching over his biceps, and clinging to the broad expanse of his back. she had realized awhile ago there was not an ounce of fat on his powerfully built body, the thought making her feel warm.

His gaze came back to her, and she felt herself blush, like she'd been caught doing something wrong. Which she had been, well maybe not wrong but bad. Her gaze fixed on the strong line of his jaw, something inside her whispered but why is it bad. She tore her attention from him and looked back at the ocean, afraid he'd see what shed been thinking. He moved so he stood beside her, and said, "it's pretty here." She looked over at him, a soft smile spreading across her face, "ya it is." She studied his profile her eyes drifting to his lips all of their own accord, she wondered for just a moment how they'd feel. Then yelled at herself to stop.

He turned his head and looked down at her, his eyes traveling over her features, she slowly looked up at him, the look in her eyes unsettling, he'd seen one akin to it before but never this one. God help him. she dropped her gaze again, again wondering what he'd taste like at the thought a shiver rushed over her skin. She berated herself and tore her gaze from him, she need to do something before he figured out where her mind had been. It struck her how beautiful the vista was, so she asked, "is this a place you come?" Suddenly curious. "I've stopped here before, I thought you might like it." Her eyes came back to him, his words doing something to her, no matter how innocent they sounded.

Toll watched her gaze coming back to him her beautiful eyes holding a softer look, then when she tore her gaze from his mouth. He felt his chest tighten. Mac held his gaze, wishing desperately that she knew what he was thinking. All she knew for certain was he made her feel breathless. The air felt thick and heavy, as she stood there meeting his eyes, Mac smiled faintly and looked away again, before she could have anymore bad thoughts.

Toll felt himself being drawn into her, that soft look in her expressive eyes making him want, a warning signal went off in his brain, telling him to look away. Before he could Mac looked away and the spell broke. He watched her walk to his motorcycle and grab her stuff.

Mac still felt a little breathless as she put on her jacket, shaking off the feeling, she turned toward him, and smiled faintly, she asked. "Are you ready?"

Toll watched her a minute longer, his gaze traveling down her body, then coming back to her face, "if you are." He noticed her gaze had left him she focused on some point on the horizon. When he reached her, suddenly uncertain not knowing if she was ready to go back to the city. A large part of him hoped she wasn't, she spoke saving him the awkwardness. "Where are we going now?" He paused wanting her to look at him still uncertain what to say, her eyes slowly came back to him, "where ever you want." He found himself answering. She smiled at him and asked, "can we keep going?"

Barney walked into Tools shop, looking around he saw everyone was there except Toll, slightly surprised he wasn't there, he said. "Caesar, call Road, we have a job."  
>"I can try but he might not answer." He said pulling out his phone. "Why wouldn't he answer?" Barney asked feeling slightly irritated, having just heard from Church this morning. He couldn't stand the smug bastard. "He took Mac for a ride." He laid a heavy innuendo on the word ride. Barney however wasn't in the mood, before he could tell Hale to just get Road on the phone. Tool spoke up, "maybe you should leave it brother, you can brief Toll later." Barney's gaze snapped to Tool, he nodded and said, "if he doesn't answer we'll do it without him."<p>

So Mac found her arms wrapped around him again, she closed her eyes trying not to think about a few moments ago, come what may she wanted this day with him.

He pulled into a small Oceanside seafood place around noon, thinking she might be hungry. He pulled his phone out, he'd gotten a text

you still riding oops I mean out for a ride with Mac? We're having a briefing call when you get this. Hale

Toll knew his face turned red, he wasn't really surprised Caesar couldn't just leave things alone but sometimes his friend was a little to corse for his tastes. He looked up Mac who'd climbed off and took off her helmet when he stopped, and said "I have to make a call." Then added, "why don't you go in and get us a table." Mac smiled slightly curious, noting his red face then went inside anyway.

He called Barney, not wanting to talk to Hale. He absent mindedly watched her walk across the parking lot, irritated with Hale. Barney answered the phone, "hey?"  
>"What's up?" Toll asked.<br>"We've got a job, are you back?"  
>"No, when do you need me?"<p>

"Whenever, just get ahold of me when you get back in town. We're leaving day after tomorrow." Toll hadn't mentioned her and neither had Barney, but again Barney wondered.

Toll walked into the restaurant, knowing Barney had wanted to ask about her, he could hear it in his voice. Barney was the least likely to give into his curiosity, he always respected the boundaries between their private lives and what they shared. She looked up and smiled at him as he walked toward her. The smile spreading across her features and lighting her eyes. He set down across from her, she asked the first question that came to mind. "Is everything alright?" He leaned back and picked up his menu, "fine," he said quickly changing the subject, "are you hungry?"  
>"Yup." She answered her eyes traveling over his down turned face, as he studied his menu, wondering why he'd looked embarrassed. Macs gaze wandered to his hands, he had nice hands she mused, strong hands but stopped herself before her mind could wander over those possibilities.<p>

Toll kept finding his gaze drawn to her, they ate pretty much in silence, neither really having much to say. It was different she usually talked his ear off, which he found charming. He suddenly worried she was finding him boring, she hadn't said much, she hadn't even hardly looked at him.

Mac found the need to not speak nice, she didn't feel that strange need to always talk she usually felt around him at the moment. She knew he'd looked at her frequently but hadn't tried to start a conversation.

Toll continued the eat, thinking about his companion, he found himself wondering if they had anything in common. Certain she'd find him bookish and boring if she knew him, or worse if she really ever knew him she'd see him for the monster he was. That thought scared him, this friendship between them was becoming way to important to him.

When they finished eating she followed him to the counter, he reached in his pocket to grab his wallet but she was faster, grabbing the check out of his hand and handing it and some cash to the cashier. She turned and looked up at him, as the cashier got her change, he still had a surprised look on his face. She gave him a sly smile, laughing slightly, "you got breakfast," she said with a shrug her eyes twinkling, "so I'll get lunch, it's what friends do." She finished her smile getting brighter.

Toll stared at her, she looked adorable, sheepish actually and proud of herself. Friends, he thought, the word reminding him to hold back. That's what she wanted, friends. Pushing the slightly depressing thought away, he smiled at her.

When they left the restaurant, Toll headed overland leaving the ocean behind. He need to head back, not liking that he'd missed a meeting. But still he felt reluctant to let this day end, he might not have another day like this with her, he'd been grateful this morning at the gas station when Yang had announced he had something else to do. And even though Hale's eyes had conveyed plenty, he followed along behind Yang. Simply saying, "threes a crowd."

When Toll pulled into the gas station Mac was grateful, not use to riding on a motorcycle her thighs and butt hurt, she climbed off shaking her legs, and pulling off her helmet. Toll asked, "are you alright?" Looking slightly amused as she lifted her foot and shook one leg then the other. She looked up at him, her cheeks turning slightly red, "my ass hurts." Instantly concerned and embarrassed he should have thought she'd get uncomfortable. Her blush faded and on came a smile, "I'll be alright, I'm tuff." Giving him a reassuring smile, "I'm just going to walk." She said gesturing toward the picnic tables not far away. Toll put his card in the pump as he watched her walk off, she stopped leaning against one of the picnic tables. She had pulled out her phone and was now looking at it. She reached up and unzipped her jacket, with one hand and slid it off laying it on the picnic table behind her.

Toll watched the late afternoon sun play on her hair, making the red he'd noticed before brighter, the sight of her doing something to him. She looked up her green eyes catching his, smiled and looked back down at her phone. That smile and look reminded him of the first time he'd seen her.

Mac pulled her phone out, she'd missed five texts this afternoon all from Beth, one asking her to come visit. And four were pictures of her niece, she responded to Beth's text glancing over at Toll and catching his eye, then answered,

Sorry I just got your text I'm not in town. Mac

She actually was curious where they were exactly. She lost the thought when she got another text.

I figured you were busy when you didn't answer. You should feel extremely guilty Charlotte wants her auntie. Lol! Beth

Mac rolled her eyes she hated all the lol, omg, and brb shit. And she knew that's why Beth did it to her, she responded.

I can come over tomorrow. Mac

k! Beth

Mac looked up when a shadow fell over her, Toll stood there looking down at her, she smiled up at him, and said, "my sister in-laws been trying to get ahold of me."  
>"Oh." He said hoping he wasn't keeping her away from something important. Mac watched him a moment and said, "she's just a little frazzled I think, she just had my niece." Handing her phone to him so he could see the picture. He took it and looked at the baby on the screen, she just looked like a baby to him, but he said what was always safe to say in this instance, "she's cute." Mac laughed drawing his attention back to her, "babies are very rarely cute, but I love her anyway." Toll couldn't help but chuckle at her reaction, most people only thought it, they never said it. "Don't ever tell Beth I said that, shed never forgive me." She said still laughing slightly. She took in his bemused expression, and said, "oh don't even try to tell me you didn't think it." He folded his arms over his chest, he couldn't help but tease her, "most people don't say it." He said smiling, she gave him a funny look trying to look offended, he grinned wider, "your bad." She held his gaze a moment longer, then said, "now I'm bad, I was a brat." He chuckled, "no, you're still a brat."<p>

It wasn't long and they were back on the road, once Mac figured out where they were she knew they couldn't be more than twenty miles outside of the city. It made her slightly sad thinking her time with him was almost over, she had liked being with him just the two of them.

Toll reached back to steady her as she got off his bike, she pulled her helmet off and waited for him, to get off. He stopped at her house first, again Mac felt tiny standing there with him, the look in his eyes unsettling, she got the feeling he wanted to say something. She said, "thank you, I had a great time." For some reason him believing her became important.  
>Toll studied her face but something in her almost hesitant and almost shy mannerisms told him she did, he felt his chest tighten again, it made him exceedingly happy. He said, "me too." His voice coming out ruff. Her gaze dropped to his lips, she focused on them. Needing to pull himself free of her, he said, "well Kamron Gloriana Sinclair, I have to meet somebody." Her eyes came back to his, her green eyes unsettling, why was she looking at him like that, he wondered for the second time today. Her smile when it came, causing his breath to falter, "alright, Garret Roads." She handed him the helmet and asked, "I'll see you soon?"<p>

"ya," he answered, her smile broadened and she turned and walked toward her house, he just watched her, she'd never called him by his real name before and he found he liked the way it sounded, she looked over her shoulder as she reached the porch, a soft smile on her lips. She paused and looked at him a moment, then she turned and walked across her porch and opened the door disappearing into the house.

He stood there a moment longer than realized he'd been standing there like an idiot, instantly embarrassed he got on his bike and rolled out of her driveway, then fired it up balancing her helmet on his lap and drove to his house. A slight smile on his face, she'd managed to make him fall a little further, it didn't matter how stupid it might be, he couldn't change it. Just before he got to Barney's it dawned on him her door hadn't been locked.

It wasn't that late so Mac showered and got dressed then went to Liam and Beth's, when she walked in Liam asked arching his eyebrow, "and where have you been today?" She just arched her eyebrow right back and said, "what are you my keeper?" He folded his arms over his chest and gave her a look of authority "that depends."  
>"Last time I checked twenty eight meant I didn't need a babysitter." Liam chucked, "alright, but I'm watching you." She laughed. Then saw Beth coming with Charlotte, reaching out she took her into her arms, thinking about her earlier conversation with Toll she actually did feel bad. But smiled anyway, her thoughts drifting to him momentarily, until Liam asked " what's that look for?" She gave him a sheepish smile and said, "wouldn't you like to know." She kissed Charlotte's head, then looked at her brother who was giving her a calculating look, he cocked his eyebrow again and said, "I reiterate, I'm watching you."<br>Mac laughed and said, "whatever." Mac stayed at her brothers until after nine, Tess called Mac and ended up coming over also. Mac found herself at The Roadhouse that night, a big good ole southern boy hang out with its big dance floor, bar and constant supply of one night girls, in their short shorts and tight revealing shirts. Unfortunately it was the best place around to go dancing also.

Barney pulled into The Roadhouse he hated these kind of places, he still didn't know why his contact for their job wanted to meet here. Church had just told him to show up and what time, set down at the bar and his contact would find him.

Mac felt someone grab her arm she looked up to see Tess's friend Eric standing there, one of the few men here she'd dance with, she allowed him to lead her to the dance floor. Tip it back was playing and she loved that song, so she let him spin her around the dance floor.

Unfortunately the contact wasn't prompt, it gave him a lot of time to survey his surroundings. He couldn't help but notice the number of half dressed young women, if he had a daughter, she damn sure wouldn't be dressed like that, he thought. That's when he saw her at first in the crowd, simply because she had way more cloths on than most of the women present, but he wasn't sure, when the people standing around thinned out some he saw her. She was on the dance floor with some guy, dancing way closer than she should, considering she'd just spent the day with Toll. She was looking at the man with the same look he'd seen her use on his friend and the guy at the bar that night. He'd known there was something about her.

Toll had finally gotten home around midnight, noticing she wasn't home. He knew it was fruitless to think about her as anything but a friend, but it was difficult. Especially when she looked at him like she had today. Don't be stupid he kept telling himself.

Mac woke up early the next morning she hadn't slept well, tossing and turning throughout the night. She had though about him, not knowing what she was doing, every minute of their day running through her head over and over. She rolled over frustrated, thumping her fist into her pillow, she looked at her alarm clock, 5:15 ugh. She had gone out last night so she wouldn't dwell on it. Well it had been a colossal fail, she'd still been up all night! She set up and threw the blankets back, maybe a run would clear her head.


	12. Chapter 11

**I hold it up and show my buddies**

**Like we ain't scared and our boots ain't muddy**

**And they all laugh like there's something funny**

**'bout the way I talk, when I say mama sends her best ya'll**

**I fold it up and put it in my shirt**

**Pick up my gun and get back to work**

**And it keeps me drivin' on, waitin' on**

**Letters from home - John Michael Montgomery **

* * *

><p>Toll found himself thinking of a simpler time, a time he'd just been a young man with faith in the world, when he'd believed in the good of mankind and the flag on his shoulder had meant something. He remembered the morning he'd left to enlist like it was yesterday, his mother had cried, his father shook his hand. He'd been nervous, unsure if he had made the right choice for his life. Worried about the days ahead, Fort Benning had turned him into a man. His young mind had romanticized going into service, he'd gone away a boy expecting to come home a conquering hero. But the realities of war had changed him, slowly eroding his faith, he became desensitized to death and pain. And it had opened his eyes to evils of man. He'd felt nothing like a conquering hero when he'd finally came home. His experiences had destroyed his innocence, and made him feel empty, so the transition to Mercenary had been easy.<p>

Sometimes, he'd give almost anything to change that part of his past, to go back to the man he'd been before he took that first life, it had killed something inside of him. It hadn't been a clean kill and the man, a boy really, younger than he'd been himself, had held his eyes. Toll had been unable to look away, while the life left him. He'd never forget that moment as long as he lived. He thrown up, and later that night cried in himself to sleep. He wouldn't however change the choice to go, just change the effect it had on him if he could. But nothing could have prepared him for the reality.

Really the only thing that kept him going were the letters from his mom. He hadn't felt so scared when he'd read them. She had unselfishly and unwittingly given him all her strength and faith, sometimes carrying him even thought oceans separated them. She'd died by the time he came back, nothing in his life had ever been the same.

He wondered what Mac would have thought of him then, in those days before his life had become what it became. Would she have wanted his friendship? Another stupid thought. He hated this, the way she made him feel, she made him think about how different his life could have been. The way she looked at him two days ago still fresh in his mind. He couldn't stop the fall he found himself taking, as much as he knew that, he also knew it would hurt when he stopped.

He'd spent the better part of yesterday helping the guys get things ready to go. It hadn't stopped the memories of her from the previous day, they kept coming back. The feel of her close to him, or the sound of her laughter, that sheepish grin at the restaurant, but mostly it couldn't stop the memory of that look. Just the memory of it made his chest tighten. He'd hoped he'd see her again before he left, he'd seriously contemplated stopping and seeing her this morning, he wanted her to know he'd be back soon. He dismissed the idea the moment he'd had it, what would be the point. She wasn't his and she never would be.

He shoved his melancholy thoughts aside, and concentrated on checking his gear. They'd be in Brazil soon, he couldn't spend anymore time thinking about her.

Mac leaned back looking at her computer, this lemon law thing was a pain in the ass. This time, the problem apparently was the heads, she had decided it might be easier to just trade it in, when she got it back. She hated to make it someone else's problem but she might not have a choice. The dealership wasn't helpful, they gave her the run around, they didn't want to have to absorb the remainder of her debt. Which they would if they took the car back. She really didn't understand it, it would be a tax deduction for them. Ugh, the drive to Lafayette on Saturday would cost three times as much in Liam's truck.

When Mac got home that night, she checked to see if his truck was home, day two since she'd seen it there and day three since she'd seen him. She wished she could understand what it was about him that made her act this way. She felt more like the heroin in that romance novel than ever. She kinda had begun to think she missed him, dumb that's what it was. Frustrated with herself she pulled in and shut Liam's truck off, pulling the keys out, then opened the door, and got out.

She needed to leave this strange mood behind. She walked across the yard and went inside, kicking off her heels by the door she headed to the kitchen. Opening the fridge she pulled out a Budweiser opening it, she went back to the livingroom. Walked over and turned on the television. Top Gear came on, that would at least make her feel better. Mac curled up on the couch with Goose, last thing she remembered she was dozing off to Kid Rock driving their Suzuki.

Over the next few days she managed to push him to the back of her mind, but never completely out. She told herself they were just friends, ignoring that nagging little voice that kept reminding her, a friend didn't wonder how their friends lips would feel.

Mac woke up early Saturday morning, and got in the shower wondering if he'd gotten back yet.. She had spent an unhealthy amount of the time the last five days thinking about him. She didn't think about the fact that her over abundant interest, contradicted their friend status. She told herself it was normal, just regular curiosity. She had spent sometime contemplating his many absences lately, she wanted to know more about what he did. But most of all, she just wanted to see him. It had been a week today since she had, she still felt warm when she thought about him, he'd been so... Stop it, she told herself.

She stepped out of the shower wrapped her hair and dried off, then wrapped a towel around her body. Walking into her bedroom, she grabbed the white dress with the large floral print off her chair, she pulled off her towel and got dressed.

When she was all ready she looked in the mirror running her hands down the white dress covered in large black daisies, she pulled down on the high waist adjusting it, then did the same with square neck line and capped sleeves, she checked her low off-center bun and grabbed the lavender colored cardigan off her bed.

They'd gotten home late Friday night, late enough to technically be Saturday morning. He woke up early like normal and could have fallen back to sleep but he wanted to see her. So he drug his exhausted ass out of bed, hoping if he ran, he'd happen to run in to her. He knew it was stupid but he couldn't help it. He'd thought about her frequently, Caesar had helped that particular problem, bringing her up often. He felt like telling him, he didn't need any help obsessing over her at the moment.

Mac saw him out the window, he's back! She thought, not caring to examine why she felt so much happiness, she rushed to the door and opened it slightly, pausing a moment. She took a deep breath and reached down, brushing the wrinkles out of her dress. She took another deep breath and stepped outside. She saw his smile even from a distance an answering one sneaking onto her face.

Toll watched her, she looked adorable, he'd never seen her in a dress, it made his smile broaden.

Mac watched him, walking toward her, she started walking to the end of the driveway. But stopped when he got close enough she could see the look he gave her. She knew she blushed and for a moment looked anywhere but at him.

Tolls eyes travelled over her, her knee-length skirt and classic cut of her dress, would make you think she might be headed off to a church picnic. The thought made him smile even more, she looked innocent, that thought made his gut clench. Innocence, could be dangerous at least in his experience. He watched her blush and demurely look away, unknowingly playing along with his present fantasy. Her eyes slowly came back to him, her smile, the only word to describe it being sweet, made him feel ten feet tall for some reason.

Mac felt a little shaky when she looked back up at him, she'd had to get her bearings or she was going to embarrass herself. She smiled happy to see him, regardless of her discomfort. "You're back" she said a smile in her voice. He nodded, her eyes traveled over his face. Clasping her wrists behind her back, she studied him a moment longer, a slight smile on her face, her bright eyes on him.

Toll watched her closely, the light in her eyes, changing, dancing really, he suddenly realized she was happy to see him. The thought having a powerful effect on him.

He realized he been to busy with his own thoughts too answer her, he gave her a lopsided grin, "going to a church picnic?" He asked teasing her. Really just wanting to know where she was going looking like that. She gave him a shy smile, stepped back crossing one leg behind the other, she curtsied and said, "nope, off to caterer to southern royalty," a laugh in her voice. Popping back up from her curtsy, she batted her eyes lashes at him and laughed.

He watched her, arms folded over his chest, that lopsided grin on his face, enchanted yet again. "Do I pass muster, you think?" She said with a cheeky grin. He made an amused noise, and nodded, "ya I think you got it," he answered amusement in his voice.

Mac watched him, a bright smile appearing on her face, at his answer. She bit her lower lip slightly, an unsettling silence settled around her as he continued to look at her. He made her feel so tiny and feminine, the thought making her feel warm.

She impulsively asked, "what are you thinking?" With a faint smile, trying to shake off that warm liquid feeling she had settling inside her, from the look in his eyes.

Toll shook his head his lopsided smile turning into a grin, "I think as charming as you are at the moment, you'll have them all eating out of the palm of your hand." She gave him an innocent look, "you think I'm charming?" But her innocent look was just a little to mischievous, making him think of that old saying, 'like the cat that ate the cream'

He threw his head back and laughed, the sound coming from deep down in his chest. When he looked back at her, he shook his head, his eyes full of amusement.

She arched her eyebrow folded her own arms over her chest, giving him a dirty look, "I think I might be offended!" She exclaimed, eyes twinkling.

He laughed again, folding his arms over his chest and said, "you know your charming."

She gave him another dirty look, trying to look offended and said, "your mean."

He laughed again, watching her eyes dance, "how am I mean, I just told you what you wanted to hear?" She shook her finger at him, her eyes twinkling, "ya but it is how you said it." They both laughed, he shook his head, he bet she could charm anyone if she wanted too. When she stopped laughing she held his gaze, her eyes becoming more serious, she said, "I have to get going." He didn't say anything, he wished this wasn't it. Her eyes drifted to his lips, god help her, she'd thought about those lips so much. She took a shaky breath, "I have to go to Lafayette." She said, her eyes slowly coming back to his. He nodded, his eyes holding hers, " alright," he said.

Mac watched him walk off, she wished she knew when she'd see him again, the thought becoming very important, she said, "Toll." He turned looking back at her, "ya?" He asked. She took a shaky breath, not certain what to say, her eyes travelled to his. She wanted to ask him if he was gonna be home a while, she wanted to know when she'd see him again, she wanted to know she'd see him again before he left but said, "I'll see you, soon." She was doing it again, her gaze hesitant almost shy, he liked that look too much. After a moment he found his voice "ya." She awarded him for his answer, with a bright happy smile. His eyes held hers, that happy smile making his body tense, he needed to get away from her before he did something stupid, he nodded and said, "I'll see you soon Mac." He turned and walked off a second time.

Mac watched him a moment, struggling with herself, she had no way off knowing when she'd see him again, for some reason that thought became important. She didn't even allow her next thought to fully process, she said "wait." He turned and looked at her, a surprised look on his face, "ya?" He asked. She walked toward him, nervous not wanting to meet his eyes. She stopped about three feet away, her eyes came to his.

Toll watched expectantly, all of her humor from moments ago gone. He could see her discomfort, her cheeks grew a little red, when her eyes met his, she looked unsure. "Would you maybe want to go hiking tomorrow." She paused a moment her eyes traveling over his face, then coming back to his, "if you don't have anything to do, you could come with me." The invitation nearly rendered him speechless, he watched her closely. He had to remind himself this was only the friend thing talking, it was the only thing it could be, "I'd like that." She smiled slowly, "good, how's seven-thirty?"

Mac thought for half a second he might say no, the way he looked at her after she'd asked, well she didn't know what to make of it. Surprise and something else, she couldn't name. She hadn't been prepared for his reaction, it made her doubt herself more. She'd hadn't known how much she wanted him to say yes until after he did.

Barney set on a stool a Tools watching Toll, he had decided to make a habit of watching Toll Road, he'd paid careful attention the last few days for any signs or anything that would give him a clue, to how the water lay with that girl. One word had kept coming from his friends mouth, friends, but he didn't look or act like a man with friendship on his mind. He'd known the moment Road drove into Tools shop today, that something was up. He'd been grinning obviously thinking about something private. Barney felt absolutely certain, it had something to do with that girl.

Once Mac got in Liam's truck and headed for Layfette, a sort of panic set in, she started questioning her motives. It had been, yet again another impulsive move, he seemed to do that to her. Shaking her head she decided she wasn't going to worry about it.

Toll showed up at her door at almost seven-thirty exactly, she'd been ready and anxiously waiting for him for a half hour, she'd woke up feeling anxious. But refused to examine why, telling herself they were just friends. Macs heart had skipped a beat when she heard the knock, she grabbed her water bottle off the island, took a deep breath and walked to the door. Telling herself to calm down, she looked down at Goose who was dancing happily along beside her, anticipating a ride. She'd decided not to take him today, and said, "I'm sorry little man, you can't come but I'll take you for a long walk when I get back."

Mac reached out and opened the door, he was facing the road, he turned slowly looking down at her a smile on his face. Mac instantly noticed the dark stubble on his jaw, a smile spreading across her face, she'd always liked a man with five o'clock shadow. finding her voice after a moment, she asked "Are you ready?"

Toll knocked on Macs door, he reached up his hand rubbing his stubble, slightly embarrassed he'd forgotten to buy razors. He knew this wasn't a date but still, he felt clean-shaven was appropriate. But the look in her pretty eyes when she'd seen it made him glad he'd forgotten those razors, he usually never knew for certain what she was thinking but that look made him think she just might like it.

Toll watched Mac out the corner of his eye, she hadn't said much to say since they'd left her house. Just telling him they were heading two hours away, and asking him if he needed to stop at a store or anything other than that conversation was minimal. He didn't ask where they were going, just decided he'd let it be a surprise.

Concentrating on the road, she drove with one hand on the shifter, one hand on the steering wheel, like she anticipated her next shift even after they left city traffic behind. He could tell she liked driving this truck, she was aggressive, keeping the turbo spooled. It made a faint smile tug at his lips. She glanced over at him catching him watching her, a smile on her face, then looked back at road.

Mac watched him covertly, as he got ready to hit the trail, neither of them had said much on the way here. He looked really good this morning, his grey t-shirt stretched tight across his chest, dark stubble on his jaw, she felt her stomach flutter, he was so impossibly attractive. She suddenly felt the need to talk, uncomfortable with her thoughts, she quickly pushed the thought away. She liked the silence, even if she did find it somewhat unsettling by times.

She grabbed her camelback, and focused on putting it on. She felt her stomach flutter again, thinking about him, her cheeks flushed, she turned away so he wouldn't glance up and see her. She took a deep breath, and tamped down the inconvenient feelings. She'd invited him here as a friend, drooling wasn't a good idea.

Toll looked up, she was putting on her camelback, his eyes slowly travelled over her, she turned around, her back to him. Her silence on the way here, and the fact he knew she'd been watching him moments ago, made him wish he knew what might be going on in her head. But decided instead, to focus on his curiosity about where they were. It was obvious they weren't on Park lands of any sort. There were no marked paths off the clearing, just game trails, and a couple ATV trails.

They'd left the main roads behind a half hour ago, following a maze of twisting dirt road to get here. When they pulled off the main road she'd just looked over at him and smiled. His curiosity grew, the farther they'd gone down dirt roads but he hadn't asked any questions.

Her attention came back to him, she smiled and asked, "are you ready?" He held her gaze a moment, then smiled faintly, "ya, where are we?" She smiled making her way toward him, "this land belongs to my friend Tess's dad." She said still smiling, "and we are on a scouting trip." He looked down at her, curious he asked, "and what are we scouting?" Her smile broadened, eyes twinkling she answered, "the elusive Louisianan whitetail."

He felt himself grin as he looked down at her, not really understanding why he felt surprised yet again, by something she did. He asked as she stepped around him and headed toward a game trail near by, "you hunt?"

Mac heard his question, noting the surprise in his voice, she laughed. "Ya a bit, not as much as Liam though." She glanced back at him, then turned around walking backwards, she smiled and said, "well come on, we got ground to cover." He watched her a moment, a slight grin on his face, then followed her.

They fell into a comfortable silence as they walked, she'd point something out every so often but she mainly focused on the area around them. He got the feeling she didn't miss much, taking her task seriously. It had been a longtime since he'd gone scouting a potential hunting ground. The normalcy of this excursion took him back to a different time, and brought a smile to his lips. If he'd led a different life, he'd still do stuff like this. But somehow hunting people had made killing animals lose it's appeal. He saw quite enough bloodshed with his work.

They entered a small clearing about an hour later, she turned and smiled at him, a slightly surprised look on her face like maybe she'd forgotten about him. He smiled at her expression, "forgot about me, did ya?" He teased. Her smile broadened, "maybe" she said sheepishly. "You just have so much to say." She continued teasingly, her eyes twinkling. He shook his head, "you've usually got enough to say for both of us." He said, trying to look severe. She just laughed, then asked, "are you ready for a break?" As she unbuckled the straps on her camelback, pulling it off, then removing her thin gray hoodie. She looked up at him expectantly, then set down on her hoodie she'd discarded on the ground. Her attention going back to her camelback, she unzipped it and pulled out a protein bar.

He took of his backpack and set down also.

She surprised him when a moment later she asked, "where are you from?" Her gaze came to his, her eyes curious, she smiled. "Just outside of Detroit." He answered, then took a drink from the water bottle he'd just pulled out of his bag. She nodded a slight smile on her face, "motor city. Nice."

They set in silence for a while, when Mac finished her protein bar and water, she flopped herself back on the grass. She looked over at him, her hand coming up to shield her eyes from the sun. He was watching her, Macs eyes travelled over his face, settling on his lips. "What was Detroit like as a kid?" She asked her eyes coming back to his.

He faintly smiled, "alright." Liking her sudden curiosity about where he was from, more than he should.

"Just alright? I'd think it would be every boys dream." She said looking away.

Smiling again, he asked, "and whys that?"

"Oh ya know, the big three and car museums, drag strips, the hemi, more horsepower has come out of that city than anywhere else in the states."

He found himself chuckling, she was an odd little thing, "there's that I guess. How was Boston?"  
>She set up and looked at him, arching an eyebrow, and looking mischievous. "Well it's not Detroit," she answered and laughed, then said, "it was cool. Lots of history, lots of drunk Irishmen." Her eyes drifted to his lips again, her smile fading momentarily, when her eyes came back to his, she said, "ya I loved it."<p>

She looked away again, He knew he shouldn't set here and stare at her, but he couldn't help it. She was just so different then what he'd originally thought, if anyone had ever told him, she'd be this girl, he'd of said they were nuts. She looked completely at home, setting here in the middle of this field, scouting to see how plentiful the whitetail population was in the area. The thought did something to him, pulled at something inside him. He knew he was in trouble, she made him feel things.

Mac stood up pulling his thoughts back to the present, she brushed herself off and asked, "are you ready?" He stood smiling at her, "sure." He answered.

They headed back to where they'd parked, when they got back to the truck she looked at him and smiled, "thanks, for coming with me by the way, Liam would have had a fit if I came out here alone." He smiled, he could understand that, he wouldn't want her way out here alone either, "no problems," then added, his voice lower, "I wouldn't want you out here alone either." Macs smile faded, her eyes drifted to his lips, when her eyes came back to his they held that same soft look she'd given last weekend. He stared at her, then she abruptly turned and watched her walk around the truck, taking off her camelback she didn't look at him again until they got in, and that look had been hesitant.

Get ahold of yourself Mac thought to herself, if you don't this is gonna be a long two hours back. The things he sometimes said to her and the way he put them, no matter how innocently meant had an effect on her. In her experience most men, didn't say stuff like that or thought past themselves enough to care if you liked where they took you, or worry about your safety. He was different, he was a gentlemen.

By the time the hit the main road, she'd managed to gain some composure. She took a deep breath glad to see black top again, she asked, "are you hungry?" Determined to not let her over active nerves get the better of her. "I could eat," he replied. She glanced over at him quickly, then asked, "burgers or pizza?"  
>"Burgers." He answered after a moment, Mac hazard another glance in his direction, "does that work for you?" He asked. She smiled, "that would have been my choice."<p>

A few minutes later they pulled into a small burger joint in a backwoods Louisiana town, Mac watched him waiting for his reaction, barely able to contain her laughter, he looked slightly nonplussed. Toll looked around at the people setting outside at tables eating and said, "I really see now, why your brother doesn't want you out here alone." Taking in the ruff element. She busted up laughing, "right, my thoughts exactly. All that's missing is the kid with banjo. Don't worry honey I'll protect your virtue." Toll looked at her a moment, surprised by her Deliverance reference, but she was right. He tried to look serious, but it didn't work. "Your bad." He said chuckling.

Barney reached out and grabbed his beer, then glanced over a Tool. The others had just left Tools, after a moment he asked, "has anyone heard from Road today?" Tool shook his head, "I don't know, I haven't." Barney already knew where he was, the same place he always was lately he bet. Tool watched him a moment thoughtfully, then said, "he's probably with Mac." Barney nodded, "that's what bothers me." Tool looked at him confused and asked "why?" After a lengthy pause he said, "I saw her out with another guy, last Saturday after Toll dropped her off." Tool nodded and after a moment asked, "where?"  
>"The Roadhouse. There she was on the dance floor hanging all over someone else."<br>"Are you sure it's what you thought."  
>"The girls a flirt."<br>"What are you going to do?" Tool asked, waiting for a reply.  
>"I don't know, he says their just friends but he doesn't act like that's what he's got on his mind." After a lengthy pause Tool said, "well brother, I think you should leave it be."<br>"And let her fuck him up."  
>"Did it ever occur to you she might like him. I wasn't at the Roadhouse but I've seen them together, she's interested." When Barney didn't say anything Tool continued, "what does it hurt anyway, a little female attention might do him some good. I'd stay out of it. I doubt Road would appreciate it if you got involved."<p>

Mac left the bathroom and made her way back across the restaurant, he had a bevy of admirers setting at a table, close by. She smiled slightly, she bet he wasn't aware of his growing fan club. The newest member being the chubby little middle-aged waitress that was presently, delivering their drinks. She was smiling brightly at him and batting her eye lashes, looking at him appreciatively and he didn't even seem to notice. Just politely excepted his drink and smiled. She liked that about him, the fact that he was seemingly unaware of his own appeal, or the female attention he got. It was defiantly a change from most of the men she knew. She set down at the table, a faint smile on her face, she settled in and then met his gaze.

They walked out of restaurant about forty minutes later, he'd insisted on paying the bill this time, telling their waitress to ignore the cash Mac tried to hand her. Mac surprised him when she asked, "will you drive?" Toll looked at her surprised and said, "if your brother wouldn't mind me driving his truck, sure." Mac smiled, "he wouldn't care and I'm tired." She tossed him the keys and waited for him to unlock the doors, then got in. He asked as he was backing out, "where's your car anyway?"

" The shop.." She said glancing over at him, as he started driving off.

"You just got it back."

"Ya I know, it's a lemon, last time it need tranny work, this time the heads were bad."

Toll looked at her surprised, Subaru's were generally decent cars, "you have bad luck."

"Tell me about it, I've had that car two years, it's been in the shop eight times. So I'm thinking it's time to get rid of it, and I think Liam's getting sick of me borrowing his truck." The last she said with a laugh. Toll glanced over at her, she was looking out the window, "if you need a ride or anything let me know."

She looked over at him and smiled faintly, a warm feeling settling in the pit of her stomach, here he was being a gentleman again. "you aren't the most reliable transportation, you're never around."

He looked back over at her meeting her gaze for a moment, his eyes drifting to her lips, then looking back at the road, "oh, I think I might be around awhile this time." Barney had told them yesterday they weren't excepting any jobs for two maybe three weeks, he'd decided they all needed some downtime. Mac looked out the window to hide the huge smile that appeared on her face, that news making her happy indeed.

For some reason Toll wanted to know if the news he might be around awhile, made her happy, but she'd looked out the window.

He realized she'd fallen asleep a few minutes later, he reached out and shut off the ac on her side of the truck, not wanting her to wake up freezing. Then reached in back and grabbed her hoodie and laid it over her shoulder and chest as best he could with one arm while driving. A faint smile on his lips he watched her a moment, he felt himself slip a little further.

Mac woke up when the truck shut off, she opened her eyes and looked around, she looked over at him, her cheeks turning red. "I'm so sorry Toll," her voice incredulous. He smiled faintly, "it's alright, you said you were tired." He said as he opened the truck door and got out. Mac did likewise, then asked, "did I drool on the window?" Laughter in her voice, he walked around to her side of the truck his backpack in hand, "nope, but you were catching flies," he said amusement in his eyes. She looked away embarrassed, "that must have been cute," her voice full of laughter. He chuckled, "don't worry about it."

Mac looked down at the sweatshirt in her hand, then looked up at him and said, "you covered me up." Her eyes running over his face, he held her gaze a moment, his face turning slightly red. " ya," he said, "I didn't want you to get cold." Macs gaze dropped away from his, when her gaze slowly came back to his, her cheeks looked flushed, she had that soft look in her eyes. "Thank you, and thanks," she began looking away, then her eyes came back to his, "for spending the day with me, Garret." Her voice barely more than a whisper, she quickly looked away. The look in his eyes unsettling.

Toll stared down at her up turned face, his heart beat speeding up when her eyes came back to him, her cheeks flushed, her beautiful eyes filled with that soft look and then she'd whispered his real name, god help him he wanted to kiss her.


	13. Chapter 12

And, he seriously thought about it, she was so adorable, standing there looking up at him. All sleep ruffled, her cheeks flushed and slightly puffy, that soft look on her face and in her eyes. But he also knew she wouldn't welcome it, they were friends. His eyes settled on her lips. It took a will of iron to pull himself out of that snare, he turned his head taking a deep breath.

Mac looked up at him, her breath quickening, the intense look in his eyes she'd never seen before, she felt a shiver run over her skin. She couldn't look away, something about the look he'd given her, keeping her rooted to the spot. He held her gaze a moment more, his eyes drifted down settling on her lips, then he looked away.

Mac took a shaky breath, and gave herself a mental shake, holy shit, and what was that, were the only two thoughts she could form! Her eyes drifting to the ground.

One covert glance told him, she knew something had just passed between them. She looked even more flushed, her wide-eyed gaze focused on the ground, she looked confused? Maybe, he wasn't sure. "I'm gonna go." He said, his voice sounding gravelly. Mac gaze quickly travelled to his, then moved away as quickly as it came. "Alright." She said, sounding anxious. She turned not waiting for a reply and started walking toward the house. She heard his voice the texture low and gruff, "Kamron" the sound giving her chills. She nearly ignored it, pretended she didn't hear it but she stopped and turned around. He was closer to her then she realized, she didn't meet his gaze, instead focused on his stubble covered jaw. She vaguely registered, he was handing her something, "keys."He said wanting her to look at him, he got what he wanted but only for a second, then her gaze travelled back to his outstretched hand. The feel of his long fingers brushing hers, made her already frazzled nerves go more crazy. She snatched her hand back and turned hurrying toward the house, she glanced back when she reached the door but he was gone.

Toll unlocked his door thinking about her scurrying off toward the house, he'd thought for a moment she'd felt it also. The way she'd looked at him, he hadn't realized till now how much he wanted her to see him as more than a friend, he wanted her to see him as a man. He wanted her to want him, to feel the same things he felt but he knew she never would. The way she looked at him just now, someone needed to tell her not to look at a man like that. What the fuck is wrong with you? He said to himself, she's you're friend, besides she'd never want you that way.

Mac closed her door, then leaned her back against it, closing her eyes tightly. Holy hell, her mind screamed, what was that? A faint blush stained her cheeks as she got a flash of him staring down at her. He'd..no... He'd looked like a man... no... Yes, yes, he did, he looked like... The thought made her shiver.

Yet again after spending the better part of a day with him, she was out of here. She stayed home long enough to change into cut off shorts and a blue and grey affliction tank top, she grabbed a pair of sandals, and loaded Goose in Liam's truck. As she backed out of her driveway, she thought, where's Jake when I need him.

Toll shook off his thoughts and decided to concentrate on something besides her. He needed to move his gun safe and ammo locker, into another room of the house, he pulled out his phone and texted Caesar, he was going to need help. Then walked across the living-room and down the hall, opening the door to room where he kept his gear. He suddenly saw her setting in the middle of that clearing, listing off the reasons Detroit would be a cool place to grow up, it caused a faint smile to tug at his lips, he was in trouble and he knew it.

Twenty minutes later Hale showed up, Toll had managed to get a six-foot section of stainless steel shelving cleaned off and out-of-the-way, so they could fit the locker and safe through the door. Hale just walked inside, not bothering to knock, that could be life threatening for men off their profession but Toll knew it was him before Hale hollered, "where are you?" He'd heard his bike pull up.  
>"Back here." He answered, moving some stuff into the other room. He walked back out the door to see his large friend standing there. Hale grinned at him and asked, "its kind of late to start this project isn't it." Toll knew it was late but the other option was setting here agonizing over her, in his opinion this would be the better choice.<p>

Mac walked into Liam's telling herself nothing had just happened, and literally nothing had! Determined to beat her own imagination, she told herself, he was a friend. Funny how that word didn't have the effect on her nerves she'd hoped, especially when she thought about how he'd looked at her, the thought make her body feel warm all over. That thought coupled with the fact he'd done a ridiculously sweet thing, by covering her up when she fell asleep and she couldn't even think straight.

Toll and Hale moved his gun safe, on rollers across the room and down the hall. He was glad Caesar had been around, he could have moved the 1000 pound safe on his own the same way but it would have sucked. Hale hadn't questioned him once about his whereabouts today, which Toll found slightly surprising, he knew he'd get there eventually though.

Hale was presently moving one of the rollers to the front of the safe, that Toll was pushing when he finally asked, "so where's your girl this afternoon?" And there it was Toll thought, he met his eyes over the top of the safe, his question poking at Tolls insecurity. "Shes not my girl" he stated flatly. Hale gave him an amused look, "ok, I'll believe that, but only because your to chicken shit to ask her." The safe had just slid off another roller, which Hale was to busy being amused with himself to notice. Toll said sarcastically, "hey genius, you need to come grab this roller." Hale gave him an amused look, as he walked toward him. Toll pushed the piece of PVC pipe they were using as a roller toward him with his foot, Hale bent down to pick it, when he stood back up he said, "alright, change the subject, but it doesn't change the fact you're a chicken."

They made it clear into the room with the safe, before Hale started in again, "so you were with her most of the day." It might have sounded like a question, but it wasn't a question, Toll had no desire to confirm or deny Hale's words, so instead he asked. "Since when did, where I am or am not, become so important?" Hale laughed at the tone of his voice, then replied "since you started disappearing for hours at a time." Not matter how uncomfortable he might be talking about her at the moment, he still found Hale's present demeanor funny. "Holy shit! Gunnar's right, you do act like a women." He said laughing. Hale tried to look offended but failed his eyes full of amusement. Toll continued with a chuckle, "well I guess everyone's gotta be right once and awhile, even Gunnar." Then asked "so what are you doing with your downtime?"  
>"Finding myself a pretty little señorita and relaxing." Hale replied.<p>

Mac set at the dining room table holding Charlotte, or "Charlie" as she'd been dubbed. Watching Beth across the table, Liam was helping a friend fix his truck this afternoon. Apparently his friend Eric's truck broke down and he need a rescue so when Mac had arrived, Beth had been happy to see her. She'd been trying to pay bills and hold the baby. Beth said, "I'm so glad you stopped by." Mac glanced down at Charlie who was presently sleeping and smiled. "Me too." She said, her gaze coming back to Beth, who was filling out a check, Beth asked her, "what have you been up to today?" Macs felt her cheeks reddened slightly, she looked down at Charlie, "I went out to Tess's dad property." She answered truthfully, her eyes coming back to Beth, who was giving her a skeptical look, "tell me you didn't go out there alone?" She answered "No, I didn't." Beth gave her an expectant look waiting for her Mac to tell her more, Mac just smiled knowing what Beth wanted but said "the deer are plentiful."

Toll ran the next morning after a sleepless night, of tossing and turning, he done pretty well not thinking about her until he gone to bed. Even though when he and Hale had showed up at the bar last night, Gunnar had told Amber when she'd started hitting on him, "your barking up the wrong tree, sweets, he's taken. I guess that means your stuck with me."

But a lot later at night, once he'd gone to bed, found himself wondering what her reaction would have been if he'd done it. Just bent down and brushed his lips against hers, he'd thought about every possible reaction. The one ending in a slap, the one ending up with her in his arms, the one ending with her breathless, and the one ending in bed. When he got to that one, he realized how pathetic this whole thing was. But it still didn't stop him from wondering how she tasted and what her lips would feel like moving against his. Friends... He was starting to hate that word.

Confused. That would be the word to describe Macs present state. She felt certain she could come up with a few other choice words also. Words were something she had used often in life, like most people she labeled and talked about things. So her current label for herself would be confused.

Despite her best effort, that look he gave her yesterday, she found burned into her brain. She'd spent yet another sleepless night, thinking about him and the other Label that weighed heavy on her mind, friend. She could tell herself he was in the friend zone all she wanted but it just confused her more. And frankly confused wasn't something she could be today, she had a stack of papers on her desk and her books, all of which needed her attention. She'd stayed home today to do specifically that; no more thinking about Toll.

Toll didn't see her on his run this morning, he'd been hoping that he would. He knew how incredibly stupid it was but he couldn't help it. The more time he spent around her, the more he wanted to spend time with her. Again, he thought back to yesterday, oddly enough it wasn't his desire to kiss her, or that look she'd given him, it was the entire day, or at least the part he'd spent with her.

It never went good when she got behind on her books, and she had managed to get a full month behind, she usually avoided it at all costs. Quick books really wasn't quick at least in her opinion, actually it wasn't bad. She just hated setting still, and concentrating wasn't easy, her mind kept drifting back to him.

Toll found himself sitting in an over stuffed chair in his therapists office, just talking, while she made notes. "Why don't we talk about this Mac you mentioned?" Dr. Morgan asked, the question surprising him, he didn't realize he'd mentioned her. He abruptly met her eyes, slightly embarrassed. He had no idea what to say, Dr. Morgan just watched him patiently. "She's my new neighbor" he answered. He watched Dr. Morgan write something down, probably that Mac was a girl. Her eyes came back to him, Toll knew what she wanted, so he took a deep breath and continued.

Toll walked out of his psychiatrists office feeling good, it had been a while a long while since he'd been here. Dr. Morgan had been great as always, he'd talked about Mac, he hadn't intended to but he hadn't been able to help it, once she'd asked. He didn't talk about his attraction to her, just about her. She knew his propensity to avoid people and situations, so she advised him not to avoid the girl and that he needed to remember valuing himself as a person and a man was most important and that he should not shut himself off from her. She asked if he felt they had a friendship? He'd been surprised when he found he could answer yes and so had doctor Morgan. She encouraged him to forge ahead in their friendship, certain it would do him good. She had also told him he had made great progress and she as always suggested he make a values list. He hadn't felt the need to do that for a longtime.

He hadn't however told Dr. Morgan that he'd spent half the night fantasizing about kissing her, and all the ways she could have responded, all of them scary on one level or another. From there he went to the library; his confidence bolstered, he found his good mood stuck with him.

It was two days before Mac saw him again, two confusing days, but she was still happy when she saw him. She watched him he hadn't seen her yet, running toward her with his head down. She stopped and waited for him, a smile tugging at her lips, he looked up meeting her gaze. Mac felt her stomach flutter, she chose not to question the strange feeling settling over her, she'd wanted to see him for two days.

Toll looked up and saw her standing their, an almost smile on her lips, his chest instantly tightened. He'd been waiting for this moment, anticipating it and dreading it. He had wanted to see her, he'd been afraid of how she'd react, she nearly ran from him two days ago, He reminded himself.

He watched her smile broaden and felt an answering one, of his own sneak across his face.

He stopped running and walked the last few feet, Mac held his gaze, he came to a stop in front of her, looking down at her. Mac once again felt tiny, her eyes travelled over his face, "good morning Garrett."

He stopped walking and held her gaze a moment, smiling down at her. Then she said his name, her voice coming out breathy, her smile changing, turning almost sweet. The pressure in his chest grew, and his pulse sped up, Toll held her eyes a moment more, "good morning Kamron" he said.

Mac noted the deeper than normal timber of his voice, the sound making a chill slither over her skin and making her feel warm, a slight blush spread across her cheeks. "What have you been up to?" She asked.

He felt a smile tug at his lips, easy, he had to remind himself. The look on her face reminding him of a recent sleepless night he'd spent. He really didn't know how to answer, so he said "not much." Not wanting to tell her he'd spent an hour yesterday with his shrink. Her eyes slid to his lips, for a moment her blush deepened slightly. He folded his arms over his chest, then asked "what about you?"

Macs eyes slid to his mouth, instantly thinking... She swallowed redirecting her thoughts. She felt her blush deepen, she pulled her eyes back to his when he asked "what about you?" A smile tugging at her lips once again, she answered "I spent six hours on quick books on Monday and yesterday I picked up my car."

Mac walked into her house thinking about how he always answered questions short and sweet. A man of few words, her reminded her of that old rhyme. A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds. He certainly wasn't a man of words and as much as it had made her uncomfortable in the past, she found she liked it. Most people talked a good game but when push came to shove that's all they did. He was different, his action spoke about the kind of man he was. Attentive, gentlemanly, sweet, all of that aside there was something more, and that something that was the real problem, it made her... She didn't know how to put it, she just knew, the man himself was where the real danger lay. It's what made her attraction continue to grow.

She was in the shower when the phone rang, she reached up and turned the shower head toward the wall, then leaned out of the shower and grabbed her phone off the sink. Liam the screen said, she swiped the screen.

"No," She answered a smile in her voice.

"Yes." He replied laughter in his voice. She laughed and asked her voice laced with mock irritation, "what do you want?"

Liam said his voice full of amusement, "fine then, never mind."

Mac laughed, "what's up brother? I'm actually in the shower."

He laughed again, "so how was the deer population?"

Mac smiled thinking about Toll for a moment then answered, "well I didn't see any deer but I saw plenty of sign, their defiantly around."

"Good, we are leaving tomorrow night." They didn't usually do opening weekend, this was odd. "Um, ok." She said

"Does that work?" He asked.

"I guess but I'll call you later, I'm gonna finish my shower now."

"Who'd you take out there with you anyway?" Liam asked ignoring her words, "Beth said you'd gone and that you didn't go alone." Mac remained quiet and Liam said, "ha, I knew it."

"Shut up!" She said and hung up on him.


	14. Chapter 13

**Turn the quiet up, turn the noise down**  
><strong>Let this ol' world just spin around<strong>  
><strong>I wanna feel it swing, wanna feel it sway<strong>  
><strong>And put some feel good in my soul<strong>  
><strong>Drink a little drink, smoke a little smoke<strong>

**Want a little more right, and a little less left**  
><strong>Little more right now, a little less what's next<strong>  
><strong>Act like tomorrow's ten years away<strong>  
><strong>And just kick back and let the feelin' flow<strong>  
><strong>Drink a little drink, smoke a little smoke- Eric Church<strong>

* * *

><p>Mac got out of the shower chewing on her bottom lip, the thought had entered her head as soon as she'd gotten off the phone with Liam. But asking him to keep her keys while she was away, in case of an emergency seemed a little thin. She just wanted him to know where she was, and she wanted to see him. They'd be gone until Sunday night, and... Oh shut up, she told herself! It would be perfectly rational to want someone to have keys to her house, anything could happen and he would be the more practical choice, he lived near by, unlike Beth or Tess who both lived across town. She ignored that voice that questioned, "friends huh?" Having made up her mind, she proceeded to get ready for work.<p>

Mac pulled into her yard after work noticing there were a bunch of bikes at his house. She hadn't allowed herself to think about her rash decision of this morning, but the thought of going and finding him with the guys there felt slightly daunting. She waved when Hale stepped out of Tolls garage, he waved back. She really wasn't surprised when he came walking up her driveway as she got out of her car, this would be the third time he'd come visiting. But she didn't mind she found she liked him, he was odd and amusing and he could also be rather charming if he wanted. "Hello!" He said looking like he was up to something as usual, she gave him a big smile and asked "what's up?"

"Thought I'd come over here, the scenery is way better." She laughed at his cheesy line, and asked "does that line ever work?"

"They all work," he informed her laughing. She watched him for a moment then laughed herself and said, "I'm going inside." She wasn't surprised yet again when he fell into step beside her. She just smiled at him, after they got inside he asked, "what do you think five or ten?" She gave him a confused look, smiling at his mischievous expression, and asked "five or ten what?" He laughed and answered "minutes before Toll Road walks through that door?" Her cheeks turned a little pink she knew but she met his gaze head on and said "I don't know what you're talking about."  
>"Ya, you do!." His said his voice sounding amused and slightly accusing. Mac felt her cheeks flame, for no reason besides the look on his face and the way he said it. She shook her head, laughed and headed for the kitchen saying, "I am certain I do not know what you're implying." Hale gave a loud laugh as he followed her into the kitchen, "I'm going to say he'll be here in less than ten." Mac ignored him and watched across the kitchen, opening up the fridge, grabbing a water. She asked "do you want a one?"<p>

About fifteen minutes later there was a knock on Macs front door, she and Hale were setting at the island talking, Hale said, "told you so." Mac got up and rolled her eyes smiling she said, "you said less than ten minutes and you don't even know it's him." Hale gave her a skeptical look as she stood, Mac felt herself blush and said in defense, "I have other friends." Hale laughed, "I'm sure you do but I bet you ten bucks it's him." Mac rolled her eyes and laughed. She turned and walked out of the room, she knew Hale was right, it was him.

Toll stepped into the garage and looked around, Hale wasn't there, he didn't need to have anyone tell him to know where he'd gone, Macs. He also knew he didn't have to go after him, Hale could go say hi if he wanted but the idea of his friend with her bothered him. He worried afraid what he might say, and how she'd take it. He could see Hale telling her all about what he thought he felt, which wasn't that far from being right so he followed apprehension twisting his gut.

Mac opened the door, and looked up at him, Hale instantly laughed and said "you owe me ten bucks!" Mac ignored Hale and smiled at Toll.

Tolls gaze shot past Mac to where Hale stood, his amusement with himself obvious. Toll instantly felt his ears redden, acute embarrassment setting in, he knew the 'you owe me ten bucks' statement somehow pertained to him.

Macs gaze turned to Hale, she gave him a dirty look, and he just laughed then said, "I think I'm wearing out my welcome." Mac arched her eyebrow at him, then turned her head her attention coming back to Toll, a faint smile tugged at her lips when she saw his embarrassed expression his gaze fixed on Hale.

She said "hey, I was going to come find you." Tolls gaze came back to her, the red slowly fading. Her gaze went back to Hale, she gave him an expectant look, his wolfish grin broadened and he said "well I guess I'll be going."

Toll watched Mac; wishing he knew what the ten bucks comment was about. He really wished Caesar didn't find all this so funny, that he'd just be more like the rest of the guys and leave it be.

Macs bright gaze came back to him, after Hale walked out. Her gaze traveled over his face, she smiled at him faintly, his face wasn't nearly as red as it had been but she could tell he felt embarrassed. Something told her if she didn't speak soon he'd leave, her quiet friend didn't do well with embarrassment. She'd like to strangle Hale, she knew he didn't really mean anything by it, he just liked irritating his friend but it still annoyed her.

She held his gaze for a moment trying to put him at ease, a smile spreading across her full lips, she began "I'm going out-of-town," her eyes traveling over his face then coming back to his eyes. "For four days, would you keep an eye on the place for me?"

Toll stood there looking at her, her smile as always putting him at ease, her eyes traveling over his face. He heard her question, it made him want to know where she was going and as stupid as it sounded happy because she asked him to watch her home. He nodded and answered with a slight smile, "I could do that."

Mac felt herself flush slightly, why did this always happen, she'd just asked him a simple question and the look her gave her and his chosen answer made her feel strange. Her eyes dropped from his gaze a moment then she said, "I could give you my number and maybe," her eyes slowly came back to his "my keys." His slight smile turned into a full on grin.

Toll left Macs and walked back to his house a grin on his face, she just had that effect on him. Even though he had to constantly remind himself, she only wanted his friendship, he stepped into his garage and found himself being greeted by Hale. "What she want to talk to you about?" his voice heavy with amusement and implication, Toll just stared at his friend, where he set on his bike, after a moment he replied his voice flat, "none of your business." He didn't feel the need to explain yet again and Hale laughed.

Barney stood leaning against the work bench by Lee, drinking a beer, he watched Toll a moment, again his misgivings about that girl coming to mind, Tool thought he should stay out of it and he'd decided to for now. He hoped for Roads sake he was wrong and what he'd seen wasn't what he'd thought.

* * *

><p>They had left camp at first light, heading north. Mac focused on the area around her, settling into the zone. She knew if she wanted any hope of seeing any deer, she needed to break off from the group she travelled with. That included Tess, she knew why she'd come along she had a budding romance going on with Kyle but the girl wasn't a hunter, she made more noise than a bear. So Mac fell back letting the others pass her, and headed east. She meandered down a trail till she came to the clearing she'd brought Toll to, she climbed a well hidden ladder up a tree, she set down and waited. She set there close to an hour when she first heard it, she stood slowly and grabbed an arrow, stringing it. And waited until she saw antlers above the brush, she brought her bow up. He wasn't huge but respectable and about 50 yards away, she waited until he cleared the bushes, she pulled her arrow back, anchoring her hand, sighted in and released the arrow on her exhale, goose bumps rose on her arms. But the second she let her arrow fly, the buck swung around and ran back into the woods. Liam emerged from the bushes close by, laughing and said, "you aren't getting first kill." He purposefully startled her deer!<p>

Mac cocked her eyebrow at him even though she knew he could see her, and said "you're an asshole." To that he just laughed so it became a game all day, and chastised her for cussing. from there the fun began, they hunted each other not the animals. By the time they finished messing around the others weren't hunting, and they were not impressed either. She wasn't the only one to get screwed out of a deer, Bryant also lost one. What these guys didn't get is this became a competition between Mac and Liam, it wasn't the first time one or the other had done something like this. It was all about first kill.

Long after the others left them and headed back to camp and they'd managed to scare every deer off within thirty miles they headed back to camp. They found themselves greeted by some rather unimpressed people. So that afternoon when the others went out she stayed at camp, along with Tess, it was nice she hadn't spent much time with Tess lately.

That night they decided to go get some burgers and play a little pool. Mac sat at the table watching her brother get trounced at pool by Kyle, she had tried several times to play through the years but she sucked, so she just set at a table drinking a beer and watching.

She laughed at Liam's indignant expression as he walked over and took a seat beside her, he'd just lost, he reached out and grabbed her beer taking a drink. "So little sister what's new? I haven't seen you much lately."  
>"Nothing." She answered. He watched her a moment then asked, "So why don't you tell me who you were out here with?" His eyes twinkling, he had an idea of who it was but couldn't help but tease her.<br>"Why do you need me to tell you, when you already know?" She asked her cheeks slightly red.  
>"You like him huh?" Mac didn't say anything for a moment, then she looked at him. suddenly wanting to admit it, she nodded her head and said "yes." Liam looked at her shocked, he couldn't believe she'd admitted it, he asked "well that's good right?" Mac took a deep breath and looked away, watching Kyle and Tess play pool. "I don't know," she answered and shook of her head.<br>"Why don't you know?" Mac shrugged still not meeting his gaze. "I just don't know" she began then after a short pause she continued. "He just so different... He's quiet and... I never know what he's thinking and he's... God I wish Jake was here." Liam snorted, thinking that's the last thing you need. "No you don't" Liam began, holding her gaze a moment he continued. "If you really like this guy Jake wouldn't be a wise choice to have around."

Mac stared at him a moment, curious over why he'd say that about her friend, "Why?" She asked.  
>Liam was quiet a moment like he was trying to choose his words carefully, then began "let's just say, you guys friendship could be a bit intimidating." Mac gave him a funny look but before she could speak Liam continued, "how much do you like him Mac?" noting her flushed cheeks and the fact she'd started fidgeting.<br>"A lot." Liam watched her closely and nodded then asked, "does he feel the same?"  
>"I don't know, I mean I think so." Frustrated she said, "we're friends." Mac looked away, her gaze slowly coming back to her brother. Liam gave her an understanding smile, he asked, "so is the friend thing an unspoken understanding or have you talked about it?" Mac bit her lip and looked away again, then answered "we've talked about it."<br>"Who did that?"  
>"Me." She answered truthfully, her cheeks flushing more. Liam smiled faintly, thinking me might understand what was going on, he said "well Mac to quote our father, the word friend can cover all manner of sin." Macs gaze shot to Liam, she nodded her head Twice. That's what her father used to say about her relationship with Jake, he'd never been big on their <em>friendship<em> as he liked to put it. Liam had defiantly given her something to think about, but she'd been so tired when she laid down that night she fell quickly to sleep, the activities of the day left her exhausted.

Gunnar set in his chair at The Old Point bar, they were all there as usual, he found himself watching Amber, something he did often, the stupid girl couldn't seem to get it through her head Road wanted nothing to do with her. Not that she had ever really stood a chance but certainly not now that Road had that pretty little green-eyed neighbor, she'd behaved differently since he'd announced Toll wasn't available, she didn't stop by their table as much. He could have told her in the beginning, going home with him that first night wasn't going to get her into Tolls bed. If anything it diminished her already meager chance to nothing, Toll thought to much of himself to ever lower himself to her level. She walked to their table to serve their next round, Gunnar tried to catch her eye but she wouldn't look at him. The stupid girl was busy watching Toll as usual, he found himself wondering if Toll would ever get the courage to ask out that girl, probably not he surmised, he doubted he'd have the first idea what to do with her even if he.

Mac awoke early everyone else still slept, that without a doubt had a lot to do with the large amount of alcohol they consumed last night, she dressed quickly and left camp, she wanted that buck. When she reached her destination she climbed into the tree stand setting down and quietly opened her water. She pulled her phone out of her sweatshirt pocket and looked down at the screen six thirty was the time. She found herself wondering if he was running.

As she set their another thought occurred to her, she knew Liam was right about her relationship with Jake as much as she didn't want to admit it. She'd always used him as cover and protection, if she ever needed anything he came running. She'd used him to hide behind many times, she even used her relationship with him to get men to break up with her in the past. The thought making her feel sick to her stomach, Liam had made her question her own behavior, for the first time in her life she could see maybe she hadn't always been as innocent as she'd like to think. Jake was her fall back guy, the one that in the past picked up the pieces and her if need be and put it all back together. It also brought about another revelation, she found herself wondering for the first time how people perceived their friendship, she'd never cared what people thought and her fathers condemnation over their friendship had only caused her to have less regard for it. But somehow hearing those same words from Liam made it seem real. And he was right about another thing, if she wanted something with her quiet neighbor, Jake wouldn't help the situation, she still didn't know if she was ready but she had admitted to Liam and herself she liked him..

At that moment she heard it, the noise in the bushes, it drug her from her thoughts about Toll, she stood drawing her arrow, she strung it, and waited. This time when he entered the clearing and she released she got the goose bumps followed by the chills, because this time she didn't miss.

Toll decided yesterday he needed to do something with at least part of his downtime, he didn't get the opportunity much these days. Theyd been going out so regularly for months now it had become hard to have time to do anything. He'd managed to get most of the stuff done around the house he wanted done, like the safes moved and a few other mundane chores but he still had a week, maybe two depending on what Barney decided and he didn't plan on setting. Setting was proving very bad for him, the inactivity ment he had more time to think and that ment Mac. She'd given him her cell number, incase anything happened and he needed to get ahold of her, so he'd agonized over texting her this morning. He wanted to know what she was doing, he knew _what_ she was doing but he wanted to know _what_ she was doing, his thoughts only confusing him. If it was anyone else he considered a friend he'd just text them and think nothing of it but the problem was he didn't just think friendly thoughts about her. He'd never been confronted with this kind of situation. He wondered if it were any of the other guys what they would do, Hale he knew would just text her but he wouldn't find himself in this situation. Neither would Lee, he would have told the girl a longtime ago what he wanted. Gunnar and the women he chose, there was very little guessing they knew what he wanted. Yang he wasn't sure about or for that matter Barney either. Tool, had different women frequently, and the kid well he was young and he'd probably would stumble through it. Out of all of them Billy was the only one he could see having a female he called just friend. Toll shook his head, slightly disgusted with himself and his school boy problems, he was a fifty year old man, he shouldn't agonize over this. He questioned if he should take his therapists advice, forging a friendship with Mac would only lead to heartache. He gave an exasperated sigh, and concentrated on figuring out what he wanted to do with his time off.

It didn't take him long to decided one plan sound better than the rest, rock climbing. He hadn't done it for the sheer enjoyment of it in a longtime, it was another of those things that he used to get a lot of pleasure out of. He momentarily thought about calling Caesar and seeing if he wanted to tag along then changed his mind, he could use the peace and quiet of being on his own for this one. He called and made reservation at a the Donahue Lodge in Tennessee, it was where he normally stayed when he went to the Smokies to climb. He booked his room for next Thursday, he felt excited it would be nice to get away. With that done, he got up he needed to get ready to go to Tools, everyone one would be there, they were doing some sparing today.

Mac left leaving the others behind, they were going to hunt for a while longer then pack up camp and come home. Liam had spit and sputtered when she got him on the radio and told him she'd got a deer. He'd been even more indignant when he'd entered the clearing on the four-wheel drive quad to help her bring back the deer, really her kill had been modest not weighing much, but it was just the thought he'd been out manned by his sister. Mac found it all rather amusing, making sure to rub it in. When Liam had taken the traditional picture of her with her Buck, she'd thought momentarily about sending it to Toll, then stopped herself. She still couldn't believe she done the lets face it absurd thing of asking him to keep her keys, ha, that wasn't one of her smoothest moves ever. Her cheeks flamed bright red, at her own need to set up their next meeting before hand, she wondered if he'd noticed. Some men would instantly have seen it for what it was a ploy but she doubted Toll would. She knew one thing she needed to figure this situation out and fast. Neal's behavior and all her reasons for not wanting a man in her life where becoming vague memories, and the word friend had began to spread a little thin. She wondered what Liam would think if he knew she had given Toll her keys before she left, actually she knew what he'd think he see right through it all, he already had.

It took Mac till almost four to finally get home, she had to drop her deer off at the Meat Market and then she went and picked up Beth, Charlotte and Goose who'd stayed there while she was gone and so Beth could drop her off. She'd ended up visiting with Beth and the baby for a longtime. She probably should call him she kept thinking, just to see if he was around, he after all had her keys but if he wasn't she could get in through one of the basement windows she was sure. That and the thought of talking to him at the moment made her very anxious, she tried to shove the thought aside.

Toll pulled in his driveway and got out then walked to the house, he'd been at Tools sparing with Yang, the little man had worked him over but in defense his head just wasn't in the game today or he could tell himself that, he thought, with a chuckle. Rubbing his chest where Yang had kicked him in the sternum, ya it was defiantly going to leave a bruise he thought as he touched it. After that kick, he'd snapped out of it and took the sparing seriously, it had got his blood pumping and his mind focused.

The last few hours were entertaining, watching Barney and Gunnar box was the highlight of the morning, both had taken a serious beating at the others hands. Bruised and bloody they called it quits after thirty minutes, neither really being able to out maneuver the other. Barney had laughed and almost smiled blood dripping from his split lip, and shook Gunnar's hand, who'd been equally entertained and bloodied.

Toll walked into the bathroom after he entered the house, walking to the shower he reached in turning on the water, then walked back to the sinks, he removed his t-shirt. And looked in the mirror, he rested his hands on the counter, leaning closer inspecting his face, then stood back and looked at his chest, it had already started to bruise. His hands left the counter and went to the waist band of his shorts pushing them down and kicking off his shoes at the same time, his sox quickly followed. He looked at himself in the mirror again, in nothing but his boxer briefs, looking himself over with a critical eye, he wasn't a confident man by any stretch of the imagination but he knew enough to know his physique was aesthetically pleasing. Layers of thick muscle wrapped his pecks and chest, tapering in at his waist, his abs clearly visible, his arms banded with heavy muscle. He knew physically he didn't look bad for a man his age, even scarred as he was. His physique was born of necessity not vanity, unlike so many men these days. For him it was survival of the fittest. Looking at himself, he found himself wondering if she would find him pleasing.. He stopped himself immediately, knowing it wasn't smart.

* * *

><p>Toll had just gotten dressed after his shower, when his phone went off, a smile tugging at his lips when he looked at the screen, Mac.<p>

Hey I'm home! Mac

Then he heard a knock on the door, knowing instantly it was her. He made an amused noise and playfully responded, Oh really. Toll

Then stepped out of the master bath heading for the living room, his phone went off again. Will you hurry up. Mac

He paused in the doorway to his bedroom, his smile broadening he answered her text, teasing her. What do you need me to hurry up and do? Toll

His text was quickly responded to, DONT BE AN ASS! Mac

He chuckled, standing in the living room doorway, he leaned his shoulder against the door frame a smile on his face, he replied. You should try being nice...Toll

He just waited curios to see what she'd have to say next, it took a moment and another knock on his door this one sounded impatient, then she replied. You dear are going to find out how not nice I am if you don't hurry up...Mac

Hasn't anyone told you patience is a virtue. Toll

He was standing by the front door but as he reached out to open it he got another text. Now! Mac

Seconds after Mac sent her last text she heard him laugh, oh, that big jackass was on the other side of the door. She desperately wanted to shower and he was laughing. He opened the door a second later bracing his left hand on the upper part of the door frame, his large frame filling the doorway, he was grinning laughter in his eyes. "You need to learn patience Mac," he said laughing at her. Mac tried very hard to give him a dirty look but it didn't happen, his amusement making her smile.

Toll stood there looking down at her for a moment, her green eyes flashy up at him, trying hard to look mad. Mac reluctantly smiled up at him, and shook her head slightly, happy to see him, she chose not to question that happiness..

"So?" He asked lowering his arm and folding them both over his chest. Mac mimicked his pose, and gave him a mischievous smile then asked, "so what?" Her eyes traveling over his face then going back to his eyes. His brow furrowed while he looked down at her that grin still in his face, "did you get one?" He asked. Her only response at first was her smile broadening, after a moment she said, "I will tell you all about it after I've showered, I need my keys." He thought for one moment about teasing her some more, but she did look like she could use a shower. So he stepped back and gestured for her to come inside and said, "I'll get them." Mac stepped inside watching his tall body disappear into the hallway, her stomach fluttered as she took in his broad back encased in that t-shirt.

She's back earlier then I expected, Toll thought as he walked down the hall, the fact making him happy, despite his misgivings about their friendship. He bet that if he examined the facts, he'd find he'd missed her this weekend. Even if missing her wasn't a wise thing for him to do.

Mac looked around the living room as she waited for him to reappear with her keys, she'd never paid much attention to this room before but she found it suited him. The decor was minimal, a large over stuffed brown leather sofa, and matching chair and ottoman, two end tables and flat screen on a simple television stand. The hardwood floor stained dark, the walls a medium tan, the wood blinds in the windows kept out most of the light, casting the room in inviting shadows. Alluring like its owner, she found herself wondering if his bedroom was nearly as masculine as this room. The thought bringing a faint blush to her cheeks, she felt herself shiver, the sensation causing her to bite her bottom lip.

Toll stepped back into the living room, a smile on his face till he saw her standing there, her eyes fixed on his couch. Even in the dim light he could see her face looked red, and she bit her bottom lip. She reached up tucking her hair behind her ear, still unaware of his presence, his eyes slid down her over her tight tank top, and jeans, her pants legs tucked into her lace up boots and he felt that familiar feeling of his chest tightening. Her green eyes came to him then quickly moved away, she turned away from him, hiding her face.

Mac caught a movement in her peripheral vision, her gaze moving toward the doorway to the hall, he stood there watching her the look in his eyes intense his brow slightly furrowed, she looked away quickly before he could see the direction her thoughts were going. She felt her face flame, stop she told herself, her hands going to her face. She took a deep breath, searching for something to say, she plastered a bright smile on her face and turned toward him, "yes, I got a deer."

Toll watched her from where he stood, he wanted to go over there grab her shoulder and turn her toward him he wanted to see her eyes. She turned looking at him again, a bright smile on her face she said, "yes, I got a deer." But her smile was to bright, there was a lot he'd give at the moment, to know what she'd been thinking when she'd looked up and seen him standing there. Then he felt a smile tug at his lips, her admission distracting him "really?" He asked. "Ya," she answered with a nod, her smile changing becoming less strained. "How big?" He asked walking toward her, she held his gaze as he came forward, his eyes filled with curiosity and amusement, her eyes drifted to his lips momentarily, then came back to his as she answered, "143 pounds and a six pointer, not even worth killing really."

Mac took a deep breath to steady herself, he stopped in front of her, holding his gaze, Mac felt slightly breathless from the way he looked at her nothing new in itself but somehow it was different this time. Suddenly nervous she blurted out, "I dropped it off at the Meat Market on the way home." She stuck her hand in her pocket pulling out her phone, needing something anything to do besides look at him, "here I have a picture." She found it and handed him the phone, glancing up at him quickly.

Toll watched her, again wishing he knew what she'd been thinking, her bright eyes looked troubled, he watched her pull her phone from her pocket and hand it to him, then her gaze came back to him, she quickly looked away, he looked down at the picture on the screen. "It's respectable." Her gaze came back to him again, her eyes still looked troubled but a faint smile appeared on her lips. "It's the first one I've got in a while, I haven't really gone hunting for a longtime." She said, her gaze had left him again, Toll wanted it back so he asked, "why?" She looked up at him a far off look on her face for a moment, then she answered her voice faint, " I just haven't." Her eyes focused on a point past his shoulder her gaze becoming distant again, her mind momentarily drifting to Neal, he'd never wanted her to go. When her gaze came back to his, her eyes were different like she'd been remembering something unpleasant, she didn't smile, her eyes skimmed over his face, "I'm gonna go take that shower now." She started to walk off, but stopped and looked back at him her eyes holding his, "thanks" she said, Toll held her gaze a moment, then replied "you're welcome." He handed her keys to her, that faint smile he liked to see settling on her face, she turned again and walked toward the door.

Mac paused at the door, she knew he'd followed, after a moment she turned and looked up at him. As always she wasn't ready to leave him just yet.

Toll watched at her, she paused just inside the door, she hadn't turned around she just stood there.


	15. Chapter 14

**Round and around and around and around we go**

**Oh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know.- Rihanna**

* * *

><p>Mac held his gaze a moment, then her eyes left his making a slow trip down his face. She didn't want to leave him and that wasn't anything new, she reminded herself. He always made her feel this way. Her eyes slowly came back to his, she quieted that voice inside her that protested leaving him. A slight smile blooming on her lips, she said "I'll see you soon." She held his gaze, taking two steps back, the smile on her face widening ever so slightly and she turned walking off. She didn't look back, she didn't need to, she knew he watched her, the smile on her face broadened, she would see him soon.<p>

Mac shoved aside the mild confusion in her gut, refusing to think about it, she knew what she needed to do, what she wanted to do. Her conversation with Liam, and the confusion she'd felt before she saw him on her mind. All it had taken was seeing him and she knew she couldn't hide from the possibility any longer.

Toll watched her walk off, his eyes traveling slowly down her body, belatedly closing the door when he realized he'd look like an idiot if she looked back now. She'd given him a look yet again that left him wishing he knew the meaning behind it. He knew he'd be a fool to even wonder, but still he couldn't stop it or help it...

* * *

><p>Toll stepped out of his therapist's office on Monday, feeling good. He wished he could come here regularly, but work made that impossible. He hoped Barney decided they'd take next week off also, he'd kept the appointment he had scheduled for next Monday, just incase his wish came true. He had come close to talking about how Mac made him feel today, but stopped himself, he didn't need Dr. Morgan encouraging him to do something stupid... From there he went to the library same as last week, then met up with the guys.<p>

Mac really hoped that this week didn't turn into a week of Mondays, today was Tuesday and it felt like Monday, everything that could go wrong, seemed to want to go wrong. But that was Murphy's law, what could go wrong, would go wrong and at the worst possible time. One of her ovens went out yesterday, the truffles she'd ordered for the wedding reception this weekend had ended up stuck in customs. The oven, she could work around, she'd just use her home kitchen if she needed to, and seems the repairman said it would take a week to get the part, they'd most defiantly end up using her kitchen. The truffles were another thing entirely, the client a wealthy friend of Mrs. Caffery, had been very specific they had to come from France no North American truffles, it didn't matter that she could get them from a farm outside of Seattle. Mac leaned forward, dropping her head on her desk, she prayed they made it through customs, but unless it happened soon they wouldn't be any good. They needed proper storage and fast or else they'd no longer be considered fresh, she'd end up footing the bill and she'd also have some very unimpressed clients. Her bubbly assistant Anna walked into her office, "what are you doing?" She asked her voice sounding amused. Mac raised her head just enough to look at Anna, and scowled at her, then dropped her head back on the desk, "thinking that by the end of this week I'm going to have an ulcer." Anna laughed and said, "it's all gonna be fine."

As soon as she received the call telling her they'd finished her Deer she decided she was giving some to Toll, it might be an excuse but it meant she'd get to see him. She'd wanted to see him since Sunday, regretting not asking what he had planned for the evening, for some reason he made her second guess herself even more now. When she'd admitted she liked him to Liam she'd changed things and she knew it, but she wouldn't allow herself to ponder exactly how it had changed. Her relationship with Neal no longer seemed as important for one. She knew if she tried to figure it out she'd just end up more confused, so she'd decided to just go with it. Truffles, she reminded herself, she didn't have time to think about him at the moment.

Mac took a deep breath, feeling nervous when she started walking down the street, Hale's and Yang's bikes were there also, only making it worse. She hadn't seen him since Sunday evening and she really wanted to see him, so she took a deep breath and kept walking. She refused to back out now, she wanted this, even if she only saw him for a moment she wanted it.

Mac stood there a minute before they saw her, they stood with their backs to her. Talking among themselves, about what she wasn't certain. She only paid attention to one of them, her eyes traveling down his back, she loved his back and the way his shirt stretched tight across his shoulders. Her eyes traveled lower over his gray cargo pants, he just filled out everything nicely, she thought. She could feel her cheeks growing red, she took a series of deep breath to calm herself and said, "hey."

Toll turned to see her standing there two shoebox sized boxes in her hands, he smiled, surprised to see her, she smiled back walking toward him, her cheeks turning pink. He'd wanted to see her ever since Sunday evening, he'd kept himself up most of the night yet again, she'd looked, well adorable, even thought the word had started to sound redundant to him. When he'd opened the door, that was the only word he could think of, her eyes flashing, he hadn't thought her so adorable when he'd caught her staring at his couch. That look coupled with his own thoughts before gotten in the shower had kept him up.. He brought himself back to the present, it could be bad if he stood there staring at her, thinking...

Mac watched him the look that entered his eyes making her steps falter, it was gone almost as quickly as it had entered but it still made her feel warm, calm down she told herself. "I brought you something." Her eyes drifting to his lips, she quickly moved her gaze back to his.

After he came back to the present, he watched her, she looked.. He didn't know how to describe it, her eyes drifting to his lips, then quickly moved back to his. He started walking toward her, he'd hoped he'd see her before he left even though the thought made him uncertain again. He shook off the feeling and decided to concentrate on the boxes in her hands. A curious smile spreading across his face, she'd brought him something, the thought making him happy. When he reached her, he took the box from her hands, holding her gaze the boxes weighed more than he expected. She smiled up at him, her eyes holding his, she explained "it's just Deer meat." Hale's voice broke into the strange fog that had settled around her. "Deer meat?" He asked, sounding shocked. Mac looked at him momentarily surprised, she'd forgotten he was there, she smiled at him and replied, "yes, I went hunting last weekend."

"No shit." He said still sounding disbelieving. Mac smiled at him then laughed at his shocked expression and incredulous voice, "I told you I needed to lose the beer gut for hunting season." Hale laughed and said, "oh yeah, I forgot. Where'd you go?"

She smiled at him a moment then looked up a Toll, "deliverance." She answered holding Tolls gaze, her eyes twinkling mischievously. Tolls smile broadened into a grin his eyes sparkling, he made an amused noise. Hale and Yang watched them, then looked at each other, Hale said "its gotta be an inside joke." The reference to that day making Macs skin feel warm, and her gaze soften. She looked at Hale after a moment and said, "yup."

Mac watched Hale and Yang walk out the door, they volunteered to go to the store after the asparagus she'd said she wanted. Leaving her alone with Toll, when she'd suggested that they come have dinner with her, it had sounded like a good idea, now that she found herself alone with Toll she wasn't so sure. Despite all the bravado she'd felt since Sunday she felt a bit nervous now. Suddenly feeling shy she stepped past him not meeting his gaze, she walked back to the kitchen pulling a package of deer steak out of the fridge.

She knew he had followed her to the kitchen, but she still wasn't ready when she heard his voice from across the room, "can I help?" He asked. Mac turned slowly and met his gaze.

Toll watched her slowly turn toward him, she looked nervous, her face down turned and flushed, the sight of her making his stomach flip. Her eyes slowly came to his, she smiled hesitantly. Toll watched her a moment, his eyes traveling over her flushed face, then returned that hesitant smile. "You could get me the meat mallet." Toll watched her a moment before he asked, "where do you keep it?" She directed him to the appropriate drawer, watching him as he turned toward the drawer she'd indicated, then busied herself getting the potatoes from the pantry. When she returned from the pantry, he stood by the island watching her, "what next?" He asked, noting how hesitant she still looked, her hesitance making something in him soften. "You can light the grill for me and then prepare the meat if you want." She answered.

Mac watched him out of the corner of her eye while she sliced the potatoes, he was unwrapping the meat, she had told herself to get a grip about twenty times since Hale and Yang left but it wasn't working. She'd thought yesterday that she would be able to control how he affected her now that she'd decided to just relax and let things happen. But she wasn't and unless she got ahold of the nervousness swirling around her she would make a fool of herself. So she asked the first question that came to mind, "what's Hale's real name?"

Toll had been aware of her attention, he'd wished he knew why she seemed so nervous, she'd never acted like this before. She seemed so hesitant and shy, he really hoped he hadn't done something to upset her. Then he heard her voice, "what's Hale's real name?" His gaze came to her, she wasn't looking at him.

"Marcus Hale" he answered, watching her waiting for her eyes to come to him. When they did come a smile accompanied them, she said "that suites him." He just nodded not knowing how to reply, her eyes slid over his face then came back to his eyes, her green eyes curious she asked, "how long have you guys known each other?"

"Somewhere around fifteen years." He answered with a smile.

She found herself smiling at him, his smile making her smile. Some of the tension had left her at that smile, they settled into a lite conversation. "Has he always been so," she paused a moment as if trying to find the word. Toll smiled at her and offered, "retarded?" Mac laughed and nodded her head. She chopped potatoes and he prepared the meat. She finished chopping the potatoes realizing she still hadn't got the pot out of the cabinet by the stove.

Toll looked up when she moved away from the island walking to the cupboard by the stove, he had found he liked her in the kitchen no matter how cliché it sounded. It wasn't because he thought a women belonged in the kitchen it was because she seemed at home, her long hair up in a pony tail, a long wisp of hair hanging against her cheek, a bright purple apron on the color making her green eyes look brighter. She looked adorable and completely at home, all she needed was a smudge of flower on her nose to complete the picture. She didn't look at him just tried to get the big stainless steel pot on the top shelf, the sight of her on tip toe trying to get that pot down, causing a smile to tug at his lips, this is what it's like being normal he thought, that thought caused his chest to tighten.

Mac reached up to grab the pot, she wasn't quite tall enough to easily reach the stuff on the top shelf without a struggle. She turned when she heard his voice, "let me do that." She stepped back and looked up at him, he reached up and grabbed the pot, her eyes focused on the tattoo on the inside of his left arm for a minute, she'd been curious about the crow and skull design and the ink on the inside of his left arm, but had never asked. Her eyes traveled up his body wondering what the one she'd just looked at stood for until she looked at him. The way he looked doing the ordinary task of getting that pot from the cupboard, making her stomach flutter. Her eyes drifted along his profile, he wasn't handsome not really, more masculine than anything, his features rugged, with his crocked nose and strong jaw. His skin looked slightly weathered even clean-shaven as he was today, she wondered if his skin would be smooth under her touch. But it was his sage colored eyes and smile she liked best, smile? Who was she trying to kid it was his mouth in general. She'd developed a habit of wondering how his lips would feel, he picked that moment to look down at her.

Toll looked down at her, and he froze, she was so close, her pretty green eyes holding his. Her lips slightly parted and that wisp of hair hanging against her cheek, he felt the urge to reach out and tuck it behind her ear. Mac held his eyes, he was so close it made her stomach tighten, still thinking about his mouth, her eyes drifted slowly to his lips, a warm liquid feeling had started in her stomach, she wanted.. She swallowed hard, her mind finishing the thought she'd tried to stop. Him, she wanted him. Toll watched her eyes drift to his lips, the look in them changing turning soft, her cheeks growing flushed, he felt his breath falter.

Mac stared at his mouth, unable to stop her mind from imagining his lips against hers, she pulled her gaze from his lips, looking up into his eyes and that was a big mistake, the look in his eyes made her breath catch.

Toll wanted to lean down and kiss her and he was certain at the moment she'd let him, then she looked away, he continued to look down at her still unable to pull his gaze away, surprised by his own reaction to her. She'd never looked at him like that before, his eyes stayed on her wanting her to look at him again. Hale and Yang chose that moment to get back from the grocery store, when they heard the door open Mac took a step back, her gaze coming to him. Her eyes still held that look just fainter, her chest rising and falling fast, her cheeks flushed. She almost looked like she'd been kissed, the sight making him wish he'd done it.

Mac grabbed the pot from his hand and walked to the sink, she turned her attention to the others when they walked into the kitchen, smiling at them brightly as they placed the bags on the island.

Hale's attention went from Macs to bright smile, to Tolls hawk like gaze fixed on her. They'd defiantly interrupted something, but something told him they'd got back a little too soon. To cut the tension in the room, he asked, "where's the cutting board."

Toll walked into the bathroom putting his hands on the counter, leaning forward, he stared at himself in the mirror, he took a deep breath, seeing her looking at him. Calm down he told himself, he couldn't shake the feeling she'd have let him kiss her. It might just have been a caught in the moment thing, but still she'd have let him and he knew it.. He leaned back turning on the water and splashing some in his face, taking a deep breath. He heard her laughter coming from the kitchen, the sound making his body tense, it reminded him not matter how badly he'd come to want her, he couldn't have her.

Toll walked out if the bathroom glad Hale and Yang had gotten back when they did before he'd done something stupid. He knew she might have wanted it at the moment but she'd hate it and him later. She didn't want him, he knew that but it was really hard to remember they were just friends when she looked at him that way. He stepped into the kitchen to see her backing through the screen door onto the deck a tray of vegetables in her hands, she was smiling up at Hale who followed her.

Mac watched him as he stepped onto the deck, Hale had deposited himself in her hammock almost instantly and Yang set at the table. His eyes met hers and Mac instantly felt uncertain she gave him a hesitant smile, she was acutely aware of what had almost happened between them. Now that she no longer had the word friend to hide behind she didn't know how to react to him, when she'd admitted to Liam she liked Toll that word had lost all power over her emotions. Good lord she'd wanted him to kiss her, the idea making her skin tingle, STOP! She yelled at herself, now is not the time for those thoughts... She looked away from him, collecting herself, she instead focused on his reaction when she'd showed up at his house earlier, that bright and curious smile he'd given her when he took those boxes, it made her smile.

Toll walked toward her, noting her hesitant smile and faintly flushed cheeks, her eyes searching his. He let his eyes quickly travel over her, when his gaze came back to hers she wasn't smiling anymore and she looked nervous. Even though he didn't feel like it he gave her a smile, not wanting her to feel uncomfortable. She smiled faintly her cheeks turning pink, she dropped her gaze, when her eyes came back to him, the smile on her face caused him to smile in earnest.

She'd finished preparing dinner by herself, depositing a beer in each of their hands and telling them to stay put, she desperately wanted Toll occupied not helping her. She needed a chance to get her composure back, she couldn't do that with his watchful gaze on her. It shook her knowing how badly she'd wished he'd just done it, bent down and kissed her, she knew she wouldn't have protested. Shaking off the unhelpful thoughts filling her head, she concentrated on finishing dinner preparations.

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><p>They'd just set down to eat when Yang asked, "so when you leaving?" Pulling Tolls attention to him.<p>

"Thursday." He answered.

"Where are you going?" Mac asked surprised, she hadn't known he was going anywhere. Tolls eyes shifted to her, the sound of her voice and the look in her eyes, effecting him. "I'm going rock climbing."

"Really?" She asked managing to sound excited and interested at the same time. He just nodded a smile playing on his lips brought on by how cute she sounded. "Where are you going?" She asked when he didn't offer an explanation.

"Tennessee." He answered, holding her gaze, his eyes momentarily dipping to her lips, remembering how badly he'd wanted to taste those lips not long ago. Mac blushed faintly pulling her gaze from his, trying to steady herself, it was difficult the look in his eyes making her think back to while the others were gone.

It was Yang that broke the charged silence between them, Hale just watched amused enjoying the show. Yang said "that's a long way to go to climb a rock." Toll turned his attention back to Yang and said, "nine and a half hours."

"What about you Mac?" Hale asked. Mac looked at him confused and asked "what?"

"Have you ever been rock climbing?" He asked eyes twinkling. She smiled and refused to take whatever bait it was he was trying to throw out, "nope."

"You should go," he paused his eyes traveling to Toll then coming back to her, "sometime." She knew what he was doing and again refused to bite, "I'm sure I will some day." She responded trying to convey with her eyes that he needed to behave. His response was a smile. Yang as if picking up on the unspoken communication between them changed the subject.

The guys fell quickly into the easy camaraderie she'd seen before, Mac listened entertained as they talked watching them contentedly, joining in on occasion, every so often she'd meet his gaze, when it happened she'd feel herself smiling at him. Followed quickly by a blush in most instances, he didn't have to say anything it was just the way he looked at her.

Mac found herself lost in thought, wondering about his upcoming trip it made her kind of sad, even though that wasn't the right word really, sorry would be better. She wanted to spend time with him before he started disappearing for days at a time again. Hale's voice brought her out of her thoughts when he said, " Mac." Drawing her attention from her thoughts, she looked around the table to find three sets of eyes on her. "Yes?" She asked, her attention going to him. "Ask him why he reads so much?" He nodded in Tolls direction a big smile on his face. Mac glanced at Toll who just looked at her, he gaze travelled back to Hale, "you really need to find some new material.." She said arching an eyebrow.

"Just ask him."

"Why?"

"I'm just curious what he'd say if you asked." Mac gave him a doubtful look, knowing what he was up to. When she looked at Toll there was smile tugging at his lips he just looked at her, his face not conveying anything, her eyes drifted to his lips for a moment, then she asked "why _do_ you read so much?" Toll held her gaze, faintly smiling at her, his attention returned to Hale, he answered eyes twinkling, "its therapeutic and I need all the therapy I can get hanging out with you." Hale gave him a disgusted look obviously trying to embarrass his friend didn't work, so he asked "So is knitting you want me to buy you some needles?" Laughter in his voice his attention coming back to Mac, she gave him a dirty look arching her eyebrow, she said "stop it you know I like the fact he reads. Maybe you should try it." Hale held her gaze laughing at her even though he didn't make a sound he said, "I'll have you know I just read a book." Before she could say anything, she heard Yang's voice, "comic books don't count, brother." She glanced at Toll, who was giving Hale an entertained look, a grin on his face.

They had stayed at her house until eight thirty, Mac had enjoyed the company, even though her over active imagination kept drifting to what had nearly happened with Toll. She was suspicious that she'd spend a sleepless night thinking about him, the thought made her feel warm.

Toll stood on Macs front porch beside her and watched Hale and Yang walk down the driveway then turned his attention back to her. "When will you be back?" She asked her eyes on him, Toll turned toward her his eyes drifting over her face, settling on her lips, he pulled his gaze away from them quickly, his thoughts from earlier this evening filling his mind, that was not a good idea... He answered as his eyes came back to her, "Sunday."

A soft smile spreading across her lips, she said, "fun." Toll nodded, staring down at her, that soft smile was dangerous at the moment. Macs face turned slightly pink, her eyes downcast, he took a deep breath. "You could return the favor." He said searching for something anything to say. Macs eyes came to his then, her smile broadened, leaving the soft quality behind, "sure." She answered. Toll watched her, smiling himself, "I should get going." He said. Mac nodded, smile still on her face, she said enthusiastically, "have fun." He grinned at her, and said, "I will."

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><p>Hale rode his bike into Tool's shop, and walked it backwards into the line of bikes already present, then shut it off. He looked over at Toll a shit eating grin on his face he got off his bike and walked toward him, pulling a bag out from under his t-shirt and tossing it to him, as he said, "Merry Christmas, I bought you something." Toll caught the bag looking down at it, it couldn't be good if Hale was bringing him a present. His eyes travelled back to Hale, suspicious he asked, "what is it?" This almost certainly meant embarrassment.<p>

"It's a surprise." Hale said a serious expression on his face, Toll looked at him a moment more, as he pulled the package out of the bag.

"It's a book." Toll said mildly shocked, the thought crossed his mind that it could be almost anything given where it came from. "I didn't even know you knew where to buy one." Toll said sarcastically as he ripped the brown paper wrapping that covered the book, for a moment he just stared at the cover his ears turning hot, then said, "what the fuck, Body Language for dummies!" His gaze snapping back to Hale, who just laughed and said, "I knew you'd want something to read while you were away, for enlightenment or therapy or one of your dumb ass reasons. You did say last night reading is therapeutic remember." Hale's smile conveying to all he felt proud of himself.

Barney, and the others watched the exchange between Toll and Caesar amused, and everyone laughed at the expression on Tolls face. Barney couldn't help but laugh himself it was entertaining, but he knew what Hale was up too. He had no doubt this latest attempt to embarrass Toll Road had something to do with the fact they'd had dinner with her last night. The only reason he knew was Yang had told Road to thank Mac for dinner last night. Barney couldn't help but wish he'd been there himself, he'd decided to stay out of it, but he didn't like not knowing how far things had gone. Judging by that book not all the way at least not yet, one thing he knew for certain if she wasn't the lily-white little thing Tool thought she was, she'd fuck Toll up. He didn't know that he'd be able to set back and watch that happen.

Toll left Tools shortly after Hale had shown up, he needed to get ready to leave and they wanted to go to the Old Point tonight. Thanks to Hale trying to embarrass him last night he knew everything she had planned for the entire time he'd be gone. She'd be working late tonight and tomorrow, she had a wedding on Saturday, then Sunday she had plans to go car shopping. He liked knowing what her plans were, even though he'd been a little uncomfortable he was glad Hale did it. He'd fallen asleep last night thinking about the evening, he had fun with her nothing new in itself, he'd been slightly nervous when she'd invited them over. Surprisingly being with her last night with Hale and Yang hadn't been the gut wrenching experience he'd thought it would be. And Hale had tried hard to make it one a few times, a smile coming to his face, it quickly left however when his mind wandered to the one memory from last night he'd been avoiding. He tried not to think about but he couldn't get rid of the feeling that she would have let him kiss her... His mind drifting to the book he had under his coat, the thought bringing a fresh wave of embarrassment, he had started to think he liked it better when Caesars only material to give him shit about had been Amber and his idiosyncrasies, his teasing about him about Mac bothered him a lot. Maybe he would read... He stopped himself, suddenly very glad he was going way.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

**"A bend in the road is not the end of the road…Unless you fail to make the turn."- Helen Keller**

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><p>Forget the lemonade, with all the lemons life had thrown her way this week, she wanted to break out the tequila and salt. First her oven, then the truffles and now Anna was sick, someone or something had it in for her this week.. Well at least it's Thursday at noon she told herself, only two and half more days to go.<p>

Well, that wasn't entirely true, one thing had worked out better than she'd expected, she'd managed to get permission from her clients yesterday, to buy truffles from a rare food importer in the city. But without Anna that meant she had to go get them, which she really didn't have time to do. It also meant no one to supervise whichever kitchen she wasn't in, she reluctantly left her office kitchen in the hands of Aaron, the young man the that helped Anna when Mac wasn't around. Uneasy about the decision, she didn't feel he had enough experience, this job was extremely important but she had no other choice.

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><p>Standing on a cliff forty feet up from the ground, could put life into perspective if you allowed it. Looking down at the forest below, the trees had started their yearly change, he knew in the next month there would be no green left, just reds, oranges, and yellows as far as the eye could see. He loved it here, the quiet simplicity of the life around him. The area had been left largely unchanged by the world around it, the people were simple, god fearing, salt of the earth people, to coin the phrase. This was the kind of place he hoped he retired to someday, if he lived that long. Maybe he'd buy a cabin up here, a place to get away, it wasn't the first time he'd had the idea, but he felt certain it would have the same result as before. He'd never do it, when he got back to town and back to work, life would take over, replacing the fantasy of the simple life found here.<p>

Mac drifted into his mind, she was another fantasy, but unfortunately, one that didn't seem to fade away. Since he'd arrived here, he'd examined his relationship with her, trying to see it objectively. It didn't work he'd fallen too far, it bothered him, but at the same time he knew it would continue. Hale's constant teasing, making it worse, when Hale told her she should go, Toll knew what he was doing and he'd bet she did also. But still he had waited, his body tense for any indication she'd like to come with him, but she hadn't given one, just told Hale she was sure she would someday. He'd hoped she'd...

He knew how stupid he sounded, that book in his bag back at the lodge coming to mind. He hadn't planned to bring it along, but seeing it laying on the kitchen table, he grabbed it before he left. Embarrassed that he'd even brought it, he shook off his thoughts pulling out his flip phone he took a picture of the rolling valleys and mountains around him, he took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the smell of fall and farm land. Then started his descent back down the cliff.

By Friday night Mac really wanted to talk to him, Tuesday night still fresh in her mind, this week had been long and chaotic, she wanted the assurance his quiet presence could give her. She wished... She really didn't know what she wished. But it was nine thirty at night and he was her first thought, not wishing she was out with Tess or wishing Jake was in town, it was him... She chose not to over think that revelation. She crawled into her bed and curled up, snuggling deeper into the pillows, pulling at her blankets and tucking them around her. She had planned on watching Downton Abby on her iPad, it no longer sounded appealing. Truthfully, it wasn't just tonight, off and on all day she'd thought about him, wondering what he was doing, if he was having fun. She'd hoped he'd text her, but also realized that wasn't likely, if she wanted to hear from him she'd have to do it.

After ten minutes of mental tug of war, she reached over and grabbed her cell from the night stand. She stared at it, her pulse quickening, she quickly typed the first thing that came to mind, not sure if she should push send. Reading the screen, where are my pictures? Mac. She hadn't asked him to send her pictures, but the thought of texting him made her nervous, so she'd just typed the first thing that came to mind. She pushed send. Then laid her phone on the bed in front of her, pulling her legs against her chest and wrapping her arms around them. Chewing on her bottom lip, this was ridiculous she felt like a teenage girl but she didn't care.

Toll looked up surprised when he heard his phone go off, hopefully it was Barney letting him know about next week, he'd said he'd let him know soon. This kind of indecisive behavior wasn't common with Barney, not in the least. The man always had a plan. He took off his reading glasses and laid down his book, then got up from the chair he set in and walked to the dresser. He reached down and picked up his phone, surprised, an instant smile coming to his lips, Mac. He opened the text. Where are my pictures? Mac

Had she asked for pictures? He questioned, no, he didn't think so, but maybe. He walked to the bed and set down. Not knowing what to say to her even in text he thought for a moment then replied honestly. Sorry, I don't remember you asking..Toll

It took him so long to respond, Mac was afraid he wasn't going to. When he did she smiled, her cheeks turning pink, she reached out and grabbed her phone a smile sneaking across her lips. Her response. You have a bad memory! Mac

Maybe she did ask, he thought when he opened the text. But before he could respond, she texted him again. Here I was thinking you paid attention! Mac.

He chuckled, knowing she was teasing him, his smile broadened, he laid back on the bed leaning against the head-board, and stretching his legs out, then answered. I know you didn't ask, brat.. Toll

Mac couldn't help it she giggled when she opened the text, she liked the way he sounded when he called her a brat. Fully aware that of the fact, she was acting like a teenager but unconcerned she replied. We're resorting to name calling again?!

He opened the text and laughed, thinking trouble might be a better name for her, she defiantly made it easy to forget to hold back. Another text came.

So, are you having fun? Mac

Toll smiled, you could say that, he responded. Then quickly opened the picture he'd taken earlier, sending it to her also.

Mac smiled at his response, typical Toll, simple. The man of few words. But before, she could respond her phone buzzed again, another message, a beautiful panorama of the Smoke's, he'd taken the picture high above the valley floor. You could undoubtedly see for miles from where he'd stood, it was a startling beautiful picture, looking at it made her wish she was there. Well, truthfully she'd already wished she was with him.

It's beautiful.. Mac

You should see it in about a month.. Toll

I wish I could, with you, the voice in her head whispered, but she answered. I bet, I love the fall colors... Mac

They're pretty..Toll. He was certain he could have found something better to say, but for the life of him couldn't come up with another response.

Mac glanced at the clock it was ten, she knew she needed to go to bed soon. She had a busy day tomorrow but she wasn't ready, biting her lip she typed. So what are you doing? Mac

Toll looked down at his phone, uncertain again, did he tell her he was in bed, that thought made him wonder if she might be in bed also... Stopping his wayward thoughts before they went any further down that path, he answered. Talking to you.. Toll

She smiled faintly, at his answer, then replied. Oh really I wouldn't have guessed.. Mac

Remembering she had a big day tomorrow he asked. Shouldn't you be going to bed? Toll. Then he instantly hoped she didn't think, he was trying to get rid of her. So he quickly followed it up with, you have a wedding tomorrow, right? Toll. Immediately after he pushed send she responded. Probably, but I don't want to.. Mac

Mac felt her smile soften, when she read his text. You have a wedding tomorrow, right? Apparently his innocent comments could make her feel breathless even via text message. Mac stared at the screen, then closed her eyes for a moment, seeing his face, him giving her that look that made her feel the need to squirm. She responded. Yea, but I'm not ready for sleep. I can find something else to do if you are though.. Mac

What she'd really wanted to say was, I miss you.

Toll knew he didn't want to stop their conversation, not yet. When she answered, a smile came to his lips again, he wished the reason she wasn't ready for bed was because she missed him, but he knew it wasn't true. His response was. I'm not going to bed soon...

They texted back and forth until Mac was close to falling asleep waiting for him to reply, before she nodded off completely, she texted him. I'm falling asleep on you, so if you text me and I don't respond, Goodnight Garrett.. Mac

Toll stared at the screen, the thought of her falling asleep texting him, made him feel that familiar pressure in his chest, and momentarily wish he was there tucking her in. She'd fallen asleep on him once before and that day he'd felt himself fall a little farther, tonight wasn't any different. He responded. Sweet dreams, Cameron...

Mac forced herself to stay awake, just incase he responded again, she was so tired her eyes weren't really focusing, a sleepy smile drifting onto her face.

You too.. Mac

She glanced at the clock quickly giving her eyes a moment to focus, it was nearly eleven. Laying her head down on the pillow, the last thoughts that crossed her mind were she'd be exhausted in the morning but it was worth it.

Toll stared at his phone a moment, again wishing things were different, that he wasn't the only one who wanted more from this relationship. Growing annoyed with Caesar, if he'd leave it the hell alone.. He stopped himself, it wasn't Hale's fault, it was his own stupidity, after all you always want what you can't have. He'd never asked Hale if he was being serious, or just messing with him, irritated with himself yet again, he scoffed, what kind of grown man asks his best friend, do you really think she likes me? The thought leaving him feeling pathetic and frustrated and disgusted with himself. But still he'd give almost anything to know, apparently anything besides his dignity or what was left of it.

His eyes travelled to his bag, knowing that book lay in the bottom, he chastised himself again, reading that book would make him feel as pathetic as asking Hale. He reached over and shut the lights off, determined to fall asleep without her being his last thought. It was a fruitless endeavor no doubt if Hale was around, he'd be teasing him about pillow talk or some stupid thing.

Mac awoke early, automatically reaching for her phone to see if he'd texted again, he hadn't, which didn't really surprise her, but it still made her marginally sad. For a moment she thought about texting him good morning, but quickly shoved it aside, telling herself there was no need to act completely desperate. She looked at Goose stretched out beside her, a smile blossoming on her lips; life in general would be so much simpler if she were a dog, she mused. She set up and got out of bed, then headed for the shower.

Toll spent the day, doing what he came here to do, keeping his mind away from her as much as possible. She'd told him last night she wanted more pics, saying you could send me more pics tomorrow and he knew he would. For now he intended to not think about her.

Damn, her feet were swollen, well that's what she got for wearing heels on the job, she set down on her coffee table rubbing her arches. She hissed, momentarily in pain, her poor feet were particularly soar high up in her arches. She needed a bucket of ice for her feet and Jose Cuervo, then maybe her feet would feel better, it wasn't late, but she felt exhausted. No doubt that was to do with a week of almost no sleep, then another late night last night, followed by an early morning. Her reason for having that late night entering her head, she hadn't heard from him today, not one pic, she'd thought for sure he'd send her some. She'd asked him to send her more, trying to make sure she'd hear from him today. A mildly pathetic and school girlish move, that any other man would see right through.

If he'd see it for what it was, it wouldn't be half so embarrassing, but she doubted he would. So it made her feel pathetic. She had begun to think, his shyness would prevent him from seeing any of it, she knew, she just might have her work cut out for her. She knew the attraction was mutual if she'd had any doubts his reaction to her on Tuesday would have quickly dispelled them. Goose set down in front of her, resting his head on her knee, he whined, wanting her attention. She reached out and scratched his head; her mind still on Toll, she wasn't sure coy tactics would get her point across with him.

Mac didn't want to get up when she heard the knock at her door, shed just set down on the couch, Goose had quickly cuddled up next to her. She swung her legs out from in under her and stood, reaching down to brush the wrinkles out of the skirt or her burgundy colored dress. She told Goose to stay, not wanting him to jump on whomever it was, she gingerly walked to the door.

When she opened to the door the first thing she felt was the almost overwhelming need to throw up, panic seizing her body, "Neal." She said, her voice barely a whisper. Her eyes held his grey blue ones, "what do you want?" She asked not giving him a chance to speak, "can I come in?" He asked the deep voice that had once made her smile when she heard it, making her skin crawl. She shot a quick glance at the coat closet, where Liam had placed the short-barreled pump shotgun, or her home defense weapon. She looked back up at him, "or we can talk out here." He suggested, Mac took a deep breath and said, "I don't know, you just need to leave."

"Please, Mac." She watched him a moment more, he looked rather desperate she noted. "Oh alright." She said stepping onto the porch. The panic of a moment ago lessening slightly. He moved several feet away, as if knowing she was anxious, leaving all exits open, he stood away from the steps and away from the door, he began. "Your house is beautiful." Mac shook her head, not wanting to talk pleasantries with him, "what do you want?" She asked, parroting the question she'd asked minutes ago. He looked away from her staring out across the yard, "I'm sorry, Kamron." His eyes slowly coming back to her, and she could see he meant it, but it didn't change the facts, she scoffed, "yeah, me too."

"If I could change it..." Mac cut him off not wanting to hear the empty words, he could have changed it by just not doing it. "What's the point, Neal?" She watched him, his eyes changed, she hoped it meant he realized she didn't want his apology. His eyes drifted down her body, then came back to hers, all business now, he said, "I came here to tell you myself, that I've moved back, I thought it would be best if you heard it from me." She nodded the news making her stomach clench in dread, she wasn't surprised she knew he'd come back someday, this was his home. As if he sensed her inner turmoil, he said, "I won't bother you Mac, I just wanted.. Well I know you don't want to hear this, but I've wished so many times... I know this is hard for you and maybe it's too soon, but my moms sick and.. I'm just sorry Mac." Even though she didn't want to hear those words once let alone twice, she could tell he meant it, and maybe she could be more understanding, especially with his mom sick, she wanted to ask what was wrong but wouldn't allow herself. Instead she said, "not half as sorry as me." Neal nodded, his head then looked down, taking a step toward the porch steps, he paused looking back at her, "I'll stay away," he began, " you can let Liam know I'll stay away." She watched him a moment, noting he was trying desperately to put her at ease, she said after a moment, "Liam will react however he feels the need to. When he finds out you're back I don't know what he'll do." Neal held her gaze a moment then turned and walked down the steps.

Mac watched him walk across her yard and get in his truck, the moment he pulled off the end of the street, she rushed inside making sure her doors and windows were all locked. She contemplated calling Liam, but his words had seemed honest and she was in no doubt heartfelt. She didn't believe she had anything to fear from him, but his visit still managed to put her on edge, she had to stop the flashback of the night several times. Liam would say she was lucky she was alive, it wasn't as bad as all that, physically he'd left her with no scars, it was inside he'd done the damage. Suddenly she thought about Toll, oddly her recent encounter with Neal didn't make her recoil from the thought of him.

Toll spent the day how he intended, and managed to keep her memory at bay for the most part, he climbed with one of the guys from the lodge. He was a kid really, named Chris, his family had owned the lodge for generations, and now he was a guide, employed by the lodge. Toll knew him from the years past, he'd asked Toll this morning if he wanted to do a more remote and dangerous climb. Toll had instantly been interested, knowing if it was as good as the kid said, the attention it would take up would keep her out of his mind so he'd said "yes."

Toll wasn't disappointed, defiantly not a beginners climb, with rock outcroppings. Which meant he spent some time cliff hanging today. It had kept his adrenalin pumping and his mind focused, when they reached the top of the climb he took a picture from the edge, angled directly at the ground. The picture was confusing when you first looked at it, the tree line started about twenty-five feet down, it created an optical illusion.

Mac smiled when the text came, it was nearly as late as it had been when she texted him yesterday. Happy beyond measure when she saw it was from him. A strange feeling of foreboding had set in after Neal had left her house, Tess had texted her and wanted to come over, but Mac had made excuses. Telling her she hadn't gotten much sleep last night and just wanted to curl up with Goose and watch a movie. Really she just didn't want to see or talk to anyone she could associate with Neal. She wasn't afraid of him, not really, weary was a better word, he had acted contrite enough for her to believe he wouldn't bother her and he was a lot of things but dumb wasn't necessarily one. He knew Liam would kill him, if he touched her again.

She smiled at her phone, the pic said underneath it, this is up. He'd taken it at the base of the rock wall, looking up, rock outcroppings everywhere, it made her smile and wonder how he'd climbed it.

Before she could respond she got another text, looking directly down the same rock wall, it said underneath the pic. This is down. This picture could be mildly confusing, making you wonder if it hadn't been taken lying on the ground. Then she quickly realized that was an illusion. Holy shit, he'd been at least twenty feet above the tree line.

She responded. Whoa, that's nuts, or you're nuts! Mac. A slight smile on her lips.

Toll chuckled when he opened the text, and asked. What are you trying to say? Toll.

Nothing! Haha. Actually I'm slightly jealous again! Mac

Whys that? Toll

I've always wanted to try it, but yeah, I think I'll leave that climb to you! And by the way you spelled my name wrong last night, it's Kamron not Cameron...Mac

Sunday came and went fast for Mac, she'd left her house around nine, stopping to pick up Liam before she went car shopping. She had no idea what she would buy or if she'd buy anything, it depended on the deals she found. And ultimately what the dealership would do for her, she still owed fifteen thousand on her car, she hoped she found somebody who would work with her. She needed reliable transportation and Subaru just kept giving her the run around, not wanting to take back her STI, she didn't have time to wait around until they decided it was actually a lemon.

Mac made the choice to not tell Liam about Neal, she'd spent sometime thinking about it yesterday and decided against it. Not wanting the drama that would follow, she believed Neal would leave her alone and his mother was sick, so she decided it was best to let stuff be. Besides Liam would know soon enough, someone would tell him, unless Neal played the hermit, which she knew he wouldn't, someone would see him. She'd deal with it then.

Things ended up working out slightly better than she'd expected, she found a 2010 four door Jeep Rubicon, and the dealership had been willing to work with her. Her payments were higher than what she'd wanted but she knew that would happen. Liam had teased her some about Toll but not overly obnoxiously, he treated it with more respect than before.

Toll made his drive home Sunday acting like a tourist, Barney had called and let him know yesterday, that they were taking next week off also so Toll didn't rush, he took his time. Stopping in town and picking up a real estate magazine, thinking about buying that piece of property or cabin he'd wanted to buy for years. Hell, maybe he'd really do it this time, it would give him a place to go, his own get away. He made several stops on the way home, something he didn't normally feel he had time to do. He wondered through two or three used book stores, making some purchases and stopped at a Flea Market. When he walked out of the Flea Market there was a flame red Maple leaf on his hood, it had undoubtably fallen from a tree near by, he looked at it for a moment then walked over and picked it up, unlocked his door and got in, placing it in the center console.

When he finally got home it was late, nearly ten pulling onto the end of the street he looked up at Macs house, it lay in darkness except for a faint light in the upstairs hall. Noticing the green Jeep setting in her yard, wondering if it was her new vehicle. He hadn't rushed home today, not only because he never felt he had the time to enjoy the drive, but because he knew if he did, he'd want to see her, be near her. After his conversations with her this weekend something felt different, she was flirtatious not that, that in itself was anything new. He didn't know what exactly, but something was different, the way she worded certain comments, he'd told her a little about his climb yesterday, she'd told him, she wished she was there. It wasn't like she'd said, I wish I was with you. Her phrasing had been innocent enough. But it had left him uncertain of the correct response, he answered. you should try it sometime, but I wouldn't recommend something like this as your first attempt. Then she'd answered, you will have to show me where to go. Again another seemingly innocent comment, but the entire conversation had been that way. The spell it had weaved around him, making him wish he could hear her voice, but he'd dismissed the thought of calling her. Warnings going off in his brain, telling him to not read too much into what she said.

He also knew she'd fallen a sleep twice this weekend while texting with him, the thought seemed so... Sweet. It didn't seem like the right word but it was the only one that came to mind, but more than that it made him feel protective.

He never really talked to a women like he talked with her, especially not texting. He also knew it could be difficult to know what people really meant in a texting conversation, but even knowing that something still felt different.

* * *

><p>She groaned the grocery store was horribly busy, pulling her list out of her pocket, luckily it wasn't a long list. She could be in and out quickly hopefully, grabbing a cart, she walked toward the produce department, she always started at this end of the store.<p>

Mac saw him, a faint smile coming to her face, she felt her breath falter slightly and her cheeks redden. He hadn't seen her, so just she stood there watching, her eyes sliding down him, a black leather driving cap on his head, she'd never seen him wear it before, she liked it she quickly decided. He had on the same red shirt he'd had on the day he'd taken her for a ride. Her faint smile broadening at the memory of that day, but today he wore it unbuttoned over a tight white tank top. The look wouldn't normally be appealing to her but on him it worked, showing off the wide expanse of his heavily muscled chest, the sight making her feel slightly warm and apparently she wasn't the only female in the area to notice.

She waited and watched the young women, younger than her she'd bet, wander closer, stopping every so often, picking up a piece of produce and pretending to inspect it, while throwing a covert look in his direction, as he moved from gondola to gondola, picking stuff out. Mac thought for one second about running up behind him and scaring him, but decided instead to use a different tactic. A broad grin spreading on her face, she reached up and pulled down her sunglasses, wandering toward him, if she had to say, much less obviously than the other women who was presently waiting for him to notice her.

She steered her cart close, he still hadn't noticed her yet, so she casually stepped up beside him, he looked over at her a surprised smile appearing on his face. Before he could say anything, she made a shushing noise and said, "Don't say anything I'm on a mission." Reaching out and grabbing an avocado from the stand in front of them. He made an amused noise, in no doubt she was up to mischief, his smile broadened even more. "What's with the sunglasses?"

"I said, shush." She chastised him, he chuckled slightly, and shook his head, amused. "You're going to blow my cover!" She said, giving him a dirty look. "Cover?" He asked doubtfully, taking in her secretive smile, his grin still firmly in place. "Yes."

"10 o'clock." She whispered, leaning a little closer, knowing she shouldn't tease him like this but unable to stop herself. He looked around, his brow furrowed, confused, his eyes settled on her lips. Her playful smile broadened, at his perplexed expression, she laughed and said, "oh never mind."

She reached up and slid her sunglasses onto her head, giving him a thoroughly mischievous smile, her eyes sparkling secretively, she found something extremely amusing. But at the moment he didn't care, she was adorable and he found it endearing, with that mischievous twinkle in her eyes. He smiled at her, chuckled and shook his head, "do I want to know what's so amusing," he asked laughter in his voice.

She gave him a bewildered smile, trying her hardest to look innocent, her eyes taking on the same quality, she said, "I don't know what you're talking about." He threw back his head and laughed this time, Mac gave him a dirty look, when his attention came back to her. Remembering he'd had an admirer, she looked where the girl had last stood to see her wandering off in the other direction. Good, was the first thought that entered her head, then Oh lord!


	17. Chapter 16

She watched the brunette a moment more, shocked by her reaction to the girl, that was defiantly a new experience for Mac. Jealousy, no it was impossible.

She shook off the feeling, dismissing it and turned her attention back to Toll, he was watching her, she smiled faintly and let her eyes drift across his feature. Toll watched her eyes drift down his face, his smile fading slightly, wondering if she was nearly as happy to see him, as he was to see her.

Mac watched him, a moment wondering what he was thinking, then asked, "Did you have a good drive home?"

"Yeah." Was his simple reply, her smile brightening more, "tell me about it!" She said expectantly, her green eyes sparkling, she managed to look both playful and inquisitive at the same time. His faint smile turning into a grin again, he made an amused noise. "It was long." He offered partly because, he wasn't exactly certain how much to tell her, people rarely asked him for details, and because he knew she wanted those details, he hadn't been able to resist the urge to play with her.

She squinted at him giving him a dirty look, that didn't enter her eyes and said, "you're the most annoying man sometimes." Turning her attention to the avocado in her hand, she pretended to ignore him.

He watched her amused, laughter in his eyes, as always she was entertaining. She pretended to ignore him, while she inspected the avocado in her hand, then she moved away from him to get a bag, still not looking at him. She reached out and grabbed another avocado, to anyone who didn't know any better, she'd look like she was just simply picking out what she wanted. But he knew better, that smirk tugging at her mouth, and twinkle in her eyes, let him know she was playing with him also.

He stood there by his cart, watching her, he liked the playful side she had. He also liked the fact she wanted to know about his drive, he found her general curiosity about him, fed his own fascination with her. He watched her an instant more, noting in amusement she wouldn't look at him and said, "it was nice." Her eyes came back to his, she still didn't look impressed, he chuckled, then continued, "it was a nice drive, I took my time and I didn't get back until around ten." She rolled her eyes, gave him a bright smile again, and said, "and that's as good as I'm gonna get."

Loading his groceries into his truck, he couldn't help but chuckle, he somehow knew he'd end up giving her the details she desired. Eventually she'd get the info she wanted, he could have told her more but he hadn't been certain what to say and the idea of teasing her had been more appealing. Her green eyes flashing, as always looking adorable, but there was something different about her. After the teasing had stopped, shed seemed different her green eyes, still playful but there was something more, she'd seemed... Shy? Maybe? He wasn't certain but whatever it was it was different.

His mind drifting to their conversations this weekend, he'd thought something was different then also. Realizing this train of thought wasn't wise, he shoved it aside. Instead wondering what exactly she'd been up to when she appeared at his side, with her sunglasses on, he had the feeling he'd completely missed something.

That night as Mac got ready for bed, her brain seemed determined to focus on him, nothing new, she thought with a sigh. Her interest in him had turned into a full on obsession, part of the time anyway, she blushed thinking about last weekend. She'd hinted and used word play and of course he remained oblivious. She couldn't help but wish again that one of them had just kissed the other, a week ago. A shiver running down her spine, at the thought. That quiet intensity he had, always pulled her in, blanketing her, making her want to stay inside of it. She knew he was gentle, and caring, but he was also strong, and if she believed in reincarnation she'd believe his soul was old.

Chastising herself for how moony-eyed she sounded, she climbed into bed and got comfortable, then grabbed her phone off the night stand impulsively, and texted him. Do you want to run with me tomorrow? Embarrassing herself again, she felt the nervousness he made her feel settling in, she just wanted...

The Old Point bar was busy tonight, he immediately noticed when he pulled up, his first thought being, it looked a little to crowded. He'd momentarily considered not going in at all, but he knew the guys were inside and he'd said he'd show up. He walked inside making his way to the table the others set at, everyone had beat him here it looked like. Except for Lee and Lacy who'd apparently gone on a romantic get away, they'd be back tomorrow and Billy who'd also gone away.

The conversation at the table entertaining as always, the present topic being the fact Amber wouldn't speak to Gunnar any longer. Gunnar told Toll it was his fault, from that point Hale had started listing the reasons it was Gunnar's fault. Toll was laughing at Gunnar when he felt his phone vibrate, he leaned back in his chair and pulled his phone out of his pocket, Mac. He glanced around the table, to see if anyone was paying attention, then he flipped his phone open, do you want to run with me tomorrow.. Mac. He smiled faintly, he liked knowing that she wanted to spend time with him, the reason didn't matter.

Sounds good, what time? He responded, his thoughts started drifting back to last weekend when he heard Hale's voice.

"Who you talking to?" Caesar asked, his voice curious and laughing, Toll looked over at him, not feeling the need to say anything, he knew Caesar knew. When Tolls phone went off again, a second later, Hale asked disdainfully. "Damn, now you gonna start acting like Christmas?" Gunnar snickered, and chimed "we only need one of those."

Toll ignored them and opened the text, 7:30?

He responded. That works, I'll see you then..

The next comment Hale made came in the form of a question, "did you read my present?" Toll managed to keep his embarrassment in check, even though his ears felt hot "No." Caesar looked at him, giving him a disgusted look and shaking his head. "I go through all the trouble of helping you out and you don't even read the damn thing?" The question was rhetorical, but Toll still felt the need to answer, with his own question, his voice sarcastic. "Did I ask for your help?" Hale scoffed, "she ain't going to wait around forever." Gunnar laughed and interjected, sarcastically, "I'm surprised she's around at all." His eyes going to Gunnar that comment stung, and played off his insecurities. Tolls attention went back to Hale, "She isn't waiting around at all, we're just friends." He said defensively.

Barney set leaning back in his chair arms folded over his chest, watching Toll Road, noting how he still used the word friend like a shield. He also noticed, he was not handling Caesars teasing well, especially not when Gunnar threw in his barb. He bet, Tolls feelings for the girl had moved way past friend.

Tool noticed quickly how touchy Toll got after Gunnar made his comment, he glanced at Barney, whose expression was as impassive as ever. But he also knew his friend well enough to know, he was most likely trying to gauge Tolls reaction. Anyone could tell Toll felt something for her but Tool didn't know if he'd ever get up the nerve to tell her. Someone might need to suggest to her that if she wanted Road, she might need to do the asking.

After a moment Yang spoke up, "maybe, easy way to answer question, is ask her." Everyone's attention turned to Yang, "I'm sick of hearing 'bout it; she maybe say no and maybe say yes. I think she say yes." Hale scoffed, his voice sounding annoyed, "that's what I've tried to tell him."

"No, you been laughing at him." Yang said, for a second Hale looked like he was going to argue, then agreeing with Yang, he said "ya that too." His expression comical. They all laughed except Toll, which only made Hale laugh harder. Toll Road, himself spoke up, "can we find something else to discuss, besides Mac."

Barney complied with his request, steering the conversation into safer waters. He brought up that he'd like some help at the hangar, at some point this week to move some shit around. Then added sarcastically, they wouldn't do it till at least Wednesday, because he knew Lee wouldn't want to miss out.

Toll listened only partially to the conversation, his mind on their recent topic, apparently Yang had decided it was open season also. Coming from his quiet Chinese friend the words seemed different.. Maybe she say no, maybe she say yes. I think she say yes.. Toll went to sleep thinking about those words, and how different she seemed last weekend and today, try as he might, he hadn't been able to rid himself of the way she'd looked at him a week ago either. His mind drifting to that book again, he'd never been confident with women, he couldn't read them and he'd never known what to say. Talking with Mac was easier than most women, he still didn't know what to say most of the time but she didn't seem to mind. Shed teased him today about his short, clipped answer today but really she didn't seem bothered by his inarticulate nature. Maybe he should read that book, he thought just before he fell asleep...

* * *

><p>He opened his front door to see her walking up his sidewalk, he paused, a smile coming to his lips. Her long hair pulled back in a pony tail, black tank top and short work out shorts on. She gave him a beguiling smile, her bright eyes twinkling like normal, her cheeks faintly flushed, he just stared at for a moment, thinking how beautiful she looked, then returned her smile. Wishing he knew what that new light in her eyes meant, much as he had yesterday, when she reached him, he realized he still stood in the open doorway. Her eyes now dancing with amusement, he had the feeling she'd also noticed his lack of movement.<p>

Mac smiled at him, when he opened the door, after a minute he returned her a smile, and Mac felt her breath catch. She'd been nervous last night when she'd texted him, but seeing him this morning made her so glad she did. He always had this effect on her, nervous and uncertain one second, happy the next. Being close to him had started to make her feel so... She didn't know the word for it, just something, that made her chest feel tight and it became hard to breath; she watched him not moving standing in the doorway, wondering what he was thinking.

"Are you ready?" She asked, her eyes traveling down his face, pausing on his lips. "Yea." He answered, his own eyes, studying her. Stepping out the door, he turned and locked it. Mac stepped back waiting for him.

* * *

><p>They finished their run in front of her house as they had the first time all those months ago, the memory bringing a faint smile to Tolls face. She looked up at him hands on her hips, eyes bright from the exertion, cheeks flushed a healthy shade of pink. Her eyes drifting to his lips, then traveling back up to meet his, her smile broadened. Toll felt himself return her smile, neither saying a word, she just smiled at him almost expectantly. His gaze traveling past her to her driveway, "a jeep, huh?" He asked.<p>

Mac smiled up at him and said, "yeah." Tolls gaze came back to her, "I like them." She smiled faintly, her eyes traveling over his face, "me too." Mac dropped her gaze a moment, knowing if she wanted to spend more time with him she would have to ask. The idea of asking him to breakfast had seemed so much easier in theory, then it did now that she found herself faced with it. She wished he didn't make her feel so strange, and uncertain, she thought this would be easy, but it wasn't. The thought of asking him this simple question made her feel so uncertain, and shy. You can do this, she told herself.

Toll watched her gaze drop away from his, wishing he was brave enough to take Yang's advice, wishing he knew why something seemed so different, suddenly her bright eyes came back to his. She gave him a shy smile, fidgeting with the white piping on her shorts, "Do you want to go have breakfast?" She asked her voice sounding hesitant.

Then waited, her smile faltering slightly when he didn't immediately answer, he just stood there staring down at her, she looked anxious, her fingers picking a the piping on her shorts. Her hesitant mannerisms, making him question the change in her demeanor again, her behavior at the moment seemed unaccountably shy for a breakfast invite between friends. He wanted this change in her he was seeing to mean, she saw him as a man.

He studied her a moment more, then said, "yes." His voice coming out scratchy, a smile appearing on his face. Mac released the breath she'd didn't realize she'd been holding, an answering smile blooming on her lips. "We can take my Jeep and I'll even let you drive." She said, her voice teasing, He studied her a moment, his eyes moving to her lips, "oh really." He said, his eyes coming back to hers.

She quickly dropped her gaze, the look he gave her making her feel the need to fidget more and turning her cheeks pink. She hazarded another glance at him, a faint smile played around his lips, the light in his eyes different then moments ago, causing her skin to tingle. He said, his voice low, "then I better go get my wallet."

Toll looked down at her, watching her quickly look away, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink. He felt his smile soften, along with something inside him, what he wouldn't give, he wished Yang and Caesar were right. The thought causing his chest to tighten, she looked up at him, "I better go get my wallet then." He said, knowing if he didn't speak he stand there staring at her.

They were just getting ready to get in Macs Jeep when Liam pulled up, one look at him and Mac knew why he was here, "please," she whispered. Please, not now she pleaded. But as he parked she knew, no matter how much she wished other wise, it had happened.

Toll watched her brother pull up noting he didn't look happy, and Mac instantly tensed, her posture going rigid.

Liam shut of off his truck and got out, walking toward them, he nodded at Toll and turned his attention back to Mac saying, "we need to talk." In an effort to put this off till a more opportune moment, she said, "can we talk later? We were just getting ready to leave." Holding his eyes, "no, we need to talk now, sis." A sickening feeling settling in the pit of her stomach, she resigned herself. Then turned her attention to Toll, "I'll go home." He said. "No, just wait for me, this won't take long." She knew how this would go, Liam would tell her what she already knew, she'd tell him she knew and he'd leave.

Toll watched them walk toward the house, feeling uncomfortable, what was going on he didn't know. But her brothers intensity, made him feel like he should go, but she wanted him to wait so he would. He walked over and leaned against the grille of her Jeep.

Mac wanted this conversation to take place out of Tolls earshot, she led Liam up the porch steps, then around the side of the house, realizing belatedly, Toll had her keys and she'd locked her house. At the end of the porch she opened the gate and led him into the backyard. Taking a deep breath she turned and looked up at Liam, "he's back Mac." Liam stated, Mac watched her brother closely, noting the anger and worry lining his feature, Liam went on before she replied. "Kyle saw him this morning, at the gas station near his house." She knew instantly, she shouldn't have kept this from him, Mac nodded and said, "I know." She dropped her gaze from Liam's, feeling guilty.

Liam stared down at her, saying nothing as it sunk in she'd known. Angry, beyond reason he asked all but hollering, "what?"

Macs face turned red at the sound of Liam's voice, she looked up at him, "please keep it down."

"Keep it down," he said his voice devoid of emotion, "keep it down." He said again his voice angry.

"Yes," Mac said desperately not wanting Toll to hear them.

"How long have you known?" He asked ignoring her comment, his anger boiling over, she'd known and she hadn't told him. "Why? How do you know?" Mac just stared up at him helpless, the idea of this conversation was proving a lot less difficult than the reality, she didn't know how to tell him. Liam watched her a moment and it clicked, he knew. "He's been in contact." He said his voice, deathly quiet, he knew his sister.

When Mac didn't respond just dropped her gaze from him again, he asked, "when?"

"Last weekend." She answered still not meeting his gaze, then quickly added in defense, "he stopped by to tell me was back, he didn't want me to hear it from someone else." She glanced up at him quickly, he looked like he wanted to strangle her. "He was here?" Liam asked incredulously. "Yes." She answered feeling sick to her stomach. He turned starting to walk off, Mac reached out and grabbed his arm, "listen to me," she began her voice pleading, worrying about what he'd do, "he didn't come here to start trouble, he came to tell me came back because his moms sick. He wanted me to tell you, he'd stay away from me and I believe him." Liam turned looking down at her, even more furious and said, "don't make excuses for him Kamron or try to protect him, after what he did..." Liam paused another thought coming to mind, he asked, "have you told your new friend?" Mac shook her head no.

Liam pulled his arm from Macs grip, and turned, "wait, Liam what are you going to do?" She asked desperately, he paused not looking back at her, his look dark. "I'm going to discuss something's with Neal."

This was exactly why she hadn't told him, he had more important things to worry about, "remember Beth and Charlotte please." She pleaded, worrying what he might do. Belatedly remembering he'd questioned if she had told Toll anything, she rushed behind him, and said, "please, don't say anything to Toll, I don't want him to know." Liam tensed and turned around, walking toward her, the look in his eyes murderous, "and that's the problem, isn't it?" He asked his voice more than angry. He stopped directly in front of her, "you never want anyone to know anything, you hid the first time from me. I bet if he hadn't bruised your face all up the last time, I wouldn't know about that either, you wouldn't tell mom and dad. You wouldn't call the cops, he's gone you kept saying and I don't wanna be a victim. News flash Mac, hiding from all this makes you a victim. But the worst part is he's back, he's been here and you didn't tell me, it's almost like you're protecting him. Damn it Mac, he nearly killed you before." His look turning harder, "but don't worry, I won't tell your new friend anything, far be it from me to tell anybody anything, you don't want them to know." His voice laced with mocking sarcasm.

She watched Liam walk off, of all the reactions she'd imagined this wasn't one of them, she'd known he'd be mad, but she hadn't expected this. She felt like someone had just punched her in the stomach. She wasn't trying to protect Neal, she just didn't want the whole sordid affair brought up again.

Toll heard some of their argument, not the words themselves, but the volume of Liam's voice, his concern didn't lesson when her brother stepped into view. He looked furious, like he wanted to kill someone. He glanced at Toll on his way by and said, "she's all yours and good luck with that." Then continued to storm off toward his truck. Toll waited a few moments watching her brother drive off and when she didn't reappear, his concern grew, he went looking for her. Wondering what could have happened to make Liam react this way. He didn't know him, had never even spoken to him but listening to Mac talk about him, it was obvious they had a close relationship, closer than most adult siblings.

She heard him coming but still after a moment when he asked, "Mac? Are you alright?" His voice hesitant and full of concern, it startled her. Knowing he was there just made it harder for a moment. She reached up and brushed a wayward tear from her eye and nodded saying "yeah." She took a deep breath to steady her nerves and turned around, her eyes focusing on his chest, not able to look him in the eye. "Mac?" He questioned again his voiced worried, when she didn't answer he asked. "Do you want me to go?" His voice uncertain.

"No," she said abruptly, her eyes meeting his for a second, then moving away from him entirely. Then thought yes, confusing herself, she didn't want him to go, but she didn't want him to stay either.

Toll studied her closely, not knowing what to say, she looked like she was trying hard to collect herself. She looked troubled and upset, her gaze coming to him again then quickly moving away. He felt a nearly overwhelming need to ask her what happened, she looked so upset and lost, ignoring the part of him that pushed him to ask. Whatever had happened was private, if she wanted him to know she'd tell him, he told himself.

Mac took a deep breath, his presence helping to calm her, she glanced up at him, his eyes were on her, she quickly looked away. Wondering what he must think, she knew he wouldn't ask any questions, he'd let her tell him, what she wanted to tell him. Grateful in the knowledge he wouldn't push her she said, " Let's go eat."

Toll watched her a moment more, still concerned, his eyes traveling down her face, "alright."

Toll remained watchful of her, throughout the ride to the restaurant and breakfast, she wasn't herself not at all, whatever their argument was over it upset her. Part of him wanted to know, why they'd argued, but he knew he had no right to ask. But still he wanted to know what happened, what would make Liam yell at her.

They pulled into Macs yard an hour or so later, Mac knew Toll felt concerned, she could feel it, and see it. She also knew she hadn't helped, she'd been distant and preoccupied ever since Liam left. She should have asked him if they could skip breakfast but she'd wanted him close, his presence was soothing. She reached out grabbing the door handle and opened the door. Toll hadn't gotten out yet either, she turned her head in his direction, she gave him a faint smile.

"What are you going to do today?" Toll asked, telling himself it was simply something asked out of concern and to break the silence and nothing to do with wanting to stay close to her. She still looked so shaken. Her eyes drifted to his lips then traveled back to his, "playing hooky." She answered a faint smile on her face, then she continued, "maybe I'll go explore some French quarter shops or go to the beach." Her eyes filled with that far off look again, dropping from his and focusing on a point past his shoulder. "What about you?" She asked after a moment her eyes coming back to his. Toll held her gaze, feelings swirling inside him, the tone of her voice and the unguarded expression on her face, making him want to make her smile, he answered. "Not much."

Macs gaze shifted from his again, then came back, "will you come with me?" She asked, her eyes coming back to his, her voice coming out a whisper. Tolls brow furrowed, the way she was looking at him, her troubled eyes open, telling him she wanted him with her, he felt like someone had put a vise around his chest. He nodded his head, and said, "yea." She gave him the first real smile he'd seen since before Liam showed up, it was radiant and genuine and it brought an answering one to his own face. "In that case can we take your bike?" She asked that smile still on her face, Toll chuckled lightly, at the eager look in her eyes, "and that's why you want me to go." He said teasingly, then added, "yea, we can take it." Mac smiled and got out of the Jeep, turned and watched him walk toward her, she said, "I need to shower, though." Toll smiled and said, "me too."


	18. Chapter 17

**First of all I would like to thank everyone who has read, reviewed my story, and favorited/followed! Thanks! **

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><p>Barney Ross, climbed into his low, sleek black '55 f-100 to make the trip across town, carefully shutting the door. He put the keys in the ignition and started it up, the sound causing his lip to twitch, he loved the rumble of the well tuned 347. The sound vibrating off the walls of the garage, making the windows in the truck itself shake. He backed out of his garage and down the driveway, then carefully into the street, his hand went to the hearse shifter, he slid it into first and eased the throttle down. The rumble from the engine and exhaust causing the truck to vibrate more, he found the sensation exhilarating, the small hairs on his arms standing up. She didn't sound like a truck he mused, more like an animal. For which he'd paid dearly when he built her.<p>

He'd always been a car guy, since he was a child, some of his fondest memories centered around his dads 57 Chevy, painted flat black. A built 350 under the hood, he could still remember that rumbling sound, you could feel it in the ground. When he was young the sounds and feelings associated with that car always gave him chills. His father would take her and go to Tennessee every few months, to help his uncle run shine. The idea of that dangerous lifestyle he'd found very appealing. He'd planned briefly, in his youth to follow in his dad's footstep, running bootleg whiskey with his uncle. But the Army had come calling and without a doubt, been the better life plan.

When he was fifteen he'd bought an old dodge, from a neighbor, tore the engine down with his dads help, painted her primer black. And hit every dirt road quarter-mile he could find.

Out of all the cars he'd built through the years it remained a toss-up which was his favorite, that old dodge or this truck. He still remembered the day he'd had no choice but to destroy the latter, with trepidation and sorrow, but with a lot of work and Gunnar's help, he'd managed to find another and between the two build this one.

Shaking of the thoughts of that time when Gunnar had lost it, sold them out and tried to kill Yang. Leaving Barney with no choice but to shoot him, he should have died, but somehow he managed to come back from the dead like the Lazarus man. It was shortly after that, that Road had encouraged him to find a therapist. He wasn't certain Gunnar had taken the advice but he'd been good so Barney wasn't concerned.

He reached out turning on the radio, Copperhead Road greeted him. A smirk came to his lips, somehow the song seemed appropriate. Dismissing the thought of Gunnar and reminiscing about his youth. He focused on the task at hand, he needed to go find Toll Road and pick up some artillery boxes and ammo cans, he had at his house. He suspected Road had plans with Mac this morning. Caesar had asked him if he wanted to go to breakfast this morning and Toll said he couldn't. He thought maybe he should call first to make sure he was around but had decided if he interrupted something it might work to his benefit. And if not, well maybe it was time for him to say something. He knew Tool thought he should stay out of it but watching Road he didn't know if that was something he was willing to do any longer. After last night, and Tolls reaction to Yang's comment. Road had clammed up instantly and wanted a change of subject. The clamming up wasn't really anything new, but something more accompanied it, a strange intensity. He had remained preoccupied for the rest of the evening. His behavior compelled Barney to get to the bottom of it once and for all.

The last conversation Barney had with Tool about them, Tool had still remained adamant about the fact, he really thought the girl liked Road. But personally he still questioned it, if something, looked to good to be true, then it usually was... Like any man in his profession he learned to work off what instinct told him, and instinct still made him question her motives. After all Toll was not the type of man to attract a beautiful, outgoing, successful young women, twenty years younger than him. He didn't like thinking that way about his friend but sometimes you had to call a spade a spade.

Pulling up in front of Macs house Toll shut off his bike and waited. Thinking about the part of the day they'd already spent together, her whispered question still in his mind. If she wanted him close he'd wouldn't tell her no, he wanted her close as well. Shed been distant since her brother's departure and it made him worry, she wasn't her normal playful self. She hadn't eaten much at breakfast, just pushed her food around the plate and he knew from experience she had a healthy appetite. But it was how distant she'd been as if lost in another time and place that really bothered him. There was the good chance, if she hadn't asked him to come with her, he would have ended up suggesting something himself.

For once he hadn't cautioned himself about her reasons, if she wanted him close, she'd get him. Just for today he wasn't going to worry about tomorrow or falling farther, just for today he planned to let life happen and be the friend she needed. He'd worry later.

He looked up when she stepped onto the porch, she turned and locked the door before she looked at him, when she did her soft smile caught him off guard, it was almost humbling to know after whatever happened with her and her brother this morning, she wanted to spend time with him. Her eyes held an equally disarming quality, the green brighter than normal, and for a moment he felt at a loss.

She dropped her gaze from his, he allowed his eyes to do the same, she looked good as usual, she wore a tight-fitting black jacket that ended at the low waist of her dark blue jeans that fit her nicely. His eyes wandered lower, traveling down her denim clad legs, to the black boots that began just below her knees. He'd always liked women in boots like that, but he thought he might just like her dressed like that better than the others.

He stood when she got closer holding her bright gaze, he handed her the helmet saying nothing, just watching her. He searched her eyes for a moment, still not liking what he saw there. She smiled faintly, as if she was trying to reassure him, she reached out and took the helmet from his hands, her attention going to the task of putting it on.

Toll turned and stepped over his bike setting down again, feeling her hands go to his shoulders, then slide farther down his back as her weight settled on the bike behind him. He turned his head, "where to?" He asked not certain where she wanted to go. She thought about it, doubting he would enjoy the crowded French quarter, so she decided to place the decision in his hands, she answered, "wherever you want to go." Toll turned his body more so he could see her better, he hadn't expected that, he held her gaze for a moment. "Alright." He said, turning forward after a moment, he started his bike, uncertain. He felt her hands go to his sides and fist in the leather of his jacket.

He came to a stop at the end of the street and he felt her arms slide around him. He glanced down, at her left hand clasping her right wrist against him abdomen. Her body shifted moving closer, he smiled faintly, turning left at the end of the street, he knew where he'd take her but first he planned on keeping her on his bike for while. He liked to feel of her slender arms around him.

Mac watched him turn away from her, she didn't really care where they went as long as she was with him. When she'd asked him to do this with her, shed really just wanted the closeness. She wanted to forget Neal, Liam, all of it really. Content to just be on the back of his bike, close to him.

Toll left the city and headed south, he'd taken the same route with her once before, this time though, he followed the peninsula into the gulf. Memories of their first real ride together assailed him when he passed the turnout, where he stopped with her the first time, the way she'd looked at him, the feel of her close. But mostly he remembered how vehemently not wanted that day to end, afraid he would never have another like it. Something inside him shifted, when he felt her arms tighten around him marginally, he hoped it was because she was remembering.

Mac watched the miles role by, knowing he followed this same road with her once before. If she was honest with herself, she started to realize she wanted more from him that day. When they passed the turnout where he stopped with her all those months ago, she could help but think about the fact she'd wondered about kissing him the first time in that very spot. Her arms tightening around him at the memory.

Toll drove a few miles further and pulled off into a picnic area, he parked and shut off his bike. He felt her arms untangle from around his waist, he reached back to steady her, his hand gripping her elbow. When she swung her leg over his bike, he reluctantly let go and watched as she pulled off the helmet. She smiled at him, then looked around curious, she'd never been here before, a thick line of trees separated them from the water, she could see the gulf through the it. A trail led toward the trees, and to the beach.

In the distance she could hear the roar of the surf crashing into the land, and scream of the gulls overhead. She smiled faintly she loved the smell of the salt air. She breathed deeply, letting it fill her lungs, she loved the ocean.

Much to Barney's irritation he found when he arrived at Toll Roads, he was gone. He waited a few minutes, thinking maybe he'd appear, when he didn't he called him. Getting no answer, he didn't leave him a message, just hung up.

Toll stayed on his bike after she'd gotten off, she turned surveying their surroundings, while he surveyed her. His eyes traveling over her, she still seemed tense and upset. He brought her here because the view from the beach below was magnificent and she mentioned the beach this morning. And because he had, in the past came and walked this stretch of beach when he felt troubled, the undertow made it a not so desirable stretch of beach for families and tourists. Making it private and quiet, the perfect place to forget. He hoped she liked it.

He stood swinging his leg over the seat, and took off his helmet, his eyes fixed on her, she still stood with her back to him, her helmet hanging from her hand. He stepped forward and reached for it gently pulling it from her fingers, bringing her attention back to him.

Mac turned when she felt him take the helmet from her, she watched him his back to her as he placed their helmets on the seat. Her gaze fixed on his shoulders in that black leather jacket, he filled it out nicely, she decided earlier, but then again he filled out everything well. He turned after he removed his jacket and looked down at her, his eyes drifting over her upturned face. The look in his eyes unsettling, his gaze moved over her face, then came back to her eyes.

Mac felt her breath catch slightly, watching him, knowing she wanted this closeness with him, did nothing to quell the butterflies swarming in her stomach. If anything, admitting it only made it worse, she could be with him everyday like this and still not get used to the way he looked at her. The idea of being with him everyday, making her skin feel warm.

They followed the trail to the beach, Toll walking behind her, watching her intently, she moved gracefully he thought. He chastised himself for the stupidly poetic thought. He focused on not tripping over one of the many rocks sticking up out of the path, he'd feel really intelligent if he tripped because he was to busy watching her to watch the path. She looked back at him her eyes filled with that softer quality, along with that thing he couldn't ever name. A faint smile tugging at her lips, Toll returned the gesture, what he wouldn't give to see that look in her eyes every time she looked at him.

"It's beautiful," Mac said after they left the trees, her eyes traveling along the beach. "I didn't even know this was here." Her eyes slowly coming to him, he smiled down at her, his eyes drifting to her lips. "Yeah, most people don't. It's not ideal for families, the undertow is really strong."

Macs eyes traveled to his lips momentarily, then came back to his eyes. She asked a soft smile playing around her lips, "how did you know it was here?" He didn't answer immediately, his gaze roaming over her, the wind blowing off the ocean whipping her hair around her shoulders and across her face. For a moment he thought about reaching out and brushing the hair way, holding her face in his hands and leaning down... Stopping the thought, he answered, "I found this place a longtime ago." His gaze holding hers, Mac felt herself flush, the look in his eyes and the timber of his voice, making her skin tingle.

She reached up, brushing the hair from her face and tried to confine it behind her ear, while she found her voice. Caught in his gaze she asked, her voice faint, "so this is a place you come?" Blushing more, still unable to pull her gaze for his, she desperately wanted to know.

Toll held her gaze watching her brush her hair behind her ear, her eyes on him, a blush staining her cheeks. Stopping himself from stepping closer, he answered, "I used to come here, but it's been a longtime." The soft smile that stole across her face, compelled him to say more, "I thought you might like it." She blushed more, her gaze dropping from his, she bit her lip. The familiar feeling of confusion setting in, he heard Yang's words from last night.

She heard his words, the knowledge, she'd wanted making her blush harder. Pulling her gaze from his, she knew she was going to fall so hard for him, she already was. She wanted him desperately, and not just in the physical sense she wanted all of him. She bit down on her bottom lip, the though causing her skin to feel tight and heat to swirl in her stomach. What would it be like to belong to this quiet man, a voice inside of her whispered. Macs gaze came back to him but only for a moment, afraid to hold his gaze any longer she turned and started to walk toward the surf.

Toll watched her gaze come back to his, his body tensing, her beautiful eyes filled with a bewildered look, then she turned taking her gaze with her. And left him to watch, as she walked toward the surf, his heart pounding... He took a shaky breath. Shoving all the doubts and uncertainties that were filling his head aside, reminding himself, he decided to just be here for her today and not worry.

After a moment he followed her, catching up with her easily. She glanced up at him shyly but didn't say a word. Her gaze quickly returning to scenery surrounding them. They walked along the shoreline, close together, neither saying anything.

He watched her more than he should as they walked, fascinated by her movements, finding her constant fidgeting enchanting. She was fighting a loosing battle with her hair, every time she brushed it behind her ear or over one shoulder the wind promptly rearranged it. Making the shiny, soft looking mass tangle. "Why don't you tuck it inside your coat?" He suggested tenderly drawing her attention. She looked up at him surprised and smiled, "now why didn't I think of that." She said, stopping to unzip her jacket she tucked it in but before she'd even zipped her jacket all the way, the wind had pulled some of it loose.

Walking side by side with him so close their arms nearly brushed several times, she felt thankful he was here with her, unbidden her mind drifted to her argument with Liam. She called him before she got in the shower this morning and he hadn't answered. She hadn't really expected him too. She had hung up and called Beth, Beth had answered, she'd already known what happened. Liam had come home furious and Beth had talked him down some. She told Mac, he had every intention of finding Neal. Telling her to just let him do it, and assuring her in a day or two Liam would calm down. Mac hated fighting with him and the drama that all of this would stir up. She also knew she shouldn't have kept what she knew from Liam, it made her feel nauseous. It was badly done. Shaking her head, not wanting to find herself swamped with those emotions.

Focusing on something, anything beside the events of this morning, she changed direction and walked to a large piece of driftwood, and set down pulling her right leg into her lap. She looked up at him and smiled as she unzipped the zipper that ran along the inside of her calf. Her attention going back to her boots, Toll watched her slightly bemused, after a moment he realized she intended to walk barefoot. Finding the idea ridiculously cute, a smile appearing on his face, he hadn't done that since he was a teenager. She surprised him when she asked, "do you have family?"

Mac had asked the question out of general curiosity, she'd thought of so many things she wanted to ask him, things she was curious about. And wanting something to focus on besides the events of the morning, shed asked. But she second guessed herself, the moment the question came out. He was a very private man, she looked up at him.

Taken aback by her question he held her gaze a moment, he'd never get used to her curiosity. As far as questions went, it wasn't unusual, at least not for normal people. But for him it was something that he wasn't asked often nor something he liked to discuss but after a moment more he answered. "Not really, my parents are dead." Not mentioning his brother or the fact, he wasn't sure if he was still alive or not. He hadn't spoken to Paul since their father died eighteen years ago. He hadn't handled Tolls transition to mercenary any better than their father had.

Mac finished removing her boots, while he answered, her eyes coming to him. The thought that he had no family making her sad. "I'm so sorry Toll." Then added, "it's good you have good friends," not knowing what else to say. Holding his gaze she had no idea what he might be thinking, he said what people say, when you express sorrow for a loss. "It's alright, and I know I'm fortunate." Selfishly, she found herself wondering if he included her in the friends he felt fortunate to have. Shoving the thought aside, she stood, picked up her boots, and said "let's go."

She smiled up at him when he fell into step beside her once again, he surprised her when he asked, "what about your family?" Macs smile brightened as she replied, "um, well my dad is a shipwright, my moms never really worked. She always took care of us." She glanced up at him quickly, he smiled at her faintly. She turned her gaze back to the beach and continued, "my dads a second generation immigrant, and my moms a Scotch-Irish girl from Boston." Surprised again when he asked, "immigrant?"

"Ya, Scottish." She replied, from that moment she talked and he listened, asking the occasional question. She told him about school, about her childhood. Telling stories about her and Liam as children, and her one trip overseas. He had asked about her choice to go to culinary school, she told him, she wanted to backpack across Europe, her father wanted her to go to business school. So they'd compromised as she put it. She told him South Africa was on her list of places to see, she wanted to go cape buffalo hunting apparently. He listened amused, and laughed with her. She seemed less upset when he eventually asked, "are you ready to eat?" Smiling up at him, she nodded and said "yes." Then added, scrunching up her nose, "my feet are cold." His smile broadened, watching her eyes twinkle. He said his voice playfully, "I wonder why." His gaze dropping to her bare feet, her toes curly into the sand. She even had cute feet, he mused.

They walked back along the beach in amicable silence, stopping at the end of the trail that led back to the picnic area, Mac set down on a rock dropping her boots on the sand beside her feet, she looked up at him and smiled. She put her feet on the rock in front of her and brushed the sand from them, her attention went to the chore of putting on her socks and boots, nearly toppling of the rock in the process. She looked up at him smiling, he watched her amused, his arms folded over his chest. For some reason his amusement made her blush, she jumped up smiling at him, she eyed him playfully. "And apparently chivalry is dead, again!" She said arching an eyebrow. Tolls grinned, remembering the last time she'd accused him of not being chivalrous. Trying to look affronted, she gave him a dirty look and said, "jackass!" This time he chuckled, but still didn't comment. She glared up at him trying to look offended and said, "seems your _not_ being a gentleman at the moment, you can go first." Gesturing toward the path in front of them.

Mac settled on his bike behind him again, her arms sliding around his waist, she shifted closer, wrapping her arms more tightly around him. Hoping he didn't plan on taking her home after lunch, she didn't want the day to end yet.

She sighed when they pulled into a diner a few miles away, wishing they had driven farther before he stopped. Then reminded herself she would be on the back of his bike again soon. "So," he asked as he got off the bike. "After lunch, do you want to go back?" No! Her mind screamed, but she said, "if you want." Toll smiled at her his eyes drifting over face, was that disappointment he saw in her eyes when she answered, he wondered. Ignoring the uncertainty settling in his stomach, he said "if you don't have anything else to do, I have an idea."

Mac smiled brightly up at him, so glad he wasn't dropping her off just yet. The idea that he had something else in mind, making her stomach flutter, she said, "id like that."

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><p><strong>So for anyone out there that knows they actually auctioned off the truck they used in the first movie, I brought it back simply because, well, I felt it deserved some attention! And also I know it isn't <strong>**really a '55 it's a '56 customized to look like a fifty-five, incase anyone reads this that knows the history, but I didn't feel the need to get into all that! And on another note, to all of you that might not like the fact, Barney's dad ran moonshine some during Barney's childhood. Well, I happened to listen to Copperhead Road while I was writing this chapter, and I ran with it. So I'd like to apologize! **


	19. Chapter 18

**So, I know it took **** a few days for this chapter, I thought I had all figured out but alas, that wasn't the case. I hope it proves worth the wait!**

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><p><strong>Someday I'll wish upon a star<strong>  
><strong>Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh<strong>  
><strong>Where trouble melts like lemon drops<strong>  
><strong>High above the chimney tops <strong>**that's where you'll find me- Israel Kamakawiwo'ole**

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><p>Mac unlocked the door and ran up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. Goose on her heals, a smile on her lips, the infuriating man wouldn't give her a hint at all about what he had planned. He hadn't said to hurry but she couldn't help it rushing into her room. She hurried to her dresser, finding the appropriate attire quickly, she reached up and unzipped her coat than tossed it in the general direction of her bed. Reaching down and unbuttoning her jeans, her smile broadened, her stomach doing a flip. The only hint he'd given her, being what cloths to put on. And than only suggesting, she wore workout cloths, and no shorts like she'd had on this morning.<p>

Toll unlocked his door walking inside, he pulled his phone out and checked it for the first time today, one missed call the screen said. Pausing he flipped the phone open, Barney, he thought in surprise, wondering if he'd missed something last night. Was he supposed to meet him today? He hit call, when Barney didn't answer he left him a brief message. Then quickly dismissed the thought of what he could want, his mind focusing instead on changing his cloths. He hoped Mac liked what he had planned. The little brat had teased and nagged him all through lunch about where they were going. He hadn't told her a thing, he hadn't planned or thought about it being a surprise. But her reaction had been so enchanting, he couldn't help but tease and play with her.

He told himself, her preoccupation with what he wanted to do with her, had chased away the rest of her unease,and that's why he didn't tell her what he had planned. Ignoring the fact, that in her eagerness she'd reminded him of a child, so adorably excited, she could hardly contain herself. Selfishly, wanting to keep her in the dark so shed continue to pester him, he couldn't help it, as usual she made it easy, for him to forget himself.

She didn't realize the more she tried to charm him, the less likely he was to tell her a thing.

She was in the bathroom brushing her hair when she heard the knock on her door, she ducked her head, an instant blush staining her cheeks. She rushed out of her room hurried to the railing by the stairs, she hollered, "come in." Goose rushed past her and down the stairs, when the door opened. Catching Toll off guard, as he stepped inside, nearly knocking him over in the process. Macs laughter drawing his attention up the stairs, as he squatted down to pet Goose, saying, "hi boy." His gazing catching on hers, where she leaned against the railing, her cheeks pink, eyes dancing with amusement. "I'll be ready in just a minute," She said laughter in her voice. She quickly disappeared toward her room, then reappearing at the railing, she added, "make yourself at home, get something to drink or whatever." Toll nodded, a smile on his face.

Mac came downstairs within five minutes, her long hair pulled back, her smile bright, eyes dancing. Toll watched her, the knowledge that he'd had something to do with that smile, making his chest tighten. Suddenly, wanting her to always smile like that and quickly realizing he was heading into dangerous territory with that thought. He shook it off. He said, "You really shouldn't holler come in, unless you know who's there, Mac."

She gave him a bright smile her cheeks flushed, "But,I knew it was you!" Toll smiled at her, he couldn't help it, the tone of her voice, sounded cute and playful. Reminding him of her behavior at lunch but still, he said, "I'm sure you did Mac, but you really should be more careful." Thinking about the times he'd seen, she left her door unlocked, "and you shouldn't leave your door unlocked, ever." She gave him a confused look, noticing how serious he had suddenly become, she said. "I don't anymore." Thinking about Neal's recent visit, she quickly shoved the thought aside. He watched her for a moment, trying to figure out if she was trying to placate him, he finally respond, "that's good, there are a lot of crazy people out there." She nodded taken slightly of guard by how serious he sounded and looked, he surprised her when he continued. "You, living here, in this house alone is asking for trouble." Mac nodded she didn't know what else to do, his tone more grave now then before, belatedly she said, "I know, I'm careful." He didn't argue the point that leaving her door unlocked especially, when she was out of the house wasn't careful, he simply said meaningfully, "make sure that you are."

Embarrassed by his own response to her simply hollering come in, he drove lost in thought for a bit. He knew it had bothered him that she'd left her door unlocked before and he thought about saying something to her a few times. But how he'd just responded wasn't how he intended to talk to her about it, he thought about suggesting that she keep her doors locked and point out that a women living alone made an easy target. The problem being she wasn't just any women living alone, she was the one he wanted...

She watched him out of the corner her eye, preoccupied as he appeared, he didn't notice her attention. She felt a soft smile spread across her lips, a warm feeling slowly spread through her body. His words, and concern?... Had made that softness spread throughout her body, he made her feel special. No matter how cheesy it might sound, special was how she felt at the moment. She turned her head looking out the window, nipping her bottom lip, that soft smile still on her face. She drew a shaky breath, she wanted that protectiveness, no one had ever been that way with her in her adult life. Ignoring the warmth settling in an inconvenient place, she asked.

"So?" drawing him from his own thoughts and bringing his gaze to her, she gave him her most beguiling smile, her eyes expectant. He chucked and shook his head, his attention drifting back to the road. "Oh come on!" She said, her voice sounding exasperated, he looked at her again. "No." He said, chuckling again, "patience, Mac." She made a humphing noise and dramatically shrugged her shoulders, giving him a dirty look. He laughed, the sound coming from deep in his chest. She proceeded to ignore him, she kept her gaze fixedly on the road. After about ten more minutes of the silent treatment, he said," we're almost there, you can stop nagging now." Laughter in his voice.

"Nagging?" She exclaimed, then added sarcastically, "I haven't spoken to you in the last ten minutes; are you sure you don't want to stop and blindfold me."

"Blindfold." He said thoughtfully, then continued "that wouldn't stop the nagging." His voice playful, then he added his voice at a lower octave, sounding sarcastic, "a gag might help though." Macs eyes widened, her gaze instantly going to him, for a moment completely speechless, "you're mean!" She exclaimed, her eyes twinkling.

Toll glanced at her, instantly embarrassed, he couldn't believe he'd just said that to her. Her green eyes twinkled with amusement and laughter, an entertained smirk on her lips, "you're mean!" She exclaimed, with a laugh, her expression and the sound of her laughter making him laugh also.

Toll pulled into the business and parked before he looked at her. Suddenly, nervous about the choice he'd made, reminding himself she'd told him she wanted to try it. He wanted her to like this idea, for it to make all the pestering she'd done today worth while, in her eyes.

Mac looked at the building her eyes instantly going to the sign, it read Rock Sport, then underneath the business name it said "New Orléans foremost indoor rock climbing." Mac felt that soft feeling steel through her body again, surprised, her gaze shifted from the sign on the building to him.

He turned and looked at her, his eyes meeting hers, at first her expression made him uneasy. Then he noticed, the smile playing around her lips, and light in her eyes changing. Her smile broadened and excitement filled her eyes, she shook her head slightly, her smile brightening. Toll held her gaze and asked still a little uncertain, "is this ok?" She nodded, "it's perfect." He'd done it again, she mused.

Toll looked down at her as they entered the building, he'd never been here, only seen the place. He knew he could have come up with a more private place to take her but needing to keep some distance between fantasy and reality, he decided this would be best. His decision to not let his uncertainty get in the way today, had made the waters murky. He didn't trust himself, if he'd taken her and taught her on his own, he didn't know if he would be able to not... Mac smiled up at him, bringing him out of his thoughts and back to the present.

Mac looked around after he opened the door for her, catching everything. He had remembered what she said and made it a reality, the knowledge that he'd heard her and remembered, having the effect all of his attentive actions did. Feeling breathless she looked up at him with a smile on her face. An employee quickly appeared at their side and said, "welcome to Rock Sport." The young guy introduced himself as, Mark and led them to the counter.

After she answered questions and signed the release, they led them to a wall for beginners. Content to watch her and wait, he stood back as the employee helped her into her harness, adjusting it to fit her small frame. She watched the young man listening to everything he said, and asking questions, a bright smile on her face. Entirely engrossed in what her instructor said and explained, it made him momentarily wish he'd taught her himself, greedily, wanting the attention she bestowed on Mark, bestowed on him.

Her gaze left her instructor, momentarily, looking over to where he stood close by, then shifting back to Mark. Her gaze quickly returning to him, her smile fading a bit, his eyes held a strange intensity. The intensity faded quickly when her eyes came back to him, but they were no less disturbing. She gaze traveled back to the man named Mark, who was directing her to the wall. Her eyes traveled back to Toll briefly, a wide grin replaced the strange look of moments ago. She smiled in return, then turned her attention back to what Mark was saying.

Toll watched as she climbed, the first wall was a cinch, she reached the top quickly, Mark had told her when she reached the top, she could climb back down or let go and he'd lower her. She opted for letting go, Toll held her gaze as she lowered to the ground her eyes dancing. Mark moved her on to a more difficult section, this one proved a bit more difficult, she still did it but it took a bit more thought, she had to pause on the wall, twice before deciding the best course, then move forward.

After her hour was up, she walked over to where he set on a bench and plopped down beside him, a bright smile on her pretty face. She looked over at him and asked, "how come you didn't do it with me?" He shrugged holding her gaze, before he got a chance to speak she spoke again, "this is probably child's play for you, hunh?" He nodded a faint smile on his lips, "yeah, you could say that." Her eyes drifting to his lips, she said, smiling softly up at him, "Well, I had fun," as her eyes came back to his. "Good." Toll said caught up in her green eyes. "Can you climb alone?" She asked her voice curious, he smiled and nodded his head yes, then said, "you can." Her eyes traveling over his face, suddenly curious about his trip, she asked, "is that what you did in Tennessee?" Her eyes coming back to his, he nodded again a smile tugging at his lips, "the first day I went solo. But it's a lot different from what you did today, it takes specialized rigging, and anchor points. You use the lead rope differently. You need a self belay device, basically it changes a lot and isn't a good idea unless you have considerable experience." Mac smiled wryly, her eyes drifting to his lips, she asked, "and you do?"

"You could say that."

"How long have you been doing it?" She asked curious about the man he was again. She turned her torso so she faced him, he smiled at her, her curiosity yet again making him happy. "In the military, they taught us to climb and repel, its something I enjoyed so I've continued to do it." Mac nodded and said, "maybe next time, you could take me with you." She quickly looked away her cheeks turning red, slowly her gaze came back to him. She hadn't meant that quite how it sounded but didn't correct herself, when she saw the expression on his face. Toll felt like the air had just been sucked from his lungs, when her eyes met his, he stared down at her intensely, then answered, "if you want, I can do that." Mac smiled up at him her cheeks still red, she said, "I'd like that." Toll looked down at her wanting to lean down and kiss her, the feeling almost overwhelming, knowing he needed a distraction, he asked, "do want to try bouldering?" She gave him a confused look, and asked curious, "what's bouldering?" He smiled at her, "climbing without a harness and rope, basically you get a spotter with a mat, they have walls for it in back." She smiled at him, "sure, will you do it too?" She asked expectantly, he held her gaze a moment, "yeah."

Mac watched him climb the wall, studying him appreciatively, she watched the muscles of in his arms flex and bunch under the effort. The thin material of his grey t-shirt did little to hide his flexing shoulder muscles, forcing herself to watch him climb, instead of drooling over the way his muscles flexed and corded as he did it. He easily reached the top of the climb, then he let go and dropped to the ground. Turning to her a smile on his face, he said, "your turn."

They moved to an easier piece of wall for her to try it, their spotter a young women, named Cary, gave Mac pointers, for which Mac was grateful but she didn't make it to the top. Only about three-quarters of the way up and she lost her grip, landing on her feet. Flashing him a smile, she immediately started to climb again. This time she made it. They spent the next hour taking turns, Toll had no doubt her upper body was gonna be sore in the morning.

* * *

><p>As he started his truck, he looked over at her and asked, "are you hungry?" Instead of taking her home, like would be wise. She smiled and asked, "that depends, are you going to let me pay?" Toll looked at her, a slight grin on his face he chuckled, "how about you pay for your own meal."<p>

"Why can't I pay for yours?" She asked amused by his response.

"I'm a man Mac, we kind of like to pay our own way." Mac arched an eyebrow at him, then argued, "I think you've proved that already, you've paid for everything today." She only argued out of fun, likening playing with him. And it helped mask her body's immediate response to his comment about being a man. That comment had sent heat coursing through her body. He defiantly _was_ all male. When he didn't respond, she said, "well I guess we'll go Dutch then." Knowing fully what she implied, she smiled sweetly when his shocked gaze shot to her. Then quickly, looked away to hide the blush that stained her cheeks and laughter welling inside her. She knew she probably shouldn't tease him like that but couldn't help herself.

Toll watched her turn from him, at first he'd wondered if she knew what shed just implied, growing suspicious when he noticed her shoulders where shaking with barely suppressed laughter.

* * *

><p>Toll received a text from Hale, right after the waitress brought their food. He ignored it concentrating instead, on the fact that Mac was most defiantly up to something. She'd recovered from her mirth after a few minutes, giving him an innocent look when he tried to read her gaze. Trying not to think about her comment about them going Dutch. Something deep inside him had urged him to tell her, if this was a date she wouldn't be paying for anything but he didn't and he shoved those thoughts away. Knowing that wasn't a wise path to take, even though she teased him about going Dutch. After a few moment she got up and excused herself heading to the bathroom on the way back she stopped at the counter and paid for their meal in advance. Explaining the situation, somewhat, to the hostess, who just smiled and laughed, then said as Mac walked off, "seriously, honey, if he wanted to pay for my dinner I wouldn't complain." Mac didn't respond just kept walking, a secretive smile on her face.<p>

When she arrived back at the table, Toll looked up at her, the smirk on her pretty face making him instantly suspicious. She set down, smiling innocently at him, she reached out and grabbed her drink. Her innocent look, rendered impotent, when she giggled for no reason. Toll watched her a moment more, then shook his head, certain he'd find out what she did soon.

Toll hung up the phone, his thought focusing on Mac, he shook his head, he'd gone to find out why they hadn't got their check yet, to find Mac had paid the tab already, a smile playing on his lips. He wasn't really surprised she'd paid and he'd let her have her fun. The girl did things to him, so had this day. Seeing her like she'd been today, in all the range of emotion she'd felt, had changed something. He waited for the doubts and uncertainty to come rushing in but oddly enough he felt only a strange sort of anxious, calm.

Hale had called while he went to find their waitress, not surprisingly the guys were heading to the Old Point. The call was his invite, Toll had told him he didn't know if he'd make it. Hale had instantly surmised Mac was with him, surprisingly enough he didn't catch a bunch of shit. The last thing Hale said to him before they hung up, was bring her with you. So, he walked back to the table, knowing he could easily take her home now, she was better, his friendly duty discharged. But it wasn't enough for him, he set catching her gaze, and took a deep breath. Her emerald-green eyes danced with mischief, she smiled at him sheepishly, "proud of yourself?" He asked, she gave him a big smile, and laughed. Obviously, proud of herself, he watched her, she visibly squirmed under his regard, Tolls grin broadened and he shook his head. "Now what?" She asked, her eyes holding his, a smile playing on her lips. "Well," he began, "it's up to you." his gaze turning serious he continued, "you can go home if you want," he paused studying her. When she just watched him expectantly, he continued, "or you can come to the Old Point with me."

* * *

><p>Lacey was the first to notice them enter the bar, setting on Lees lap like normal. She startled both him and Barney from their conversation, when she exclaimed, "he brought her with him!"<p>

Mac felt her cheeks redden at expressions of the faces regarding them, Hale's smile broadened, a knowing light in his dark eyes. She felt her own smile broaden in response, her gaze passed over the others, all had varying degrees of friendliness in their eyes, except for Barney. His gaze flat and probing like it was the night she met him. Her thoughts were quickly distracted from him, when the brunette jumped up from .. Well, she really couldn't remember his names lap. Introducing herself as Lacy, and saying her gaze shifting to Toll, "it's about time."

Introductions made again, Mac found herself seated between, Toll and Lacey, the latter had promptly asked Billy if he'd move so she could set next to Mac.

Toll fell into conversation, with the guys, constantly aware of her, Lacey had drawn her into their own conversation.

Amber watched Toll walk in with a women, momentarily shocked, even given all the teasing she'd heard and Gunnar's adamant assurance, there was a girl in Roads life, she'd doubted it. When she recovered from her surprise she recognized her from several months ago, he'd set at a table talking with her for a long while. She had wondered at one point, if there really was a girl, if she was it. But judging from the way they looked at each other there really was. A smile tugged at her lips, good for him, she thought. Contrary to what Gunnar thought she wasn't smitten with Road, in the beginning maybe, he was physically attractive if you liked impossibly large, scarred men. Which he defiantly was, but it was his shyness that had attracted her and that amazing smile. Her real issue was Gunnar himself. She left the bar making her way toward the table where they all sat.

" Mac." Toll said drawing her attention from Lacey, she smiled at him noticing the waitress standing between them. "do you want a drink?" He asked pulling her gaze back to him, she smiled, her attention turning to the pretty red-haired waitress. "Bud bottle," she said with a friendly smile, the waitress returned that smile, her gaze straying over Macs head. Her eyes quickly came back, "I'll be right back." She said.

Macs turned her attention back to Toll, when Lacey excused herself to go to the bathroom. She watched him, that soft warm feeling spreading through her body. She felt so incredibly grateful for this day as she studied his profile, her eyes drifting further down his body. Down his thick neck, along the thickly corded muscle of bicep and arm, thinking momentarily about those muscles, bunching and flexing, while he climbed that wall. Snap out of it... She told herself, as heat began to pool in her stomach. Face flushed, her eyes quickly came back to his face, to find his eyes on her. Their gazes held and Mac felt her cheeks redden more, the look in his green eyes told her his thoughts weren't exactly pure either. Mac felt her pulse quicken and her breath catch. Hale's voice entered the haze surrounding her, "knock it off." He said, bringing Macs attention to him, he watched her amused, Macs face turned bright red. "I'm trying to have a conversation here, and you aren't helping." She dropped her gaze, then glanced at Toll after a moment, meeting his gaze, he looked a little uncomfortable, she noted.

Tool saved her composure and the day, as he asked her, how she'd been. She smiled at him warmly, giving him a thankful look.

Their wasn't anyone at the table that didn't witness the silent exchange between the two. Barney was the only one, however that it seemed to bother, everyone else watched them in amusement. Barney watched her, converse with Tool, soon everyone had joined in a mutual conversation.

Mac listened to the conversation and banter amused, learning much about the dynamics of the group, Barney, it became obvious was the patriarch, and had a good-natured repertoire going with them all. Hale she already knew as the clown. Billy, seemed a sweat natured, amiable, kid completely out-of-place among his comrades. All in all, they seemed to mesh well, the first time she'd met this odd group of men she'd decided she liked them, tonight wasn't any different. Thoroughly entertained, she laughed, several times so hard her cheeks hurt and her eyes watered.

During a lull in conversation, she turned her attention to Toll and asked, "So how did you meet these guys?" Holding his gaze, her smile soft. His eyes drifted to her lips for a moment then came back to hers, a soft smile of his own dancing around his lips. Before he could answer Hale spoke, steeling Mac attention from him, "I got this. Your friend," he began nodding his head in Tolls direction, eyes alight with amusement and mischief. "Over here, was fighting with a couple guys, about twice his size."

"Really? Why?" She asked, her attention momentarily going back to Toll, her gaze curious. Toll shook his head faintly, a slight smile on his face, his eyes dancing with amusement. Hale spoke up again, drawing Macs attention from Toll a second time. "Someone offended his manhood somehow," he said disdainfully, his eyes twinkling." I don't remember his ear or some shit."

Gunnar spoke drawing Macs attention to him, "his hearing or lack of."

Hale nodded and said, "right, and genius over here." Gesturing toward Toll again,"rather then just speaking up so the guy knew he could hear, decided to punch him instead."

Gunnar laughed, "yeah, I think he was having a bad day." Hale nodded and laughed, "ya I thought it was some funny shit but Tool suggested we help him out." At this point Toll spoke up pulling her amused gaze back to him, "I didn't need any help, they weren't that big." Hale scoffed giving him a disbelieving look, "whatever you were getting your ass beat." Gunnar chimed in again, "ass beating, sounds right." Hale's gaze moved to Gunnar an indignant expression on his face, "I'm the one telling this story," he began his gaze traveling back to Mac, with a shake of his head, "anyway, Barney stepped in to even the odds and after that," he continued disparagingly, "he just kept popping up like a fucking, bad penny."

"Oh," Mac said, an amused smile on her face, the look in Hale's eyes letting her know he wasn't quite done yet. "Yeah, ya know,he actually had some hair then." Mac laughed faintly at his expression and the sever tone of his voice. Gunnar spoke up, "not much though."

"That's... Fortunate I.. Guess..." Mac said, not knowing what to say, laughter in her voice. Gunnar shook his head, his gaze serious, "not so much." Hale opened his mouth, his eyes full of laughter but Toll cut him off, "are you two done yet?" He asked rhetorically, Macs gaze travelled back to him. His eyes full of laughter and amusement, his gaze coming to her, she smiled at him, her eyes traveling over his face. Toll smiled in return, holding her gaze. Macs eyes softened, as they held each other's gazes, her smile turning secretive. Lacey spoke to her, pulling her attention from him.

Toll watched her, even though he couldn't see her face, his eyes traveling down her back, maybe, he decided he didn't mind being the brunt of the joke if it meant she looked at him like that.

Mac only partly listened to Lacey, her awareness of him setting beside her made it difficult to focus on the conversation. Her senses tuned into him, listening for his voice or laughter. A fact which she believed Lacey was fully aware of. After today Mac knew she'd never be able to let this go, she'd fallen for him, for better or worse.

* * *

><p>Toll left the bar with her awhile later, she settled on his bike behind him, her arms wrapping loosely around his waist. He started his bike and pulled onto the street, his body tightened hard, when he felt her wrap her arms snugly around him and her body to press into his back. Concerned she might be cold, he almost pulled over to ask her but something stopped him. He allowed himself to relax as much as possible feeling her little body pressed against his. Suddenly, very glad, when he'd taken them home to change he'd brought his bike to the bar. She stayed pressed against him until he pulled into her driveway.<p>

When she pulled her arms from him, he stood reaching back and taking her arm, to steady her as she got off the bike. When he let go, she removed her helmet, and handed it to him. Not meeting his gaze. He removed his own helmet placing them both on the bike and walked with her toward the house. She hadn't looked at him but Toll watched her, his body tightening. They stopped in front of her door, she dug in her coat for her keys, and unlocked the door, before her attention came to him. She turned looking up at him slowly.

Mac looked up at him slowly, her eyes drifting up his body and over his face, "thank you." She began meeting his eyes, blushing, she bit her lip. Feeling breathless she continued, "For all of it, for... Spending the day with me.. For the rock climbing.. Taking me with you tonight. " Her gaze dropping from him shyly.

Toll struggled a moment, wanting to touch her, he froze instantly, when she stepped closer and slid her arms around his waist. He barely had time to register her arms around him and she pulled back, hiding her face from him. She turned and hurried through the door, pausing just before she shut it. Her eyes travelled across his face, pausing on his lips, then continued up until they held his eyes, "I didn't ask you to come with me for your bike, Garret." She said, her voice soft and meaningful, quickly shutting the door and disappearing inside.

* * *

><p>When Toll awoke the next morning, Mac was the first thought he had. His mind instantly starting to relive the events of yesterday. The thought of her, brought back some uncertainty but nothing like yesterday morning, when he awoke with her on his mind.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I<strong>


	20. Chapter 19

**Staring at the bottom of your glass**

**Hoping one day you'll make a dream last**

**But dreams come slow and they go so fast - Passanger**

* * *

><p>The sunlight streaming through her bedroom windows woke her up, a soft smile lighting her face before she'd even opened her eyes. Toll, her mind whispered. As she opened her eyes, memories of yesterday filled her head, her body growing warm. She bit her lip. She looked around the room, instantly noting the late hour, she set up, the movement making her groan. Her chest and biceps felt sore, glancing at the clock, it was nearly eight already.<p>

She wouldn't be running this morning, that thought made her wonder if Toll ran this morning. Swinging her legs out of bed and standing up, her lower body protested also. Instantly curious if Toll was sore this morning, she quickly dismissed the idea. A blush staining her cheeks, remembering how he'd climbed the wall with ease. And how he felt with her arms wrapped around him, she nipped her bottom lip, her blush deepening. Something told her his large muscular body just might be better conditioned than hers. If he was sore at all, it wasn't to the degree she was.

Entering the bathroom, she walked to the tub opting for a bath in the jet tub, instead of showering. Her mind still on him, thinking about the feel of his solid chest when she impulsively hugged him. The way he'd looked at her, several times yesterday made her body tingle. And that coupled with the knowledge he'd given her something yesterday, staying with her the entire day. Had Mac afraid she might have lost herself completely. Her chest tightened and her thoughts ran away with themselves, she wondered again what it would be like to belong to him. To feel his lips on hers and his long fingers traveling across her skin. A shudder passed down her spine, her skin becoming tight and sensitive and heat began to settle in her abdomen. Shaking her head violently, she stopped her thoughts. No matter how badly she wanted something more from him, she refused to fantasize about him.

Instead, focusing her thoughts on Liam and trying to repair the damaged she'd done. She reached down and turned on the water, and smiled at Goose, whom sat on the floor beside her feet eagerly awaiting her attention.

Toll had left his house at seven-thirty this morning. Last night when Mac had disappeared to the bathroom, Toll asked Barney what he needed. Barney had said he was just stopping by to grab the artillery boxes and ammo cans Toll had. Sensing there might be more to it the just that, he quickly dismissed his curiosity when she reappeared, setting down beside him.

They were all meeting for breakfast in the morning then going the hangar. Toll said he'd bring them with him.

Walking into the Golden Harvest to meet the guys for breakfast, he found her image entering his head again, her soft, bewitching smile and beautiful green eyes gazing up at him. Other memories quickly followed, her arms wrapping snugly around him and her body pressing into his back, the feeling of her hugging him. He'd wanted to keep her close and make her smile and he'd gotten it but at what cost. Confusion setting in, he'd reminded himself they were friends, but the word held little comfort. He'd let his guard down yesterday and lost a little more of himself too her. Spotting Barney, Tool, and very unimpressed looking Lee setting at a table, he walked toward them. No doubt Lees dark mood had a great deal to do with the fact Barney wanted clean the hanger today.

Mac had a stack of invoices to deal with and several phone calls to return, and a very curious Anna when she walked into her office. She had barely set down when Anna appeared in her office doorway

"Ok, so, you didn't come in yesterday, your late today, you have a secretive smirk on your face, and you said you're sore." Anna said, "what conclusion could I draw here, I wonder?" Mac just kept on sorting through the involves on her desk, her smile broadening. "If I didn't know any better I'd say, there's a man involved!" Anna said wryly. Mac looked up at her, and shook her head laughing faintly. "I knew it!" Anna exclaimed, "good for you." She said then asked, "Well?"

"Well what?" Mac asked admitting nothing. "Tell me about him!" Mac smiled at her and said, "I don't know what you are talking about." Anna gave her a disbelieving look, and said "whatever."

* * *

><p>When Barney had asked Toll to wait around after to others left, he'd envisioned a slightly different outcome. He'd known this conversation would be difficult, and he'd also known Toll would most likely be unimpressed. And apparently his careful choosing of words wasn't helping either. Standing there watching Tolls large body tense and his face redden, anger evident in his eyes, he felt shocked by just how much Toll might feel for the girl. He knew she wasn't just a random women and he'd realized last night Tolls feeling for her were developing. But this, it wasn't just having feelings for a girl, this ran deep. Watching Toll he wished he'd never listened to Tool and done this long before now.<p>

He stood staring at Toll at a loss, as how to proceed everything he'd said so far to try, and calm him down hadn't worked. He made the fatal error of referring to her as being flirtatious in his last comment. He watched Toll turn fully toward him a little wary of what he might do. "What the hell are you trying to say?" Toll asked growing more irritated by the moment. Barney met his angered gaze head on. "Just be careful, that's all."

"There's nothing going on between us, for me to be careful about."

"She's a beautiful young women Toll.." Barney began, Toll quickly cut him off, his voice more than angry. "So what, now she too beautiful for me?" Barney shook his head, patience, he reminded himself, he continued, "I didn't say that."

"No? You just said she's a beautiful young women. So, what she's young and beautiful, so she couldn't possibly want someone like me?" Toll nearly yelled. Barney took a deep breath, he might have thought some of those things, but he knew better than to voice them. He'd hoped to avoid this reaction. Barney gave him an exasperated look, not knowing how to sooth Tolls wounded pride. He said carefully, "that's not what I said, Toll." Toll gave him one last angry look, and said, "sure." Then he turned around and stormed out of the hangar.

Furious, and uncertain Toll climbed into his truck, slamming the door behind him. He knew, down deep Barney was very likely, right, why would she want him, after all look at her. He started his truck backing away from the hangar, he began to drive home. His mind jumping from one thing to the next, Barney's words twisting life a knife in his gut. His doubts and uncertainties coming back full force, he felt sick, how could he have been so stupid. Making a fool of himself over a girl, he knew better.

Unbidden, a memory of her standing on the beach yesterday morning came to mind. Her laughter echoing through him, his gut tightened, then the memory of her when he dropped her off last night filled his head. Making him question his uncertainty. He pulled over, bringing up the GPS screen on his stereo, he typed in Sinclair Catering. His heart pounding, he stared at the screen knowing he couldn't do it. His stomach twisting into knots, he wanted to know but he wasn't sure he could risk asking her and possibly loosing her altogether.

Mac smile broadened when she pulled onto the end of the street, seeing Tolls truck at home. All day she'd anticipated getting home, wanting to see him. Thinking that she'd almost certainly see him.

Setting at the island in her kitchen later that night, she began to grow uncertain. She'd texted him an hour and a half ago asking him if he wanted to run with her in the morning and she hadn't received a reply. She reached out and grabbed her phone for what felt the like thousandth time hoping she'd missed a text somehow. Knowing deep down she hadn't, she contemplated texting him again incase he'd missed the text. But she didn't. Chastising, herself she stood up and, started turning off lights and getting ready for bed. She allowed herself to look at her phone one more time before she crawled under the covers. Still no Toll...

Venturing off the beaten track tonight for a drink, Toll decided on the Whalers a seedy bar on the waterfront. The clientele consisted of a handful of women, way past their prime and a few worn old fishermen, add in the three tweakers setting at a table in the and you had quite the mix.

This wouldn't usually be his place of choice but tonight he'd decided on going somewhere he wasn't likely to see anyone he knew. And this was the perfect sort of place, no chance of seeing any of his team mates. Barney had called him, and he'd received several texts from Caesar but he wasn't in the mood. Itching for a fight like he was at the moment, he'd rather not be around any of them.

He walked into the dimly lit filthy bar and promptly set down on a corner stool, ordered a whiskey and here he'd set for the last three hours. Nursing one drink after another, trying to forget his own stupidity. Why had he ever allowed himself to start hoping and believing she wanted him. As mad as he was, he couldn't help but be glad Barney had been enough of a friend to speak up. Before he'd done something dumb.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, pulling it out expecting another text from Hale. His hand tightened around the phone when he saw it was her. His heart beat picking up even as he felt that knife in the gut sensation. Pathetic, he thought, all you have to do is see her name on your phone and your heart starts racing. You turn into that stupid, starry-eyed boy, he thought with self loathing. He downed the rest of the whiskey in his glass, and ordered another one promptly. Maybe he could drink her away tonight. Shoving his phone back in his pocket, he decided to do just that.

On his way home Billy decided to take a different route than normal. It was a beautiful night so he drove along the water front, passing by the docks and ship yards.

Passing threw a particularly undesirable piece of the waterfront district. He spotted Tolls bike setting outside the Whalers, feeling slightly surprised. He knew if Toll chose this local to visit tonight he had a reason, something still promoted him to stop. He turned around and parked his bike. Entering the dimly lit, smoke-filled interior, he had to give his eyes a moment to adjust. He spotted Toll setting at the end of the bar, walking over he set down on the stool beside him. Tolls glassy eyes turned to him, "Kid." He said after a moment. Billy looked at him taken aback, momentarily, having never seen his quiet teammate quite so obviously drunk before, it took him a minute to respond.

Toll, it became obvious, quickly, wasn't in the talking mood, not that he ever had much to say. But something about his demeanor tonight put Billy on alert fast. Even before he'd informed Billy he wasn't in the talking mood, but to feel free to order a beer and hangout. Noting Tolls obvious dark mood and edginess, he ordered a beer and sat silently. Watching Road down two more glasses of whiskey before he'd finished his beer.

Toll awoke the next morning with a throbbing head, and nasty tasting mouth. The rancid smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke filling his nostrils. He opened his eyes only to shut them instantly, the light from the windows causing his head to throb more. Opening them again and setting up carefully, his hand went to the back of his neck to rub the stiff muscles. He looked around, having no idea where he was. It was bedroom but one he didn't recognize. Dread filling his stomach, he cast a glance over his shoulder, relieved to see he was at least alone in the bed and fully dressed.

Then he remembered Billy showing up at the Whalers last night. And him subsequently ending up at his house rather than going home. It had become painfully evident he couldn't get himself home last night when they'd left the bar. Embarrassed, he shook his head, uncertain which would have been more embarrassing, waking up with one of the women from the bar this morning or waking up at Billy's. He quickly decided Billy's house, the better of the two. With a sigh, he ran his hands over his face, "Mac," he said, his voice barely above a whisper, as he remembered just why he'd gotten so drunk last night. His stomach instantly knotting up. He stared at the floor a moment lost in thought, she'd texted him last night. Hoping he didn't text her back in his drunken state he looked around for his jacket. Spotting it on the end of the bed he reached over and grabbed it, then pulled his phone from the pocket. He flipped it open and read her text. Do you want to run in the morning? Thank god, he hadn't responded. Not sure what he'd have said. He spotted his boots on the floor by the bed, he leaned down and picked them up.

After dressing his feet he exited the bedroom, finding Billy in the kitchen, he said an awkward goodbye and stumbled through asking him to keep the events of last night to himself, then headed home. The bright sunlight sending a shooting pain through his head, he could have asked Billy for some aspirin or something but he didn't.

Once again, Toll filled her head before she'd even opened her eyes, when she did open her eyes, she stared at the ceiling, for just a moment. Turning her head she looked at her cell where it lay on the bed beside her. She reached for it, uncertainty filling her. She knew before she touched her phone what she'd find.. So, she wasn't surprised when nothing greeted her. It surprised her however, around eleven when she got a text from him that said. Sorry, about not answering last night. I'm gonna be really busy the next few days before we leave town again, I'll see you when I get back.

Toll had agonized all morning, wanting to text her, wanting to see her. As much as he wanted that, the knowledge of his own stupidity repelled him from it at the same time. Finally around eleven he gave in. He had no idea what to text her, as much as he wanted to see her, now wasn't the time. So he'd texted her a fabricated excuse and told her he'd see her when he got back. Now, he just hoped they had a job on Monday, he got his wish and then some. Later that day he received a text from Barney they were leaving Saturday. For once glad downtime got cut short.

He walked into Tools later that day for the briefing,late. Hale had caught his eye, the look in his eyes saying he was getting ready to start in on him. Toll shot him a look that more than conveyed he wasn't in the mood, and whatever Hale was about to say died on his tongue. He left as soon as Barney finished, not caring to stick around. He kept to himself till Saturday, he needed the distance, to get past all of it.

When they met at the hangar Saturday, he was feeling better. Well, about being around Barney and the guys anyway. Mac he still wasn't so certain about...

Mac had told herself, when she received that text from him not to read too much into it, but as two days passed and she didn't even see him in passing it began to seem conspicuous. She felt certain he was avoiding her again. Her mind refused to cooperate and just leave it be like she wanted, it seemed determined to relive every moment of the day they'd spent together. Over analyzing everything looking for a reason... Saturday mid morning when she left for a job, his truck wasn't home. When Monday rolled around and she still hadn't seen his truck, she found herself irritated, no matter how stupid it might sound. Even if he was avoiding her, he could have texted her at least to say by.


	21. Chapter 20

**Firstly, I need to say thanks, Gail your amazing! Kendra thanks you've been patient and helpful, you're both amazing. Really I don't know what I'd do if i didn't have both of your support! Probably give up. ;-) **

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><p><strong>What's your all time high, your good as it gets? <strong>** - Blake Shelton**

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><p>One thing he learned very quickly about extraction missions in the desert, they were hands down the worst kind. Conditions horrible, cover minimal, and more than a few hours in the direct sun, meant possibilities like heat stroke, dehydration, and sometimes death. Not to mention the sandstorms that just appeared, or the fucking scorpions. The babies were the ones you had to watch for, they couldn't control their venom. Getting stung by one on them, could mean death, he carried a sting kit with him just for that reason.<p>

He'd spent his fair share of time in the middle eastern deserts, some during his army days but mostly since he'd become a merc. He'd spent most of his military career in Europe, he'd been deployed first to Berlin to help police the population and riots after the wall came down. He'd rather be there now, this god forsaken desert terrain didn't improve or grow on him with time. Especially not when one hundred and eighteen kilometers north a civil war raged.

There was a good reason the indigenous population dressed as they did, but unfortunately that wasn't an option for men in their line of work. Desert fatigues didn't help either, the thickness of the material, causing them to sweat more. The problem with sweating in the desert was, it all evaporated before it hardly left your pores. So, it made it difficult to tell if your electrolyte intake was as high as needed.

And this time, they had already baked in the sun, and bathed in the sand for three days. Nothing had gone right since they'd arrived in Syria, the intelligence had been wrong, actually, it had been right but it changed. They'd moved the guy they'd been sent here to get, changing things. Placing him at facility deeper in the desert.

So, here he found himself, laying atop a giant sand dune, Minox binoculars trained on the building, a half a kilometer away. The desert sun, beating down on his back, burning his skin through the thin material of his grey t-shirt. He opted for removing his Kevlar, the heavy black material only adding to the impossible conditions. Dropping his binoculars from his eyes, he instantly had to squint, the glare of the hot Syrian sun hitting the sand, blinding him for a moment. He inched his body backwards, crawling down the dune, to where Caesar set a few feet away, under some makeshift cover. "Anything?" Caesar asked from where he sat reclining against the dunes face. "No." Toll replied, flipping his body into a sitting position. He reached for the canteen setting by his feet.

"Man this sucks," Hale said into the silence. His comment met with def ears, Hale looked at him. Toll set staring off across the desert, lost in space somewhere. His forearm resting on his bent knee, canteen in hand, his eyes squinting against the glare. Hale repeated, "man, this sucks." Tolls turned his head and looked at him, nodding slightly in acknowledgment. Turning his head away from him again, he took another drink from his canteen. Then he rolled over onto his knees and began his climb back up the dune, it wasn't long and Hale joined him.

After a moment asking the question Toll knew he'd been wanting to ask since Saturday, "how's Mac?" Toll didn't answer right away, after a moment he said, "fine." Seven days, that's how long since he'd seen her. Part of him wished he'd made the effort or allowed himself to see her before he came to this shit hole. He'd had to remind himself frequently distancing himself was the best idea. Barney's voice came over the mic, "Toll Road, Caesar, you got anything?"

"No," Toll answered, Barney's voice at the moment, seeming an ominous warning. Don't let yourself get taken, it seemed to say.

Hale studied Road a moment, he didn't know what had happened all he knew for certain was Toll was acting even more introverted than normal. Six days ago, Barney had told him if Toll wasn't answering his phone, that probably meant he didn't want to talk, so leave it be. But judging from his black mood the next day and the dark cloud that had followed him ever since he'd showed up at the hangar on Saturday, Hale had started to think there might be trouble in paradise. Deciding quickly the topic of Mac might be a touchy subject at present. Twenty minutes later, Barney pulled them all back, heading back to the town if you could call it that, where they'd stayed last night. They'd go in and get the journalist tonight, if everything went as planned they'd be heading home tomorrow.

On the trip back they passed through the ruins of ancient city of Palmyra, Barney stopped the worn old jeep they procured for transportation, on the dunes just outside of the city. He climbed out taking his camera with him. Toll watched him, a thought occurring to him, he climbed out also. He pulled out his phone and snapped a couple quick pictures of his own, reaching down and picking up a red pebble that lay amidst the sand, he stuffed it in his pocket.

Liam, true to his word had that talk with Neal, showing up at her house Saturday night, judging by the fading bruise on Liam's jaw the talk had been a physical one. She wasn't really surprised. Liam told her to steer clear of Neal. He didn't trust him at all and cautioned her not to take him at his word. Mac listened to everything he said, hearing the warning in his voice. Assuring him she would be careful. Beth, right as usual had said Liam wouldn't stay mad at her for long, but it wasn't the anger that troubled her. It was the knowledge Liam felt disappointed in her that hurt, he felt it was his duty to protect her and he couldn't do that if she didn't let him..

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><p>He's home! She thought to herself a smile instantly appearing on her lips at the sight of Tolls truck setting his yard. Happiness filling her, he said he see her when he got home. All the nagging doubt of the last week forgotten, evaporating almost instantly. Calm down she told herself, you haven't even laid eyes on him yet. She considered, for just a moment, walking to his house and knocking on his door but told herself he'd come find her or text her when he had time.<p>

Mac waited the entire first day after she noticed he'd gotten home for him to find her. When he didn't, that sickening feeling of unease she carried in the pit of stomach for a week, worsened. Reminding herself she had no claim to his time or person, she assured herself he'd come find her when he had time. But her traitorous mind wouldn't stop obsessing about why he hadn't contacted her. He'd said, I'll see you when I get back. It had only been a day after all.

Toll wanted to see her, like always but he still wasn't ready. He knew he wouldn't be able to put it off much longer. His disgust with himself had only grown, his inability to shake her, making his disgust turn to self loathing. He hadn't known her long enough for all of this he tried to tell himself, it wasn't the first time he'd felt the self-hatred that could come from a women. Luckily, he hadn't done what he'd really wanted to do and kissed her. As it set, he could and would extract himself from this infatuation with her. Hopefully, still able to have a friendship with her. It's was because of that friendship, he knew he couldn't keep avoiding her, he told her he'd see her when he got back. And that had happened two days ago. Telling himself to man up, rub some dirt in it, and grin and bear it, along with any other he corny saying he could think of. He got on his bike and headed to Tools to meet the guys, telling himself he'd find her tonight or tomorrow.

Macs heart sank when she didn't hear from him, she knew he was home. Leaning back in her chair, she reached up and ran her fingers through her hair. She been so preoccupied with his return, she waited anxiously, even going so far as to walk to the end of her driveway, a few times. For no apparent reason other than to see if he was home. Recognizing her actions for what they were, made her feel vulnerable, in away she never had.

It had taken her very little time to realize she had fallen completely and maybe irrevocably. And it was that knowledge, that kept her from searching him out. Never before had a man who made her feel so at a loss, so uncertain of herself, made her fear rejection. She supposed sardonically, that if this was going to happen to her. It would be because of a quiet, brooding man, whose intensity and watchful eyes put her at a loss. Something inside her as always, of late, correcting that thought. Telling her not to generalize him, it wouldn't be just any quiet, reticent man affecting her this way. It was Toll.. That admittance, pulling at something in the vicinity of her heart. Turning her attention back to the present, she refused to set lost in him any longer. Digging through the stack of papers on her desk.

Unable to sit, she stood grabbing her keys from the desk, and headed out of the office. She knew Liam would caution her, but right now, she needed Jake, he understood her better than anyone else. She hadn't called him in a while, taking Liam's advice to heart but at the moment. Well, he was the only one that would understand.

Driving her jeep to the nearest beach she parked and climbed out, walking to the surf. the feel of the spray against her face, and the smell of the salt air, having a calming effect, she pulled her cell from her pocket. Hesitating a moment, she called Jake. Hoping against hope he answered. When his voice came on the other end, she knew she'd made the right choice. She'd eventually gotten to the point at hand, after she'd talked about Neal being back. By the time she finished, she could tell Jake didn't know what to say. When he did eventually form a sentence he said, "so, to quote Blake Shelton, he's your all time high?" Mac smiled faintly at his reference, something shifting inside her. "Yeah, I guess, maybe, I've never thought of him in those terms." Her voice faint, Jake chuckled and said, "well little sister, go get your man."

"It's not that easy."

"It is, what it is, Mac. At least ask him what's wrong, I know you, you'll drive yourself nuts. Maybe you could start by telling him about Neal."

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><p><strong>What's the greatest chapter in your book?<strong>


	22. Chapter 21

**What's your double dare, your go all in?**

**The craziest thing you ever did?**

**- Blake Shelton**

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><p>After she got off the phone, she set staring at the waves. Chewing on her bottom lip, her nerves dancing, refusing to stay still. But despite how on edge the idea of talking to him made her, she knew Jake was right. And she knew she needed to find him herself, he wasn't going to come to her. She stood up brushing the sand from the butt of her pants. But first she needed to go back to the office, Anna had called her twice, while she was talking to Jake. She'd left without an explanation, and she had some work she needed to finish. Finishing up as quickly as possible, she then went directly home. His truck set in his yard but she had no way of knowing if he was home.<p>

Mac, set at the island, staring at the screen on her phone. She had set there for what felt like an hour, hands trembling, this was it, if she did this there would be no going back. Once she set things in motion... You want to know, she reminded herself. But she also knew if he didn't feel the same, it would destroy everything, with some men it wouldn't, but Toll, something told her would over think it... Uncertain herself, how she'd handle rejection from him, if it happened, she shook her head. In fact, at this moment the only thing she felt at all certain about was, the fact she needed to know. There was always a certain amount of risk in these instances, the risk made greater by the depth of what you felt.. And her feelings weren't faint but still it was a risk she had to take. He was what she wanted... Unable to shove her worries and fears aside, she texted him, before she lost her nerve. She quickly tapped out. Hey, I need to talk to you... Staring at the screen for a full two minutes before she could get her shaking fingers to push send. Instantly worrying about the way she'd worded the text. It would have been better if she'd simply asked, if they could talk.. Need, seemed to imply something. The last thing she wanted to do was, put him on edge.. There wasn't any use worrying, over her hastily chosen words now, it was too late for that. She laid her phone down on the counter, and waited. Not knowing what to expect. Part of her afraid he'd ignore her text or worse, they'd talk and he wouldn't feel the same. After a second she got up, she couldn't set there and wait, it would drive her nuts. She wandered to her office, taking her phone with her. She set down at her desk, checking her phone, unable to prevent herself, even though she knew he hadn't responded yet. Still feeling anxious, she told herself to knock it off. At least until she'd heard from him, she could wait until then, to let her imagination run wild, she attempted to tell herself. Her brain and nerves had other plans, however.

Toll set straddling his bike, his muscular arms folded over his wide chest, beer in hand. Listening, only partially to Christmas and Barney's good-natured banter. Both apparently in the mood to irritate the other, normally he'd be amused but not today. Nothing much amused him lately, it wasn't entirely her fault either, it was everything. That discontent he'd felt so keenly a few months ago, had come back. Bringing with it reality, this situation he'd created himself, he should have seen all of this coming. He'd cautioned himself when he'd thought her younger than she was. Telling himself it would only end badly if he fell for a women half his age. Finding out that she was near thirty shouldn't have changed things so much but he'd allowed the knowledge to ease some of his fears. He used it as a buffer, allowing himself to fall... The age difference wasn't a little one, honestly it made him old enough... He stopped the thought. Then told himself her age really didn't matter anymore, it never had, she wasn't his. Nor would she ever be. It had brought up other issues as well, bringing up hurts long-buried, reminding him what had happened in the past.

His phone vibrated, bringing him out of his stupor, he leaned back shoving his hand in his pocket. He pulled out his phone, not really surprised to see her name on the screen. After all, everyone that would text him besides her was in the same room as him. But still his heart started racing, for a moment he set with his phone in his hand. Fist tightened around it, he looked around, no one had noticed. His gaze traveling to Barney for a second, knowing his longtime boss and friend would likely tell him to ignore it. Even given all the revelations he had recently, he knew he wouldn't, loosening his fist, he flipped it open, the text said, hey, I need to talk to you...

After fifteen minutes when she still hadn't received an answer, she felt that unease settle in her stomach. Reminding herself, it had only been fifteen minutes. If she had to, she'd wait till she knew he was home and go find him, one way or another they were having this conversation. I didn't matter how uneasy it made her, they were going to clear the air.

Toll finished his beer, he threw his empty into a nearby trash can. Grabbing his helmet from his handle bars and putting it on, he announced to everyone in general he was out of there. Starting his bike, he rode out of the shop. He didn't know where he might go, just that he needed to leave.

Tool, busy working on a sketch when Toll made his announcement, sat back in his chair watching him ride off. He took of his glasses, rubbing the leg across his bottom lip. His gaze traveling to Barney, a thoughtful look on his face. He hoped again Barney had known what he was doing, when he had that talk with Road. He knew Barney had done what he'd done because he worried, and wanted to protect Toll Road but Tool still didn't think he'd done him a favor. He hadn't thought in the beginning Barney was right and he still didn't think it now. He hoped that they figured it out, before Toll lost his chance, maybe, his last chance for happiness. Barney met his gaze, there eyes held for a moment, then Tools attention, went back to the sketch on the desk.

Tool was aware that Barney had approached him set down a stool across from, not bothering to look up when Barney asked quietly, "you think I did the wrong thing?" Tool pen stopped on the paper for a moment, then he said, "its done now, brother."

When she heard the knock on her door, her heart started pounding and her hands began to shake. Hoping desperately it was him, so nervous her mind couldn't even voice his name, she hollered "just a minute." Her voice sounding shaky and nervous to her. She put Goose, who was presently running back and forth between her and the front door excited by the prospect of company, outside.

She paused, taking a deep breath to settle the nervous shivers running across her skin, then hurried to the front door. Reminding herself she didn't even know that it was him. Her stomach churned anyway and her hands shook, shed never been as nervous as she was when her hand touched the door knob. Taking one last deep breath to calm her nerves and collect herself, she unlocked the door and opened it.

She found herself staring into a pair of glassy grey blue eyes. Her heartbeat escalated even higher, a different sort of uncertainty filling her. "Neal," she said shocked. Her eyes traveled over the fading bruises lining his jaw, her uncertainty being replaced with apprehension, he been drinking... He stepped into the house, giving her no choice but to step back.

Noting, her apparent unease as she stepped back, he tried to put her at ease, putting his hands up, "I just want to talk." He said his speech slightly slurred. "You need to leave." She said, moving so there was chair between them. Ignoring her words, he said again, "I want to talk," his voice coming out pleading. "You need to go, Neal, your drunk and it's not an option." He gave her a pathetic look, "I know I hurt you Mac, just give me a chance to explain." He entreated, moving further into the room. "You already had one," she stated, growing more weary of him, her gaze straying to closet on the other side of him. Knowing she couldn't use the shotgun hidden inside even if she could reach the door. Her dad's words echoing in her mind, you never pull a gun on someone unless you plan to use it. Her eyes came back to his. Almost instantly, she could see irritation replace the beseeching look of moments ago, "so what, you get to sick your brother one me, and I don't get a chance to explain anything?" He asked, rhetorically, his voice becoming belligerent.

It all happened very quickly, he accused her of sending Liam to take care of him. After, he'd made sure to come here and let her know he'd stay away. She watched him grow more and more agitated by the moment. Mac tried to reason with him, reminding him, she'd told him she didn't know what Liam would do. All the time her panic rising, she realized after a minute, she would never be able to reason with him. Not with him drunk, if she could just get outside she'd be ok. Calculating, her odds of making it past him and out the door, she knew she stood little chance. He stood too close to the door, she somehow knew in his present state, if she made any sudden movements he'd snap completely. Running toward the back of the house wouldn't work either, he'd chase her and catch her. The only option she could see, being try to get him as far away from the door as possible, at the same time moving herself closer. She pushed down the fear starting to spread inside her, taking a deep breath she knew she needed to remain calm. Believing if she moved, he'd stalk her, she started edging herself around the chair. He followed suit, he advanced while she retreated. She saw her opportunity and took it.

The last thing she remembered was her foot catching on the floor runner, she started falling forward, her hands going out in front of her and Neal's hand grabbing her shoulder but only getting her shirt. She felt the material of her shirt give way, then everything went black.

Neal instantly sobered, the moment Macs head hit the newel post. Kneeling down beside her, he gently rolled her over. Brushing her hair off her face, he noted the lump already forming on her right temple. He shook her, saying her name, she just moaned softly. Staring down at her, lying prone on the floor, the gravity of the situation hit him. What the fuck had he done, his eyes traveled across her face, "Mac," he said again, shaking her. He'd just wanted to talk to her.. When she didn't wake a second time, an even heavier fear settled in his stomach. He laid her back down, and stood rushing out the door, making sure to shut it behind him.

Mac opened her eyes slowly, blinking repeatedly, it took a moment for them to focus. She moved her head slightly, only for her gaze to go blurry again as a sharp pain shot through her head, she lifted her hand gingerly touching her face. Feeling the swelling on the right side, she asked herself what happened. Wrapping her hand around the newel post, she moved slowly into a sitting position. Both her head and neck protesting her effort. Pain shooting up her neck and through her head, she instantly felt sick to her stomach. Blinking several times again to clear the blurriness from her vision, she looked down noting her torn shirt. Neal! His name hitting her, she carefully looked around trying to piece everything together. He wasn't here. But everything was foggy at the moment, her stomach heaved again as a sharp pain shot through her head.

She turned her body, and using the newel post she pulled herself into a standing position. The edges of her vision going black, she stood still a moment. Her phone, she needed her phone, where was it? She wondered. Kitchen? No that didn't sound right, office? Maybe? Yes, she thought. It took her a few minutes but she made it, her balance and focus becoming better. She set down slowly, not wanting to feel that nauseating dizziness again. She reached out and picked up her phone, still uncertain about what had just happened. She opened her contacts, finding Liam's number, hitting dial.

Toll pulled onto the end of her street planning on going to see her. He'd told himself he just needed to get it over with, but seeing Liam's truck in her driveway he decided he'd wait until she was alone. He'd spent the last hour and a half, preparing himself, needing to make sure he was ready. He knew the first time seeing her would be painful. God he sounded stupid, he thought, you're acting like she's more to you, than she is.

They'd wheeled her immediately into the E.R. the police arriving a short time later, as her memory cleared, she didn't think Neal had meant to hurt her, he'd tried to grab her when she fell. She told the cops and Liam that, she'd told them everything or as much as she could remember. They had listened and took notes, assuring her before they left, she'd know when they arrested him.

When the hospital finally released her it was eleven o'clock at night. They'd wanted to keep her for observation but she'd adamantly refused. She only had a slight concussion, and she hated hospitals. They'd done x-rays and scans. She really didn't know what was worse, talking to the police or all the poking and prodding the doctors and nurses did. Liam took her to her house saying he'd stay there with her, really she just wanted alone time.

But she didn't argue the point, if he wanted to stay the night and help her stay awake so be it. Suddenly thinking about Toll, she asked Liam where her phone was. He grabbed it from one of the cup holders handing it to her. He'd answered, her heart started beating harder, she opened it. I'm home, whenever you want to talk... She stared at her phone, having no idea what to say. She thought about not answering but that wasn't an option. Noting the time on the text said six thirty-three. She thought for a moment confused about how to respond, then texted, I'm so sorry Toll, but something came up. I really want to talk to you. Can I call you in the morning? Then she waited..

A few minutes before they got to her house, her phone buzzed. Yeah...

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><p>Liam, finally let Mac fall asleep around seven am. She'd looked so exhausted and weary all night but the doctor had been specific don't let her sleep. In the beginning she been slightly entertaining. The combination, painkillers and need to sleep making her goofy. She stood in the bathroom gazing at her reflection, making fun of herself, although he'd been amused he really didn't find it funny in the least.<p>

He set on the other end of the couch, watching her sleep for a bit. His eyes running over her bruised and swollen face, her abused flesh a mass of angry colors. Black, blue and purple. It wasn't so bad really, her right eye was black and blue and slightly swollen, the discoloration traveling downward, onto her cheek bone. And fanning out onto her temple, her cheek and side of her face a little puffy. Thankfully the doctor said, she hadn't broken anything.

Liam, himself had, had worse from bar fights. The thought making his fists clenched in anger, this wasn't a bar fight. And it didn't matter that she didn't think Neal meant her harm. He'd still been here, again, and frankly Liam didn't care, he'd warned Neal...

The cops still hadn't caught the bastard, and Mac said they wouldn't. Assuring Liam he'd already left town. Anger welling inside him, she'd remained adamant in the fact, she didn't believe Neal had planned on this. Saying, he'd been drinking, she didn't think he knew what he was doing. Reminding him Neal had reached for her when she fell. But he had to ask himself what kind of man ran from a scene like that. If he hadn't meant her harm, why'd he run off.

Toll awoke at his normal time, he got dressed and decided to run. On edge, wondering what she wanted to talk about. Last night when she didn't text him back quickly he'd began to worry, thinking maybe she was mad because it had taken him so long to finally answer her. Paying him back in kind, for the lengthy spans of time before he'd answered her last two texts. As usual he'd over thought it. Running through all his worries concerning her, reminding himself every other second he'd imposed this silence between them. But mostly that it was for the best. Still when she'd finally answered him hours later, he'd felt relief. Glad to know she wasn't trying to prove a point.

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><p>Mac opened her eyes, setting up carefully, the spicy smell of enchilada sauce filling her nostrils. And making her stomach growl. Liam? Cooking? She questioned herself in disbelief. Her curiosity piqued, she stood up slowly acutely aware of the throbbing in her head and her aching shoulder and neck muscles. She made her way to the kitchen to get some painkillers and see where that smell was coming from.<p>

She stepped into the room to find it empty, her eyes searching out the origin of that smell even as she approached the island to get her pills. Her eyes going to the oven. Beth, she surmised, had to have brought them food, and it was one of her favorites.

She wondered to the sink, grabbing a glass from the cupboard near by, she filled it popped her pills in her mouth and took a drink, swallowing them. Finishing her glass of water, she turned to find Liam leaning against the door frame. A faint smile on his face, "it's about time you woke up, Kameron. It's nearly two o'clock. He teased.

"Oh shit! Really?" Mac said, already heading to the living room to find her phone. She'd asked if she could call him this morning! No,no, no! Liam watched her a moment curious following her into the living room. "What's wrong? Miss a hot date or something?" Macs cheeks reddened, "where's my phone?" She asked ignoring his question. Finding her phone tucked into the couch, she set down turning it on. She missed a few calls, and texts but nothing from Toll.

Questioning calling him at this moment, her original plan had been to use this call to see him. Her hand going to her cheek... Seeing him right now made her nervous, it would be a difficult enough conversation, without all of this to explain also. She knew Jake and Liam both thought, if she wanted him, she needed to tell him about Neal. But it wasn't their story, it was hers, and some stories just weren't easy to tell. She knew she had to call him. But then what? This conversation, she couldn't have over the phone, but she couldn't not call either. And asking him to see her in, oh, about a week when she didn't look like this anymore wasn't going to work either. Suddenly, telling herself to stop acting like this, she stood. Her mind made up, her phone in hand, she glanced at Liam saying, "I need to make a call."

She walked past him and down the hall, through the kitchen and out the back door. Setting down on the edge of the deck, she dialed his number, she had no idea how she might be going to do this or what she might say, she only knew she couldn't put it off. Pick up, pick up! Her mind yelled, wanting to get it over with. When he did her heart raced harder, his voice sounding slightly surprised, "Mac?."


	23. Chapter 22

**And here you go ladies! I'm sorry about the length of this chapter but I couldn't cut it down anymore... **

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><p><strong>And if you ask me, mine would be you. - Blake Shelton<strong>

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><p>Seconds ago she'd been anxious, wanting him to answer, now that he had, she had no idea what to say. She set there for a moment feeling tongue-tied. Doubts coursing through her body, uncertainties voicing themselves. Getting ahold of herself, she reminded herself again, why she had to do this, answering belatedly, "hi." Her voice faint and wavering, then explaining, "I'm so sorry, Toll.. I just woke up."<p>

"It's o.k." The deep, hushed timber off his voice, at the moment, would have normally been reassuring, but not today. Still not certain if this would prove a wise decision but knowing she wanted to see him, actually, she needed to see him. She still found herself unable to say it, the words lodged in her throat. She knew if she did this there wouldn't be... Stopping the thought. She took a shaky breath, digging down deep to find her normal courage and asked, "will you come see me?" Then after a pause, she said, "Or can I come see you, maybe?" After what seemed like an extremely long wait, he said. "I'll be there but give me a bit." His voice sounding hesitant to her, "alright." She answered, her own voice coming out hushed. "Give me an hour and a half, Mac. I've got to go meet someone."

"It's fine, I need to shower anyway." She replied, feeling glad for the reprieve but also dreading it. She wanted this over with but at the same time she had no idea how she would explain everything. The time would just give her more opportunity to agonize.

Stomach churning, she stayed in the same position she'd began the conversation in, for several minutes after it ended. Analyzing every word he'd said. Not a thought in her head about anything but him. Not the things she needed to say. Just an image of him, or several images of him running together. A few minutes later she heard his bike start-up, it brought to an end the picture show going on in her head. Her chest tightened. She closed her eyes tightly sending up a reverent prayer, Please, let me stumble through this and let him feel the same, she silently pleaded.

Toll hung up his phone, then shoved it in his pocket. Confused, he set down on his bike. She was lucky she'd caught him, he'd just put his helmet on when his phone rang. Earlier today he'd cursed himself for a fool, waiting around for her since last night. She hadn't answered his text last night until late, then asked if she could call him this morning, then didn't. He knew her brother was with her, his truck had been there last night, and this morning. And he'd tried to reassure himself, if she wasn't calling there was a reason. Instead of feeling concern, he'd allowed the thought, that she played some game with him, take hold. Trying to make him pay for not being around, but hearing her voice just now, he found himself worried, something was wrong.

He'd allowed Barney's words to manifest in the last week and a half, like normal reading between the lines and looking for a hidden meaning. Instead of just leaving it at she wasn't interested, he'd driven himself crazy. He reminded himself as he started his bike, she hadn't done anything, this situation was of his own making.

After she went back inside, Liam told her they'd arrested Neal earlier today or that he'd turned himself in and that Liam had called their parents. Mac felt utter and complete shock when Liam told her Neal had turned himself in. She'd honestly thought he'd run away and hideout like he had in the past. Liam had sagely added, he'd probably done it out of fear. Mac wasn't sure what she thought about his reasons but it made her feel better, knowing she'd not have to worry about him, at least for a while. Liam talking to their parents, that was another thing entirely. When she decided to get the cops involved this time, she had done it for a few reasons. One being, she felt apprehension over what Liam would do. Two, as much as she didn't think he'd planned to harm her, she knew if she hadn't fallen he would have. That was if she didn't make it out the door. Three, Liam was right, by not going to the cops before she'd made herself a victim and four, Neal apparently didn't know enough to keep his distance. She'd known she had to tell them, the operative word here being, she. It made her mad, this wasn't Liam's story, it was hers. But she didn't reprimand him, she understood why he'd feel compelled to do it.

She made excuses to Liam, telling him she had company coming and she didn't need or want him here. He'd teased her guessing instantly what that meant. She'd still hurried him out the door, face red, him assuring her he'd be back later, or maybe not at all, he teased giving her a knowing look. Mac checked the time, then called her mom and dad, the conversation had taken longer than she'd wanted but really, how did you cut this conversation short. When they got off the phone she promised to call tomorrow. Now she had less than a half hour to shower and get dressed if he showed up early, he might catch her still in the shower.

Macs heart stopped when she heard the knock, as improbable as it sounded, she knew it did. A half a second later it began pounding furiously, sending the blood pumping through her ears. Calm down, she breathed, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. A voice inside her questioning, if you're this nervous before you've even seen him, how do expect to remain calm enough to have this conversation? Unable to move, she stood rooted to the spot until she heard a second knock. "Just a minute," she hollered, then told Goose to lay down. Forcing her uncooperative limbs to move, she started for the door. Pausing, long enough to cast a disparaging glance at her face in the mirror on the living room wall. Letting out another deep breath, she walked toward the door again. The butterflies that had started dancing in her stomach, when she made the call and then continued, danced harder. She reached the door and stopped, shutting her eyes, she took one more deep breath, and reached for the door knob with a shaking hand.

Mac thought for one second about hiding her face or the right side of her face from his view but what would be the point. She'd worn her hair back to kill the impulse, knowing this would be easier if she just allowed him to see. She opened the door, her hands still shaking, her eyes focused on the ground. "Mac?" He questioned, his voice full of shock and concern. He took a step closer, as she forced her eyes to come to his.

When she opened the door the uncertainty and anxiousness he'd been feeling fled. His eyes skimmed over her face, taking in every inch of battered flesh. Concerned, he questioned, "Mac?" Taking a step closer as her eyes came to his.

The look in his searching eyes, only making her discomfort stronger. She held his gaze, "what," he began, pausing as his worried gaze traveled over her face again. His brow furrowed and his eyes came back to hers,"what happened, Mac?" Caught up in the intensity in his eyes, she didn't respond,"Kamron?" The sound of his voice this time reminding her she needed to gain some control. Shaking her head and pulling her eyes from his, she said, "I fell."

"Fell?" Toll asked skeptically. That had to have been one hell of a fall, he thought to himself. Macs eyes met his again, noting his skepticism, she nodded. "Yeah, yesterday after I texted you."

"How?" He asked his gaze not leaving her, Mac, felt it hard to speak with his gaze on her. Searching, and full of concern, the directness of it, making her inarticulate. Mac dropped her own gaze, to escape the intensity burning in his. "Um, I tripped and fell into the newel post." Giving him part of the truth, a version, really not certain she could tell him more. Especially not if he continued to look at her that way. "How did you trip?," he asked, moving closer again, wanting her to look at him.

Macs couldn't think at all, defiantly not when he stepped closer again. Only a few inches between them, still incapable of meeting his eyes. She stepped back, moving away from him, needing the physical space between them. "Come in," she said to cover her action, flashing a quick glance at him. He took the invitation, his eyes still trained on her. She turned away from him closing the door, and regaining her wits enough to answer, "I tripped on the runner." She finally answered, her gaze coming back to his.

Toll watched her, weighing her answer, instinct told him there was something she wasn't saying. A vital piece of the story she held back, he nearly questioned her but decided to let it go, at least for the moment.

She lifted her gaze again to meet his, feeling awkward. The unsettling look in his eyes, making her already frazzled nerves, more agitated. The agitation, making her want to run and hide.

Tolls watched her closely, there was something largely different about her this afternoon. More than just the bruise marring her pretty face. She appeared... He didn't know, but her eyes were unsettling and she appeared, agitated...

Mac pulled her gaze from him, not knowing where to go from here. She had him here, now what to do with him? This whole thing had sounded so much easier than it was. Just do it, her mind said. Then the same voice said, he's only a man. But he wasn't just a man. The thought causing her cheeks to redden, she took a shaky breath. Forcing her eyes back to his, she saw the concern and confusion there, shoving as much of the awkwardness she felt aside, as possible. Searching for something, anything to say to break this tension she felt, "I passed out, when I came to, I called Liam." Forcing herself to hold his probing gaze, even though she wanted to look anywhere but at him. "and he took me to the E.R."

"What did the doctors say?" He asked, his eyes traveling over the bruise again.

"No concussion and nothing is broke."

All right, she told herself, enough! Stop acting like this! "Are you hungry?" She asked, thinking about the pan of enchiladas in the kitchen. She'd needed something to say, determined to move past some of this awkwardness. He nodded after a minute, and followed her toward the kitchen.

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><p>Toll followed her to the kitchen, taking her offer of food even though he wasn't hungry. But he sensed, she need him to say yes for some reason. And as on edge as she appeared, he'd do whatever he could to put her at ease. Curious, over what it was she had initially wanted to talk with him about but he didn't ask. Something told him to let her work through whatever this was first. His mind drifting to the fact, he knew there was something she still hadn't said. Something he wanted to know.<p>

Mac got him a plate of food, thinking she should probably eat herself but the thought of food wasn't appealing. She picked up his plate, then moved to the drawer where she kept her silverware. Turning toward him, she carried him his plate, handing him his fork, she met his eyes for a moment only. The concern filling them, made her heartbeat pick up, his eyes drifting over the bruise. She turned from him before his eyes came to hers, she moved to the fridge, "water?" She asked, "that's fine." He answered, His eyes drifting slowly down her back, wandering over the thin light blue material of her shirt. Wondering again what she wasn't telling him and why she acted so strange. The strangeness could all be do to her face but that still didn't explain what she wasn't telling him.

When he commented on her not eating, she got herself a plate, she really did need to eat, and it would give her a distraction. As she dished her food, she found the courage to begin, the soothing effect his presence had on her taking effect. "Toll?" She said, his name coming out a question. "Yeah?" He answered. She stood there still struggling, trying to find the words to tell him, to say something she quickly discarded everything that came to mind. She turned meeting his expectant gaze, but only for a second, her eyes drifted to his lips. A hint of a smile played around them, the sight making her stomach flutter. If this works, you're not gonna be able to form a rational thought around this man, she said to herself. She walked back to the island setting down close to him but not too close. Concentrating, on her food for a minute, and growing more and more frustrated with herself and her inability to find a starting point for this conversation. She would think of something and then it would die on her tongue. She couldn't figure out how to say, oh by the way, one of the things I wanted to talk to you about is an abusive ex, who is coincidentally partly to blame for the present condition of my face. Maybe, that voice inside her suggested, it would be easier to start with a question.

"Have.. Have you ever been married?" She asked her face instantly red, she didn't meet his gaze. Embarrassed, it was the first question that came to mind..

Toll watched her, surprised by her question, his eyes scanning as much of her down turned face as he could see. "No." He answered honestly, wondering where this was coming from.

"Have you ever been close?" She asked still not meeting his gaze. Her voice hesitant.

Wishing he could see her face, he didn't answer for minute, he could tell from her tense posture, these questions were important. But how he wasn't certain, "yes," he answered truthfully again. Her eyes came to him but only for a moment, then they traveled across the room. "Me too." She answered faintly, "or I thought I was." Staring across the room, her bright troubled gaze fixed on the wall behind him. He watched her take a deep breath, the light in her eyes changing, like shed decided on something. She began, "Neal and I were together for two years."

Toll listened, at first surprised, his surprise quickly turning to shock then anger. She didn't look at him as she talked, he sensed somehow, not looking at him made this easier for her. He didn't try to draw her gaze, even though he wanted too. Her vulnerability evident in her mannerisms and the tone of her voice as she spoke. She came to a particularly difficult part, in her tale struggling with telling him what happened after she took Neal back. She finally looked at him, her eyes full of hurt and uncertainty. She looked so fragile and weary, Toll had to fight the impulse to reach for her. Wanting desperately to touch her, just pull her to him. The idea of her being hurt like that, making his anger nearly boil over into rage. He wanted to touch her to reassure himself as much as her. Of its own accord his hand went to her arm, his fingers circling her bicep, gently. Then sliding down her arm, he took her small hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

He watched her, her eyes had left his the moment he touched her, following the path of his hand. His chest tightening as he gazed her, the tightness becoming painful when he felt her soft little hand squeeze his in return. His eyes leaving her flushed face and going to where her small hand rested inside of his, he watched as she turned her hand and laced her fingers through his, she let their finger intertwine only for a moment. Quickly pulling her hand back, leaving his empty. The sight of her fingers lacing through his made the protectiveness he already felt manifest ten fold.

Turning her attention from him, she continued her story, skipping over what had happened after six months and the details of what exactly Neal had done to her. As much as he wanted to know, he decided, judging from unwillingness to talk about it, maybe it was best if she didn't tell him. Only saying this time she couldn't keep it from Liam. And that Neal ran off within the hour, heading to Memphis where his uncle lived. Placing himself outside of Liam and Jake's reach. Then correcting herself, explaining she believed, Neal thought by moving to another state it would keep Jake in California and it had. Toll couldn't help but think if he'd known her then, Memphis wouldn't have been far enough to protect Neal from him. Nowhere, would be far enough...

When she finished her story, Toll didn't speak. Her argument with Liam made sense now, and even though he kept it to himself, everything she shared that Liam had said made sense. The only comment he'd made throughout that part, was that he agreed with Liam when he said, by hiding from it, she made herself a victim.

Mac finally returned her eyes to him, studying his features, he hadn't said anything since she stopped talking, his gaze fixed on the floor. She waited, feeling incredibly vulnerable. When his eyes came back to hers, she had no idea what the look in them meant but it made the air leave her lungs. The gentle intensity burning in them coupled with what she thought might be anger, making her antsy. She couldn't hold his gaze, her cheeks flushed, she had to fight the impulse to throw herself into his arms, wanting to bury herself against his muscular chest. Remembering the feel of his hand sliding down her arm, made shiver slither across her skin, the memory of the look on his face at the same moment made her heart constrict. Needing something to do, she stood taking his plate, not meeting his gaze. He reached out and grabbed her arm gently, "Mac," he began, "if he comes near you when he gets out, I want to know." Her eyes slowly met his, the look in them full of meaning and burning intensity, conveying this wasn't up for discussion. She nodded and answered, "alright." His eyes boring into hers, his voice holding a warning, "I mean it, Mac." Her cheeks flushing more, his gaze making her feel small, and at the same time making her chest feel full, she simply nodded. He searched her eyes a moment more, his brow furrowed, he let go of her, apparently convinced she do as he wanted.

He kept his watchful eyes on her as she cleaned up their largely untouched lunch, he knew it had taken a lot for her to tell him any of this. It was obviously something she kept close, and quiet. The uncertainty in her eyes as she talked, made him want to keep her close and erase it all. He wanted to show her, it could and would be alright. God help him he wanted it desperately. Forgetting everything but the fact, she trusted him enough to let him in. He also knew if he hadn't been so stubborn yesterday, he maybe could have stopped it. When she turned looking at him, she looked raw and weak, like everything she'd just told him had exhausted her. When she met his eyes and the words left her lips, there wasnt a chance he'd say no. "Will you stay awhile?"

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><p>They set on the couch, her on one end, leaning against the arm, her legs curled up against her. Goose sleeping half on her lap, half off, his hind legs pushing against Tolls legs, where he set. Honestly, since they'd set down to watch a movie he hadn't paid much attention to it. Watching her instead, the way her animated feature responded to what was happening on the television. And the way her fingers of her left hand, continually rubbed Goose's ribcage, made a soft smile playing around his lips. It was good Goose laid between them, if not he felt certain he lean over and brush that wayward strand of hair behind her ear. Then most likely take her hand in his, he'd liked the feel of her fingers laced through his. He'd meant the gesture as reassuring, shes the one that changed it, made it an intimate thing. He didn't actually know if he'd have to courage to hold her hand but it didn't stop the fantasy. He hadn't forgotten Barney's words but refused to think on them. Setting his own doubts aside for her sake.<p>

When the movie ended, Mac looked at him, her soft smile making his heart pound, her eyes drifting to his lips, "will you tell me about her?" She asked shyly. Toll looked at her confused a minute, then knew what she wanted. Sarah, wasn't something he talked about, along with a lot of other things but he told her things he didn't tell others. After a second more, he nodded his head. Exhaling he began, "I met her in my early thirties, she worked as a teller at my bank. Her name was Sarah." Telling her as much as he could, given the circumstances, leaving out the things he couldn't discuss with her like work.

Mac listened to everything he said, as he talked about her. It was obvious he'd loved her a great deal, but in the end things hadn't worked out. As soft wistful smile playing around his lips, he talked about their life together. The house they'd bought, the plans they'd made, but in the end it wasn't enough. He said, she'd wanted to marry him but he hadn't wanted it. Not elaborating about why, just that he wasn't ready. By the time he'd decided he wanted it also, she hadn't any longer. Mac sensed, there might be a lot he hadn't told her but she let it go. Still the shadow in his eyes made her certain. After that, they watched another movie. She knew he didn't watch much television preferring to stay active, the fact, he was content or at least willing to set here with her, made all those feelings she felt for him dance. She stifled the sudden impulse she felt to move closer, wiggle under his arm and hold his hand.

Mac walked him to the door, a soft smile on her face, not wanting him to go. She wished this wasn't always it, him leaving her, with so much left unsaid between them. But she couldn't find the courage, she'd tried but what she'd already shared left her incapable. "When are you leaving again?" She asked after they stepped on the porch, Toll turned looking down at her, feeling himself fall in under her spell again. His eyes traveled over her face, he couldn't see much in the shadows surrounding them, the light from the windows doing little to reveal anything, where she stood. "Monday," he answered, wanting know why she wanted to know. That soon, her mind whispered, wishing she'd have more time before he left her again. A second later she asked, "can I see you tomorrow?"

Mac lay in bed unable to get comfortable, Liam had, came back as he said he would. Conveniently, she placed herself in bed before he arrived, not wanting to deal with teasing that would surely come. He had stuck his head in her room, assuming she slept, he'd gone to bed. She could hear him snoring away in the room down the hall. Rolling onto her stomach to get comfortable. Her attempt thwarted by thoughts of Toll, knew she'd see him tomorrow but it wasn't good enough, she wanted to see him now. She didn't know if she'd have any courage left when she did see him. She sent up a prayer, that she'd still have the same resolve in the morning. A short time later her meds kicked in and she fell asleep.

Toll lay in bed that night thinking as usual, a war going on inside him. Mad at himself for not going to see what she wanted yesterday. His own selfish actions allowing harm to come to her. It didn't matter how inadvertently. The bastard was lucky he was in jail, if he wasn't Toll would get the point across in away that assured he'd stayed away from her. He wouldn't kill him but he could and would scare the shit out of him and make sure he had trouble walking, maybe for the rest of his life. Mac trusted him enough to tell him everything so he'd make sure the prick didn't come near her again. Not willing to put it in the hands of the courts, call him cynical but restraining orders didn't work and laws didn't protect people. She wasn't his but he'd be damned before, he'd let anything like this happen again.

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><p>She'd texted him early, telling him she was going to breakfast with her brother, his family and her friend Tess, asking if she could come find him when she got back. He told her last night she'd see him today so he answered, he'd be here. Not expecting a reply, an amused smile appeared on his face when she did, make sure you are son. Toll didn't know the text hadn't come from her, that Liam, who took her phone away from her, responding for her as she chased him through the house, or tried too. The action making the dull ache in her head and neck, she woken up with, worse. Therefore putting her at a disadvantage, that's the only reason he got away with it.<p>

Hale had showed up a short time later, weary, like he didn't know what to expect. And Toll couldn't blame him, he hadn't exactly been cordial lately. Yesterday he'd been off also, but that was because he worried about Mac. He told Hale, knowing maybe he shouldn't but he was still so angry. He'd been up most of the night, worrying and thinking. Hale, after he'd recovered from his surprise asked Toll what he was going to do. Toll told him, now the bastard was lucky, being that he was in jail. If he hadn't turned himself in yesterday, he might have killed him. Hale nodded in agreement asking when they'd release him, but Toll wasn't sure. Then informed Hale, he still might have to explain to the fucker, why he needed to stay away from her. Once he got out.

Hale saw her coming, Toll had stepped into the house leaving him alone in the garage, five minutes ago. He froze a moment, the right side of her face covered in an ugly bruise. The sunglasses she had on shielding her eyes from his. He shook his head slightly, kneeling down to pet her dog, who'd bounded past her the moment he saw Caesar. His eyes however staying trained on her, she smiled faintly, "aren't you fancy." He teased, uncoiling his large body so he stood at his full height. Mac removed her sunglasses allowing him to see her face, "it's my new look. What do you think?" She said playfully. Hale shook his head giving her a disparaging look, his voice coming out serious, but his eyes twinkled. "Not so much." She smiled at him. "I heard you had an unfortunate incident with a newel post but I hadn't envisioned that."

"Right." She answered, then asked, "where is he?" Hale gave her a knowing smile, "inside. Tell him, I took off, he can give me a call later or tomorrow, depending on how long you keep him occupied." His words ending on a nefarious note. Mac blushed, but managed to hold his gaze. When he noticed she wasn't going to bite, he continued dramatically as he walked toward his bike, "and, would you please, put the poor man out of misery, he's getting impossible to work with." The shy smile she gave him, after he'd gotten his bike, caused Hale to laugh.

Toll opened the garage door as Hale rode off, looking around the space confused a moment, till he saw her. Standing a few feet away, her green eyes on him. His eyes quickly traveled over that bruise, then met her gaze. She smiled at him expectantly, her eyes on his mouth. He gave her his own expectant look, the hint of a smile playing around his lips. He stepped into the garage, holding her gaze, he walked to the workbench she stood close too. Putting down the tools he'd gone inside to find, all thoughts of adjusting the throttle on his bike gone, he looked down at her. The shared intimacy of yesterday had changed things again, he found himself happy at this moment, to just look at her so he did. His eyes traveling down her upturned face, the bruise made her eyes look brighter. The breeze blowing in the open garage door played in the ends of her long hair. When his eyes came back to hers, the question of what she wanted to do died on his lips. The shyness in theirs depths made him freeze.

Mac stood there watching him as his gaze traveled down her face, pausing on her lips, then traveling down over her chin, along her neck. She felt her pulse rise, there was nothing heated in his eyes but still she felt her body tighten. She knew now was the time, waiting for his eyes to come to hers, when they did the look in them made her breath catch again, it was innocent, as far as looks went but it still made her feel nervous. She dropped her gaze, looking for the courage, knowing without looking his eyes were still on her, the knowledge making her feel tiny and a warmth to spread out from her chest, filling her body. She asked the question she'd wanted to ask for days.

Toll waited, his breathing shallow, something was happening he could feel it. His senses on alert, he stood staring down at her bent head, his body tense, watching the ray of light from the window behind her play in the colors of her hair. Her faint voice met his ears, "could that day we spent together?" Pausing she didn't finish, suddenly wanting to know where this was going, desperately. "Yeah?" He encouraged when she didn't finish, moving closer, wanting her to look at him.

His closer proximity, making this more difficult than it already was, his question and the hushed tone of his voice husky and deep, making her hands shake and her cheeks flush. Taking a deep breath, she continued still unable to meet his eyes, "could it," again she paused catching her breath, "could it have been a date?"

Toll could only stare down at her, breathing difficult, his heart hammering against his ribs. What? His mind voiced, stepping closer still, he wanted her to look at him, please god, he begged. "Is that what you want, Mac?" He asked, his voice sounding tense and alien in his own ears. She simply nodded, still not looking at him, her action caused his heart to skip a beat, still he needed to see her eyes, "look at me, Mac." he said gently, urging her to meet his gaze. Slowly they came to his, making an agonizing trip up his body, when she looked into his eyes, she looked so flustered and uncertain, "yes." She whispered. Her eyes quickly dropping to his chin. She wanted him... His insides clenching, his heart pounding he stood looking down at her in shock. She wanted him, she wanted to be his. That knowledge triggering an almost primal response in him, he started to reach for her then stopped himself, saying, "no." He said no, for two different reasons, the first being, his elemental response to her admission, slightly uneasy about what he'd do, where it would go if he touched her at this second. And secondly because she had it coming, after her teasing him that day about going Dutch.

Mac heard the 'no' leave his lips, her worst fear about this coming true, she'd wanted to know, now she had her answer, he didn't feel the same. Somehow, her legs found the strength to move her from him. Not meeting his gaze or lifting her head she stepped past him, feeling sick to her stomach. Surprised when she felt his hand close around her forearm, she paused still not looking at him, he moved closer and asked, "aren't you even going to ask why?" Glancing up, her eyes only coming to his shoulder, she said, "I'm not sure I want to know." Trying to pull free, he held her arm firmly, she asked, "if I ask why, will you let me go?" He stared down at her knowing he shouldn't play with her, he knew that as much as he knew he wasn't letting go when she asked why. A soft smile on his face, he said, "yes." Her eyes still focused on his shoulder, she said irritated, "fine have it your way. Why?"

"You didn't let me pay for dinner." He said simply. His words registered and Macs shocked gaze shot to him. Breathless, she held his gaze, watching the playfulness fade, being replaced with a look she'd never seen. The nerve endings on every inch of her body coming alive, heat swirling in the pit of her stomach, as he dropped his eyes to her lips. She tried to take a deep breath but couldn't, her mouth going dry at the obvious intent in his gaze, she bit her bottom lip. The only thing she could hear was the ragged sounds of her own breath.

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><p><strong>I am so anxious to know what you all think! <strong>


	24. Chapter 23

**Slàinte! **

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><p>She began to tremble as she felt his calloused fingers, slide up her arm, their rough texture abrading her over sensitive skin. That sensation coupled with the heat of his touch causing a shiver to pass through her. Heightening her already, overwrought senses. When his eyes darkened, she knew he'd felt her reaction also. A sudden uncertainty filled her, the intensity in his eyes becoming unnerving.<p>

His eyes left her mouth, catching her gaze, at the same time using his grip on her upper arm to gently urge her closer. The green of his eyes darker than before. Fighting the sudden compulsion she felt to hide her face, she watched him move closer, even as he lowered his head. Unable, to hold his gaze any longer, she closed her eyes. Aware, he paused a moment, she felt his warm breath fan out across her lips. When his lips did touch hers, the gentleness of the action, caused a period of inaction in her. A soft gasp, involuntarily crossing her lips.

He paused, his lips a breath from hers, and pulled back slightly, his eyes taking one last trip over her face. Then he leaned down, gently brushing his lips across hers. Feeling more than hearing, the breathy gasp that crossed her slightly parted lips. Catching her lower lip between his, he felt her hand come up and mimic his, resting her lite touch on his bicep. His lips played over hers, taken a little off guard by her reaction. When she finally kissed him back, the gentle pressure of her lips moving against his, made his body tighten more than it already had. He kissed her a moment more, then pulled back.

Meeting her gaze as her eyes opened, the bewildered look she gave him, made a soft smile appear on his face. She took a shaky breath, her chest rising and falling rapidly, a faint blush staining her skin. He nearly kissed her again, knowing she'd let him but he reminded himself they'd hopefully have many more instances like this. And there was something he wanted to discuss, before he kissed her again.

Mac opened her eyes, to find his already on her, taking several shaky breaths, watching a soft smile appear on his lips, she ducked her head hiding herself from him. An answering smile appearing on her face. She felt him let go of her arm, his hand going to the back of her head, his fingers threading through her hair. Coaxing her toward him, as his other arm slid around her, pulling her close. Macs snaked her arms between them snuggling against his body, her cheek resting against his muscled chest, she felt his arms tighten around her. It might sound stupid to some but she envisioned him holding her like this so many times. His smell and steady heart beat, eventually helping to calm her some, she snuggled closer still.

He just stood there holding her against his chest, feeling her soft, warm body pressed against him. Thank you, he thought. His cheek, coming to rest on the top of her head. For several minute, he stood there with his arms wrapped around her small frame, allowing his body to grow used to the feel of her. He'd wanted this, but never really allowed himself to think he'd have it. Now here she was, in his arms, she'd wanted this, she wanted him. His smile broadening at the thought of her asking him, his arms tightening around her more. His mind drifting to what he need to address. Breaking their hug, he stepped back, the hand he'd cradled her head with, slid around the side of her face, pausing long enough to brush his thumb over bottom lip. Holding her shy gaze, he felt himself smile again. He dropped his hand away, surprised when he felt her small hand take his.

His eyes left hers and traveled to where her hand lay in his. He curled his fingers around it, returning the gesture. His chest suddenly painfully tight, he stared at her hand in his and began. "Kamron, sweetheart," he paused, weighing the endearment on his tongue, quickly deciding he liked it. Then continued, as his hesitant eyes travelled back to hers, "I think, I need to point out our age difference."

She held his gaze a moment, then let her eyes travel over his face, she knew he wasn't close to her in age but hadn't given it much thought. It just hadn't mattered. "How much?" She asked still unconcerned but she could tell it was important to him. Squeezing her hand, while simultaneously taking a deep breath, he answered. "Twenty-two years." Holding her gaze, his body tense, he watched her eyes widen slightly.

Mac couldn't say, that news didn't leave her slightly shocked, she hadn't thought him that much older, she would have guessed, fifteen or sixteen years, but then again she hadn't cared enough about it, really, to think one way or the other. Instantly her Irish grandmothers voice popped into her head saying, 'the older the violin the sweeter the tune.' And his lips had played a merry tune on hers. The thought causing her to blush deeply, a smile following it onto her face, it didn't matter. Belatedly remembering he was standing there waiting for her answer, she smiled wryly. Remembering his 'no' of earlier, she schooled her features, pasting the most severe look on her face she could manage, at the moment. She began, "I don't know Toll," her gaze traveling back to his. She nearly didn't tease him, the look in his eyes full of nervousness and apprehension. It tugged at her heart-strings. But, the big jackass, had it coming she reminded herself. Continuing, she said, with a shake of her head. "Forgive the pun but that's no little thing." Adding another shake of the head for dramatic emphasis, all the while aware of the fact he looked worried. She continued, her voice more serious, "I'm mean, really, I'd be pushing you around in a wheelchair in no time." She couldn't pull it off any longer, she smiled, that image to absurd, silent laughter began to shake her body.

Seeing her laughter, the sickening feeling he'd been feeling left, pulling his hand from hers, he folded his arms over his chest and gave her skeptical look. If she wanted to play he'd play, "just imagine? He agreed, amused. "Right, I know." She said, nodding her head, "it would be positively dreadful, first you'd end up in a wheelchair." She paused a thoughtful look on her face, still smiling slightly. Then dramatically added, "your sight would go, along with your hearing, then you'd need someone to feed you, imagine the over cooked macaroni I'd have to co..." Toll watched her laughter in his eyes, the little brat thought she was funny. He cut her off, when she started to describe the food. "Are you done yet." She gave him an impish smile, her eyes twinkling, "yeah...I guess so." His look turned serious again, "really Mac, does it bother you?" Her gaze turning soft, she reached out and hesitantly laid her hand on his arm, still a little surprised she _could_ touch him. She stepped closer, "no Toll, it doesn't matter. I never really thought about it, you are slightly older than I would have expected but I don't care." He held her gaze seeing she meant it, the tension he'd felt leaving his body.

Her hand dropping from his arm, she said, still holding his gaze, "but you deserved that." The speculative look in his eyes made her think for one moment he was going to argue, then he simply said, "yeah, I guess." A sudden quiet surrounded them, as Mac held his gaze, the laughter of moments ago melting away. Her eyes drifted to his lips, of their own accord, her mind remembering vividly, the feel of them moving against hers. He'd been so gentle, it had shocked her at first, he'd kissed her like he had all the time in the world. The thought, causing her skin to become sensitive again, she unconsciously drug her teeth over her bottom lip.

Toll watched her, the look on her beautiful face, making his pulse rise. If she continued to stare at his mouth like that, he'd kiss her again. The realization, he _now_ had that right, sent heat coursing through him. The sight of her teeth, pulling across her bottom lip making her fate a certainty.

Mac took a shaky breath, she stood so close to him, the knowledge sending her body into chaos again. Close enough, in fact, she could, if she wanted, just rise up on her toes and brush his lips with hers. The thought, sent a prolonged shiver coursing through her, her mind urging her to do it. And her phone rang. She looked up at him as she pulled her phone out of her back pocket, the look in his eyes, giving her a moment's pause. She had the distinct impression, he was about to kiss her again, or at least felt the same pull, she had.

Glancing down at her phone, she had planned on just hitting ignore until she saw it was her mom. Casting an apologetic glance at him, she said, "sorry Toll, I have to take this, it's my parents."

"It's alright."

His eyes followed her as she turned from him, taking a few steps away, as she answered the phone, "hi?" Followed two seconds later by, "can you hold on just a second, mum?" She turned her gaze back to him as she walked closer, "can I come back?" She asked, her voice unsure. He gave her a slight smile, "yeah." He answered, his gaze traveling over her face, she rewarded him with a sweet smile. Holding his gaze a moment more she said, "alright, I'll be back." Her eyes drifted to his lips, lingering for a moment, before she turned from him and walked away, calling Goose as she went.

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><p>All of this felt so unreal, Mac mused, as she grabbed a jacket and putting it on, left her house. Being near him, she'd thought he made her nervous before. She only left him twenty minutes ago and already she felt a ridiculous amount of nervousness about walking back into his garage. Reminding herself, it was him, he always put her on edge, made her tense, when she wouldn't normally be. That thought, was in no way reassuring at the moment. He wasn't just him any longer...<p>

The way that kiss had affected her wasn't helping either, a shiver running over her skin when she thought about it. Most guys swooped in shoving their tongues down your throat, demonstrating little skill and almost no tact. She found the need to teach them how she wanted it done, but not him. He'd hardly used his tongue at all, his kiss had consisted of... She stopped her thoughts or tried, her traitorous body and mind refusing to let it end. Her brain deciding to replay every second his lips were on hers, in agonizing slowness. The images leaving her in little doubt, that when he did eventually really kiss her, she wouldn't feel the need to teach him a thing.

She found herself at the end of his driveway, completely flustered, feeling absurdly shy and completely at a disadvantage. He, she noticed right away, set squatted down beside his bike, his back to her. Thankful, he was occupied, she took the moment to recover her frazzled wits. Her eyes running over his form appreciatively, a smile playing along her lips, at the knowledge, she'd kissed him less than an hour ago. That thought causing the blush she'd worn since he kissed her to deepen. He chose that moment to look over his shoulder, a smile appearing on his lips, he stood turning toward her.

She began to move toward him as he walked to the garage door, Toll instantly noticed how different she behaved. Her face where it wasn't bruised, turned red, she couldn't seem to hold his gaze either. The smile on his face turning into one of amusement, finding the timidity in her eyes entertaining and endearing. A bright happy smile appeared on her lips. And it's all because of you, a voice inside him said, that thought causing his inner muscles to coil tight. His body tightened more, at the thought of her shy response to his kiss. Get ahold of yourself, his mind warned, then added, you'll have plenty of time to kiss her again later.

Despite her discomfort. Happy, that's how she felt as she walked toward him. A bright smile reflecting that emotion appeared on her face. To prevent the almost certainty of her being tongue-tied within the next two seconds, her pulled her gaze from his. Something in his eyes completely unnerving, and disarming, a new knowledge of her... Her attention going to his bike, curious about what he'd been doing when she walked up, she asked. "What are you doing?" Toll felt his amused smile broaden, knowing fully well why she asked. "Looking at you," he answered, just so he could see her reaction. He watched more color spread across her cheeks, her blush turning darker. Her eyes came to his, the look she gave him full of awareness. Pulling her gaze from his, determined to keep her wits, she said sarcastically, "I'm very aware of that, Toll. I meant, what were you doing when I walked up." He didn't answer, just continued to watch her, an enchanted smile on his face. "Working on my bike," he finally replied.

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><p>Mac ran her fingers down the black leather of his bike seat, the hide feeling soft and warm under her touch. He suggested she set there when he'd began to work on his bike again. It was slightly disconcerting, setting here with him squatted down beside the bike, his head level with her knees. If he noticed, the intimacy of their position he didn't show it. He also didn't appear to notice when every once and awhile, his knuckles would brush the front of her calf. She'd quickly realized, her presence setting on his bike made his work more difficult than it otherwise would be. And she'd asked him if he wanted her to move, he'd just shook his head, saying 'you're fine.' Not even looking at her. So, she'd scooted back as far along the seat as she could and here she set, watching him, her body growing warmer, despite the conversation flowing between them. At her request he explained everything he did as he worked, in detail. And she soaked most of it up, always curious about the working parts of any engine. But what she really wished he'd do, what she wanted him to do, was stand up and kiss her again. The butterflies she always felt in his presence, fluttering their wings harder. Heat joining the butterflies in her stomach, to swirl around, then dropping lower into her abdomen.<p>

A few minutes later, he stood, saying "Start it up," taking Mac by surprise, she drug herself from her thoughts and smiled at him. He gave her an expectant look, his eyes twinkling a smile tugging at his lips. "Do I need to show you what to do?" He asked. Mac smiled, and shook her head, her attention going to his bike. "I think I can manage." She said, turning on the key and pushing the start button. Toll watched her a smile on his face, his chest tightening, his mind unable to put words to what he felt. Just the knowledge, that she'd done what she did, that she wanted him, making him feel.. He didn't know the word for it. She was with him, like he'd known she would be today but she was... Again he found himself unable to name it... He only knew one thing, this morning he'd reached a point of no return... Now that she had him, he just hoped and would later, no doubt pray, she wanted to keep him. A whole new set of worries had already began to fill his head... He stopped himself, refusing to think about any of it. He'd have plenty of time to brood on it later. Right now her eyes were on him, a happy smile on her face and that was all that mattered. He stepped closer, reaching down, he grabbed the throttle and gave it some gas, holding her eyes all the time. He watched her gaze drop to his lips, then drop completely away.

Certain, once he let off the throttle, his bikes idle was right. He reached out and hit the kill switch then turned off the key. Turning his attention back to Mac. He waited for her eyes to meet his, it seemed to take an inordinate amount of time, to him. Her eyes skimming up his torso. She looked shy again he noted, her cheeks flushed that adorable pink, he liked so well. When her eyes reached his face, he knew it was going to happen. Even before her eyes paused on his lips, and she whispered, "will you kiss me again?" His body tensing, he didn't wait for her eyes to meet his.

He leaned down, pausing when she didn't raise her gaze to his. A shudder passed through him, when he noticed she shook. The knowledge she wanted his kiss that badly made his gut tighten and his heart pound in his ears. The elemental, vaguely primal response of earlier today seizing his body again, he leaned down and caught her lips. Her gasp, this time audible. Unlike earlier, she quickly kissed him back, her lips moving against his. He reached out, his fingers sliding into her soft hair, the palm of his hand resting against along the curve of her cheek. He deepened the kiss slightly, allowing himself a better taste of her lips, reminding himself at the same time, not to let things get out of hand. She rewarded his efforts with another breathy gasp. Her fingers came up, and wrapped around his wrist, the caress feather light and hesitant. The feeling of her response, making the pressure growing in his chest, become almost painful. He pulled back, leaving his hand on her face. Again, waiting for her eyes to open. Shaken, more than he should be, he drew in a shallow breath, as her eyes opened. The chaos of emotions he saw there, caused that primal response to rear its head again, only this time to protect, not devour.. "I guess, Kamron Gloriana Sinclair," he began, his eyes traveling over her face, his hand dropping from her. Only to feel her reach out and slide her hand into it. His eyes drifted down, noticing how small her hand appeared, compared to his. He finished as his eyes came back to hers, "I better take you on a date." Another bright happy smile appeared on her face and filled her eyes, "when?" She asked, the excessively eager tone of her voice, causing an amused chuckle to escape his lips. Followed quickly, by a entertained grin, "is tonight soon enough?" He asked, laughter in his eyes.

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><p><strong>Ok, I guess now, I owe all of you and apology for an absurdly short chapter! And as always I'm positively anxious to what you all think! <strong>


	25. Chapter 24

As far as fuck ups went, Neal knew he'd done it this time. The bars surrounding him at present, a stark reminder of just how badly. Promptly, irritated with the situation again, he kicked the aforementioned bars, pain shooting through his foot, and radiating up his ankle. What the hell was he thinking, the past had proven he didn't have self-control when it came to, Mac.

He really hadn't intended to harm her, or for any harm to befall her. He'd just wanted to talk to her. But as usual he'd started loosing his temper, Mac had that effect on him even when he was perfectly sober. There had always been something about her, long before he'd started dating her. That something had made him want to catch her. He'd known in the beginning, when he first met her that no matter how attracted to her he might be, it wasn't wise for him to peruse her.

And at first it had been easy, He couldn't stand Jake, her ever-present sidekick. But overtime she charmed him from afar, just like she did everyone else, Neal had decided he had to have her. Wanting to possess her bad enough he'd been willing to tolerate, Jake.

Neal understood his jealous, controlling nature even then. He'd also recognized his propensity for violence, when it came to those impulses. Remarkably, he'd managed to control those impulse with Mac, even though she was a shameless flirt. Well, he'd controlled them for the first year and a half. Jake, had fortuitously moved away, shortly after they'd started dating and she'd been willing to do whatever Neal wanted her to do so it had been easy.

Then things had started going wrong in other areas of life, the result in the end, he'd shoved her. Jake, like some self-proclaimed knight in shining armor had come galloping into town. Hell bent on straightening Neal out, Neal had left town and gone to his parents cabin, located on a lonely stretch of bayou. But, Jake had found him, doling out the punishment he felt Neal deserved. At that point Neal had taken it, feeling guilty as he was about hurting, Mac. He always felt guilty, after he had to straighten any women out but it didn't mean the women, didn't deserve it. His own father had always used a firm hand with Neal's mother, making sure he was gentle after she remembered her place. Feeling contrite, Neal had gone and searched Mac out. And Mac had taken him back, the next four months, things had gotten better. Then things had taken a turn for the worse, Mac, had begun to focus on her work more and more, as her business grew. Then she'd gotten pushy about going places where there would be a lot of men present, that for whatever reason Neal himself couldn't be. Or going out with her friend Tess, who in Neal's opinion was nothing but a bar jumping whore.

Neal, had quickly found himself regretting, not keeping Mac away from Tess's influence in the beginning. The night he finally snapped, it had been because of Mac and Tess, he allowed Mac stay go out with Tess the night before. Thinking their location would be harmless, after all they were only at a barbecue at Tess's parents. Neal himself had been there for the food, it was just a bunch of Tess's relations, her parents and some family friends. So, he'd said he didn't mind if she stayed. But shortly after he'd left Bryant Ford a friend of about Tess and Liam's showed up, whisking the girls off to the Roadhouse.

Kamron, hadn't told him late that night, when she stumbled in slightly drunk, where she'd been. Distracting him instead with her body. Neal had found out at work the next day from his coworker James, exactly what she'd been up to.

Enraged, by the time he'd gotten home late that night, all chance of talking to her about it had left. He'd instead decided Mac needed a lesson, about why she needed to behave herself. So, Neal had shown her, a bit more harshly then he needed to, he'd admit. Doing something he'd never done before, with any women to help prove his point. He'd punched her several times in the face, doing it so she understand the effect her looks had on men. But he hadn't stopped there, he'd made sure Mac knew when he finished, lying and flirting weren't allowed.

Looking down at her, setting on floor, in the corner of their kitchen, her face bruised and bloody, her thin white t-shirt ripped and covered in blood from her split lip and bleeding nose, Neal had quickly realized maybe he'd gone too far, so he'd left. Going to stay with his uncle, needing a cool down period before he saw her again. Telling himself it had nothing to do with the fact he was afraid of what Liam or Jake would do to him, if they saw him. But, after he'd been in Memphis a few weeks, he still felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. So, he'd decided to stay, realizing it would be for the best. Then, close to a year later, his mother had gotten sick and he'd needed to move back.

When he'd gone to Macs house on Friday, he'd really only intended to apologize for everything all of it. But, Mac, being Mac wouldn't let him and Neal, being who he was instantly went on the defensive. In his drunken state, the matter of his recent altercation with Liam came to the forefront of his thoughts. And things had quickly escalated, Neal hadn't realized how far out of control things were until she fell. He'd tried to catch her but it hadn't worked. Her head hitting the newel post had instantly sobered him and he'd run scared, leaving her there. When Neal finally showed up at his parents house the next day, his mother had met him at the door with accusing eyes, and asked "what did you do?" He quickly realized listening to his mother talk, he couldn't run this time. Mac had called the cops... The thought making Neal's fists clench in anger, his plan when he'd arrived at his parents house being to explain to them he needed to leave again. But the police officers that had come looking for him, told his mother when she saw him, if she saw him, to tell him it would be best if he turned himself in.

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><p>Mac sat staring out across the water, breathing in deeply, the smell of fish and brine, the wind carried in. That same salty wind, whipping her hair around her shoulders, tying the ends in snarls. And coating her skin with salt. Pulling her knees closer to her body, she watched as flock of gulls flirted with danger, the birds gliding so closely to the tops, of the rolling and ebbing waves, she didn't understand how they didn't get pulled into the water. She watched them transfixed, as their wings skimmed over the top of the water. Toll, his name came drifting into her mind, she wondered if he was home yet. Her body growing warm, she bit her lip. Tonight. Mac thought wistfully, a soft smile steeling across her lips. Tonight, she'd be with him. Tonight, she had a date, hopefully the first of many, with a man who made her heart race, her hands shake, and that delicious heat to swirl in her abdomen.. But, he wasn't just a man, Mac reminded herself, a blush staining her cheeks, he was, Garret Matthew Roads, and so much more than just a man. Her smile broadened, he just told her his middle name this morning. He was her man, her mind whispered interrupting her thoughts, a shiver running across her skin. Her mind drifting to the feel of his lips on hers. Closing her eyes briefly she allowed herself to remember, that last kiss, they'd shared moments before he'd left, it had made her heart race painfully in her chest, and left her wanting more. The kiss hadn't been what you would call carnal, exactly. Like the other kisses of this morning it had been relatively chaste and gentle. Just a series of lingering kisses, his lips brushes against hers gently.<p>

With any other man, she'd think, if he kissed her like that it was a calculated move. If she was lucky enough to find a man who kissed like that, Mac reminded herself. Shed think the kiss, designed specifically to leave her breathless and wanting. But, with Toll it wasn't, if anything, she wondered if it wasn't the complete opposite. Suddenly the memory became more vivid. Toll, giving her that hesitant look, then stepping closer, he'd bent down. When he'd pulled back she'd been flushed, her heart raced and the only way to describe her mental state, being befuddled.

Face flushed, Mac opened her eyes and leaned back, resting on her elbows, straightening her legs out in front of her. Her mind drifting back to the less pleasant topic at hand, the topic that had chased her away from home. Toll, had needed to leave and Mac had barely left him, when she'd received the phone call from officer Bailly, Neal would go before the judge tomorrow at ten a.m. Once the judge set bail Neal could be out of jail within the hour, officer Bailly had gone down a whole list of information. Lastly, reiterating that she file a restraining order, first thing tomorrow.

After they'd hung up, Mac just sat there, as the reality, that this was really happening set in. Wishing for her sake, as much as Neal's, that he had stayed away like he said he would. She still felt, when he'd shown up, Neal hadn't planned to harm her but things had quickly escalated. And in trying to get away from him, she'd caused herself harm.

The sick feeling, shed gotten when she heard Officer Bailly's voice, only intensified when Mac realized she had to call Liam and her parents. She didn't want to have to tell them, Neal, would be out tomorrow, it wasn't a matter of if he could post bail, it was a matter of when he could get the funds to the court. And Liam and her parents would both know that. As sick as the thought of having that conversation with them, had made her feel, the thought of having it with Toll was worse. Mac didn't know how to tell the man she'd only found herself in a relationship with today, that Neal the man partly to blame for the current, condition of her face, might be out of jail tomorrow. All she could really say, was she had impeccable timing.

Mac had called Liam, then her parents. Managing to hold the sick feeling at bay. Acting braver than she felt for their sakes, but she didn't feel all that brave. A horrible feeling of dread had filled her. It wasn't necessarily a fear of Neal she felt, as much as fear of what was to come. Her feelings, as far as Neal where concerned where still numb. But the restless, caged feeling she'd felt had caused a need to run. So, she'd jumped in her jeep and left driving to the same lonely stretch of beach Toll had brought her to less than two weeks ago. Maybe, she'd come here because she needed to feel close to him, wanting to feel the blanketing calmness his presence could bring her, or maybe she'd come here for the sense of aloneness the place offered, she didn't know, but this was where she'd found herself. Pushing all thoughts and worries about what was to come, as far into the back of her mind as she could, she refused to allow Neal destroy this night for her. She decided at that moment, not to tell Toll until after their date, he'd only worry and she wanted the memory of their first date untainted. Or, at least as untainted as circumstances allowed.

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><p>The wind was blowing and it had started to sprinkle by the time Toll got home. He hadn't thought, when he left Tools, he'd make it home before the worst of the shower hit. Fortunately, he had. He'd known when he left earlier, they might get late afternoon, early evening showers but he'd needed to take his bike for a ride just to make sure everything was right. He shut his bike off and got off, his eyes going to the open garage door. Watching the gentle rain, that had started almost the moment he'd pulled in, hit the pavement.<p>

Toll hadn't wanted to leave Mac earlier today, even now he couldn't get over the shock. The events of this morning had been completely unexpected, leaving him wondering if it had all been real. His mind and body quickly reminding him of the feel of her and the taste of her.

When Barney had called, Toll had wanted to tell him he was busy. But that wasn't an option, even in normal circumstances and these weren't normal circumstances. They were having another briefing on the job they were leaving for tomorrow. Barney's only explanation being, things had changed marginally and they'd talk about it when they were all together. A second briefing was never a good sign, it meant something had happened. Hoping it wasn't something bad, he'd hung up. Told Mac he had to go and after a hesitation, gently kissed her. Macs response to that kiss, making Toll realize it was maybe best Barney had called him away.

If he hadn't received that call there was a good chance he'd have ended up taking it beyond a kiss. Even though he knew it was too soon, he wanted her. Her breathy gasps and shy responses to his attentions only making it worse. And he felt certain she'd have let him carry her to his bedroom, the images that certainty put in his head making his body shudder.

Toll had found it hard to concentrate on the briefing, things had changed so much in the span of one day. Yesterday, this time he'd been worried about what was wrong, why Mac sounded so different on the phone. Arriving at her house to find her face all bruised and swollen then setting and listening to her story in anger. And this morning, she'd changed things even more. Now he wasn't worrying about the woman he wanted but couldn't have. Now he was worrying about Mac, the woman he kissed and touched several times already today, the woman he hoped to have in his life for a longtime to come. He pulled his mind away from her, and tried to concentrate on what Barney had to say. Instead of worrying about Neal and Mac and having to leave for so long, when she needed him most. When Barney asked a question that pertained to Tolls particular field of expertise, he'd been embarrassed when he'd only caught part of what he should have heard. Face turning slightly red, he'd apologized for his preoccupation and shoved her out of his thoughts. Concentrating on what Barney and Lee had to say. Aware of the curios glances Hale kept directing at him. He was glad that for once Hale kept his mouth shut, not bringing Mac up. But then again, Hale knew everything well almost everything he reminded himself. One thing Hale did know, is how mad Toll had been this morning, apparently that knowledge had compelled Caesar to keep his mouth shut.

Toll, had thought briefly, with the changes to their job. Barney might ask that they all head to the hangar and start getting stuff ready tonight, but he hadn't, instead saying he needed everyone at the hangar by six am. Much earlier then the original ten am meet time.

Toll knew he couldn't change the fact he had to go, that was impossible but he'd rather know how things were before he left. He thought about telling Tool at least part of the situation and asking him if he'd be there if she needed anything. But it hadn't been the time or place.

One thing was a certainty, he'd never allow it to happen again, no one would ever touch her or come near like that, as long as he could stop it. That was something he'd known before she came to his house this morning. The things that had happened since that moment had relatively noting to do with it. But it did change other things knowing Mac wanted this, that she wanted them. He found himself hoping again, when the time came and the truth came out, she'd stay.

He hadn't mentioned the change in their relationship to the guys, never one to share anything personal much anyway. They'd all figure it out soon enough. Toll did wondered for a minute what Barney would think, wondering exactly how his boss would feel when he found out how wrong he'd been. Really it didn't matter what Barney or any of the rest of them thought, Toll had what he wanted, at least for now.

He stood a moment more watching the gentle rain hit his driveway, hoping it stopped before he picked Mac up. The place he wanted to take her only worked if it wasn't raining. He had a date, he'd had that thought several times today, each time it had the same effect. The pressure in his chest making it difficult to breathe, followed by a vivid memory of her, from one of the many things that happened today.

* * *

><p>Ugh! Stop driving yourself crazy, she chastised, as she got out of the shower. You'll see him again soon. Since she'd left the beach, she'd thought little about Neal. Determined to keep him from joining her on this date. Mac, kept her body and mind focused on Toll, and it wasn't that difficult to do, she was getting what she wanted, him.<p>

Wrapping a towel around her head and drying herself off, she wrapped that towel around her body and picked her phone up off the counter, three fifty was the time, he'd be here to get her at five. Her skin became tight at the thought, closing her eyes briefly she allowed herself to relive his lips on hers. A faint blush staining her cheeks at the memory her chest becoming almost painfully tight. Really, the day had felt like a dream. Not the corny, cliché, dream come true sense, so much as the she couldn't believe, after all this time she was with him sense.

Walking through the bathroom door and into her bedroom, she wandered to the closet. Telling herself she needed to focus on getting ready for their date, the word date causing heat to swirl and butterflies to dance. She wasn't certain, she'd be able to eat anything, her stomach seemed determined to dance a jig, every time she so much as thought about him. Taking a deep breath, she focused on picking out something to wear, something he'd like, the thought causing a shiver to slither across her skin. Mac knew this date was impromptu and nothing fancy, but still, she took her time getting ready. Wanting to look the best she could for Toll, wishing her face didn't look so horrible. Then decided wryly, at least she wouldn't have to worry about make-up.

She rummaged through her closet, unable to decide on anything. Growing increasingly annoyed with herself, she grabbed a tight dark gray sweater, white tank top and dark blue jeans. Shed never really made a habit of worrying about what a man thought that much. She'd spent, numerous hours in this mans presence, in all variety of dress and she'd never worried about how she looked before. But... He isn't _just a man,_ her body reminded her again. Taking a deep breath, she managed to regain some control of herself, she dressed, choosing flat soled black leather boots as footwear. A smile lighting her face, when she remembered she'd worn these that day at the beach. She'd just finished twist braiding her long hair, when she heard him knock.

When she opened her door, Toll felt his heart begin to beat in his throat. Despite, the bruise marring her features, she looked good to him. Her long hair pulled back away from her face, the end of the long braid falling over her right shoulder, a soft happy smile on her lips. Her eyes mirroring that happiness. He didn't speak for a moment, just allowed his eyes to wander over her, she looked good, he thought again, his body tightening in appreciation, noticing she'd wore those boots he liked so much, then slowly came back to hers. Those eyes, he loved those eyes. They were the first thing he'd noticed about her, and now.. And now, they watched him, now they... He'd never have thought she'd look at him like this, let alone would have, just today encouraged him to kiss her and touch her. She's wants you, a voice inside him whispered. That knowledge causing every protective instinct Toll had to go one alert, especially when he allowed his eyes to drift over that bruise. He felt so strange, standing there looking at her, all these different thoughts and feelings rushing around inside him. The way she looked at him, the beguiling softness in her gaze wreaking havoc on his senses and causing the mayhem going on inside him to worsen. Her soft happy smile, took on a slightly knowing quality, making him think she shared and understood, what he was feeling in this moment.

Neither said a word as she stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind her, she wasn't certain, why he didn't speak, as for herself, she just didn't. Nothing she could say would make any sense, they both knew why they were here and what it meant. She blushed faintly and smiled up at him as he leaned closer, his hand reaching past her to check the door knob. She knew why he did it, again she chose not to comment, he wanted to make sure she was being careful. The knowledge, that he cared about her safety, as always made her feel breathless. But, this time it was different, this time it was more. It was him that finally broke the silence, after he'd assured himself she locked the door, asking her, "are you ready?" The gentle tone of his voice, causing her smile to grow bigger as she met his eyes. "Yeah," she replied with a faint blush, her voice hushed, her gaze dropping. He believed the action was what any other man would call coy, but with her it was different, she wanted this and badly enough it made her shy. He stood there looking down at her for a moment fascinated, not just by her but by all of it. "Let's go." He said after a moment, she looked up at him taking a deep breath and smiled faintly, her eyes drifting to his lips, and said "k."

He walked her to his truck, watching her watch the ground, when they reached his truck, she reached for the door handle, he reached out grabbing it first. The action caused her blush to deepen more, he watched her no less absorbed than before, even when he couldn't see her face, as she got in. When she set down and her eyes came to his, he sucked in an involuntary breath. Her eyes, he didn't know what name, to put to what he saw there, he just knew he'd be lucky to make it through this night in one piece. Especially, if she didn't find her tongue soon, he could keep all his baser urges at bay, if she just talked to him, but this new quiet, Mac, with her adorable blushes and bewildered looks, all he wanted to do was kiss her.

He closed the door taking a deep breath, and walked around his truck. Pausing for just a moment before he opened the door and climbed in, he sent up another her silent word of thanks. She didn't look at him, after he climbed in and started the truck or when he backed onto the road. After they'd gone a few miles, he'd been ready to break the silence himself when he felt her small hand slide inside of his, intertwining their fingers and she asked, "so, where are we going?" First, he looked at her surprised to hear her hushed voice, then he looked down at her hand where it laid inside of his, the vise like pressure in his chest growing. He contemplated for a moment what response to give, wondering what would keep her talking, his eyes going back to the road he answered, "one of my favorite places to eat." His gaze shifting from the road to her face for a moment, she looked at him and smiled. "Will I like it?"

"I hope so, I know you like barbecue." After another pause, he'd thought they were slipping back into that charged silence again, but then she said, "I'm glad it stopped raining." He knew at that moment, she was trying to keep the nearly overwhelming tension at bay, glad he wasn't the only one feeling it, he said, "me too, if it hadn't it would have made our date a little wet." Her gaze quickly moved to him, her eyes filled with curiosity, "a little wet? Just where are you taking me?" Her voice filled with the same curiosity he'd seen in her eyes. "I'm not telling." He stated. She took the bait, he'd known she would, she arched an eyebrow at him, "oh really?" She asked. "Yup." He replied not bothering to look at her this time, just glad she taken the bait, he had his girl back. His girl? He said to himself, questioning his own thoughts, his body responding to the idea. He quickly pushed aside that thought and the images it brought with it, knowing the direction those thoughts could make things go. This Mac he could handle, the other quiet one, all he wanted to do with her was kiss her senseless. His mind not failing to remind him, he'd had plenty of thoughts about kissing her when she hadn't been so quiet and shy.

Thirty minutes later they pulled into a parking lot, close to the French quarter, a mobile charcoal barbecue set in the parking lot along with a few cars and some picnic tables. Mac smiled, she never been here before. That warmth filled her, the one she always felt when he shared some of himself with her, certain this was one of his places, she turned her attention to him.

Toll, looked at her after he parked, trying to gauge her reaction and suddenly feeling stupid. He should have taken her on a real date, someplace with actual tables and indoor lighting. Not this place, but she told him to choose so he chosen this. He couldn't see her face, she'd turned away from him to surveying their destination, when she did look at him, he knew instantly, it had been the right choice. He held her gaze for only a moment, afraid if he didn't move soon he's somehow embarrass himself. He smiled softly at the look in her eyes and said, "set still, I'll get your door."

After they'd gotten their food, he led her away from the picnic tables, across the parking lot and down a path beside the buildings. The short path ended in a little park area, she hadn't known was there either. Even though it wasn't the place felt secluded, a stream ran along the edge of the little wooded area and two benches sat under some trees. This place she quickly realized was just a resting place, one of many actually that marked the paths crisscrossing all over this area but one she'd never seen before. Again, her chest tightened, the stupid man seemed determined to keep her flustered, she mused. Actually, she doubted keeping her flustered, was part of his plan, he was just doing the same thing he'd done at least twice before. Unknowingly, giving her a piece of himself.

Once they'd set down, and she turned herself on the bench so she faced him, officer Bailey's call entering her mind, she pushed the thought away. Instead focusing on the man before her. She lifted arm, resting her elbow on the back of the seat, then asked curious, "how did you find this place?" He looked up meeting her gaze, "there's a book store I frequent just down the road." She held his gaze, feeling emotions well inside her, dropping her gaze a faint smile lit her face. Toll watched her, transfixed by her expression, after a moment asking, "what?" She bit her lip gently, her gaze coming back to his, "nothing." She answered, her smile broadening slightly.

They ate in pretty much in silence, neither having much to say, but the quiet didn't make Toll nervous or question if she enjoyed it. Normally, it would have with any other women but not her, he'd spent enough time with her already to know she didn't always have to talk. Sometimes, she just seemed happy to let the silence surround them, a fact for which he was grateful, especially, seems he didn't always have a lot worth saying.

After they'd finished eating and he'd been about ready to ask if she was ready, she found something to say. "How long will you be gone?" She asked.

The question instantly making him nervous he answered, "a week, maybe a day or two more." Watching her closely. She looked saddened by his response.

"Where are you going?" She asked next, her eyes meeting his gaze. The instinct to pull back and change the subject, hit him hard. But he didn't, he knew she had every right to ask him these sorts of things, she always had, but it was different now, now he had to answer. So, he replied carefully, "the Ukraine." Her next question caught him off guard, he'd been prepared for more probing question, instead she asked her voice curious, "have you ever been inside the dead zone?" He smiled slightly, only Mac would asked if he'd been to Pripyat "No." He answered, watching her, amused, shaking his head. "It's not exactly a tourist destination I'd want to visit." He added. "Well I would defiantly go there, if, the opportunity presented itself " She announced, giving him a perplexed look. Her eyes filling with a mischievous twinkle, the hint of a smile playing around her mouth. Staring at her lips, he moved closer, remembering, despite the bizarre conversation, exactly how those lips had tasted. "Have a death wish, do you, sweetheart?" He asked playfully, staring down at her, watching her smile. The familiar feeling of slipping a little farther hit him, again. Finding himself charmed by her completely random question of moments ago. She arched an eyebrow and informed him, the tone of her voice meant to charm, "It's perfectly safe, silly, it's been over twenty-five years."

He shook his head, giving her an unconvinced look, his eyes twinkling, he replied "yeah, twenty-five years after a massive nuclear explosion." Shaking her head, she gave him a look filled with mock disdain. "Oh, so, now your going to start acting like a stodgy old man." She finished with a laugh, her voice sounding accusing. He watched her shaking his head again, an amused smile on his face. Folding his arms over his chest, "Old Man?" He asked, trying to make his voice sound sever. She just laughed at him, when her mirth quieted, she said, "correction, I said, **_stodgy_**, old man." Shaking his head entertainment still visible in his eyes and on his face, he asked, "proud of yourself?" She laughed again, she replied "I just call them how I see them." Playfully giving him a dirty look.

"Really? And all because I think your crazy, for wanting to go to Chernobyl." He replied, Laughter in his voice.

"I'm not crazy, you just don't have a sense of adventure, _apparently_. You should loosen up some, dear and learn to live a little." Still amused he watched her, "I'm not certain how going to an abandoned city, that became abandoned because a nuclear reactor exploded, is living a little."

"I like to live life dangerously..." She announced.

If she had any idea, she wouldn't accuse him of being stodgy, or needing to live a little, he thought. She probably run away from him, like any intelligent women would. Quickly shoving away the thought, he decided he'd think about that particular problem later.

The look on her face changed after a moment, becoming serious again, she asked, her eyes on him, "will I be able to talk to you." Her question and the look in her eyes causing his chest to become painfully tight, he held her gaze, and answered truthfully, "no." The look in her eyes after he answered, made him feel horrible and at the same time made something in him soften. It made him feel speechless to know, she might be upset, because she couldn't talk to him. "Will I see you before, you leave?" His chest tightening more, he reached out and took her hand, his gaze dropping. His brow furrowed as he watched her tread her fingers through his, his gaze came back to hers. Holding her troubled eyes, he shook his head and answered, "no, I won't have time." When her gaze just dropped away from his, he squeezed her hand, and said, "Mac, sweetheart, I'm leaving around one but..." He paused a moment, a thought forming, maybe, if things went right..."if I can, I'll come find you." Her gaze shot to his, a sad smile on her face, she asked "if you can't will you at least, text me?" Letting out a ragged breath, he said, "yes."

From there, they walked to small pond not far away, per Macs request. Toll hadn't wanted to really, this time of year this late in the evening, the deeper parts of this area could become dangerous. Filling up with junkies and dealers, now that the tourist and most of the night life close by had thinned out. But she'd just taken ahold of his other hand, stood and announced, "they'd be fine, with him around." Pulling him up off the bench, and giving him a charming smile. Shed let go of his hands, then reached down and grabbed their food containers and walked to the nearest garbage can, throwing them away. Then turned her bright expectant gaze to him and waited. He'd been ready to protest again, until she'd said, "don't worry, I'll protect you." The hint of a smile on her face, and mirth dancing in her eyes, charmed him.

Toll, knew he'd give in and she'd get what she wanted but so would he. He walked toward her, holding her gaze. Mac held his eyes, the sudden intensity filling his eyes, making her shiver. Casting on last glance around to make sure they were alone, he reached out, holding her wide gaze and took her arm gently pulling her into the trees, then toward him. He lowered his head, his body tightening.

This is time when his lips touched hers, his hand slid to the back of her head, cradling it gently. He only intended, this be a brief kiss, similar to their earlier encounters. But before he knew it, the feel of her eager response, had him angling his head more fully over hers and deepening their kiss, allowing his tongue to tentatively touch her top lip, curling around it as he brushed her lips with his. She gasped, moving her body into his slightly, her trembling hand coming to his face, then sliding to the back of his neck. Her other hand sliding around his bicep. She kissed him back, her own little tongue darting out to touch his, her trembling fingers tightening on the back of his neck and on his arm. Tolls hand left her head and slid around her waist. Pulling her into him, all the time leaning into her. His other hand slid up her back, his hand coming to rest between her shoulder blades. Moments later, Mac pressed her body closure, Toll knew he had to stop this. Reminding himself, belatedly they were in a public place and this was all happening to fast. Pressing one more lingering kiss to her full lips, his heart pounding painfully, he pulled back. Macs, wide-eyed gaze met his, the tender, bewildered look in her eyes, made his body tighten painfully. His eyes drifted to that bruise, he knew instantly he needed to talk to Tool, there wasn't any question. Toll knew he couldn't get on a plane and just leave her, not knowing what was happening with Neal, not knowing if she'd be safe or not.

Toll wasn't surprised this time, when he felt her hand slide into his, squeezing it gently as they walked. Mac moved closer to him, still holding his hand, she reached out wrapping her free hand around his the forearm. The feel of her hand sliding around his arm did surprise him, Toll looked down at the top of her bent head, that simple gesture, the feel of her soft hand sliding around his forearm, made a tender smile appear on his face.

Mac gazed down at Tolls hand in hers and her other hand wrapped around his forearm, she could see the black ink of the tat covering the inside of his arm, peeking out around her hand. She wondered and not for the first time what meaning it held. At first she thought the black bird a crow, but now doubted it was, certain instead it was a raven. The raven a harbinger of death, setting on top of a skull, with the word expendable scrolled in underneath. She'd noticed a similar one on Hale's arm. Curious. She absent-mindedly ran her thumb along the outer edge of the ink, along the bird's head and asked, " what does this tat mean? I know Caesar has the same one on his arm." Tensing slightly, he answered carefully, "we all have them." She looked up at him puzzled, her eyes traveling over his face in the dim light, "why does it say expendable?" Not knowing what to say, he replied carefully again, "I'm not sure, it's something Barney came up with long before I met him, he has a thing for skulls." She watched him a minute more than turned her attention back to the path in front of them, apparently satisfied with his answer. Toll knew her though, he knew it wouldn't keep her appeased long. She'd be back with more questions, he didn't want to or know how to answer. He knew it had been a poor answer but he wasn't use to lying, it wasn't a complete lie, he reminded himself, still he couldn't help but feel grateful she'd believed it, at least for the moment. Seconds later guilt hit him, he knew it was just the first of many lies to come, unless he chanced telling her the truth. The hand that didn't hold hers tightened into a fist, he knew instantly he couldn't take that risk, just yet.

* * *

><p>On the way home, Mac knew she couldn't put of the inevitable any longer, she had to tell Toll, even though she didn't want to. As much as she wanted to not tell him, she had to. Being in a relationship with him took that option away, really it wasn't just the relationship that changed it. She'd made it his business when she told him her story. Shaking off the sudden guilt she'd felt for waiting till now to tell him, she took a deep breath. Her gaze shifting to where her hand rested in his, she began, "I heard from officer Bailey today." Her gaze coming to his face. He waited for her to continue, his body tensing, after a moment she continued. "He said, Neal's set to go before to judge tomorrow morning at ten. Right now, because I didn't report the other incidents, they are charging him with forced entry and attempted assault. His bail will probably be set somewhere around five thousand dollars." Tolls body filled with dread, his grip on the steering wheel tightened. Son of a bitch, he thought, and he was leaving tomorrow.<p> 


	26. Chapter 25

Toll listened, anger filling him, her words, making his fear a reality. His fingers tightening even more on the steering wheel, the anger, causing the muscles in his body to constrict. The bastard would potentially be out tomorrow and he was leaving. The thought, moving his anger to the border of rage. She would be here alone. With Neal out of jail and him on the other side of the Atlantic. Damn it.

Mac watched him, worried and uncertain what to say. He hadn't spoken one word since she'd told him her news, she'd seen his body stiffen, but she couldn't make out any of what his face might reveal in the dimly lit interior of his truck. " Toll, Liam's going to stay with me." She added, belatedly, realizing she should have probably told him that sooner. But in her defense, it had been hard enough to tell him Neal was getting out.

Her words did little to comfort him. It didn't matter that her brother was here, Toll had seen the proof of how well Neal responded to Liam's authority. Her face was proof of that. The coward obviously didn't respect anyone. Toll knew he needed to say something, but couldn't seem to speak. His anger getting worse by the second. He tried to reassure himself with the knowledge that she wouldn't be completely alone, it did make him feel a little better, surprisingly. But as he'd thought before, Neal had no respect for Liam. And Liam couldn't be with her every second and if Neal wanted to get to her, he'd know Liam wouldn't always be around.

Trying to pull himself back from the brink of full rage, Toll reasoned with himself, even if he wasn't leaving town, he wouldn't be able to stay with her every second, either. But, if he wasn't leaving town, he'd have a talk with Neal. Not a man to man talk obviously, Toll couldn't think of Neal as a man, men didn't hurt women, but they'd have a talk none the less.

Mac had continued to watch him, growing more and more worried, when he didn't respond. The silence ringing in her ears, she'd, for a moment questioned, if she should have told him at all, wondering if she should have waited till he got back. But quickly dismissed the idea, she couldn't hide it from him. "Toll?" She said, wanting him to say something.

The worry in her voice, broke through the anger he felt. He knew leaving, her wouldn't be easy, but he didn't have a choice, he'd have to put her safety in Liam's hand. But not Liam's alone, he could and would give her Tools number, he doubted if the Neal came face to face with Tool, he'd be dumb enough to ignore what Tool had to say. The thought making him feel marginally better, he turned and looked at her, feeling her soft warm hand slide into his. Loosely clasping his hand, Mac ran the pad of her thumb lightly across his calloused palm, repeating the action several times, he found the tender caress soothing. Taking a steadying breath, he said, "I'm alright," his voice gentle.

After a moment she said, "I'm sorry I should have told you earlier.. I just wanted," her voice trailing off. Toll returned her gesture from moments ago, only he traced several small circle inside her palm, he said, his voice reflecting the gentleness of his touch, "it's alright, Mac." She shook her head, turning her face away from him. "No, it's really not.. I just..wanted our date, before I made..." Unable to finish, she felt him squeeze her hand, some of the anger leaving him. His anger becoming less potent, at her reference to their date, something softened inside him, "I'm not upset with you, Mac. I'm just mad, I not gonna be here if you need me." He said, his voice gentle and reassuring.

Seconds later, they pulled into her driveway, neither had said a word, since he'd last spoken, the tone of his voice when he'd last spoke, making her feel strange, her skin becoming tight, and pressure building in her body. She looked at him, and he thought he saw a slight smile on her lips but she hadn't said a word. Watching her a moment more, he reluctantly pulled his hand from hers, shutting off his truck, then turned his attention back to her. The light from the cab light illuminating her face, she smiled faintly at him, a little uncertain what to say. His reaction from moments ago still on her mind. After a second she said, "I had a nice time." Toll let his eyes travel over her troubled face, after a moment replying, "me too." Mac realized at that exact second, she would give almost anything to have him not go away. Not because she felt she needed him around to protect her but because she'd only had this one day with him, really, with him. She wanted this for so long and now he was leaving. Again.

He didn't know what to say, as he sat there holding her gaze. "I'll be alright, Toll." She said gently trying to reassure him, all the while warmth filling her body. The look in his eyes made her tremble. Toll held her gaze for a moment more, still unconvinced, his doubts threatening to over take him. He knew, he had to get ahold of his own emotions for her sake. He took a deep breath and smiled faintly, concentrating on the evening he'd just shared with her and what it meant. He turned opening his door and got out. Noting, she stayed put, waiting for him to open her door.

Mac watched Toll get out and walk around the truck, waiting for him to open her door. She shoved Neal from her head again. Concentrating, instead on the feelings, the absurdly cute and old-fashioned gesture of him opening the door made her feel. But, it wasn't just that gesture, it was him, all of him, the man he was. He always made her feel so strange, almost fragile really, he looked at her like... Toll opened the door, interrupting her thoughts, her body instantly flushed warmly, she looked at him a soft smile steeling across her face.

Toll opened the door, waiting for her to get out. With a better handle on his emotions then he'd had minutes ago. The anger was still there but he knew if he didn't control it he might scare her. The soft look she gave him, causing his mind to drift, reminding him of how much this day had changed his life. He reached down taking her small hand in his and led her across her yard, his chest constricted painfully. It would be a week at the least before he'd to do this with her again. A week before he could hold her hand and kiss her or wrap his arms around her. He had every intention, of making things work so he could see her tomorrow but it wouldn't be the same. He might get at best twenty minutes, Barney had decided he needed them all there, first thing in the morning. Even thought they didn't leave until one, there was a lot they needed to do in preparation. So this moment would be his last real moment with her for a while. And he felt determined, to use it wisely, instead of squandering it. He was aware of the hour and all he had to do tonight before he could get into bed but it didn't matter. Thankfully, he always tried to keep his gear bag packed, so that meant he just need to get his weapons together, his clothing packed and a few other things accomplished. Even that would take him an hour. But right now, it didn't matter, what the current hour was or how long his own stuff was going to take.

Mac watched him as they walked toward her house, her fingers interlocked with his. She was glad she hadn't told him about Neal sooner, his reaction would have no doubt put a shadow on their time together. Toll didn't look at her, he just stared ahead, lost somewhere in thought. When they reached the porch, he turned, looking down at her, Mac felt her chest tighten.

Kamron, sweetheart," he began, his voice strained. He reached up gently, his fingers wrapping around her arm, not pulling her closer, just lightly holding it. "I." He began, struggling with what he wanted to say, struggling with the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Not wanting to scare her, his fingers tightening on her arm as he finally pulled her closer, "I need you to.. Please, just be careful.." Mac slid her free arm around his waist, meaning for the gesture to reassure him, she rest her head against his chest, "I will be," she said, her voice quiet and reassuring, snuggling closer to his warm, solid chest.

Toll let go of her arm, wrapping his own arms around her, pulling her close, as he felt her recently freed arm slide around his back. He just held her a moment, letting his body grow use to the still alien feeling of holding her. He rubbed his cheek against the top of her head. He needed her to understand, she needed to realize... Lifting his head, he said her name, careful to keep the coil of angry emotions he felt, out of his voice. "Mac." Then waited for her to lift her head and look at him, when she did he held her gaze a moment, then continued, his tone failing to hide all those emotions, "you have to promise me, I need to know." The vague intensity of his voice making her feel startlingly shaky. Mac didn't know what to say, or how to reassure him. "I will, I promise." She managed to say, wrapping her arms more securely around his shoulders. Toll just watched her a moment, the feel of her arms tightening around him, made his body respond, taking a shaky breath, he said, "I'm going to give you Tools number, if you.. If anything happens, promise me you'll call him." Knowing he needed to get the words out before she distracted him.

Mac again didn't know what to say, his gaze unnerving, even though she couldn't see his eyes, in the dim light, she could feel them. The intensity almost frightening, she knew he didn't mean to frighten her, he just wanted to know she'd be alright while he was gone. The knowledge making her feel a little breathless, and making her ever-present butterflies dance. She just nodded her head, whispering, " I promise." His eyes running over her features, he slowly lowered his head, brushing her lips with his. His right hand slid along her spine, coaxing her little body closer. His other hand resting palm down with its fingers splayed wide in the small of her back. Her sweater and tank top had ridden up her back when she hugged him, allowing part of his fingers and hand to connect with the soft warm skin of her lower back. The feel of her bare flesh under his fingers, aided in quickly moving the kiss from chaste to something more. His fingers flexed digging into her back slightly causing her to respond. She arched her back into him slightly and angled her lips more fully under his, her little tongue searching his out. After a few minutes, Toll pulled himself away, refusing her shy offer to come in, he might have no matter how unwise the idea was. If he hadn't known he needed to go find Tool. The conversation he needed to have with his friend, he'd rather not have with an audience, which was what would happen if he waited till tomorrow. So, he reluctantly left her, not being able to resist pressing one last kiss to her lips. Then got in his truck and drove across town. It had began to rain again when Toll pulled up in front of Tools shop, he shut his truck off and got out, heading for the door.

Long after he'd left and Mac locked herself safely behind her front door and placed herself in bed. She found herself plagued by thoughts of Toll, unable to sleep, her mind reliving everything that had happened today. Even with the pallor Neal had cast on the day, she still felt happy.

* * *

><p>Tool looked up when the door to his tattoo parlor opened, shocked to see, Toll Road walk in at this late hour, wearing a worried and somewhat angry expression. "Toll Road, what can I do for you, brother?" Tool asked, intrigued by what his, unlikely, late night visitor could need. Toll didn't answer right away, just continued to walk closer, he had the look of a man, with heavy thoughts. When he did finally speak, the look in his eyes, conveyed his discomfort. "I need a favor." He said simply, holding Tools gaze.<p>

"What's that?" Tool asked curiously, wondering what could have possibly brought on the intensity in Tolls eyes.

"Macs had some issues, with her ex.." Toll began, anger coiling his inside again. He continued, "he came after her.. She fell.." his voice trailing off. "Look, he's in jail but he will most likely be out tomorrow. She'll be with her brother, but the asshole... It's not the first time she's had problems with him." Tool listened to his friends awkward, stumbled over explanation, concerned. After a brief pause, Tool asked,"is she ok?"

Toll held Tools gaze, and answered, "Yeah, she fell trying to get away from him and bruised her face up pretty bad, knocked herself out.." Tool asked. "You want me to keep an eye on her?"

"Yes and I gave her your number, just incase." Toll answered.

"Alright." Tool responded, watching Toll Road closely, something in Tolls mannerisms telling him there was something more, another reason than him simply wanting her safe. He asked, the question, leaving his mouth before he'd even realized he had the thought, "are you two, together?" The light in Toll Roads eyes changed, some of the harshness leaving his features, he replied, "Yeah, we are." Tool watched him, for a minute having no idea what to say, but happy for his friend none the less, "I'll do what I can, Toll." He assured him.

* * *

><p>Toll knew, when he announced he'd be back after they gotten done at the hangar, there would without any doubt, be some heavy speculation about his destination. He rarely left the hangar in these instances, he hung around and waited. Lee, often left heading off to see Lacey. Caesar, would go to get food and sometimes to see his kids, depending on how long their absence was going to be. Gunnar also disappeared, getting food and doing whatever else it was Gunnar did. Billy, Yang and himself, usually stayed behind helping Barney if he needed it, or just getting comfortable and settled in for the long trip to whatever local they headed to. Several pairs of eyes, turned in his direction when he was the first to announce he was taking off, only one didn't look surprised, he noted. Not offering an explanation, he walked out the hangar and got in his truck. He had an hour and thirteen minutes to get clear to the other side of city and back, and he wasn't wasting a minute.<p>

Toll wasn't really surprised when his phone rang, "yeah?" He answered. Hale's curious voice coming on the other end, " so, I'm confused am I getting you food this time or are you getting it?" Cute, Toll thought to himself, since when did Hale worry about what he wanted to eat unless Toll asked him directly to pick him up something, he answered, "you can pick me up the usual." Referring to the sandwich he usually asked Hale to get for him in these instances, which, Toll thought wryly, Hale usually complained about getting. Surprisingly, that was the entirety of the conversation, no innuendos about where Toll was going, no smart ass remarks, just an ok by. Toll, bet Hale knew exactly where he was going or at least who he was going to see, he however was certain Tool knew.

His GPS had been wrong about the address to her office, it had ended up taking him a few minutes longer to find it then he'd intended, he luckily found parking quickly. He walked toward the small, quaint, old business front with its large windows dominating the it. Sinclair Catering scrolled across the glass. Feeling unease settle in his stomach, even knowing what they now were to each other, he couldn't stop the feeling. Largely, no doubt, because it still didn't seem real. Taking a deep breath he stepped inside, a bell went off, looking up he smiled, at the old-fashioned brass door bell, that hung over the door on a coil spring. Turning his attention to the room in general, taking in the pale blue walls and white trim, he found it empty of people. Uncertain, if he should go look for her, he decided to wait.

A young guy, maybe in his early twenties, with dark blond hair and hazel eyes, stepped into the room. The smile on his face faltered slightly when he saw Toll, after a moment the kid asked, "can I help you." Use to the intimidation his person inspired in some people, Toll asked making sure to use a friendly tone, "is Mac around?" then added, for the kids benefit, "she's expecting me."

The kid, gave him a surprised look and said, "I'll let her know your here?" The kid watched Toll expectantly for a moment and Toll realized he waited for his name, "Toll." The kid gave him another look, Toll assumed this one had to do with his name.

Mac was in her office with Anna, when Aaron shoved his head in the door, "hey, boss?"

"Yeah?" She asked, turning her attention to him, noting his uncertain facial expression.

"There's a big guy here to see you, I believe his name is, Toll." Macs smile took Aaron completely by surprise, she said, "bring him back." Ignoring Anna's speculative look, she shooed her out of her office, taking a moment to quiet the butterflies rioting in her stomach. When Toll stepped into her office, instantly filling the small space with his large presence. Heart pounding, all she could do was smile at him, her eyes taking a quick appreciative trip down his muscular body. Her mouth going dry when she noticed how the thin black material of his t-shirt fit his broad shoulder, and hung across his tightly muscled stomach. The thin material tucked into his pants, emphasizing his thickly muscled waist. Toll watched her closely as her eyes slid across his body, his body tightening in response, he said, to remind himself as much as her, time was short, "I've only got about fifteen minutes." Mac instantly flushed, her eyes slowly coming to his, an embarrassed smile on her face. He looked down at her an amused look in his eyes and soft knowing smile on his lips. Still feeling embarrassed under his watchful gaze, she stammered, "I didn't think... I mean it's." Toll felt his smile broaden, at the sight of her obvious discomfort from being caught checking him out. Stepping closer, he said, "I told you, Id be here, if I could." The look in his eyes and the gentle tone of his voice, had Mac, moving closer also. She stopped directly in front of him a soft smile on her face, still looking a little awkward with herself. She reached out and touched his chest before she realized what she was doing, quickly pulling her hand back. She bit her bottom lip, her cheeks pinked a little more, she smiled up at him shyly. Her voice low and sweet, she said "I'm glad you did." The smile that followed her words made his breath falter, and his chest to constrict, all humor gone from him, his smile changed turning tender, she's happy to see me, he thought. His hand reached up of its own accord, cupping her cheek gently, he ran his thumb along the bowed edge of her full bottom lip. Tracing that smile.

* * *

><p>Mac couldn't say when she got home that night she wasn't weary, between Liam, Toll and her father, she was all nerved up. Liam had been at the court-house with her this morning when she'd filed the restraining order. Making her promise she'd wait at his house for him till he got off work. Her father had called before he went to work and then again on his lunch break, worried. Making sure she'd filed the restraining order, asking if she'd talk to a lawyer yet, offering to come to New Orléans if she needed him. Then Toll had come to her work.. Even in her present state, the thought of being in his presence did its magic, making her feel.. As cheesy as it sounded, safe and cared for. He'd told her again, watching her closely that she needed to call Tool if anything happened, admitting, leaving her made him nervous. Holding her face in his hands, he'd held her gaze, telling her he just needed to know she was alright.<p>

* * *

><p>That first night, on the plane Toll couldn't rest, he knew he'd done what he could to ensure Macs safety. But, still he hated this not knowing if Neal had come looking for her. He'd made bail, but it hadn't been posted when he'd left, Toll had told Tool what he knew before he'd gotten on the plane. She'd told him, she'd check in with Tool everyday or so and he believed she would but it wasn't the same as being there. Finally, pushing the worry he felt to the back of his mind, he concentrated, on how she'd made him feel when he'd walked into her office.<p>

Her hesitant touch on his chest and her shy smile, the way she'd responded to his kiss. And the way she'd looked when she playfully chastised him for saying goodbye, instead saying he needed to tell her, I'll see you soon. She didn't like goodbye, but the thing that got him the most, was when she'd hugged him tightly, wrapping her soft little body around him and whispered, 'I'm going to miss you.' The pressure building in his chest had become painful. He'd simply tightened his arms around her, it was her that had initiated the kiss that followed. She'd leaned back and looked up at him, her eyes focusing on his lips, her body shifting in his arms. Her arms unraveled from around him, one hand sliding up his back to his head the other resting lightly on his chest. She'd pulled his head down, her lips brushing his briefly as she caught his bottom lip between hers, then she'd pulled back. Her beautiful eyes focusing on his lips, her cheeks flushed, then she'd risen up on her toes brushing his lips a second time.

At that point Toll had taken over, kissing her gently mimicking her movements. He felt a shiver pass through her body, her trembling hands, tightening. And he'd deepened the kiss, Mac, eagerly, accommodating him, angling her head to grant him fuller access to her soft lips. His own hands tightening on her body.

His mind reliving every second of it vividly, his breathing ragged, his body had felt like a tightly coiled spring. When he'd pulled back, she'd been equally shaken, he'd just pulled her close and held her for a second more.

* * *

><p>Stepping foot inside one of the many villages that dotted the countryside of Western Europe, gave a sense of stepping back in time. This small Ukrainian village was no different. If anything, it gave the impression more so, than many Toll Road had been to. Located as it was, in the Luhans'ka oblast, on the eastern border of Russia. The population in the surrounding area was sparse.<p>

The village didn't only look and feel ancient, it smelt ancient. The constant cold, and damp of the area, gave it an earthy sort of smell, a smell only a place as ancient as this could achieve. The stone buildings lining the narrow, cobbled streets, were a weathered ancient gray. The masonry work of many, of the building facades, cracked and crumbling and in need of repair. The chipped stone shingles of many on the roofs, covered heavily in moss.

The neglected, and timeworn structures, added to the visual appeal of the place, lending credence to Tolls earlier thoughts the village, seemed out of time and place in this world. He knew the others would laugh at his vaguely poetic thoughts.

Apparently, market day, in the small quaint village, carts sat along a section of the old, stone road. When Barney and Lee had left to meet their contact, Toll had decided to wander through the many carts instead of going in search of food, like the rest of his comrades.

The thoughts and worries of what he'd left behind in New Orléans had weighed heavily on his mind most of the night. He knew he had to set some of his fears aside. Telling himself, she'd be fine, Tool would look out for her. But, it wasn't the same as being there himself, yesterday when he'd left her office, he'd known he wouldn't be able to just leave, home at home. He'd bring his worries and fears with him, he'd kept reminding himself last night, while Gunnar snored away at the other end of the plane, he needed to put all of it out of his mind as much as possible.

He wandered farther through the carts, of salted meats and fish, and produce. Then ones of brightly colored cloths and handmade trinkets, and other modern things, pausing when he happened across a cart of what he was certain, were hand carved children's toys. A small whimsical pig with outstretched wings, painted in bright colors caught his eyes. A bright red ribbon, looped through a small hole carved into its back, made into a hanging ornament. An amused smile on his face, he reached out and picked it up, holding the small ornament in his hand. He met the eyes of the old lady on the other side of the stall.

Leaving the market stalls behind, he tucked his small parcel safely in his pocket and went in search of the others. He hadn't gotten far when he saw Barney and Lee, all thoughts of Mac left his mind when he saw the expression on Barney's face. Whatever he'd learned this morning wasn't good. Toll's eyes moved to Lee and his expression was no less bleak, dread filling his stomach, he waited for them.

The news, Barney had brought from his meeting, changed everything about this mission, drastically. Not one of them wasn't affected by the news Barney conveyed. Barney had received misleading information originally, when he'd been approached for this job, he'd been told it involved rescuing Michael Caswell, a little man swimming in the big pond of Washington's back door politics arena. But in truth, it wasn't Michael Caswell, they were here after at all, it was his children, two little girls. The contact they'd met this morning had tried to talk his way around reveling the true situation.

But Barney with the help of Lee had convinced the man they needed the facts. Apparently, Michael Caswell wasn't as good and pure as he wanted people to think. His shady business dealing, had caught up with him, making his two young daughters a target. The reason information had been withheld being, the first two teams they'd approached hadn't wanted the mission. No one ever wanted to take the missions that involved children. You never knew what you would find, if they'd be alive, if they'd been abused. How they would react, to their rescuers. Barney couldn't say that he'd have taken the job either, if the facts had been given to him straight.

Even in the beginning something had felt off about the situation, but the six million dollar pay-day had been just enticing enough, he'd ignored his misgivings. Telling himself, the people who approached him for jobs, were only ever as honest as they need to be. But they all knew, no matter how undesirable the mission had just become they weren't walking away.

It didn't matter that, the new intel also told them, the place the girls were being held was a fortress, that they had absolutely no idea what area of the house they were keeping the children in. It didn't matter that they'd be outnumbered. They had to go, not matter the cost.

And the reconnaissance mission they went on later that day, only reveled the situation was worse still. They learned a great deal but none of it reassuring, making a bad situation worse. Not only were they greatly outnumbered, but they'd be running in the dark after they entered the building, a frequency jammer was in place, so there'd be no radio contact. And having to guess where the girls might be, meant they'd have to split up quickly, that wasn't anything new, but not being able to use radios ment if someone got in trouble they'd be on their own. They didn't even have a clear floor layout of the structure. It was going to be the blind leading the blind.

* * *

><p>Fuck! Was all he could think when he turned the corner and saw the dead-end in sight. Thankful, at least there was a pile of crumbling partition wall close to the end of the tunnel. It would afford him some cover as he made, what just might be his last stand. Ignoring that thought and pushing his body harder, in hopes of making that crumbling wall. His lungs protested, his busted rib making it difficult to breathe. He dove for the wall just as bullets flew, peppering the stone basement wall in front of him, and the scant cover now behind his back. He took a series of shallow breaths, giving his protesting rib a chance to stop aching. He'd known the moment he'd taken that shot from the high-powered rifle, in his side the bullet connecting with his vest, that his rib was broke.<p>

Pausing long enough to allow clarity to set in, he contemplated his situation. And for a brief moment, as the events happening around him slowed down, he thought for certain he was dead. Not being able to see his way out of the situation he found himself in. Alone, and pinned down as he was behind, a crumbling rock wall, in a dead-end tunnel. One of the many that made up a labyrinth beneath, the three hundred year old manor house this mission had taken them to.

He and Hale had found the girls, but they'd been forced to split up, the enemy nipping on their heels in their retreat and running low on ammo, Toll Road had told Caesar to go and take the two, little, blond-haired, blue-eyed girls. Assuring Caesar, he'd lead their pursuers off so Hale could get them out of the building and to safety. Hale had gave him a skeptical look but knew it was the only way, saying, "I'll send whoever I run into first back to find you."

So, Toll waited, pistol ready, hiding behind a wall partition, listening as the men chasing them drew closer. He managed to take out three of the six men giving chase, but then more appeared. And Toll made a split second decision, diving for the corridor across from him, he managed to make it. Taking a shot in the vest in the process, he rolled pulling the pistol up and shot the first three men who appeared, pistol empty he chucked it. Gaining his feet, he pulled up his, M4A1, he fired a few warning shots backing down the corridor quickly. Reaching the end of the corridor he turned to the right and ran, knowing he had no idea where he was going. Just hoping all the men had followed him instead of splitting up and some perusing Hale and the children.

And here he set, bad luck having propelled him down a dead-end corridor, pinned down behind a crumbling wall, and four rounds left to take out... Well, he didn't know exactly how many guys, but a hell of a lot more than four.

This entire mission had been a joke, bad intel from the beginning. The contractor kept things from Barney, things they'd needed to know. Like the number of armed men likely to be present, like how well fortified this manor house actually was. Barney would have walked, normally but this time there were children involved, they all knew they couldn't walk away.

A bullet hit the wall behind him, sending a piece of broken mortar over the wall and into his lap. This was it he told himself, He had four rounds left and he knew he needed to make everyone count. God, please, let me out of this, he thought.

Adrenaline kicking in, he focused on the situation he shifted his body, the clap of a gun going off, echoing off the walls. A bullet, flew over the top of his head lodging it's self deeply in the rock of the wall he faced. A deep voice, heavily laden with the European accent, native to this area said, "give yourself up."

* * *

><p>"Fuck." Toll mumbled to himself, he knew he wasn't getting out of this alive unless someone of his comrades showed up soon. Another shot went off, the bullet, lodging in the wall behind his back. He heard voices conversing in a low tone, the dialect foreign to him. He heard the sound of them moving closer. Lifting his, assault rifle over his head, he fired, a loud grunt told him he'd hit someone. Wishing he still had his pistol and some ammo. He used the diversion he'd created, to roll onto his stomach, pain searing his side, he awkwardly brought his rifle up, taking aim, he shot quickly hitting another in the chest, getting off one more shot before they opened fire.<p>

He quickly rolled back behind the wall. Damn it.. There were at least eight of them and he had one bullet left. Trying to decide on the best course of action he quickly realized there wasn't one. But, he wasn't going down without a fight.. This was it.. Then he heard it, bullets flying, his perusers distracted from him returned fire, snapping into action, he moved.

Carefully edging closer to the men, who stood with backs to him now, he snuck up on the first, and shot him. Using the dead mans body as a shield, Tolls hand went to the trigger of the gun, the man still held in deaths grip. Shooting two, gripping the .50 M1A1 he'd just procured, he wrenched it from the dead man's hands and shoved the body away. He killed one more, his still unseen rescuers finished off the last two standing. Then he heard Barney holler, "Toll Road?"

"Yeah," Toll answered finally breathing a sigh of relief. Barney appeared around the corner, pistol still up and at the ready. "You alright?" Barney asked.

* * *

><p>Toll watched the two little girls huddled up together, close to Billy's side, it seemed Billy was the only one that didn't terrify the poor things. He couldn't really say as he blamed them, all of them except for Billy, Yang and maybe Lee, looked like exactly what they were. Monsters. The ones that lived under beds and jumped out of closets. The smaller of the two looked at him, her gaze widening for a moment, her eyes focusing on the granola bar, he held in his hand, then coming back to his eyes.<p>

He put the book he had in his other hand down and grabbed his bag. Pulling another granola bar out of the pocket, he set his bag back on the floor. Holding her bright blue gaze, he leaned forward, holding the bar out. Her weary gaze moving back and forth between the granola bar and his face. He smiled gently and extended his arm farther, saying reassuringly, "go ahead." She just turned her head and cuddled up closer to her sister, who also watched. Her eyes no less uncertain than her sister, he grabbed his bag, pulling out a small bag of nuts. Watching both of them, he held out his hand again.

Billy, by this point had noticed the interaction and said, "it's alright." Two pairs of bright blue eyes left Toll and moved to Billy, when they returned to Toll. The oldest eyes were still extremely wary, but the younger ones held a slightly more trusting look. After a moment she slid from the bench, and hesitantly stepped toward him, her uncertain eyes fixed on the food. She snatched the food quickly from his hand and scurried back to her seat between her sister and Billy.

Toll leaned back picking up his book, but found himself unable to concentrate, his eyes traveling to those poor little girls again. He wondered exactly how they ever cope with the horror of the last few days. Being kidnapped from their home. Locked in a small dark cell, he remembered vividly how terrified they'd been when they'd found them. Hiding in the corner of that filthy dark little room, trying to make themselves disappear into the wall. The younger of the two he speculated, couldn't be more than five or six, she'd likely repress the memory. In some ways, making her the more fortunate of the two. The older, he'd bet was around nine, maybe ten, she'd likely remember every bit of this, vividly, most of her life.

This was the one reason he'd always been hesitant about having a family. No matter how badly he wanted one. It's what had kept him from marrying Sarah, when she wanted him to, in this line of work you made enemies and at times, you had to continually look over your shoulder. Waiting for that person stalking you in the shadows to make their move and come for the retribution they felt you deserved.

No matter how much he wanted more, he also knew exactly what mankind was capable of. And some men would stop at nothing to get what they wanted, these two poor little bedraggled girls were proof of that. He suddenly got a vision of Mac in his head, his stomach instantly filling with unease. There was so much she didn't know, so much that could destroy everything. He shook off the apprehension filling his body, refusing to contemplate the future. He'd wanted her for too long and now that he had her, he refused to think about a future that hadn't even arrived yet. Deciding, instead, to take the happiness offered him no matter how fleeting It might be. He did, however worry about how she'd react, when she saw him, well their actually there weren't any plainly visible bruises on his body. But his busted rib made him nervous, now that things had changed between them, she'd almost certainly know. He'd better figure out what he was going to tell her about this particular problem and make it convincing, she'd have plenty of questions as it was without this complication.


	27. Chapter 26

By Friday afternoon Mac wasn't feeling so happy, this entire week had begun to make her feel like she had no control over her own life. Between the visit to her lawyers and the constant hovering of the males in her life, she felt angry and caged. Every independent instinct she possessed rallied against it.

Her phone had started ringing incessantly, as word got around about Neal. One of the first was Jake, mad because she didn't call him, she didn't try to explain the reason she hadn't called him was because she didn't want to add to the all the drama. She just let him say what he felt he needed to, before he finished he told her she shouldn't feel surprised if he showed up in town. Mac had said alright, but said to herself, at the same time, that's just what I need another overprotective male. Her father and mother called at least three times a day. She knew her father felt guilty for not being more supportive when she'd left Neal but in her father's defense she'd never told him the truth. Unfortunately, that fact made her feel guilty, knowing her actions had only added to the rift between her and her father. Adding that knowledge to the situation only made her feel worse.

She hadn't wanted all of this, everything that was happening in her life right now. It didn't matter, who or how many people encouraged her, telling her she'd done the right thing, and using the much hated epitaph, 'you're stopping yourself from becoming a victim.' She felt like a victim, but she had come to realize, unless you'd personally been in this situation, you couldn't understand how it felt. The suffocating feeling the well-meaning imposed, no matter how inadvertently only added to feel off completely being out of control of her own life.

If she wasn't supposed to be a victim and if all these well-meaning people didn't want her to feel like she was a victim, they needed to let her feel normal. Which was proving impossible, with the constant babysitting and concerned phone calls. As far as phone calls went, she'd called Tool like she promised. Letting him know on Monday that Neal was out, she felt silly making that phone call. She didn't know why, beside it felt slightly weird to have to call a man she barely knew and keep him updated on her life. She had a hard enough time making herself keep her family updated, she was just a private person.

But on Wednesday when he answered the phone, he was the only person she'd talked to all week, that didn't make her feel like she had a sign posted on her forehead that read, I need to be coddled. He'd answered the phone, 'yes?'

And she said, "hi, Tool?"

"That would be me and this is my friend, Mac."

"Yup." She'd answered a slight smile in her voice from his previous reply. Remembering again, she really liked this odd man, with his strange taste in clothing, plethora of strange tattoos and friendly mannerisms.

"Is everything good?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm just checking in," she trailed off for a moment thinking about Toll, a faint smile lighting her face, she continued. "Like I told him I would." Tool chuckled at the tone of her voice when she'd said the word him, just like he had when she called him the first time. And he'd almost teased her about who 'him' was, she'd sound so sweet when she said it, but he didn't, instead saying, "well, darling you know where I am if you need me." After a moment more he asked, his voice growing serious, "have you seen him?" Not needing Toll to explain he was asking about Neal, she breathed deeply and answered, "no." She wanted to reassure Tool that she didn't think she would see Neal but she couldn't, she didn't really know what to expect. She didn't think he was that dumb, but she'd also thought he'd stay away from her before.

"Be careful and let me know if you need anything." He said.

"I will." She assured him and said, "thanks."

When she'd hung up with Tool, she'd felt somewhat better. But now that it was Friday, the thought of calling him again, only added to the oppressive atmosphere that surrounded her. Then she reminded herself she was doing this for Tolls benefit and no one else's.. She had to admit as warmth settled in her body, she didn't mind the thought of him wanting her safe, it was everyone else that irritated her. A soft smile stole across her lips at the thought of him, she'd missed him this week, which, she mused wasn't anything new, really. But, things were different now, a shiver danced along her skin at the thought. Now she was, now they were, she hadn't been able to name it all week. She just new they were, and that's what mattered. Mac told Liam and Tess that she and Toll were together, but they'd been the only ones. It wasn't that she didn't want to tell her mom and dad or Jake for that matter, it was just all to new to her, it still didn't seem real. And with everything else going on in her life, she didn't want to taint her fledgling relationship with, horrible thoughts of Neal. Especially, before shed hardly gotten a chance to make any memories with Toll. Shoving her thoughts aside, she picked her phone up off her desk and called Tool.

* * *

><p>The sun was making its westerly descent across the horizon when they landed in New Orléans. The blue sky, clear, of all but a few puffy white clouds. The crisp cool autumn air flooded the plane the moment the hatch opened. Toll breathed the air in as deeply as his busted rib would allow as he followed Billy and his two little companions off the plane.<p>

Toll was always glad when they arrived home, but this particular mission being over, made him happier still. He'd come a little closer to death this time than he liked. Having death stalk you like it did, all of them when they were on a mission was one thing, you tended to become desensitized to it's always present shadow but staring it point-blank in the face was another. But this time was much different than any near death experience he'd had in a longtime and there had been many. This time _she_ was waiting for him, the thought made him smile and his body tighten but at the same time made him worry. He had spent most of the plane ride home agonizing over things he couldn't control. His present physical state only making his apprehension worse until he finally forced himself to let be.

He heard the gasp of the oldest girl and her excited voice holler "daddy." The sounds pulling him from his own thoughts, he looked up as she took off running, dragging her little sister behind her. Toll watched the reunion for a moment, as father picked up both daughters simultaneously and hugged them. The realization hit him that this time, they'd managed to save someone deserving of their efforts, two someones actually. This time it was worth the personal price he'd paid to see these little girls reunited with their father, even if Michael Caswell was less than what he wanted people to believe, his children were innocent.

Looking around the hangar at his comrades, Toll noticed he wasn't the only one that understood the significance behind this moment or what they'd just achieved. The look on all their faces conveyed they understood. Even Barney's anger over being lied to seemed to fade a bit at the sight of the happy reunion.

Toll watched a moment more than started walking toward his truck and after depositing his stuff inside his eyes searched out Tool. He had his own reunion to attend, one that at this moment was making him nervous. And for more reasons than just a busted rib. He'd spent a large amount of time while he was away hoping and praying everything was alright, that Neal had stayed away, that he wouldn't come home to find Neal had hurt her again. He knew if anything had happened Tool would have made sure he knew, but still it wasn't the same as being here. During the daytime, when they were active he'd managed to keep his worry at bay, but at night it became almost impossible. His mind focused on her and everything that could go wrong while he wasn't there, he'd tossed and turned every night getting little sleep. Wanting to see her, wanting to hear her voice so he could convince himself she was safe. After he made himself nearly sick with worry, he would finally fall asleep.

During the day, the knowledge Tool was aware of the situation and keeping an eye on her made him feel better but at night nothing helped. Caesar, had asked Toll about her, their second night away while the others slept. Asking him how she was and accurately guessing it was she, Toll had gone to see before they left. And Toll had told Hale almost everything, telling him Neal's bail had been set, but not posted before they'd left. Toll even told him he'd asked Tool to keep an eye on her. But Toll had kept to himself the change in their relationship. He needed time to get used to the idea himself, his life had changed a lot in one day. The only reason Tool knew, the exact nature of Tolls relationship with Mac was because he guessed. Toll had appreciated Caesar attempts to reassure him Mac would be alright that Tool would make sure of it, but it had done little to quell the worry he felt. And in the morning it had made him feel stupid when he thought he'd off loaded all his worries off on Hale.

Somewhere a long the way, a new set of worries added themselves to the mix, he found himself vaguely worrying about if she'd still want him when he got back. He'd had to tell himself several time that she was the one that did the asking, she obviously wanted him. His own insecurities about the situation had made him feel disgusted with himself. Yang had told him once a few years ago, 'you think too much,' and he knew his friend was right but in this instance he couldn't help it.

Pulling himself from his thoughts, Toll glanced at Barney for a moment noting the earlier softening he'd seen in his bosses eyes was gone. And quickly decided, watching Barney walk toward Michael Caswell, he wouldn't wanna be Caswell at this moment. Barney was pissed about all the lies and the overly clandestine nature of this mission. Toll had to admit, if he was in that position he didn't know that he'd be truthful, if the truth wasn't getting him anywhere, either. Quickly dismissing his thoughts, his eyes went to Tool, who was walking toward him. Tolls gaze searched Tools face for an indication something was wrong. Tool, noting the anxious expression on Toll Roads face said, "she's fine, brother. I just talked to her this morning."

"Neal?" Toll questioned, even though he knew if she'd had any direct problems with him Tool would have mentioned it first. Tool shook his head, holding Tolls still anxious gaze and said, "no, she hadn't seen him as of this morning." Tools words allowed him some relief.

"Did you tell her I'd be back today?" Toll questioned next.

"No." At that moment Barney appeared asking , "Toll Road, you going to see, Doc?" Tolls eyes met Barney as he replied, "Yup, heading there right now." He met Tools gaze and nodded saying, "thanks." Tool smiled, and answered, "anytime, brother."

* * *

><p>Toll walked out the clinic, they used when necessity called for it. Feeling somewhat better knowing his rib wasn't actually broke, only bruised. He had thought for certain he'd busted it, but he wasn't complaining, it meant the recovery time got cut in half 3-4 weeks compared to eight. As happy as he was about the not broken rib, it didn't change the fact he still had to explain it to Mac.<p>

'The Doc' at this particular clinic, in New Orleans inner city slum, had a long-term and lucrative arrangement with Barney. If they needed medical assistance, 'Doc,' took care of it, making sure no one asked questions. He even made house calls if the situation called for it. And Barney rewarded him handsomely in the monetary sense, for his help and discretion. 'Doc,' would have likely just done what he did to help out a friend but Barney didn't believe in free gifts or favors. Toll knew Barney well enough to know, Barney would rather not look the gift horse in the mouth, so to speak. Never one to be beholden to anyone, he insisted on the exchange of money.

Barney had known 'Doc' since Bosnia, a field surgeon both Barney and Tool had developed a friendship with during the war and the clinic 'Doc' now operated was the perfect front for the guys to use. As many stab wounds and gunshot victims as Doc saw here on a weekly basis, it was easy for the guys to just slip into the mayhem. Not raising any eyebrows. It was sad really, the cops paid little attention to the goings on in the area, only coming in for all out gang wars. Ignoring, the meth labs and drug dealers on every other street corner. Pulling out his phone as he walked to his truck Toll called Barney. He'd told Barney he would let him know what Doc had to say. When Barney asked him if he was planning on coming to the Old Point later that night, Toll had thought for a moment about simply telling Barney he planned on spending time with Mac, but instead said. "No." For a moment Barney hadn't said anything. And he didn't question Toll, when he did finally speak, he said "alright." That was basically the end of their conversation, after they hung up Toll started his truck and headed home.

Barney hung up the phone, wondering what was going on, it wasn't like Toll Road hadn't said no before. But his answer coupled with what Barney had overheard as he walked up to Tool and Toll earlier, at the hangar, made him wonder. All he heard was, 'did you tell her I'd be back today?' Then Tools, 'no.' He knew who the her was Toll had referred to, there was only one possibility. And he didn't like it, not at all.

* * *

><p>After Toll showered, he decided to shave both his facial hair and head. Not really certain if his choice to bic his head was because of needing to do it or needing an excuse to postpone seeing Mac a bit longer. He knew it was awful to think that way, but the idea of seeing her almost made him feel sick. He didn't know how he should act around her, he'd never really known how to just be with her. Now it was worse, and his rib didn't help the issue. And that coupled with the knowledge she couldn't leave anything alone, she always had questions, made him nervous.<p>

She defiantly wasn't the type of women who would take some half-baked excuse about him being injured. Or where he'd really been the last eight days. Not wanting to start their relationship off on lies he'd decided on a partial truth. It still made him feel horrible, but what alternative did he have? None. His entire body recoiled from the idea of telling her, he couldn't, there was no way. If he did, he knew what could and would most likely happen and it wasn't a risk he was ready to take, just yet. He'd just got her, he wasn't willing to looses her not before he'd even gotten a chance to just be with her.

Forcibly, dismissing his worries, he grabbed his phone off the counter, and walked into the bedroom. She hadn't been home when he got to his house earlier. Feeling ridiculously nervous, his stomach flipping he opened his phone. Musing, as he set down on the foot of his bed, he defiantly felt like a teenage boy. He still couldn't help the effect calling her was having on him at this moment, her words from the last time he'd seen her, echoed through his head suddenly, 'I'm going to miss you.' Those words seemed to steady him some as he dialed her number. She answered quickly her voice sounding excited, "you're back?" He chuckled at her eager tone, the chaos he felt inside him subsiding more, "yeah."

When Mac hung up the phone, she felt jittery he was back her mind kept saying. The thought that'd he'd be here with her soon, made her skin tingle, she was so happy. Suddenly all the stress of the past week, didn't way down so heavily on her, the knowledge that he was back counter acted it all. She went in search of Anna and Aaron, planning on hurrying the rest of the prep work, of the food, for the meeting with her new client tomorrow. Toll said he would be here in about forty minutes and she don't want anyone hanging around. Mac sent Aaron home after a half hour, she and Anna finished up what Mac still need to do.

* * *

><p>Toll pulled up in front of her office, still nervous about seeing her and feeling anxious about his rib, he hoped to god, she could just except what he had to say, and didn't push it. He didn't know what he'd do if she didn't. But he wanted to see her bad enough it didn't really matter at this second. He needed to see her to remind himself this was all real.<p>

She told him when they were on the phone, she had to stay at the office late tonight, and she'd been completely unwilling to wait till she finished, to see him. He chuckled, remembering how cute she'd sounds when she said, "I have a better idea, you can come see me." She said, she'd be home in an hour and he'd told her to call him when she got home but that wasn't what she wanted. So, here he found himself outside her work. His stomach filling with dread when he thought about the explanation he'd have to give her, but at the same time he was happy, knowing she was just inside the building in front of him.

He told himself as he set staring at the red glow of the setting sun reflected in windows of her office, he'd better just get it done before he made himself crazy. He got out of his truck, no less worried than before and walked toward the door, stepping inside he heard the bell go off overhead. A pale little blonde stepped into the room, a big smile appeared on her face, she said, "I'm Anna." Walking toward him her hand outstretched, "Toll." He replied as he took her hand.

Dropping her hand from his, she said, "um, Macs in her office, just go on back, " with a smile. Toll watched the girl walk across the room and out the door. Then taking a deep slightly painful breathe he went in search of Mac, he could hear her talking and at first thought there might be someone back there with her. Then dismissed the idea realizing she was on the phone. He stopped just outside the doorway to her office watching her, his chest becoming painfully tight. She set on the edge of her desk, cellphone in hand, her long hair pulled back into a messy braid that hung over left shoulder. Her bruise was gone he noted and she looked beautiful. He watched her his body tightening more as she hung up her phone and looked at him.

Mac didn't just smile when she saw him. The expression that slowly stole onto her face took his breath away. It started at her lips and in her eyes, and slowly lit her entire face. She looked...he didn't know what the word for it was, but it made his heart race and an answering smile appear on his face. That beautiful and openly happy smile, made him forget his worries about this moment. He couldn't remember the last time someone had looked at him that way? Maybe never. That thought, made another part of his body tighten. She nipped her bottom lip as she stood and started walking toward him and Toll felt his heart pound even faster. Completely, forgetting everything but her.

He's home.. Some part of her whispered sweetly as she walked toward him. The look in his eyes made her already pounding heart, race harder. She bit her lip, holding his eyes. Good lord, she'd forgotten what he made her feel like, when he looked at her like he was right now. This look, made that delicious liquid heat swirl in the pit of her stomach and a blush steal across her sensitive skin. It reminded her of her mother saying, Macs father had made her knees weak, she always thought her mother was silly till now. Now she understood.

Toll stepped into the room and met her just inside the door, the way her bright happy eyes looked at him made his body tense. Her eyes drifted to his lips momentarily then came back hold his, suddenly feeling shy, Mac ducked her head hiding her face. The look in his eyes making goose bumps appear on her skin And a shiver pass down her spine. Toll looked down at her, his chest tightening, a slow tender smile steeling across his face. "You look better, sweetheart." He said softly, waiting for her eyes to come back to his. Mac felt her heart flip at tenderness in his voice, when he called her sweetheart. Suddenly wanting to feel his arms around her, she glanced up at him and whispered, "I missed you," as she stepped closer, and slid her arms around his waist. Tolls hands instantly went to her thin shoulders, his body stiffening, he let out a low hiss, as pain seared his side. Mac instantly dropped her arms always, stepping back she looked up at him, the concern she felt worsening as she saw the obvious physical discomfort that contoured his face. Reaching out and laying a hand on his arm she asked, her voice anxious, "what's wrong?" Breathing through the worst of the pain, her hug had caused, he answered the one question about what had happened, he knew he could be honest about, "my ribs bruised." Mac looked up at him, concerned, confused and curious, her eyes drifting down his body to his chest, "where? Which one?" She asked, concerned, her eyes coming back to his face. Toll watched her, unease filling him, he knew he had to ride this out. Hoping what he had to say satisfied her, he gestured to his right side mid way down his rib cage.

"What happened?" She asked looking up at him, the obvious concern in her eyes and voice, making him feel even worse about the lie to come. He looked away from her a moment a knife twisting in his gut, as he thought about what he had to say to her. It's for the best, he reminded himself. He didn't know if he could look her in the eye and tell her but he didn't have a choice. So, taking a steadying breath he met her green eyes, noting the worry in their depths and said, "a fight, Mac." He could see the questions filling her eyes, panic filling his stomach he reacted, stepping closer and kissing her. Only intending that the contact be brief enough to distract her, her response quickly overtook his intentions. Making him want to feel her pressed against him, he reached for her, she came to him hesitantly. She didn't return his embrace, only snuggling her little body against his chest, careful to avoid any contact with his right side. He knew she was afraid of hurting him again, the knowledge making his heart constrict. Then she laid her hands gently on his chest, her fingers fisted into the material of his shirt and he was lost. His Mac, she yours his mind whispered, tighten his grip slightly, he played her lips a moment more before he pulled back. Resting his forehead against hers as her eyes opened, he took several shaky breaths, tightening his hold on her. She gave him a thoroughly bemused look, like she couldn't think straight for a moment, Toll couldn't help it he chuckled faintly.

Cheeks bright red, she looked at his amused expression. As she slowly came out of the fog his kiss had left her in, she thought for just a moment, about proving to him he wasn't the only that could affect the other that way. Her eyes narrowing at the thought, her gaze focusing on his lips, she decide to do just that. Suddenly extremely curious how he'd respond. She gaze him her best innocent look, artfully biting her bottom lip, trying out her own power over him. She slowly drug her eyes from his lips, which was a chore, considering how he'd just kissed her. She met his gaze, making sure he saw the affect his kiss had on her, reflected in her eyes, she felt his body stiffen as he lifted his forehead from hers. The look in his eyes sent a shiver coursing through her, his gaze became almost predatory, another shiver quickly followed the previous one through her body. Realizing, belatedly maybe she shouldn't play with fire. She watched him lower his head, her mouth going dry.

After he'd kissed her to the point, she had not been able to think coherently again he pulled back, keeping his hands on her arms. She didn't know how he meant the gesture but as she stood there her breathing ragged, she was glad he did it. As ridiculous as it sounded she found herself weak kneed again, the stupidly corny thought, made an amused noise pass her lips. She met his gaze, smiling brightly, amused with herself, greatly. She actually giggled. Toll looked down at her, a smile playing around his lips as he watched her, shaking his head, he felt his smile broaden.

But his diversionary tactics only worked for a moment, she looked up at him concern in her eyes again and asked, "how did you get in _this_ fight?" Toll somehow kept his body from tensing too much, answering after a moment, "it happens." Still not satisfied she gave him a speculative look and asked, "how many were there?" Taking a steadying breath he answered, trying to keep the panic he felt at bay, "a few." Mac looked up at him studying his features, he looked anxious, she wanted to ask more questions but something told her to drop it. He looked like this wasn't something he wanted to discuss, so she reluctantly let it go. Instead smiling up at him, her cheeks still slightly pink, she said, "I'm glad you're back."

Toll let out the breath, he didn't realize he'd been holding when she spoke and he realized she was willing to drop the subject, at least for now. Thank you, he said silently and smiled down at her softly. "I brought you something." He said watching her closely, her bright gaze changed, filling with excitement. "You did?" She questioned, the enthusiasm in her voice causing him to chuckle. She sounded so eager and happy, he held her bright curious gaze a moment more, and replied, "yes." She beamed up at him, and asked, fidgeting excitedly, "well, where is it?" He smiled at her, laughing softly, charmed once again, "it's in my truck." She pulled back completely holding his gaze, "well let's go get it." She enthused, impatiently, her eyes sparkling.

"So?" She questioned, expectantly, as they walked to his truck."So, what?" He countered, looking down at her. His eyes drifting to where, she held one of his hands clasped between both of hers. The softness he always felt around her spreading through his body. "What are we doing tonight?" She asked her voice playful and charming her eyes twinkling. "Doing tonight?" He questioned, entertained. "Yes, silly," she began giving him an expectant look, then continued. "I haven't seen you in a week and a day." Her voice ending on a teasing note. Pausing by his truck door, holding her gaze, his own eyes twinkling."What do you want to do?" He questioned. "You choose," she replied, giving him a big smile. Chuckling, he pulled his hand from hers, and reached up tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, "I get to choose again?" He asked playfully, dropping his hand away from her face. "Yes!" She said excitedly, giving him a cheeky grin, her eyes dancing, "now get my present." She ordered, sounding impatient. "Yes ma'am," he replied, laughter in his voice.

Pulling his gaze from hers, he opened truck door and got in, opening the center console he saw the little handmade ornament. Feeling slightly nervous, and remotely silly about this gift. He hoped she liked it, now that he told her had something for her, it was too late to take it back. Pushing his unease aside, he picked it up and turned toward her.

Mac watched him expectantly, stepping closer to the truck, stupidly happy he'd brought her a gift. She watched him open the center console, struck again by how happy she was he was home, she'd missed him much more than she'd realized. The thought causing her to blush slightly. Another thought popping into her mind and causing her blush to deepen, she'd missed his kisses also. Oh my word, I sound like a greeting card, she thought next, this time she laughed faintly.

He turned in his seat, holding a small brightly colored pig with wings in the palm of his hand, she met his gaze a bright amused smile on her face. Her eyes quickly returning to his hand she reached out and picked up the pig, her smile growing brighter, "I love it." She said, her eyes twinkling as she studied it. Toll smiled himself, her reaction charming him as usual, glad he had been right and she'd like the absurd little pig. "I though you might," he said and watched as her happy gaze moved from the pig to him. "It's perfect," she said holding his gaze. "I don't know if I'd go that far, whimsical maybe, ridiculous defiantly, but perfect?" He teased, enchanted by the happiness on her face. Mac eyes drifted back to the toy in her hand, for some reason looking at the absurd little thing, made something inside her shift. Her chest becoming painfully tight, she remembered that she had wondered what it would be like to belong to him. Now that it was happening, she felt certain she'd never be the same. "No it is perfect, Toll." She assured him, her eyes coming back to his. Toll stared at her, the tender look in her eyes, causing his breath to hitch. "Why?" He asked, caught in her eyes, he suddenly needed to know why it was perfect to her. Smiling shyly up at him, she answered, "I'd love it regardless, but it's perfect because it came from you." Her voice ending on a low whisper.


	28. Chapter 27

The problem Toll had at this moment was the lie he'd had to say yesterday. It didn't matter that it wasn't a complete lie, more of a vague version of the truth. In Tolls experience when you lied to someone you cared about, even if it was a lie of the half truth nature, you still had to live with how it made you feel afterwards.

Guilt, had plagued him ever since he left Mac last night. And that guilt had kept him company in his bed all night. It had been there when he'd woke up and climbed into the shower with him, then shared his breakfast. He knew he didn't have a choice, it was way too soon to tell her the truth and the knowledge of that fact, paired with the knowledge that there would be many more half-truths before he could tell her the anything, made his guilt worsen.

He'd never thought of himself as a liar, even though he'd been less than honest with some people about his life. That was different from lying to someone important to you. Toll had told his brother and father the truth and lost them. When he'd met Sarah he didn't tell her the truth, at least not for a long time. But she'd rarely questioned his excuses or pushed him. Her trusting nature had enabled him to keep her in the dark. Not something he'd enjoyed doing, but it had been easier than telling her. He knew that wouldn't work with Mac, not in the long run. Nor was hiding what he did really an option, he'd learned his lesson with Sarah. Mac already asked him more personal questions in the time he'd known her than Sarah did in the first six months they were together. Mac was persistent and inquisitive and that awareness of her nature, made him worry. When he'd finally decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Sarah he'd told her the truth and she'd left him. Well, more accurately she'd waited till he left on his next job and then left him, packing up what she could and slipping off. She hadn't left him any note to explain, but her actions had spoken loud enough. He had foolishly looked for Sarah, just needing to know she was alright and when he found her she had already moved on. They'd been apart two weeks and she'd already had another man. He didn't approach her that hadn't been part of his plan at any point, but the knowledge that she'd already moved on hurt. Even if she'd simply done it to help escape the memories of monster he really was it hurt. When he'd sold the house they had owned together, he'd dealt with Sarah's older sister, whom he didn't believe Sarah had told the truth about why she left. Thinking about Sarah's reaction made the unease he felt about telling Mac turn to dread.

And his own fear about how Mac would react coupled with his anxiety over Neal left him feeling sick to his stomach. She hadn't wanted to talk about Neal last night, he could tell. But she had anyway. He'd known Neal had stayed away, but hearing it from her lips made him feel slightly better. He was home now and he'd seen for himself and heard from her she was alright. But he knew he wouldn't be able to just leave her again when the time came with nothing resolved as far as Neal went. And Toll knew with a certainty he'd leave before the court date set for two weeks in the future.

Another fear had hit him last night as he kissed her the last time. His body had responded more than slightly to the feel of her warm little body and the taste of her lips. He knew he couldn't let things go too far physically with them at least not at present, he needed to somehow find the nerve to tell her everything before it went that far. He didn't know if he'd be able to forgive himself if he took her to bed with his lies. As much as he wanted the physical part of their relationship, it would only make him feel worse when the truth came out. He'd inevitably end up feeling more guilty, like his lies got her there, even if that wasn't necessarily true and it would make it harder to let her go if she chose not to stay with him.

Shoving the thoughts and anxiety he felt aside, he got up off the couch, throwing the book he'd been trying to read onto the arm. He might as well give up on them right this second, if he was going to sit and let all of these worries manifest at the moment, he told himself in irritation. He'd be better off not worrying till he had to. He glanced down at his watch, it was only nine thirty so he had two and a half hours till he was supposed to meet her at her office. Focusing his mind on how he'd felt when she'd asked him to meet her at her office today instead of the guilt twisting his insides. Reminding himself, she wanted to see him and spend time with him, at least for now and his time would be better spent concentrating on that and not worrying, or allowing himself to over think things, he couldn't change at the moment.

* * *

><p>Mac woke up early and drug Liam out of bed, he didn't want her running by herself. So she got him up every morning and made her go with him. She had hoped she could get Toll to go with her on her morning runs, once he was back. But a bruised rib made that impossible and he really shouldn't even walk with her. She'd never personally had a bruised rib, but Liam had and so had Jake. And neither of them acted babyish when it came to pain, but they'd still had a hard time doing anything that may make them breathe harder.<p>

Last night, had been great. But it was always that way with him. After he'd given her that ridiculous little brightly colored pig with wings, they had gone and gotten him food. They left her jeep at her office and Toll drove them to AL's. On the way It was he that reached out and took her hand this time, the gesture had added to her already happy mood. In retrospect, she wasn't sure she'd stopped smiling since he'd called to let her know he had gotten home. The feel of his calloused fingers sliding along her much softer ones only added to the happiness she felt and the tightness in her chest.

Mac hadn't been hungry, but shed been more than content to just order pumpkin apple pie and be with him. The effects of being in his presence helped her to relax and not feel everything was so far out of her control. He did ask her about Neal, and even though she knew he had a right to know about the last week, she almost asked him if they could wait to talk about it till today. As the words formed on her tongue the question died in her throat. She sat holding his gaze knowing, she had to tell him. So, she did, telling him about seeing her lawyer and told him they'd go to court in two weeks. He asked, her concern in his eyes and voice if she'd seen Neal. When she answered no, she could see relief wash over him.

After they left Al's Toll had taken her back to her office and waited for her while shed gotten her stuff. She hadn't thought he was going to kiss her again till they were getting ready to leave. He had just reached out taking hold of her arm and pulled her closer. And that kiss was different, by the time he finished kissing her, she'd been silently begging he wouldn't stop. Wanting him to finish what he'd started so desperately she felt like jumping up and down and throwing a temper tantrum. But no, he'd given her a vaguely amused look that had her eyes narrowing in suspicion. She was positive the big jerk knew exactly what she wanted. He took her arm and led her the door, making sure they'd locked it, then walked her to her jeep. Placing her safely inside, his eyes still a little amused. He told her he'd see her tomorrow, and then followed her home. So she spent half of the night tossing and turning and thinking about him.

* * *

><p>RDX, polyisobutylene, diethyinexyl, sodium nitrate, SAE 10, and copper wire he wrote down as he was doing an inventory of the supplies he needed Barney to pick up. He should have restocked when they took time off but he hadn't wanted to. He desperately needed that break from work and even doing this task hadn't been appealing. He checked over the list one more time to make sure he hadn't missed anything. Then pulled off his glasses and glanced at his watch, ten forty.<p>

No matter what he'd tried to do to keep himself busy this morning, time hadn't moved as quickly as he wanted. He wanted to see her. He wanted to look in her eyes and see if she still believed him. He'd managed to keep most of his quilt at bay since he'd undertaken the task of making this supplies list. But he had nothing to do for the next hour and twenty minutes. He glanced at his watch again and quickly decided to take the list to Tools before he went to meet her.

Apparently, Toll had picked an advantageous time to show up at Tools. Barney was there with Lee and Tool. They'd already been contacted about another job, Barney and Lee were leaving on a scouting trip tomorrow morning. Barney wasn't sure it was a job he wanted to take. But he'd still asked Tolls opinion now about the demoing of the on sight structures. There were three main structures and apparently a series of underground tunnels that connected the buildings. One of Tolls first thoughts, though he didn't voice it was that he had enough of hidden tunnels with dead ends.

Barney and Toll stood bent over the table in the back room at Tools going over the rough blueprints of the buildings layouts. As Barney explained to Toll more about this potential mission. If Barney accepted it, they'd be headed again for Europe this time to India the mission objective was to find and execute an arms dealer, that also potentially had his hands in the human trafficking trade. Before Toll knew it the forty-five minutes he had left before he needed to head to Macs work was over.

Barney had noticed Toll had looked at his watch a few times and wondered if he had some place to be but Barney didn't ask. Instead waiting for Toll Road to speak up if that was the case. And he did finally speak up after nearly an hour, saying he had to go. Toll hadn't offered any sort of explanation, but Barney felt certain it had something to do with that girl. As he watched Toll walk off he saw him exchange a look with Tool. Barney found himself wondering exactly what Tool knew that he didn't.

* * *

><p>Macs watched Mrs. Price walk to her car, feeling extremely happy their meeting had gone so well. A new client was always reason to celebrate. But what made her happiest about today was that Toll would be here in about an hour, the thought making her smile broaden more. They weren't going anywhere to eat, although she hadn't told him that she planned on them eating right here. And maybe if she was lucky she could get him to kiss her like he had last night again. Her body instantly growing flushed and warm at the thought. Actually, she thought wryly, it probably wasn't a good idea not here anyway. She would still need to be able to think coherently the rest of the afternoon. And just the thought of it sent heat coursing through her body, made skin feel tight and left her flustered.<p>

She watched Mrs. Price drive away and then headed back to her office, to get the company credit card. It was time to tell Anna, Aaron and Gauge they got an hour and a half paid lunch and that included their food.

Almost an hour later Mac stood in her waiting area, waiting for Toll. He wasn't late, she was just anxious. She wanted to see him and if she hadn't had a meeting this morning she'd have taken the day off if he was free. As stupid as it sounded, she thought she might turn into one of those women that had to spend every moment she could with the man she dated. That, at least in her case was largely to do with the fact he was gone so much. She suddenly found herself wondering when he'd be leaving again. He pulled up at that moment, shutting off his truck and Macs heart began to pound. After a moment when he didn't come inside Mac decided to go to him. She stepped outside noting his gaze was downcast, she walked to the passenger's side of his truck and opened the door.

Toll pulled up in front of Macs office and shut off his truck he sat there a moment staring at the windows in her shop, like he'd done last night. He'd decided on the way here, he wasn't telling her he might be leaving again. It would be at least four days, maybe five before they would go and that was if Barney decided to take the mission once he'd been to India. Lost in thought as he was, Toll was surprised when his passenger side door opened. He lifted his gaze, looking in that direction, to see Mac standing in the open door. The hint of a smile tugging at her lips and expectant look in her eyes. Toll watched as she leaned forward, bracing her elbows on the seat and resting her chin in the palm of her hand, her head tilted to the left slightly. Her eyes traveled down his body as she asked, "were you going to come inside or just sit here all afternoon?" A slight smile started playing on his lips and lit his eyes, he watched her answering, "I just pulled up two minutes ago." Her eyes slowly came back to his as she said softly, "yeah, but that's two minutes you could have been inside with me." Toll knew she was playfully flirting with him, trying to charm him and it worked. He held her gaze a moment the soft teasing look in her eyes, making his body tighten.

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><p>"So where are we going for lunch?" Toll asked her as he followed her into her office. His eyes traveling appreciatively down her back, over her thin white short-sleeved linen shirt, that cinched in at the waist. Then lower, along the line of her gently rounded hips encased in dark blue jeans, to her black ankle boots. His eyes slowly traveled back up her body as she cast a look over her shoulder at him smiling softly, " I thought we could just eat here." She answered as she looked in front of her once again. Then went on the explain as they entered the kitchen, "I have plenty of food left over from this mornings client meeting."<p>

After they entered the kitchen, she directed him to a stool by the island. Toll set down watching her closely, as she moved around the room getting his food. Mac was aware he watched her move about the room, she'd didn't have to look at him to know, she could feel it. He'd always watched her when she was near him, but now it was different. She had gotten exactly what she wanted, being with him. But she found his watchful eyes even more unnerving now, a shiver passed along her spine and her skin began to tingle as she thought about the way he looked at her last night. She pulled herself from the dangerous direction her thoughts were heading and took the deep breath as she grabbed his food out if the warmer and turned toward him.

After their eyes met, she quickly had to look away. And not because his eyes held any certain look in them besides maybe curiosity. She looked away because, his overwhelmingly male presence was setting on a stool in her work space. That presence filling the room, making the space seem smaller than it really was. That and the fact, she knew he had kept his watchful eyes on her as she had gotten his food, made the room seem small and air feel thin and charged. Giving herself a mental shake, she looked at him again, her cheeks turning slightly pink, she walked toward him saying. "We have grilled sausage stuffed calamari with glazed pearl onions and grapes. And grilled lamb chops porcini and cucumber, buffalo mozzarella and farro salad." Toll gave her a speculative look then looked down as she placed his plate on the counter in front of him. Mac laughed faintly at his uncertain facial expression and encouraged "try it, it's actually pretty good." She laughed again, watching him with her eyebrow arched. Guessing by the way he eyed the lamb it probably wasn't something he cared for. She didn't say anything just turned and grabbed her own plate from the warmer and set down close by. She thought about telling him he didn't have to try it but decided against it wondering if he was one of those men that would eat something he didn't like and not complain, out of fear of sounding rude. Sure enough when she looked at him he was trying it, his facial expression conveying just how much he didn't like it. Mac couldn't help it laughter tumbled out of her. She quickly looked away deciding she better get him something to drink, she got up and walked to the fridge. When she turned back toward him, she laughed again. "What's so funny Kamron?" he asked suspiciously, watching her walk toward him her eyes twinkling. She passed him the water and said "oh nothing." Mac took her seat again, smiling at him and asked, "tell me something about you?"

He finished chewing the calamari, which he had to admit was pretty damn good, way better than the lamb, then asked, "like what?" He questioned watching as her pretty green gaze focused on his mouth. Then her eyes came back to his and she smiled faintly, "I don't know, anything you haven't told me." A thoughtful look entered her eyes and she asked, "well, I know you wrestled in college and during high school but did you play any other sports?" Holding her gaze, he smiled softly at her, this was one of the things he liked most about her, and at the same time one of the thing that worried him. Her inquisitive nature. "Yeah," he answered, holding her curious gaze, "I played Hockey until I got into high school." Her smile broadened slightly when a mental picture of him, suited up to play hockey entered her head. "When did you start playing?" She asked, her eyes drifting to his lips, then coming back to his gaze. He felt his chest tighten at the curious look in her eyes. "Ten," he answered, then took another bite of his food, his eyes traveling over pretty face. Her eyes drifted to his lips again as she asked, "what position did you play?" Waiting for her eyes to come back to his, he watched how her gaze seemed fixated on his mouth. When her gaze finally came back to his, he thought for just a second about kissing her, but dismissed it, even as his body responded encouragingly. He said, "I was an enforcer." Macs smiled softly as she met his eyes, "aw, that's so cute," she said. Toll held her gaze a smile tugging at his lips. Their lunch conversation consisted mainly of Mac asking all sorts of random questions as usual, thankfully they were all harmless. Her gaze frequently straying to his lips as he talked and ate. She paid almost no attention to her own food, appearing vastly more interested in him than it.

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><p>Mac stood leaning against the island her heart beating in her throat, as he moved closer. Placing both of his hands on the counter, one on each side of her hips. She couldn't pull her eyes away from his, the purpose burning in them making her breath catch. She knew what he intended, what he was about to do to her, the knowledge making her tremble. Her eyes slowly drifted to his mouth, that mouth she had just stared at for the better part of an hour as he ate and talked. Liquid heat began to settle in her abdomen and lower. Color stole across her sensitive skin, she waited breathless and shaking for him to do it. Wanting to touch him, she reached out sliding her trembling fingers along his sides. She felt his muscles jump and contract as her fingers slid across his t-shirt, settling on his waist. She hadn't planned on urging him closer, but the feel of his overly warm skin through his shirt and the response of his muscles, made her want him nearer to her body. Her hands trembling, she'd pulled on him slightly.<p>

Toll watched her knowing this was a dangerous game he played. But he couldn't help it, he'd watched her the last hour or so as her eyes almost constantly focused on his lips. Shed been silently begging him to do this. The look in her expressive eyes, making his body respond. And now that he had her little body trapped between him and the counter, his body responded more. After her eyes drifted to his mouth, he allowed his own gaze to travel over her, noting the rapid rise and fall of her chest and the delicate pink staining her skin. But what made his body tighten more and something primal come to life inside him was the visible tremors passing through her body. Vaguely realizing as he stepped closer and started to lower his head, if wanted to keep them out of bed, he'd better figure out how to control his own reaction to her. He watched as her little hands went to his waist, disappearing under the green material of his button down shirt her slender fingers sliding along his sides against the thin material of his snug fitting white t-shirt. His breath catching in his throat as she urged him closer, she looked up at him again, her lips slightly parted her eyes a darker green than before and filled with want. He lowered his head the rest of the way, keeping his hands on the counter not touching her, he felt her breathy gasp when his lips touched hers and her trembling fingers dig into his sides. Pulling back for a moment he stared down at her, he was in trouble he thought as his grip on the counter tightened and he lowered his head again. This time when his lips touched hers, he slid his tongue into her mouth, kissing her the way he really wanted to and knew he shouldn't. The soft gasp that escaped her this time spurred him on, the feel of her kissing him back fully, measure for measure, made his grip tighten more on the counter. He was so caught up in their kiss, he wasn't aware one of her hands had left his waist until he felt her place it on the back of his neck. Then she stepped into him slightly her chest brushing against his. He knew he should stop this but he didn't. Keeping his hands firmly on the counter, he told himself he could keep control as long as he didn't touch her.

When he finally broke their kiss it took Mac a moment to collect herself. She still stood between him and the island, one of his arms resting on either side of her body. Her eyes focused on the rapid rise and fall of his chest. Her befuddled mind informing her, he'd finally really kissed her and he was more than adequate. Another silly thought entered her head, she wondered if she looked as well kissed as she felt. Her eyes still focused on his chest, she remembered his rib her eyes snapping to his face, "are you ok?" She asked, as her concerned eyes traveled over his face. Toll smiled down at her tenderly, "yeah," he answered, knowing she referred to his rib. Actually, it hurt like hell at this second, but he didn't tell her and it really didn't matter how much it hurt anyway, it was worth it.

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><p>Mac had seen Anna and the others pull up, Anna had texted her less than three minutes before, teasingly asking her if it was safe to come back yet. Mac had quickly disappeared back inside because she still hadn't fully recovered from Tolls attentions. She was trying her hardest to look busy when she heard Anna's voice, "Mac?" She looked up from the stack of invoices on her desk, noting the worried expression on Anna's face, she asked, "what?"<p>

"Um, Neal was just sitting outside." Anna said worry in her voice. And all the happiness Mac had just been feeling fled. A shiver of apprehension tickled her spine and a feeling dread settled in the pit of her stomach, she asked, "are you sure?" Praying Anna was wrong. Anna nodded her head bleakly, "yes, he was setting in a little gray Volvo just down the street. It wasn't me that saw him first it was Aaron." Mac stood up abruptly and said, "show me."

"He's not there anymore Mac. When we were pulling up and your friend was driving off he left. Just call the cops Mac." She dialed the police as she hurried out of her office and through the building to the sidewalk outside.

* * *

><p>Neal had known he shouldn't go looking for her, but he couldn't help it. Since he'd gotten out of jail, he'd had to hide out, not leaving his parents house. He lived in constant fear of a reprisal over an accident, he hadn't meant for her to get harmed. And now his entire life had been turned upside down. And it infuriated him, made him angry enough, he'd destroyed half the furniture in his parents' house. Until his father had told Neal it was his own damn fault. He should have stayed away from her. And he knew his father was right.<p>

But still here he sat, he convinced himself if he could just see her, find some way to talk to her he knew he could make her understand. Maybe get her to drop the charges, he'd promise to leave and never come back. But as he sat there he realized, his own stupidity, they were to volatile something bad would end up happening. He'd decided to leave when he saw her step out the door and walk to the passenger's side of the black dodge that had just pulled up maybe a minute or two ago.

Curious, he decided to wait a moment, watching her open the passenger's side door and lean inside. After a few minutes she stood up again and stepped back closing the door. Then walked to the front of the truck, Neal watched Mac so intently he didn't notice the man until he stepped fully into view. Noticing instantly the bald mans large size, and even from this distance he could see the adoring look on the on his face. Mac stood with her back to Neal, but he could tell just from her posture she was flirting with the guy.

Stupid little bitch, he should have known she'd have someone waiting in the wings. She never could seem to behave herself. He watched, anger filling him as she reached out and tugged on the mans hand, then turned so her back was toward her office and started pulling him toward her as she took a step back. No doubt the smile he could partially see was one of her artfully coy ones. She dropped the man's hand when he started to move and turned herself. He watched them step inside and again thought about leaving, but decided he wait instead. A second or two later he watched as Anna and two more of Macs employees left. On, how cozy, Neal thought to himself, the little bitch has a date.

It took nearly an hour and a half for the man to leave, he stepped outside Mac behind him. He quickly noticed they held hands, and Mac gave the guy an adoring look of her own. He watched a few minutes more as they stepped out of sight on the other side of the truck. He started his mom's car and waited noticing Anna's car pulling up in front of Macs office and the dodge backed out into the street. Mac walked back inside. When Anna got out, she looked directly at his car, Neal wondered for a moment if she'd seen him as she drove by but quickly dismissed it. She did little more than glance in his direction and then turned, walking toward the building.

He waited for her to walk inside, then quickly decided to follow the guy in the dodge. Carefully keeping his distance so he wouldn't be noticed. He followed the truck clear across town to Macs street and watched the truck turn onto her road and then pull into a driveway just down the street.


	29. Chapter 28

**Sorry this took so long ladies... Hope you all enjoy it! **

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><p>Mac stood on the sidewalk in front of her office and watched officer Bailey's police cruiser back onto the street. A heavy sense of anxiety hovered around her. Mac felt like she might lose the contents of her stomach at any moment. Why is he doing this, her mind kept questioning. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? She stood there for a long moment, staring at the street and wishing like hell that things were different. The roar of Liam's truck engine dragged her from her thoughts. She met his concerned eyes and she felt like she would be sick. She didn't look away from his angry blue gaze. Mac braced herself, not because she was afraid but because the reality of this situation scared her. You're never afraid, she reminded herself. A voice from a dark place inside her questioned her resolve. Maybe you should be, it suggested gravely.<p>

Mac got into her jeep and drove, unsure of her exact destination. All she knew was that this weight she carried was about to overwhelm her. She didn't know what feeling was consuming her at the moment. It wasn't anger or fear. She knew what that felt like. No, this was numbness. Bailey showed up shortly after she called him. Once he'd taken the report and talked with both Anna and Aaron, he told Mac he would go talk to Neal, but there wasn't anything they could do; Neal hadn't broken his restraining order. Moments after officer Bailey left, Liam arrived. Mac had answered Liam's questions quickly and listened to him fume. When he was finished, she had to get away. With Liam's well-meaning presence, Aaron's concerned looks and Anna's hovering, she couldn't staunch her panic.

"I've got to get out of here," she announced.

"Alright, let's go home." Liam said. That certainly wasn't what Mac had in mind. She told Liam in a very matter of fact way she was going to spend sometime by herself. Of course, Liam hadn't liked it. So an argument had begun, growing more heated by the moment as Liam questioned the intelligence of her taking off alone. She knew she'd said some things she'd regret when she finally cooled her heels, but at the time, she couldn't help it.

When Liam asked her what she'd do if Neal followed her, Mac had simply told him she'd be fine. She knew if she let the panic take root, it would grow like a cancer, and she couldn't allow that. It wasn't in her nature. She had never been afraid and she wouldn't start now. If she did, Neal would win and she'd become that victim everyone kept telling her she was. They didn't realize that by treating her differently, giving her those weighted looks, they were making her a victim. But it ended now. She was going to take her life back.

However, she did feel guilty when she thought about Toll. She probably should have at least called him, but that thought made her feel sick to her stomach. She couldn't even imagine how he felt or what he thought. She didn't want him to feel he had to protect her, but she knew he would and did. The whole situation was frustrating. She hated that things were so out of control. She hated the fact that by starting this relationship with him, she'd placed him in the middle of this situation. She also knew that he would feel an obligation to be there for her, even if they weren't romantically involved. But would you change that? Her mind questioned and the answer was simple. No, not for anything. She glanced down, her eyes catching on that silly little pig he'd given her last night. Her chest tightened painfully. She had cared for him too long to change her ways now, he was the only thing she felt certain about and the only person that made her want to smile in this moment of weakness.

She pulled over and picked up her phone from the passenger's seat where she'd chucked when she got in. Mac had to call Toll. She knew he wasn't going to like her taking off alone, especially not when she told him where Neal had been today. Taking a deep breath, she had just started to dial when her phone rang. Mac thought for a minute about dismissing the call but decide against it. She sighed heavily, not really surprised to see it said 'Mom' on the display.

"Hi." Mac answered, that churning feeling in her stomach worsening. "Kamron?" Her mother asked anxiously.

"Yeah, mom?"

"Liam called your father." When Mac didn't respond, her mother continued, "your brother said, you were having lunch with a friend at your office and Neal was outside?"

"Yeah," Mac confirmed her voice faint.

"Liam, was really upset and hard for your father to follow."

Suddenly wanting to cry, she calmed herself as much as possible and began. "That's basically it. I was having lunch with Toll and when he was leaving and Anna was getting back, she saw Neal just down the street watching. I called the police."

"What did the cops say?"

"There's nothing they can do, Officer Bailey said he'd go talk to Neal. But technically Neal didn't break his restraining order." Her mother was silent a moment, when she did speak she sounded more worried than before, "I'm sorry, hun."

"Yeah, me too." Mac said fighting tears again, "I know everyone's worried, mom, I just needed..." She trailed off. Her mothers said gently, "I understand, but you need to be careful, Kamron."

"I know, I just.. I can't... I just hate this mum." pushing down the emotions welling inside her she asked "what did dad say?"

"He's pretty upset, Kamron. He's worried about you I'm actually surprised he hadn't gotten on a plane and headed for New Orleans by now."

"Yeah."

"Do you want me to have dad call you?"

"Yes."

"I'm sure he already plans on it, sweetie, but he's training a couple young guys at work and when he'd established you were alright, he called and told me to call you."

"Oh."

"So, why don't you tell me about this Toll?"

"Toll is.." She began pausing, boyfriend seemed silly and wasn't an accurate term. There wasn't a thing about Toll that said boyfriend. The thought of him made her smile softly, regardless of everything else going on. "Well, mum his name is actually Garrett and he's the man I'm dating." Marguerite Sinclair was taken off guard by the suddenly soft quality of her eldest daughters voice.

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><p>It felt strange, Mac decided as she drove to Liam's, to talk to her mother about Toll. It wasn't in anyway a bad thing, just odd. Somehow, it made their relationship seem more real. Her mom already knew a bit about him or knew he was around. Mac wasn't sure however if Liam had told their mom that she and Toll where actually a couple now. One thing was for certain, when the subject of his age came up her mom had been a little shocked. Her mom paused for at least fifteen seconds before speaking again. Her voice was gentle, "that's a big difference, Mac."<p>

Mac pulled into Liam's driveway, bringing an end to her thoughts. It really didn't matter what her mom thought, Mac wanted to be with him.

She ended up staying at Liam and Beth's for two hours, most of which she'd spent on the phone with her dad. While she alternated from pacing and holding Charlotte, she spent most of the time crying. She told her father she just wanted it to all go away and he told her that it would get better, but it wouldn't ever go away. The only thing she could do, he said, was exactly what she was doing, assuring her that by making Neal accountable, she was doing the right thing. Mac understood that making him accountable was right, but it didn't make her feel any better. She just wanted it over and done with and then she never wanted to think about it again. Her father had also said, you never know, maybe it would make Neal a better man in the end, but it will make you a stronger person. Her father had then gone on to tease her about dating a man with one step in the nursing home door as, he put it. Mac quickly pointed out to her father that he was sixty two himself. She wasn't sure if her father's teasing was a form of censure or not, she didn't expect him to be pleased, but she wasn't worrying about it. By the time she had gotten off the phone with her dad, she felt better. Although, she did have an inkling that his teasing about Toll was because of his displeasure about the age difference.

He hadn't said anything directly, but Mac knew her father.

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><p>Toll hadn't been home long when he heard the knock on his door. Wondering if it was Mac, he glanced down at his watch and headed for the door. It was a still a little early for her to be off work, but he decided quickly that if it was her, he could get used to her hurrying over to see him. The smile on his face broadened for a moment when he opened the door and saw her. The smile disappeared completely as he met her eyes. His body grew tense and filled with apprehension. His concern grew as he looked at her. Mac looked like she'd been crying. "What's wrong?" He asked uneasily. She quickly looked up at him before looking away. She stepped past him and into the house. "Mac?" He questioned his body turning as his gaze followed her.<p>

Macs over worked nerves rioted harder when she heard apprehension in his quiet voice. She couldn't answer his question so she stepped past him and stood there, frozen for a moment. Her stomach threatened to empty its contents when she heard his gentle and concerned voice say her name. She really didn't want to have this conversation with him, she didn't know if she could even get the words out. Reaching up and running her fingers through her hair, she forced the only word she could seem to form out of her suddenly dry mouth, "Neal."

Toll stepped closer, his body tensing instantly. He wanted her to look at him, "Neal, what?" He asked, his voice strained. He watched, knowing she struggled with what she was trying to say, she still hadn't turned toward him, but he knew he wasn't going to like it.

Mac heard the apprehension in his voice, and could feel the tension rolling off his body. Detaching herself from her own anxiety as much as possible, she turned and looked up at him, forcing the words out, "he was.." She paused her eyes dropping from his a moment, then her gaze returned to his, and she went on, the words nearly choking her. "He was there today.." She averted her eyes again as she went on, stumbling over the words. "While you... Anna saw him.. He was parked just down the street."

His first reaction as he stood staring down at her, holding her troubled gaze was a hot feeling settling in the pit of his stomach, then it began to wash through him. Starting as disbelief than turning into fear, his eyes traveled over her looking for any visible signs that Neal had harmed her. The the anger came and coiled his body, clenching his fists for a moment, he couldn't see past that emotion as it built inside him. His gaze left hers and fixed on the wall behind her.. The only thing he could think was that Neal had been there today while he was with her. The coward hid in the shadows and... Macs nervous voice penetrated his anger.

Mac watched him closely, seeing his body visibly stiffen, his eyes left her and his darkened gaze fixed on the wall behind her. She couldn't name the look in his eyes, but the intensity was frightening. She knew he'd never hurt her, but that look spoke much about how he felt about her news. Needing him to stop, she said his name softly, "Toll?"

Somehow her soft, uneasy voice penetrated the anger surrounding him. Collecting himself slowly, he looked down at her, holding her worried gaze. Looking at her reminded him he had to keep his anger in check. He took a deep breath as his gaze traveled over face, noting her weariness had worsened. He pushed back his anger then turned and shut the door, hoping the mundane action would help calm him and give him a moment to collect his emotions. He didn't want scare her. "Are you alright?" He asked, his voice serious as he turned toward her. When his gaze met hers, the intensity of moments ago had begun to fade. Mac held his eyes a moment then began to say yes, but stopped herself. She couldn't say yes, not to him, because she really wasn't and she was sick of saying yes; She'd been saying yes all afternoon. "No," she admitted, her gaze dropping from his as she continued, "I'm mad and.." The words died on her tongue when she felt him move closer and wrap his arms around her. She went to him when he pulled her closer and resting her hands on his chest and snuggling against him. After a moment, she heard his voice say gently, "it's alright, sweetheart." The anger and confusion of this afternoon began to break away and that was all it took; The tears from earlier were back.

She hated crying, it usually only made her angry. but standing there, her face buried against his wide chest. she let go. Feeling very world-weary, suddenly, she snuggled closer and slid her arms carefully around his waist.

Unable to fight her frustration any longer, she silently cried. His arms around her and soothing motion of his hand rubbing up and down her spine making the grip she'd had on her emotions all day slip.

Toll sat and listened as she talked, the words once they began, kept coming. She had been close to tears several times as she talked. The knowledge made him want to pull her close and kiss her and at the same time making his resolve to have that talk with Neal strengthen. The anger he felt grew in size but at the same time, an eerie calm settled over him, the more he listened, the calmer he felt. There wasn't much he wouldn't do to change this for her. Unfortunately, he couldn't change it or take it all away, but he could try and make it better.

She told him she'd taken off today after officer Bailey left the office and that she'd argued with Liam before hand. The fact that she'd just jumped in her truck and ran off bothered him, but looking at her and seeing how upset she was, he kept what he wanted to say about it to himself. But what made his fist clench and his anger boil was when she'd looked over at him and said, "I just don't know why Neal is doing this to me. I don't understand any of it." .

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><p>After falling completely apart in his presence, Mac felt acutely vulnerable. She wanted to run home and hide herself she wasn't used to feeling like this with someone, anyone really. And as always he was gentle and soothing making her feel better. He didn't have to say anything, not one word. Whatever it was that made him have that effect on her, she didn't know, but all she had to do was be close to him and he soothed her. She reminded herself quickly she did know what it was about him that affected her that way, it was everything about him, it was man he is. His quiet, steady personality and his watchful gaze and the gentle attentiveness he always displayed around her. And when she felt his quiet, watchful gaze on her he made her feel fragile and.. She never knew what the right word was but he always made her feel so much she wasn't certain she'd ever find the right word or words to describe it.<p>

That night after they'd eaten dinner and watched a movie and Toll was getting ready to walk her home, She asked "When are you leaving again?"

"I'm not sure. Why?"

"The opening day of rifle season is Saturday and my babysitter can't go." Toll nodded the slight smile on his face growing a bit. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, I was kinda hoping maybe you'd go with me. If you don't think it will bother your rib too much?" When he didn't answer just stared down at her that look in his eyes that always made her want to squirm. "I mean, I know you used to hunt and..." He cut her off, his smile broadening more as he stepped closer " you want me to come with you?" Mac had to look away for a moment. the look in his eyes making her heart pound, it was ridiculous how shy she felt at this moment, "yes I want you to come with me." Her gaze going back to his the look in his eyes making her heart pound faster.

Toll stepped closer again when her eyes met his, "if I can find my hunters safety card so I can get a license and I'm still here then yes." Toll watched as a gorgeous happy smile lit her face, her eyes dropping to his lips she said, "good, it's a date then."

He chuckled faintly, completely enchanted. "A date?" He asked teasingly.

"Yes! And seems I asked you out this time does that mean I get to pay for everything?" She teased playfully. The reminder of that day, when she asked him that question, he still found it hard to believe she'd asked by times, made the tenderness he already felt looking at her spread through him. He found himself unable to do anything besides look at her and smile for a moment his as chest tightened. He finally asked his voice rough, "I don't know, are you gonna let me take you on a real date?"

"We've gone on a real date. But before I argue, maybe you should tell me what you have in mind." She teased her eyes alight with a mischievous twinkle. He shook his head, amused, he loved her playful nature, she'd completely charmed him, as usual.

"A nice dinner," he said thoughtfully, a teasing hint to his voice. Her eyes softened, she asked "Like our first one?"

"I was thinking something a little nicer."

"It was nice, Toll. You know what? Actually, it was perfect." Her cheeks grew red, she felt so shy suddenly when she thought about their first day together and how he'd made her feel. "It was?" He asked his chest becoming painfully tight as he watched her, her faced flushed, that shy look entered her beautiful eyes. Suddenly finding it hard to breathe, Mac answered. "Yes, it was."

Stepping closer he lowered his head, his eyes drifting over her face. When their kiss broke and Toll stepped away from her, he always seemed to be the one to step back first, she mused. Her limbs were generally in no condition to move at all. And again his expression was vaguely amused, like he knew exactly the effect he had on her. Needing to break the silence caused by that unnerving expression, she asked. "so, about this date?"

"What about it?" He asked softly.

"When?" She asked her voice impatient. Chuckling faintly at the impatient tone of her voice he answered "how about Thursday?"

"How about Tomorrow?" She countered, giving him an enchanting smile.

"I got something I need to do tomorrow night." He answered, his mind drifting to Neal.

She scowled at him playfully and said in a rather dramatic tone of voice, "fine, be that way." Chuckling again he said "patience, sweetheart."

* * *

><p>Toll walked inside his house and then to his bedroom, his mind fixed on Neal. He grabbed his laptop of the dresser and then walked back to the living room. He sat down on the couch, opened his laptop and turned it on, determined to find out what he could about Neal. Not certain where to start his search, he typed in the name Neal Taton, the name apparently wasn't common. He only found five different people with the last name Taton in the New Orleans area. None of which were him. After sifting through page after page of results for things related to the last name Taton, he stumbled across a link to a Neal Tatan he realized instantly this had to be the right one.<p>

He'd just misspelled the last name. The link description said the article was about the Ronald Holland high school varsity football team. The article was dated 1998, clicking on the link, he waited for it to open. Quickly scanning the names under the picture, he saw the name Neal Tatan listed as the quarterback. The picture was too far away and even zooming in, he couldn't make out his face. Zooming out, he decided to scan the article. It talked about the team's chances at the state title then went on to list the varsity players they were losing that year, mentioning Neal Tatan, their star player had been recruited by 'Ole Miss. Opening up another tab, he typed in Neal Tatan, Ronald Holland high school, 1998 alumni. This time the search was more successful. The first link was to the alumni class page. The second to a social networking site, he clicked on that one, knowing the moment the site opened he'd found his guy.

Toll found several pictures on Neal's profile. Scrolling through his profile picture, there were many of him with different women and a few of him alone, but a certain one in the album caught his eye. He clicked on it. When it opened it was one of Neal and Mac sitting on a bench beside each other. Toll stared at them and then at her. Her hair was much shorter barely reaching her shoulders she had a bright, happy smile on her face, she wore a white sun dress, her legs were crossed at the ankles and she was barefoot. Looking at her made his chest tighten; That wasn't new, but looking at the two of them, he couldn't help but notice how good they looked together. Suddenly Barney's words came back to Toll and he found himself questioning. Why him? The thought took hold for a moment. He knew she wanted him, but he couldn't understand it. She could have found someone better suited to her in both age and looks. He pushed the thoughts aside. Clicking out of the picture, he quickly checked Neal's personal info, finding nothing useful, then exited out of the sight, returning to his search page. He opened the link to the Alumni page. Finding an internal link to registered Alumni, he clicked on it then scrolled to the T's. Finding Neal's name. he read the personal info beside it, 2731 Mockingbird lane, New Orléans.

* * *

><p>Mac curled up in her bed that night, Goose snuggled close to her side. Allowing herself for just one moment to wonder what it would be like to snuggle up close to Toll as she fell asleep. She knew people rarely slept spooned together like they depicted in corny movies and trashy romance novels, but it didn't stop her from imagining falling asleep like that and waking up like that with him. That thought made her wonder what he did at night when he went to bed, she quickly decided he probably read. That thought made her wonder if he'd let her snuggle against his chest as he did it. Just the thought of innocently snuggling with him as he read made her skin feel tight. Then the image of him shirtless in said situation entered her head and heat stole across her tight skin. She bit her lip and ducked her head quickly hiding her face, from the images that followed. "Calm down, Kamron," she said aloud to the empty room.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>And I think I owe some special THANKS to Gail! This chapter wouldn't be done without your help, thanks a million! <strong>


	30. Chapter 29

About an hour and a half later Toll set his computer down on the couch beside him a thoughtful look on his face. It was beginning to make sense now why Neal was the way he was. Toll reached up pulling off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Neal had been basically the equivalent of a hometown hero the golden boy. His talent had placed him in the limelight.

Toll out of curiosity, wanting to know more about the man Mac had obviously once loved deeply had continued to sift through the links on the page. And there were several, they talked about points scored and games won all of them singing Neal's praises, some back as far as junior high. One however, had made things slightly clearer, Neal had lost his scholarship to 'Ole Miss because of an underage DUI charge.

Tolls mind had rationally mulled over these thoughts and he began to see the picture clearer. You take the golden boy the guy who'd most likely had everything he wanted handed to him, giving him a sense of self-entitlement. A guy who'd most likely never learned accountability for anything the guy everyone had always told how amazing he was and then you take it all away. And no doubt the one time he'd fucked up enough before now to have consequences, he'd most likely not understood. Placing all the blame on someone else's shoulders, not anyone in particular just whomever made the best target. Be that the school his parents a current girlfriend or a friend.

It was textbook really and vaguely reminiscent of a bad made for television movie. Neal felt the world and everyone in it owed him something. The golden boy with delusions of grandeur and a grudge. Actually delusions of grandeur wasn't the right term, it seemed like maybe he suffered from paranoid delusions to a certain extent. Toll really didn't know enough about the situation or Neal as a person to make a valid guess but paranoid delusions seemed right. Given the things Mac had told him Neal had said and done to her. Like accusing her of sending Liam and Jake to take care of him. He also believed Neal might suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder, not the kind of OCD everyone suffered from these days, but the real disease and if Neal did it explained a lot about his behavior toward Mac.

The idea made Toll more uneasy than he cared to admit, on his first merc team he'd worked with a guy that suffered from paranoid obsessive compulsive disorder. The guy's name was Terry and he'd only been a few years older than Toll himself. The paranoia had made Terry a better mercenary in some ways, he'd see things others wouldn't, but it also made him dangerous. After Toll left and came to work for Barney he'd heard Terry had eventually gotten bad enough, he'd thought his whole team was out to get him.

* * *

><p>Mac decided if she had to grin and bear the constant hovering and perpetual babysitting for a while longer that she would use the opportunity to get things done she wanted done. She needed to clean out and paint the room between the kitchen and the dining room. Also, she'd like to paint the office or library and clean up some of the garden area between the backyard and the river.<p>

When she'd first moved in she'd commercially licensed the kitchen and there was a second part of that plan. Eventually get the existing gardens behind the house cleaned up and restored and hopefully at some point be able to offer them as a private venue to some of her clients. But it wasn't something she could do all on her own, so Liam staying with her again gave her the perfect opportunity. But first she needed to work on that room, she wanted it done before the holidays and with work, speeding up as people made bookings for holiday dinners and parties she'd better get at it. Pushing her chair away from her desk and liking the idea more and more she got up and headed to the front of her office. Work was slow today and she had finished finalizing the menus on her desk. She walked into the kitchen in search of Aaron.

As much as her mind protested that she could go buy paint herself, she knew she shouldn't. Her mind drifting to Toll, she promised him she wouldn't take off on her own again that she'd be careful. He hadn't asked her for that promise it was one she'd given willingly, he worried about her and even though he hadn't said much she could tell he didn't like the idea of her going off on her own. Thinking about that promise made her want to see him.

They hadn't made plans for this evening because he already had some. The memory of how she'd gotten that knowledge sent warmth rolling through her body and an excited shiver pass over her skin. Thursday, her mind whispered, Thursday you have a date with him one he'd referred to as a real date. She'd meant what she said, she felt their first date was perfect, but he wanted to take her someplace nicer. The fact that she might not see him at all today bothered her, she liked the way it made her feel being close to him. His presence had an almost drugging effect by times. But last night had been different, last night he'd been more. He hadn't touched or kissed her a lot, but the effects of being with him had been as powerful if not more so than that semi heated kiss they'd shared before he walked her home.

* * *

><p>Toll pulled onto the end of his street and instantly noticed Macs jeep setting in the yard. He came to a stop on the road in front of her house, he pushed in his clutch and let his truck idle for a moment. Hoping Liam's truck not being there didn't mean she was there alone, especially after she'd just told him last night she wouldn't do it again. It wasn't something he asked her to do, he didn't like the idea of her running off alone, but he also realized he couldn't tell her not to. He'd simply asked her to be careful cautioning her against it. She'd been the one who'd said she wouldn't do it again.<p>

His gave shifting from her jeep to the quiet facade of her house, it looked like no one was home. Deciding he needed to know what was going on he put his truck in first and pulled into her driveway behind her jeep.

Mac and Aaron had just finished carrying her painting supplies where they need to go when she heard the low rumble of someone pulling in and an engine dying. A bright smile instantly lit her face and happiness coursed through her. She recognized that sound. Toll, her mind whispered. She smiled at Aaron and said excitedly, "I'll be back then hurried to the front door not bothering to look out the window." Her smile broadened as she noticed he was already on her front steps even as she noticed he looked a little fretful. She knew what that look meant and it sent the normal feeling of warmth through her. "Before you say anything I knew it was you and I'm not here alone." Her voice gentle and reassuring. Toll paused on the steps and held her gaze, an amused smile lit his face after she spoke. "Feeling guilty are we?" He teased. "Nope," she answered, stepping onto the porch and closing the door behind her. Her smile softening slightly, she continued, "just happy to see you. And wanting all the possible questions answered quickly."

Toll leaned to the side against the step railing and folded his arms over his chest as he looked at her, his smile broadening, "you're happy to see me?" He questioned gently more because of the effect those words had on him than anything.

Blushing faintly as her gaze turned soft, she answered, her voice tender, "yes, I didn't think I'd get to see you today." Mac saw the light in his eyes change taking on a very unnerving quality, blushing more she dropped her gaze.

Toll watched her blush deepen and her eyes become shy then drop from his. Her softly spoken omission causing that restrictive pressure to start building in his chest, suddenly wanting to touch her he reached out and took her small hand in his, and asked "what are you doing home already?" He didn't ask just out of curiosity he also asked so she'd look at him again. Her bashful gaze coming back to his she answered "I'm going to have Liam help me paint a couple of the downstairs rooms while he's here. So, Aaron and I went to get paint." The red that already stained her skin deepened and spread out across her body as they maintained eye contact. And again Mac found it hard to breathe in his presence, he stood there looking at her, his brow furrowed. That strange light in his eyes, the one that made her want to squirm and hide her face. Thankfully she remembered Aaron's presence inside her house. She dropped her gaze to where Tolls outstretched hand held hers, running her thumb over the back of his warm hand she asked, "why don't you come see?"

Mac coaxed Toll inside telling him, as she tugged him behind her she wanted him to see the paint she'd chosen. He'd followed her happily, he liked this the way she was, wanting him to know things, including him. And as absurd as it sounded her wanting to show him the paint she chosen made his chest feel full. He knew this was what it was like to be with someone, he'd had this to some extent with Sarah, but Mac was different. The way she effected him was different and the way he responded. Maybe it was because the age difference was so great that now he was older he could appreciate this more, or maybe it was because he'd craved a normal life for some years. Or maybe it was because he was afraid this would all just end up a bittersweet memory. The thought twisting in his gut as she tightened her grip on his hand, his fingers tightened in response as they stepped inside the house.

Toll climbed into his truck and started it backing out of Macs drive, his mind still reeling from the kiss they'd shared. He hadn't been with her long, but it had been enough to leave his body and mind in chaos. She'd asked Aaron to give them a moment, Aaron had obliged stepping outside and closing the door. As soon as Toll heard the soft click of the latch she stepped closer raising up on her toes and brushed his lips with hers. He allowed her to control their kiss this time and she had his insides all tied up in the matter of seconds. It was probably a good thing she hadn't been trying to effect him like that or else he had a good idea of where it would have landed them. Even given the fact she just kissed him gently not trying to start anything if Aaron hadn't been there something would have started. He knew he had to tell her about his work and soon, but he also knew he couldn't tell her till after he knew Neal wasn't a problem. If he told her now and she ran away from him like everyone else he'd cared about, he'd go crazy not knowing if she was safe. Growing irritated with himself, Toll focused his attention on Neal and what he had to do. His mind began to shift to the same place it went when he was on a mission. There was a place you went in this line of work that allowed you to separate, you detached your mind from your humanity. Shutting down human compassion you became a type of machine and that's where Toll placed himself. He ignored the fact that this time as he shut down he took that carefully banked anger with him.

* * *

><p>Driving the same vehicle as thousands of other Americans had its perks, it meant you could park just down the street from someone's home and have that person be none the wiser of your proximity. If he drove a truck like Barney's or Lees Audi R8 or even Hale's CTS V he'd stick out. But as it was if Neal had noticed his truck yesterday, which Toll was certain he had, he'd never pick it out, there were three more just like parked beside the sidewalk or in driveways close by. Glancing down at his watch Toll noted he'd been setting here for over an hour already waiting and watching hoping the fucker would leave his house.<p>

* * *

><p>Mac finished up at the office that evening, eager to get her project started, she texted Liam earlier and asked if he'd help her. Well, really it wasn't so much asking as she told him what they were doing and encouraged him to ask Beth to come over with Charlotte. Beth had spent a fair amount of time at Macs since Liam had come to stay and Mac loved having them around. What she loved most about it however was spending time with Charlie. The family dinners were nice also as much as she hated the constant hovering and babysitting it hadn't been all bad. She found herself wondering and not for the first time if Toll would come have dinner with them sometime. She'd thought about asking him before he had gotten back, but then the chaos of the last couple days had overshadowed everything. As stupid as it might sound to others and Mac herself, she'd been saddened when she found out he had plans tonight. She wanted to see him and even though shed seen him this morning she still wanted to see him tonight. Sighing at how pathetic she sounded, she reminded herself, he had a life outside of her and then added and its way too soon for you to be so clingy.<p>

* * *

><p>Toll sat in a dimly lit corner of the Traveler the small, filthy bar that sat beside the Ames truck stop just off route 90 close to the junction of highway 24. Really, he thought as sat watching and waiting he couldn't have picked a better place for Neal to come to drink his sorrows away. The place wasn't in a residential area just sat on a lonely stretch of highway, the clientele consisted of truckers and a few wayward travelers.<p>

Leaning back and getting comfortable Toll ordered a beer when the waitress came, he didn't drink it just held it in his hand, his arms folded over his chest. He'd ended up sitting and watching Neal's parents' house so long he'd wondered if Neal was going to show himself at all. Toll hadn't even had any way of knowing if Neal was even inside or not but in the end his patience was rewarded. It was nearly dark when Neal walked outside and got into the red four-door diesel setting in the yard. Toll had started his truck and waited for Neal to leave, then followed him here. Toll pulled into the truck stop and parked waiting for Neal to park, he'd pulled through and parked his truck behind the rows of empty trailers and trucks, no doubt it was an attempt to keep his presence hidden.

Toll watched and waited as Neal walked inside waiting a few moments before he followed him, not wanting to take the chance that Neal would see him and recognize him. After ten minutes Toll got out of his truck and followed, head down, he walked inside carefully surveying his surroundings. He spotted Neal quickly on a stool in front of the bar.

* * *

><p>Neal stumbled out of the bar in little better mood than he'd entered. The only thought he seemed able to form was the little bitch was destroying his life. She was taking everything away from him and ruining it all.<p>

Only to make matters worse that stupid prick of cop officer Bailey had showed up at his parents house yesterday afternoon. Apparently Neal was seen yesterday, officer Bailey had stopped by to remind him to keep his distance from Mac, but seems Neal had stayed outside his restraining order this was just friendly reminder that fifty feet was as close as he could come to her. When Neal had asked officer Bailey what the fuck the point of his visit was if Neal hadn't broken any laws? The dick head just answered, "just reminding you to observe the rules until you go to court. Neal informed Officer Bailey that if he hadn't broken and rules than to leave.

After officer Bailey left Neal's mood had grown blacker and blacker. The fucking bitch was apparently going to go running to the cops every time she so much as heard he was in the area. He wasn't stupid he knew she was getting exactly what she wanted so of course she couldn't leave it be. Why not, really? She's the one that had gotten everything she desired the house the business, meanwhile he was going to lose it all. She'd even found herself a new man he thought, with disgust as he remembered the big caveman looking guy he'd seen her with yesterday, stupid little whore.

It didn't matter what Neal said, no one seemed to understand she was doing this not the other way around. His own father had told him not to go anywhere near any place she might be. If he did he was acting stupid and asking for trouble and to be frank getting what he deserved. His mother had given him nothing but condemning looks. By tonight he'd had enough of the unspoken accusations he saw in both his parents eyes so he'd decided he need to get a drink.

* * *

><p>Neal fumbled with his keys as he staggered through the line of trailer trucks, he just wanted to get to his truck and get home. Paying little attention to path in front of him as he tried to pull his uncooperative keys from his pocket, he didn't see the man step out of the shadow and into his path. In fact not realizing he wasn't completely alone until his shoulder glanced off of something solid, he lost his balance and he stumbled to the ground. Disoriented for a moment as he looked around and saw feet just a short distance away.<p>

Rolling over he looked up at the offending person who hadn't offered him a hand up or an apology thus far. The man stood with his back to the street lamp, so all Neal could see was his large body back-lit by the light. Instantly mad, drunk as he was not having the wits to see the potential danger he accused angrily, "you should watch where the fuck your going." Sputtering indignantly Neal staggered to his feet.

Toll hadn't intended for Neal to end up on the ground quite yet, if at all, but if he wanted to put himself there Toll wouldn't stop him. Taking a step closer as Neal gained his feet, Toll watched him closely, that anger that had stayed banked since yesterday started simmering hotter. "Aren't you going to say anything? " Neal questioned his voice irritated, his eyes focused on the man whose face was still hidden by shadows. "What are you stupid?" Neal questioned, insultingly, his voice higher pitched than before.

Tolls eyes traveled down Neal's frame, weighing and measuring the man before him, in height Neal was an equal match or maybe even slightly taller but that's were the similarity ended. In bulk size Toll knew had to out weight Neal by at least thirty pounds and even if Neal were sober he'd be no match physically, Toll observed.

Continuing to watch Neal, Toll wondered if the lighting was better if Neal would recognize him, thinking on it for a moment he felt certain Neal would. When Toll didn't respond to Neal questioning his intelligence, Neal stared at him angrily then turned and walked farther into the rows of empty trailers and semi trucks. Toll stayed put waiting he knew where Neal had parked in his attempt to keep his truck hidden.

As he watched Neal's retreating form, still calm Toll felt his anger begin to burn hotter. He waited for Neal to reach the end of the trailer and turn right then followed. But instead of turning right himself, he kept walking straight. Oddly enough he wondered what Gunnar would do in this situation, the answer was easy Gunnar would toy with Neal.

Neal walked, his foul mood only worsening, his irritation with Mac, life in general and that unnamed stranger, blinding him to anything else. He was so caught up in those thoughts he didn't hear someone walking on the other side of the trailer, he walked beside only becoming aware of the presence of another when that same shadowy figure as before stepped into his line of vision again, blocking his path. Neal had no choice but to stop walking, looking at the man in irritation he'd been about ready to tell him to get the fuck out of his way,when the man moved forward a step. Light from a nearby street light illuminating the mans harsh features Neal stared at him a moment vaguely recognizing him. Eyes narrowing, Neal asked, "don't I know you?"

Toll held his gaze taking a another step forward as he thought, not yet but you will.

* * *

><p>Mac said goodbye to Beth and Charlie that night feeling guilty for this situation. She could tell how much Liam being here was affecting Beth, she looked warn and tired and Mac felt horrible. Soon hopefully it would be better, she didn't delude herself into thinking it would ever be truly over, but as long as Neal went to jail thing could go back to normal. The thought of him not going to jail, had that unease coming back. Surprisingly enough it hadn't haunted her much today. A soft smile appearing on her face she knew why that was, it was Toll he made her feel more in control.<p>

* * *

><p>"Yea, I know you. You're even uglier up close." Tolls lack of response was all the incentive Neal needed to go on with his verbal tirade. "Shit, she's really scraping the bottom of the barrel now." Neal sneered his gaze traveling over Toll his disgust evident as he continued, "unless of course you got something to make up for those looks." Snickering at his own crudeness Neal went on, "you got to, but don't feel bad, she always was a little whore like that." Toll watched Neal knowing the filth spewing from his mouth was Neal trying to bait him. The guy really was dumb, but luckily for Neal Toll didn't anger quickly. When the guy didn't respond just continued to stare at him Neal got pissed, swinging with his left arm he watched as the larger man stepped out-of-the-way, not even concerned. Furious, Neal questioned "what are you stupid as well as ugly?"<p>

Toll realized drunks generally had no common sense and weren't known for using sound judgement, but Neal was dumber than most. The guy had absolutely no idea who or what he was faced with. Suddenly, no longer in the mood to listen to the drunken insults and innuendos being hurled his way Toll decided it was time to get his point across. Stepping closer again he made sure he stood in enough light Neal could see his eyes. Toll began to speak his gaze and voice deathly serious, "you seem like a smart man, so stay away from her."

Not surprisingly the drunk in front of Toll didn't get the message."I should have known, it all makes sense now.." Neal said his voice cocky then paused as if waiting for Toll to respond. Toll however, had nothing to say only waited, knowing Neal wasn't done yet. As if on cue Neal spoke up, his voice condescending, "want me to explain? She found herself yet another minion. What did she give you a little so you'd come take care of me?" Neal finished his eyes traveling down Tolls form scathingly.

And that was it Toll had, had enough, reaching the end of his patience. His calm began to slip as the anger that had simmered inside him since yesterday came to life. Obviously, Neal was too stupid to see he wasn't talking to her brother or Jake. Reminding himself not to let Neal bait him Toll stepped forward.

Neal had been about to open his mouth again, when he actually looked into the mans eyes. Neal's words halting before they reached his lips. The man in front of him seemed to grow in size as he stepped closer, his eyes devoid of all emotion the look on his face almost eerie. Neal felt the first trickle of fear seep down his spine, taking a step back, Neal's back connected with a solid wall of steel. The feel of the cold clammy metal seeped through his shirt and made the fear worsen. When Toll spoke this time his voice deathly quiet, he had Neal's full attention, "the difference is you will listen to me. Stay away from her." Toll brought his arm up pressing his forearm into Neal's exposed throat, just for emphasis to get his point across. Toll held Neal's gaze applying pressure, he didn't want there to be any doubt in Neal's mind he meant every word that he said, "if you go near her again you won't be dealing with her brother, you'll be dealing with me." Holding Neal's gaze in the dim light, Toll felt Neals body stiffen and thought he finally saw real fear enter Neal's eyes, "do you understand?" When Neal didn't immediately respond, Toll applied more pressure.

Sputtering and his body tense with fear Neal managed to say hoarsely, "yes."

"Yes, what?" Toll asked, wanting no confusion.

"Yes, I'll stay away from her." Toll watched Neal's features a moment more in the dim light then stepped back dropping his forearm from Neal's throat. He watched Neal drop to the ground hand at his throat. Staring down at the pathetic display with contempt Toll simply and with dark intent reminded Neal, "make sure you do." Then turned and started to walk off. He heard Neal gain his feet and start after him. It was instinct, really, that made Toll spin and catch Neal in the face with his elbow. But, as he stood staring down at Neal on the ground for the third time tonight, Toll couldn't say it didn't make him feel good. He turned fully toward Neal and put his foot in the middle of Neal's chest pushing him back and into the ground, and asked "do you need me to explain more why you're going to stay away from, Mac?"


	31. Chapter 30

Mac leaned back in her chair, a thoughtful expression on her face as she hung up her cell. She'd been talking with her mom and the news her mother had conveyed hadn't really surprised Mac. She'd expected this call at some point, the one saying that her parents were coming to New Orléans. It was after all what any parent that could, would do in this situation, in all honesty, she felt shocked it had taken them this long. But her mom had said her father wanted to be with her when she and Neal went to court. So, they'd be here next Wednesday and were staying twelve days, her mom had said that her father had wanted to come this weekend. But tickets were much cheaper if they waited and flew out Wednesday. They planned to stay with Mac it being the logical choice and it meant Liam could go back home. And Mac had to admit that would make her feel better, she'd started to feel guilty poor exhausted Beth and little Charlotte needed Liam at home at present. If Beth had wanted to stay at Macs with Liam Mac wouldn't have cared, but she felt certain the reason Beth hadn't would be, Liam would prefer both she and Charlotte stay out of harms way. And Mac didn't blame him.

Last night, Mac had sat on the couch in her living room and talked to Beth at some length about Toll while Liam had busied himself with the prep work on the room they were going to paint. Beth had started the conversation and told Mac she'd like to meet Toll. Asking questions all the same ones Macs mom had asked and a few more. One thing, however, was essentially different about the two conversations. Beth wasn't bothered by Mac and Tolls age difference and if Mac had really thought about it, she wouldn't have expected Beth to be. Beth did admit she had known how old he was before she asked and told Mac the same thing she'd told Macs mother and Liam as long as Mac was happy the age thing wasn't an issue.

Mac was, however slightly shocked to find out even Liam had been slightly nonplussed at first, not knowing what to say or how to react. The difference in their ages didn't bother her, but she could see where her parents especially wouldn't like it. Her father, particularly, really what dad wanted his almost twenty-nine year old daughter dating a fifty year old man. Luckily for Mac it wasn't her father's choice whom she chose to be with.

She did however find herself a little apprehensive about how her father would interact with Toll. If there was one thing she knew about Douglas Sinclair, it was that people generally knew exactly how he felt without him saying a word. And people respected him for it. Admittedly, it was a character trait she'd always admired about her father And one she wished they shared. She just hoped her father would keep an open mind for everyone's sake and not condemn her relationship with Toll as quickly as he'd condemned her friendship with Jake. Sighing deeply, Mac reminded herself there were vast differences in the two situations and then quickly added it would be better to wait and see before she started worrying.

As quickly as she pushed that worry away the other side of the same doubt entered her mind. She found herself a little uncertain how Toll was going to feel about meeting her parents, she knew he had his own doubts about their age difference and she had the feeling if Toll found himself in her father's place he wouldn't react differently. She was absolutely certain Toll wouldn't be a fan of a daughter of his dating a man over twenty years her senior. She knew Toll was a big boy and could handle any derision from her father, but she also wasn't certain that it wouldn't make his own concerns bother him more. But if it did, she would deal with it and really it didn't matter Mac wanted him, she had him and she planned on seeing just where this relationship would take them.

* * *

><p>Even though Toll didn't regret what he'd done last night, he found himself wondering exactly what Kamron would think or feel when or if she found out what he'd done. Toll was fairly certain she'd be upset to an extent and that certainty bothered him, he didn't want to upset her. But really it was the only thing he could do, he wouldn't allow Neal to harass and stalk her. And if he was being truthful, he'd done it for himself as much as her, he'd known he'd have to leave her again before she and Neal went to court and he needed to feel he'd done what he could to make her safe. He'd stopped by Tools last night after he'd left Neal. He'd thought first about calling Mac, but quickly decided against it. He'd wanted to see her almost desperately, but had cautioned himself. It was a wise move in his opinion.<p>

Reasoning with himself that the hour was late, she'd most likely be in bed and that he didn't know if seeing her at the moment would help his plan to abstain from the physical side of their relationship. If he saw her now the chances were altogether too high he'd kiss and touch her, possibly starting something he knew couldn't happen. Seeing Neal had allowed some of that carefully banked anger he kept contained to seep out and Toll had been aware as it happened. But then he'd left it to lie impotent and all that pent-up frustration and testosterone needed a release. He'd refrained from using Neal as an outlet, not that he hadn't toyed with the idea of showing the coward exactly how much he meant his words, but Toll had realized allowing Neal's anger to remain unanswered was the best punishment and it would bring a whole other set of problems if Toll touched him. So, he'd removed his booted foot from Neal's pathetic form then bent down and grabbed the front of Neal's shirt, raising him up off the ground and said his voice devoid of emotion, "trust me, you don't want me to explain."

So, he found himself at Tools planning on talking to the man about keeping an eye on Mac while he was away. By nature Toll was a cautious man and even though he felt he'd gotten his point across he'd rather be smart about it. He wouldn't be able to live with it if he allowed the events of the night to lull him into a false sense of security. He didn't know that Neal would be stupid enough to go near her again, but it wasn't a risk Toll wanted to take. His plans to talk with Tool however, were upset when he found Gunnar, Billy and Yang in attendance. It wasn't that he cared if they knew he and Mac were together, it was just that he wouldn't feel right sharing Macs story with all of them, and he knew it wasn't something she'd thank him for when she found out. She like him kept certain things private.

He'd hoped since Hale was off visiting with his kids tonight and Barney and Lee were out-of-town the others would scatter and go off to do their own thing. Gunnar was presently living over Tools shop in one of the many rooms they had all occupied at one point in time or another, so Toll had known he might be around. Toll had, however, hoped Gunnar would be off hitting on Amber or doing whatever else it was Gunnar did when they were home. Toll thought about just excusing himself and going home, he really wasn't in the mood for socializing, but he knew if he went home he wouldn't find any comfort in it. And it made it all too likely he'd give in and call Mac especially if her lights were on when he drove by.

* * *

><p>As usual Mac wasn't prepared for the way the look he gave her effected her when she opened the door. She'd spent over two hours getting ready for this date and hadn't at all been entertained by that fact. As usual the thought of spending time with him, threw her body into turmoil. Making her feel nervous and the fact he'd declared this a real date only made it worse. She had not the slightest idea what Toll would consider a real date.<p>

She found herself inarticulate and could only watch as his eyes left hers and traveled slowly down her body. Suddenly feeling uncertain as his eyes traveled over the indigo lace dress with its three-quarter length sleeves and skirt that ended mid-thigh. She wondered if she'd made the right choice. She'd changed her clothes several times, each time finding fault with the attire, he hadn't told her where they were going, which hadn't helped her. She reminded herself you didn't ask either. But she'd suspected he wouldn't tell her even if she did, when they'd talked on the phone this morning it had only been, briefly, basically just long enough for him to say good morning and to tell her when he was picking her up.

When Toll knocked on Macs door, he felt anxious knowing he had to tell her he was leaving again. He knew she'd be let down, she'd wanted him to go with her Saturday. He'd even managed to find his hunter safety card and had just purchased a license when Tool had called and said Barney, and Lee were on their way back, Ross had asked Tool to get ahold of everyone and let them know what the plan was. Barney had taken the job and they were leaving early Saturday and to expect a briefing tomorrow morning.

Toll had felt ill almost instantly, the thought of having another discussion with Mac about where he was going and how long he'd be gone, made him want to throw up. He found himself hoping she was as easily distracted this time as last time not asking too many questions. He really didn't want to lie to her or mislead her. But he also knew if fortune smiled on him again, allowing him to escape the inevitable, that his luck would run out eventually.

The moment, the door opened all his worries fled, sucking in an involuntary breath when he saw her. She looked beautiful. He held her gaze for a moment then he allowed his eyes to make a slow trip down her body, over the lace of her dress, noting the way it hugged her waist and then flared out gently at her hips. He allowed his gaze to wander lower still over the smooth, soft looking skin of her lower thighs, and then along her tone calf's. She'd worn black high heels the strappy kind woman seemed to favor these days. Her hair pulled up and artfully arranged on the back of her head. The first dress he'd seen her in had made her look young and innocent this one made her look like a woman. Not at all trashy it just left the viewer in little doubt that she wasn't a child. His body tensed painfully as his eyes came back to hers. He then found himself caught in her eyes, the look he found there made his chest tighten and his breath falter.

Mac had only noticed belatedly that Toll himself had dressed differently tonight. In fact, she'd been so disconcerted by the way he'd looked at her, she hadn't noticed the black button down shirt that he wore under his leather jacket or the dark blue jeans that replaced his normal khakis until he'd walked her to his truck. She finally allowed her eyes to travel over him as he turned and looked down at her. Deciding instantly she liked the way the denim hugged his muscular thighs and legs, she wondered for a moment if she'd like the view from the back as much as the one from the front. Her mind quickly stating the affirmative, Mac felt her already pink cheeks color more as her eyes drifted back up his body.

When her eyes met his again Toll felt his body clench and was one step away from backing her into the open truck door and kissing her, but Liam stepped outside and as he turned to lock the door said, "hey Mac don't forget to give me a call before you head home." Toll watched her cheeks darken more as she turned away from him her eyes searching out her brother. "I won't." She assured Liam as he drew closer. Toll pulled his gaze from her slender neck and narrow shoulders, his eyes moving to Liam, whom walked toward them smiling. Liam walked closer, stuck his hand out and held Tolls gaze, smiling, he said, "my little sisters rude, by the way. I'm Liam." Toll smiled and Took Liam's outstretched hand, "Toll." He said, shaking Liam's hand for a moment before he dropped it."Mac said you picked that nickname up wrestling in college?" Liam questioned, his tone friendly.

"Yeah, I did." Toll replied, his gaze meeting Macs for a moment a slight smile tugging at his lips, then moving back to Liam. It was an odd feeling to realize she'd talked with her brother about him and he found he liked it.

"You'll have to tell me about it sometime." Liam said, smiling and noting the way Mac watched Toll, the only word to describe the look on her face was adoring.

"Sure." Toll nodded and said surprised.

" We should all get together and have dinner sometime. I know my wife would like to meet you too." Liam offered next.

* * *

><p>Toll turned his attention back to Mac as Liam walked off. Her green eyes watched him contentedly. Smiling softly, he asked as his eyes drifted to her lips, "are you ready, sweetheart?" The look in his eyes made her cheeks redden, and her breath hitch. She wasn't certain that shed ever get used to the sound of that endearment passing his, lips or the look in his eyes at this moment. Actually, she wasn't certain she'd want to grow used them, she loved the way both gestures made her feel. "Yeah." She replied tenderly, her own eyes drifting to his mouth. Suddenly wanting him to kiss her, she knew that was what he intended before Liam had stepped outside. She watched his lips form the words as she heard his voice, "we better go or we're gonna be late." Macs gaze quickly traveled back to his, she saw that slightly amused look that sometimes entered his eyes. The one that made her think he knew exactly what she wanted. She stepped closer, rising up on her toes and gently kissed his cheek, then stepped back not meeting his gaze she turned and got in his truck.<p>

Toll stood there a second more his eyes traveling over her slender form, watching her get in his truck then adjust the skirt of her dress. She glanced at him smiling shyly, his gazed focused on her lips for a moment, then he reached out grabbed the door and closed it. Once he'd gotten in and they were on the road, he wasn't surprised to feel her soft hand slide into his.

Mac knew the moment they pulled up in front of the Bay Front Eatery he'd chosen this location for her and not him. It was one of the nicer restaurants in the French quarter. And one of her favorites, but she had a hard time picturing him eating Sushi or Nigiri. Unless he'd brought her here for the Teppanyaki that she could see him eating. And glad that if that was his plan he'd brought her here instead of one of the chain restaurants like Benihanas. Still, it wasn't a place Mac could see him feeling at home, but it did explain the difference in his dress tonight.

Toll turned his gaze to Mac after he parked, he wasn't nervous about if she'd like this choice or not. She mentioned to him that night she'd come to his house with barbecue, that another favorite food of hers was Teppanyaki, she hadn't given him a chance that night to confirm that he liked it also. She started talking about something else quickly, pulling conversation in a different direction. He remembered watching her that night, the nervousness he'd felt when they'd set down evaporating quickly, she charmed him and he'd ended up completely at ease with her. That was the same night she'd asked him if they were friends, that memory making him remember how much he'd grown to hate that word. Looking back now he wondered if her random, aimless questions and constant fidgeting that night hadn't been because of something more.

Mac turned her head and looked at him, Toll smiled faintly, holding her eyes, noting they seemed to shine with happiness. Again the knowledge that look was because of him made him feel at a loss. Their gazes held a moment more, then he leaned closer, brushing her lips softly with his own. Pulling back, he waited long enough to see her eyes open, smiling softly, he turned away from her and opened the door then got out, closing it behind him. He walked around the truck and opened her door.

They just stepped into the waiting area when they both saw Lacey. She was walking toward them, with two other women, a surprised look on her face that quickly turned into a friendly smile. Lacey stood and talked with Mac as Toll confirmed their reservation. The moment he stepped away from them Lacey asked excitedly, "is this a date?" Cheeks turning slightly pink, Mac smiled warmly and answered "yes." Lacey's smile broadened as she asked "is it your first?"

"No, that was about a week and a half ago." Mac replied as warmth spread across her skin. Lacey changed the subject quickly when Toll appeared at Macs side a moment later. She gave him a knowing smile and explained she and her friends had met to work on wedding plans. The waiter showed up a short time later to lead Toll and Mac to their table and Lacey said goodbye. As soon as she exited the restaurant she pulled out her phone and texted Lee. Guess who I just ran into?

* * *

><p>Mac smiled up at him happily as they exited the restaurant, she had as usual, had a nice time with him. Studying his profile as they walked toward his truck, she knew there was something on his mind. She noticed it as they'd eaten their last course, he'd gotten a certain look in his eyes. She didn't know what it meant, but it was there none the less. Deciding quickly she wouldn't wait for him to bring up whatever it was, she'd been about to ask when he spoke up, saying. "I have to leave Saturday morning."<p>

Toll took a deep breath, knowing he couldn't put it off any longer, when they reached his truck he finally looked at her, returning the gaze he knew she'd had focused on him since before they'd stepped outside. "I have to leave tomorrow."

She listened to his words saddened and not just because of their plans for Saturday, mostly because she knew she'd learn to hate this. Never knowing how long he was going to be home. She really didn't want to share him with his work or anything else at present. Shaking off that feeling, she didn't want to make him feel bad, she asked curiously, "where are you going?"

Toll watched her closely, the same anxious feeling coiling through his body that had the first time they'd had this conversation. "India." He answered, carefully and held her gaze as he waited on edge, for her to say something more. Mac watched him, her interest at the moment about the what part of India, her eyes curious growing as she asked, "what region?"

"I'm not certain, I will know more when I talk to Barney tomorrow." He answered truthfully, holding her quizzical gaze, he jumped at the thought she might be inquisitive enough to be distracted again. "Is that another place you want to go?" He asked, hoping it was, and that it would distract her from probing too deeply.

Smiling slightly, she adopted an indignant demeanor and replied teasingly, "well if it was, I wouldn't tell you. You'd only find a reason to make fun of me for it." Her eyes twinkling.

But the reprieve Toll thought he was getting from invasive questions was short-lived, his stomach tightened with dread, when she spoke again. "What exactly is it you do?"

The question, fueled by her general curiosity and need to know all she could about him and the fact she couldn't explain it when people asked. Holding his gaze, she thought she saw unease enter his eyes.

The first thought that entered his head, was please not now. He wasn't at all prepared to have this conversation with her yet and certainly not in such a public place. Idiot, his mind accused, you chose the area. Toll stood there, his body tensing in fear, holding her gaze, her head tilted slightly to the side gazing up at him expectantly. He knew she had no idea what she'd just asked him and he felt panic start seeping into his muscles. His mind whispering, please not now. His grip on her hand tightened.

Mac felt his fingers tighten around hers, her eyes drifting from his, falling to where their hands hung between them, clasped together. As her gaze traveled back to his, she noted the rigid quality to his body then she heard his voice.

Toll watched her gaze drop from his and fall to their intertwined hands, helpless Tolls gaze followed hers. His eyes quickly shifting to her bent head, his racing heart constricted painfully. All he knew was he couldn't lose her not tonight so as her eyes began to travel up his body he spoke, amazed at how quickly he found the words and how easily they fell from his lips. "My job isn't an easy one to explain, Mac." He began, that part at least was the truth he told himself as her questioning gaze came back to his. "How so? You said import business, right?" Taking a deep breath, he decided he'd better keep this as factual as possible. "Well it's more of a retrieval business than import." And really that was a more apt description.

"Then why did you say import?" She asked, the look she gave him and her voice filled with curiosity.

"It generally raises fewer questions. I didn't expect to ever have to explain any of this to you, Mac." He replied, holding her gaze and hoping she'd just except what he said. "Well, you should have?" She teased, even though he could still see the question in her eyes. He smiled faintly in answer despite his unease. The thought that if he had of known, he would have made sure his cover was airtight, entered his head. Her gaze turning serious she asked, "are questions bad then?"

"There's just stuff about my job I can't tell you, Kamron." She knew what that meant, as she held his gaze, "like everything? Can you even explain to me what retrieval business means?" She questioned. His gaze fell from hers, then slowly came back, "you have to trust me, Mac. The people we work with and for prefer things be kept quiet."

She then asked "Is it illegal?" His gut twisting more he answered, "no." Reassuring himself it was only a partial lie. This job was another the CIA didn't want to dirty their hands with, his mind quick to remind him the next job might prove not so legal. Dismissing that last thought, he stood there spine rigid as her thoughtful gaze scrutinized him. Latching onto the encouragement he found in the fact she still held his hand, he forced himself to stand there and let her probe his eyes.

Mac held his gaze, her eyes studying his features. She knew there was something more, something he didn't want to say. The knowledge causing a dilemma inside her, she somehow sensed that if she pushed him for more answers at the moment, he'd become evasive. So she thoughtfully weighed what he'd told her as she held his gaze. One thing she knew above anything else was she trusted him and if he said there were things he couldn't talk about, she'd try to accept it.

He let out the breath he didn't realize he'd held trapped inside, when he saw the light in her eyes change and that trusting look comeback. "Do you work with the military?" She asked curiously. "Sometimes," he answered, again, it wasn't really a lie he assured himself. Quickly reminding herself, she'd just decided to let things go she changed the subject. "Well," she said next, completely off topic "I guess our hunting trip is off." His body relaxed, grateful for how quickly she could dismiss things. "I'll make it up to you," he answered. He'd known she meant the question as rhetorical, but he needed her to know he'd do whatever he could to make it up to her. "Oh really?" she asked, her eyes twinkling and "how do you propose to do that?"

A faint smile tugging at his lips, he assured her, "We'll go when I get back." Holding her gaze, he reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

* * *

><p>Toll walked her to her front door, her little hand holding his as usual, listening as she told him her parents' were coming next week. The news made Toll slightly apprehensive, he'd wondered about her mom and dad. But with everything that had happened since he and Mac had started dating, his thoughts had stayed occupied with other parts of Macs life. Now he found his mind going immediately to what her parents reaction would be concerning him. He had known he'd eventually meet them, if Mac stuck around, but the idea had been different when it was just a vague thought, now that it was happening he didn't know exactly what he felt. Toll was slightly surprised to find himself asking, as they stepped onto her porch, "how old is your dad?"<p>

"Sixty-three." She answered, watching him closely, ready to put an uncertainty he might feel to rest.

"And your mom?"

"Fifty-eight." She watched him nervously, hoping he'd just take them as numbers and nothing else.

"Do they know how old I am?" He asked his anxious gaze traveling over her face.

"Yes." She answered then after a moment she stepped closer, laying her small hand on his chest and waited for him to look at her. "It's fine." She said, her voice soft and encouraging.

"I can't imagine your fathers happy about it, Mac." He replied his voice doubtful.

"I'm sure it's a shock, but it doesn't change anything or matter and my dad will be fine. I mean he really hasn't said much, besides, he's teased me some." That last comment wasn't making him feel better. But staring down at her he knew she was right, it didn't matter. He wanted this and so did she.

"This is what I want, you're what I want and I'm happy." Listening to her softly spoken words of encouragement, he felt his chest tighten painfully. Gaze fixed on her, he felt her little hand slide up the hard muscles of his chest, her fingers brushing against the skin of his neck, her thumb grazing his jaw. Her hand continued to slide slowly upward not finishing its ascent until it curved around the back of his head as she stepped closer. He didn't need the gentle pressure her hand applied to coax him into kissing her. He bent his head, watching fascinated as emotion danced across her beautiful face and her eyes fell shut. Claiming her soft lips, he heard that gasp he'd become accustomed to escape her, he knew he'd never get sick of that sound or the effect it had on him. Like right now, his inner muscles clenched tightly and his heart raced painfully. In these moments he only knew one thing, he wanted her and for a longtime to come. His heart constricted when he heard another soft gasp cross her lips as his tongue found its way inside her warm mouth. His body tightening more when he felt her tongue dart out quickly, and tangle with his own. His hand moved to her side of its own violation, his fingers splayed wide and slid gently to the small of her back, the other coming up to rest on her shoulder. Not failing to notice the contrast of finely woven lace and bare warm skin under his fingers. He deepened their kiss using the hand that rested in the small of her back to guide her closer and press her body against his. Her free hand grabbed hold of his jacket at the waist and held on and he leaned into her deepening their kiss.

Toll lifted his head breaking away from her, Mac simply ducked her head, hiding her flushed cheeks and swollen lips from his view. Pressing herself closer as Toll gathered her into a hug. Feeling the minute tremors that still shook her, he tightened his grip, and rested his cheek on the top of her head waiting for his body to calm itself. Then came the words that had his body quickly coming back to life. "I could come home with you..." She murmured softly, her voice shy and breathy an octave just above a whisper.

* * *

><p>Toll woke up in the morning, frustrated after an almost sleepless night of tossing and turning, his rib throbbing from all his nocturnal movements. If it wasn't for his rib he'd run this morning, he needed desperately to clear his head. No matter what he did last night he couldn't settle his mind, it had raced. He almost wished she'd have pushed him, told him she needed more info. He thought about her parents coming next week and what that meant and somehow and for some reason it made the guilt worsen. Meeting her parents with so much still between them made him despise himself.<p>

He could call it a partial lie, try to convince himself he'd done it out of necessity and that it was for the best. The fact that he'd misled her not exactly lied did little to ease his conscience. Another thing he knew was that it was all going to make it harder to tell her the truth. The memory of that trusting look she'd given him, filling his head and make his stomach roll. Grasping for something, anything that would make him feel like he'd done the right thing, he told himself, now was not the time, thinking about her situation with Neal. But it didn't work, he couldn't kid himself into it. Now wasn't the time, but he didn't know that the timing would ever be right. It was something he would simply have to force himself to do.

His mind drifting back to that trusting look again and the relief he'd felt when he'd seen it. Had his body filling with a fresh wave of disgust and self-loathing. How could he ever expect her to accept him and what he did if he continued to fill her head with half-truths and deliberately misleading information. The self-hatred worsening when he thought about how quickly the term retrieval specialist had entered his head and subsequently how easily it had fallen from his lips, when confronted with the idea of loosing, them, before they'd even gotten a chance. The guilt worsening and twisting in his gut, he tried to reassure himself if Neal wasn't a problem he'd have told her everything. But a voice inside him contradicted the thought. And as much as Toll would like to think otherwise he didn't know that he'd have been brave enough to answer differently. His guilt only worsening when she'd suggested she come home with him. If he'd given in he'd hate himself this morning, in his eyes it would have made him as much of a monster as his job.

Setting up quickly, relishing the pain it sent searing up his side, he focused on the burning sensation radiating out from his bruised rib. Taking several deep breaths, he used the pain to pull him out of his guilt and it worked clearing his mind. He was able to focus on the tasks of the day, he got up and walked toward the bathroom content on taking a shower. He had a lot to do before Mac got off work despite the guilt he wasn't willing to leave town without seeing her. The first thing he need to do after he showered though, was head to Tools, hopefully he'd find him alone so he could talk to him about Mac. The opportunity hadn't presented itself the night before last.


	32. Chapter 31

**The turning of the screw.**

* * *

><p>Toll showed up at Tools to find the man barely out of bed and alone except for under dressed bleached blond that rode the lift down to the shop as Toll stepped through the door. Slightly embarrassed, Toll averted his eyes as Tool kissed the women goodbye and gave her an affectionate pat on the backside. Tool watched the woman walk out, then turned his attention to Toll Road, curious what brought his friend out this early. Their briefing wasn't for another hour, Tool asked, "what brings you out so early, Toll Road?" Deciding it had to do with Mac most likely. He added, before Toll had gotten a chance to speak, "you want me to keep an eye on that pretty little woman of yours again?" Toll nodded his head yes as he walked closer to Tool and sat down on a stool saying, "yeah. If you don't mind?"<p>

"Anytime. So how's she's doing? She seen him at all?"

"Yeah.. The day after I got back. Mac and I had lunch at her office and he was setting down the street watching." Tool watched Toll a concerned expression on his face. Toll continued, "I had a talk with him and I don't think he'll bother her, but I was hoping you'd be around just in case." Tool held Tolls gaze, feeling for the man in front of him. He could only imagine what his friend thought or felt knowing he had to leave her. "I'll do what I can, brother." Tool assured him, again.

* * *

><p>Barney felt certain when he walked into Tools shop he was interrupting something. The two men present dropped their conversation the moment he stepped inside and Barney was pretty certain he knew what that conversation pertained to. He hadn't been all that surprised when Lee had announced yesterday, when they were on their way home, that Lacey had seen Toll and Mac on a date. After the exchanged he'd heard between these same to me at the hangar a few days ago, he'd been expecting the girl to get what she wanted, if she hadn't before that point. Lee had then thought out loud that he wondered who asked who. Barney hadn't commented and Lee had expected him one.<p>

Barney watched Lee out of the corner of his eye as the man taped out some reply to that woman of his. Scoffing silently, Barney acknowledged to himself, he apparently worked with more than one man who had poor judgment as far as women went.

Lee looked over at Barney noting the unimpressed look on his face. He wasn't sure exactly what it meant, but felt the need to say. "Good for him."

"If you say so." Barney said, scoffing again.

"You know what your problem is?" Lee asked, thoughtfully.

With a slight shake of his head Barney said, "no, but I got the feeling you're going to tell me."

"You need a little love in your life." Lee announced, an amused smirk on his face.

"Yeah, that's it." Barney replied, unconvinced.

"It would soften some of those rough edges." Lee began, sagely. Then continued, "Maybe you wouldn't be so..."

Barney looked over at Lee, expectantly, waiting for him to finish his statement. "Maybe I wouldn't be so, what?" He asked, when Lee didn't finish.

Barney's thoughts where interrupted when Lee walked through the door. The others arriving in progression over the next ten minutes. The briefing went quickly. The job seemed relatively uncomplicated considering what it was, but they all learned long ago things were never as simple as they appeared. When Toll quickly excused himself, wanting to leave and get stuff done he needed to. Hale asked, "what's the rush? Got a date?" Toll knew Hale had only asked, trying to embarrass him, but it wasn't that far from the truth so he answered, "yeah, actually I do." Then walked out not bothering to wait around and see what kind of reaction that news would get.

* * *

><p>Mac awoke knowing Toll Road was right and they shouldn't rush into the physical side of their relationship. But damn it, how was she supposed to not want to when he touched and kissed her the way he did. He was always so achingly gentle and tender and she couldn't think straight. Last night, she'd waited her body tense hoping he'd take her offer, but part of her knew he wouldn't.<p>

His arm tightened around her then moments later he said, his voice gentle, "Kamron, sweetheart, this is all new and we need to go slow." She hadn't known what to say, she'd felt embarrassed. Why? She was uncertain, nothing in his demeanor or reaction should have made her feel that way, but she still did. As if sensing her reaction, Toll had unwound his arms from around her and placed his hands on her upper arms, easing her away from him. When Mac met his gaze, the look she saw there made her heart pound. Leaving her with little doubt that he wanted that intimacy between them as much as she did. His left hand left her arm and went to her face, cupping her cheek gently, "I know we've.." He began then stopped as his gaze traveled over her face. When he started speaking again, he said softly. "We'll get there, Mac. We just need to go slow." He'd lowered his head and kissed her again, careful to keep it chaste.

* * *

><p>The decision to stop by Macs work had been an impulsive one. He'd left Tools shop intending to go home and get his stuff together and give her a call later, but the idea of just stopping by her work had popped into his head. He'd thought about it and decided he would, despite the guilt that still plagued him. Shoving the memory of that guilt aside, he didn't try to tell himself he'd done for the right reasons, just ignored it. And now stepping through the doorway into her reception area as the bell went off all thoughts of his guilt left. She stood across the room, beside a small table talking with two women and Anna. The smile she'd had on her face when she looked up changed, becoming surprised and then happy. Her gaze left his as she excused herself then turned and walked toward him, her beautiful green eyes traveling over him. Toll felt his smile broaden as she moved closer, and said,"hey you."<p>

* * *

><p>Mac hurried to finish up her work, excited, almost childishly so. She wanted everything done, she need to get done before Toll called her. He had told her not to hurry too much he wouldn't be done the stuff he needed to do before two or three, but she couldn't help it. After all, he was leaving for six days and that meant this was the last bit of time she'd have with him before he left her, again. Thinking about the six-day separation saddened her, but she knew if she wanted to be with him it was something she was going to have to get used to. Another reason she hurried was this was the last time she'd have with him before her parents arrived and even though she wasn't really all that concerned about it herself she was still uncertain how Toll was going to react to them. Her parents being in town for twelve days also meant she wouldn't have much private time with him when he got back. And she knew she'd want that closeness and calm she felt when she was with him. Especially with her court date drawing closer.<p>

Mac had planned on seeing him tonight, even though they hadn't spoken about it last night, she'd known she would. Now she had to wait till he called and then she'd meet him at her house, they hadn't really made any plans besides just spending some time together.

* * *

><p>Toll stood in the large arched doorway looking at the bright vibrant Teal color Mac had chosen to paint the room, a little doubtfully. The bright color worked well with the dark-colored worn plank floors and the bright white of the wood work but it was a little loud for his taste. But then again, he mused, picking colors to paint a room wasn't his forte. The interior colors of his house he'd chosen simply because he didn't like white walls, white had a tendency to show dust and dirt. The same tan color covered most of the walls in his house. "So, what do you think?" Mac hollered from the kitchen. Appearing in the hallway a second later with a glass of ice tea in her hand and catching his attention. "It looks good." He said holding her gaze. A slight smile tugged at Macs lips as her eyes filled with suspicion. "You're lying," she accused, playfully, as she walked closer.<p>

Toll smiled in return, not confirming or denying her accusation, just holding her bright twinkling gaze. She stopped beside him, still holding his eyes with her own. She arched an eyebrow in question and stepped past him, into the room, saying as she went. "Men have no taste. Liam complained several times." Toll still didn't say anything just leaned against the door frame folding his arms over his chest and watched as she walked across the room and sat down on the window seat. Her amused eyes met his for a moment then she turned her attention to the open box on the floor in front of her as she set her glass down on the seat beside her. She rummaged through the boxes contents till she apparently found what she was looking for.

She looked up her bright gaze catching his as she stood and climbed up onto the seat, turning so she faced the window and hung something from the hook at the top on the alcove around the window. Toll watched her curious and almost offered to help her but decided to watch instead. When she stepped down, Toll felt his smile broaden. She had attached another piece of ribbon to make the hanger longer, but there hung that silly little pig he'd brought home to her.

Mac turned after she stepped down off of the window seat and turned her attention to Toll. The broad smile that appeared on his face made hers broaden as well. "So," she began, "what are we doing for dinner?"

"I think I'll let you decided this time." Smiling softly, she asked, "well then, how about I cook for you?" For some reason her innocent offer to cook for him made his heart beat pick up, his own smile turning soft, he answered "I'd like that." Holding his gaze her cheeks growing flushed she asked, "chicken and dumplings?"

"What no lamb?" He asked teasingly.

"We can go to the meat market and I can get you lamb if that's what you want?" She said enthusiastically, her eyes twinkling, as she started walking toward him.

"That's alright." He answered watching her, that soft smile still on his face. His mind drifting to Neal and his unknown presence as she fed Toll lamb. He quickly shoved the thought away, not wanting thoughts of Neal to shadow their last evening together for six days. "What kind of dumplings? Southern or traditional?" She asked as she drew closer, her bright eyes still on him. "Southern," he answered as she came to a stop beside him.

As Mac prepared the biscuit dough she found she liked this. The last time he'd been alone in her kitchen with her as she'd cooked his presence had disconcerted her and made her feel shaky. The effect he had on her with his watchful eyes and quiet ways still really hadn't changed much besides now he was hers. She'd never really put it that way before now and it sent heat coursing through her body, that settled into her abdomen. She lifted her gaze meeting his and smiled softly her cheeks reddening.

Toll noted her red cheeks, and soft smile wishing he knew what was going on in that head of hers. That secretive little smile of hers always made him want to know. But he didn't ask, just continued to scratch Goose's head.

* * *

><p>Mac, found herself following Toll into the Old Point close to seven o'clock that night. Toll had suggested it and Mac knew it was because of what had happened or almost happened. Just last night he'd said they needed to go slow. Tonight he hadn't kissed her until after they'd eaten and what had started out as a gentle brush of his lips had quickly changed and she knew the fault wasn't all his either. She found it impossible to understand how he expected them to go slow when he kissed and touched her like he did. The kiss had been like always, achingly gentle and sweet. They'd been setting on stools at the island facing each other and talking when he'd leaned forward and brushed her lips with his, he'd quickly pulled back and looked down at her. Then repeated the action over and over, lingering kisses and playful nips of her bottom lip, then he'd pull back and look at her. She'd stood wanting to be closer to him and he helped, his large rough hands going to her arms and pulling her toward him. Not standing himself just pulling her between his spread thighs, his hands leaving her arms, one of them settling in the small of her back, his warm fingers playing along the patch of bare skin he found between the hem of shirt and the waist of jeans. Her breath catching as she felt his hand slide under them hem of her shirt, his calloused palm sliding across her sensitive skin, a shudder slid down Macs spine. She felt his body tense in response to that shudder as her hands settled on his thighs and he continued to play her lips, her fingers digging into the muscular flesh under her hands. And then things really changed, he pulled back looking down at her, his eyes going dark as hers opened. He pulled her into him, pressing her against his body and Mac had gone willingly, returning the kiss that followed eagerly. His other hand went to the back of her head, his thick fingers and strong hand tangling in her hair and cradling the back of her head, as if to prevent her from pulling away from him. The thought never even crossed her mind. Then he stood not breaking the kiss and turned them backing her into the counter. Angling his head over hers, the kiss changed again, gone was sweet gentle brushes of his lips, sliding his tongue into her mouth, he'd used it to stroke hers. His rough fingers playing along the over sensitive, heated skin of her lower back, each caress making the longing she felt build. It was when Macs trembling hands found their way to the hem of his shirt and tugged it free that Toll came back to reality. His gaze traveling over her, the surprise she saw there mirroring her own. When his eyes came back to hers, the surprise was still faintly there, but so was that tenderness she'd grown accustom to. He suggested gently, "maybe we should go out?" Mac knew why he suggested they go out. And as much as her she wanted him to finish what he started, she knew they should go slow.<p>

So Mac found herself following Toll into his usual hangout, her cheeks still flushed and her body still jittery. She knew several pairs of eyes were trained on them. Eyes, which she didn't bother to meet, just turned her attention to Toll who looked down at her. Meeting her gaze, she saw his eyes soften and a tender smile appear on his face. She knew he understood, that he could see exactly how rattled she still felt. His gaze dropped to her lips momentarily, then turned forward again. Macs gaze shifted to the floor as she tried to gain some composure, she felt Tolls hand take hers. Her eyes quickly moving to their hands then his face, he smiled at her faintly and squeezed her hand.

Tools gaze was the first she met when they reached the table, his eyes twinkling, a warm friendly smile on his face, he said, "hello, Mac." It was Caesar that next drew her attention, he was speaking to Toll when he said, "I didn't expect to see you before tomorrow." But it was Macs gaze he held and he gave that wolf's grin. As they sat down everyone was friendly and greeted her the same as they did the last time Toll had brought her here. Besides the knowing glances and amused smiles, they all were pretty much the same. Barney he was respectful, but there it ended. She didn't take the large, dark man with stoic mannerisms and penetrating eyes as being a warm friendly person. But something in the way he regarded her as they all sat talking and laughing made her feel as she had the night she met him. She felt certain again she was being weighed and measured.

Toll watched her as usual, partaking in the general conversation but focusing on her. She held his hand on her lap, her fingers intertwined with his the fingers of her other hand wrapped around his arm, absent-mindedly drawing patterns of the inside of his forearm. Unaware of his attention, she was presently conversing with Billy who sat on her other side. Tolls body responding to the feel of her fingers playing across his skin. He'd never been a man to be ruled by his baser urges, never before had he come so close to loosing all reason just from kissing a women. A voice inside him quickly reminding him that today wasn't the first time he'd slipped with her. Something primal always came to life in him when he felt her tremble and heard her gasp, and knowing she did those things in innocent pleasure, made him want.. Want to feel her body moving against his, under his, but it wasn't just the physical side that he wanted, it was more.

Mac awoke Saturday morning, in a tangle of blankets. The reason for the tangled and twisted mass of blankets entering her head quickly. Toll. Sighing heavily, she rolled over and picked up her phone. Smiling happily, when she saw she'd missed a text from him at four-thirty this morning. See you soon.

Mac stared at the screen for a few seconds more and nipped her bottom. Skin growing flushed and warm as she thought about him. The next six days were going to pass slowly she was afraid, much to slowly for her. Smiling wistfully she climbed from bed and focused on getting ready to meet Tess. When Toll had told her he was leaving today she'd called and made plans to spend the day with Tess.

* * *

><p>Tess's father had offered to take Mac along on his hunting trip on Sunday, an offer which Mac had jumped at. They'd left two hours before dawn. Feeling exhausted by the time she made it home Sunday night, she always forgot that going hunting with John Butler meant all day. You left before sunup and didn't get home until late. But she also always had fun and this time wasn't any different than usual. Liam was waiting for her when she got home, but she felt little desire to make conversation, she just smiled tiredly and announced she was taking a shower then crawling into her bed.<p>

The next morning Mac woke up to Monday. Her body protesting the movement as she sat up, the hiking she'd done yesterday was a little more intense than what she was used to. But that was one of the perks of going hunting with Tess's dad, you got a workout, she thought with a smile. For being fifty-five he was surprisingly agile she found herself thinking, then reminded herself, he wasn't the man close to that age she knew that was in good shape. Her mind quickly moving to Toll, a soft smile spread across her face. She missed him, he'd only been gone since Saturday, but she couldn't help it. Her smile broadening when she though about James questioning her about Toll yesterday. Macs musings were cut short when she heard a knock on her door. She stood and walked to the window moving the curtains aside, a smile tugged at her lips when she saw Jake's fathers truck setting in the yard. That could only mean one thing.

* * *

><p>Mac came awake quickly, her body instantly filling with nervous energy. Goose's low menacing growl and hunched stance, on the bed beside her alerted her to fact, whatever woke her wasn't a dream. She sat up hurriedly, he mind shifting to Liam whom slept just down the hall, her ears straining for any sounds coming from his room. As she swung her legs over the side of the bed, she heard the noise that had woken her. Glass breaking and falling to the floor. Pausing, momentarily, as Neal's name whispered threw her head, she sat frozen as her heart began to pound. The squeak of the door just down the hall opening brought her out of the temporary paralysis that had invaded her body. The fear it left behind coursing through her as she gained her feet and waited.<p>

Goose bound from the bed and put himself between Mac and the bedroom door, hair raised teeth bared as he assumed a protective stance. Mac stepped forward and told him to stay as she gently stroked the back of his head, with a shaking hand. Liam appeared in the doorway at that instant. The anxious look in his eyes conveying he also suspected the identity of the intruder. He stepped inside the room, warily, looking around, his eyes coming back to Mac, he said his voice low. "Call 911 and hide, don't come out until the police arrive."

Kamron, watched Liam disappear from the room and only after he was out of sight did she move. Telling Goose to stay again, she hurried to the night stand grabbing the 1911 that laid on top of it and her phone.

With shaking hands, she tried to get her screen to turn on, remembering only when it didn't lighten her battery was dead when she went to bed. A fresh wave of fear hit her and raced throughout her body as panic seized her trembling frame. Taking a deep breath she knew she had to control that emotion. She listened, her ears straining to catch any sound besides those of Liam's carefully placed steps on her stairs. Dropping the useless phone on her bed, Mac hurried back across the room, wondering if Liam had left his phone in his room, her panicked mind clinging to that hope. Mac stepped into the hall, slowly, careful to not make a sound. Taking a moment for her eyes to search the shadows that seemed to shift and grow. The unease in her stomach threatened to turn to all out fear as she stepped fully into the hall. She turned and looked at Goose, telling him to stay and be quiet. Closing the door behind her. She inched along the darkened hall, her ears straining trying to catch any sounds of movement from downstairs. She reached the doorway to the room Liam slept in, after what seemed like minutes rather than the few seconds it had actually taken. Liam had left the door ajar, slipping through the narrow opening, silently, her eyes immediately strained against the shadows as she moved toward the bed looking for his phone. She searched in vain, his phone wasn't in the room.

Just as she'd given up her search, she heard a thud and loud groan coming from downstairs. Freezing in place as all the possibilities of what that sound could mean raced through her head, she waited. Her ears straining harder against the ringing silence, hoping she'd hear Liam's voice call to her, but as the seconds ticked by hope left her. She found she couldn't move as terror began to take hold of her body. Alone. Her mind whispered, you are alone. The terror threatened to over take her. Mac knew she couldn't allow that to happen, taking a deep breath she forced her mind to think. Asking herself, what to do? her thoughts at first coming in broken pieces. Police. Her mind answered. Frantically. No police, she reminded herself. Next her mind said, Porch roof. As appealing as the thought was it wasn't an option, shed almost certainly break her leg jumping off and Neal would most likely catch her before she got across the street. The terror that kept threatening to keep her immobile whispered, Alone. Your all alone. Oddly enough, the words of Dr. Suess popped into her head and with them came a strange calm.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance, you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won't want to go on. Taking a deep breath, she forced her body to move. Still uncertain what to do she looked around the room, her eyes suddenly going to the pistol in her trembling hands.

Not allowing herself to think as the idea took shape in her head she turned, walking carefully across the room and sliding through the narrow opening in door. If she could just get downstairs, she could get outside and hopefully get help. She didn't want to leave Liam, but she didn't really have a choice. She pulled the slide back on the pistol as she went.

The eerie, deafening quiet that assaulted her ears as she inched along the hall made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and the fear she felt threatened to over take her again, bordering so closely on terror her limbs almost refused to move. She took a deep breath and focused on Liam, he was somewhere down there, and she didn't know in what state he might be.

Hands shaking as she reached the top of her stairs, her eyes searching the darkness below, she heard a faint noise coming from the back of the house. The thump of a heavy thread on the floor or a noise made deliberately to frighten her, but still not matter what it was, its effect on her was akin to growl of a hideous monster. Despite the fear Mac pushed her wooden legs onward.

She slowly walked down the stairs, every faint creak of the step, seemed to echo through the darkened house surrounding her. A cowardly voice in the back of her mind cautioning her against finishing her descent. She quelled that voice, refusing to allow it to over take her. She reached the end of the steps pausing as her gaze surveyed the open space to the right of the stairs. It appeared empty except for furniture. Her grip tightened on the pistol she held between both hands as she turned her gaze warily to the doorway to the left. Glancing at it she stepped gingerly off the last step, peering into its darkened interior as apprehension tickled her spine. She turned and stepped to the right looking down the hall toward the kitchen, not far away she saw Liam's prone form lying on the floor, just the other side of console table that set against the wall. Momentarily forgetting her own safety and her plans to get help, she rushed toward him, setting the handgun on the table as she passed. At that moment Neal appeared in the in hallway just the other side of Liam. And white-hot fear entered Macs frame, even in the dim light and shifting shadows she could see Neal's unkept appearance and make out the crazed light in his eyes. Fighting the urge to run as he leered at her and stalked into the hall, Mac reminded herself her brother laid not moving on the floor in front of her. Shaking, she watched Neal, her inner muscles coiling tightly, she'd never seen the look that filled his eyes now.

It filled her body with heart pounding fear, yet somehow she found her voice, "you need to leave, Neal." Hearing the near terror lacing her own words, Mac watched as his face contorted and his eyes seemed to darken.

Ignoring her words, he took a menacing step closer as he said, the tone of his voice sending chills down her spine. "Welcome to the party Kamron. I would have come and escorted you myself, but I knew you'd never be able to resist." His eyes running down her as he continued. "I planned this little get together just for you! And look at you telling me I need to leave before the funs even began." Mac stood her body tensing as he continued, "I never meant to hurt you, I only wanted to talk to you. But no you couldn't let it go, you had to have the last word. First you send Liam to find me, then your precious Jake shows up in town. Oh and I must not forget to mention that visit you had your new man pay me." He said the last with contempt. "It would be rude of me not to thank you." His eyes growing more crazed, he continued "I've been watching you, ya know." He leered, stepping closer, again.

Confusion seeped into Mac and mingled with the fear and it must have shown in her rigid posture and on her face. Because Neal gave a mocking laugh, his contempt evident as he took another deliberate step closer and Mac found herself stepping back a step. "Oh, you didn't know your new fuck paid me a visit? I find that hard to believe. You've always been good at getting exactly what you want while appearing innocent." He said and smiled at her the look contorted and twisted, there was nothing of the man she had cared for left, his stare bitter and mocking. He continued, "but I'm not letting you get away with it this time Kamron, you need to pay. For it all." Pausing, as if he wanted her to reflect on what he just said, he continued after a minute. "I followed him home that day, you know? I followed him right to the end of this very street. And after he paid me a visit I came back everyday and waited and watched. It really worked out well that he went away and didn't come back. It makes our playtime so much better. Wouldn't want you calling him and him come rushing over to play."

Somehow, she pushed the fear away, knowing Neal meant the words to scare her. She knew that if she allowed it to happen she'd be playing into his hands. Forcing herself to ignore his words and focus on the situation. She knew she needed to keep him distracted. She didn't allow herself to think about Toll or the fact Neal had continued to stalk her. Weighing her bleak options as a strange sort of calm stole through her, she decided against speaking. She knew a show of fear was what he wanted and cowering and moving away from him would serve her purpose best. Taking a step back, she wanted to put as much space between him and Liam's prone form as she could.

Neal followed her lead, advancing as he reached behind his back and produced a pistol. When Mac saw the hand gun her heart stopped and time seemed to slow. Her eyes shifting from the .50 cal revolver in his hand to his eyes. Even in the shadows she saw the blood chilling intent they held and understood. She knew he'd never let her go. Maybe couldn't let her go. He was going to kill her. With that truth, came a sharper clarity. Her panic and fear didn't leave her, but she hoped she could use them to her advantage. Not thinking about what she had to do, Mac stepped back carefully, trying not to alert Neal to the fact she'd placed her own pistol on the table just behind her. Her mind not failing to notice, despite, the fear racing around inside her, she'd been dumb to lay the pistol down.

Edging backwards, further, she held his gaze even as she heard the hammer on his revolver cock. Neal said calmly, "you're not getting away with it this time Kamron, if you'd just listened to me, if you'd just talked to me, but no, you want it all."

Mac felt her hip brush the table, her hand going to the edge as she stepped back another step her trembling hand connecting with cold steel. Relief washed through her body as her fingers wrapped around the grip. Neal however wasn't as far gone on as she thought, he said, his voice eerily calm. "Leave it be, Mac." Macs heart beat picked up when she realized he'd known it was there the entire time. He toyed with her and allowed herself to back toward it. Allowing, the false sense of security he'd known she'd feel when she reached her destination. He'd wanted her to feel the hope that it would give her. Refusing the desperation that threatened to settle into her body and make her shaking limbs freeze. She made the decision, the only one she could make.

Mac moved quickly, pulling the gun from the table and dropping to the ground, even as she brought the pistol up. She knew she had no choice. She met Neal's eyes briefly, her gaze dropping to the barrel of the gun Neal held trained on her. Don't hesitate her mind whispered.

The deafening report of a pistol echoed through the house as the air left her lungs, she could faintly hear Goose's frantic barking and scratching at the door the noise blending with pounding in her ears. The last thing she saw, before everything went black was the pool of red spreading out across the floor in front of her.


	33. Chapter 32

**Part Two**

* * *

><p><strong>I stand amid the roar<br>Of a surf-tormented shore,  
>And I hold within my hand<br>Grains of the golden sand-  
>How few! yet how they creep<br>Through my fingers to the deep,  
>While I weep- while I weep!<br>O God! can I not grasp  
>Them with a tighter clasp?<strong>

** Edger Allen Poe**

* * *

><p>Mac awoke slowly, her hand coming up and touching her face as she tried to get her heavy eyelids to open. Mental acuity coming slowly, her sluggish senses tried to tune into the noises around her. Faint beeping sounds and muffled voice. Her eyes finally cooperated and opened, only to close quickly as the blinding light filling the room around her hit them, painfully.<p>

A dark ominous feeling settled into the pit of her stomach working its way throughout her body as she turned her head to the side and opened her eyes a second time. Her eyes still felt overly sensitive, even though the brightness wasn't so intense. Feeling confused as she surveyed her surroundings, that dark feeling intensifying as her gaze traveled over the bed beside her, it had metal railings and a curtain hung next to it, her befuddled brain started to put things together.

She was in a hospital?

She sat up quickly, her heart pounding as recent events started to filter through her mind. Panic swamping her as she remembered blood. Bright, sticky blood. Everywhere. On the floor around her, soaking her clothes, making them stiff and drying them to her skin. Shaking, she looked down at her hospital gown, expecting to see that same blood as she felt a hand come to rest on her arm and a deep reassuring voice say, "Mac it's alright." She stared forward for a moment more struggling against the confusion in her head. She kept seeing blood smeared across her skin. Turning her head sharply, she saw Jake hovering beside her as an image of Neal's lifeless form entered her vision. Then her mind had shifted to Neal's face, it was a pale bluish color his eyes cold and lifeless, his mouth open as if in a scream. Those dead eyes had stared at her. Suddenly, she couldn't breath, as the memory of pulling the trigger filled her head, acutely feeling that hardened steel trigger give way under her finger. "No." She said, taking a gasping breath as she felt a vise like pressure begin to build in her chest and threaten to suffocate her. "No!" She repeated again, her body stiffening. Her hand went to her throat as she felt her air supply grow thin.

Jake watched the panic start setting in and hollered for the nurse as he reached for her. She struggled trying to pull away at first. Not just fighting him, but he suspected fighting the terror she was feeling as well, he wrestled her to him. After a moment she collapsed against him, broken as confused sobs started to rack her small frame. Jake told the nurse as she came rushing into the room to find Liam, he and Beth had gone to the cafeteria to eat. As Mac sat there curled against Jake chest, the sobs had stopped, but she still shook almost violently, he asked. "How do we get in contact with, Toll?" Shaking her head, she said brokenly, "no."

* * *

><p>Toll sat looking at the small group of banyan trees growing not far away. The small part only applied to the number, maybe ten individual trees. But it was hard to tell. The way they all grew together, the branches and roots intertwined. He'd bet they took up nearly one square mile. And the biggest obviously was really old and the patriarch of the group, it stood in the middle and took up nearly a quarter of the space.<p>

It's thick vertical roots, some of which looked like they might be as big around as his chest, descended from the branches growing down and into the trees own ground roots as well as those of some of the smaller trees close by.

These tree's had always intrigued him, with their size and odd root system. He wasn't certain if they were a mistake of nature or a testament to the artistry of God himself. But either way they held a strange beauty. There were only a few places they grew naturally and India was one of them. People had transplanted them to grow in other regions spanning the globe, one of those being the in Florida. Thomas Edison had planted it there himself, he'd hope to harvest the rubber from that tree and others to make car tires. Now the monstrous tree stood in front of the Edison Museum. And in Tolls opinion a fitting tribute to the mans genius.

The Hindus believed the banyan tree was the resting place of the god Krishna. The Buddhists used its epiphytic nature, likening it to the way lust overcomes a man or women. Toll could see the truth in that wisdom. As stupid as it sounded staring at those trees and thinking about that simile made him think of the attraction he felt toward Mac.

The others thought he was strange when he took time to admire the sometimes odd beauty of the places they found themselves. But for some reason he doubted Mac would. She'd understand. If things went well over the next few hours, he'd be home tomorrow and with her before dark. The guilt he'd felt from lying to her again had stayed with him and brought all manner of other worry with it. Twisting and growing in his gut. It had kept him up at night, not that he'd get much sleep anyway. He never did when they were on a mission. But he refused to let the guilt and worry overshadow the happiness seeing her would bring. After all, he'd learned throughout the years not to squander the rare glimpses of happiness given to him. He wondered if she'd smile at him like she had the last time he'd come home. Smiling faintly, he felt pretty certain she would. Or he did at this moment anyway. Sometimes though he still wasn't certain he hadn't dreamt this all up. And other times he couldn't understand why she chose him, but he tried not to question it.

* * *

><p>Liam stood in the doorway of the hospital room watching Kamron. She sat on the bed, her knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around them a vacant distant look in her glassy green eyes.<p>

Last night the police had arrived after a neighbor heard the gun shot and called the cops. Liam had been just coming round when he heard the sirens. When he first saw her, his heart had stopped. She'd been lying maybe a foot away from Neal in a pool of blood that swelled under the both of them.

Liam had staggered to his feet, head pounding and throbbing and stumbled toward her, fear filling him. Kneeling down, he rolled her over gently as the cops started pounding on the door, his eyes traveled over her blood soaked clothes and skin as he felt for her pulse. Once he felt its strong, healthy beat, he got up and staggered to the door. But by the time he got back to her, she was waking up and terrified.

He could only imagine what she'd felt waking like that. But he did know what he felt seeing her that way.

And watching her now she seemed almost catatonic. She hadn't spoken just stared across the room for an hour now, ever since the nurses left. They'd wanted to sedate her again, but she'd refused. And Liam had told them to leave her be. He wondered if she was remembering the events of last night behind that blank vacant stare. Remembering the part that was still a mystery to him. Officer Bailey the cop that was handling the case had arrived at her house around the same time as the paramedics. And though she had calmed some by that point she'd still sat staring fixedly with that same vacant stare as now, her gaze riveted to the porch floor, her hands trembling slightly. Officer Bailey had said he'd get her statement later.

Liam had then watched her stand and walk back into the house. He'd gone after her trying to pull her from the room, but she wouldn't go she'd watched as the corner rolled Neal toward the door on a stretcher and panic had set in again. Her gaze traveling from the body bag on the gurney to the blood covering the floor, then she'd looked down at her chest. And she lost it. One of the female officers on the scene had helped her change her clothes, but Liam was certain she'd looked at her chest, remembering the blood. As her hands began to shake violently Liam was glad she didn't try to look in the mirror that hung on the wall nearby. There were still traces of blood on her skin and in her long hair, one of the paramedics had gently tied it back from her face as they examined her for injuries. But Liam didn't want her to see the blood drying and clumping her hair, or the faint smudges of red on her cheek and neck. He didn't know what happened at that moment, but whatever was going on inside her head caused the tremors shaking her body to worsen and her to begin to gasp for air. It wasn't long and officer Bailey had alerted the emts that were still there and they'd sedated her and loaded her in the ambulance.

* * *

><p>Marguerite Sinclair hadn't been able to get to New Orléans fast enough to suit her or her husband. She'd known Neal was dangerous after the recent events, but never in a million years had she expected the phone call she received in the early morning hours. She still couldn't believe all that had happened in the last few hours. Her anxiety deepening when Kamron barely acknowledged them when they'd arrived at the hospital. Her beautiful, vibrant daughter had looked at her with vacant eyes and then continued to sit on her bed with her arms wrapped around her legs and stare at the wall. Tears misting her detached gaze by times, but other than that, there wasn't much proof of life coming from her eldest daughter. The horror she felt growing when Liam told her Mac had been like this for three hours now. Marguerite sat down close to Mac, her hand moving in a gentle, reassuring circular motion on her back. But if Mac noticed the action or took comfort from it Marguerite didn't know. Macs posture wasn't stiff or relaxed she just seemed lost.<p>

Marguerite had talked with the physician shortly after she'd arrived, a short balding middle-aged man. He said, they had kept Mac sedated intravenously last night. And assured both she and her husband some of Macs non responsive behavior was do to the sedatives still working through her system. But they'd know more when the psychiatrist did his psych evaluation later today. Marguerite wasn't very impressed with the amount of sedatives they had to have given Mac to make her this zombie like. But from what Liam had told them it was necessary at the time. And as she continued to rub Macs back gently she decided it might before the best Mac wasn't lucid at the moment. She knew her daughter wasn't going to deal with the cold harsh reality well. As she looked around the room that was presently empty of all but herself and her daughter, Marguerite found herself wondering and not for the first time where Toll was.

After Liam came back to the room, she pulled him aside and asked him where Toll was. Liam said he wasn't sure Europe, maybe. She'd asked if they tried to get in contact with him and Liam told her no. Then explained Jake had asked Mac how they could get ahold of him and she'd said no.

As Mac sat in her hospital bed, she was more aware of what went on around her than people realized. Her mind was foggy, but still she had a vague sort of perception. The events of last night came back in bits and pieces. Disjointed. Like watching a still frame movie. And mingling with the hushed conversations of the people in the room.

When her parents had arrived, she'd seen them, known they were there. But it was weird, like they were there, but some sort of fog surrounded them. Making them seem little and big at the same time. The doctor and nurses had wanted to give her more drugs this morning after she'd woke but she didn't want it. And finally Liam told them to leave her be. Since then she'd set here floating, not noticing time or much else.

She knew she'd killed Neal. But it was a detached withdrawn sort of knowledge akin to what you felt in a dream. But other things she didn't know and the still frame pictures in her head did little to answer those questions. And the drugs still in her system made it difficult to think. She wasn't even certain what she felt at the moment besides that heavy, oppressive feeling in her body. She'd thought about Toll broken pictures fluttering through her head. Neal talking about him. But they'd leave and her mind would go blank again before she could work things out or she'd see Neal's face contorted with anger or shed see blood. An ocean of red pooling blood all over the floor and Neal's lifeless, dead eyes watching her from those red waters. The harder she tried to concentrate to make her mind work the less it did.

A doctor arrived what seemed like a short time later asking everyone to leave so he could talk to Mac. She struggled trying to answer his question and make sense of things. He'd only stayed with her a short time or so she thought. He told her as she had cried in frustration the sedatives they'd given her would begin to wear off soon and then her mind would start to clear. The look she saw in his eyes as she tried to maintain focus on his face looked like pity. Mac didn't like that look it made that dark hovering feeling she felt worsen. He asked her if she was ready to go home. And Mac couldn't answer the question seeing that blood and Neal's cold dead eyes again. The doctor laid a reassuring hand on her arm and spoke to her, but she didn't know what he said. A short time later he left her.

An hour or so after the doctor left Mac surprised everyone when she spoke. "I need a phone."

Macs eyes traveled around the room looking at the surprised worried faces. Her gaze stopping on Jake. He stood, walking toward her and handed her his phone. Mac took it in trembling hands, then stared at the dark screen a moment. He sat down on the bed beside her and said, "tell me who to call." She spoke, her voice faint, "I need.. The number.. Find Tools tattoo parlor." Jake reached out and took the phone from her finding the number she needed. Looking around the room at the faces still watching her, she asked Jake, "Will you walk with me?"

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><p><strong>Ok, so this was a short one. But I realized the cliffhanger I left you all with was mean. Really mean. So I went with only part of the stuff I had intended to put into this chapter. And sorry theres very little Toll Road in this chapter.. :(<strong>


	34. Chapter 33

As the drugs began to wear off Mac felt an empty, hollow feeling settle into the pit of her stomach. The images weren't coming in still frame pictures any longer they played out in her mind's eye, one image shifting into another with vibrant clarity. A noise awakening her, goose growling, Liam coming to her room, searching for Liam's phone when hers wouldn't turn on. Then realizing she was alone and the fear she'd felt wondering if Liam was alright. And then, finally that moment when she understood Neal was going to shoot her. Then the feel of the trigger giving way. All of these images played through her head, along with many others and in sequence. Not like they had before now in broken fragments. Those crystal clear images mingled with the image of Neal's lifeless body and dead eyes and his hate filled words.

Her mind had started to clear after that doctor with the pitying eyes had left her room. And had sharpened more as she walked with Jake to the small garden area in the courtyard of the hospital. At first her legs had felt spongy like they could barely hold her weight. Jake had wrapped his fingers around her upper arm steadying her. Mac had walked with her eyes focused on the railing she held onto with her right hand as they moved at a slow pace down the hall. She seemed to feel the smooth, cool texture of that wooden railing with startling clearness, so acute was the sensation to her drug addled mind, she fixated on it. Her fingers feeling every dent and ding in the wood as her hand moved along it. She didn't realize how absorbed shed been in the wood beneath her hand until they reached the end of the corridor. She quickly decided she didn't like this. What these drugs were doing to her.

As grateful as Mac felt that Jake was there it was Toll she wanted. His name, whispering through her body. Her heart pounded at just the thought of him. His images mixing in with the foggy fragmented images of last night. Those combined things, making a vague panicked feeling settle in her chest and that empty feeling in the pit of her stomach worsen.

After they reached the courtyard Mac sat down on one of the benches and called Tool. His voice had come on the other end of the line. Just a simple, "yes?" Was his greeting. Macs throat had closed up and for a moment she could barely breathe as a cascade of dark emotions slammed through her body, like a landslide or avalanche for a just a moment she thought she might suffocate. She heard Tools voice again, "is anyone there?"

Words came but not the ones she wanted "he's dead." She answered, her throat closing again. Tool paused, when he heard the voice on the other end confused for a moment as he put the words and the voice together. "Mac?" He asked, hoping he'd misunderstood. "Yes," she said after a moment, her voice weak and defeated. "Who's dead?" He asked, even though he already knew. After a few moments she whispered, "Neal."

* * *

><p>Toll sat back leaning against the post that separated the seating he occupied from that on it's the other side, his long legs stretched out on the seats in front of him. His rib still throbbed with a dull ache, he'd aggravated it which he knew he would. It would've been almost impossible not to, lugging supplies, carrying guns and fighting. So he took some ibuprofen once they were airborne. And got his book out of his bag and tried to read. The 1000 milligrams of ibuprofen dulled the pain, but he couldn't concentrate on the pages of the book in his hands. Glancing down at his watch, he sighed when saw the time, they still had over two hours before they'd be back in New Orléans. And he wanted to see her that wasn't knew, but it had set in yesterday afternoon as he looked at those banyan trees and became stronger as his last hours in India progressed. A piece of her had stayed with him as they'd preformed the mission itself.<p>

The mission had gone fairly well with surprisingly little amount of complications. He just hoped the situation at home had gone as well. His worry about Neal and the anxiety about meeting her parents, had plagued him, especially at night, but he tried not to fixate. But it was hard. He'd spent so much time thinking about her, it was something he found he couldn't stop. She'd been with him every moment his mind hadn't been occupied with the thing that brought them to India. But this feeling he'd had since looking at those banyan trees yesterday was different from the simple thinking of her before that, this feeling was akin to longing. He shook his head at how stupid his own thoughts sounded, but he couldn't help it.

He was bringing her another a present. He'd found the small trio of elephants carved out of teak and rubbed down with an oil rag in the window of a shop. Instantly he'd thought of her. The three little elephants stood in a row, the trunks of the last two wrapped around the tail of the one in front. Like they did in nature. Hale had seen him enter the shop and followed him inside watching amused as he paid for his purchase. Then teased him as they exited the building, asking him "who you buy that for?" The teasing didn't bother Toll, he just answered sarcastically, "I wonder."

* * *

><p>Mac didn't know that the detached feeling she had as she sat talking with Doctor Adams in her hospital room the next morning was normal. Her mind had cleared of that heavy fog yesterday afternoon and her body as well as her mind had refused the truth. As soon as she hung up with Tool she felt the first spasm of nausea hit her and she'd thrown up right there in the courtyard. Talking with Tool had only made what had happened yesterday a reality, it hadn't felt real at all till that moment. And that awareness had made her wish Toll was here desperately. It wasn't a want it was a need. She needed him, she needed to feel his reassuring presence and that blanketing calmness she felt when he was near.<p>

Neal's ugly words drifting through her mind. She knew why Toll had done what he did, he wanted to protect her. She also knew that same need he'd felt to protect her would make him feel responsible for what Neal had done even though he wasn't.

When Jake and the nurse that came to help her after she'd thrown up in the courtyard finally got her back to her room, Mac looked around and saw nothing but pity on the faces of her brother and parents. That look imprinting itself on her brain. She felt certain she'd never forget it as long as she lived. And she hated it every bit as much on them as she hated seeing it on that shrinks face, if not more. It made her stomach coil again and before she knew it, she was in the bathroom. Her parents hovering close by as her stomach heaved painfully again, it had taken her body several minutes to calm itself.

When the nurse came with pills a short time later and her dinner, Mac ate the toast on the tray to make the nurse happy. She refused all the pills except the nausea pills and sent the nurse away with the anti-anxiety drugs and sleep aid. She knew her parents weren't happy about her choice to refuse the medication, but she didn't care.

Dr. Adams spent nearly two hours with Mac. When he arrived at her room he'd asked her mother to leave. After her mother left they'd talked about the things that happened. Dr. Adams asked questions waiting patiently for her to respond. Not pushing her at all for the answers. She relived those events with a strangely detached air as if they were a common everyday occurrence. The only time she really felt anything was when she thought about Toll. The doctor also asked questions Mac knew were designed to test her mental stability at the moment, something she wasn't so certain of. As the good doctor asked his questions she'd asked herself some of her own.

She'd just killed a man she wasn't certain if she should feel sane?

Did the numbness she felt mean she wasn't?

Did the fact that every time she closed her eyes and a good portion of the time when they were open she saw Neal dead face?

She asked herself these questions and more, but nothing changed she felt nothing. The only thing she knew was she wanted Toll.

Even as she talked with the doctor that looked at her with the same pitying eyes as yesterday and answered his questions, she felt nothing beside an empty hollow numbness. He ended by telling her he didn't see any reason to keep her, but he wanted her to come see him again tomorrow. He gave her that look one last time after he gathered his stuff then left the room.

She sat staring out the window until her mother reentered the room minutes later. Beth and Liam had gone to Macs this morning and gathered up some clothes along with her cell phone and charger, stuffing it all into the gym bag Macs mother held in her hand when she walked into the room. Recognizing the bag as her own Mac eyed it warily. She heard part of the whispered conversation between Liam and her parents last night about her not going home if they released her today. And she wasn't certain she was ready to go home, but she didn't want to go to Liam's either. She didn't say anything, the numbness inside her keeping her tongue silent. Her mother didn't try to explain the amount of clothes in the bag either, obviously way more than a change of clothes to wear home, she just set it down on the bed.

* * *

><p>Tool watched the plane taxi down the runway and into the hangar and wished again that he could have just brought Mac here with him. It would be better for Tolls sake, if he could see her the moment he stepped off the plane. And he knew it was what she wanted also, but he couldn't. Bringing her here wasn't an option not matter how Tool looked at it. When he'd gone to see her this morning he'd known she wouldn't be in good shape, but she damned near broke his heart. Her mother had been the only one with her and it became apparent quickly, Marguerite Sinclair hadn't known quite what to make of him. She behaved friendly enough, but most likely hoped Toll didn't resemble him. And she'd been reluctant to leave them when Mac asked her to. As soon as her mother left the room Mac had looked up at him with lifeless eyes and thanked him for not looking at her like everyone else, she couldn't handle the pity she was getting. The next words that left her mouth were, "where is he?" The need for his friend, Tool heard in those words tugged at his heart. He assured her Toll would be back soon. But the need that had echoed in her voice was now her eyes and with it a desperation. An almost overwhelming desperation, he'd bet. Tool took a deep breath as he got ready to try to comfort her, when she asked, tears misting her eyes. "Would you take me to meet him?" Her face awash with emotions. Caught in those emotions he watched as tears threatened to slip past her eyes and he wanted to say yes. But he knew he couldn't. He answered honestly, that he couldn't but told her she could come with him and wait for Toll at his place. The nurse had come with release forms a short time later.<p>

He'd made her as comfortable as possible after her mother dropped her off. Curious about the medium-sized black gym bag slung over her shoulder, he'd almost asked her if she was moving in, but didn't. Instead, he showed her around the upstairs and told her to make herself at home, also telling her if she needed anything to let him know. And when he'd left, she'd been asleep on his couch.

When the loading hatch of the plane opened Tool moved closer and waited. First off the plane was Yang followed closely by Gunnar then Billy and finally Toll Road, gear bag in one hand, gun in the other. Dread filled Tools body as Toll Road looked up and met his gaze and paused on the ramp, worry filling his eyes. Tool really didn't want to have to tell Toll what happened. It wasn't going to matter that she wasn't physically hurt Toll wasn't going to take the news well. Especially when he found out Tool knew and didn't contact him. It wouldn't matter that he was on a mission or that she hadn't wanted him to know till now.

When Toll stepped off the plane and met Tools gaze, he knew something was wrong. Toll paused, holding Tools worried eyes and his body froze. Searching Tools eyes, he began to move toward him again as Tool took his own step forward. Fear settled into Tolls body and wove its way around his heart as his mind said her name pleadingly. Heart pounding in his ears Toll asked, "Mac?" Holding Roads worried gaze, Tool knew it was going to be best to lay all the important information out there first. "She's alright Toll," Tool began in as reassuring of a voice as he could manage and continued his tone changing, "but Neal's dead and she did it." Toll stared a Tool as his mind tried to absorb what the man had just said, Toll asked,"What?" Still not able to process anything. His mind refusing to believe what Tool said.

Tool watched Road as disbelief washed over the mans face. "She's ok Toll." Tool began reminding Toll of his previous words, then continued. "He broke into her house and she had no choice."

His muscles seized for a moment."When? Where is she?" Toll asked, his expression darkening.

"Tuesday night and she's at my place. When they released her this morning..." Tool had been about to tell Toll Road when he'd gone to see her earlier, she'd asked Tool if he'd take her to meet him. And that he'd told her couldn't take her to see him, but that seeing the desperation in her eyes he brought her to his house.

"She was in the hospital? Why the fuck didn't you call me." His expression darkening more, anger mixing with the worry on his face. Again, Tool felt the need to reassure him. "I'm sorry Toll. I didn't know until yesterday afternoon. She didn't want you to worry..." Toll interrupted him again cutting off the rest of what he was going to say.

"You should have called me." Toll stated as he began to move toward his truck.

Tool watched Toll Road rush to his truck, pausing long enough to stuff his rifle in his bag, then throw the bag in the back seat. Then slam that door and hurriedly get in the front even from this distance Tool could see the worry and trepidation that marked Tolls features. And understood this was going to be every bit as hard on Toll as it was on Kamron. He watched Toll back up, then drive off. He heard Caesars worried voice from behind him ask, "Is Mac okay?" Turning Tool met Hale's concerned gaze, uncertain what he should share. "Yes." He said the word even though he knew it was far from the truth, it wasn't his place to tell any of them anymore than what they'd heard and seen since Toll stepped off the plane. His gaze left Hale and met Barney's, the look Barney gave him was full of questions.

Barney had been last off the plane and really hadn't caught much of what was being said. He'd heard the elevated tone of Toll Road voice from on the plane, but by the time he'd gotten off the plane himself he'd missed most of whatever was going on. He knew it had to do with Mac and it wasn't good. He only came into the conversation as Tool tried to explain to a near frantic Toll, Tuesday night and she at my place. The rest of the exchange left him puzzled. He stood watching as Toll rushed to his truck and drove off, then listened as Hale asked if Mac was ok. And he watched and listened as Tool answered yes, but Barney knew looking a Tool that wasn't really the man's opinion.

Tool didn't leave quickly he stayed at the hangar watching the guys leave. He'd nearly suggested to Gunnar he give Toll and Mac sometime before he went home, but he knew Gunnar needed to head home and that he would make himself scarce keeping out of sight. And he really didn't think Toll would stay there with her long. So he hadn't said anything just watched as Gunnar climbed into his beat up old truck and drove off. Barney approached him after the others had left and straight to the point like always asked the question he wanted to know about. "Are you going to tell me what's going or not?" Unlike the with the others Tool would have to tell Barney more. After a heavy pause Tool answered. "Macs been having problems with an ex. The guy broke into her house. Her brothers been staying with her, but when Liam went to investigate the guy knocked him out... he was going to kill her..." Really not comfortable sharing this information even with Barney, Tool trailed off then added a second later. "If you want to know more you need to talk to Toll."

* * *

><p>Once Toll arrived at Tools and let himself in using the key he'd had for years, he ignored the lift heading for the door adjacent to the one he'd just walked through. Yanking it open, he took the stairs that led to the living quarters above two at a time. When he stepped into the upper hallway, he followed the hallway directly in front of him. Passing the first door on the right, which led to the room he'd once called his own, for a period in time. He kept walking, his pace hurried, he only had to go a few more feet and the wall to the left opened up into a big living area and he saw her curled up on the worn black leather sofa. Her small frame curled on its side, facing the back of the couch. A thin blue blanket covering her.<p>

Toll paused for a moment his eyes traveling over her again. Trying to calm the nearly overwhelming panic he'd felt since he left the hangar. His heart pounded painfully as he moved closer. His protective instincts hummed stronger as he took another step forward, making it difficult to breathe. Every part of him focused on her sleeping form wrapped in that blue blanket. He sat down on the edge of the couch beside her, careful not to startle her.

She might be asleep, but it wasn't a peaceful slumber, he noted as he leaned over her little body. Her face twitched and her muscle tensed. "Mac" he whispered as his hand went to her shoulder and gently rolled her onto her back. "Mac." He said again, this time his voice a bit louder than before, but no less gentle, he reached out and touched her face, cupping her cheek gently in her palm, his fingers sliding into her hair. The pain he felt for her intensifying as he saw the dark smudges under her eyes and the anxiousness that creased her normally smooth brow and pinched her beautiful features.

Macs eyes came open, the fog of a nightmare clouding her mind. Disoriented at first she was ready to fight whoever or whatever it was. Until she realized who it was that said her name and gently touched her. Mac held his anxious eyes only a moment before she breathed his name "Garrett." She set up quickly and wrapped herself around him. Breathing in deeply the familiar scent that she knew as his, along with the smell of sweat. That sickening hollow feeling left over from her nightmare spread throughout her body and the tears that had remained unshed all day began to fall the moment he wrapped his arms around her. "You're here." She said softly, her voice anguished, she buried herself deeper into his broad chest.

Toll watched her eyes come open suddenly and she thought for a moment she would fight his touch. And then recognition set in and she said his name. "Garret" the sound more a breath than a word. She set up quickly and wrapped her arms around him, burying herself against his broad chest. "You're here." She said next, the emotion in those two softly spoken words tearing at his chest.

Toll ignored the pain that shot up his side as she wrapped herself tighter around him. He just held her close as he felt her body begin to shake, the feeling made the tearing pain in his own chest worsen. She clung to him tighter, like she was afraid he'd disappear. The pain in his chest became almost too much. Needing to reassure her as much as himself, he whispered. "It's alright Mac. I'm here and I'm not leaving you." Then he made a soft shushing noise. In answer her body shook harder as broken sobs left her chest.

The sound of his gently voiced words made the heavy sick feeling in her stomach twist and turn into a coiling mass and that hollow feeling intensify. She knew he meant the words to comfort, but still a dark voice inside her whispered in answer, it will never be alright. Her tears turned to sobs and stomach began to spasm around the mass inside her as if agreeing with the part of her that had answered his word. Mac pressed closer to him, wanting desperately to believe what he said.

He felt her press closer and shifted his body so she was more fully facing him. The sound of her sobs causing something inside him to break off. Closing his eyes tightly as he made that soft noise again that was meant to calm her then lowered his head and whispered against her ear. "I'm here Mac." Those words only threatening to make the sickness in her stomach a reality, she felt the building pressure in her stomach as it clamped down on itself. And pulled from him as she jumped up rushing to the bathroom Tool had shown her earlier.

Falling to her knees beside the toilet as her stomach began to heave in earnest. She threw up, the acidic fluid of her empty stomach burning her throat. She felt gentle hands reach out and catch her hair. Staring into the toilet bowl, she heard his voice again. "Mac." The single word broken and unsure. She turned her head and looked up at him where he hovered squatted down a couple of feet away. His gaze and face dark with worry and anxiety. Her stomach muscle contracted painfully again and she turned her head quickly. Helpless, Toll moved closer, his other hand going to her back he rubbed it gently.

She began to cry harder sobs racking her body while her stomach continued to heave. And Toll was lost to do anything, he knew anything he could say wouldn't help what was happening to her at this moment. So he just continued to comfort her as best he could as her body shook. His gaze leaving her when he heard the sound of the lift rising and stopping at its place just down the hall. He heard the heavy tread of someone walking by and caught a glimpse of Gunnar's tall form and blond hair as he passed. Toll was glad he'd had the presence of mind to push the door mostly closed when he followed her in here, but he was equally as thankful when Gunnar paused and reached back shutting the door completely.

* * *

><p>Gunnar heard her broken sobs the moment the lift stopped, he hesitated a minute. Not wanting to intrude. He hadn't known what to say at the hangar no one had. In his experience no words ever were right when it came to death. But some deaths weighed more than others. Killing someone who deserved it was easy enough to overcome, you really didn't feel anything or at least he didn't. And from the little he knew the guy probably had it coming. An easy kill. But not for someone like her, she might never be the same again. He began to move again deciding if they were in the living room, he'd come back and use the main bathroom to shower. Keeping his steps heavy enough Toll Road would hear him coming he walked on. The sound of those fragmented sobs pulled at something inside him. He knew they were in the bathroom before he passed the door, pausing on the other side, he reached back and grabbed the knob in his hand closing the door quietly.<p>

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later when Macs body finally quieted and she felt the numbness set back in. She stared at the wall behind the toilet a minute, feeling his hand tenderly rubbing her back. She blinked the tears from her eyes and stood slowly, Tolls hand stopped moving, but rested gently in the small of her back. His other hand, leaving her hair as he helped her stand. Mac didn't look at him just stepped away and walked to the sink, knowing his eyes were on her. He moved so he stood behind her and watched her in the mirror as she turned on the tap and leaned over the sink, rinsing her mouth out and splashing water on her face. When she finally looked in the mirror he had turned and was grabbing something out of the cupboard behind him. He turned, catching her gaze in the mirror and the worry she saw there made her want to cry again. She held his gaze in the mirror as he handed her a hand towel over her shoulder, Mac reached back and took it from his hand and shifted her gaze from his again. Then wiped her red puffy face dry.<p>

When she finished, she laid the towel down on the counter, then turned and looked up at him. Toll hesitated uncertain what to do, his heart breaking as he held her gaze. He reached for her catching her arms in his hands and pulled her close. When she didn't pull back her wrapped his arms around her, needing this contact. She surprised him when she spoke her voice sounding scratchy from crying and throwing up, "Can we go to your house now?" The pressure those softly spoken words made enter his chest was nearly too much. He hadn't planned on letting her out of his sight, but the knowledge that he was what she wanted after everything that had happened to her made it hard to breathe. "Yes." He whispered, and tightened his hold on her.

* * *

><p>Toll squeezed her hand as he opened the truck door and reached over the seat, dropping her bag in the back, then turned and stepped back, wanting her to look at him. She seemed so fragile and diminished at the moment. And it made the anxious worry filling his body worsen. He'd been thankful when he left with her they hadn't seen anyone on the way to the door. He just wanted to get her to his house. She finally looked up at him and it startled him for a moment, that light, he was so used to seeing in her eyes was gone not a single trace remained. They were no less beautiful, but they weren't the same. They seemed haunted and it tore at him again, making it difficult to breathe.<p>

As she turned and got in his truck he knew he had to find a way to help her. The words this is your fault whispered throughout him and tightened around his heart. He should have made sure. He should have taken care of Neal himself, he should have fixed it so he knew Neal would stay far from her. Toll shut the door after she was in the truck and walked around it and got in. His trepidation easing, but only minutely as he felt her little hand slide into his. His gaze left the street in front of him and came to her. She didn't look at him just intertwined her fingers through his. He wanted her to talk to him, suddenly feeling an almost overwhelming need to hear her speak. But he sensed she wasn't ready. So he made himself stay quiet, knowing she was struggling with everything going on inside her and when she was ready to talk she would.

As he continued to drive his mind threatened to drive him insane, reciting all he knew which wasn't much really and none of it reassuring. They made the trip across town in total silence, she didn't even look at him, just stared out the window, her head tilted back against the headrest her face hidden from him. His own worry and anxiety making him near frantic again, those emotions settling like a lead weight in his stomach. His gaze quickly shifted to her so he could assure himself at least physically she was unharmed. He desperately wanted to know what was going on inside her mind. He wanted to know what happened, but mostly he wanted to find the words to tell her she would be alright and that he'd make sure of it. He knew she needed time, but he also knew it was going to kill him waiting.

Mac slid her hand into his after he'd gotten into the truck and leaned her head back against the head rest then stared out the window. Trying to draw the strength from him. She tried to relax, her eyes falling closed, she let the warmth of the sun shining through the window warm her face. Trying to keep her present reality at bay. She fixed her mind on that bright sun, and the man sitting beside her and felt Tolls hand tighten around hers. Her mind shifting to how badly she wanted him today, how by the time they released her from the hospital he was the only thought she had. And as if sensing her need he held her hand as much as possible only pulling his hand from hers when shifting made it a necessity.

She opened her eyes as the sunlight shining on her face started to become patchy, hitting her face brightly and then becoming dimmer then hitting her face brightly again. When she saw the trees, she wasn't surprised, knowing it was them that made the light dance and play. She continued to stare out the window, not even noticing as they crossed the bridge that should of alerted her to where they were. She didn't realize till they slowed down to make the turn onto the end of her street, her own home coming into her view. Mac lifted her head as panic set in. The image Neal's dead body entering her mind in vivid clarity. Then the feel of the gun in her hands, the weighty metal warmed by her own skin. It's loud report echoing through her house. And this time it echoed through her as well, the echo the loudest as it passed through her soul. Just as it became hard for her to breathe, she felt Tolls hand squeeze hers that gesture steadying her some she squeezed his hand back. She pulled herself back from the panic threatening her and felt the numbness begin to settle around her again.

Toll felt her body stiffen as they turned onto the end of the their street and he squeezed her small hand. Cursing himself for being an idiot he should have come around the back way avoiding her house. His worried gaze switched to her and watched her tense as her body pivoted and she watched her house even after they'd passed it. Squeezing her hand tighter, he felt her small hand squeeze his back.

They pulled into Tolls yard and he shut the truck off waiting for her to look at him or acknowledge where they were. Unease dancing across his skin, jumping from nerve ending to nerve ending. Berating himself again for not going the back way. He asked, his voice gentle and filled with emotions, "Mac, sweetheart, are you ready?"

The sound of Tolls voice laced with anxiety and worry brought her out of that numbing fog, she turned her head and met his worried gaze and nodded her head. He sat there and held her gaze, seeing that chaos of feelings mirrored in them, again having no idea what to do, the pain and emotions he saw as he looked at her made his heartbreak.

Mac followed him into the house, Toll had watched her get out of the truck without waiting for him to open the door for her. She paused as her gaze shifted toward the end of the street, then she turned and walked toward him. He wanted to shower, but was reluctant to leave her side just yet. He watched her walk further into his house her back to him, she stared at the couch. Again drifting away from him to another place far away. That dark place created by the things he should have protected her from, his mind accused.

She turned and looked at him and Toll felt himself step closer to her. He wanted to touch her, he had to make this better, at least as much as he could. She stepped closer wrapping her arms around him.

* * *

><p>Toll made it as far as removing his boots, changing his clothes and cleaning up a bit. He'd decided he'd wait and shower before he went to bed, right now he needed to be able to see her and feel her close by. When he came back from his room she wasn't where he left her. Instantly growing anxious, he began looking for her then he heard water running in the main bathroom. Taking a deep breath he didn't know where he'd thought shed gone, but finding her missing from the couch had scared him. He sat down on the couch and waited for her to leave the bathroom, telling himself she was fine she was just in the other room. He'd managed to calm himself down by the time she entered the living room again. But still his eyes traveled over her as she walked toward him, the expression on her face tearing at his heart yet again. She didn't say a word just sat down next to him, and curled up against his side, tucking her body under his arm, then rested her head against his chest, her arm stretched across his stomach. Toll wrapped his own arm around her. And breathed in the scent of her hair.<p>

Mac sat there snuggled against Tolls muscled chest, his arm wrapped around her. Concentrating on the sound of his heart beating and the warmth of his body. This is what she needed, he was what she needed. His presence slipping past the numbness and wrapping itself around her. He didn't make her feel anxious or look at her with pity. She'd seen concern and fear in his eyes today, but not pity. He had turned on the television a while ago stopping on The Fastest Indian, a movie she'd normally love to watch, but this time she only partly saw Anthony Hopkins and his trip from New Zealand to Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. She knew Toll had turned the television on to help distract her just as she knew he'd chosen this movie because he knew this story based on real events was a favorite of hers. They'd had at one point had a long conversation about it where she'd given him the facts behind the movie. He'd listened to her amusedly and she'd been very aware he found her recounting of the facts and contradictions in the movie entertaining and when she'd finished he chuckled at her then kissed her gently. And that memory coupled with his soothing presence made her feel calmer than she had before. And it kept the last memory she had of Neal from entering her mind.

The television was on and had been but he wasn't certain she watched. He didn't pay any attention to it, focusing himself on her. They'd sat with Mac curled against Tolls side for a long time, at least two hours when he finally asked her if she was hungry. She simply shook her head against his chest. He asked her if she'd eaten today and her response was another shake of the head. He didn't push her about needing to eat, just continued to hold her till his stomach started voicing its need of food. She looked up at him as his stomach rumbled and held his gaze. The dark smudges under her eyes were even worse than they'd been earlier. Her troubled eyes drifted from his to the dark stubble that lined his jaw. He lowered his head without even realizing he was doing it, her gaze shifted, coming back to his and he paused waiting. When she didn't look away just held his gaze, he lowered his head the rest of the way, pausing one more time as her eyes fell closed. Then brushed her soft lips with his own. She didn't return the kiss, but she didn't pull away from him either. Still, he broke the contact, pulling back, knowing now wasn't the time for this. He just held her for a moment more than disentangled himself from her small frame reluctantly. Saying gently, in a reassuring voice, "I'll be right back sweetheart." She sat up watching him, her lightless eyes connecting with his. Again, Toll felt that painful pressure in his chest, holding her listless gaze. Seeing no trace of the women he cared for so much it scared him by times. He watched as her eyes left his and she laid down, curling up where he'd sat. He left her and went in search of his phone. Then ordered food for them both.


	35. Chapter 34

Now it all made sense; now he understood. As horrible as it sounded Barney finally understood why that girl wanted Toll Road. He thought, as he left the hangar and started his drive home. It wasn't the fairy tale that Tool seemed to think it was. She'd had an ulterior motive just like Barney had suspected in the beginning. He hadn't been able to figure out what her agenda was but he'd known there was one. But he had to say it all made sense now. She'd been in trouble and Toll Road had been there a ready and willing protector. The big scarred guy easily led by a pretty face, he was someone to watch over her until she figured her situation out. Barney wondered just how long she'd stay around now that she had no need of a protector? But Barney kept his opinion to himself not bothering to say anything to Tool. Tool wouldn't believe it anyway, all he saw when he looked at that young woman was a pretty face just like Toll Road did. It didn't matter Tool would see just how right Barney was about her, with her artful smiles and coy looks. And then Toll Road would pay the price, it would most likely fuck him up and add to the already enormous amount of issues he had. And that was the best case scenario, Barney didn't even want to think about the other things that could happen.

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><p>Tool had seen that look in Barney's eyes, after the initial shock wore off. His friend had an untrusting nature and had instantly chosen to believe the worst about the situation. No doubt in Barney's eyes Mac had just proved how unworthy and undeserving she was. Barney Ross was a hard-edged, cynical man who had very little faith in people in general and women especially. Really, it was normal for men like them, to think and act that way. Life had taught them all long ago that if it looked to good to be true it probably was. And that most women weren't trust worthy.<p>

Tool had personally never questioned Macs motives. But then again, he wasn't nearly as hardened or jaded as Barney, mainly because he chose not to be. Tool had known the first time he saw Mac and Toll together, there was something there between them and if you really looked it was obvious. Nothing would make Tool think she had an ulterior motive. But all Barney had seen was an attractive, charming young women with a flirtatious personality and he'd questioned exactly what someone like her could want with a man like Toll Road. And really Tool could understand why Barney thought that way, they were an unlikely pair. She was vibrant and engaging, a social butterfly and Toll was introverted and to outsiders who didn't know him it was worse. Tolls shyness made him off-putting. And women, especially, ones like her generally paid him no attention. Tool might have been somewhat skeptical himself, if he hadn't sat and talked with her that night at Tolls and saw for himself how she responded to Road. And in Barney's defense, none of it was really personal it was just the product of hard life full of disappointment, it had turned Barney's heart and made him incapable of understanding or accepting of something he saw as impossible. Tool had almost warned Barney to be careful when and if he spoke to Toll Road about all of this but didn't. He knew no matter what Barney's opinion was, he'd keep it to himself.

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><p>It had been difficult for Marguerite Sinclair to not argue when Mac told her she was going to Tools to wait for Toll to get home. And not because of the man Tool himself, although Maggie felt certain the man had seen the shock on her face when she saw him. She'd found herself momentarily hoping that this man with his leather vest, stringy, over long graying hair, two toned cowboy hat and jewelry wasn't an example of Macs, Toll. Then she'd instantly felt guilty, Maggie wasn't one for judging someone based on looks or appearance and now wasn't the time to start. Not after all Mac had just been through and still faced. And Maggie could see the genuine concern in Tools eyes when he looked at Kamron, she'd also witnessed the sad reassuring smile he'd given her. So Marguerite didn't say anything, just took Mac to pick up the prescriptions for Ativan and Lunesta that the doctor had prescribed and dropped her off at the tattoo parlor. Knowing her eldest daughter needed to feel as close as she could to Toll and this odd man was as close as she could get at the moment.<p>

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><p>Toll had really hoped the smell of the food he had ordered her would entice her into eating. He'd put the chicken fingers and fries on a plate for her after it arrived, but it still sat in her lap untouched. As much as he'd wanted her to eat, he didn't push the subject, he didn't want to upset her and could understand how food wasn't appealing to her at this moment. So when he finished eating, he just took her food as well as his empty plate and carried it to the kitchen and put hers away. Not commenting. His greater concern at present was the fact she still hadn't talked. Again, it was a natural reaction to all she'd been through the last few days and he also knew when she was ready she'd talk to him. But it didn't stop him from selfishly wanting to hear her voice, even if it was just one simple word. None in particular just any word, he needed to hear her voice.<p>

Mac watched his hand reach out and take the plate of food from her lap. And was aware of his troubled gaze on her as he did it. She really wasn't surprised he ordered her food even though she'd indicated she wasn't hungry. And she thought about eating it despite the fact she didn't want it, but everytime she thought about food her stomach turned. Still, she'd wanted to eat it for no other reason than to reassure him, but she couldn't. She was so exhausted mentally and spiritually. She needed to sleep, maybe if she could sleep she could make sense of the things that had happened. Maybe if she slept she could talk, she hadn't said anything really since Toll had brought her here and she knew it worried him. She wanted to talk to him, she wanted to tell him she was alright, but she couldn't get the words to form on her tongue. And maybe if she slept she could eat. She stood up and followed Toll to the kitchen and hung back in the doorway watching him, he put her food back in its container and opened the fridge. Mac wanted to say something, wanted to reassure him she was alright, but when she forced the words out all that came was, "I'm so tired."

He got his wish as he put her food back into its take out box and put it in the fridge. He hadn't known she'd followed him into the kitchen. He'd been so caught up in his own thoughts, he hadn't heard her approach so he was completely taken off guard when he heard her voice, it sounded faint and scratchy from disuse. "I'm so tired." He instantly turned and looked at her where she stood in the doorway. Hearing her voice didn't make him feel better at all, her tone was hollow and lost and meeting her troubled gaze, noticing how much darker and sunken, her beautiful eyes appeared in her ashen face made the horrible heavy feeling he'd carried all afternoon tear at his chest again. Moving toward her and holding her gaze, he suggested gently, "you can go lay down in my room sweetie."

Mac wanted to take the offer desperately, she was so physically and mentally exhausted, but she didn't want to do it without him. She knew she was going to have to try to sleep and hoped she could with him near her. His reassuring presence had blanketed her and kept the panic at bay this afternoon. And she knew if she could sleep she'd be alright, she wouldn't need to go see that doctor, she'd be ok.

Toll hadn't thought about sleeping arrangements when he brought her home with him. Not that it would have mattered he wanted her close to him, but now that she'd mentioned being tired it hit him. Would she want to sleep with him? Uncertain at first what to do, but after a moment he came to the conclusion it really didn't matter, if she wanted him with her he would be. But he didn't know how to ask her if that's what she wanted or not. He was thinking about how to stumble through that question when she spoke again. "I have to go see Dr. Adams tomorrow." She said, woodenly, dropping her gaze from his. Toll waited, all thoughts of their sleeping arrangements gone. He Waited for her to say more, but as the seconds ticked by she didn't so he asked, "Who's Dr. Adams?" Still not meeting his eyes, she answered "The hospital _shrink_," she said the word _shrink_ with enough meaning for him to guess how she felt about it. It was the best thing for her at the moment in his opinion. But he could tell watching her, she didn't want to do it and the thing with therapy was it only worked if you wanted it to. She spoke again a second later, "the appointments tomorrow at two."

"Do you want me to take you?" Toll asked, watching her closely.

"I'm not sure... I'm just so tired.. If I could just sleep... I just need to sleep.." She looked up and met his eyes. The misery and torment in her eyes was almost too much for him. He hated seeing her like this he'd give anything to change this all, his mind drifting back to how frantic he'd been this afternoon before he gotten to Tools and how helpless he'd felt as she threw up over and over. His body tightening as he remembered the fear and helpless he'd felt watching her, the feelings wrapping around his body again and making it difficult to breathe. He reminded himself he couldn't let his emotions take over, she needed him. Instead, focusing on her doctor's appointment. He'd been about ready to tell her if she decided she wanted him to, he'd go with her to the appointment when she spoke again, asking. "Will you sleep with me?" Her eyes came back to his and Toll stood there not speaking for a moment as the vulnerability he saw in her gaze tore at him. He replied after a moment, his voice soft. "Yes, but I need to shower and get my gear in the house before I can go to bed, hon." Even as tired and worn as she felt, she noticed the new nickname. A thing that would normally make her breath catch, but it did nothing to her. The fact that it did nothing to her made her want to cry. She wanted so acutely to wake up and have this all be a horrible nightmare. But she knew that wish was one that wouldn't come true. No matter how hard she tried. And like he did so often with her, he seemed to sense what she needed. Stepping closer, he reached for her pulling her into his arms and rested his chin on the top of her head.

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><p>Macs mother had decided she wanted to stay at Macs that night, just so she could feel close to her. And her husband had agreed. So they'd load Macs poor stressed dog into the back of their rental car and then followed Liam across town to Macs. With them having no idea exactly where Macs house was, Liam had decided to show them rather than give them directions. He'd also been sure to point out Tolls house just down the street. Maggie had seen pictures and known the house Mac bought was nice and Lex had told her after she gotten home from her visit how much she loved the huge old house on its little knoll, surrounded by big old trees. Maggie had laughed at her youngest daughters wording when she told her the place seemed magical. But Maggie could see it now that she was here, she didn't know that magical was the word she'd use to describe it herself, charming was a better word, but still she understood why Lex liked the place so much. Like many of these old house built in the years just after the civil war, it had been built to show the wealth and prosperity of the people it housed. Most likely a gentleman farmer, wealthy business man from the north or a carpet bagger. The trees and garden and the location for that matter where chosen, specifically, to add to the homes aesthetic appeal. But as she stood there taking it all in, she was hit by how wrong it felt to have just come here now after all this ugliness. Mac had lived in this house for months and the only family that had been here beside Liam was Lex.<p>

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><p>Mac waited for Toll to go outside and get his gear, after he'd broken their hug. The look in his eyes when he'd looked down at her made the heavy weight in her chest worsen. He looked like at her like he knew and understood more than he possibly could, like he felt what she felt. When he came back inside through the garage his bag wasn't in his hand and Mac assumed he'd left it in the garage. His eyes met hers after he'd shut and locked the door and asked her gently, if she was ready to go to bed. She replied, "yes." And then got a drink of water and followed him to his room, stopping and grabbing her bag from the main bathroom which he promptly took from her hands. She waited for that soft feeling to spread through her body, the one that came every time he made a gesture or did something sweet for her. But it didn't come, just like she hadn't felt anything when he used a different endearment than normal earlier. Again she wanted to cry. She felt helpless and numb.<p>

After they entered Tolls bedroom Mac stared at the large wooden bed in front of her warily. Almost afraid to climb in, she knew the moment she closed her eyes it would all start. The images of what had happened would enter her head. The sleeping pills in her bag which Toll had placed by the foot of his bed came to mind. Her mother had insisted on picking them up before she dropped Mac off at Tools earlier, Mac hadn't wanted to, but her mother said she might need them. Mac had never been one to take pills. And she didn't like the way the drugs they had pumped her full of at the hospital made her feel, but she hadn't taken anything last night and she hadn't slept at all. In fact, the only sleep she'd had in well over twenty-four hours was the little she'd gotten at Tools. And she didn't believe it was a significant amount. She desperately needed and wanted sleep, thinking again, maybe if she slept she could think and some of the numbness would leave her.

Toll set her bag on the floor by the foot of his bed and turned, looking at her, she just stared at his bed. She looked exhausted the dark circles under her weary eyes, highlighted by her pasty skin. She seemed apprehensive like she was afraid to go to bed. He didn't say anything, just watched her, uncertain what to say. Deciding to give her privacy for a minute he left her side and walked to his dresser and opened a drawer and started gathering some clothes. When he turned back around she was sitting on the edge of his bed, her hands resting palm down on either side of her hips. Her lifeless eyes on him.

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><p>Toll paused in the doorway to the master bath and looked back over his shoulder. His eyes traveling to the bed and her small form in it. She laid on her side, facing him, her eyes downcast, hugging one of his pillows to her chest another under her head. His heart constricted painfully. She looked so world-weary and lost. He was reluctant to leave her, recalling how hesitant she'd appeared about getting into bed moments ago. He knew she was afraid to sleep; afraid of the things she might see after she closed her eyes. He had to fight the impulse to walk back across the room and crawl into bed with her then quickly reminded himself the faster he showered the sooner he'd be where he wanted to be. He turned and stepped into the bathroom, laying his clothes down on the counter, then walked to the shower and turned it on. As he stripped his mind stayed fixated on the women curled up in his bed.<p>

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><p>After Liam left and she and Douglas were alone in the house, Maggie couldn't help but feel strange about being here. Especially, without Mac. She wandered around the house thinking about Mac and the horrible events that had happened Tuesday night. She could see no signs of the ugliness, nothing spoke or whispered the secret the house now held. The window Neal had broken was promptly replaced by John Butler the next morning, John and wife Catherine had also taken care of dealing with the people who came in to clean up the mess. You would never know.<p>

She found herself wandering the hallway that led from the back of the house to the front, realizing that somewhere in this area was where it had all happened. Where her daughter had taken Neal's life. Her memory recounting all Liam had told them about that night or at least what he could, the last moments Mac and Neal had shared, were still a mystery. That horrible knowledge scared Maggie to her core, it terrified her what Mac had faced alone. And she wanted to help her, but Maggie wasn't certain Mac would allow it or want her help. Mac had kept so much from both Maggie and her husband. And now knowing the things she knew Maggie felt horrible, when Neal and Mac split up Maggie had been heart-broken, both Douglas and herself had hoped they'd call that charming young man son-in-law some day. If Mac had told them; if she'd opened up, but she had always been a private, secretive person even as a child.

Maggie had thought a lot about her older brother James and his experiences with war and death since she'd watched Mac struggle with herself last night. He returned from duty a changed man. They'd gone to the fireworks show on the Fourth of July shortly after he'd returned and the sound of the mortars going off had terrified him. He had suffered from shell shock or as they called it now a days PTSD. James had left Massachusetts just months later and moved west. He found a job in the small strip mining community of Silverton, Colorado, a small town with a small population of five hundred or so. Located on the Million Dollar Highway deep in the Rockies. The peace and quiet along with the isolation from the outside world had helped him, but he'd never been the same. In later years when Douglas and herself had taken the children and gone to visit James, he told Maggie the first life he took was the one that changed him. At first he'd shocked Maggie, she had never heard him speak of his time in the military and she hadn't known what to say. To her knowledge still to this day she was the only one James ever talked to about his experiences.

The person her brother was before he left for war was never there again. He'd been fun-loving and goofy, could command an entire rooms attention with a single smile, those qualities along with others Mac shared with him. And it terrified Maggie to realize she might never have that part of her daughter again. It scared her more than anything she'd ever faced, knowing she might be facing that change with Mac. She knew it wasn't a fair analogy James had endured years more of death after he'd taken that first life. But still she couldn't help but think about it when she thought about Mac and it terrified her, she couldn't bear the thought of all those things that made Mac who she was, disappearing.

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><p>Mac felt herself begin to panic after Toll shut the door to the bathroom. The silence of the house fueled the anxiety Tolls presence had kept at bay. She could hear him moving around in the other room and the shower turn on, but it wasn't the same. Shed been fine earlier when he'd gone to his truck to get his gear and when he'd ordered dinner and for that matter when he'd changed his clothes after they'd gotten here, but this time it was different. Those times she hadn't been curled up in his soft bed waiting for him before she went to sleep. The anxiety in her breast worsened, she was suddenly terrified of sleep. She sat up crawling from his comfortable bed and grabbed her bag from the by the foot of it. Then set it on the end of the mattress digging around until she found the bottle that held the sleeping pills. She hadn't planned on taking them and she didn't want to take them. But she needed to sleep, desperately. She could try to sleep without them and maybe being close to Toll would help, but she was afraid the moment she fell asleep if she could, Neal would enter her dreams. He was already there, hovering, waiting for her to close her eyes. Placing her bag back on the floor and not thinking about the decision to take the pills, she moved back to the head of the bed and sat down on its edge, opening the bottle. She took one out and put it in her mouth, then took a drink of water swallowing it.<p>

Toll showered as quickly as possible, then he got out he dried off and put on the clean clothes he'd brought into the bathroom with him. He usually slept in just his boxer briefs, but tonight he knew he couldn't, after he'd dressed he walked to the door and opened it, slightly, his gaze instantly going to the bed just so he could assure himself she was where he left her. Shed rolled over, but she still lay curled up in the middle of his bed, he watched her a moment and then returned to the sink and brushed his teeth.

Toll left the light on over the sink in the bathroom thinking she might want the light, then left the bathroom door ajar and walked toward the bed. She was still facing away from him, he watched her thinking she might look at him, but she didn't she just laid there perfectly still. As he reached the bed, he noted the pill bottle on the nightstand beside her glass of water, it hadn't been there earlier. He was curious about the bottle but didn't pick it up and read the label, not wanting to invade her privacy. He sat down on the edge of the bed, and turned off the lamp, then laid down on his side facing her back, his eyes traveled down the line of her tank top clad form to where the blankets lay along the curve of her hip. Even given the situation he didn't fail to notice how her long hair looked spread out across his bed, the sight caused his chest to tighten painfully with protectiveness and something more. He'd just started to shift closer when she rolled her body toward his, onto her side facing him and snuggle into his body, her troubled and exhausted eyes met his briefly before she settled in. Her arms folded up in front of her, her fingers instantly working into his t-shirt and holding onto it. She laid her head on his arm close to his shoulder. The action surprised him slightly, he hadn't known if she would want to cuddle with him and if anything he'd have expected her to snuggle her back against his chest, not cuddle up to him chest to chest. The sight of her body lying close to him in that position seemed so achingly sweet. She hadn't looked at him again just kept her eyes closed and wiggled closer, one of her knees sliding between his. He shifted his leg that was on top sliding it along the thigh of her leg that now rested between his. And wrapped the arm, she rested her head on around her small shoulders, reaching up with his other hand and brushed the hair from her face, gently, unable to resist running his finger through the soft mass and allowing it to fall over his arm. His hand left her silky hair and went to her shoulder and slid down the curve of her side, then shifted and slid across her lower back, then back up her spine. Stopping so his arm bent at the elbow, behind her back. He lifted his head and then leaned down, placing a soft kiss on her temple. And tightened his arms around her protectively.

Mac lay there, trying desperately to keep her mind focused on Tolls large body holding hers. But it was difficult Neal's image hovered just outside consciousness, she could feel it pulling at her. She felt Tolls body shift and his hand come up and brush the hair from her face then his body moved slightly as he leaned down and kissed her temple, the rough stubble that covered his jaw tickling her face. He lifted his lips from her skin as his arms tightened around her. His gentle actions chasing the memory of Neal slightly further into the back of her mind. She laid there, feeling his warmth wrapped around her and the steady beat of his heart against the back of her hand. No more than a moment later she felt the muscles in the arm he'd laid across her waist flex and then a gentle tugging in the hair he'd softly brushed from her face and across his arm. The feeling of his long fingers playing in the her hair, combined with the steady beat of his heart and the warmth of his body lulled her as the sleeping pills kicked in.

Toll knew the instant she fell asleep. Her body relaxing into his completely as her breathing became shallow and even. Ignoring the dull pain in his rib he laid there just holding her, his fingers continuing their play in her long hair, as thoughts rushed through his head. His mind fixating on all that had happened. The knowledge that she slept, her body curled against his and his arms wrapped around her didn't help, it only made his guilt and anger with himself worsen. An accusing voice in his mind seemed determined to remind him he could, yet again, have stopped something bad from happening to her. That voice also didn't fail to point out exactly what it meant, he'd failed her. His mother had always said everything happened for a reason and Toll had believed that in his youth. Just as he'd believed everything he'd been taught as a child and most of it he still believed, but that one he'd struggled with since he'd left home. There had been instances in his life and events he'd seen that he felt certain were meant to happen and then others where the events seemed so senseless. So he'd come to the conclusion that there were some places in life you had to be, exact moments you had to live regardless of the paths you took to get there. For instance, when it was your time to die it would happen, it wouldn't matter if you were sitting on your couch or driving in a car. But no matter how hard he tried as he lay there with Mac sleeping against his chest, he couldn't make himself believe what she'd gone through Tuesday night was meant to happen. Neal's death yes, but not Mac killing him. Toll should have protected her. He knew what it was to kill someone, remembered the first life he'd ever taken. It changed him and he knew it would change her. It would take her innocence and shed never be able to go back. And it was his fault. Toll didn't try to tell himself anything different as he lay there with her in his arms, thinking about that lost look he'd seen in her eyes.

It was around three when he heard her cry out the sound instantly waking him, he sat up, quickly, pain shooting up his side, he sucked in a pained breath as he reached for her. She had fallen asleep, her little body tucked close to his side, now she lay on the other side of his bed. His heart began to pound as she cried out again the sound full of fear. His hands went to her shoulders, pulling her to him, saying his voice gentle. "Mac, it's ok." Making a soft shushing noise he continued to reassure her, cradling her against his chest, he murmured to her tenderly, rocking her in his arms. She never fully woke, her eyes fluttered open for a second meeting his than quickly closed again. Slowly, her body relaxed against him, he sat that way with her for sometime as the fear that set in when he first heard her cry out slowly worked out of his body. Leaving an empty, helpless feeling in its wake that settled into his stomach. He eased her back onto the bed, his stressed rib protesting the effort, then he looked down at her. It wasn't long and her body was beginning to thrash around again and her face became panicked in sleep. Tolls chest tightened as he quickly eased back into the bed beside her and pulled her close to him. He laid on his left side, his arm snaking out and resting around her side and cradled her back against his chest, leaning closer he whispered into her ear, "it's alright sweetheart."


	36. Chapter 35

**Whoa! You guys are amazing, I never ever dreamed when I started this story it would hit 100 reviews! Honestly, I never dreamed I'd hit 10. Thank you! And I'm so sorry about the long wait on this chapter, things came up. Hope you all enjoy it! **

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><p>When Toll woke his eyes instantly sought Macs sleeping form in the bed beside him. She lay on her stomach a few inches to his left, her face turned away from him, her arms tucked under her body, her long hair tangled around her shoulders. Right now, at this second, her slumber seemed peaceful. But it hadn't been after that first nightmare hit her Last night, she'd tossed and turned and cried out several more times, those cries tore at him and made the helplessness he felt, worsen. He'd comforted her the best he could. Whispering in her ear, and holding her. But bad dreams had plagued her a rest of the night. She'd whimper and start struggling against the dark images filling her head, the whole experience had left Toll feeling, impotent, even now. He wanted to help her, wanted to make the dreams stop but he couldn't. He'd even tried once to get her to wake up fully, shaking her body gently. She'd opened her eyes, then shut them just as quickly and that's when he'd remembered the pill bottle on his nightstand. So he spent most of the night from three o'clock on, awake. Unable to sleep for the most part, it had given his mind plenty of time to analyze everything. It was amazing he'd gotten any more sleep at all. He found himself wishing he knew what had happened, wishing she'd told him. He wanted to know, that want becoming desperate as he lay there thinking the few facts he knew, over and over again. A voice from deep inside of him, reminding him, over and over, he shouldn't have let this happen. Telling him, he should have done whatever it took to prevent it. He tried to rationalize with himself that, he thought he had, but that same voice told him he should have known better. Not stopping at that accusation, that voice whispered, accusingly, you knew what Neal was. And Toll had, he suspected Neal was obsessive compulsive. And if Neal was paranoid like Toll thought? Well, then Toll should have seen his own actions might drive Neal over the edge. His actions hadn't deterred Neal at all, maybe, they'd even pushed Neal into doing what he did. And then Toll had left her, vulnerable and unprotected. The wave of guilt that hit him was powerful and almost blinding, twisting in his gut and around his heart. He'd pulled her tighter against his chest as his body tightened in response to that guilt. Once his body relaxed and the sick feeling rolling in his stomach subsided slightly, he still held her close needing the comfort the feeling of her small body pressed to his gave him.<p>

Toll tore his mind from his failure and brought himself back to present, before the culpability starting to well inside him became overpowering. He focused instead on the fact he would get her through this, no matter what, he'd silently told himself that several times last night and he meant it. But even as he told himself that, he'd kept seeing her in Tools bathroom throwing up or giving him that lost look, her eyes shadowed with exhaustion or her snuggled against his chest, trustingly, as she fell asleep, those images made him feel like a weight set on his chest, making it hard to breathe. But it also made him more determined. Mac wouldn't face any of this alone. Trying to shove the guilt away Toll laid there on his bed and allowed his eyes to travel down her, starting at her tangled hair and noting the way the broken rays of early morning light looked playing in it, then let his eyes wander slowly down the rest of her body to where the blankets tangled around her hips and legs, that sight, another reminder of her restless night. He reminded himself again, no matter what it cost him, he'd find a way to help her. He wouldn't let her face this alone.

As he lay there, his mind drifted to another worry. He didn't have to look at the pill bottle on his nightstand to know it held sleeping pills. He really didn't like the idea of her taking them, he wasn't a fan of any kind of prescription drugs. Actually, that wasn't true, entirely. He didn't have an issue with people taking the pills they needed. He just wasn't a fan of doctors handing out medication like candy and most did that these days. And he certainly wasn't a fan of prescription sleep aids, they were highly addictive, it took very little time for a person to become totally dependent. He knew, right now, Mac needed those pills to sleep, he just hoped she didn't end up hooked on them. He quickly shut that thought down, telling himself there wasn't any use in creating a problem where there wasn't one and might never be.

Rolling onto his left side and ignoring the twinge of pain the action brought on. He lifted himself up on his elbow, then let his eyes wander over her small frame, again, as he wondered, concerned and apprehensive, exactly what today would bring for her. How she'd feel when she woke? How everything would affect her? Would she remember it all before she woke? Or would the reality hit her when she opened her eyes and remembered it was his room she was in and why? He didn't know which of those scenarios would be better for her, but it really didn't matter it wasn't going to be easy whichever way she awoke.

A short time later he rolled over and got out of bed, he thought about trying to go back to sleep, but knew it would be almost impossible. It was five-thirty, his usual wake up time and after years of training himself to wake up at that time, he found it almost impossible to sleep later. Especially, if he stayed awake long, before he tried.

Besides, he had things he needed to do, one of them being, get his gear out of the garage and put away before she awoke. He'd made sure the door to the room where he kept his gear was locked last night before bed. He didn't need to check it, he was always careful to keep it locked, but he checked last night anyway. He wouldn't have been able to settle down and sleep if he hadn't. Just the idea that she could wander into that room, if he wasn't careful scared him, it was full of things he couldn't explain.

* * *

><p>Putting his gear away didn't take much time, Toll knew it wouldn't and he didn't really put it away anyway. Just took his gear bag to the room he kept his stuff in and quietly unlocked the door. Then walked inside and pulled out his rifle and pistol. Placing them on the work bench sat the bag on the floor and left. Uncertain what to do after he locked the door, he quickly decided he'd see what he could find to eat and then try to read, while he waited for Mac to wake up.<p>

Toll heard the knock on his door and he laid down the book he'd been trying, with little success to read. His eyes traveling quickly to the doorway of the hall as he stood up from his seat on the couch and walked to the front door. Hoping it wasn't one of the guys and glad regardless of who it was that they hadn't used the doorbell, Mac was still asleep and he wanted her to sleep till she was ready to wake up. And the doorbell would have certainly awoke her. When he reached the door and opened it and he was momentarily surprised, at first not recognizing the women in front of him. Then he realized this was Macs mother, not that they looked all that much alike except for the eyes, although their dark green color was enough, but because the women looking up at him with those same startling green eyes as Macs, looked exactly like Lex, just an older version.

Marguerite Sinclair hadn't known what to expect, but her imagination had pictured him differently. The tall, heavily muscled man, dressed in gray khakis and black T-shirt with troubled, but intelligent green eyes, standing before her wasn't it. Since she'd met Tool she'd pictured someone more like him in looks and personal style, long hair, gaudy man jewelry and leather.

And while the man standing before her did have a rough edge about him that was heightened by his scruffy facial hair, and the tattoos marking his inner forearms, he just looked like a man, she thought, as her eyes ran over his face. His rugged features showed some mark of his age, but not overly. Actually, she wouldn't think him more than forty-five or forty-six. She hadn't expected the intelligence she saw in his eyes either, noticing it again as her gaze traveled, curiously, over his continence a second time. Maggie found herself wondering just what sort of man he was as her eyes came to rest on his ear for a moment and then she remembered herself and met his gaze as she introduced herself "I'm Maggie, Macs mom," extending her hand. Toll reached out holding her gaze, took her hand and replied, "I'm Garrett," he'd nearly introduced himself as Toll like he would with mostly anyone, but it didn't feel right. He'd rather Macs mom first know him by his real name.

Dropping her hand and stepping back, Toll told her to come in and watched as she stepped inside and her eyes traveled around the room. Suddenly feeling awkward with himself as he shut the door, he explained, "she's still asleep."

"It's ok, I just came over because officer Bailey called this morning. He needs her statement." Maggie replied, turning her attention back to him and met his gaze again. He seemed uncomfortable she noticed, like maybe he didn't know how to respond to her. She found his uncertainty oddly reassuring.

"You can wake her up if you need to." Toll replied, after a moment, his eyes, leaving her and traveling across the room toward the doorway.

"No, it's fine." Maggie said with a shake of her head, then continued, "If she can sleep, she needs it. Officer Bailey called her phone and she didn't answer so he called Liam and Liam called me." After a brief pause, she asked, "How was she last night?" Her voice full of concern.

"Alright, considering everything." Watching him, Maggie saw a shadow enter his eyes, it made her think alright was most likely an exaggeration.

"So did she tell you anything?" Maggie asked, impulsively, after another short pause. Hoping Mac had shared something with the man standing a few feet away from her. Something, anything that would shed light on what had happened after Neal knocked Liam out.

"No, she didn't talk much at all." He answered, the expression on his face troubled. The tense, worried look on his face, giving her a moment's pause. Maggie found herself saying, reassuringly, "given time she'll be alright." A little shocked by her need to reassure the giant of a man in front of her, she held his eyes, noting the unconvinced look his held. "I hope you're right." He replied, simply. Surprising herself again she asked him, "How much do you know?"

His eyes darkened and after a pause, he replied "not much, really, just what Tool told me." Maggie held his gaze, uncertain if she should tell him what she knew or if he'd want her to. She sensed somehow he'd rather hear it from Mac, but she also knew that could mean he waited years. So she offered, "if you want, I can tell you what I know?"

Toll wanted to accept her offer, his body and mind urging him to do it, but he knew he needed to give Mac time. So as much as he didn't want to, he answered. "No, she'll tell me when she's ready."

Maggie nodded her head and held his gaze. It was obvious from the look in his eyes and on his face, he wanted to know, but felt determined to give Kamron time. Maggie studied him closely for a moment, then said "Mac doesn't like to talk about things." Her voice trailing off, she held his gaze for a second more then finished, with meaning, "if you change your mind."

* * *

><p>Maggie walked back to Macs house her mind centering on the man she'd just met. The conversation had died off quickly after he'd refused her offer to tell him what she knew. He'd felt completely awkward, Maggie could feel it hovering in the air around him. Mac had told her, he was quiet, but it wasn't just quiet, he seemed a little nervous and Maggie wondered if it wasn't because he didn't know what to say to her. And she found herself thinking about how much he hadn't been what she expected. The concern and worry she'd seen in his eyes as she talked to him had eased some of her worry, really, it's what you'd expect to see in any man's eyes in this situation. But Maggie had a hard time wrapping her mind around the fact Mac had chosen a man only eight years younger than Maggie herself and why or what a man that much older than Mac could be after. Despite her best efforts to stay opened minded since Mac had told Maggie about Toll, Maggie had still questioned his motives. After all what fifty year old man doesn't secretly fantasize about sleeping with a woman twenty years his junior. She was glad to see evidence of real feelings for Mac in his eyes. He left Maggie in little doubt that he cared about Mac. Another thing got Maggie, most men wouldn't think about Macs privacy in this situation. They'd want to know all the available facts as soon as possible. And Maggie could tell Toll really wanted to know, but when he had the opportunity, he'd said refused. Saying, "she'll tell me when she's ready."<p>

* * *

><p>Even before Mac woke that horrible sick feeling had set in, ripping her from sleep and into consciousness. She laid there for a moment as her eyes opened, not seeing anything except for the blackness tugging at her vision as her heart began to race, the chaotic tempo pounding in her chest and the panic set in, her mind refusing to accept reality. Mac set up in the bed, taking several deep breaths, trying to calm her chaotic emotions. She looked around the room feeling shocked by her surroundings, even though she hadn't forgotten where she was. She was in Tolls room. She sat there in the middle of his bed, taking several more deep breaths, willing her nerves to calm down. But those nerves had different ideas, her stomach rolled hard and Mac scurried from the bed, rushing for the bathroom as soon as her feet touched the floor. She barely made it to the toilet before she threw up.<p>

Not long after Maggie left, Toll heard a thud coming from his bedroom and then the hurried treads as Mac crossed the rooms hardwood floor. Gaining his feet quickly he headed for his bedroom already suspecting where he'd find her. Sure enough, she was on the bathroom floor on her knees in front of the toilet. She didn't look at him, just gazed fixedly at a point on the wall in front of her, her eyes large and expressionless. Just like it had yesterday, this sight made him feel weak and helpless, the knowledge that all he could do was comfort her made his heart ache. He paused a moment more before he stepped into the bathroom, then walked toward her squatting down close to her side.

Mac stared at the wall, detachedly as her mind relived the recent events of her life. Her stomach quieted after she quickly lost it's non-existent content into the toilet, leaving behind that keening emptiness. She was aware Toll approached her and squatted down by her side and that his eyes were on her. But she still couldn't seem to pull her gaze from the wall.

Toll watched her, studying her profile and waited for her to acknowledge his presence. His troubled gaze taking in every aspect of her sleep ruffled appearance, it was obvious her nights sleep hadn't been restful, her hair hung tangled and snarled about her shoulders, faint shadows still lurked under her eyes. The squeezing pressure he'd felt in his chest since he'd woken up worsening as the seconds ticked by and she didn't look at him.

Mac finally pulled her gaze from the wall above the flush, her eyes slowly traveling to him. The disquiet in his eyes as their gazes held made Mac feel sick again. Fighting the nausea threatening her a second time, she shifted her body swiftly, moving toward him and wrapped her arms around his solid chest.

The minute her arms slid around him, Toll returned the embrace, gathering her close to him, his hand sliding up and down her spine, soothingly. As the dark emotions inside him, coiled around his gut. The pressure of her body pressed against his endangered his balance so he stood up, bringing her with him and then secured both arms fully around her, holding her tightly to his chest. Standing there holding her, Toll felt like he should say something, but really what could he say. Did you get a good night's sleep? Yeah, that was a dumb question. Good morning? Obviously not. Are you feeling better? That might just be the worst of all.

Mac stood there wrapped in his arms, the heat of his body working into her and calming her nerves some. Grateful as she stood there that she was with him. If she hadn't been she didn't know that she wouldn't be throwing up again.

"Your mom stopped by this morning." Toll said and pulled back, looking down at Mac and waited for her to lift her head. After a couple of minutes Mac moved her head from his chest and met his eyes. "Officer Bailey needs to talk to you," Toll continued, but instantly regretted telling her, watching as her feature became pinched with anxiety and she dropped her gaze. He silently cursed himself, calling himself an idiot, he should have waited. Her body tensing as she stepped back, pulling from his embrace, her gaze meeting his again, for a moment.

Mac fought against the rising panic in her stomach, her mind screaming no it's too soon. She wasn't ready to relive this again. She wanted to forget it. She glanced up at Toll for a moment, the concern in his green eyes made her stomach coil tighter. The rational part of her brain whispered calm down, as her heart beat escalated. Taking several deep breaths, she felt Tolls hand settle on her back and heard his anxious voice say her name.

Mac looked up at him again, her deep breaths coupled with his hand on her back had worked calming her nerves a fraction, taking a shaky breath, she saw the wariness reflected in his eyes. And said, softly, "I'm ok."

Angry, that's how Toll felt watching her, angry she was going through this, angry he hadn't stopped this from happening to her, angry most of all that she said "I'm ok" when she obviously wasn't. After he was certain she was alright, he left her alone in his bedroom and gave her privacy while she called her mom. His anger worsening and his fists clenched as the memory of her cries waking him up last night entered his head. He wasn't used to feeling helpless and impotent. He hated knowing the only thing he could do for her was give her time and help her through whatever she went through. When all he really wanted to do was make it all a nightmare, just a bad dream.

* * *

><p>Maggie was met at the front door by her husband and Goose. The poor dog had whined and carried on most of the night. Initially,mhe had been excited when they'd arrived here. Once he'd gotten inside and searched the house for Mac and didn't find her he'd whined. Maggie met Douglass anxious eyes, she knew he wished Kamron had stayed with them last night. "How is she?" Were the first words that left his mouth as Maggie stepped inside closing the door. "I'm not sure, love. She's still asleep." Douglas, nodded his head, concern showing in his dark blue eyes. "That's a good thing."<p>

Douglas recognized the question he asked next for what it was. And knew it could have been saved for a better time and, truthfully, he felt horrible for asking, but couldn't help himself. "So you met this new man of hers, then?"

"Yes," Maggie answered, not really surprised. Her husband had spent a fair amount of time speculating about what kind of man Toll was. She knew, her husband had the same worries and concerns she felt, when it came to this new relationship Mac had placed herself in.

"And?" He asked, when she didn't promptly respond.

"Well," she began and then paused as she decided what to say, "he's not what I expected, at all."

"How so?"

* * *

><p>By the time Mac got off the phone with her mom that feeling of detached, numbness had settled back around her. The initial panic about talking to officer Bailey had faded away. She could do this as long as she kept the detached air that hovered around her now. She'd decided to let her mom and dad take her to her appointment, and then to see Officer Bailey. Her inside cringing when she thought about having to see that doctor again, she really didn't like him. She didn't want to think about how he made her feel so focused instead on taking a shower, it was nearly noon and her mom would be here in an hour.<p>

Toll watched Macs feature through the curtain of her still damp hair that hung around her shoulders. She was sitting in the couch, bent down, tying her shoes. Her mom was going to be here in a few minutes. When he reminded her, her mom would be her soon she'd given him an uncertain look and he couldn't help but feel reluctant to let her go, he knew it was her choice not his but still the idea of not seeing for a few hours bothered him. After everything that had happened, the idea of her not being where he could see her made the anxiousness he felt, worsen. He stood there continuing to study her as she finished tying her shoes, then sat up, her gaze taking on that distant look again as she straightened her posture and then stared across the room.

When Mac told her mom, she could take her to her appointment and to see Officer Bailey, Mac had made that decision with detachment, not really caring who took her, but now the idea made her anxious. She didn't want to leave Toll, she'd felt less confused and nervous with him near and at this second the thought of leaving him made her body tense with anxiety. For just a moment she thought about asking him to take her instead, but she knew she couldn't. Her mother and father were both worried and she needed to let them do this for her. So she tried to will the panic away, knowing that she had to learn to control it some. She reassured herself, he'd be here when she got back, after a moment or two it subsided a bit. She turned and looked at Toll as always since he'd seen her yesterday she saw the concern and uncertainty in his eyes. Mac stood, holding his gaze and asked. "What time is it?" His gaze shifted from her to the watch on his wrist. "12:55" he answered as his eyes came back to hers.

Suddenly unsure, Mac asked. "Can I come back?" Holding her uncertain gaze, Toll stepped closer, his hand going to her face. His heart twisting painfully as his rough fingers slid along her smooth skin, stopping when he cupped her cheek in his palm. "You can stay as long as you want, Mac." His tone low, voice full of meaning. Mac lifted her hand up and wrapped her fingers around his wrist, regretting again, her decision to let her parents take her to see Dr. Adams and then the police station. She couldn't help but fear, that the panic that hovered close by would swamp her as soon as she left him. As long as she was with him she could keep the demons away. The idea of leaving him made her feel weak and vulnerable.

The nervousness she felt, began to grow and it must have shown in her gaze, because the light in his eyes changed. Toll felt a tenderness steel through his chest, as the look in her eyes changed, "I'll be here when you get back, I promise." He assured her, his voice gentle. He couldn't help but wish, again, she'd asked him to take her, he really didn't want her out of eyesight. But he wouldn't protest. She surprised him when rose up on her toes, lowering his head slightly, he let her brush her soft lips against his as her eyes fell shut. "Thank you." She whispered, softly, as she settled back onto her feet. His chest tightened at the feel of her lips and it worsened as her whispered words met his ears. After everything she was thanking him, the knowledge made him want to kiss her, really kiss her. But he clenched his fist to quell the temptation, reminding himself, he couldn't do that. Her kiss had been a simple, sweet gesture of thanks, not an invitation for more.

* * *

><p>Toll went to the grocery store after Mac left, he'd asked her if there was anything in particular she wanted. But she just said "no." He'd nearly argued with her and told her she needed to eat, but he didn't. He hadn't been able to get her to eat the food he'd ordered her last night, either. Telling himself, at least she had talked to him some today and tried to reassure himself, she would eat eventually. When he arrived at the grocery store he shopped differently than he would just for himself, wandering up and down the isles, purposely, picking some stuff he knew she liked, that he wouldn't normally have on hand. Hoping that something would entice her to eat. By the time he got to the checkout, he'd filled his cart twice as full as normal, he'd just finished paying and started to steer his cart to the door when his phone buzzed, stopping he reached into his front pocket and pulled it out. He'd kind of expected it to be Mac texting him, but instead it was Barney. Toll moved his cart to the side and then opened the text. I got your cut, whenever you're ready for it. For a moment the idea of going to pick up his money was appealing but that left quickly. He had groceries to take home and really the idea of seeing any of the guys felt a little daunting at the moment. It would be awkward they'd all have questions, uncertain what to say, they'd most likely keep those question to themselves. Well, maybe all of them besides how's Mac and Toll didn't want to deal with that just yet. He knew this was his fault and seeing any of the guys and weighty silence it would certainly bring with any meeting would only make the blame he felt worse. So he texted Barney back, I'll get it later.<p>

* * *

><p>This afternoon had exhausted her, all the questions and talking. And reliving the moments of Tuesday night when she spoke with officer Bailey had left her raw. She'd just wanted to get back to Tolls, really, that had started the moment she'd heard her mom pull into Tolls driveway earlier. She already felt anxious about leaving him and it had just intensified after she left his house.<p>

Dr. Adams looked at her the same way today he'd looked at her before, that pitying look in his eyes. Mac didn't like how he made her feel, she felt like... She didn't know what really, besides the feeling was dark and angry. She needed away from him by the time their session ended. Actually, she had wanted away from him the moment she stepped into his office and met his gaze. Hed asked her all sorts of questions, one being, "how do you feel?" The question had caused an instant shutdown, she didn't like this man and she couldn't bring herself to tell him about the anxiety. When she didn't answer, he chose a different question, "how have you been since we last spoke?" This time Mac answered sarcastically, "how do you think." He'd then assured her, probably fully aware she didn't want to talk. "I'm only here to help you Miss Sinclair." Mac hadn't responded but she wanted to say, I don't want your help. He'd then said, "why don't we talk about something else instead." He had continued to ask her questions and Mac answered only when she felt like it.

Then she'd gone to see Officer Bailey so she'd relived had no choice but to relive the events of Tuesday night. Mac stood in the busy lobby of the police station with her father and mother and waited one of the volunteers manning the front desk left to let officer Bailey know she was here. A short time later, officer Bailey himself appeared. Mac introduced him to her parents and left them in the lobby, then followed officer Bailey in back to his desk.

Once Mac sat down in the chair, he offered her and began recounting the tale for him, she suddenly felt as though she couldn't breathe. She wanted to forget those last moments of Neal's life, not relive them all in detail. She just wanted this all over, she wanted to forget. But she sat there and told officer Bailey everything, until she got to Toll. Making a hasty decision to not mention his name, she couldn't drag him any further into this mess than he already was. She knew Toll felt responsible she could see it mixed in with the worry in his eyes. Actually, she wasn't so certain she ever tell him she knew.

Officer Bailey was kind and considerate, waiting for her to struggle through everything going on in her head. When they'd finished, he told her this would most likely be over and done with quickly and not to worry too much. He suggested that she get ahold of her attorney if she hadn't already. Mac hadn't even thought about calling her lawyer and it made her feel stupid and angry. Calling her attorney was common sense. Her mind rebelled against the idea of making yet another stop and telling this story again. She just wanted this day over and to be back with Toll and in his calming presence, but knew she'd best get the talk with her lawyer over with. Unable to bring herself to call her lawyer first she asked her mom and dad, to take her to her his office. After they stepped out of the precinct office, Mac sent her parents ahead to the car and pulled out her phone and called Toll. She wanted to hear his voice and she didn't want him to worry about where she was.

The phone had barely enough time ring on her end when she heard his voice say her name.

* * *

><p>Toll hung up his cell and placed it on the workbench that stood beside the stool he sat on. When Mac had called he'd been giving his rifle a thorough cleaning, trying to kill as much time as he could while he waited for her to get back, it lay broke down, its pieces scattered across the work bench before him. It hadn't kept his mind nearly as distracted as he hoped. And now after talking to her and hearing how weary and raw she sounded, he wanted to be able to see her, he really didn't like that he wasn't with her at the moment and he knew just sitting and waiting for her was going to drive him nuts. But he didn't really have a choice. She had to go see her lawyer and he had to wait.<p>

After a few minutes he continued cleaning his gun, then reassembled it and put it in the safe. Then grabbed his bag from the floor and emptied the rest of its contents, finding the elephants he'd bought for her in the process. Pausing and staring down at the package in his hand a second as he thought about how certain he'd been she'd like them. For no apparent reason, he unwrapped the paper, wrapped around them and stared at the dark oiled wood patina, of the nick nack. He had envisioned her smiling at him happily when he gave her these, he'd also envisioned a breathtaking smile on her face when she saw him after he got home. He hadn't had any idea how differed the reality would be.


	37. Chapter 36

**Yet again I feel the need to apologize for the lengthy wait between chapters, this story is becoming more and more difficult to write. And I've recently been busy. But I hope you all enjoy it!**

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><p>Toll had to keep reminding himself as he waited for Mac to get back, she'd said she didn't know how long it would take her at her lawyer's office. He was normally a patient man, but he didn't seem to have any at the ready today. She'd sounded so lost on the phone, it tore at him, making him feel weak and yet again impotent, so he'd done his best to keep himself busy. He knew if he didn't he'd sit and worry about her. So he'd done chores around the house, put the rest of his gear that didn't stay in his bag away. Changed his bedding a chore which he wanted to do last night, but Mac hadn't been in any shape to wait for him to do it. So he had dismissed the idea.<p>

Walking to his room, he quickly stripped the bed down. It wasn't that he'd hadn't changed them in a while or that anyone besides him had occupied his bed it was just something his mother had always done, whenever company came, which wasn't often really, his parents hadn't been out going people. But on the off-chance someone was coming shed changed the bedding, even if she'd just changed it the day before. After he finished that chore he carried the discarded blankets and sheet to the laundry room along with his dirty clothes from his gear bag.

Once he filled the washer and started it, he did whatever he could find for chores around the house. Trying to keep himself occupied and his worry at bay. Unfortunately, it didn't really work. But he forced himself to keep moving anyway. After he folded the last load of laundry and remade his bed, he decided to start dinner after all it was five and he was hungry.

* * *

><p>Mac spent a grueling hour and a half or better with her attorney, it was past the closing hour at Seaverson and associates when she left. Her lawyer, the patriarch of the family law firm, Joseph Seaverson an old gentleman with a Creole accent and graying close-cropped brown hair and kind faded blue eyes, had sat and listened to her story. At first, in shock, making sure to give her all the time she needed. Although this wasn't really a case Seaverson and associates would normally handle, Joseph Seaverson had stayed with his initial decision to handle Macs case. He'd meet with the district attorney's office Monday morning. He assured Mac this was all just a formality, her case was open and shut and that soon it would be all over.<p>

When Mac left his office the sun was hanging low on the western horizon, the air felt crisp and fresh as it filled her lungs. Autumn was her favorite time of year, the colors of the trees, pumpkin patches, hay rides, hunting season, harvest festivals. The food changed also, gone were the smells of grilled vegetables and steak, instead they were replaced with the hearty aromas of stews simmering away on the stove top and pot roast baking in the oven. Normally, the cool, crispness of the air and the sight and sounds of fall would make Mac feel alive but not this time. The heaviness that sat inside her, she felt certain she'd always carry with her.

Going to her lawyer's office and reliving those events, yet again, had taken up what little strength Mac had left today. Leaving her feeling spent and sick. The funny thing was you could watch these scenarios the same scenario she was living in now in movies and read about them in books, but authors and directors had a way of romanticizing even the most base parts of human nature. Making the horrific seemingly glamorous. This situation was far from glamorous, Mac didn't feel like a heroine in a storybook or on the screen who against all odds saved her own life and that of her brother, somehow absolving herself of all the guilt she should feel _because after all what she'd done was right and just_. Mac felt unclean and violated.

She breathed a heavy sigh of relief when they pulled up in front of Tolls house, she hugged both of her parents in turn and then hurried toward his home. As she walked across the yard, she was aware her parents drove off and pulled into the driveway, two house down it felt strange to know they were staying in her house, a place she was afraid to go. Her mom had told her they stayed there last night and asked if Mac minded if they continued to stay. Mac told her mom, she didn't mind and really she didn't, but she didn't know how they could want to.

* * *

><p>After he'd started the rice, and put the chicken in the oven, he decided to scrub his boots. It had been a while since he'd taken the time to do it and the more often you scrubbed and oiled them the longer they lasted. He'd just finished scrubbing them and placed them on the patio off his kitchen to dry when he heard his front door open then close, he headed in that direction already knowing it was her. She met his gaze and stopped walking as he stepped into the living room, the look in her eyes a mixture of anxiety and relief made his chest tighten painfully. He continued to walk toward her holding her gaze not saying a word and wrapped his arms around her.<p>

* * *

><p>When dinner was done Mac sat down at the table, and watched Toll as he did the same, then held his gaze for a moment before he started helping himself to the food laid out on the table before her. She'd rather sit down on the couch with him and curl up against his chest than eat. She knew he wanted her to eat, but she wasn't sure as she sat and watched him fill his own plate that she could. It wasn't that the food he'd prepared wasn't viscerally appealing or that her stomach didn't faintly rumble at the sight and smell of the meal, it was that the idea of eating made her ill and she really didn't care if she ate. But she knew she had to try for his sake.<p>

Toll watched her, not saying anything as he began to eat. She sat in the chair across from him, her eyes on the food spread out on serving dishes in front of her. He almost encouraged her to take what she wanted, but she didn't need him to offer what he knew she knew was meant for her. And he worried if he made any senseless offer or indication that her plate was empty she'd be less likely to eat. The worry wasn't really grounded in anything besides the delicate mental state she was in. He didn't know her well enough to know how shed react, but he did know she liked to make her own decisions. After everything shed been through over the last few days and just this afternoon in particular and as fragile as she had appeared when she got back to his house, he wasn't so certain pushing her would be wise. So he decided to wait and see if the hunger she must be feeling would coax her into eating before he pushed the subject.

Mac was more than aware that Toll watched her as he began to eat waiting and hoping she'd fill her own plate. Reaching out she picked up the serving fork that lay on the platter by the chicken and placed a small piece on the plate before her. Then did the same with the serving spoon in the bowl of rice and broccoli, taking only two spoons full.

Toll tried to keep his attention on his own food as she placed a small amount of food on her plate but couldn't. His own fork pausing in midair as she took a small bite of the rice and broccoli, he hadn't realized how important this moment would feel or how deeply her not eating had bothered him until he felt some of the tension in his body ease as she chewed and swallowed. It was a step even if a small one toward her getting better. Turning his attention back to his own food they ate in silence until she spoke a few minutes later, her voice startling him. "Can I have mum bring Goose over?" Her voice soft and weary like it had been for the last couple days. Toll met her gaze, but only briefly as the slight movement of her pushing the plate away from her caught his attention. His gaze focused on food still left on her plate for a moment, he'd hoped she'd eat more, but reminded himself of his earlier thought, it was a beginning. "Yeah," he answered, shifting his gaze back to hers.

Mac watched Tolls gaze moved to her plate before he answered. She knew he'd probably hoped she'd eat more, but the little she had eaten was hurting her stomach. After his gaze came back to hers and he answered, she tried to explain. "My stomach isn't.." She began and trailed off, her gaze traveling to her plate. After a moment he said, softly, his voice reassuring, "It will get better." Mac met his gaze and held it. The soft, understanding look she found there, wreaking havoc on her nerves. As she held his gaze, she felt certain his comment wasn't just made in reference to her inability to eat, but also to everything that was happening. She'd heard those words in the latter sense, so much since Tuesday.

* * *

><p>Toll had expected Maggie and Goose when he opened the door, but not the tall blue-eyed man beside her. He knew without an introduction that this man was Macs father, who else could it be. His momentary surprise quickly replaced with unease and apprehension as their gaze met and held. He'd known this moment would come and he'd envisioned it since Mac had first told him her parents were coming. Toll mind had fixated, by times on the fact he would be less than impressed if he was in this situation, if he had a daughter who suddenly decided to become involved with a man his age. Toll was acutely aware of the fact he was old enough to be her father himself, a fact he was certain her father was aware of.<p>

Douglas Sinclair was the sort of man who thought initial meetings and first impressions told you all you need to know about a man or women. Especially when they were surprise encounters. He didn't delude himself into thinking that the man standing before him hadn't thought maybe this would happen and prepared for himself for this meeting, but on first impression Douglas was taken a little by surprise when Mr. Garrett Roads opened the door. Maggie had assured him just this morning Toll wasn't what she'd expected and he had to say he was a little surprised himself. His daughter usually favored the good-looking men with a devil-may-care air about them, this man was nothing like that. His features were harsh and unremarkable, his stature, large and heavily muscled. He had a rough I can take care of myself quality to him and his eyes were exactly as Maggie had described. When she said he had intelligent eyes she hadn't been wrong. And as he held Tolls gaze, he thought he saw uncertainty and maybe nervousness in their depths. Normally Douglas would see those things as a sort of guilt, but as he continued to hold his gaze, a sudden thought of Mac and something else lingering in Tolls eyes stopped him from judging too quickly.

Maggie's gaze shifted from Toll to her husband, noting the way both men watched each other warily, like neither knew quite what to expect from the other. Toll looked a little uncertain and maybe even slightly apprehensive. Douglas looked like a father sizing up his daughters newest boyfriend which was exactly what he was doing, still Maggie felt herself cringe slightly. Douglas had a great many issues with Toll and Mac being together and Maggie had done her best to assure him this morning she thought Toll wasn't necessarily a man with one thing on his mind. But Douglas had made sure she knew, he'd judge what Tolls motives were on his own. She knew her husband would handle this situation with care, he was always tactful but people usually knew right away exactly what he thought of them without him saying a word. Her husband's only real faults in her eyes were his stubborn streak and his inability to change his mind once he'd made it up.

Maggie had been about to say something to break up the uncomfortable silence surrounding them when Mac stepped into the room. Goose whined loudly and bolted into the house tearing his lead from Maggie's hand in the process. Mac dropped to her knees and greeted the bundle of anxious energy and happy whining that was her dog. Reassuring him as he kissed her face that she was alright. Maggie's gaze shifted to Toll whose eyes were on Mac a soft look on his face as he watched her try to quiet the extremely excited Goose. That look tugged at Maggie's heart.

It was Toll a few moments later that turned to her husband and extended his hand saying, "I'm Garrett." Maggie's found her gaze shifting between the two men again, she watched as her husband took his hand and said, "Doug." They shook hands and their gazes held something unspoken passing between them. Some sort of understanding. Maggie didn't expect that Toll and her husband would ever be great friends, but as long as Toll was around they'd respect each other.

* * *

><p>Tonight going to bed felt easier for Mac, she wasn't any less nervous, but Toll hadn't left her alone so he could shower like last night. When her parents left, she'd wanted to go to bed, but like last night she'd felt unwilling to go without him. Needing to feel this closeness after the day she'd just lived through so she'd stayed put and snuggled up against him, smelling a hint of gun cleaning oil on him. He turned on the television and simply held her, his arm wrapping around her waist, his hand coming to rest on the back of her hand, his calloused fingers intertwining with hers. He brushed his lips against her hair and just continued to hold her as he watched television. Mac just closed her eyes and listened to his steady heart beat. When he finally asked her if she wanted to go to bed about an hour later, she'd said 'yes, let's go to bed.' He'd let Goose curl up on the couch with them but when she followed him to the bedroom Mac had made Goose stay on the floor. Goose normally slept with her, but for some reason she doubted Toll was the kind of person that allowed animals in the bed.<p>

Toll walked out of the bathroom to find Mac already in bed, her back to him. His gaze traveled over her and he found himself worrying about what this night would hold for her, he hoped nightmares didn't plague her dreams tonight like they had last night. He didn't know that he could handle another night like that one, he'd felt so useless and inept it had been heartbreaking. All he'd been able to do was hold her. He pushed the stupidly selfish thoughts away, focusing instead on her small frame curled up in his bed, he knew she was waiting for him. The sight of her and the knowledge she waited for him caused tenderness to spread through his body. He walked across the room and shut the lamp off, then climbed into bed beside her, only hesitating for a second before he moved closer and slid one arm under her neck then watched as she snuggled her back to his chest. His body tightening as she settled trustingly into his embrace. His other arm settled around her waist and held her close as she curled her knees up, he did the same wrapping himself around her. When he asked her if she was ready for bed, he'd been a little uncertain. He wasn't sure if shed want him to sleep with her or what exactly he should do. He wanted to sleep with her, but he'd been prepared to do whatever she wanted. Needless to say he'd been happy when she said 'yes, let's go to bed.'

As he settled in behind her, his eyes moved to the nightstand on the other side of the bed, his gaze pausing on the pill bottle she'd placed there and the glass of water beside it. He wondered if shed taken any of them tonight, the sound of her quiet voice startled him from his thoughts. "Today was payday and I forgot." A little confused, it took a moment for him to realize that she must be talking about her employees. Before he could form any sort of reply, she spoke again,"I have to go to the office tomorrow."

"Yeah." Toll said after a moment uncertain what reply if any was needed.

"Will you go with me?" She asked softly, hoping he said yes, she wanted to stay close to him.

"Yes." He answered, his voice rough.

As soon as he answered, another though entered Mac head and filled her with unease, she didn't know how long he would be here. The thought he might leave her soon scared her, so she rolled onto her back and looked at him and Toll lifted himself up on his elbow, looking down at her, her worried eyes left his and drifted to his lips as she asked, "how long will you be here?"

Toll watched her worried eyes cloud with uncertainty and drop from him, then heard the anxious tone of her voice as she asked "How long will you be here?" His chest tightened as her anxious gaze came back to him and she asked her voice even more strained "Will you be here when I go to court?"

Her softly voiced question twisted around his heart, he answered "yes," without hesitation, he hadn't thought that far into the future, he wasn't even certain when her court date was. She hadn't talked about anything that happened today or Tuesday but it didn't matter, he wasn't leaving her. He watched relief enter her eyes and was struck speechless for a second by the look. That relieved look swiftly disappeared as her eyes clouded over again and quickly filled with tears.

Mac felt relief when he said yes. But she also knew there was so much she needed to talk to him about, so much she needed to tell him, but she couldn't force the words out. Tears of frustration began to pool in her eyes, "I know I need to tell you.." She began with a shake of her head, "but I can't." Tears falling in earnest now, Mac rolled her body into his chest hiding her face from him. "Why did he?... I don't understand why." Sobs shaking her body, she continued as she burrowed closer against him, "What did I do to make him hate me so much?" She questioned, her voice broken.

Again Toll felt that tearing sensation in his chest, his heart breaking. "Don't do this to yourself, Mac." He said as he set up in the bed, bringing her with him and pulled her into his lap. This was going to kill him, he thought as his fingers went to her chin and lifted her head so he could see her face. The pain in his chest worsening as he saw her tear streaked cheeks and anguished eyes. "Please don't do this, sweetheart." He began, with a whisper, his troubled eyes traveling over her upturned face, the restrictive pressure in his chest making it difficult to breathe, "you didn't.. It's not your fault, Neal just wasn't right."

Macs eyes drifted from his, she knew Toll was right about Neal having issues that had propelled his actions, but it did little to comfort her. Nothing could change the facts. She'd taken Neal's life and granted she hadn't had a choice but she still had to live with this the rest of her life.

Toll needed her to believe him so he reached out and gently cupped her cheek, needing her to look at him again. After a moment she did, the forlorn, lost look in her green eyes made his breath falter for a second. Maintaining eye contact he vowed, "it's going to be alright, Mac." Holding his gaze, she could see that he meant every word of it and she so desperately wanted to believe him to hold onto the hope his words were meant to give her. But she couldn't, part of her refused to believe anything would ever be alright again. "How do you know?" she asked, vulnerability lacing her voice.

"I'll do whatever it takes to help you make it better." He answered, holding her uncertain gaze. Her body began to shake and her face pinched as the tears started again. He did the only thing he could, just scooted them back against the headboard and held her close to him as she cried, and tremor after tremor shook her small frame. The heartbreaking sound of her sobs, making the pain in his own chest unbearable.

Mac knew how much he wanted her to believe him, but all she could feel was hopelessness. That hopelessness, making the tears start again. Eventually the tears stopped and Mac lifted her head and looked up at him again.

When she finally stopped crying and lifted her head from his chest, the sight of her tear streaked puffy face caused an elemental response in his body. The same response any man would feel.

He leaned down, knowing as he lowered his head now wasn't the appropriate time for this, knowing he shouldn't, but the look in her eyes and the way she sat there in his arms looking so lost compelled him on. Willing to use anything he could to reassure her he meant those words. He watched as her eyes drifted to his lips and knew she understood his intention. Her eyes falling closed just before his lips, softly, brushed hers. This kiss resembled the chaste one he'd given her last night more than her soft attentions of this morning, in that she sat still not returning the gesture. He pulled back reluctantly and waited for her eyes to open. When they did the look in them left him breathless, the only thought he could form was god help him. The wide range of emotion in her eyes made his chest tighten, his breaths becoming labored as her expressive eyes shifted to his mouth.

Her eyes focused on his lips not meeting his gaze, her eyes fell closed seconds before her full lips met his, catching his bottom lip between hers. A part of Tolls mind warned him against this, tried to tell him exactly why this wasn't the right time or place. But the part of him that felt he'd failed her the primal part came to life. And was much more powerful than his good intentions. All he could think about as she kissed him was erasing some of the pain for her, even if it was momentary. His body, made the decision for him, he kissed her back, mimicking her movements, only catching her top lip between his as his hand went to the back of her head. That soft, breathy sound he'd come to like so much escaped her lips, then her body shifted away from his and she settled onto her knees in front of him, never breaking the contact of their lips, her small hands settling on his thighs. Toll was aware of how wrong this situation was as his hand left the back of her head and along with his other went to her arms encircling her biceps, the feel of her small hand on his thighs made his body tighten. And deepened their kiss slightly, allowing his tongue to touch her upper lip and she gasped softly again, her own small tongue coming out and touching his shyly, his hands tightened around the smooth, warm skin of her arms as he urged her closer, pulling her into his lap again and she settled against him. One of her small warm hands went to his neck and Tolls body responded more at the feel of her soft touch. He shifted his body, easing them both down in the bed so he partly covered her, his hand going to the curve of her waist. His fingers finding nothing but bare warm skin, his splayed fingers instantly tighten on her soft flesh, in surprise. His foggy mind registering her tank top must have ridden up when he shifted their position on the bed.

Macs mouth opened wider in surprise and Toll used the advantage, angling his head over hers, his tongue sliding further into her warm mouth. She kissed him back measure for measure holding nothing back as a shudder passed through her body. It was that tremor that brought Toll back to reality, even as one of her hands found its way under the hem of his shirt at the waist. Her fingers brushing lightly against the muscles of his back. He felt his muscle tense at the feel of her gentle touch and as her fingers slowly slid up his muscular back, her feather light touch made his body shudder and he forgot again for a moment that he couldn't let this happen. Instead kissing her lingeringly and nipping her bottom lip as he felt her hand settle onto his back and her nails digging into the layers of muscle wrapping his upper torso. His body tensing as she shifted under him, a moan escaping her lips as she continued to shift restlessly beneath him.

The only thought in Macs head was him, it wasn't even really a thought, it was just him filling her senses. But it's the only thing that mattered from the moment his lips first touched hers. All of it was almost too much, the feel of his hand on the bare flesh of her sided burning her skin, he'd never kissed as he was right now, and it made heat pool inside her and her flesh feel too tight. Her fingers went to his back without her even realizing it, the feel of the hard muscles dancing under her touch fascinated her. She felt his body shudder as he deepened their kiss, the sensation drove a moan from deep in her throat. Moments later he pulled back.

Tolls heartbeat picked up and his body responded more than it already had, as he watched her, waiting for her eyes to open, the mixture of emotions he saw there coupled with the feel of her trembling body made him want to continue. The image of what continuing would mean filled his head, her little body stretched out under his moving against him, her soft hands gliding over his skin. Thankfully a voice of reason entered his head, questioning. But after they'd finished, what then? Then that voice answered it's own question. After the effects of physical gratification wore off all of this would still be waiting for her, the pain the numbness. And he'd have used her to slacken his own guilt.

Macs eyes slowly came open, she didn't want to open them she wanted him to continue, the heat swirling and building in her body had reached an almost overwhelming degree and made her tremble. But as the seconds ticked by she knew he waited for to look at him so she did even though she didn't want to. The intensity in his gaze as her eyes met his made her body tighten more a liquid heat pool in the most secret parts of her body. But there was something else there also, she knew he wasn't going to let this go any further than it had and then he spoke his voice deep and raspy, "We should sleep."

* * *

><p>Waking up the next morning, Mac was no less aware of the state of her life than she had been yesterday morning. But her mind and body seemed more capable of accepting the grim reality. Her stomach turned in protest, but not as violently as yesterday and Mac was able to calm the cramping with several deep breaths.<p>

She sat up in the bed and looked around the room, her eyes alighting on the alarm clock on the nightstand. The bright red numbers on its face indicating it was 7:30, it was much earlier than it had been yesterday when she'd woke. Still, she wasn't surprised to find herself alone in the bed and in the room, Toll was an early riser. Generally, he was up by five-thirty, he reminded her of the old saying, early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Even in her present state she didn't fail to notice there always seemed to be some old saying she could link to him and his actions and it was just another silly thing for her to liked about him. Her eyes continued to travel about his room and noted he wasn't the only one missing. Goose was gone also.

She listened to the house around her waiting for any indication of Toll or Gooses's presence in the house, but the only noises she heard came from without instead of within the house. Irrational panic began to set in as she listened to the silence, her mind quickly asking where is he? Her pulse began to speed up, but the rational part of Macs brain jumped in saying calmly, he didn't leave you alone silly, he wouldn't do that. Mac held onto that thought, using the truth behind it to calm herself. The same part of her that had panicked at the silence urged her to get up and go look for him, but Mac wouldn't allow herself to move. She knew she was going to have to learn to control her emotions if she was going to make it through this, he wasn't always going to be there, so she focused her senses on what she could hear.

It felt strange as she sat there listening to the noises of the world going on outside this house, to wonder what life was like for the people who had woken up when she fired that gun. What was life like now, four days after they'd heard that noise?

Did any of them own the lawn mower, she could faintly hear buzzing away?

Did the faint laughs of children she could hear through the slightly opened bedroom window, belong to any of them that may have been startled awake by the loud bang that had echoed through her house?

* * *

><p>Toll was sitting in a chair on his patio oiling his boots, Goose laying on the flagstone floor close to Tolls chair. The dog had alternated between hovering close to him and checking on Mac. At first Toll had made Goose stay out of the bedroom, wanting her to sleep and afraid Goose would wake her. But Goose had laid down in the doorway to the hall and watched the bedroom door worriedly, and Toll could sympathize with the poor creatures obvious anxiety so he had let Goose go with him when he went to check on her.<p>

Goose had scurried across the room when Toll said go and stood on his hind legs beside the bed, resting his paws on the edge of the mattress. He whined faintly and his tail started wagging once he saw Mac was there. So after that Toll let Goose go, he'd disappear for a minute or two and come back with his tail wagging and lay down close to wherever Toll was at the moment.

Toll watched Goose get up and hurry off into the house and his mind wandered farther as he finished up oiling his boots. He wondered when she would wake up and like yesterday worried about how she'd feel. God, he hoped and prayed she was better today than yesterday, watching her go through the agony she went through yesterday and last night was horrible. Last night she'd slept better, he wasn't certain if she'd taken any sleeping pills last night, if she had he hadn't seen her take them. But regardless she'd slept peacefully, he could think that thought with certainty because he hadn't slept much all night, it really didn't surprise him that he didn't he hadn't expected to even before she'd talked. His hand paused in its task as the memory of how she'd been last night filled his head and made his chest hurt.

He had promised her and himself, he'd get her through this and he would but it was going to be painful for the both of them. The one part of last night he'd tried not to think about popped back into his head, he'd come extremely close to making love to her last night, no matter how wrong it would have been. He'd wanted her, wanted to use his body to erase some of the pain she felt. When he kissed her the first time, he'd known it was wrong, he pulled back ready to end it and then she'd kissed him. All it had taken for him to slip up was the feel of her lips moving against his and he'd kissed her back. Turning her achingly sweet gesture into something more. Thankfully, she hadn't argued when he suggested they sleep, if she had pushed he was afraid he would have given in and done what he knew was wrong. She'd just settled back into the bed against his chest, but quieting the response of his body and the accusing voices in his head hadn't been that easy for him. So he had excused himself, untangled himself from her body and went to the bathroom. Using the physical space to calm his body.


	38. Chapter 37

After Mac called her mom and had her bring her the keys she needed to get into her office Toll had suggested they go for a ride, after shed finished what she needed to do. At first Mac had been uncertain, after yesterday she wasn't so sure she wanted to do anything. And holding his gaze, she could see he'd leave the decision in her hands, but it was also obvious he hoped she'd say yes. He was in his own quiet way trying to help her, offering her something he knew she'd normally get enjoyment out of. It was for that reason she said yes. But not before she remembered his rib so she'd questioned, 'are you sure? What about your rib?' His eyes had taken on a softer quality for a moment as he stepped closer, stopping so close to her, she had the crane her neck to see him, their gazes held for a moment longer and then he'd said in a low, gentle tone, 'it'll be fine, hon.' The sound of the new endearment she'd only heard him use once before coupled with gentleness in his eyes made her stomach flutter. The fluttering had been quickly replaced with his that nauseous feeling that always seemed to linger about her. But still, just feeling it for that fleeting second had been more than what she was capable of yesterday or the day before. Then she remembered his touch and kisses from the night before, another rush of fluttering danced in her stomach, momentarily replacing the nausea. But the butterflies were quickly replaced with a hollow feeling as reality seeped back in. She tried to push past it. And as she'd stood there struggling with the emotions welling inside her Toll reached out and took her hand, drawing her attention, 'so, is it a plan?' He asked.

And so, she found herself on his bike behind him and on her way to her office, hoping that maybe she could be granted a reprieve from the memories just for a few hours. That maybe if she put miles between herself and this place that she could also put distance between herself and the ugly images.

Toll waited patiently for her as she printed paychecks and signed them, then as she texted Anna to apologize and so she knew the checks were ready and asked her to get a hold of the others. Then for the second time that day Mac settled onto his bike behind him. He didn't follow the coast this time not that she cared she just wanted the closeness she'd known being with him like this would bring. Toll quickly left the city behind staying off the main highway, he headed west along a more scenic drive.

* * *

><p>Toll walked out of the rest stop and tourist information center, his eyes traveling over the small amount of vehicles present. A couple trucks and three small family cars. In the heart of tourist season this place would be packed with would be travelers, heading to or from vacations or people just out for a leisurely drive. Or some even on picnics or using the grills that were part of the picnic area to cook hotdogs and steaks, beneath the large pines that surround the entire place.<p>

He walked along the front of the red brick building, then turned the corner, his eyes searching Mac out. She sat on one of the many picnic tables, surrounded by tall southern pines, exactly where she'd said she'd be when he'd left her to use the restroom and get them something to drink. Her helmet discarded on the table tops pitted concrete surface beside her, her head turned to the right, her attention focused on the vehicles you could see passing by through the line of tall trees that partially curtained the road beyond.

He continued to walk toward her not trying to draw her attention, his eyes traveling slowly over her. Ever since he'd first seen her this morning after her shower she'd been different. Yesterday morning she'd awoken tormented and he'd found her in his bathroom, this morning he'd gone to look for her when Goose didn't promptly come back and she'd been in the bathroom again. But the door was closed and the water was running. He'd wanted to know how she'd felt when she woke but didn't ask. When she'd eventually left his bathroom and came looking for him, she'd had a sort of fragile calm about her and he didn't want to upset it so he kept all the question brewing inside him to himself.

Just after her mom came with her keys he'd decided to ask if she wanted to take his bike and go for a ride. He knew any kind of activity would be better for her than sitting around and dwelling. Encouraging her to be active was a part of her getting better, a small step toward putting things behind her. And while a ride on his bike would mean quiet, he'd decided it might be the best choice. He could get her out of the house without her feeling pressured to talk. And as much as his want for answers continued to grow, he knew he had to let her do it in her own time. Just before he reached the picnic table she turned her head and met his gaze.

Mac watched Toll wander off toward the large brick structure close to where they'd parked. She found herself slightly curious about where they were. They had been on the road for sometime when Toll finally pulled into this place, Mac hadn't had any idea where they were for sometime now, none of it was familiar to her. All she knew for certain was they were far from New Orléans and the ocean, the countryside they'd been driving through was rural and mostly farm and pasture land. After he turned the corner and stepped out of sight Mac placed the helmet she always used down on the top of one of the picnic table and sat beside it. Oddly, as she glanced down at it her mind voiced its curiosity about its previous user, replacing her pondering over where they were. She'd questioned where it came from before, but this time her mind questioned Sarah? Was it hers? Had he bought it for the women he'd wanted to marry? Her mind left thoughts of Sarah behind, just as quickly as it had dismissed her thoughts of their locale and settled on Toll. She had to tell him. She knew he needed to know and that he wanted to know. Really, he had a right to know. But she knew he wouldn't push her no matter how much he wanted those answers. She found herself almost wishing he would push, it might make it easier for her. But she doubted it, the idea of telling him was worse than telling anyone else. She knew he already blamed himself and when she eventually did the inevitable and told him what had happened, his guilt would only worsen. Especially if she told him the entire story. That knowledge made the heavy sick feeling that was her constant companion these days, coil tightly around her stomach. She didn't want him to feel responsible for any of this. She mentally steadied herself and took several deep breaths to stop the threatening nausea.

Turning all her attention on that helmet beside her, she used it as a focal point studying it closely for a moment. Thinking again about Sarah, this time Mac found a part of herself curious over whether Sarah had ever regretted her decision? For some reason at this moment the idea of Toll loving Sarah bothered Mac, it hadn't before when he initially told Mac about her, but at this second it did. Very much aware of the strange direction of her thoughts Mac turned her head toward the tree line and focused on the vehicle she could see passing by on the busy road they partly hid from her view. Shoving her thoughts about Sarah away and concentrating on the road and where he'd taken her instead.

Mac turned her attention forward when the sound of someone on the path nearby caught her attention. Not surprised when she saw it was Toll approaching, she let her eyes drift over his leather jacket and bluish gray khakis, her eyes pausing for a moment on the water bottles he held in his hands before they slowly came back to his.

Toll didn't say anything, just walked closer and handed her water, then sat down beside her. He kept his eyes on her as she opened the water he'd given her and took a drink. Letting his gaze leave her he did the same. His eyes traveling around their surroundings as silence enveloped them. They'd sat there long enough he'd been about to ask if she was ready when she spoke.

Mac sat beside him drinking her water in silence. She knew she needed to tell him, but she couldn't. It was still too soon for her to relive those awful moments again and she didn't want to look in his eyes and see the guilt she knew he'd feel. Panic began to set in again so she focused her gaze on the helmet that sat between them telling herself she just needed a day or two more before she told him. Monday she'd have to talk about this more with her Lawyer and without a doubt at her appointment with Doctor Adams so she assured herself she'd do it then. As she pushed those thoughts aside and focused on the helmet, her early curiosity about its previous owner came back and she found herself asking, "Was this Sarah's?" As she reached out and ran her fingers over the smooth black surface of the helmet, her gaze shifting to his face. Toll met her gaze, confused for a second, then his gaze dropped to the helmet that sat between them. "No, actually it's Lacey's." He answered as his eyes traveling over her face, mildly surprised she'd think it was Sarah's.

"I see." Was her reply, the knowledge it wasn't Sarah's hand me down made Mac feel relieved.

"She left it at my place a long time ago. Seems she still rides around with Lee I'm assuming she doesn't need it." He responded, then took another drink of water. "Would she mind me using it?" Mac asked, curious.

"I doubt it." He responded and silence settled back around them.

"Sarah wasn't much for riding." Toll offered next. Toll didn't talk about Sarah much or think about her really, he'd left that chapter of his life behind long ago. Her memory was still sometimes painful for him, but he found himself willing to relive some of Sarah if it meant keeping Macs mind even partly focused on something beside her present situation.

"No?" She questioned, meeting his gaze and feeling a little surprised he'd brought Sarah's name back into conversation.

"No," he began with a shake of his head, "she didn't like being on a bike." Mac knew what he was doing that he was trying to give her a distraction so she asked, "why?"

"She always said they were loud and unsafe." Toll replied. Mac thought about what he said a moment but didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say.

Settling back into the silence, neither said anything for a while. Toll was the first to break the silence as he asked her "Are you hungry?"

"Not really." She'd answered how he'd expected, but she hadn't eaten breakfast and the little she'd eaten yesterday didn't count for much. He wanted and hoped this day would help her start putting things behind her, he knew she wouldn't be back to normal after one day, but if he could keep her active and help her feel normal it was a step. For a moment he toyed with dropping the subject of food, but he knew he couldn't. Her lack of appetite was closely linked to her mental state and when she was ok mentally she had a healthy appetite. He continued to watch her closely for a while longer as he decided how best to approach the issue than said, careful with his words and the tone he used, "sweetheart, you need to eat."

"I know, I just don't have an appetite." The comment came out unbidden, before she'd had a chance to think about it. She knew how much her not eating bothered him without him telling her so she said, "but Ill try to eat."

Toll settled onto his bike and felt Macs slight weight settle onto the suspension as she sat down behind him. Her hands sliding down his back then her arms hesitantly wrapping around his waist, he knew she was afraid of hurting his rib and if he was truthful the ride was bothering it some but he could live with it, if it meant she'd eat like she said and kept her mind off other things.

After they'd gotten back on the road his mind drifted over the conversation they'd just shared when it occurred to him, he should just buy Mac her own helmet. The idea actually made a lot of sense. Lacey's helmet was old which was likely why she hadn't come back looking for it. Helmets only had a two-year shelf life, then it was smart to buy another even if you hadn't wrecked. Wear and tear, dropping them on the ground, banging them into thing compromised their integrity. Not to mention each person should have their own. Fit was important and overtime the foam inside the helmet contoured to the owner head. He'd decided he was going to do it, for more than just the reason that she needed her own, but because it gave him something else to use to keep her occupied and out of the house.

Mac settled onto Tolls bike wrapping her arms loosely around his thick waist, she was still rather uncertain about this whole thing. She liked riding with him, but the other times he hadn't had a bruised rib, a rib she was afraid she'd hurt if she held onto him too tightly. She understood why he was doing this; why he'd suggested they go for a ride. And she was grateful. Her mind drifted back to their conversation about the helmet she wore and Sarah as he started his bike and pulled out. Mac couldn't help but be thankful Sarah had left him. Not that she was happy about what Toll had went through losing the women he loved, but if Sarah hadn't left Mac wouldn't be here with him right now. She wouldn't know what it was like to be with him or belong to him. As far as Mac was concerned Sarah was stupid.

They didn't go that far only a few miles and Toll pulled off the road parking in front of a small diner. He shut off his bike and reached back his strong fingers wrapping around her forearm, steadying her as she got off his bike. She managed to eat most of the meal she ordered even though she hadn't wanted it. When they left the restaurant, Toll headed back toward New Orléans, but took his time, stopping at a big farmers market and at a few other points of interest. They didn't get back to his house till close to dark.

When Toll left the bathroom that night, Mac hadn't gone to bed yet. And he felt rather uncertain not knowing what he should do, what was appropriate he quickly dismissed the idea of laying down. Still unsure, he decided to sit on the bed and wait for her.

Shed disappeared into his bathroom before him tonight like she had the past two, changing into a pair of soft looking gray flannel pajama pants and white tank top. But when he'd exited the bathroom she was sitting on the floor with Goose scratching his stomach. She looked up and met his gaze when he opened the door, she didn't smile at him, but she didn't look nearly as fragile tonight as she had the last two. He watched as her gaze drifted from him and she gave Goose another affectionate scratch on his stomach and stood, wandering into the bathroom a second time. Once she was out of sight he found his mind drifting along the day they'd spent together as he made his way to the bed and sat down. She hadn't been normal, but she'd taken small steps forward, whether she realized it or not. Getting her out of the house and keeping her active had been the right thing. He'd known it would help her, well, he'd hoped it would help her. Helping her to get back to normal was his main priority at this moment.

Mac stepped back into the room and her presence pulled his thoughts back to the present as he looked up and caught her gaze. But only for a second then her gaze left his and she walked around the end of the bed and glanced at him one more time before she sat down, her back to him. He watched as she reached out and grabbed the bottle of Lunesta off the night stand he didn't have to see her to know she opened the bottle and took one out. Then put the bottle back in its place a grabbed her glass of water took a drink and placed her glass on the stand, then climbed into bed and rolled to her side and looked up him. Her eyes drifting to his lips as she said softly, "thank you for today."

Toll reached down and touched her cheek all concern over the sleeping pills disintegrating at her softly spoken words of thanks. He leaned closer as he shifted his body one hand reaching out and lifting the blankets, he slid under them and laid down in bed next to her at the same time kissing her softly, very much aware of the things that almost happened between them last night, he kept it brief. Then pulled back and tugged on her arm. Mac moved closer than shifted rolling to her other side and snuggled back into his chest like last night and waited as he adjusted the blankets around them and wrapped his arms around her. She fell asleep quickly, but he didn't. He knew it was wrong to feel this way but regardless of the reason he couldn't help but like being with her like this and not just the holding her as she slept, her little body tucked close to his chest. It was all of it, the way it felt, having her share his space. The sight of her in his bed, the idea of waking up with her in the morning. But mostly it was having spent an entire day with just her, seeing no one else they knew and then seeing her moving about his room. It felt right. Regardless of the guilt he felt and knowing this was his fault, that if he'd have been smarter he could have stopped it all from happening. Being with her like he had today, from the time he woke up, felt right.

* * *

><p>Mac woke the next morning earlier than she had the last few days. She forced herself to lay there perfectly still as the remnants of a nightmare danced around in her head. Broken images of Neal from that night all of them contorted and grotesque, the familiar feeling of nausea coiled and shifted in her stomach and for just a second the panic these images brought with them the same panic that had frightened her from her sleep threatened to overwhelm her. Taking several deep breaths, she turned her head to the side and squeezed her eyes shut, but only for a moment. She opened them again, waiting as the nausea and panic subsided. Her gaze focusing on Toll. He lay sleeping soundly beside her, on his back his head turned away from her, her eyes left him and traveled to the window judging from the faint yellow glow illuminating it, it was probably around five. Mac sat up carefully, not wanting to wake him, her eyes traveling over his large body in the bed beside her. She'd fallen asleep tucked against him again last night. His muscular arms wrapped around her. Despite all the ugliness that was her life at present she liked the way it felt sleeping close to him, knowing he was there. It was something she could grow used to. Last night, like always he'd been so gentle, his lips brushing hers softly, then pulling her against him and adjusting the blankets around them both, his large thickly muscled arms settling around her. The image of Neal hadn't haunted her nearly as bad, she had been able to push it away and concentrate on Tolls warmth. She'd quickly fallen to sleep with the aid of her sleeping pills.<p>

As she sat there, her mind drifted further over the previous day. Yesterday he'd been, pausing in her thoughts for a moment as she tried to find the word. Yesterday he'd been, well, him. Gentle and carrying like always. He'd made yesterday about nothing but her. He kept her occupied and out of the house, she knew he'd meant the activity to keep her mind focused on something besides Neal. She wouldn't have thought riding on the back of his motorcycle would have done the job, but it did. The images of Neal had stayed with her and that dark feeling had still hovered, but it wasn't nearly as debilitating as the days previous to that. She knew it was in large part due to the man himself and not just the activity. Being with him made all of this easier and she was coming to understand just how lucky she was to have him. But she also knew she had to figure out how to control all of this without him. Eventually, she'd be alone again, he'd leave her and that knowledge left her afraid. What would she do when the inevitable happened?

Mac sat snuggled against his chest, she'd stayed that way ever since they'd gotten back from town. After their conversation about the helmet's previous owner yesterday he'd apparently decided Mac needed one of her own. She had told him he didn't need to do that, Lacey's old helmet was fine, but he'd insisted, telling her the helmet was old and that was most likely the only reason it was still at his house. And then added rather shyly he wanted to do this so any other protest Mac might have formed died on her lips. The look in his eyes had made her keep silent. But now that they were back from their outing the decision she'd made this morning weighed on her mind. She found herself conflicted over whether it was the right choice or not and struggling with the right words or any words to tell him what she'd decided. She knew she needed to follow through, but now that she was faced with talking about it, she was afraid, afraid of being without him. Then she reminded herself, she'd made this decision partly for that reason. She had to, she was going to grow to rely on him to feel alright, she already was. Instead of trying to face this alone every time she got overwhelmed her thoughts turned to him, knowing if she was close to him things wouldn't be so scary. It made her afraid that her reliance on him would become a total dependency and she couldn't let that happen.

So taking a deep breath she forced her words out as she lifted her head, "I need to go home."

Toll heard her words, but sat silent for a moment as unease wove its way through him and his body stiffened. "Ok." He answered, uncertain if she meant to stay or not.

Mac pulled away from him meeting his troubled eyes, but continued to hold the hand that's fingers were interwoven with her own. She sat there studying him as she tried to find the courage to follow through with her decision. "I have to Toll." Toll held her gaze, slowly understanding what she meant. Before he even realized he had the thought the words they came out, "You don't have to Mac. You can stay with me." His voice low. He didn't want her to go.

"I want to, but... If I stay here," her eyes came back to his and dropped away quickly going to where her fingers lay intertwined with his. Taking a shaky breath, she continued struggling, "if I stay here with you..." She paused again, her thumb brushing across the back of his hand, in a slow circular motion.

Toll felt the pressure growing in his chest build to an almost painful state as his gaze stayed fixed on her down turned face. He hated seeing this, the struggle she was going through. He reached up with his other hand and slid it along her cheeks, his long fingers tangling in her hair. He gently urged her to look at him as he said her name softly, "Mac."

Mac felt his hand slide along her cheeks, the sensation, helping to calm her fractious nervous some. His gentle action making her feel a sudden urge to cry, when she made this decision earlier today she hadn't really had any feelings about it, she'd had known he wasn't going to like the idea, but had known it was something that had to be done. Uncertainty built inside her as she met his eyes, the anxious look in them twisted around her insides. She dropped her eyes from his, focusing on his chin as she tried to keep the tears from coming, she silently reminded herself, she had to do this, but it wasn't easy, leaving him when he was the only place she felt calm. "I have to. If I stay here," she trailed off biting her bottom lip as tears filled her eyes and collected in her eyelashes. Mac felt the thumb of Tolls hand that still cupped her cheek, slide across her skin and brush a tear away. That simple gesture almost made her change her mind as her heart twisted painfully and whispered, one more night, just stay with him one more night. She ignored the voice as best she could, it wasn't that easy. She reminded herself she was already dependent on him and if she didn't leave she might not have the courage to do it again.

Toll desperately wanted to know what it was she kept not being able to say. But he didn't ask wouldn't allow himself to. He just pushed it away to linger with all the other questions he had. He also had to tamp down the voice inside him that yelled at him not to let her leave him. Shutting that voice off wasn't easy, the idea of her leaving him made his heart pound and his body tighten in dread. The evidence of moisture glistening on her cheek and wetting his thumb only made his response worsen.

"I have to do this and there isn't going to be a right time." She began and then paused again as her face pinched with emotion as a new rush of tears came, this time the emotions behind them won out and they fell silently down her face. "When I'm with you I feel calmer and safe. But... I will grow dependent on it, on you." She finished, she hadn't looked at him as she gave her softly spoken reason. Her other hand came up and wrapped around his wrist, like it often did when he touched her face like this.

Toll took a ragged breath, the pressure in his chest tightening around his heart like a vice, staring down at her down turned head, he said gently, "Mac, sweetheart." Mac looked up and met his troubled gaze, she knew he didn't want her to go, that he was apprehensive it was evident in his posture and the worried lines marking his brow. "I have to Toll, I have to learn how to deal with this on my own." Her eyes dropped from his then she continued, "if I don't go home what happens when you leave me again? What then? I won't know how to be ok and you won't be here." He wanted to argue but he couldn't. First of all it was ultimately her decision and secondly he could see her point as much as he didn't want to. So he watched her, waiting for her eyes to come back to him, when they did, he held her gaze for a moment, then said, "alright." Even though what he really wanted to say was, stay with me, let me take care of you.

* * *

><p>Maggie finished shutting off the downstairs lights and made her way up the stairs, then turned and walked along the hall toward the front of the house, pausing outside of Macs open door, she lay curled up in the center of the bed, her back to the door, Goose stretched out close to her. Maggie paused there a moment, not certain if Mac was asleep or not. When Mac didn't give any indication that she'd heard her, Maggie took a step back preparing to walk off when she heard Macs voice. "Mum?"<p>

"Yes, sweetie?" Maggie asked as she walked into the room and over to the bed sitting down. Mac didn't turn and face her, just reached back and grabbed her mother's hand, clutching it in her own and pulling it over her. "What can I do for you, love?" Maggie asked as she moved closer so she sat with her side pressed against Macs back.

"I want Toll."

"Then call him."

Mac just shook her head and Maggie leaned further over her reaching out with her unoccupied hand and brushing the hair from Macs face, tucking it gently behind Macs ear. "If your father and I being here is the reason you don't call him, we can go to Liam's." She suggested softly.

"It's not that mum. It's just... I have to figure out how to do this without him." As she sat there a moment contemplating Macs softly voiced protest, a soft smile stole across Maggie's face as Macs words made her think about the tenderness she'd seen Toll display toward her daughter. He really hadn't wanted to leave Mac tonight, it had been obvious. And no matter the brave front Mac had put up, she hadn't wanted him to go either. Maggie also knew her husband had witnessed and understood what passed between Toll and Mac. Really only a fool wouldn't see the depth of emotion that ran between the two of them. Like after meeting Toll, Douglas hadn't had a word to say keeping whatever he thought to himself.

"Will you sleep in here tonight?" Mac asked, squeezing her hand tighter and bring Maggie out of her musings. "I can do that." She answered.


	39. Chapter 38

**Yet again, I find myself apologizing for the inexcusable wait between chapters. Thanks so much to those of you that put up with me while I figured this chapter out. I hope you all enjoy it! **

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><p>By four o'clock in the morning Toll had given up on sleep, he'd only slept for an hour, maybe two all night and that hadn't been at all at once. Frustrated, he threw back his blankets in exasperation and headed for the bathroom. Maybe if he got up and started his day he could focus on something besides Mac. Maybe he could keep himself occupied till she called him, but he doubted it. It was still early and she wouldn't be up for hours. Shaking his head in irritation, he stripped his boxer briefs, kicking them to the floor and stuck his hand in the shower to test the water temp, then slid the curtain back and got in, telling himself the whole time she was alright. But it had little affect just like it had last night when he'd attempted to tell himself the same thing. He knew it was true, but it wasn't the same as being with her and being able to see for himself.<p>

Leaving her last night had been difficult, he'd spent the night tossing and turning and obsessing. Thinking about every moment since he'd gotten home and Tool had told him. Reliving it all. Part of him and not a small part had wanted to argue with her last night, he hadn't wanted her to leave. He'd wanted to keep her close. But he could understand why she felt she had to do this. Still, it hadn't been easy.

She was trying to be brave and he was being selfish. He wanted her with him. He'd reminded himself that she needed him to support her and think about what she wanted not his own needs. But it was difficult when she looked at him with uncertainty like she had when he was leaving her last night. For half a second after she gave him that look he'd thought about suggesting he stay the night with her, but he'd kept silent, kissed her gently and hugging her. Then he told her if she needed him to call. He'd made that offer as much for himself as her.

* * *

><p>When morning came for Mac it brought with it a revelation of sorts. It started out like the last several had as she lay there in bed, but with the images and nausea came something besides the numbness, she'd grown accustomed to. And although that numbness did come, this new emotion quickly replaced it. Anger. It started off at a slow build, mingling with the other things she felt.<p>

As she sat there on her bed the anger spread throughout her.

It drowned out all other emotions becoming powerful. She continued to sit there, reliving the events of nearly a week past as the anger made her revisit the reason for its present existence. But through the anger, confusion and guilt, an image of Neal's parents entered her mind and she remembered his mother was ill. Ill enough Neal had moved back to be close to her. Her anger slowly dissipated at the thought of Shelly. She didn't ask Neal what was wrong that first day he stopped by her house. Mac hadn't allowed herself, not wanting to overcomplicate an already complicated situation. She'd always liked Shelly. They'd always shared a warm relationship. And she knew both Shelly and Kevin knew what happened when Mac had left Neal. Maybe not the facts exactly; She wasn't there when they picked up Neal's stuff and she knew Liam wouldn't have told them, but they knew their son enough to have an idea. Another realization hit Mac at that moment; They'd be at the trial, most likely, and Mac would have to face them. Her stomach rolled violently at the thought. Refusing the guilt and resurgence of emotion, Mac quickly got out of bed, her feet connecting with the chilly hardwood floor and noting, for the first time since waking, she was alone in the room. Her mom was gone and so was Goose.

She walked to the dresser to get some socks as her mind moved on to Toll. She had missed him last night. Despite everything going on in her life, she realized she liked falling asleep curled up against his solid chest, his strong arms wrapped around her, his body heat surrounding her. Surprisingly, she felt warmth steal across her skin, and the feeling intensified as she remembered his touch and kisses from a few nights ago. Neal's memory chose that moment to revisit her and it chased the warmth spreading through her body away. Her earlier anger quickly followed the memory and she used it to shove Neal to the back of her mind.

She turned her attention instead, to where her mom could be. Her gaze traveling to the clock on her nightstand as she sat down in the chair by her dresser and pulled on her socks. It was six o'clock. And judging from the smell coming from downstairs as she rose and walked toward her bedroom door her mom was cooking breakfast. Her mom always cooked breakfast, every morning. For as long as Mac could remember, her mum was up and had breakfast ready before Mac's dad left for work.

On her way downstairs, her mind moved to what she needed to do today. The shrink, the lawyer, and she should stop by her office. Her desk had been littered with invoices and mail when she and Toll were there Saturday. She ignored the sharp pang of unease that set in when she thought about seeing Anna, Aaron and the others. She could put it off if she wanted, but eventually she'd have to see them and whenever that was, it wouldn't be easy.

* * *

><p>Mac wandered into the kitchen to find her parents sitting at the island, just finishing up eating breakfast. They both instantly looked in her direction. "Morning." Mac offered to them both.<p>

Maggie looked up to see Mac walking into the room. Her concerned gaze traveled over Mac. "Morning, hun." She offered in response to Mac's greeting, noting that, while she looked a little worn, she looked much better than she had last night. Watching as Mac continued into the room and shifted her gaze to her father, Maggie asked "Are you hungry?"

Maggie was shocked when Mac's reply came, "a little." Maggie could tell by the hollowness of her cheeks Mac hadn't been eating much. She stood up quickly and busied herself getting Mac some food.

Mac watched her mom as she leaned closer to her dad and placed her head on his shoulder. Her gaze shifted to her dad as she felt his arm slide around her shoulder in a partial hug. She leaned closer and placed an arm around his waist. "Morning." He said in his deep baritone, "How are you feeling this morning?"

Maggie tensed when she heard Douglas's question, her posture staying, ridged till she heard Mac's voice. "Alright."

Maggie didn't turn, she just finished dishing Mac's food and then turned her attention back to her daughter and husband. She wanted to ask Mac if she was really alright or just saying it, but instead, she asked "Why don't you call Garrett and ask him to come eat with you?" She assumed Mac would be anxious to see him and was certain Toll would be the same.

Toll's phone only rang one time before he answered it. His heartbeat sped up when he picked it up and looked at the screen, he'd actually done a fair job of not obsessing over her since his shower. But still he'd been waiting anxiously for her to call him. "Mac?" Her name came out questioningly.

"Hey."

"How are you?" He asked then cringed. He'd avoided asking her that very question for days now, not wanting to upset her, but it slipped out before he realized. He just needed to know.

Mac couldn't help but notice anxiousness in his voice, when he answered. And then when he asked how she was and it tugged at something inside her, she didn't want him to worry about her. She was uncertain exactly how she felt. But she also knew her behavior since he'd gotten home was most likely the reason for that worry. So she answered, trying to keep her voice reassuring, "I'm.. O.k." Then quickly followed it up with, "how'd you sleep?" The soft, quality of her voice, like usual, making his chest tighten. "Fine," he answered even though it wasn't necessarily what one would call the truth, but he wouldn't weigh her down with his nighttime activities. After a moment's pause, he asked, "and you?" He had to know.

"Alright," she answered again, then followed it up quickly with, "Why don't you come eat with me? Mum cooked a big breakfast casserole."

"Sounds good," he replied, even though he'd already eaten breakfast.

When they hung up a minute later, Toll sat there another minute thinking. There was something different about her voice this morning. Anxious to see her and not wanting to keep her waiting, he jumped up and headed for the front door.

* * *

><p>After Toll found himself seated at the island in Macs kitchen the awkwardness set in. When she'd called him, he hadn't thought about the fact, eating breakfast with her would mean eating it with her parents also. Sure the initial introductions were over with, but that didn't change that he was still uncertain about being around them. All he'd thought about after they hung up was seeing Mac. Having breakfast with her parents never crossed his mind. He knew he would have accepted the invite regardless, but if he'd thought about it he'd have been better prepared.<p>

He was relieved that Maggie only dished one plate of food and placed it on the island in front of him beside the full plate that was already there. Mac poured him orange juice from the pitcher, setting on the bar, then took a seat on the stool next to him as she reached out and grabbed the other plate. He watched her curious to see if she'd actually eat the food or just push it around the plate.

Douglas spoke up and pulled his attention from Mac, "My girl here tells me you went to Oregon U?"

"I did." Toll replied.

"She said a wrestling scholarship?" Douglas questioned next, an interested look on his face.

Toll simply nodded, he never really talked about this stuff much. Mac was the only one that drew him into conversation about this part of his life in a long time.

Mac took a bite of her food and turned her attention to Toll, noting instantly he looked a little uncomfortable. Not wanting him to feel uneasy, she reached over and slid her hand into his. Linking her fingers with his own.

Toll felt her small hand slide into his and her fingers intertwining with his own. At first the gesture made him feel slightly uncertain, holding her hand in her parent's company didn't seem right. Until his gaze traveled to her, the reassuring look in her eyes, pushing some of the awkwardness he was feeling away. He noted again the difference in her, he'd heard it on the phone and seen it when he arrived. He wished they had a chance to talk when he'd arrived, but she was in the bathroom and Maggie had answered the door. He'd found himself nearly in the kitchen before he'd even seen Mac.

Her beautiful eyes were still shadowed, but there was a calmness about her, different from the fragile one she'd displayed in recent days. That one had made him think it could disappear easily, this one was different. She seemed... Determined. Maybe? Tolls pondering was interrupted a moment later when her father spoke again.

"You must have been good." Douglas observed, bringing Toll's attention and thoughts back to him. "Yeah, some would say that." Toll responded, still feeling a little awkward, he pushed himself past it and went on. "I was Division champion in my weight class all through high school and took state 4 years in a row." Mild embarrassment set in the moment the words left his lips. That comment sounded a little too much like bragging to him. But if Mac's father took it that way he didn't show it. A look a genuine surprise and interest lit his blue eyes as he said "Impressive."

"What about at OSU?" Douglas asked next.

"I did alright for myself. Not quite as good, but not bad." Toll answered.

Douglas nodded, "I bet it was a totally different level of competing."

" Yeah, it was. It meant I had to work harder." Toll said in agreement.

Maggie interjected into conversation at that moment, "furthering your education can be difficult enough. It must have been hard having to keep focus on both your studies and your sport?"

"Yeah, but it was an opportunity I had to take seriously." He answered meeting Maggie's gaze as she walked closer and perched on one of the saddle back stools by the island.

"what did you major in? I don't think Mac told me." Maggie said next.

"I did too." Mac said, drawing everyone's gaze.

Toll looked down at her where she sat beside him, a soft smile steeling across his face. Her gaze shifted from her mother and came to him. Her cheeks reddened slightly as their gazes met. Toll felt his chest tighten, he loved when she looked at him like that. This morning it's effect was more powerful than normal, it wasn't a look he'd seen recently. And again he questioned the change in her.

"Structural engineering." Mac answered for him, still holding his gaze. That enchanting blush deepening ever so slightly.

"Really?" Douglas asked surprised and curious,his tone effectively pulling Mac's gaze away from Toll. Toll watched her a moment more even though she didn't look at him any longer, pressure spreading through his chest. "Yeah." He answered as his gaze shifted from Mac to her father.

The conversation that happened over the next hour wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as Toll would have expected. Her parents were nice people. And her mother particularly seemed to share Mac's ability to put a person at ease. So he'd answered their questions, talking about school, his time in the military, but stayed careful to keep away from anything that could lead to questions about his present work. Really, talking about his degree could open doors to just that. He'd been really nervous at one point when Mac's father asked about why he hadn't perused it after he got out of the military. But luckily when Toll said, 'he didn't really know.' Maggie spoke up and reminded Douglas he needed to shower before they left the house. Bringing the conversation to an end.

Toll turned and looked at Mac after her parents left the room and they were alone. All of his attention focused on the difference in her this morning as his gaze traveled over her profile. She'd eaten this morning as he talked with her parents. He couldn't help but wonder if it had been voluntary or if her mom had suggested she eat.

She looked at him after a moment and he held her gaze, his eyes searching hers. He could see the shadows lurking in their depths, but noted the other quality as well. Her gaze softened a little and dropped from his and he watched as she shuffled her stool closer then leaned into his side and linked her arms around him, hugging him for the first time today. Toll returned the embrace, uncomfortable as the position was for his rib, he just held her and let quiet settle around them. While his mind raced over the many questions he wanted to ask.

Oddly enough, the first things Mac thought as she sat there, snuggled awkwardly against him, weren't thoughts about everything she had to do today or horrible images of Neal, like those that had haunted her so much lately, regardless of where she was. They were that he smelled clean, like Irish spring. And that he felt good. Listening to him talk with her parents had been neat, she learned things about him she wasn't aware of, things it hadn't occurred to her to ask him. While she hadn't participated in the conversation that flowed around her much, it had been an effective distraction. She liked knowing about him; she wanted to know about him. After a moment she found herself saying, "you smell."

Toll smiled faintly when he heard her softly voiced comment. If he had expected her to say anything that certainly wouldn't have been it. "I do?" He asked.

"Yes, like Irish spring." She replied. Toll felt his smile broaden, charmed by her reply, he asked "is that good or bad?"

"I like the smell." She answered, lifting her head and glancing up at him. Then I'll have to remember to buy it more often, he heard himself think as her gaze left him and her head settled back against his shoulder.

"How are you?" The question had come out unbidden and he cringed, but like earlier today he didn't wish it back.

For a moment she didn't want to answer, then reminded herself this was all part of moving past all this and as much as she didn't like talking about it knew she couldn't brush off his concern and questions so Mac answered his question truthfully. "I don't really know. I was angry this morning and... I..." Really, she didn't know how she felt, it wasn't the numbness she was used to, but it wasn't alright either. She didn't know how to explain it to him. She sat there staring at the island, trying to find the words so he could understand, but before she found them, she heard his voice, "anger can be a good thing."

"Is it?" She asked tonelessly as she moved away from him and sat up.

"Yeah it is." He said, with meaning. He'd give anything to not upset her but he didn't want her to somehow twist the anger into more guilt. And after what he'd witnessed the last few days, he was afraid it was a likely possibility. "It's better than what you've felt the last few days isn't it?" He continued to watch her closely, hoping he wasn't upsetting her.

"Yes, I mean no.. I don't know." She said confused, how was she supposed to just... "This morning, I... His mother is sick Toll, it's bad, it's why he came back." She trailed off, tears gathering in her eyes. Her frustration visible.

Toll watched her, uncertain of what to say. He knew it was easy to tell someone it was going to be ok. But it didn't mean it would be easy to get to that point. But regardless, now that this conversation was started, he wasn't not going to offer what he could to help her. Reaching out, he touched her hand and waited for her attention to come to him. When it did, he chose his words carefully, not wanting to belittle what she was feeling. "I know you haven't told me what happened yet, Mac, and you don't have to till you're ready. But what Neal did, what happened." He paused a moment, picking his next words carefully, "it was out of anyone's control." He'd nearly said you didn't have a choice but stopped himself, those words were rarely helpful. It was kind of like saying when someone who had suffered a long illness died, that 'they were in a better place', if they were fortunate, it was maybe true. But it gave little solace to those left behind. Saying you didn't have a choice went against the very truth that there always was a choice. And he doubted those words held much reassurance for Mac. And he didn't want to use those words and have her somehow believe him and make herself better for the moment only to have the guilt come back later. She needed to accept what had happened and move on. He'd rather her understand that it was her life or Neal's and that the only thing else could have done might have meant her own life. So he asked, "what else could you have done?"

"I could have..." She didn't know. What could she have done? let him shoot you? her mind questioned. That's what he was going to do, her mind said next. He wouldn't have flinched at killing you and Liam the same voice said again. And she knew all that but it still didn't make the guilt go away, or changed the knowledge that Shelly was ill or that Neal was dead. That she had done it. These thoughts only made the guilt and confusion she felt worsen and her mind focused on Shelly for a minute and she heard herself begin to talk, her voice sounding strange to her.

The look one Mac's face made his insides twist painfully. He continued to watch her afraid he'd messed up, concerned that he shouldn't have pushed her. That it may be to soon. But he wanted her to understand. Then she spoke. "I heard a noise," she began her eyes taking on a far off look as they moved away from him and fixed on the island. "I thought it was a dream." Toll's body went on alert when he realized what was happening, he didn't move, just focused all his attention on her. "But Goose, he ummm.. He was growling and I heard it again.. Glass breaking." She paused her eyes becoming more distant before she continued. "It was the window in my office the one closest to the.. To the hall." Pausing as she met his eyes, but only briefly. "Liam came to my room.. He wanted me call 911 and hide." she paused biting her lip as she attempted to control her emotions. Moisture leaked out of her eyes, wetting her cheek. She reached up and batted it away as she continued, "my phone was.. I'd forgot to plug it in and Liam's.. It wasn't in his room."

"Then I heard a thump and groan and I.." She trailed off meeting his gaze, the riot of emotions in his eyes made her hesitate a moment. But she'd started this and she needed to finish. Pushing on, she said, "I didn't know.. I waited, hoping.. Hoping I'd hear Liam... That he'd.. Holler my name or appear.." Pressure began to build in Toll's chest as he listened to her talk. It made it difficult to breathe as the anger worked into his muscles. His anger growing as she watched her struggle through the events of that night. Her present struggle reminding him of the constant struggle she faced daily since that night. He found himself clenching and unclenching his fists over and over. He wasn't even aware of the action till Mac's gaze drifted to his hands and paused. Stopping the action immediately, he focused on her. And her eyes stayed trained on his hands as she began to talk again.

He'd known what she'd faced that night was horrible but listening to it from her lips and seeing how the retelling of the events of that night affected her was like a knife in his gut. He sat there and continued to listen every word she said, making the anger and guilt he'd already felt twisting inside him worsen.

Somehow, he managed to keep tight hand on his emotions. He knew if he didn't, he might scare her and the last thing he wanted, she'd been through enough. His restraint nearly snapped when she cried in earnest as she told him about waking up in the hospital and remembering. Somehow that particular part was worse for him to listen to than the rest. She wasn't alone thank god, but it if this had to happen, it should have been him with her when she woke and not Jake. Really, if he'd done his job done what any man should do this never would have happened. He forced the growing knowledge of his own failure aside and he vowed to himself again that he'd fix this. He sat and watched her a bit longer, his eyes traveling over her troubled face.

At some point in her story, she'd stood and leaned against the bar, facing him, her eyes fixed on his shoulder. Toll stood and reached for her, pulling her into his arms and against his chest. The only thing he could seem to say being, "I'm so sorry, Mac." And he was. Sorrier than she'd ever know.

"I'm alright." She said, attempting to reassure him as she burrowed into his chest. She felt his chin settle onto the top of her head and his arms tighten around her.

* * *

><p>Maggie had started back downstairs after Douglas got in the shower content to quickly find her purse and disappear back upstairs before she disturbed Mac and Toll. Telling Doug he needed a shower had merely been an excuse to give Garrett and Mac some privacy. She knew her husband and knew, like most men, once he'd entered a conversation he found interesting, it could be nearly impossible to pull him away. And there was no doubt in her mind Douglas found Toll to be a surprisingly interesting man and so did she. But there would be a time and place for Douglas to pepper Garrett with questions and now wasn't that time. Mac hadn't had a private moment with the man since he'd knocked on her door this morning. Mac had worn a brave face this morning, but Maggie suspected Mac could do with a little private time with him before she faced the stress of the day.<p>

She'd been about half way down the stairs when she stepped on a creaky board. She'd paused a moment and that's when she heard Mac's hesitant voice coming from the kitchen. She stood there longer than she should eavesdropping, but she couldn't help herself after she'd realized what Mac was talking about. It made her happy her overly private daughter was opening up to Garrett, but Maggie herself still had so many questions about that night. When she realized just how wrong her actions were, she turned and quietly scurried back up the steps. Then busied herself straightening up the room as she waited for Douglas to get out of the shower. Her mind mulling over what she'd overheard as she moved about the room. A couple minutes later, Douglas shut the water off in the bathroom and Maggie quickly decided once he was dressed they'd go for a walk.

Mac took a deep breath as she pushed the door closed and heard it latch. She hadn't planned to tell Toll, well that wasn't true. She hadn't planned on telling him when she did. It had been easier to tell him than she'd expected and as raw as it had left her she felt a little better for having it done. She chose to ignore that little voice that reminded her she hadn't told him everything. Really she didn't know if she ever would tell him. He already blamed himself and if he knew what Neal had said it would only make it worse for him. She pushed the guilt she felt aside and busied herself with getting ready to leave the house, her mind stayed focused on Toll.

Mac left her house about an hour after Toll left. Like Toll had, she knew her parents wanted to come with her, but Mac had already decided she needed to do this alone. So she told her mom they should go spend sometime with Beth and Charlotte, and that she'd call her if she needed her. She wasn't certain her mom understood, but Mac needed to do this. It had been way harder to tell Toll no when he'd offered to take her. She'd seen how her words had affected him when shed told him about Neal. She'd nearly said yes when he asked her if she wanted him to come, but she hadn't allowed herself.

* * *

><p>Toll Road parked his truck and got out striding toward Tool's shop with purpose. He wasn't in the mood for this, not right now. He'd told Barney when he'd called he wasn't leaving. Barney hadn't had much to say but Toll didn't believe the news surprised him. He didn't like the idea of leaving the guys hanging like this and he'd hoped that by some miracle there wouldn't be anymore missions till after Mac's trial, but he'd known that was unlikely. Maybe if she'd handled this better he'd go, but he knew he wouldn't it just wasn't an option. Luckily this particular job was supposed to be easy. Barney needed him to come look at the building layout and tell him what they needed. Besides that, Toll needed to get his cut from their last job from Barney.<p>

He'd tried to hide from Mac just how angry and weak her story had made him feel. He'd wanted to smash something. But the last thing she needed right now was for him to lose control in her presence. After all, it would only frighten her and really what good would it do anyway? Unfortunately, being in a room full of his coworkers was certain to rub him wrong if he wasn't careful. It wouldn't matter if they asked question or kept silent.

The guys looked up when Toll walked into the shop and the good-natured conversation that had been flowing between them halted. It wasn't just the uncertainty of what to say in this scenario. It was the expression on his face that silenced the room.

* * *

><p>After Mac met with her lawyer, some of her bravado had left. He'd spoken with the district attorney's office and the hearing was set for a week from today. He reiterated what he'd said on Friday, it was merely a formality. All parties involved seen it as a case of self-defense. She wondered if that everybody included Neal's parents. But she didn't ask. Her thoughts from this morning came back to her, and that sick feeling settled inside her. She made the mistake of allowing the thought to take hold and it left her feeling panicked. She forced the panic away and pushed her thoughts onto her next appointment. Ugh, that shrink. She canceled the appointment when she got to the car, she really didn't want to see that man today. She decided instead to go to her office.<p>

She had realized when her her lawyer gave her the court date it was almost the end of the month. And it being September meant the close of the third quarter and her books were behind. She needed to get caught up, she was never late with her quarterly taxes and didn't plan on starting now.

Her minded drifted to Toll and she thought for a moment about calling him. But she quickly quelled the idea, if she called him right now as shaken up as she was she knew she'd only make him worry. And she didn't want that. Especially, not after this morning. She knew him; knew he blamed himself. After his reaction this morning and the anger she'd seen him trying to keep contained, she needed to be strong. If she continued to cry and fall apart it would only make his guilt worsen. As much as she felt her own guilt over not telling him everything, she knew it had been the right choice. She couldn't even imagine how he'd be if she told him all of it. What Neal said to her about Toll himself.

Not to mention the fact, she'd gone home to get a better handle on herself and not end up dependent on him. A voice inside her spoke up reminding her, but you said you'd call him. She knew she had, but she'd meant when she was done the stuff she needed to do and she wasn't.

The choice to go to her office bothered her. And she knew she could put off going till tomorrow but she wasn't ready to go home. Her parents weren't there and even though she'd told Toll and was determined to move on, the idea of being in her home alone felt daunting. She had been briefly this morning after Toll left and her parents had gotten back from their walk. But that had been for less than five minutes. She also knew she could call her mom and dad and they'd come home, but she wanted them to stop worrying so much, too.

* * *

><p>Tool had paid more attention to the goings on in his back room today than he normally would. He was basically Barney's secretary, if you wanted to get technical. He just handled the phone calls and messages and that was the way he preferred it. But when Toll Road arrived earlier, his presence had sucked the air out of the room, he'd looked ready to kill something or someone. And everyone had to tread lightly. All of them very much aware of Toll's temper when he lost it. The reason he'd paid more attention was when Gunnar showed moments after Toll Road himself, his mood didn't appear to be much better. And if one or the other of them set the other off, it might get a little ugly.<p>

Barney had told him Toll wasn't going with them on this mission and the news didn't surprise him. But the dark mood Toll was presently in made Tool wonder what had happened now. He wanted to know how she was doing but refrained from asking, judging from Toll's current mood probably not well. When Hale spoke Tool tensed uncertain exactly how intelligent Hale's question was.

"You ain't going with us, hunh?" Hale asked, harmlessly.

When Toll didn't say anything just continued to pour his attention over the building plan laid out of the table before him. Hale asked a second question, "How's she doing?"

Toll looked at Hale, suddenly all the anger and frustration he'd felt since this morning displaced itself onto Hale. "How the fuck do you think she is?" Toll snapped, his body tensing. And the room went silent around them.

Hale threw up his hands in supplication.

"Look man I was just wondering that's all." Toll wasn't so lost in his anger that he didn't see the surprise that lit Hale's face.

"Yeah well, she isn't great." Toll said with meaning, trying to convey the subject was closed.

Barney watched the exchange between Toll Road and Hale not really surprised by Toll's outburst. Just like he hadn't been surprised when Toll told him he wasn't leaving with them. It was understandable, given the circumstances, but it bothered him. If he was to hazard a guess, he'd bet Toll Road had, in his mind, allowed this to become all his fault. And he had little doubt the little con artist was letting him. After all, why wouldn't she. He'd seen her kind many times before, she'd attach herself to Toll till she didn't feel she needed him any longer.

Lee's voice broke Barney's train of thought. The Brit noticing the tension also, asked "So how many charges for the northern wall?" Barney's gaze moved to Lee momentarily then back to Toll.

Tolls eyes left Hale and moved back to the schematic on the table. His anger appeared to cool down a bit but maintained a visible simmer. No one else asked about her

* * *

><p>Mac could tell by the expressions on Anna and Aaron's faces when she walked through the door they hadn't expected to see her today.<p>

But to both their credit, they gathered themselves quickly. After an awkward moment or two. Aaron spoke up saying, "good morning boss." After they'd all exchanged awkward greetings Mac went in back to her office to gather her books. Immediately noting the stack of invoices and unopened bills and notes on her desk had grown since she was her Saturday. She shoved all other thoughts aside and concentrated on the task of sorting through them. Amongst the invoices and bills where donation requests for the Halloween fund raiser Mac and Tess always participated in. It was a haunted house and Halloween carnival that's proceeds went to the children's hospital. Normally Mac donated pastries and homemade candy, then she and Tess would dress up in costumes and work the event.

Next in the stack was for the harvest dinners she donated to the veterans hall across town. That really was one of her favorites. She filled them both out. She spent the next hour returning phone calls, paying bills and sorting through papers. Her mind tried several times to slip into the memories, but she pushed them aside, concentrating harder on the work before her.

* * *

><p>Toll was just getting ready to leave when Tool stopped him, "wait a minute brother. I got something that belongs to that little lady of yours." Toll paused and watched Tool head into the back room where Toll had just been minutes ago. Toll didn't bother to follow him. He just waited. A second later, Tool reappeared with a thin black jacket in his hands. Toll knew that coat, it was the one she generally wore when he took her for a ride. He watched Tool walk toward him, hand out stretched as he said, "she left this here." Toll noted the hesitance in the older mans voice not really surprised. After his earlier outburst with Hale, Tool was likely a little gun-shy about mentioning Mac.<p>

Toll reached out and took the lightweight garment from Tool's hand. Tool looked for a moment like he wanted to say something, but didn't. "Thanks for everything you did." Toll heard himself say. Tool didn't say anything right away, just held his gaze, "tell her to stop by when she's feeling better."

Starting his truck, he wasn't sure what to do now. He hadn't heard from Mac and he didn't want to go home. If he did, he'd just think and thinking was an iffy thing at the moment. If he thought he'd end up naming all the ways he'd failed her again. And the self-hatred he already felt would manifest.


	40. Chapter 39

Tolls irritation grew as he drove home. Every mile closer he got to his house the worse it got. His first instinct was to stay away from home and find something to do to take the edge off his mood before Mac called, in his present frame of mind he was certain she'd see through whatever mask he could create to hide his own emotions and he didn't want that. But he needed to go through supplies and see if he had what Barney needed for this mission. He was fairly certain he had enough detonators already assembled. The C-4 was another issue entirely. At times when they had enough advanced notice he cooked the plastic explosive himself, other times he called the supplier they used when that wasn't an option. Cooking it would provide a distraction and took enough focus that it would get his mind off what Mac said. But still he had quickly dismissed the idea, he wasn't in the mood and he had no way of knowing when she'd call. The last thing he wanted was to be in the middle of the process and have his phone ring.

She was doing better today, trying to be brave and start moving forward and he reasoned with himself that really it should make him happy. On some levels, it did, he wanted her to start moving past all this. But unfortunately now that she'd told him what happened and he wasn't left to wonder, it made all the anger and frustration and guilt worsen. He'd seen the pain in her eyes and watched her visibly struggle her way through the events of that night and it left him feeling powerless.

There were other things about her story that bothered him, he couldn't shake the feeling she held something back, that there was a piece of information she wasn't telling him. She hadn't given any indication that she wasn't being completely open with him. She'd struggled with the story and he wouldn't expect her not to. Maybe it was just his guilt that made him question her telling of events? That nagging little voice that had arrived shortly after he'd left her and told him she knew what he'd done?

He also found himself questioning if he'd stayed away from Neal if this could have all been avoided. It wasn't the first time since he'd gotten home, he'd asked himself that question. But that had never really been an option for Toll, there was only one thing that could have stopped this and that's if Toll had taken care of Neal that night instead of leaving the bastard to his own devices. He never should have left Neal the way he did, after all cowards always went after what they perceived as the easy mark. Mentally checking himself, he pushed the thoughts away and forced himself to focus on getting things together for Barney. After he'd gotten home and got stuff together and called their supplier he'd figure out what to do while he waited for her to call.

The only thing that sounded the least appealing was going to Johnny's and find a sparing partner. Even with his injury the idea was appealing. He knew he could get hold of one of the guys and they meet up with him, but he also knew as mad as he was he didn't want to direct his rage at one of them. He wanted to break something and he'd thought for a brief moment it was going to be Caesar head. The idea of Johnny's was becoming more and more appealing by the second as he continued his ride home. There would be any number of guys there more than willing to let him take his anger out on them. Johnny was always trying to train the next big thing. Young guys itching for fame and fortune, be their ultimate goal the octagon or the boxing ring. Johnny trained them all, and Tolls fighting experience made Johnny eager to throw his young hopefuls up against him. And right now taking his frustration out on a willing partner was appealing. Staying home and waiting for her to call wasn't an option he'd go crazy.

When he arrived at home, he made a quick inventory of supplies, and called the supplier for the C-4 the stuff would be ready in the morning. After he hung up, he checked the time it was 11:30. He was still uncertain what to do. He knew he wanted to go to Johnny's but he didn't want to miss a call from her and it wasn't like he could carry his phone onto the mat with him. He thought for a minute about calling her, but he didn't want her to feel like he was rushing her. He'd no sooner dismissed the thought and his phone rang.

* * *

><p>Mac decided she would just stay at her office till one. It wasn't what she wanted to do, but it was a step forward. One of the phone calls she'd returned earlier had been for a wedding booking and the couple wanted to come take a look at menu Options. Originally they'd talked about doing it later in the week, but Mac had just received another call asking if they could do it this afternoon. She'd said yes and had for a moment thought about leaving it in Anna's capable hands, then decided to stay and handle it herself. Now that she knew what her time frame was, she decided she'd call Toll, she didn't know where he was or what he was doing, but she felt certain he'd make sure he was available when she called and she didn't want him sitting around and waiting. Picking up the phone, she dialed his number.<p>

* * *

><p>Maggie was just drifting off to sleep when Douglas spoke, startling her awake. "What do you think of Garrett?" If it wasn't for his words she'd likely be grumpy with him. In the long-span of their marriage he'd developed a habit of wanting to talk when Maggie was almost asleep or asleep. But tonight she just rolled over lifted herself up on her elbow and looked at him, she'd been waiting for him to mention Garrett. "I like him, he seems like a decent man. What do you think?"<p>

"He's an interesting guy."

Maggie smiled faintly, and asked "Does that mean you like him?"

"I don't like the age difference. But she could have done worse." He said gruffly, Maggie had decided she wasn't going to worry about the age difference. But she knew Douglas would have a hard time with it. She also knew if the man was even five years younger Douglas wouldn't be bothered by it. Maggie herself still wasn't a fan of it, but it didn't bother her nearly as much now that she'd spent time with them together. "Well the age doesn't bother me so much anymore." She offered. When her husband didn't respond, she asked, "is the age difference the only thing that bothers you?"

After a moment he responded, "yeah. He's seems like a decent guy, smart, educated. And I wish I knew more about what he did for a living." Maggie listened to her husbands purely male evaluation, shed been about ready to speak what she thought his most important quality was when Douglas spoke up again. "But he cares about her." Maggie was a little shocked by his last comment, not that she didn't share the opinion, just that the words came from her husband mouth. Maggie nodded and watched as Douglas rolled to his side away from her apparently done with the conversation. Maggie laid down and settled back against the pillows, no longer tired her mind drifted over Mac and her Garrett. Douglas words reflected what she had been about to say. "He'll take care of her," she began, then added, wishing also she knew exactly what import business meant, "and my suggestion would be if you want to know more about what he does ask him." At first she thought her husband had already fallen asleep. "Go to sleep women. There's no need to Start planning their wedding just yet."

"Who says I am?" Laughing faintly.

* * *

><p>Mac pulled up in front of the industrial shop building, under the cutout metal sign that read Tool's and shut off her jeep. She wasn't certain where Toll was but when she'd left the office, she didn't call him, this morning at breakfast he'd mentioned that he had some stuff he needed to do later in the morning. With that in mind, she'd left her office uncertain how to waste some time. Shed come to Tool because she didn't want to go home. And she'd assured her parents this morning they could spend the day with Charlotte again so she knew they weren't there either. And she didn't want to go to Liam's either.<p>

She was starting to come to grips with things. This morning had been easier than the day before. She still felt the hollow achy feeling in her stomach and the memories still came but they didn't feel nearly a poignant as they had the day before.

When she'd met up with Toll yesterday he had just been getting back from the gym. She couldn't help but wonder what he'd been doing at the gym that left that red mark under his left eye. Her very next thought was about his bruised rib, but the look in his eyes kept her silent. She had no doubt whatever he'd been doing exactly had been to release some of his own anger so she just followed him to his house and waited while he showered. Then he'd taken her to lunch. She really wasn't hungry, but she'd gone because she knew it was important to him.

For all of her determination being close to him still made her feel more at peace and soothed some of the rawness left over from the day. That was until she'd realized how upset he still was. To his credit, he'd tried to hide it and had done a good job until Mac happened glance at him when his guard down. But it was there and it bothered her. Last night she'd taken the sleeping pills again and as she lay in bed waiting for them to kick in, it wasn't Neal that plagued her thoughts so much as Toll. The bother that she felt turned to worry.

Shoving the thoughts off, she climbed out of her jeep and looked at Tools shop she found herself mildly curious over why his tattoo parlor was housed in an industrial warehouse, it seemed like a ridiculous amount space to house only a tattoo parlor and an apartment. All be it a spacious apartment.

Tool was on one of the computers in the makeshift room, immediately behind the parlor itself when he heard the door open and the bell ding. He couldn't help but be surprised by the person standing in the shop when he stepped into the doorway from the back room.

"If it isn't my friend, Mac." He announced in a friendly tone as a surprised smile slid across his lips.

"Yeah, it's me." She replied, feeling a little awkward. Did she really know this man well enough for an impromptu visit? She asked herself. Immediately reminding herself, He told Toll to tell her to stop by, but still now that she was here she felt uncertain. His warm smile broadened at her reply, the action putting her uncertainty to rest. "If you're looking for Toll Road you missed him." Mac smiled, she hadn't even been aware Toll was here this morning.

"No. Toll gave me my jacket and I wanted to say thanks." The last coming out awkwardly.

It took Tool a few seconds to respond. Finding himself uncertain what to say. In the end he just nodded his head and offered, "sit down and stay awhile" as he sat down on the stool in front of his mirrored work station and asked "What can I do for you today, darling?"

"Nothing really," she replied, as she took a seat in a nearby chair, her eyes traveling around the room for a moment.

Watching her thoughtfully, he said. "Well, kid my doors always open to a pretty young woman such as yourself."

Smiling again faintly at his comment, the old flirt. "Did you paint all these?" She asked, her eyes, leaving Tool and traveling around the parlor, her eyes alighting on a vaguely nautical sketch of a half-naked woman in a frame on the wall close to the mirror behind him. "Yup." He replied, following her gaze.

"You're really talented." The comment quickly followed with a question. "Did you do Tolls tattoos?" She asked curiously, remembering the odd skull and raven tattoo he shared with his friends and the fleur de lis on his opposite forearm, whoever had done them had skill.

"Yes, I did." Tool replied and she thought for a moment about asking if he knew the origin of the skull and raven design, but he interrupted her thoughts when he asked, "what about you? Do you have any?"

"Tattoos? No. I've thought about it a couple times, but never long enough to get one." She answered and shook her head.

"Well, we could fix that if you wanted?" He offered, a smile in his eyes.

"No, if I don't have one by this point in my life I don't need one." She replied, holding his gaze.

After a pause, he asked "So how are you doing?" Mac knew it wasn't a general question. He'd seen her in one of the worst moment of this ordeal. After a pause, she answered, "I think I'm getting there. I have my moments."

"Well, sometimes that's the best you can do." Tool offered and Mac nodded. "Toll Roads taking good care of you?" He then asked, a slightly mischievous twinkle in his eyes. The look wasn't lost on Mac. Him mentioning Toll at this moment made the worry she had over him blaming himself come to mind and she heard herself saying, "He's so worried. He blames himself. I know he does. I'm the one that shot him."

Tool nodded, he could see that he suspected it himself. And he felt certain her shooting Neal was part of the problem. "I've given him plenty of reason to worry though. I haven't handled any of it well," she went on. Tool leaned back in his chair watching her closely.

"I wouldn't expect you to. It will get easier, but it might take a while. Death is an ugly thing, especially if you're the one responsible."

When she didn't respond, he continued. "I was drafted and through basic and on my way Nam before I was nineteen. I wasn't prepared, I don't think that you can be. And Toll Roads been through it himself." He said, referring to Tolls military career. "Any man would feel guilty, feel like he could have done something." Tool knew what he said wasn't the whole story, Toll thought he'd protected her. Now Toll would hold himself more responsible for it. Tool had never experienced that kind of guilt himself, but he was certain it would tear at a person. It was a bad situation; bad for the both of them. He couldn't even imagine what Toll must feel knowing he'd thought he protected Mac and then coming home to what he came home to. It would be hard enough for a man that didn't over think everything.

"It's not his fault. He.. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine." Mac said, holding Tools gaze.

"I can't see how it's your fault Mac."

"I could have called the cops the first time or the second. But I didn't." She paused, "there's so much I could have done differently."

"In my experience when you look back there's always a better path you could have taken. That same experience has shown me it's wise not spend too much time thinking how different things could have been if you just handled differently." She knew he was right. She'd heard basically the something all throughout her life. But unfortunately, sometimes thing were easier said than done. It was even harder when she thought about Neal's parents. "I go to court on Monday... Neal's parents will be there." She trailed off with a shake of her head. "I can't imagine how they feel. And now Toll.. And I don't want him to feel..." Tool studied her down turned face thoughtfully.

Uncertain what to say to her, he decided to go with, "He cares about you, Mac. And he'll be alright, you need to worry about yourself." In all honesty Tool thought it was way beyond simply caring for her. He was also fairly certain the same could be said for her.

A few minutes later, the front door opened and Toll, Barney and Lee walked in and ended Mac and Tools conversation. Macs cheeks instantly reddened as her gaze met Tolls, he gave her a searching look for a moment then walked toward her.

When Toll had turned onto the end of the street and he'd seen Macs jeep sitting in front of Tools he'd grown nervous quickly. He was dropping Barney and Lee off, then planned to go see her. He hadn't expected to find her at Tools, for a moment he questioned why she was here. Then he quickly reminded himself, he'd just told her yesterday Tool wanted her to stop by. But he hadn't expected it to happen so quickly. And given that they'd just gotten back from picking up explosives and taking the stuff to hangar, it made him feel uncertain. He tried to rationalize with himself that it wasn't a big deal, but as he walked inside, he still felt like he'd done something wrong. It was the guilt a kid would feel, when they thought they'd been caught doing something wrong. And it didn't help that the awkward moment was taking place in front of Barney, Lee and Tool.

Tool spoke up and broke the tension, "I was trying to talk your women into letting me give her some ink, but she didn't like the idea."

"No?" Toll asked, his eyes still holding Macs. Mac smiled faintly, then turned her gaze toward tool. Giving him a thankful smile, she had felt rather awkward the moment Toll and the others walked in. She didn't know that Toll would appreciate her discussing his behavior with Tool and she hadn't intended to. It just happened.

When her gaze made its return trip to Toll her eyes met Barney's and paused for a moment. As always, his gaze reveled nothing he might be thinking. Shuttered and hard, she found herself wondering if he was just naturally unfriendly? Macs gaze left him and returned to Tool as he said, "I'll talk her into it."

"Don't count on it." Mac said, unconvinced.

"I could give you a pretty little rose or a butterfly." Tool said undeterred.

Macs eyes narrowed, "yeah, no."

"Smart, don't let him anywhere near you with a needle." Lee said seriously. His tone confusing Mac till she met his gaze and saw the amused look he gave her. "He isn't very good." He added teasingly and Mac felt herself smile fully.

Macs gaze traveled from Lee back to Toll as she listened to Tool sputter for a moment. Their gazes held and Toll moved closer.

Toll only partially listened to the argument going on between Lee and Tool about Tool's artistic ability. He couldn't help but be a little anxious. Even though he knew she'd never know what he had done unless he told her, but he still felt the need to get her out of there. "You're done work?" He questioned, watching her closely for any sign that she might suspect. He knew it was impossible that she would. Tool gave a retort he only partially heard. "Yes," Mac answered, and color spread across her cheeks. The sight of it made his chest tighten. "I thought I'd come say hi and waste sometime while I waited for you." She offered as an explanation, uncertain why she felt she needed one. Well, that wasn't exactly true, it was the way he watched her, like usual, it put her at a loss. He didn't reply, just finished his approach, his unease subsiding some.

He was going to ask if she wanted to go eat, but Tool spoke to her again, drawing her attention away from him. So Toll grabbed a chair and sat down close at hand and listened to the conversation. His first instinct was still to get her out of here and away from any reminder of what he'd been doing while she sat here and talked with Tool. But he ignored it. She seemed slightly better today than she had yesterday and right now giving her the opportunity to be normal was more important than his own discomfort. He was also aware that he hadn't been the best companion for her yesterday after they'd met up. Even though he'd spent an hour at the gym sparring. He was too angry with himself and she'd spent most of the evening putting on a brave face for his benefit, a fact of which he was only to aware. He'd tried to pretend he was fine, but in the end it hadn't worked and she'd seen through it. She didn't comment, but he'd known. After another nearly sleepless night of tossing and turning he'd known he needed to get himself in check.

Mac noticed Barney's odd behavior a few more times. He was polite enough, commenting when he needed to and even smiling when the others did. But when that smile was because of something she said, it reminded her of her father talking about people who smiled through their teeth. Admittedly, she'd respond to people that way herself in the past, when dealing with someone she didn't care for but had to put up with. And it wasn't the first time she'd noticed it or felt she was under a microscope when he was near. But the other times she paid little attention. This time without the rest of the guys and alcohol to liven things up, she was more aware of his looks. She ignored him for the most part, turning his own behavior back on him. Not because she held any dislike for the man, but because his heavy regard made her slightly uncomfortable.

* * *

><p>The rest of the week passed quickly and daily she had gotten better. Her conversation with Tool although it had been brief had helped her. The memories and guilt stayed with her, but she was finding it easier to cope with everything. But by Friday the constant influx of well-meaning people who seemed to want to drop in. Like Liam and Beth, Jake, Tess and her parents was getting to her. She met with her lawyer twice more this week, on Wednesday it hadn't bothered her so much, but to day it added to the growing anxiety she'd felt since she woke up.<p>

And she'd found the only place she wanted to be at this moment was right where she was, alone except for Toll Road and curled up on his couch with him. She needed this, she found herself thinking about Shelly off and on all day. It was something she tried in large part to ignore most of the week. But just the thought of the women made the nausea and panic come back and the anxiety worsen. She was determined however to not let it overwhelm her.

Toll didn't pay much attention at all to the television. Focusing instead on the woman he held, with her back, tucked against his chest, her head resting against his shoulder. His arm wrapped loosely around her. He knew the busy week was wearing on her and now that her court date was almost here, she wasn't dealing with things well. He hadn't been away from her much this week. Braving the social awkwardness of her family and a few of her friends. He must admit he was glad to be alone with her, in ways he needed it maybe as much as she did.

He'd managed to get hold of his anger after he'd seen that look in her eyes on Tuesday, the one that said maybe he wasn't doing as good of a job hiding his emotions as he'd hoped. When they'd parted company that night she'd hugged him tightly and assured him she was alright. That had made him feel like a self-centered jerk. He was supposed to be worrying about her, not making her worry about him. The next day as people started coming around, he could see the concerned people stopping by bothered her. By that point he'd been determined to control his own emotions so he forced his own self loathing away and did what he thought she needed him to do.

"Let's go somewhere tomorrow?" He suggested softly, the tenor of his voice as he made the suggestion chased away some of the troubling thoughts plaguing her, distracting her, as a soft smile crept onto her face.

Lifting her head, she craned her neck so she could see his face and asked, "where did you have in mind?"

"We'll figure it out tomorrow." He offered gently, watching her soft bewitching smile grow slightly wider. The idea of having a day with just him was not surprisingly, extremely appealing. "Unless you have a place you'd like to go?" He questioned, his eyes traveling over her face. "No," she replied as his gaze met hers once more. She knew she'd be happy to go wherever they ended up. Her eyes held his a moment more, then she turned her head again. Well, that wasn't exactly true, she thought, as she settled her head against his shoulder again and he placed his chin atop of her head. "I wish we could go to Tennessee." She said wishfully, feeling his chin move against the top of her head as he spoke, "We don't have time for that sweetheart." He answered, wishing they did. She knew they didn't, but the closer it got to her court date the more she longed to run away. Her stomach began to turn at the idea of what Monday meant. She took a deep breath and thought instead about when he'd gone to Tennessee rock climbing and how much she wanted to be there with him. "I wanted to go with you." She confessed, her voice a whisper. Tolls arms tightened around her in response he knew what she meant. But she couldn't possibly understand how badly he'd wanted it also. He'd made the plan as a way to get away from what he thought was unreciprocated feelings. His mind drifting back to when Caesar had teased her that night, toll had waited, wanting her to give some indication that's what she'd wanted. He took a deep breath and found himself, saying honestly, "I would have liked that."

Mac wasn't certain why his honesty affected her the way it did. She asked her next question not because it needed answering, but because she wanted to know or she wanted to hear him say it. "If I had told you, would you have taken me?" She didn't move or try to lift her head, she felt stupidly on edge as she waited.

"Yes," he answered, his voice coming from deep in his chest. His simple one word answer made her body fill with warmth or her heartbeat pick up. What he offered next he would later realize wasn't the most intelligent offer, but he couldn't help it. "When this all over, I'll take you if you want?" She moved away from him, turning her body on the sofa so they faced one another. A soft smile played about her lips and in her eyes.

"Where will we stay?" She asked as red stole across her cheeks and stained her skin, darkening the faint blush she already wore. The idea of being alone with him, just him, for several days made her stomach flutter.

"At the lodge I usually stay at." Toll answered, his body responded as her blush deepened and her gaze dropped from his. "Is that alright?" He heard himself ask as her eyes traveled back to his. Admittedly, the question was rather a stupid one. Her reaction itself was answer enough. But in general with her and especially when she acted like this he seemed to lose his wits.

"Yes," she answered, shyly. Her reply made his heart beat speed up more and tenderness weave its way through him.


	41. Chapter 40

Mac snuggled closer against Toll chest as she watched the ending credits of the movie light the screen. As usual, she felt reluctant to leave him. A soft smile played about her lips and she felt his arms tighten around her slightly. For a moment Mac returned the gesture than reluctantly untangled her arms from about his waist and sat up, missing the warmth of his body the moment she left it. She reminded herself she had him all to herself tomorrow. The knowledge made her stupidly happy, but still her greedy mind wasn't content. It though she should to be with him all the time. Her smile broadened ever so slightly as her eyes travelled slowly up his broad chest.

Tolls watched her after she'd pulled back and her eyes started traveling up his body. Her gaze twinkled slightly and her soft smile now seemed to be a secretive little smirk. He was glad to see it, earlier, she'd been weary and anxious, now she appeared happy. Her eyes came to his suddenly and he found himself returning her contented smile, with a tender one of his own, he reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. His hand dropped away and slid down her shoulder and arm all the way to where her elbow rested against her thigh, there he left it resting, his fingers playing against the sensitive skin on the back of her arm, just above her elbow.

"It's late," Mac began, her eyes leaving his and drifting to his lips as she continued. "I should probably go home." Before Toll could make any response Macs asked, "so what time will we leave tomorrow?"

He looked away for a moment his brow furrowed, Mac felt her smile broaden fully she loved the look he had on his face at the moment. It was his thinking look, his brows drew together and his gaze became serious. And at the moment it nearly made her giggle, because she knew the question was a simple one. Certainly not a subject that required that degree of contemplation. "We should probably get on the road around seven," he answered as his eyes came back to her. Toll paused a moment when he saw her amused expression, his eyes focused on her smile for a minute. He hadn't seen that look much lately and he was glad it was back, but he still wondered what she found so amusing. Then decided he most likely didn't want to know.

"Alright," Mac replied, her gaze dropping to his lips. She leaned into him and brushed her lips against his softly, then pulled back and opened her eyes, meeting his gaze as she said, "then I better go home."

Toll nodded his head after she spoke, his eyes drifting to her lips. He'd let her go in a few minutes, right now he wanted to feel her lips again. It was something he hadn't done much this week and he missed it. They'd spent so much time with her family and friends and he hadn't done more than steel a few kisses. Mostly on her porch before he'd gone home at night, and those had been brief encounters, he'd been all too aware of her parents just inside the door. The feel of her tender kiss of moments ago made him want a better taste. He leaned closer meeting her gaze briefly, as usual, his body responded to the soft look in her eyes and the blush that stole across her skin, his gaze dropped back to her lips.

His eyes drifted shut as his lips touched hers, she quickly returned the kiss, her hands moved between them, he felt her fingers take hold on his shirt at the waist and felt her knuckles brush his lower abs through the thin material of his shirt. His muscles dancing at the contact. A soft breathy noise escaped her soft, lips and he deepened the kiss slightly as she shifted closer.

When he pulled back a minute later, they still sat in the same position they'd started in. Tenderness filled him as she opened her eyes and met his gaze, her eyes quickly left his and darted to his lips for a moment as she made a soft noise. Her bewitching tender gaze came back to his quickly as the faint blush she wore deepened and Tolls heart tightened around itself. "I'll walk you home," he offered gently, knowing now was the time.

* * *

><p>Mac paused a moment before she stepped inside her house, letting the chilly night air cool her still heated skin. Even given the late hour one of her parents was still up, the house lay in darkness, but she could hear the tv and see the flicker of light it created around the blinds in the living room window. She stepped inside, closing the door softly and found her father sitting on the sectional, his gaze on her, a smile on his face.<p>

Mac smiled in return and bent down to untie her shoes, then wandered closer curious, to see what he was watching that kept him up this late. Currently the only thing on the television was a commercial. Her gaze travelled back to her father, who was watching her a smile still on his face. "What are you watching?" She asked.

"The Good The Bad And The Ugly." He announced, Mac smile brightened and she laughed softly. She should have known, her father loved spaghetti westerns this one in particular was his favorite. He fit snugly into that cliché group of older men who'd grown up watching Clint Eastwood at his finest and had remained a loyal fan throughout their life. Subsequently, he'd shared or tried to share his love with both Mac and Liam when they were children. It was a love Liam didn't reciprocate, he hated these movies, but Mac found them amusing. Well, this one anyway. There were others she actually liked The Outlaw Josey Wales and Grand Torino. As for the other movies Eastwood made and she watched with her father, she'd continued to watch them on occasion after she'd left home. They reminded her of when she'd been a happy child and loved spending every possible moment she could with her dad.

The commercial ended and Douglas's attention returned to the television, quickly becoming as absorbed in the movie as if it was the first time he'd watched it. And Mac watched him amusedly, the only indication that he was even aware that she was still in the room was him lifting his arm and his gaze turning expectantly toward her for a second. Mac chuckled softly and said "I'll be right back." Then hurried off to the kitchen to get a glass of water and make a quick stop at the linen closet under the stairs to grab a quilt.

Mac spent the next hour and forty-five minutes curled up on the couch beside her father, covered up under a heavy old quilt, eating sweet tarts and watching the movie.

"I haven't watched that movie in a long time." Mac said after it ended. She sat up and stretched her arms over her head, her attention going to dad. "How many times do you think you've watched it?" She asked, curiously, as her arms dropped back to her sides. "You sound like your mother." Douglas replied, accusingly. "There's just no accounting for taste around here." He offered next rather dramatically.

Mac smiled, her eyes twinkling as she held his gaze. Her mother had always given him a hard time about his Clint Eastwood movies. Mac could understand it though, she thought wryly. The westerns didn't annoy her like they did her mom, but it didn't stop there, her father loved them all. Dirty Harry. Thunderbolt and Light Foot. Escape From Alcatraz. Where Eagles Dare. And the list went on and on and on. He'd also quoted the movies when Mac was a kid things like, 'well do ya wanna, punk.' And 'if you want a guarantee buy a toaster.' That she felt certain he did just to annoy her mom and it worked, the memory making her want to laugh. Her mom had always preferred John Wayne, a preference Mac could really understand. She'd read True Grit in book form several times as a teenager and even wrote a book report on it and she loved the original movie. And there was the added extra of John Wayne's movies having more substance than Clint Eastwood's earlier work. But she always kept it to herself. Her father liked John Wayne also, but it had always given him something to argue about with her mom. 'Who's the better cowboy?' Her father found great pleasure in ruffling her mothers tail feather's.

"We could watch a fist full of dollars," her father interjected into her thoughts, then explained, "it comes on next."

"As much as I'd love too dad. I have plans tomorrow." She really would. She liked the closeness it gave her with her dad, but she needed to get at least some sleep.

"Oh really?" He asked.

"Yeah, Toll and I are going away." She answered.

* * *

><p>Saturday morning Mac woke around six. Instantly nausea cramped her stomach and for just a moment panic threatened. She sat up on the bed, refusing to allow it to take hold. By the time she'd finally gotten to bed, she hadn't taken her sleeping pills last night, she'd been afraid after staying up so late with her dad, if she did she wouldn't be up when Toll arrived. She'd managed to get some sleep, but she'd awoken a couple times, dreaming about everything. They weren't really nightmares just strange collections of images of Neal's parents and Neal himself, they'd left her with that hollow achy feeling in her stomach.<p>

Absentmindedly, she reached up and rubbed her tired eyes and looked around her room. Her gaze alighting on Goose, who had sat up on the bed and now watched her. She reached out and scratched his head and took a deep breath. Calming herself was slightly more difficult today than yesterday. Day by day over the last week things had become easier to deal with. Largely because she refused the panic any avenue back into her life. However, her strange dreams last night and knowing she could see Neal's parents in just the matter of two days, just a little over forty-eight hours made the tide of emotions threaten her again. She reached out and turned on the lamp that sat on the nightstand and swung her legs over the edge of the bed then sat there thinking.

She hadn't allowed herself to think about Shelly and Kevrin much this week, but the closer it got to Monday the more difficult it became. She didn't know how she was supposed to look them in the eyes and tell them and a courtroom full of people the horrible events of that night. That was if they were there. The cowardly part of Mac hoped they didn't come.. She wondered for a moment if they would, she knew it was unwise to speculate even before anxiety tightened her stomach, but at this moment her mind seemed determined to think about it. Part of her knew as painful as this was going to be, whether his parents were there or not, at least once Monday had come and gone that part would be over. She didn't kid herself into thinking once Monday was over, everything, all the confusing emotions she felt would magically disappear, they would always be with her.

But the last week showed her, it could get better and it would with every passing day. Right now she just wanted to start moving forward. Unfortunately, that thought made her feel selfish and guilty. Because of Neal's actions and what Mac herself had done, his parents would never have the opportunity to see their only child marry or have grandchildren.

Despite her conversation with Tool and him telling her it was best not to look back it was hard. Part of her wished and most likely always would, that she could have done something, anything to change that night. The motivation behind those thoughts wasn't purely for the benefit of Neal's parents either or herself. There was Toll and the guilt he tried to keep hidden. Really, there wasn't much she wouldn't give to change it all. She knew that even though she Tool was right. Mac sighed forcing herself off her current train of thoughts. Knowing it could easily cast a shadow on the day ahead. She stood and walked toward her bathroom.

* * *

><p>Maggie was busy as she always was this time in the morning getting breakfast when Mac walked into the kitchen. She looked at Mac and smiled, noticing Mac was showered and dressed which was odd before breakfast and looking a little tired. Mac smiled in return and approached the island leaning on her elbows against its granite top. "Dad was up all night watching his old pal Clint." Mac offered, an amused expression on her face as she held her moms gaze.<p>

Maggie nodded and sighed, saying, "ah yes, I know." Her attention going back to what she was doing.

"I went to bed around 12:45 and he had just started watching another movie." Mac said and yawned. Then added, "Toll and I are going away for the day," Maggie smiled faintly, glad to hear it as her attention came back to Mac. Yesterday the strain of the week had started to wear on Mac, Maggie had seen it even before Mac had disappeared last night and gone to Tolls. She could still see it lingering there this morning. Maggie had hoped he'd decide to keep Mac occupied today. Not that she wouldn't try herself, but she knew the quiet man's company was what Mac wanted. There was little doubt in Maggie's mind the next few days were going to hard for Mac. "That's good. Where are you going?" Maggie asked.

"I don't know." Mac said and shrugged her shoulders.

"Is it a surprise then?" Maggie asked next, smiling.

"No. At least I don't think so. We're just going to figure it out I guess." Mac explained.

"He's good to you." Maggie said and watched as a faint blush stained Mac's skin.

"I know," Mac answered, her voice soft.

Maggie's smile turned to one of amusement, her daughter had a habit of blushing when Toll was near and at certain times when his name was mentioned. The way he watched Mac and looked at her sometimes Maggie was certain could make any women blush. Not that there was anything particularly naughty about his gaze, you could just see how much he cared for her. But it wasn't just that, it was how gentle, actually tender, tender was a much better word to describe how he was with her. And Maggie knew that was the reason for Macs blushes and shyness to do with him. And she also knew that was at least part of the reason her daughter was falling in love.

Maggie's thoughts continued as she turned her attention back to the stove and she asked, "Is he eating with us this morning?"

"I don't know, I'll call him," Mac replied as she pulled her phone from her back pocket and dialed his number, walking away towards the kitchen doorway and across the hall into her home office. Maggie couldn't hear what Mac said, her tone was low and hushed. But she saw the soft happy smile that slid across her daughters face. Her attention shifting to Douglas as he walked into the room and walked over giving her a soft kiss and saying "good morning, woman." Then he sat down at the island and awaited his food. Maggie watched him, noting his tired demeanor and asked dryly, "how was Clint last night?"

Mac walked back into the kitchen, drawing their attention, he held his arm out and Mac walked closer, sitting down on a stool beside him and resting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her waist. "He was good, just ask my daughter." He replied, conspiratorially.

Mac looked between her father and mother smiling and said off the subject, "We're going to eat once we're on the road."

* * *

><p>Having decided to paint Macs office for her, Douglas made his way to the garage in search of a tarp and a ladder after Mac left, pondering what he knew and didn't know about the man who had just driven off with his daughter. Maggie had suggested earlier this week that if he wanted to know more about what Toll did to ask him, but he didn't ask the man himself. He was going to the next night, but Jake had shown up. It was no secret Douglas didn't care for the Jake, he never had. In Douglas's personal opinion Jake wasn't the type of friend that brought out the best in his daughter. Instead of settling down, she'd been out running about, doing what young people did these days, drinking, partying and being irresponsible. That wasn't to say he blamed all Macs reckless behavior on Jake, he'd just always felt Mac would do better with a more grounded companion. Any sensor on Douglas's part made it worse. After a time his condemnation of their friendship had caused the rift between Mac and himself to grow bigger. Since she became a teenager, he'd never known how to communicate with her, everything he wanted her to do she'd done the complete opposite. It hadn't mattered what it was. From everyday little things to big life decisions. Like culinary school. At the time he'd seen it as a choice that would never take her anywhere in life. In that area, she'd proven him wrong while Jake was still a constant in her life.<p>

After he reached the garage and commenced his search for what he needed he continued to think about Mac. Douglas was afraid that rift was at least part of the reason why she hadn't told them anything about Neal. His own daughter didn't trust him enough to come to him when she needed him most. And it had made him question his own behavior. Maggie had tried several times since the truth came out to assure him that wasn't it at all, Mac was a private person. However true that may be, Douglas didn't believe that was the only reason Mac hadn't told them.

For years he'd told himself he'd only ever wanted what every father wanted for their child. To know she was safe and taken care of. But now he saw it for what it was, just a hollow justification for his own behavior. A better man would have shown his support and hoped for the best. Offering guidance when needed.

That was the main reason he had decided to give Garrett a chance. The age thing bothered him far more than he had let on, but he'd chosen to focus on other things about the man, like the way he treated Mac and the obvious feelings Mac had for him. And he'd found he did like him. He was a little awkward sometimes, but he was a likable and knowledgeable man. And in Douglas's opinion, far better for his daughter than Jake had ever been. So when Jake arrived that night Douglas dismissed asking Toll any questions, he'd been curious to see if the Jake would overstep the boundaries Macs relationship with Toll put in place so he'd sat back and observed more than anything. Surprisingly, Jake hadn't. Not one drunken story, not one inappropriate comment. After Jake left that night Douglas wondered, rather wryly, if Jake behaved because of Garrett's intimidating demeanor or a new-found sense of respect for his daughter.

Mac had stayed up working on her books after everyone had left and Maggie and himself had gone to bed that night. Douglas hadn't been able to get comfortable, so he'd eventually given up on sleep and went downstairs and found Mac dishing herself up a plate of leftover apple pie. He'd smiled, his daughter had always loved pie. Most children wanted cake and cookies to snack on, but not Mac. She'd looked up and seen him there, smiled and asked if he wanted some. He'd shared many a late night snack of pie with her when she was a child. As they'd sat down at the island and Douglas had asked how she was doing?

He knew she appeared to be getting better, but he'd also heard her call earlier and cancel an appointment with her therapist. He wasn't one for _talking_ to others about his problems, but he'd could see it would help her in this instance. Unfortunately, he was afraid his daughter had adopted his views on therapists. She didn't feel there was anything she couldn't handle. Everything was mind over matter. "I'm alright," shed answered, after a moment.

Douglas had almost decided to drop it for the moment, he hadn't wanted to upset her and he didn't know how to approach it. But he didn't agree with Maggie's kid glove approach to dealing with Mac, in the long run that wouldn't help her at all. Most of the events of that night were still unclear, he'd known she opened up to Toll, Maggie had told him that much and the parts she'd overheard, but he'd known he couldn't drop it entirely. So he'd asked, "is the therapist helping?" She'd grown very still her fork pausing in the air and her gaze dropped. "I don't like him." She'd admitted as her shadowed gaze came back to him. He'd nodded and held her gaze and offered, "then maybe you should find another one?" She hadn't had much to say really, just went about finishing her snack and saying "I guess."

He'd could see she didn't want to talk about so he let it be and started a new conversation instead. Asking, about her hunting trip a while back with her brother and the deer she'd killed. Toll came up in the course of conversation. He couldn't help but notice the softer quality about her the minute the mans name entered their conversation.

She told him how she met Garrett and a little about how they ended up together. His mind had drifted back to his curiosity about Toll's work he'd asked. "So what is it he does again?"

Mac had explained as best she could. Saying he worked in some type of retrieval business that took him all over the world and that he couldn't talk about a lot of it with her. Douglas didn't like the fact that the man had changed his story when Mac asked again. Either way you looked at it import business or retrieval business it was all a little cloak and dagger in his opinion, but he'd let it go, not wanting to upset Mac. He did however bring it up with Maggie the next morning and she'd said to leave it be. Like his daughter his wife was a bit too trusting sometimes. It wasn't that he worried that anything bad would happen to Mac he just didn't like the secrecy. But he decided to let it go.

* * *

><p>Mac wandered through the second-hand bookstore they'd found in a Biloxi, Mississippi amid the buildings that made up the city's old town district. She hadn't spent much time in libraries or book store since her school days, she'd forgotten the way they smelled. She'd always liked it. This one was no different. The scent of the books themselves, linseed oil and beeswax hung heavy in the air and Mac breathed it deeply. A soft smile whispering across her face as she thought about Toll Road, he'd managed again in his own quiet way to give her exactly what she needed. He'd helped her to feel normal and keep the anxiety she'd felt this morning upon waking at bay.<p>

After they'd entered the store, she left Toll to explore the place on her own. As she'd wandered from room to room, she'd made a couple selections of her own, she'd read a lot when she was a child and in school, but it was something she did rarely now that she was an adult. She never really felt she had the time, but that was only because she didn't make the time. The smile she wore brightened some as she curiously wondered what Toll would think of her own selections. The Witch Of Blackbird Pond and A Catcher In The Rye. The first she'd doubted he'd ever read and momentarily wondered if he'd think it a silly choice.

They'd eaten lunch at a shore side restaurant in the water district and Toll had asked if she wanted to explore the old town portion of town after they left the restaurant. Mac liked exploring the oldest parts of the cities she happened into so shed readily agreed. Generally they were full of hidden treasures and whimsical shops and she loved the idea of seeing this new place with him. The grandeur of this old southern city was evident in stately buildings with their old brick facades, and its cobbled streets. When they'd happened across the bookstore, she'd asked if he wanted to go in, he'd appeared surprised and almost hesitant. Like he wasn't certain if she'd really want to go inside. His reaction made the fluttering in her stomach worse, brought on by today's attentive actions. She had found herself wondering as they walked inside if he had any idea how he made her feel. But she knew he didn't.

The store was housed in a hundred year old red brick structure that had once housed a Catholic school. The rooms of the two-story edifice no longer housed rows of children's desk, but instead tall wooden bookcases, all filled with books, new and old alike. Long heavy plank tables like you'd find in libraries, lined the open spaces. The shiny patina of the time worn tables lending an ambiance of years past to place and Mac momentarily wondered if they had always resided in this building.

She'd woken up anxious this morning over the events looming in the near future, admittedly she'd had a hard time pushing her anxiety away. That was until shortly after he arrived at her house. When she'd asked the silly man if he had decided where they were going he had just given her a mischievous smile. Once they reached his truck and were both inside, he'd told her to pick a direction. She'd been confused by his question, noting the slight twinkle in his eyes, then he explained 'you know, north, south, east, west.' She'd chosen east and here she was in this quiet calm place that seemed to suit the man so much. Well, maybe to those that knew him, the place would suit him. To anyone else his large muscled presence might seem out of place.

His years of reading made conversing with him interesting, not that that was the only reason she enjoyed it. But his extensive reading and traveling gave him knowledge. He seemed to know a little something about everything, she mused, a wry smile playing about her lips. It was something she loved about him and was certain her father had noticed this week also.

Toll picked up the books he selected and stood up from the chair he'd sat down on, feeling foolish, he'd lost track of time. He was certain the last thing Mac wanted to do was spend hours in this place waiting on him and they'd been here for an hour now.

When he found her, she was sitting on a stool flipping through the pages of a book contentedly. For a moment he just watched her, and felt that familiar pressure spread through his chest. He'd suggested they get away today to help her, in hopes of helping her find some balance and keeping her distracted so far it had worked. A slight smile crept onto his face as he continued to watch her thinking about when he'd told her to choose a direction this morning. She'd been intrigued and the whole plan had worked, the further away from New Orleans they got the easier she'd seemed. He'd told her to pick a direction because more often than not, when he asked her where she wanted to go she answered 'wherever you want to go.' He decided that simply asking her to choose a direction took the pressure off, it didn't matter how much time they spent together he was always uncertain if she'd like what he chose and if they did it this way it was more of an adventure. They'd left her house around seven, stopping a few times before they reached Biloxi. Once to get gas and eat breakfast and the others to explore, it was Mac that asked if they could stop in Biloxi when they saw the sign on the interstate. She looked up at him, pulling him from his thought, a soft smile stole across her face, Toll smiled in return and asked, "are you ready?" His eyes drifted over her face as she answered. "If you are?" She stood and gathered a small stack of books from the shelf behind her, he eyed them curiously wondering what selections she'd made for herself. He'd offered to pay for them with his own, but she wouldn't let him, giving him a funny look and saying 'you've paid for everything so far today, I think I can pay for my own books.'

They spent the remainder of the day exploring Biloxi, the city was rich with history and charm. Toll had taken her wherever she'd wanted to go. Beauvoir, Jefferson Davis's post-Civil-War era home, was a one story structure that sat on stilts, like a lot of the houses in the area and across the road from Biloxi beach. She'd loved it, soaking up what the tour guide had said about the history of the place. Toll had found what the man had to say interesting, but he'd spent most of the time just watching her. The estate wasn't fully open to the public; they were still currently repairing damage left by Hurricane Katrina. He made a mental note to bring her back when the work was completed. From there, they explored the beach and a flea market. As the afternoon wore on and turned into evening, he could see her stress coming back.

* * *

><p>Mac walked out of the truck stop bathroom and headed back through the store toward the restaurant. Her stomach was determined to remind her of the worries she'd left behind this morning at this moment. This day had been amazing and for most of it, she'd forgotten everything, but now that it was time to go home... She wasn't… She just didn't know. Taking a deep breath and shoving the anxiousness away, she reached up and tucked the wisps of hair that had worked loose from her off center braid behind her ears. Her mind drifted to the man waiting for her in the restaurant. Toll had suggested they eat before they head home and while she didn't have an appetite, she jumped at the opportunity to postpone the drive back to New Orléans. Part of her wished she could stay here, not go home. She knew it wouldn't change things, everything would still be there waiting and that was why she wanted to stay.<p>

She wouldn't give this day up for anything but the problem with escaping reality was, it was still there when you got back. And going back to her reality wasn't in the least appealing. The thought of tomorrow felt daunting, in her mind the day seemed to loom in front of her and she knew unless she kept herself busy shed spend the day an anxious mess. If Toll hadn't whisked her away today; if she'd stayed at home, she thought maybe tomorrow would be easier for her in some ways or so she tried to tell herself. Unfortunately, that whole statement of thought contradicted itself, when moments later the words of her father had often used popped into her head. 'If, is one of those words a truly wise man doesn't use.' Growing irritated with herself, she made herself stop. She knew it would be rough regardless, she was never good at playing the waiting game, she just wanted this over with..

She stepped back into the restaurant, her eyes instantly searching Toll and she paused for a moment, watching him before she approached the table. Only briefly meeting his gaze, she sat down and turned her attention to the food on her plate as Mac picked up her fork and feigned interest in her food. She didn't want him to see what she was feeling. She knew if he did, it would only make him worry more than he already did and that she didn't want. So she pushed the unease and uncertainty she felt to the back of her mind and focused on him. She decided earlier today she wanted to come back to Biloxi when Beauvoir wasn't partly under construction, so she could see the entire place and not just the main house. So, she used that as a talking point to start a conversation.

The waitress came with the check and Toll pulled out his wallet and handed her some money telling her to keep the change. His eyes then moved to Mac. She wasn't looking at him, her gaze focused on the waitresses retreating back. He hated this. Feeling that helpless feeling of guilt start to manifest. He pushed it away. She was trying to act normal, but he knew she wasn't alright, no matter the brave face. She looked up at him smiling faintly, he knew the look was meant to reassure him and he returned it, but only for her benefit. He watched her as she stood, doing the same and asked, "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I guess." She answered, her gaze leaving his as she reached for her jacket and slipped it on.

He didn't know what to do for her, he knew she wasn't ready to go home, she hadn't told him, but he knew and really he didn't blame her. He also knew he should have anticipated this, but he hadn't. "What to do you want to do now?" He asked and waited for her to look at him again, he knew was willing to do whatever she wanted.

Mac wanted to say anything but go home, instead she just shrugged when she looked at him. Toll watched her a moment, his chest tightening. He thought about suggesting a movie or something before they left. But part of him knew that wasn't going to work. Even if she said yes, it would just postpone the inevitable and it really wasn't what she wanted. What she wanted was only postponing it also, but it would potentially make tomorrow easier for her and so he found himself offering. "We don't have to go home Mac. We can stay here." He didn't question the decision, just waited for her to reply.

Mac heard his words and felt relief wash through her, this was what she wanted: a reprieve, a chance to forget, like earlier today. Still, part of her was unsure, she wasn't certain why. After all, he'd just offered her exactly what she wanted. Maybe it was the confusion of her emotions?

She looked up at him, meeting his gaze, the emotions Toll saw there were a mixture of relief and uncertainty. "We can go back tomorrow." He encouraged, his eyes drifting over her face.

"Are you sure?" She asked, drawing his gaze back to hers.

"Yeah," Toll replied and nodded his head. A lump forming in his throat as he watched her. He knew he'd made the right decision when she visibly relaxed and her expression softened.

Mac looked around surprised as Toll pulled into the dimly lit super store parking lot. "I thought you might want to pick some stuff up." He explained as they parked and his gaze turned to her. Mac looked at him and smiled faintly, her eyes drifting to his lips. "Thank you." She said softly, her mind drifting for a moment. Since they'd left the truck stop she'd remained feeling mildly anxious, she couldn't help it, but her mind had stayed focused on the man sitting beside her. Really, she didn't know what she'd have done without him through all of this and what she still faced. Oh, she knew she would be alright, but being with him made it all so much easier to handle. He'd been with her, taking care of her literally. Always there not matter what she needed or wanted. She didn't even have to tell him and he knew. She was coming to realize if either of them was lucky in this relationship it was her, tenderness wove through her and wrapped around her heart.

Toll watched her, knowing he'd give way more than a penny to know what was going on in the beautiful little head of hers. The soft expression on her face in her eyes wreaked havoc on his insides. His mind drifted back to a time when he'd wanted her to always look at him like this and see him as a man. Sometimes it still didn't seem real. He was grateful, he wouldn't give her or the time they'd had together, but he wished there wasn't so much ugliness mixed in with the happiness. He watched as her soft green eyes came back to him and felt the pressure build inside him. A soft smile appeared on her lips as she turned from him and said, "Let's go."

Mac got out of the truck and felt the cool night air engulf her as she walked to the front of the truck and waited for him. She watched him walk toward her, even in the shadowed parking lot she could see the way he looked at her, it made her feel breathless. The slight smile she wore broadened and her chest tightened as something inside her whispered, lucky indeed.


	42. Chapter 41

**Again, I'm apologizing for a long wait. I will try to get the next chapter up quicker. Anyway, I owe some special thanks on this one.**

**Thanks Kendra and Sam for putting up with my whining and complaining, I know I do it lots and you guys are amazing for putting up with me! **

**I also need to warn you all this chapter gets a little smutty! ;-p hope you all enjoy.**

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><p>Tired was how Mac felt as they left the store. It was brought on, no doubt from lack of sleep last night, the activity of the day and her earlier anxiety and now she just felt drained. What she really wanted at this moment was a warm shower and to sleep, curled up next to Toll. After they'd left the store, Mac had watched the scenery roll by for a few minutes. Not really seeing much of it, her thoughts occupied with him. Now she sat with her head reclined against the headrest and she watched the man who had the apparent ability to chase her worries away as he drove them through Biloxi, holding his hand in her, their fingers intertwined. The anxious feeling of earlier still lingered and she expected that it would. But for the now he'd given her a chance to feel that she was in control so to speak. Even if he'd just given her the choice of escaping her reality for a bit longer. The calloused pad of Tolls thumb drew small circles against her palm, the tender gesture caused a tingling sensation to dance across her skin, she found the only thing she wanted to think on was him and the chaos he caused inside her.<p>

At this moment as he drove them down unfamiliar streets. Broken patches of light from street lamps and business fronts they past, illuminated his features, she understood how right her earlier thoughts had been. She was the lucky one. The knowledge seemed to shift through her making a lump form in her throat. Made all the confusing emotions she felt for him stronger.

Toll pushed in the clutch and brake coming to a stop at the traffic light as he turned and looked at her. The look of her made his chest tighten as his gaze wandered over her features, pausing on her full lips and the soft happy smile they wore. He returned it as the tightness in his chest shifted through his body and softened, the sensation made it difficult to breathe. Shed worn this look to some degree since shed gotten out of the truck at the Super Store earlier. Her gaze bewitching and tender and something else he couldn't name. The havoc it had caused inside him initially had stayed with him.

They'd split up when they entered the store both going to get what they needed and he found himself hurrying and anxious to finish up and find her. Part of him sure that look had been his imagination, when he'd found her it was still there reflected in her soft gaze. It made him feel like the only man in the world or the only one in hers. That feeling was a compelling and powerful thing, he stopped toying with the sensative skin of her palm to squeeze her hand gently as his eyes surveyed the rest of her. Shed given him a look once before that affected him similar to this one. The first time he'd gotten back after they'd been together, that look had left him questioning if anyone had ever looked at him like that, with this look he was certain no one ever had. And as unmanly as he knew it may sound to others, it left butterflies in his stomach.

The light turned green, pulling his attention from her and he reluctantly let her hand go. As soon as he was able he returned his hand to hers, interlocking their fingers. The silence surrounding them wove tighter around him, making his chest feel full.

In less than five minutes they were at the hotel. A small, quiet looking place close to the beach and near Beauvoir, Toll asked her where she wanted to stay when they'd left the store and she said someplace quiet. So he'd brought her here rather than one of the bigger places, the sign said motel, but really it was more of an inn. A large old two-story nestled amid a copse of cypress trees. He had suspected she'd like this place better than any of the others they'd passed as they drove through town. And as he parked and looked over at her, she wasn't looking at him, her attention was focused on the building in front of them, the smile on her face told him he'd made the right choice.

Mac turned her attention back scenery surrounding them after he pulled away from the last stop light, growing more curious about where he was taking her as the area became more familiar. She thought they were close to Beauvoir but it was hard to tell after dark. A bright smile appeared on her face the moment he turned into the drive. Shed seen this place earlier today and thought it charming.

"Are you ready to go inside? He asked after he'd parked drawing her attention back to him. Mac didn't answer for a minute, her eyes traveled over his face, then she said, "yes."

* * *

><p>The strange feelings surrounding Toll didn't leave him as he waited to be checked in. If anything, it had intensified. She left him and wandered toward a rack of free brochures, highlighting points of interest in the area. Hed watched as she pulled out her phone and assumed the call she made was to her mom. His gaze had stayed on her, his eyes traveling over her as she picked a few pamphlets while she talked. And it didn't leave him as he unlocked the door and stepped back, his gaze following her as she stepped past him into their room.<p>

She didn't look at him, her focus on the room as she stepped inside. She seemed completely oblivious to his presence as she surveyed their surroundings. He stepped inside, his fingers turned the lock on the handle and he watched her, not bothering to turn around, he pushed the door closed behind him.

The soft click of the door closing brought her attention back to Toll. Her gaze drifted to his lips, lingering for a moment, a soft smile lighting her face. "It's a nice room," she said, her attention leaving him again.

Toll held her gaze for a brief moment. She looked sleepy, the look softened his chest. He watched her eyes drift to his lips as an image of her crawling into bed with him and settling her back against his chest, his arms wrapped securely around her as she slept filled his head. His chest tightened anew. The image added to the strange feelings stirring inside him. He'd felt this way since before they went in the store earlier. He heard her comment and replied, "yeah." Not that he'd paid an attention to the room just yet.

Her eyes left his lips and she looked away without meeting his gaze again and she moved deeper into the room, her gaze taking in their surroundings again. This room was not a run of the mill hotel room. Nor was it fancy. It was meant to be homey and inviting and it didn't miss its mark. The furnishing where antique for the most part, except for the small sofa, club chair and television, that set adjacent to the end of an old iron bed. But right now the only piece of furniture that really drew her interest was the bed. It looked comfortable and inviting, with its turned down covers and plethora of pillows. She knew she could climb right in, clothes and all and fall asleep. Well, maybe if she was lucky, she reminded herself. She didn't have any sleeping pills and that made her somewhat antsy. She didn't do well without them as last night had proved. She shoved all thoughts of the bed and lack of sleep aid aside as she tossed the black tote bag, shed bought on the top of it and moved toward the sofa. Maybe staying here, away from everything would make sleep come easier tonight. But right now she wasn't going to worry about it. First she was going to take a shower, then she intended to curl up with Toll shed worry about sleep or lack of later.

Toll pulled his attention from her moving toward the small round table and chairs that sat near the door. He set the bag down on its top he'd carried inside and shrugged out of his jacket, then his button down shirt. His attention passing over their room, he noted, she was right about the room before his gaze went back to her in time to see her drop her bag on the bed and move toward the sofa.

Mac sat down on the sofa, instantly sinking into the soft cushion then leaned down and unzipped the inside of her boots. Her eyes sought Toll as she finished undressing her feet. He was moving toward her, he'd not only removed his jacket she noted but also his button down shirt. Her eyes traveled up his chest and met his gaze. She paused a moment and felt a faint blush steel across her skin. He was doing it again, giving her a look that left her tongue-tied.

Toll saw the blush as he moved closer. The tightness in his chest worsening.

"What now?" Mac asked, deciding not to be tongue-tied.

"It's up to you." Toll answered, pausing by the couch, still watching her. Glad shed spoken.

"Well." She began, her hands pulling off one dark green sock, "I'm going to take a shower." She continued, taking off the other stocking, dropping it on the ground, "And then _you're_ going to cuddle with me." She finished, her gaze coming back to his. That last part made him smile, he never knew quite what to say when she said things like that to him. He'd been in situations where women had said similar things, but usually it was a request or just happened. He didn't think, however, he'd ever come across anyone that literally told him he was cuddling with them before. It seemed moderately silly that he would just now find one that ordered it at fifty. Chuckling softly, he shook his head. "Oh really?" entertained by her, a doubtful expression on his face.

"Yes." She said, nodding her head, and giving him a look that said that was exactly what he was going to do.

"What if I don't want to?" He asked an entertained grin on his face.

"You have no choice. You said it was up to me." She announced as she stood.

* * *

><p>Toll grabbed one of the books he'd bought from his bag and sat down on the sofa to remove his shoes, smiling faintly. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck tiredly, then yawned, thinking about Mac and waiting for her to get done in the shower so he could take a shower himself. If she let him. He reminded himself. He had the suspicion she wasn't planning on it, at least not right away. His smile broadened slightly, but it didn't really matter if he waited till tomorrow he was just glad that after her earlier anxiety she felt like being playful. Her anxiety like always wore on him. Serving as a reminder of how much of this was his fault. After they'd left the truck stop, even though shed seemed better he'd struggled with it. He stopped his thoughts right there, knowing if he went down that road tonight, she'd know and he didn't want that. He wanted her to stay as she was. Tomorrow and Monday were going to be hard enough for her. He finished removing his shoes, then stood, placing them against the wall beside the television. Then turned and started back to the sofa and noted her boots lying on the floor. He bent down and picked them up placing them neatly beside his. A soft smile slid onto his face as he picked up his book again and sat down on the sofa, leaning his back against the arm then stretched his legs out. His feet hanging off the edge. Hed found while Mac stayed with him, he liked seeing her things around his house.<p>

Mac watched her reflection in the foggy bathroom mirror as she finished braiding her hair, the shower had made her feel better. Clean and relaxed. Shed hoped it would. Slipping the hair tie on to the end of the braid, she turned toward the door. Now she intended to curl up with him. Smiling faintly as she thought about their earlier conversation. Then turned her attention to cleaning up the water she'd gotten on the floor while she was in the shower. Shed always thought showers should have doors for just this reason.

Toll looked up from his book as Mac exited the bathroom, his eyes traveled over her and his breath caught in his throat. Her long damp hair hung in a loose braid over her right shoulder. She wore that soft smile. Her clothe's replaced with a loose pair of blue pajama pants similar to the ones he'd seen her wear before and a gray loose-fitting v neck t-shirt. Her attire wasn't meant to be alluring it was meant to be comfortable, but still coupled with the soft, sleepy look in her eyes, his chest tightened and when her eyes came to his and a faint blush stained her skin, he found himself inarticulate. A voice deep inside him spoke up, whispering, and it's you she wants.

She didn't say anything and neither did he as her gaze left him and she moved toward the table and the bottle of water shed left there. He found he couldn't stop watching her, like usual, fascinated by her. She took a drink, then turned her attention in his general direction and moved toward the TV as she asked "do you mind if I watch something?"

"No." Toll said as her gaze moved back to his. She smiled faintly and grabbed the remote from the tv stand, then started toward him. Toll watched her walk toward him, her eyes traveling down his length and quickly moved to sit up and make room for her, the sound of her soft voice stopped him as her gaze came to his.

"No, stay," she said as he moved to sit up. She met his gaze, her eyes twinkling faintly as she climbed onto the small sofa beside him. Toll smiled as he lifted his arm and watched as she slid her body between his side and the back of the couch, he moved over as much as he could. And she snuggled close to him, her head settling against his chest as her arm slid across his stomach, her hand resting against his side, her leg settled over his thighs. His smile faded and for a moment all he could do was stare as she wiggled around until she was comfortable. When she was all settled in, his arm ended up resting along her back and over her ribs. Tenderness stole through him as she lifted her head and peeked up at him, her gaze dropped to his lips, the tenderness he felt growing, his hand left her waist, coming up to brush a wayward strand of hair from her face as he leaned closer to give her a tender kiss.

The kiss was brief, a simple, gentle brush of his lips, but still the feel of it left Mac breathless. She opened her eyes and met his gaze. And her stomach fluttered, taking a shaky breath, her eyes dropped to his lips again. It still sometimes amazed her how the simplest of gestures from him could make her feel like this. Good lord, you sound like a romance novel, she thought wryly as her gaze left his lips and her head settled back against his chest. At the same time his fingers left her hair and he rested his arm across her ribs again.

Sighing contentedly, Macs gaze wandered around the room, she felt herself smile faintly when she noted he'd placed her boots she so carelessly discarded on the floor in front of the sofa earlier, against the wall by the television. He was always organized, everything in its place a trait Mac lacked outside of her business and her kitchen. Even as upset as she'd been when she stayed with him, shed noted he always placed her thing in a certain spot if she left them lying around. And secretly part of her had liked it even then.

Toll tried to turn his attention back to the book in his hand as his arm tightened around her, but it was hard. The quiet of the room surrounding them and the feel of her warm body pressed against his side, aided his thoughts and added to the air of intimacy. And the way her gaze had fixed on his lips after he'd kissed her. He wanted to kiss her again and would have if her head hadn't settled against his chest again.

As he sat there all he could think about was the her and the way this felt. All of it. He'd missed this type of closeness between them since shed gone home to stay. The ugliness of the reason why she was with him at that time hadn't changed how it had felt. It wove a powerful spell around him then and it did tonight. The memories made his chest tighten anew and his thoughts continued, reminding him that most importantly it felt right. It was that, that made it impossible for him to focus on the book in his hands. That made him want to kiss her again. Made him want to pull her hair from that braid and run his hands through it, his finger twitched in anticipation. He felt his body tighten, as his mind tried to drift further down that path. And then she spoke, interrupting his thoughts. "What are you reading?"

"The Feather Men." He replied, a little surprised by her curiosity, but glad shed spoken before his imagination ran away with its self and watched her lift her head looking up at him.

"What's it about?" She asked, curiously. That was definitly an interesting name, she thought as her gaze shifted from him to the book in his hand and she awaited his reply.

"A sheik with a vendetta against four SAS soldiers that killed his son. It's actually a good book. I've read it before, it's supposedly based on real events." He answered, watching as her gaze came back to him, kind of surprised to see real intrest in her eyes.

"What's SAS?" She asked, next. Her eyes drifting to his lips.

"British special forces." He answered.

"It sounds interesting." Mac offered. Toll felt a slight smile tug at his lips and his hand came back up brushing softly along her temple. "You think so?" He asked.

"I do," she replied, her eyes drifting to his lips. When her gaze came back to his she asked, "are you sure the television won't bother you?"

"It's fine sweetheart." He said softly, watching her attention drop to his lips again. Toll felt the pressure in his chest build as her gaze returned to his then quickly drop back to his lips. Without conscious thought, he leaned closer and she lifted her head angling it to meet his lips. He kissed her softly for a moment and pulled back. She held his gaze for a bit longer then settled back against his chest. Toll settled his arm around her again and turned his attention back to his book.

They lay that way for some time, long enough that the arm Mac had tucked under herself was asleep and she was no longer comfortable, but she made herself stay that way till her aching appendage began to protest loudly and she was forced to pull from his warm drugging embrace. She thought maybe he'd fallen asleep or was close and she didn't want to disturb him, but she didn't have a choice. She shifted slightly and pulled away.

Toll felt her move and let his arms unravel from around her. He'd long ago, put his book down and just contented himself with holding her. His plan of showering himself, had become way less appealing than the alternative. So when the strain of reading without his glasses had made his eyes tired, he closed them wrapped his arms around her and listened to the television. Surprisingly enough, he was nearly asleep when she moved. He opened his eyes to find her gaze on him, she explained softly, "sorry, my arms asleep." Her gaze apologetic as it left him and she pushed herself away, he reached out and placed a steadying hand on her arm and said, "it's alright," as he shifted into a sitting position himself, his hand dropping from her arm.

She looked even more tired now than she had when she'd laid down, it was that wide-eyed tired look people sometimes got and right now she wore it so adorably, it made a faint smile tug at his lips. He continued to watch her as she tucked her legs under her and began rubbing her arm. After a moment his gaze left her and traveled to his watch, they'd laid on the couch a lot longer than he realized, it was nearly ten o'clock.

Mac rubbed the feeling back into her arm, sleepily, as she contemplated the bed, longingly. She was tired and she needed to at least try to get some sleep. As shed laid there snuggled against his chest, her mind had wandered. Traveling over the mess her life had become detached, at first, then for just a moment the anxiety had come back. Shed quickly shoved it away and focused instead on Tolls soothing presence and the warmth of his body. Grateful, she wouldn't have to leave him tonight, shed smiled faintly at the thought and snuggled closer to the warmth of his chest then her mind had begun to contemplate other things.

The quiet of the room and the warmth of his body had a drugging effect. Shed laid there half asleep, listening to the steady beat of his heart, wrapped in the warmth radiating from his body. The memory of a different night filled her head, a night in his bed, the image flashing before her eyes with vivid clarity. His hands on her body, his tender kiss and it had left her breathless and filled her with longing. Other memories had followed that one like crying and other things that had led to that moment. Then shed grown angry. This thing between them should be simple. She shouldn't be spending the night in this place with him because she had panicked at the thought of going home. She should be here with him because they'd just happened to stay. There was so much making her life difficult at present. She just wanted a normal relationship with him. It wasn't fair, specifically not for him. What man wanted to deal with all of this? She knew he would, he'd told her time and again hed help her make it better. She also knew the reason he was here wasn't just because he felt responsible for what Neal did. That was another thing that made her mad, however. He was here with her because he cared about her.

Toll watched her, she looked at the television her eyes taking on a far off look, he wondered what she was thinking about. He continued to watch her carefully, hoping they weren't thoughts of her trial and Neal. He'd suggested they stay here in hopes of keeping the anxiety at bay.

One thing he did know was she was likely ready for bed. The idea of climbing into that soft bed with her, was incredibly appealing. And for reasons he tried not to explore the idea also made his body tighten. His mind came back to the present when she still didn't look at him. "Sweetheart." He said, trying to bring her out of whatever place her mind had gone.

The sound of Tolls voice snapped Mac out of the fog she was in. She didn't feel anxious just irritated more than anything, her gaze shifted to him as she shoved the irritation away not wanting him to see it. And smiled at his use of her favorite nickname, her Eyes traveled to his and she instantly noted the unease she saw there. "Don't worry, I'm fine," she said, reassuringly, "just tired." He nodded, his gaze traveling over her features, despite what she said he knew, now, looking at her where her mind had been. Her gaze drifted from him again.

"If I'm allowed, I think I'll take a shower." He teased, mostly because he wanted her away from whatever place shed been, "and then we can go to bed." The mention of bed made Mac smile as her gaze came back to his. "If you must." She replied, her eyebrow twitching upward slightly. But something changed, a faint blush spread across her cheeks as her mind drifted to her earlier thoughts about being in bed with him. Would he? Her mind whispered, questioningly as her gaze dropped to his lips. Her blush deepened and her eyes changed. Toll saw the look, recognizing it for what it was and his body tightened. His mind drifting to thoughts of her, lying in bed with him, his hands in her hair, his lips on her neck as he slowly kissed his way to her mouth. A mouth he didn't fail to notice, that was at this very minute, maybe a foot from his own, her lips parted slightly. He moved closer and kissed those lips. The action happening without any thought. A soft noise from Mac greeted his ears and his chest tightend as she shifted closer.

Mac had wanted his kiss, but still it surprised her, she knew it was coming, still a faint gasp escaped her lips. The gentleness of his actions made a shiver slip across her skin and again her mind questioned. Would he? The question however was lost to the feeling welling inside her as she shifted closer.

Toll knew this needed to stop even before Mac shifted closer. But he hadn't really kissed her, at least not the way he'd wanted to in so long. Her hand came brushing against his neck as he continued to kiss her. The soft touch of her hand and the feel of her lips made his heart pound. She turned her body toward him and his hand went to her arm, he didn't pull her closer just cupped her elbow in his hand, the warmth of her skin sinking into his palm. He continued to kiss her softly, telling himself it would be fine.

Mac leaned closer, her hands leaving her lap and settle against his muscular thighs. The gentleness of his kiss, reminding her in some ways of the first kiss they shared. It was longer but the tenderness was the same and she responded as powerfully. Her hands trembling and soft breathy noises escaped her lips.

Toll pulled back, his heart racing, his gaze on her as her eyes slowly opened. God help me, was the first thought to enter his head, followed quickly by, you're so beautiful as her green eyes met his. His chest tightened as he held her longing filled gaze. Why couldn't this be easier, he questioned as her eyes drifted back to his lips. That question twisting his insides, he knew he had to stop this, kissing her again would only lead to folly. He'd couldn't let that happen.

"I gonna take a shower." He said, his gaze leaving her, he didn't really know that he would shower tonight when he'd teased her earlier, but now he was. He needed to space from her before they got into bed or all his good intentions might fly out the window.

Mac watched his back as he walked toward the bathroom. Her heart pounding, she rubbed her hands across her face trying to quiet her body. She couldn't understand why he still held back. If a man was this reluctant she would assume it would normally mean he wasn't interested in the sex. But she knew he wanted her. That's why she didn't understand. Maybe he felt it was too soon after everything that had happened, she didn't know, but if any other man made her feel this way shed simply take matters into her own hands, make the decision for him, but the idea of doing that to Toll made her nervous and not because she feared rejection. It was the way he made her feel; the things he made her feel. But there was something else in his reaction at times when he pulled back it was almost like he was afraid he'd somehow hurt her. She couldn't imagine how, she felt safe with him. Nothing had been as easy with him as it would have been with any other man.

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><p>Toll tried not to think about Mac as he undressed and got in the shower. Trying to force his mind away from that kiss and the look in her eyes. The attempt proved futile. All he could think about was that soft beckoning look and the way it made him feel. And it was his fault he was in this position. Despite his reluctance to think about it, he now had to admit some small part of him, on some level had become aware of where this night could lead since he'd walked into this establishment with her. It wasn't the plan, but still hed known. It was all wrapped up and woven into the feeling welling inside him tonight. The farther he fell for her the more difficult it was to maintain any distance. And he slipped a little further everytime they were near each other.<p>

Frustrated with himself as he stepped into the spray and let the warm water rush over his face and chest as he picked up the washcloth he'd grabbed before he stepped into the shower and lathered it with soap, silently chastising himself for not hiding his reaction to that kiss better.

He pulled back, announced he was taking a shower and left her, it was a genius move, he scoffed to himself. Now shed be certain shed done something wrong or there was something wrong with her, his mind added as he scrubbed his face and neck. He really didn't want that.

And all because of your secret... His mind whispered, he shut that thought off quickly. trying to make himself feel better his very next thought was, you should have taken her home. Then he felt like even more of an asshole, no matter what, he wouldn't have done that to her tonight, she needed this. He just needed to figure out how to walk this line he'd put in place. How he didn't know, but he needed to figure it out.

His mind jumped back to his previous thought and he stupidly tried reassuring himself, he could tell her soon, but that thought filled his stomach with dread as the words, she won't stay, drifted through his head. His body not just his stomach tightened in dread this time. He forced the thoughts and feelings away, only to jump to the next hurdle in his plan, the promise he'd made to her just last night. He'd told her he'd take her to Tennessee. How the hell could he do that... Fuck, why did this have to be so hard.

Mac sat on the couch for several minutes after he disappeared behind the bathroom door and she'd heard the shower turn on, chewing on her lip. Her mind had now answered her earlier question. Would he? The answer was no. Her mind following the same course it had followed since he'd walked away and the only thing she really knew was she didn't want to wait any longer. As confusing as his behavior could be, she knew he wanted her also. So why?

Toll heard the door open then close softly. The sound surprising him out of his thoughts and irritation. He stood still for a moment, the washcloth in his hand pausing against his chest, water pelting his back, listening, hearing nothing. Then his well-trained ears picked up a soft rustling sound. Mac? He questioned silently, his brow furrowing. Warning bells went off in his mind, but he didn't move. The sound began again a moment later. What was she doing? He questioned next. He focused on the sounds harder. Again a moment of silence where nothing but the sound of the water running filled his ears. Had she forgotten something she needed? Then he heard her soft tread on the tile floor as she moved closer. He titled his head to the side his ears straining to hear above the flow of water, his mind told him to speak. Say her name, but he couldn't. His heart beat picking up tempo with every step closer she came.

Macs courage began to evaporate the moment she stepped into the steam filled bathroom. She thought opening the door hand been difficult it was nothing compared to knowing he was just across the room behind that heavy shower curtain. She bit her lip, her heart picked up tempo, beating faster. Earlier, when shed showered shed thought about the fact that there wasn't a door on this shower, now she was grateful there wasn't. If there was, it would make her more nervous knowing he could somewhat see her. She didn't, however let the idea of a curtain instead of a door delude her into thinking he wasn't aware of her presence. Since shed stepped through the door moments ago the flow of water hadn't changed. Hitting in only one place. He might not yet know why, but he knew she was in the room. Her body began to tremble at the idea and a voice questioned if he'd send her away. She hadn't really feared that till now. Uncertainty filled her as she wondered what shed do if he did. You want this, she reminded herself and forcing the thought from her mind. Her shaking hands went to the hem of her shirt, pulling it up and over her head a moment later she shimmied out of her bottoms. Keeping her gaze on the shower, she disrobed the rest of the way, then forced her legs to carry her across the room. As she pulled the hair tie from her hair and slipped it onto her wrist, then run her trembling fingers through her hair shaking the braid free.

The pounding of his heart escalated as he heard the faint noise of her moving toward the shower. When he saw her small hand wrap around the shower curtain and it began to slide back he couldn't move or breathe. His heart pounding in his ears, he stood there in disbelief. She was... she was getting... His body began to respond to the idea forming in his head. All thought left him she stepped past the curtain. All he could do was stare at her, nonplussed. The washcloth he held slipped from his fingers and both hands dropped to his sides tightening into fists. His entire body tightened, his gaze fixed on her down turned face.

Mac could hardly breathe, this thought was unnerving enough, now standing in this small space, his large overwhelmingly male presence filling it, the unnerving became almost terrifying. She didn't move, really, she couldn't as her eyes collided with the wide expanse of his heavily muscled chest. Her teeth came out nipping her bottom lip and she felt jittery, the blush she wore deepened as she watched a droplet of water slide between his pecks than lower tracing the cleft between his abs than slip into his belly button. Her gaze only followed that drop of water that far, not watching to see if it slipped back out of his belly button to slide lower. She shifted her gaze back up and the tattoo that covered his right side caught her attention, her gaze drifting over the intricate design that covered every inch of skin between his armpit and hip. Fanning out over his well-defined abs. She nearly reached out and traced the strange design, with her fingers. She hadn't known about this one. And right now it seemed to add to his appeal. Making the ache she felt settle heavier between her thighs.

It took Toll sometime to form a rational thought as he watched her. Shocked as he still was his eyes hadn't left her face. Completely caught up in her reaction to him and shocked she was standing in this small space with him period. Her teeth pulled across her bottom lip, the dark blush she wore seemed to deepen by the second. His breaths became labored as her eyes drifted over him, remembering he'd once questioned if she'd find him appealing. Seeing the evidence that she did made his body come to life in earnest, every inch of him responding to her and quickly chasing any chance of rational thought away.

His heart stopped as she stepped closer, till mere inches separated them. Her head still down turned, she stood so close her soft hair brushed his damp chest. His fist tightening at his side.

He remembered to breathe when he felt one small had settle against his chest, her soft trembling touch searing his flesh with warmth, a shudder passing down his spine. His breathing stopped again when seconds later he felt her lite tracing touch moving along his right side. Her head shielded her actions from his view, but he knew her feather lite touch slipped along the lines of his tattoo. Goose bumps appeared along the sensitive skin of his side.

The first thing Mac noticed as she stepped closer, her eyes drifting down him was the growing evidence of his own need. Heat pooled in her stomach and lower as she stared down his body, another shiver danced across her skin and she bit down hard on her bottom lip. Pulling her gaze away, she shifted her eyes to his tattoo. fascinated by it, she gave into the impulse this time reaching out and tracing the outer edge of the design with a gentle touch. Her finger sliding over his moist skin, his muscle dancing under her caress. She could feel and see his response to her, still he made no move to touch her.

Toll wanted to reach for her. But instead his hands stayed at his sides. Somewhere buried under his bodys reaction to her, he knew this was a bad idea, he knew this wasn't the way he wanted this to happen. But she stood so close, her naked body growing slippery with the same water that ran over his, her little fingers playing against his side, her other hand against his chest. And then she looked up at him, slowly. Her gaze filled with emotion, it wasn't the want that quieted the thoughts, it was the uncertainty he saw there.

It had been almost impossible for Mac to find the courage to meet his gaze. Now she stood here under his gaze, tension radiating from his body, she waited for him to make the next move. But he simply stood immobile, his chest rising and falling rapidly under her hand, his heart pounding. His gaze dark and unnerving. She shook harder as she waited, feeling the heat of his skin and the furious pounding of his heart under her hand. Stray drops of the water his body shield hers from, hitting her skin only made her tremble more as she waited.

Unable to hold his gaze any longer, her eyes drifted to his lips. Uncertain.

"Mac?" he said harshly, the lump that had formed in his throat making it hard to speak. He wasn't certain why he said her name. If it was to stop her or to encourage her. Her gaze that was now on his chin didn't move to meet his as he stared down at her. Her face flushed her gaze still a little nervous. She stood with one small hand against his chest, the fingertips of the hand that had teased his side had stopped their movements now just resting against his skin.

The tone of his voice as he said her name made a shiver travel down her spine. It seemed to hold so much more question than one simple word could possibly hold. Her eyes slipped down his neck, settling on his throat and watched as a droplet of water settled into the hollow along his collarbone, then noticed how his pulse seemed to throb in that place. Without realizing what she was doing, she rose up on her toes, her eyes fluttering closed as she leaned closer and brushed her lips gently against it. Her tender breast brushing his chest, she tasted the hint of soap on his moist skin and felt the hard swallow from him that accompanied her actions. She pulled away slightly, not opening her eyes and let her breath fan across his skin before she kissed the spot again, only this time, the tip of her tongue came out tasting the moisture that had collected there.

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><p><strong>TO BE CONTINUED...<strong>


	43. Chapter 42

**The wait was much longer than Id anticipated, but the complexities of Toll letting go of his worries and letting things happen were much more difficult than I'd foreseen.**

**Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this and that this chapter ends up worth the wait!**

**And as always, a big thanks to my girls Sam! And Kendra!**

**Kendra, seems you haven't shown up at my house yet I assume you're still looking for your keys! Haha!**

***AND here's the warning a lot of smut follows!***

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><p>Still unable to move or think Toll stood motionless, every part of him focused on her as the water continued to fall behind him, the sound filling his ears and sounding much louder than it actually was. He continued to just stand there staring down at her, frozen in place as she shifted closer. Her breasts grazing his ribs, tantalizingly as she rose up on her toes and placed a soft kiss against the hollow of his throat. He swallowed hard as he felt her lips leave his skin. She only pulled back slightly, then he felt her breath against his throat as blew on his skin. Her tongue darted out dragging across that spot next and his body tightened more.<p>

Her lips slipped from his neck and her eyes opened as she lifted them, meeting his gaze. The blush she wore fanned out covering her entire body as she saw the wide range of emotions in his eyes. He wanted her. And seeing that longing reflected in his gaze made her skin tingle.

Unfortunately, that longing wasn't the only thing she found reflected there.

Whatever it was that held him back was there also. It made her own uncertainties weave through her. Refusing to allow the doubt any hold on her, she shoved it aside. She wanted him. And that was the only thing that mattered. Her gaze dropped from his, falling to his mouth. Hers breaths becoming shaky, she knew if she wanted this; she was the one that would have to make it happen. Suspecting that like always hed hold back.

Her eyes came back to his slowly this time, the pounding in his heart picking up tempo as their eyes met and their gazes locked. The emotion in her eyes a mixture of vulnerability and desire made all those protective instincts, he felt for her well inside him, tightening his chest. He watched as she broke their gaze, her eyes drifting to his chest.

Macs eyes drifted back to where her hand rested above his heart as she contemplated the task before her. Her gaze fixed on the rapid rise and fall of his chest under her touch. Suddenly the question of how to best to proceed left her head and instinct took over. Her mind filled with the overwhelming desire to skim her soapy hands over the magnificent male chest in front of her. She bit down sharply on her lip as a fresh wave of heat washed across her skin than settled between her thighs as she envisioned doing just that.

Her eyes left his chest, moving toward the shower wall and the shelf she knew was there. Seeing the small bar of soap she reached out with one trembling hand and watched as her fingers slipped around the fragrant bar. Her other hand left his chest and she rubbed the soft slippery thing between her hands. She laid it back down on the shelf and turned her attention back to him.

A fresh wave of nervousness hit her as she continued to contemplate her soapy fingers on his body. Picturing her slippery touch on him.

Tolls gaze followed her stalking her every movement as her attention left him and her hand reached for the soap. The still growing length between his legs twitched in anticipation as he realized that she meant to wash his chest. His eyes quickly traveled back to her beautiful face in disbelief and found her heavy-lidded gaze on his chest. Then he felt her hesitant touch against him at first hesitant then growing bolder as her hands began to slide along his skin. Watching the ever change emotions that slipped across her features. Eventually his eyes left her face dropping to her hands.

Mac didn't need to look at him as her hands slid across his chest to know his heavy gaze tracked her every move. The knowledge left her more than a little breathless as did the impressively male chest that seemed to respond to her every caress. His gaze emboldened her a little more, as her trembling fingers, slipped across that smooth wet skin, testing the muscle under her touch.

The heavy intake of breath from him that came as her fingers drifted lower across his abdomen only added to it. The lower her fingers drifted across those well-defined muscles the tighter his body became. The heat coursing through her own body intensified as her touch moved closer and closer, toward that heavy length that still grew between them. Her teasing caress moved further down his stomach. But she was careful keeping her hands away from the part of him that seemed to strain in anticipation of her touch. She pulled her gaze away from it and her hand shifted direction. Slowly, skimming along his torso in their upward trek.

This was a bad idea, he tried to remind himself as her light caress teased his body. Those words held no power over him however, as her little fingers wandered over his chest. His gaze bore into her as she continued to toy with him, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his heart picking up tempo the lower her touch traveled. For a moment, his heart stopped as her fingers drifted precariously close to his erection. Then her caress shifted directions traveling back up his chest, bringing her gaze with it.

Macs gaze drifted slowly back up his chest. Noting the soapy trail her fingers had left in their wake. Her hands stopped on his chest, but her gaze continued, slowly up over his thick neck, over the dark stubble that covered his jaw, pausing for a moment of his lips before she finally met his eyes.

His gaze, every bit as unnerving as she knew it would be. Dark and filled with intensity. It made her stomach flutter. Not willing to give him a moment to think, she rose up on her toes, once more, brushing her lips against the stubble that lined his jaw. Then she stepped back, not meeting his gaze as her right hand fell from his chest and she began to move. The fingers of her left hand slipping across his chest at a downward angle, gliding across the sinew under them as she moved past him.

Continuing to trace her fingers along the rigidly defined muscle of his abs, till they dropped away completely than letting her fingers glide over the warm slippery skin of his forearm next, the tendons drew taut under her caress as she stepped around him. She felt the water that had cascaded down his back caress her own skin as she turned to face back. Pausing as her eyes rested on the broad expanse of his shoulders and the heavy muscle that covered each of his shoulder blades making a deep v shape at his spine. The skin looked warm and soft and she wondered what it would feel like to just reach out and touch it. She stayed the impulse, contenting herself with merely looking at him for this moment. She always liked the way his shirts stretched across these same shoulders, but found she liked them naked and wet much more. Her skin seemed to pull tight as her gaze continued to rest on them and her fingers still itching to reach out and touch the flesh that held her rapt attention.

Tolls head turned with her, his gaze stalking her as she moved away from him, he felt her teasing caress as her finger drifted along the well-defined muscles of his chest. His muscles danced under her attention as her slender fingers drifted lower across his stomach. She moved around him, her soft hand brushing his arm as she stepped from sight. And now he stood, his spine rigid, his body growing increasingly tense as he waited, he couldn't see her in his peripheral vision any longer, but he still held his head turned to the side as he waited. His heart pounding against his ribs

She nipped her lip, absorbed again by the sight of a droplet of water, slipping across his skin. This time however her gaze followed its downward trek, as it slid along his spine and lower until it vanished in the cleft between his glutes.

She continued to worry her bottom lip as she looked at him, her mouth dry, he had a truly magnificent body. And right now she wanted to lick the path that water had taken. Her teeth sunk harder into her lip, After a moment she pulled her gaze away and her eyes traveled upward. Every inch of him was covered in hard, firm muscle and at this moment she found it slightly disconcerting. Shed known he took care of himself; knew he worked out. Shed spent countless hour curled up against him, shed even slept with him, but still he was more than what she'd expected. Heat swirled in her stomach than dropped lower settling heavily between her thighs. Her gaze continued to travel over him, her body growing steadily warmer, stopping when it alighted on a long jagged half-moon scar just below his shoulder-blade on the right side. And wondered for just a moment what could have left such an ugly mark on his body. But the question of what could have caused it drifted from her mind as she gave in to the sudden impulse she felt. She leaned closer, her lips brushing against the puckered skin gently.

Finally she touched him, the whispering caress of her lips against his back, brought goose bumps to his flesh and his eyes closed tightly as his head fell forward. And his body gave up some of the tension filling him. Again he knew what held her attention, this time it was one of the many scars that served as a reminder of how dangerous of a life he'd chosen. Guilt began welling inside him, but it quickly faded away as he felt her lips wandered along the three-inch scar, his body coiling tight again under her ministrations. The heat of her mouth left his body, then moments later the clean smell of soap filled the air around them once more and he felt her little hands settle against his back. First at his shoulders, her fingers slipping over the flesh under her hands, doing little to relax his taut muscles. They slipped lower after a time, exploring him as they gently traveled along his back. Every inch of him responded to her caress. She treated the rest of him with the same care she had his shoulders massaging the muscles under her hands softly and pausing to examine a scar here and there on his back. Not being able to see her heightened the sensation, his body focused on her movements, he felt her attentions more keenly than he did those to his chest, he heard every change in the stream of water behind her as she shifted. His overactive senses caused his body to respond more and more. Her fingers eventually found their way to his tatoo again, tracing the line that covered his back and side the ticklish flesh spasmed as she continued to manipulate it. Her gentle touch wondered lower and a shudder passed through him, the coil of muscle that was his body at present, tightened more at the feel of her soft caress passing over the top of his ass. feather light and teasing, the response of his body immediate and powerful. His fist tightened, his lower body twitched.

Her nimble fingers switched directions, looking for another part of him to torment. They moved to his side once again, apparently content to torture that over sensitive spot again and he moved without realizing it. His hand reached out and grasped her wrist with more force than he'd intended as he turned toward her, feeling the fine bones of her wrist under his fingers.

His attention immediately shot to her body, his gaze darkening as it drifted over her. He reigned in the impulse her felt to explore her with not just his eyes, but his touch also. Somehow sensing if he did things would spin out of all control quickly. He saw her shiver as his gaze greedily explored her, missing nothing from her dark wet hair hanging about her shoulders, their ends teasing the pert nipples of her full breasts than further down, blood pounded in his ears as his gaze drifted slowly over the indent of each rib, the trim line of her small waist and her flat stomach came next. And he noted in appreciation the faint muscle definition under skin. His hot gaze caressed the gentle curve of her hips in it trek. But paused when it came to the clean-shaven skin at the juncture of her thighs, ignoring yet another impulse to touch her in that particular spot, before his gaze slipped down her long shapely legs to her toes.

Mac had to fight the urge to hide from his eyes as his ever darkening gaze slid caressingly down her body, leaving her shaking in its wake. She felt the desire to cover herself as his direct gaze took in every inch of her. It was unnerving enough to have his heated gaze on her as she explored his body with her touch, but this was worse. All she could do was watch him as his eyes slid down her, they hid nothing.

Toll gaze wandered back up her with the same painstakingly slow pace. She was gorgeous and his body responded in agreement to the thought. The heavy length between his legs coming to full attention. His eyes finally came back to hers and his body tensed as something deep inside him shifted, she looked so shy. He stood there caught in her gaze, his chest tightened more and the primal response that had grown inside him changed as softer feelings mingled with it.

The heat in Tolls gaze as it finally met hers sent a fresh wave of shyness surging through her. But as their gazes held and Mac saw other softer emotions slip across his features changing the open desire in his eyes into something else; something softer. Suddenly it became harder to breathe and only worsened as he used his grip on her wrist to urge her closer. His hand dropped her wrist and came to her cheek, sliding across her skin in a gentle caress. Her eyes dropped, unable to hold his gaze any longer, drifting first to his lips, than lower as she tried to get a handle on the feelings welling in her chest and the way he made her feel. Her too tight skin, tightened even more and her breathing became erratic as she waited.

Without conscious thought, all of his attention focused on her, his hand left her wrist and traveled to her cheek, his fingers slipping along the soft curve beneath his hand and into her hair as he stepped closer. The pressure in his chest growing as her still shy gaze dropped to his lips and he moved closer still. His body almost brushing against hers. Her gaze dropped completely away focusing on his shoulder and he took a shaky breath. Standing there so close to her, his head bent, He wanted her gaze back; needed her gaze back. "Look at me." He said, his voice soft and gruff.

His softly spoken words so hushed and quiet seemed to dance off every nerve ending in her body. She complied, slowly. Her gaze returning to his. The softness she found there as their eyes met added to the feelings inside her, making her want him more desperately. After a moment his eyes left hers traveling over her face. You're so beautiful, he found himself thinking for the second time tonight as the rough pad of his thumb slipped across her cheek. And mine. His mind added moments later. That thought caught on something inside him, his chest expanded and his body was assaulted with a fresh rush sentiment.

His hand slipped further into her hair as his thumb and his fingers threaded deeper into the soft mass. He continued to look down at her, his heart pounding. And watched fascinated as the blush that stained her skin turned her cheeks scarlet, he wound that hand into her hair, the wet silky tresses slipping around his hand as he urged her lips closer. He heard the breathy noise that escaped her, his gaze dropped to her mouth. Her lips slightly parted and waiting. Toll had to swallow past a lump in his throat.

Her chest was rising and falling rapidly as he began to lower his head, the dark intensity of his gaze fixed on her lips was so unnerving Mac could hardly draw a breath. She began to tremble as she watched him and the ache building in her chest intensified. His totally disarming gaze left hers and dropped to her lips and Mac held her breath, waiting and watched as his eyes fell shut.

The gentleness of his lips as they brushed hers belied the heat in his gaze and left her shaken. He caught her upper lips between his as a gasp escaped her and her skin suddenly felt too small, tingling sensations dancing across every nerve ending in her body. He heard her gasp as his other hand reached out sliding across the slippery skin of her lower back. His thick rough fingers splayed wide and he felt her tremble as he coaxed her closer, not stopping until her breasts pressed to him, her fingers came to his side her light touch caressed the muscles under her hand making his body shudder.

He tightened his hold on her, the hand on his back digging into her and she made another soft noise against his lips. Toll swallowed it, his own body responding more to the feel of her small naked form pressed against him. He deepened their kiss his tongue sliding into the heat of her mouth as her other hand found its way to his bicep. Her tongue quickly tangled with his, the hand that he placed against the small of her back slipped higher and settled between her ribs pressing her upper body closer. And it still wasn't enough, he wanted more of her. The hand that he'd woven into her hair slipped away and went to her cheek once more, his rough fingers sliding along the delicate skin, his thumb slid under her jaw and he tilted her chin up and leaned over her, deepening their kiss again. Pulling her small slippery body fully against his own. Every inch of her pressed against his skin.

So caught up in the heat of him and the feel of his skin against hers, Mac lost all thought of anything but him. His hard length pressed flush against her stomach as he urged her into him. His body enveloping hers as his rough hand slid down her back again, resting against the swell of her butt. The friction of his calloused palm and the heat of his hand stirred a wanton desire deep inside her. Mac pulled back breathless and shaking, needing to gain some control over the chaos of emotions flooding her, she ducked her head and pressed her hot cheek against his chest.

Toll slipped both arms around her, holding her close, for a moment and listened to the sound of the water. He wasn't prepared for the way this made him feel. Her shyness. Her bewitching response to him. The strange emotions stirring inside him. That thought, brought back the reasons why this whole thing wasn't a good idea, but another part of him. A part of him located suspiciously close to where her head rested against his chest, tightened at the thought of stopping what could happen next. What would happen if he just let it. "Mac." Her name came from someplace deep inside him, unbidden and sounded almost pleading.

Mac lifted her head and looked up at him at the sound of his voice. It's tone strange and heavy with something she'd never heard before. Her body instantly tensed with an emotion akin to fear. He was thinking. She could see it.

Toll looked down at her and felt her tense and saw a shadow enter her eyes. The better part of him said, you can't do this. His body and mind rebelled at the idea and his arms tightened around her. He stood there, his better nature at war with his the rest of him. again he spoke, uncertain where the words came from. "You need to be sure." He said ignoring the voice of conscience that tried to speak up. His gaze searching hers, "There's no going back from here." He knew the cryptic words hed offered were unfair, there was no way she could know or understand why he said them. But he'd wanted her for too long. Wanted to be the man she thought he was.

Mac held his gaze, still uncertain where this hesitance came from. Why he need her to reassure him verbally that she really wanted what her actions had been telling him she wanted since she'd gotten in the shower with him.

She didn't know If it was their age difference or a residue from past relationships gone bad. And really there were so many answers she could give, but she chose the simplest words, the ones that held the most meaning. She spoke her voice soft.

"I want you."

Her words and the soft meaningful look on her face when she said them awoke that primal response in him. His entire body tightened as her words replayed themselves in his mind. 'I want you.' All his worries and unease and guilt melted away at those softly spoken words of reassurance. Blood surged through him, all thought left him and he forgot everything but her. His heart pounding in his ears once again he lowered his head, nipping at her bottom lip, then pulled back and met her gaze, allowing her to see exactly what he felt and intended.

Macs body tightened as he pulled back. The look in his eyes spoke volumes about what was to come, heated and dark. He'd finally let go and her body came to life anew, her breast grew heavy against his chest. His lips caught hers again quickly as his arms shifted one going to the small of her back, the other slipped into the heavy wet hair at the base of her skull, his hand cradling the back of her head as he began to back her toward the end of the tub.

Toll started moving her toward the end of the shower and felt the now cooler water rush over them as he propelled her further back. One of her small hands had moved to his side as he started to move and tightened against him as he deepened the kiss.

Mac felt the cool surface of the shower wall behind her back held a starling contrast to the warmth of his body and heat of his lips. Heightening her reaction to his body moving against her. His hand slipped from her back as Toll continued to play her lips and his fingers groped for the lever to shut the water off. He felt the warm, slippery steal of the faucet against his fingers and he shut the water off. Keeping her trapped between him and the wall, his other hand left her, both settling on the shower wall on either side of her head and he deepened the kiss, his tongue tangling with hers. The tips of her fingers settled against his lower stomach and she leaned slightly closer, meeting his tongue eagerly. He pulled back a short time later, his heart pounding painfully as he stared down at her. Her hands slipped from his chest.

Macs eyes opened and met his hungry gaze, knowing that hunger was for her made the aching in her body intensify as she stood there her back against the slippery shower wall, trapped between his arms, shaking and completely in his power. Wishing he'd touch her and wanting his lips back. The heat between her legs grew as she thought about his hands on her, against that ache. Instantly the image of his hand was replaced with another, one that made her squeeze her legs tightly together. A soft shaky noise escaped her and her skin flushed as her eyes dropped to his lips.

Tolls already heavy erection, grew painfully tight as he watched her features and heard the breathy noise that escaped her as her face flushed and her eyes drifted to his lips. The thought of lifting her against the wall entered his head and before he knew he started to move, his body planning to do just that. Somehow he stopped himself even as images formed in his head, those long shapely legs wrapped around him, her nipples brushing his chest. He reminded himself, he didn't want her first time with him to be like that. Still Not trusting himself to not just lift her against the wall he stood staring down at her a moment more.

Mac looked up catching his gaze and paused, he struggled. With what she wasn't sure but thought quickly left her as he took her hand in his.

After that moment he reached down, his hand slipping gently into hers than turned and got out of the shower taking her with him. His gaze didn't return to her as he dropped her hand and stepped away, leaving her standing on the bath mat, her eyes drifting down his back and watched his muscle ripple and flex as he pulled a towel from a nearby shelf. She expected him to hand it to her, but instead he unfolded it as he turned, his gaze meeting hers and her breath hitched and she started to growing warmer in anticipation as she realized he meant to dry her himself. He moved closer holding her gaze and leaned down brushing her lips with his own before he pulled back and stepped behind her and began drying her hair, then he slowly worked his way down her body. Paying meticulous attention to every inch of her and all Mac could do was feel as he dried her. Feeling the soft towel and occasionally his rough fingers as they slipped across her sensitive skin. The contrast those two thing made her feel was so vibrant, her nerve ending seemed to follow his caress; jumping every time the they felt the abrasive touch of his fingers. When he was done with her back, she trembled uncontrollably. Less than a second after the towel left her back she felt him move closer, his fingers suddenly on her skin at the top of her spine, they trailed down its length and her back arched away from his touch.

Toll watched his fingers, drag down her spine, his chest rising and falling heavily. his favorite parts of a woman were all seen from this angle. The delicate line of her neck, the smooth curving contour of her spine, the soft warm skin of the small of her back. The female body was so sensitive in these areas and Mac was no exception. Her body arching away from his touch, her body trembling. The hold he had over himself began to falter again as her trembling increased and reluctantly he pulled his hand away. He stepped around her, only meeting her gaze briefly before his eyes drifted down her lithe body again. The length between his legs growing heavier still, he lifted the towel, taking it in both hands and wrapped around her. And felt her soft lips graze his chest as he leaned closer. He resisted the urge to kiss her after he'd secured the towel. His gaze returned to her soft one and then only briefly, before he retrieved his own towel, wrapping it loosely around his thick waist, his gaze came back to her as he stepped closer, lowering his head and claiming her lips. Then bent down slipping one arm behind her back and the other under her knees, he effortlessly lifted her against his chest, holding her tight, his lips still on hers as he walked out of the bathroom.

The bed dipped under their weight as he settled his knee upon it, that same knee catching his towel and pulling it from his waist as he gently placed her on the soft mattress.

She felt the bed shift under their combined weight as Toll settled them onto the mattress. His arms slipped from about her as he moved to his side, resting on his elbow, never breaking the contact of the gentle kiss he was giving her. Macs heart began to ache as he leaned over her. One hand slipped to his lower back, the other settling against the hand he now hand wrapped around her hip.

Lifting his head and breaking their kiss, he looked down at her. His heart pounding and picking up tempo as her green eyes opened, heavy-lidded and full of tender longing. Tightness spread throughout his body as he watched, absorbed in her as she lifted her head toward his, her gaze shifting to his lips. Her soft hand moved from atop his and came to his chest, before it slipped upward, over his pounding heart, across his shoulder to the back of his neck as her eyes fell shut once more, her lips touched his.

Lost in the sweetness of her attentions, he let her control what happened next. Her soft lips and warm mouth moved against his with beguiling gentleness. His arm slipped behind her upper back protectively as he gathered her closer. His other hand sought the towel he'd wrapped her in and brushed it away, his hand grazing her soft breast and she pressed her body closer. His arm slipped around her waist then under her back, across her naked skin as he pulled her into him. One of his thighs slipped between hers as he took control.

Mac gave herself up to him, her heart pounding harder the more he kissed her. His lips playing hers and like normal she was at a loss, but this time more so, because she knew what awaited her. His leaned into her more, pushing her further into the mattress and his protective embrace. His naked body pressed to hers, the feel of his skin, so warm as it slipped against hers, left shiver after shiver traveling across her flesh. His thigh slipped between hers, the proof of how badly he wanted this pushed heavy and hot into her hip, Macs legs tightened around his thigh, rubbing herself against it, she gasped softly against his mouth.

The vague plan to take this part slow and explore her left him. Her response to him was overpowering. All he knew was he needed her, urgency built in his chest, with every brush of her lips and caress of her fingers. The almost scalding heat of her intimate flesh against his thigh as she pressed herself closer; rubbing against him was too much. He lifted himself over her, slowly.

Mac felt him shift, his arms unwrapping from around her, his body coming over the top of her and spread her legs to accommodate him as his lips left hers. Her eyes opened and she watched as he settled between her thighs, his large frame covering hers. She felt him against her, his hard length seated perfectly at the juncture of her thighs. His hips flexed into her whuther on purpose or purely instinct she didn't know, but she gasped and rolled her hips against him, her eyes falling shut. She felt his lips touch hers as he lifted away from her slightly, his mouth continued to brush hers softly as she felt his body shift away more. Then his hand slipped between them and he was filling her, slowly, her slick inner muscle welcoming him as her body stretched to accommodate his length, his body braced on his elbows, hovering over her. A moan escaped her lips as she tore her mouth away from his. Her eyes opening instantly, searching for his. Their gazes held, Mac couldn't have looked away if she wanted too, the things she saw there made the aching in her body and heart worse.

Tolls body drew taut as he filled her tight passage, she was so wet. Her body seemed to pull him in, he was lost to everything but her and this moment. He'd wanted this. Her, he wanted her for so long. Now that he had her under him, her body welcoming him he could hardly control himself. His body shook to match the trembling in hers. Sweat breaking out on his skin, her lips broke from his, her eyes snapping open and their gazes held. The emotion in her gaze was enthralling as he slid fully into her. He set a slow rhythm, moving in and out of carefully, holding back. Knowing if he didn't this would all end with embarrassing quickness. He held her gaze watching emotions dance through her eyes, his hips working slowly against hers. Her body arching into him as soft moans escaped her, her hips rising to meet his thrusts, her body brushing his. Her inner muscles gripping him tighter and tighter, every time he withdrew from her.

Mac held his gaze till she couldn't handle it anymore. The way he watched her, the intensity of it made her body tighten more and more. She pulled her gaze from his, her eyes falling shut as she gave herself to sensation. Her muscle gripping him tightly as he slid in and out of her.

Toll continued to watch her, his release drawing closer and closer, he didn't know how much longer he could hold off. It only grew worse as her eyes closed, his body shook with hers and he couldn't look away from her.

His voice finally broke into the haze his body moving over hers had created, her eyes drifting open and locking with his. He lowered his head kissing the her neck gently then whispered in her ear, "Mac, I'm not going to last." Lifting his head and meeting her beautiful eyes again, "let it happen." He whispered as he somehow made his pace slower and his thrusts deliberate. She arched into him, crying out as her body tightened, her nails dug painfully into his biceps.

The soft noise and the feel of her response pushed him closer to release and at the same time left him intrigued he mimicked his previous movement. And she responded the same her inner muscle squeezing him tightly, every inch of her except for where they joined and the back of her head lifted off the bed, toward him.

He continued with the same agonizing slowness, easing out of her and watching as her head turned to the side and her teeth sunk in to her bottom lip, her eyes shutting tightly. This time his name. His given name, passed over her lips as he slowly rolled his hips into her, her body shaking.

He felt her body clench around him, arching up into him, he felt her release building inside her, her muscle squeezing him. Her nails dug into his arms painfully again, maybe even drawing blood, but Mac didn't care. His length dragged slowly across her spot and she felt pressure begin to build, overwhelming, between her legs. Everything in her focused on what he was doing to her, this time as he moved against her, her hands gripped his arm and she lifted her body against his as the first wave of release took her.

She shattered finding release, her head turned into his chest, his name passing her lips, a gasp against the skin of his shoulder and within seconds he followed her over. She felt his warmth filling her.

Then one of arms slipped around her and she found herself on her stomach, tucked safely against his side. Her body still shaking. After a moment her eyes opened, but sleep was already claiming her as he shifted gathering her closer still and pulling blankets around them.

* * *

><p>The faint noise of the television woke Toll. But he paid it little attention, his gaze instantly turned to the women lying beside him as memories assailed him. Tenderness shifted through his chest as his eyes drifted over her sleeping form nestled under the blankets her head turned away from him. Her tangled hair lay about her shoulder. He wasn't in the least bit surprised to find the idea of waking her up and making love to her again filling his head.<p>

A voice inside him spoke, trying to ask what he'd done, but as earlier Toll refused to listen. He knew soon enough hed grow to regret this, but not tonight, not after the way shed been with him. Just the memory sent heat surging through his veins. After a moment he pulled his gaze from her and slipped carefully from the bed. The television wasn't the only thing they had left on, the bathroom light was on and he wanted to know what time it was.

He walked quietly to the bathroom and retrieved his watch he'd left on the counter before he gotten in the shower, the time was 2 a.m. For a moment he contemplated putting his boxer briefs back on, but dismissed the idea. After what had happened between them modesty seemed stupid. Besides the idea of sleeping naked with her was extremely appealing and brought with it the image of her as she found release. His body stirred at the memory. He left the bathroom shutting off the light on his way out, after he shut of the television he approached the bed his gaze fixed on her. An ache spreading through his chest.

No matter the thoughts in his head as he slipped back under the covers next to her, he had planned to just gather her close and hold her, but as he moved closer settling onto his elbow his plan changed. Shed had him so worked up by the time he got her to bed, the actual love-making had been short. That wasn't to say it wasn't great, but he wanted to explore her body, touching and kissing it. Learning were to touch her and how, what she liked best and what would leave her shaking. He felt a distinct tensing in his lower body as his mind reminded him he had found a couple those places that drove her crazy.

He watched her a moment more before he reached out lifting the blankets and pushing them down around her hips so he could look at her, his attention moving to her hair he reached up brushing that soft tangled mass over her shoulder, gently. Watching the dark locks slip across her smooth skin and slide across his fingers made his body stir more. His attention left her hair and his eyes slowly sliding down her back, across her thin shoulders then along her ribs to her small waist, then lower to that blanket. At the urging of his body he reached down and slid the blanket lower so he could examine the firm swelling flesh they concealed. He examined that flesh when he dried her off and wrapped her in a towel, but he'd yet to give it the attention he wanted.

Dragging his eyes from that cute little derrière as he moved closer and lifted himself up so his chest hovered over her back and his lips found the sensitive skin of her neck. Her body stirred, her soft warm skin brushed against him as a soft noise escaped her lips and her shoulder moved upward pressing against his jaw. Another sleepy noise escaped her as her shoulder relaxed and he nipped the soft flesh of her neck, gently. This time she made a slightly grumpy noise and he smiled then lifted his head, and made a soft shushing noise against the delicate skin of her ear and again her shoulder lifted off the bed, in sleep. Her skin grazing against his erect nipple and the over sensitive skin of his chest, a shudder passed down his spine. This time he was the one to make a faint noise. He lowered himself slightly, letting his skin brush against her back so both his nipples could feel the contact as his lips and tongue moved against her skin.

He left the skin of her slender neck behind as his lips trailed along her shoulder-blade toward her spine. He lifted himself up, changing his position, his lips moving to the top of her spine, he pulled back slightly, balancing himself of one elbow so he could brush her hair further over her shoulder. They leaned down once more, pausing long enough to nuzzle her hair and place a gentle lingering kiss at the top of her spine. She moaned faintly as his lips and tongue began to travel downward, slowly, not missing an inch of the skin that covered her spine. Hed kiss or nip her flesh always soothing whichever, letting his breath fan out across her skin and she continued to stir, she moaned faintly, her body arching into the soft mattress beneath them. The breathy noises of pleasure escaping her and the knowledge that she had yet to waken, wrapped around his heart, mingling with his desire and left him with the same emotions welling inside him he'd felt as he watched her last night.

Mac woke slowly, her body trapped inside a strange dream like state. She could feel the hot mouth and tongue that traveled down her spine and the prickly brush of something abrasive against her tender skin. that teasing sensation whispering against her flesh, left her confused and stirred images inside her, coming awake by degrees as that mouth continued its slow torture.

Garrett..

The name filled her head and a shiver slipped across her skin as his current assault on her body mingled with the memory of last night and warm liquid heat filled her.

Its him doing this to you. Her mind whispered.

Goose bumps danced all along her back and her eyes opened as he found the particularly sensitive piece of skin at the base of her spine, she gasped loudly, her hips lifting that tender spot toward his tormenting lips.

He moved his body further down the bed toying with the smooth warm skin at the base of her spine, this time as his lips and tongue caressed her flesh, she gasped loudly, her hips rose from the bed. Toll ifted his head to find her gazing at him over her shoulder, her upper body turned slightly, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Like earlier, her beautiful eyes were open to him allowing him to see everything she felt.

Lifting himself up and holding her gaze he moved over her, she spread her thighs further apart to accommodate him.

Mac continued to watch him a chill dancing across every nerve ending as he lifted himself over her, his hands settled into the mattress on either side of her and he lowered his body, than angled his head to the side catching her lips. His chest brushing the skin of her back as she felt the heavy length of his erection settle against her and her hips lifted slightly, pressing against it.

His mouth left hers and moved along her cheek pausing at her ear, his lips and tongue toyed with the outer shell before he pulled back and slid down the bed, his chest brushing against her back as he retreated and then settling onto his stomach between her legs. holding her gaze and watching as her eyes darkened in understanding, he lowered his head and she tilted her hips up. He kissed one smooth round cheek still holding her gaze and watched her bite her bottom lip hard

Mac began to shake as she felt his hot mouth against her, his lips toying with the smooth sensitive skin. Her body tensed and she turned her head burying her face in the pillow and moaned faintly as his tongue found its way to her most sensitive flesh. The next stroke of his tongue, elicited a louder noise from her, her hips lifted up, pushing back against his mouth this time.

Toll continued to taste her, every stroke of his tongue against her brought forth a moan or a gasp. He pushed her right thigh further up the bed and his other arm settled heavily over her hips holding her in place as he tasted her. His tongue delving deeper into her, her response was so seductive he kept it up long after he wanted to replace his lips and tongue with something else. His own body grew increasingly impatient for the feel of her around him and eventually he gave in, but only after he had her so completely on edge, her hips twisted against his mouth and her little body shook uncontrollably. Only then did he pull back resting on his knees, his hands went to her hips and angled them how he wanted them, then leaned over her again, his hand going between them his fingers slipped across her hot intimate flesh and her hips jerked at the touch before he guided himself inside her.

Her body was still reeling from the feel of his first assault as he slid inside her, her body stretching to accommodate him and began to move against her, slowly as his lips found their way to her neck again and Mac dropped back into the mattress, burying her face in the pillow. Her hips lifting off the bed to meet his, her inner muscle tightened around him.

Toll watched her moving under him, her fingers digging into the mattress as he worked his hips in a slow rhythm, move in and out of her with care. He heard the moans and breathy noise that escaped her, the muscles of her slick passage gripping him tightly and felt the brush of her skin as her spine curled up against him. But soon it wasn't enough, he wanted to see her face, she'd been so expressive the first time and he wanted to see it again so he pulled back a tender smile slipped onto his as he heard the frustrated sound she made as his body left hers.

He settled onto his knees and hands went to delicate skin covering her hips, his long fingers wrapping around the silky flesh as he rolled her gently, her legs curled up brushing his chest as she moved onto her back. Her beautiful eyes on his face, the expression causing his chest to tighten with more tenderness as he leaned over her catching her lips with his as his arm slid under her lifting her against his chest with one arm as he positioned her where he wanted her in the bed. pressing her hips wider apart with his thighs as he settled over her, resting on his forearms, his larger body curling over her, he rested his forehead against hers and he began to move against her again. This time he filled her wet flesh deeper than before, he watched her eyes drift shut and felt her small soft hands settle against his chest muscles. Macs little finger, dug into his chest as she felt his length drag across that spot he found earlier and felt her shudder, her slick inner muscle squeezed him tightly and a shaky breath escape her chest.

* * *

><p>The first thought to enter Macs head weren't of Neal or his parents as she woke in the morning. They were of the man beside her. Her head instantly filling with vivid memories. A blush stole across her skin and Mac buried her face in the pillow, her cheek rested on, feeling the soft linen against her over warm skin. He was more than worth the wait, she thought and her cheeks flamed more as images of his intense yet gentle handling last night flooded her mind anew. Hed overwhelmed and disarmed her. Both times he left her more than satisfied and with a chaos of emotions welling inside her as she fell asleep. Her face flamed so much this time she could feel it as she remembered him waking her and what happened next.<p>

She lifted her head peaking at him through her tangled hair and felt her body stir as her eyes drifted over his sleeping form. Unlike her cocooned in the blankets from her neck clear to her feet, the blankets rode low across his hips and left his beautifully muscled chest bare. Unfortunately, she couldn't see it, he laid on his back, but still her gaze drifted over him greedily, soaking up what she could see. For a second she thought about kissing him awake, her skin tightening at the idea, but no matter how bold she'd been last night when she climbed in the shower with him, she felt shy this morning. She lay there a moment more and decided to wake him another way. Judging from the faint light showing around the blinds, they'd have coffee in the breakfast room downstairs. She decided shed wake him coffee. Now if she could just slip out of bed, find her cloths and slip from the room without waking him.

Mac kept her eyes on Toll as she carefully slid out of the bed. Her feet hit the floor with a louder thump than she intended and she paused, holding her breath. Once shed determined she hadn't disturbed him, she stood, shivering when she realized how cool the room was, her eyes drifted to the floor, she dropped down and scooped up the towel then wrapped it around her. Not just to fend off the chill. Despite the things he'd done to her last night she wasn't so sure she was ready for him to wake up to her hurrying through the room naked.


	44. Chapter 43

Mac hurried across the room, noting the tenderness in her inner thigh muscles. She paused at the bathroom door just to look back and make sure he was still asleep. And found herself watching him a moment more than she intended, her eyes drifting over his prone frame. Nipping her bottom lips slightly, a smile slipped onto her face before she slipped through the doorway. Her gaze moving toward the bag, shed left in here last night, she walked toward it intending to get dressed. However, she caught sight of herself in the mirror over the sink and she paused for a moment to inspect herself, her eyes traveling over her disheveled reflection. Her hair hung snarled about her shoulders in disarray and it stuck up here and there on her head from not being dry before she went to bed. A fresh smile tilted her lips and heat worked through her as memories of him filled her head again. The feel of his skin and his touch, but mostly his gaze on her. A blush stole across her skin as her mind wandered further along that path. His intense gaze had been on her most of the time, her skin tingled and more heat rushed through her as she remembered vividly the one instance he hadn't been able to see her face last night. Her skin grew sensitive against the soft towel she was wrapped in and she flushed more. Giving herself a hard mental shake, she forced her attention to the mess that was her hair, then sighed in hopelessness as she reached up running her finger through the tangled mass. Shed never get it to lie down without showering or washing it. Maybe she would later, she mused, but not right now.

Water running awoke Toll, his eyes opening, he stretched his arms over his head and felt the soft mattress under him as he looked about the room. She wasn't in the bed beside him, he knew she wouldn't be even before he looked in that direction. She was in the bathroom. He laid there for a moment exploring the memories he'd woken with. His chest tightening with tenderness as well as unease as he remembered last night. The unease turned to dread and quickly tried to take over everything else. And for a moment the dread won out as guilt surged through him. His mind didn't even need to ask him what he'd done this time; he knew precisely what he'd done. Exactly what he hadn't intended to do. His mind did however feel the need to say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Just then, he heard the water shut off and focused on the quiet sounds of her moving about the bathroom, instead of what he felt.

Mac laid her toothbrush down, feeling the cold tile of the counter against her fingers, then quickly washed her face and hands before she shut the water off, checking her reflection in the mirror for a moment before she finished dressing. Shed opted for a wet brush and a messy bun to control her hair.

Mac looked away from the mirror and her mind turned to Toll. She grabbed the thin white shirt shed bought last night and pulled it over her head, covering the short white tank top she already wore as she approached the bathroom door. She paused listening for a moment, before her hand went to the door knob and she pushed it quietly open.

Pushing the rest of his disquiet away, he rolled over and picked up his watch from the night stand already knowing he'd slept far later than normal, just by the light around the blinds. It was quarter of seven. He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and pulled the blankets over his lap. His eyes traveled to the bathroom doorway and he wondered if she was up for the day or coming back to bed. He didn't have to wonder more than a second more, she stepped out of the bedroom and her surprised gaze met his.

Mac stepped out of the bathroom, trying to be as quiet as possible, her eyes quickly moved to the bed and she stopped instantly, when she saw him sitting there on the edge. Her first she thought as her cheeks began to flame was, Damn it, he wok... But the words died off in her head as she looked at him, noting the slight smile that played about his lips and crinkled the skin around his eyes, her cheeks flamed more and she felt that dark blush travel across every inch of her skin. His eyes twinkled slightly, as if he knew she felt off-center looking at him, it was completely unnerving and left her more than a little tongue-tied.

Neither of them said anything as they held each other's gaze, Tolls eyes seemed to twinkle brighter and Macs cheeks and body grew redder. Determined to regain her composure, she dropped her gaze from his and her eyes drifted lower, the attempt failed however, as she noted his bare chest, the blankets draped across his lap and his long muscular legs hanging over the side of the bed.

Toll watched her, suppressing the chuckle that welled inside him. All of his earlier thoughts disappeared, he found himself completely caught up in her reaction to him. She was adorable with her shy blush and she was obviously, rather inarticulate. He wasn't sure what she was up to when she stepped out of the bathroom, but she was fully dressed and it was made plain by her response she hadn't expected to find him awake. He continued to survey her intently, Ignoring the tightening in his body as her eyes slid over his chest. It occurred to him, maybe he should cover himself, but his clothes were in the bathroom and the purely male part of him liked the idea of this situation too much. He watched her a moment more than asked, teasingly, "going somewhere?" His smile broadening ever so slightly and waited for her gaze to come back to his.

Hearing the teasing note of his voice Mac forced her attention upward away from his chest and caught his gaze. His eyes twinkled more now than they had moments ago and he smiled just a little bit more. Oh, you big Jackass, she found herself thinking. Just like always, he knew when he had her at a disadvantage. Her eyes narrowed, ready to give him some sarcastic retort, but she found she couldn't, her heart beat picking up as she held his gaze. "I wanted to wake you up with coffee." She ended up admitting truthfully, much to her irritation as a shy smile slid onto her lips and her blush deepened.

He liked that idea.

"If I'd known that's what you were doing I'd have pretended to be asleep." He said playfully, after a moment. Completely entertained and certain the words she said hadn't been quite what she'd intended. Toll felt his smile broaden again, could it be she was a little out of her element this morning. His chest growing full at the thought as he continued to hold her gaze, he loved her like this. Cheeks red, completely tongue-tied. Suppressing another chuckle as he watched her gaze narrow.

She scowled at him, but for the life of her, she couldn't think of anything to say. And judging from his barely contained amusement he knew. If it was just his teasing gaze, she could handle it, she'd grown used to that, but it wasn't, it also held a completely disarming quality. She didn't think that part was intentional, it was simply a reflection of them last night. It also didn't help that he sat there on the edge of the bed naked under that quilt. Her eyes drifted down to his chest once again and heat began to swirl around in the pit of her stomach.

"I can lay back down if you want." He offered next, playing with her. Curious to see if she'd make any verbal response.

She narrowed her eyes again as her gaze shot back to his and tried to scowl as she countered, shaking her head dramatically "you lost your chance." She didn't fail to notice she could have come up with a better retort but her mind wasn't cooperating and it was all his fault. Refusing to allow him or his body the upper hand any longer She forced her gaze to move from his and away from him entirely as it turned in the direction of the couch.

Watching her gaze move to the couch followed quickly by her body as she stepped in that direction, he contemplated her for a moment more still amused, then asked, "oh, really?"

Mac heard his question and the playful tone he used to say it. But didn't look at him or respond just continued to walk to where he had placed her boots last night, retrieved them and sat down on the couch, sinking into the plush cushions. Would he move, away from the bed now? A naughty voice inside her asked. Heat swirled inside her as a picture of standing and moving across the room naked filled her head. "Get hold of yourself." Mac grumbled out loud at herself, exasperated with her mind apparent preoccupation with him being naked.

Still sitting on the bed with the blankets draped across his lap, his eyes on the back of her head, Toll smiled broader. Hearing her mumbled voice, but unable to make out the words. "What was that?" He asked, his voice expectant, even though, he doubted shed repeat whatever it was she said to herself. He couldn't help but laugh faintly when she shook her head.

Mac shook her head, the action quickly greeted by a low chuckle coming from the direction of the bed. She finished dressing her feet, her smile broadening than stood, not waiting for him to ask, she announced "I'm going to get coffee" as she turned and met his eyes. Her smile grew again, holding his playful gaze.

For a moment Toll thought about teasing her more, but didn't, just smiled at her instead and when she turned from him and started walking toward the door, he wanted to tease her more and ask her where his good morning kiss was, but he let her go. Still smiling as his eyes drifted over the thin long-sleeved white shirt that hugged her body and the tight blue jeans that rode low on her hips.

The door closed behind her and he chuckled to himself as he stood and let the blankets fall back, then made his way to the bathroom. She was cute, he thought his smile growing. He grabbed his clothes and began dressing, his thoughts continuing, maybe he shouldn't have teased her like that, but he couldn't help it, not when she reacted like she did. It was either that or let his body respond to how shed looked at him and that would have ended up with them in bed again. If he had or if shed initiated it Hed have given it to her, no matter how bad it made him feel later, being with her like that had been... His thoughts paused contemplating what word to use. More. More, was the only word that came to mind. The whole thing had been more than what he'd expected. Way more. Like normal shed disarmed him and he'd given her exactly what she wanted. This time was different from the others, though, this time he'd done the one thing he'd sworn to himself he wouldn't let happen. His words from last night entering his head quickly.

You need to be sure... How could she be sure?

There's no going back... How could she know she wasn't going to want to go back?

Guilt washed over him tightening his stomach again and making it turn.

For the second time today he found himself Reminding himself to save his own guilt for later and that it was better to just concentrate on her and keeping her in a good place today. He finished getting dressed and brushed his teeth, keeping his mind focused on what she might like to do today and not his own self-centered concerns.

* * *

><p>Toll heard her at the door as he stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed. He walked in that direction and grabbed the door knob just as she pushed the door open. His gaze first going to the cups in her hands and a small pastry bag she held there also. He reached out taking the bag and one cup as he stepped back to give her room, then his gaze moved to her face. Her cheeks still held a faint red tinge he noted as she said, "thanks," then stepped past him into the room and approached the table, Toll followed her after he pushed the door closed, his attention on her back.<p>

Mac placed the cup in her hands on the table and felt him step beside her as he did likewise. She didn't feel so tongue-tied any longer, but she wasn't so certain the faint blush she could feel warming her skin wouldn't stick with her all day. In some ways it felt silly that at twenty-eight almost twenty-nine a man could make her feel like this, but in other ways it was no less than what she should have expected given the way he affected her in general. He had a way of leaving her breathless and making her feel cherished all the time, it made sense it would carry over into the intimate things that happened between them. Saying stop loudly in her head, she lifted her gaze to him, trying to will down the blush that stained her skin. It didn't work however. The heat came back quickly, covering her cheeks.

He looked down at her, seeing the bright color that covered her face, wondering what was going on inside her head, what thoughts were steadily turning her cheeks redder and wanted that good morning kiss he'd almost suggested earlier. His eyes moved to her lips and he lowered his head toward her upturned face, placing one single closed mouth brush of his lips against hers and pulled back smiling softly as her eyes opened.

"What are we doing today?" He asked, still gazing down at her as her eyes opened, his gaze traveling over her face.

"I don't know." She replied, still blushing brightly and ducking her head. She turned and sat down in one of the chairs by the table. Her hands and attention turned toward the small pastry bag hed placed on its surface. She opened it, glancing up at him for a moment expectantly and he followed suit, moving around the table and sitting down across from her. She handed him a blueberry scone as he sat, her cheeks growing faintly red again, "I wasn't sure what you'd want."

"It's fine." He said, his attention dropping to the pastry in her hand as he took it from her. "If you'd waited, I'd have gone with you." He teased, that mischievous smile tilted his lips and lit his eyes again. He took a bite of his food before he looked at her again. "But you ran away." Watching the new wave of color that rushed across her face, enchanted by it.

Mac paused in pursuit of her own pastry, the piece shed broke off just an inch from her lips, her blush turning darker again as she looked at him. She arched an eyebrow, he was doing it again. And she was determined to not be completely tongue-tied yet again, but suddenly an image of him sitting on the edge of the bed, his teasing gaze on her filled her head and nothing came out. But as sat there, her mind drifted toward going home.

Toll watched her closely, amusement filling him, until he saw her gaze became clouded and vaguely worried.

"I don't want to go home yet." She couldn't help but feel week from having said those words and her gaze dropped as he said "We don't have to, sweetheart." He spoke again, "hey" he began, leaning over the table a bit and waited for her gaze to come back to his, when it did, he held her gaze and said "We'll do whatever you want to do." His voice reassuring as she held his gaze.

Mac nodded at him, relieved. She pushed the worry away, smiling faintly, she asked "do you have any ideas?"

Toll leaned back in his chair again, following her lead after a moment as her eyes cleared. "I don't know." Then added, a smile tugging at his lips, "have you ever noticed that when I leave these decisions up to you, you put it right back in my hands?"

Mac blushed faintly, and felt her own slight smile playing about her lips, he was right. But she said, "you're a man. I thought you guys liked making all the decisions."

"Some men maybe." He replied, his smile broadening before he added, "I don't mind making some of them, but you could offer some input." One hand still around his coffee cup where it rested on the table between them, the other hand in his lap.

Macs smile broadened fully and she leaned back completely in her chair, folding her arms under her breasts and shook her head at him as a soft chuckle left her lips, her eyes twinkling. "Well then." She began, a look of concentration mixing with the playful look in her eyes, "in that case. I want to go to the lighthouse before we leave town. I want," she stopped pausing for a moment, and Toll watched her, charmed by her facial expression and the tone of her voice. "To go explore some of the beach. I want to go back to the restaurant we ate lunch at yesterday. I want to go to the Mardi Gras museum." toll listened to her, more than a little entertained, he knew beside the lighthouse and the beach the list was most likely for entertainment purposes. But he didn't care, he'd do everything on her still growing list and more. Realizing he hadn't heard the last couple he leaned back in his chair mimicking her pose and arched his eyebrow as he asked "are you done yet?"

Mac closed her mouth not adding the rest of what she was going to say to list shed already given, most of which she couldn't remember. She was going to keep her mouth shut or just say, 'that depends have you learned anything.' But as she held his entertained gaze, with an equally playful one of her own she found herself unable to drop her list just yet. "No, I'm not."

"I'm waiting." He said, when she didn't add anything to her statement.

"I want a kiss."

Shed said it more for his reaction than anything, wanting him at the disadvantage. The room went silently as he continued to look at her, the smile melting from his face as his eyes dropped to her lips and his gaze turned dark. That look made Mac realize she hadn't put him at a disadvantage at all. Macs hearts flipped in her chest as his eyes darkened and dropped to her lips.

Blood surged through his body and his heart began to pound as his eyes dropped to her lips. That primal part of him came to life and he stood, his eyes focused on her ever reddening cheeks. That was one part of her list he was more than willing to comply with. He approached her taking the coffee cup she held in her hand away and sat it down on the table, then reached for her, she came to him willingly, her eyes drifting closed as she tilted her head and he kissed her. His arms shifted, moving around her so he held her against him, her arms slipped upward between them and around him, resting on his shoulders. Her lips moved against his softly, then with increasing heat as he nipped at her lips. Her stomach fluttered, one of her hands slipped up the warm skin of his neck to the back of his head, and she pressed her upper body into his. returning his kiss all most desperately as her body came fully to life.

Toll felt her hand move to the back of his head holding his to her, her body arched into him. The already growing length between him legs strained against the material separating it from what it wanted. His hand tightened against her back feeling the soft material of her shirt bunch under his rough hand as it traveled up her spine. His lips moving against hers with deliberate purpose, her eager response, making it hard to breath.

His hand went to the smooth, heated skin at the small of her back that his other hand traveling up her spine had bared. He felt her tremble and press herself even closer, then she pulled back slightly so she could play with just the tip of his tongue.

That guilty voice questioned, what was happening, but Toll barely heard it. His body responding to hers. She wanted him. The idea of making love to her again took hold of him. He let her set the tone of their kiss, her tongue teasing hip playfully, tangling about it as he started backing her toward the bed. Not even really realizing they were moving till he felt her start to fall back, her hands tightening on him, he put his hands out catching his body, but his lips stayed with hers.

Heat swirled in her stomach, than shifted lower settling heavily between her legs and she began to shake as she kissed him, her tongued, playing teasingly with the tip of his own. Before she knew it the back of her legs connected with something and she fell backwards landing on the soft mattress. At once desperate for them both to be naked and him inside her.

* * *

><p>They were flying over the South Pacific now and would be home in a matter of hours. The mission had gone well, despite the lack of Toll Road, but his absence had served as a reminder at least to Billy that Mac had gone through a pretty horrible ordeal in the last little while. Actually, the whole mission had, without Toll along Caesar himself had been uncharacteristically quiet. He'd argued with Yang a few times, but it wasn't the same. Yang wasn't as easy for Hale to bait as Toll Road was. At times Billy had felt bad for Toll when Hale said things perfectly designed to get the most reaction, just so he could laugh. But it didn't appear to cause any strife in the close friendship the two men shared.<p>

Billy's thought shifted back to Mac and he asked, he knew she went to court tomorrow, but nothing about how she was doing. "Does anybody know how Macs doing?" His gaze traveling from the magazine in his hands to where Hale sat across the plane. The question hadn't been directed at Hale particularly, after all Billy had been present when Toll snapped at Hale, but still Hale was the most likely of the three other men in the cabin with him to know.

Hale lifted his gaze to Billy's and answered truthfully, "I don't really know. I haven't seen Toll anymore than you since we got back Last time."

"She was at Tools last week with Toll. I only saw her for a couple minutes, but she seemed to be doing ok." Gunnar interjected, bringing everyone's attention to him.

The conversation died off with Gunnar's words, each of the men present going back to whatever it was that had held their attention before Billy asked.

Lee heard part of the words exchanged in the back of the plane, his attention turning to Barney, he asked "how is she doing?" Lacey had asked him almost that exact question a hundred times since he'd told her what happened. All he could say in answer being I guess she's doing alright.

Barney, didn't look at Lee nor did he need him to explain who she was. "I don't know."

"You haven't asked Toll how she's doing?" His tone surprised, even though he really wasn't. And Lee still gave Barney a disbelieving look.

"No." Barney answered, his gaze moving to Lee, noticing the disbelieving expression on his face, he asked "what?"

"As usual, you're unbelievable."

Barney scoffed, turning his attention back to the open sky in front of them. The girl had become an albatross at least to Barney. It was bad enough she had Toll waiting on her every whim. Now she had Lee and most likely the rest of his crew wondering about her.

"So, is it all women you don't like or just the ones that date men working for you?" Lee asked, just joking when the question came out.

Barney's gaze shot to Lee, but he didn't say anything.

Lee watched Barney closely and it hit him. Barney was a cold and untrusting man, particularly with woman as Lee knew first hand. "You don't like her?"

* * *

><p>The day wasn't nearly as arduous as shed thought it would be, his presence blanketing and soothing, like normal, wrapped around her. Since she gotten back to the room with coffee this morning, neither of them had mentioned New Orléans or going home again. They'd had left Biloxi using an entirely different route than the one they'd traveled yesterday. They'd stopped several places and Mac had a moment here or there where shed grown anxious, those instances sneaking up on her and catching her off guard, but for the most part shed done alright.<p>

Once they were within an hour of home the anxiousness started seeping in. Mac wasn't certain if Toll sensed the unease that was settling into her or if he'd just decided to bring up Tennessee and their upcoming trip, but either way she was grateful. Shed asked when he thought they could go and he said it depended on Barney and work. It wasn't like he had a schedule, they'd simply have to go the first opportunity they had. When they'd first entered the city her anxiety had started coming back, now that they were less than three miles from her house it rode heavy on her.

She knew it was just her mental state, that nothing with a parochial form awaited her, no monster hiding under her bed or in her closet. It was just ideas, memories, and knowledge of what tomorrow meant. But even that understanding did little to help at this second. You're fine, she said to herself. Those words shed said to herself frequently since that night and usually they helped. But it wasn't so easy to convince herself tonight. Tomorrow she would face something very real, Neal's parents. She took a couple deep, calming breaths, filling her lungs as she reigned in the panic that tried to set in. Shed tried so hard to control the panic and anxiety since shed left Tolls to stay at home, not wanting him or her parents to spend every second worrying about her and she didn't want the guilt he carried to worsen. That last thought helped her to push the anxiety to the back of her mind. Tomorrow was going to be hard enough for all of them, without her loosing it.

She turned her gaze toward Toll as he pulled onto the end of their street than into her drive.

Toll turned his attention to Mac once hed parked and shut off the truck, his gaze searching her face in the dim glow from his trucks cab light. He knew she was anxious, had been for a while now, but he also knew she was trying to hide it from him. It had become a pattern with her and he knew it wasn't just him she behaved thay way with lately. she did it with everyone else also. That knowledge like always made him feel horrible and as usual his conscience whispered, it's all your fault. He studied her a moment more, his eyes drifting over her face and offered, "You can stay with me you know." His voice soft, his gaze serious as it met hers. Some of the anxiety shed pushed to the back of her mind left her the moment he made the offer, she smiled faintly as her gaze dropped to his lips. Here he was being him again, the knowledge made her feel stronger. "I know," she said, her own voice soft as her eyes traveled back to his, then added holding his gaze, "you spoil me." Tolls chest tightened at the look in her eyes and soft, sweet texture of her voice, but he had no idea what reply to make. Did he spoil her? He didn't really see it that way. He was there for her, but for him it was all part of being with her. He wanted to take care of her. Right now, present circumstances had something to do with, but even if none of it had happened, he'd still want it.

"I think I'll stay home." She said, halting his thoughts. He searched her face, then nodded. He knew why she wanted to do this, but still he was reluctant so he said. "you can call me if you need me." Holding her gaze a moment more he added for himself as much as her,"and don't worry about what time it is, just call."

"I know, and I won't." she offered, her voice low. She leaned closer at the same time she lifted her hand to his face, her fingers slid across the rough stubble covering his jaw to the back of his head and kissed him, gently. Catching his bottom lip between hers, then she pulled back. Her hand slipped away and Toll reached out catching it in his.

He wanted her to come home with him just so he knew she was alright and he'd be there to give her whatever she needed, but he didn't argue. "Will you come in for a while?" She asked softly, regardless of her determination to be ok tonight, she wanted him close at least for a bit longer. "Yeah," he said, squeezing her hand a little.

* * *

><p>Mac watched Toll, start his truck and back out of her yard, she took a deep breath and stepped back inside after he drove out of sight. Part of her already wishing she had gone home with him. The idea of sleeping snuggled up close to him was far more appealing than crawling into her own empty bed, with only her worries to keep her company. She reminded herself, if she didn't get hold of herself, the night stretching out before her would be even longer. She could hear her parents low muffled voices coming from the kitchen as she closed the door and kicked off her uggs. It was ten-thirty way past her parents normal bedtime, at least when they were home and she was certain the reason they were still up was her. She walked toward the sectional and sat down, her mind continuing to race.<p>

Toll shut off his truck and got out, heading for his house. He'd made sure she knew if she wanted or needed him to call. He had told her the first time when they arrived at her house and twice more before he'd gotten in his truck just a few minutes ago.

Sighing, as he unlocked his front door and stepped into his house. He reached over and flipped the light switch on as he shut the door, knowing already, sleep would elude him tonight. Really, he wasn't so certain he'd have rested if she was with him, but at least, if she'd come with him, he'd be near her. He sighed heavily again, reaching up with his right hand to rub the tension that had been building since they'd gotten to her house, from the back of his neck, then headed toward his bedroom. He hadn't worked out much lately maybe if he changed and hit the weight bench for a bit, it would be easier to sleep.

Douglas wandered into the living room after he heard Mac come in, she was sitting on the end of the sectional a distant look on her face, he walked closer and sat down next to her, his arm slipping around her slender shoulder and giving them an affectionate squeeze. "Thanks for painting." She said as she settled into his side. "You're welcome."

"How's it going?" He asked, noting the worry seemed to crease her features more since Garrett left. He was surprised she hadn't gone home with the man, he'd expected it. She turned her head and looked at him, some of the anxiousness left her features as she gave him a reassuring smile. "I'm alright." She said, holding his gaze, then turned away and settled it on his shoulder.

He didn't say anything right away, just settled back into the cushions, taking Mac with him. "My brave girl." He said after a bit, his soft voice hitched with emotion. He wrapped his arm tighter around her and kissed the top of her head.

"I don't feel so brave." Mac admitted.

Douglas, continued to sit with his arm wrapped around her, her head resting on his shoulder. "I understand that. I wouldn't expect you to not be nervous and worry about tomorrow. after everything you've been through, most people would fall apart."

"In case you didn't notice I did."

"Yeah, but you're getting better."

"Yeah. But the idea of seeing them tomorrow. His parents... They'll never get to see him get married; they'll never have grandchildren..." Unwilling to let her go any further down this road, Douglas knew it would only make the night harder for her, he spoke up cutting her off, "stop Kamron. What happened.." He paused, the tone he'd begun with was a little harsher than he'd intended, when he began again a moment later it was with gentler tone, "it was horrible. I'd give anything to change it for you, but I can't and you can't let it consume you. You have to decide to be ok. Kamron. It's a choice. You either are or you aren't. And you will be." Mac heard his words, knowing he was right, she told herself these same things several times lately including tonight. But tonight as shed said them to herself they hadn't had the desired effect, but right now hearing them from her dad, they helped. "I know, I've been sitting here trying to tell myself that same thing."

Mac felt him nod against her head before he said "well, it's not always easy to take your own advice. So maybe you should take mine."

"I'll try." She answered then neither said anything for a moment and Douglas found himself contemplating Mac as he'd done a lot lately. Their years of distance made it hard for him to talk with her. He wanted her to know and understand not matter how difficult this was for her, she wasn't alone. He could just leave it as she knew and didn't need him to say it which should be true, but he wanted to tell her. He'd spent so much time through the years frustrated, never making sure she knew he was there if she needed him. And look where it had gotten them.

"I'm not saying it's going to be easy. The things that happened will probably always stay with you. But your strong-willed and you don't have to do it alone. You've got your mother and I. Liam, Beth, good friends all kinds of people who care about you." Then he continued, adding teasingly, "You've got that old man a couple houses down the street." Mac smiled faintly at his reference to Toll, she pulled away from his shoulder and turned on the couch so she faced him. "Does it bother you?" Mac asked curious, watching her father closely.

Douglas thought for a moment, uncertain what to say than began, "He cares for you. And I think he's a decent man. I like him." His mind drifted to another thing he'd spent a lot of time thinking about while she was away, therapy. He knew her so he added carefully. "You're going to be fine Mac. But I do think you need to go back to therapy. Whether you feel like you need to or not. " Noting her facial expression, he continued not giving her a chance to protest. "I think you need to go back. I know what you think about head doctors, and I'm the same way, but I'm pretty certain if you let it, it will help you." She gave him an unconvinced look much like the one shed given him when hed brought it up before and he didn't want to argue with her so he quickly added. "Besides, that man of yours isn't getting any younger. It would be best to get yourself moving forward quickly before he starts going senile, he ain't got that many good years left." He finished with a mischievous smile.

Mac laughed slightly, giving him a doubtful look, "what are talking about, senile, your sixty-two?"

"Exactly. I know. I speak from experience." He replied, then chuckled a little before he continued. "Just ask your mother, she'll tell ya, I ain't half the man I used to be." Mac watched her father amused, an entertained noise escaping her. She almost corrected him. Her mother didn't say half the man; she said a quarter. After a moment his expression turned serious again as he spoke. "I like him Mac. He's interesting, if somewhat awkward by times. Honestly, the age difference bothers me, but he's what you want and your mothers right. He's good to you."

Mac crawled into bed a short time later and curled up with Goose. Shed taken the sleeping pill she hadn't intended to take mainly because she was still afraid she wouldn't sleep without it. She knew she needed to stop taking them, but gave in. After all shed reasoned, her alternative was either staying wide awake all night or dreaming.

She snuggled deeper into the warm blankets surrounding her, the warmth and sleeping pills already lulling her. Her mind drifting over her conversation with her dad, over Toll and tomorrow morning.


	45. Chapter 44

As the miles slipped by Mac found herself drawn back to the court room. She hadn't known how shed feel this morning. Really, she had tried not to think about it. The peaceful feeling that had settled inside her she hadn't expected. Even as images of Neal's parents entered her head she felt peace, shed frozen when she first saw them, unprepared, even though, she had expected them to be there. Shed felt Tolls had settle on the small of her back, and then her lawyer had urged her to move down the isle. She doubted shed ever forgive herself completely nor did she expect Neal's parents too. But the calm that had settled over her, had finally, made her really realize everyday shed get a little bit stronger and that it was all going to be alright. Shed dealt with everything up to this point, by shoving it to the back of her mind. No matter how painful telling that story had been it had in some way given her control of her life again. She knew she'd most likely still have her weaker moments, but it was like her father said, she didn't have to do it alone. The thought brought her gaze to Toll, she watched him a moment. Her eyes traveling over his profile, this whole experience had been hard on everyone, but Toll was the one that worried her. She knew he blamed himself, that was another reason for her to be strong and put this all behind her. Reaching out, she turned her hand palm up and slipped it into his where his where it rested on his leg, threading her fingers through his. Their gazes met and she squeezed his hand slightly.

Toll turned onto the end of their street, and slowed as her parents pulled into her yard, he drove past her house, pulling into his own driveway. He had no idea what she wanted, but he needed a few minutes alone with her, when his attention wasn't taken up with driving or anything else. His eyes moved to her after he shut the truck off, her gaze was on him already and she gave him a faint smile, one he knew was meant to reassure him. He returned it. The tired look in hers eyes made him want to gather her close and keep her there, he knew this morning had been incredibly difficult for her. Shed frozen when she saw Neal's parents as they entered the court room. She maintained a pretty brave face until that moment, in that second he saw it slip. Her lawyer had quickly taken control, urging her to to move away.

The whole thing had been harder than hell for him to see her go through, but the worst part had been watching and listen to her on the stand and not being able to comfort her. It had felt like hour's even though it had only taken about fifty minutes. Hed learned one thing though as he watched her, she was strong. Toll pulled himself away from his thoughts.

He knew, the best thing he could do for her at the moment was follow her lead and be supportive.

Macs gaze traveled over his face, watching as he smiled faintly. Despite that smile she could see the worry.

"I'm alright, I promise." She said soft and reassuringly, she needed him to believe it. Shed seen the look on his face as shed given her testimony. She also knew he was going to agonize and worry over her period, it would only be worse if she allowed his over active mind to add more worry to what he already felt.

* * *

><p>Mac sat in the middle of the bed waiting for Toll to leave the bathroom, the blankets bunched up around her lap, her exhausted gaze on the wooden door. Today had left her zapped, but at the same time, that at peace feeling had stayed with her. She wasn't certain how lasting it would be, right now, she didn't want to think about it. Right now the only thing she wanted to do was what she normally wanted to do. Be close to him. Her body was ready for sleep so was her mind, but she refused to lay down till he was with her. Not because she was afraid of nightmares or anything, but because she didn't want to fall asleep till he was with her.<p>

Toll left the bathroom, his eyes immediately going to the bed, where he knew she'd be. A sleepy, drained look on her face. He paused, in the bathroom door and asked, "do you want me to leave the light on?"

She gave a slight shake of her head and said "no."

Toll looked away and he leaned back slightly, his hand going to the light switch. His gaze came back to her as he moved toward the bed. He found himself thinking about the first time he'd shared his bed with her and found himself a little unsure as he continued to move toward her, holding her tired gaze. Things had changed so much since that night. After everything that had happened it seemed like a lifetime ago, but really it wasn't; it was less than two weeks. But the reason for his uncertainty was all rooted in the things that had happened night before last, not in the times they'd shared a bed previous to that. He knew she could very well, expect and want him to make love to her again. He also knew if she wanted it, he'd do it. After the stressful day, he wouldn't turn her down. Nor did he really want to, he wanted to lay her down and slowly pull her clothes from her body and help them both forget.

Mac watched him, noting the strange look that entered his eyes. She wanted him to stop worrying. Wanted them to put this all behind them. She almost told him to knock it off, but instead said "Hurry up," with moch impatience, trying to draw him out of whatever place his mind had gone as she scooted over in the bed and patted the soft mattress beside her. He snapped out of it, smiling faintly at her as he reached the bed. "Impatient are we?" He asked. Watching her as he reached out and pushed the blankets back. "Yes, I'm tired." She answered, softly.

Toll shut off the light and laid down on his side so he faced her and like the first night they'd spent together, she moved closer snuggling the front of her body against his chest. Toll watched her as best he could in the darkened room, his arms wrapping around her and holding her close. After a moment she lifted herself up on her elbow and leaned over him, her left hand settled softly against his shoulder and her lips brushed his lingeringly. Tolls heart picked up tempo and the hand that had rested on her waist shifted, slipping up her back, not pulling her closer he just rested it between her shoulders. After a moment more she pulled back, looking down at him, she said "good night," softly, before she laid back down, settling against his chest once more. Tolls arm slipped back to her waist and he tightened both about her and within minutes she was asleep, leaving Toll with his thoughts.

* * *

><p>The next morning he woke before her. Surprisingly, he slept alright despite what he'd expected and he was fairly certain that was because shed stayed with him. He hadn't had to worry about if she was sleeping or awake worrying. Not to mention, Having her close to him like this always felt right. Sunday night after he left her to go home, his mind hadn't quieted at all. It had jumped from guilt over Neal, to guilt over what had happened between them the night before. When shed called him at five in the morning, he'd barely gotten two hours of sleep. But he'd still gotten up, gotten dressed and ran with her. Shed been anxious, he could hear it in her voice and when shed knocked on his door and stepped inside hed seen it in her eyes. Hed worried about how she do yesterday, but he had to say he was rather proud of her. Regardless of how stressful yesterday had been and nervous and afraid she might have been, shed handled everything remarkably well.<p>

He turned his head looking in her direction. Like normal she wasn't curled up next to him anymore. His gaze traveled over her sleeping form. She was obviously a stomach sleeper, she was always on her stomach when he woke with her. There was something stupidly cute about it, at least to him. He smiled tenderly. It wasn't lost on him that he found most of the things she did cute. He moved closer, on his side, one hand going to her shoulder as he rolled her onto her side then his arm slipped around her waist and he moved closer still. He bent his right arm under his head as he pulled her closer. She made a sleepy noise, snuggling deeper into his chest.

Mac didn't want to wake, she was so deliciously warm, but for some reason she couldn't really move. Her eyes came open slowly and her senses fully awakened, she found herself wrapped securely in Tolls arms. A vivid image of walking into the court room and seeing Shelly and Kevrin entered her head, a horrible feeling tried to claim her and chase away the contented feeling surrounding her, but she didn't allow them. She shoved it away and lay there a moment longer, eyes closed, soaking up the warmth of his body than rolled onto her back. His arms loosened but he kept her in his embrace. She wasn't surprised, but still she blushed when she found his eyes open and on her. He lifted himself up resting on his elbow, his gaze soft and searching as his eyes traveled over her face. She continued to look at him, a moment then her eyes drifted lower and watched a tender smile appear on his lips. "Good morning." He said, his voice scratchy. Mac watched his mouth form the words before her eyes traveled back to his. Another blush warmed her skin as she answered him likewise.

Toll watched her, enchanted like normal. Her faint blushes always had that effect on him. She seemed alright this morning, for which he was grateful. But something else distracted him from that thought and any like ones that might follow. He hadn't had this moment with her yet. Hed woke up with her next to him, he'd even watched her sleep, tenderness spreading throughout him. But he'd never had this.

This morning she was all sleepy and soft, her little body snuggled against him, a soft blush staining her skin, a faint happy smile teasing her full lips. And he loved it. His chest tightening anew with all those feelings he always felt for her.

Mac wanted to kiss him, her chest growing full as she watched him look at her. His gaze filled with a soft look, he made her feel fragile and cherished. Almost like she was the thing he valued most. Oh stop it, you sound like a ninny she said to herself. Her gaze focused on his lips again and that kiss she wanted, but she wasn't so certain she wanted to subject him to her morning breath just yet. So she settled for lifting her head and kissing the rough skin of his cheek, her hand slipping to his other cheek, he'd been clean-shaven yesterday, both his head and his face. So only lite stubble teased her fingers, she still enjoyed the feel of it under her hand however. She fell back against his arm once more, her gaze meeting his, his eyes twinkled slightly. The slightly amused look left his eyes and his gaze changed, his eyes drifting to her lips and a shiver whispered across Macs skin.

"Are you hungry?" Toll asked, trying to distract himself from other ideas. Ones to do with her and him in bed.

"Are you cooking?" She asked, teasingly, her gaze drifting over his face.

"I guess I can cook the caterer breakfast if that's what she wants." He began, smiling at her teasing tone, his gaze drifted to her lips as he continued, "what would you like?"

"what do you have?" She asked, liking the idea of him cooking for her more and more. Her head, still resting on the pillow, cocked to an angle as she waited for him to reply. Her gaze left his and drifted across his face, pausing on his lips.

"How's sausage, eggs, and corned beef hash sound?" Toll replied, watching her eyes drift across his face, stopping at his lips then drop lower, over his jaw and down his neck.

"Yummy!" she enthused as her eyes came back to his face. Tolls brow furrowed and that slight smile tugged at his lips a little harder.

Mac wandered into the kitchen after shed used the bathroom and brushed her teeth, still in her pjs. Toll stood in front of the stove cooking. The sweet smell of maple sausage and the salty odor of hash had filled her nose and made her mouth water as soon as shed stepped out of the bathroom. Her gaze traveling down his back as she walked closer, he like her still wore the clothes hed slept in, grey jogging pants and a white t-shirt that fit snugly to his shoulders. Last night as he climbed into bed with her shed been so exhausted she hadn't thought them being together, now since that look he'd given her she wanted him to. For a moment as she watched him, she contemplated starting something between them, her cheeks instantly turned red. For some reason the idea made her painfully shy. It struck her as especially odd, given the fact she's the one that had originally started their intimacy of the other night. In the end she just walked closer and asked if there was anything she could do to help him. He placed a soft quick kiss on her lips and then told her she could get the dishes out of the cupboard.

* * *

><p>Wednesday morning Mac went to work, she could see her mother thought it was too soon, but Toll and her father seemed supportive. Yesterday, she'd done fine. Still a little anxious, she thought about Neal's parents and the looks on their faces as they had listened to her recount what happened, but she hadn't allowed herself to dwell on it. Everybody had seemed willing to follow her lead. Jake had stopped by and visited for a few hours, he was leaving Friday to go home. Hed been the only one to outright ask how she was doing.<p>

He'd spent most of the time he was there, talking with Toll or Liam. Mac was glad to see Toll and Jake seemed to get along. like her father and Liam, Jake seemed to be interested in Tolls athletic career. That conversion had eventually branched out into other fields and eventually, Jake had regaled Toll with stories of her from years ago. Some off them embarrassing her as he'd recounted the wilder creature shed been years ago. Over embellishing some of the stories and on more than one occasion she had to correct Jake's telling of events. Toll would shift his gaze to her every so often, his amusement obvious. She couldn't help but think about the conversation she had that night in the bar with Toll when shed told him, Jake knew better than to tell her stories. Jake obviously didn't share her view-point. It was also obvious to her, Toll remembered that conversation also. Later that night before he'd gone home he teased her about the stories Jake had told him. Shed shut him up, saying softly, "think about how different everything would have been if you'd found me years ago." It was just a silly pointless comment shed made for no real reason.

His gaze had changed then and his eyes drifted over her face and she was certain if her parents weren't in the next room, he'd have kissed her.

No one talked about Neal or the things that had happened, but listening to Jake tell stories made her think of Neal as if Jake knew what was going on in her head, he switched to a different topic.

Toll received the phone call from Barney shortly after Mac left for work. Hed been planning on going and finding him and Hale this morning anyway, he needed to touch base with Barney and he had felt kinda bad about snapping at Hale that day. His friend had just been concerned and Toll had bit his head off. He knew what the phone call most likely meant even before he answered it. He'd been expecting it and sooner rather than later, but had hoped for the later.

They'd all given him a pretty wide berth since he'd gotten home and found out what happened, Barney had only called him once before their last mission and he hadn't seen any of them since that day at Tools. Tool had called him Monday afternoon to see how she was so really Barney at least probably knew.

Toll answered the phone on the third ring. "Hey."

"Hey. We've got a job. Are you good to go?" Toll didn't want to leave her, but she was doing better and he didn't like the idea of leaving the guys short a man again. "Yeah," he said after a moment. "Alright, we have a briefing in twenty minutes if you can make it."

"I'll be there."

* * *

><p>Barney was sitting on his bike in Tools parlor talking with Lee and the man himself when Toll walked,out of the back room with Caesar. Caesar had drawn Toll into conversation as soon as they'd finished the briefing.<p>

Barney had heard Caesar and Tool ask how Mac was doing and maybe it was because of the shit Lee had given him about not asking himself, but a couple minutes later when Toll and said, "I'm leaving," he found himself asking, "how is she?" Noticing both Tool and Lee gave him a surprised look, he ignored them.

"Alright," Toll said after a moment. "I think now that courts behind her, it'll be easier."

"What's she going to think about you leaving?" Lee asked.

"I don't know. She'll be alright. Her parents will be here till Sunday and Liam will be around." Toll had said the last part purely for himself, needing to remind himself that she wouldn't be alone, that someone would be there if she needed anything. Tool spoke up, "tell her to call me if she needs anything and to feel free to just stop by." Toll nodded his head and said, "thanks, I'll let her know." Then turning his attention back to the others he said "I'll see you guys in a while." Referring to them all meeting at the hangar in two hours to load stuff up. They were leaving at five in the morning so the plan was to prepare this afternoon.

"I'm proud of you." Lee announced, sarcastically, his gaze still on the door Toll had just walked out of.

"That took a lot of personal growth." Lee added to his previous words a second later.

Barney gave him a skeptical look, even though the Hale and Tool were present, Barney knew his words were directed at him. "What's that," barney asked. After a moment Lees gaze came back to Barney.

"You actually acted like a human." He continued, Barney rolled his eyes and made a scoffing noise.

* * *

><p>Toll had thought about not telling her he was leaving till later tonight, but knew that wouldn't work so as he stepped into her office that was all he could think about. Anna stepped into the reception area almost as soon as the doorbell went off. She gave him a friendly smile and said, "she's in her office. Go on back." Then disappeared back through the door shed entered from. Toll stood there for a second, a large part of him really not wanting to do this. He didn't want to tell her he was leaving, let alone actually leave. After another minute he followed Anna through the door then down the hallway to the right of the kitchen that led to Macs office.<p>

She sat at her desk, head down, he stood back from the doorway just looking at her for a bit. His gaze traveled over her, her long dark hair was pulled back in a pony tail a burgundy colored sweater hugged her shoulders. She looked up, a smile instantly lighted her face.

Mac was trying to get the stack of bills and papers on her desk signed and gone through, she looked up sensing someone in the doorway, she hadn't expected him to stop by and see her, but was more than happy he was here. A bright smile appeared on her face as she continued to sit there. Her eyes stayed on him as he stepped into the office and he smiled in her return.

"What brings you by?" She asked, her smile growing slightly. Her happy expression made him forget for a moment he was leaving. "Oh, for some reason, I wanted to see this pretty little woman who works here." He teased, watching her as he moved closer to her desk. Mac watched him, her smile growing impish before she said "well give me a couple minutes to finish this up and I'll help you find her." He nodded his head, charmed as usual. Watching her closely as her gaze went back to the stack of papers in front of her. She offered after a moment, "you can sit down," looking up at him, she shifted her gaze from him to the empty chairs in front if her desk, then back to him.

He took her offer of a seat, her gaze turned back to her papers and his mind returned to what he had to tell her. He knew he just needed to say it, taking a deep breath, he said. "I have to leave, sweetheart."

Macs stilled. He was leaving her and she knew he didn't mean just to go home, she'd known he'd leave her again soon. When shed thought about him leaving her again she'd been ok with it, but now that it was actually happening she didn't feel so easy. She wasn't afraid of anything, she had just grown used to him being close. Her gaze shifted from the papers on her desk and she looked up at him, seeing the uneasy look in his eyes as he gaze searched hers, she shoved her own thoughts aside and asked, "When? How long?"

"Tomorrow and a week." He answered, his chest tightening as he watched her.

That long, her mind questioned. She willed the feelings welling inside her away again and took a deep breath. "Where are you going?" She continued to hold his gaze seeing the uncertainty that lingered there. She didn't want him to worry or feel bad. Shed be fine.

"Uzbekistan."

"Why?" She inquired before she remembered there were something's he couldn't tell her. "Sorry, I forgot there are things you can't tell me." She apologized and watched his feature soften, but then his eyes quickly filled with something else. The look was gone as quickly as it appeared, but it looked like guilt. She stood, walking to the front of her desk then sat on its edge.

"I'll be fine," she said encouragingly. She didn't want him to feel guilty about doing his job. "I have some stuff left to do," she began, leaning her body forward, before she finished, "but when I'm done can I spend the rest of the day with you?"

Toll nodded, holding her gaze, "yeah," he began, smiling softly at her question. Like she even needed to ask. He looked down at his watch, as his gaze came back to hers he finished, "I have things I need to do also, but I can probably be done around four or four thirty."

That was all, her mind whispered. That didn't leave much time, but she pushed away her disappointment, knowing if he saw it he'd only feel worse. "I'll be waiting," she replied, returning the soft smile that tugged at his lips with her own. He almost suggested he take her out to dinner tonight, but as soon as the thought entered his head, he knew he didn't want to spend part of his last night with her for a week in a crowded restaurant. He wanted her to himself.

Once he'd left her office, he went home to pick some stuff up he needed to take to the hangar. Shed asked him if she could stay with him tonight. For a second panic had hit him, how could he explain the gun case he'd have to take with him, but as quickly as the panic set in it left him. His mind already working toward a solution he'd said yes. But now, as he carried his gun case out to his truck with the other stuff he needed to take to the hangar he felt horrible. And soon the whole situation made him feel even worse. Shed blindly accepted what he'd said to her before. She even apologized for asking why, he was going. It had saved him having to outright lie to her, but that didn't make him feel any better and now he was coming up with ways to get his guns out of the house without her knowing. He told himself there as no other way, his conscious was there, quickly, reminding him that's what he'd said before. He forced that voice to quiet, refusing to think about it. He made one last trip into his gun-room, just to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. His eyes traveled about the room as he scanned his surroundings and went through a mental checklist. He decided it was also best to grab his Kevlar and some other stuff he wouldn't want her to see. He paused when his eyes alighted on those elephants on the shelf over the workbench, he walked closer and picked them up. Maybe he'd give them to her today.

Mac pulled into her driveway around three, the weather seemed to fit the atmosphere that had surrounded her since Toll had told her he was leaving. The sky was dark and gloomy, rain fell at a medium pace and there was a chill in the air. In simpler terms it was depressing, she really didn't want him to go. She wished shed had more notice that he was going. She stopped her thoughts, refusing to feel bad for herself, after all he'd be home after an hour or so. she climbed out of her jeep, pulling her jacket tighter around her as she made a dash for her front steps.

Toll walked out of the hangar and climbed into his truck and checking his watch as he went. It was earlier than he'd expected, three thirty. All afternoon a nagging little voice had followed him, telling him all of this was lie even if not a verbal one. He knew it was true, but he wouldn't even let himself contemplate doing anything else. Hed ignored the voice and decided he'd cook dinner for them rather than order take out. For a minute as he started his truck he thought about stopping at the grocery store on his way home, but decided instead he'd pick Mac up and take her with him if she wanted to go. He pulled out his phone dialing her number.

"That was good." Mac said, after she finished the food hed cooked. Hed said he was cooking for them and he had, not letting her do anything beside clean and chop The zucchini and onions. And peel the potatoes. Toll leaned back in his chair smiling at her faintly, "not as good as if you'd cooked it though." He said, teasingly. "No, not at all." She replied, thinking about the steak and vegetables Hed cooked.

"I need to pack my clothes." He said next, the playful look of moments ago fading from his eyes.

Mac didn't like the reminder he was leaving her. But she also knew he had to.

"I have something for you." Toll said, dragging her from her thoughts. She looked up at him, smiling curiously, "you do?"

Toll nodded, noting the curious and happy look on her face he said, "I do." Then continued to sit there watching her, smiling himself.

"Where is it?" Mac asked after a moment when he failed to move.

Tolls smile broadened, noting her growing impatience. He purposely waited, watching her.

Mac knew what he was doing. Her eyes twinkling and her smile growing brighter she asked. "Well?"

"Well what?" He asked, pasting a confused look on his face.

Mac shook her head, giving him a dirty look. "Jackass."

Toll chuckled and teased, "now Kamron, is that anyway to threat a man who has a present for you." Mac narrowed her eyes, but still smiled. Chuckling again, softly, he said "It's on my dresser."

He followed her as she got up and went to his bedroom and saw her smile become sweet and happy as she picked the elephants up. His chest tightening as he watched her. "I love them." She said, her voice sweet, like her smile, her eyes came back to his. "I brought them back from India," he found himself saying and his body tensed. He watched her closely seeing the shadow that crossed her face at the mention of that time. Maybe he should have waited longer. The shadow left quickly, her smile came back and she said, "thank you." He still felt like an ass.

Mac saw that look, she knew he was now going to beat himself up for mentioning that time away and India. He needed to stop. Shed come to realize there was always going to be a reminder, a word said by someone, a place, a memory, but she also understood how those things affected you was based on how you let it. Sometimes, that might not always be so easy, but she refused to let anything ruin his gift or how it made her feel. Stepping closer, she said, "What happened.." Then trailed off, knowing she needed to be careful how she worded things. If she said anything the wrong way it would only make the guilt he carried for the things he done worsen. But she also knew if he figured out Neal had told her, he'd never be able to forgive himself. So she proceeded carefully, the words she chose weren't comforting, but they were truthful. "What happened. Happened." She said holding his gaze, needing him to not just listen, but hear her. "There's always going to be a reminder Toll, but I have to let go and I need you to do the same." There was more she could say on the subject, but she didn't. The light in his eyes didn't change, but he nodded in agreement and Mac changed the subject, smiling at him softly, she said "now let's get you packed."

Toll knew what she was doing and knew she was right so he followed her lead, smiling softly he said, "alright."

Mac quickly cleaned up the kitchen which wasn't difficult seems he was one of those people who cleaned up after themselves as he cooked. She basically need to rinse dishes, wipe down cupboards and fill the dishwasher. Then she went back to his room and helped him finish packing his clothes. Smiling softly, at how much she liked helping him.

It didn't take long for them to finish up and when they were done, Toll asked, her if wanted to watch a movie, she just shook her head no as he sat his bag down close to the front door. "Then, what do you want to do?" He asked, watching her as she sat down on the couch. "Why don't you tell me more about the places you've been." She suggested, he had already told her some stuff, but she was still curious and she didn't want him to have even the slightest chance to think about other things. He walked closer and sat down beside her, Mac had to get the ball rolling of course, but afterward he talked freely and answered her questions. She was careful to not ask why he was in these places, most of her questions were about culture and the people themselves. She found herself in aw, of everything Hed seen and done, yet again, and slightly jealous.

Eventually, his look turned serious and he asked, "are you going to be alright?"

The searching look in his eyes made her body go soft and warm instantly. She knew he needed her to tell him so she said softly, "yeah, I'm gonna be ok." He didn't say anything, his eyes drifted over her face stopping on her lips and she scooted closer across the couch cushions. He didn't raise his gaze to hers it stayed on her lips, her hand reached up touching his cheek, she leaned forward and brushed his lips gently with her own. She felt his lips move against hers and her other hand came up, slipping across the cheek she wasn't already touching.

He kissed her back softly, forgetting everything at the heat of her response, her hands left his face and slipped to his waist. Her little fingers tightened against his sides and she pressed her mouth closer to his, the tip of her tongue slipped past his lips, touching his almost shyly. Toll played with her tongue, coaxing it deeper into his mouth. Before he knew it, he was standing and taking her with him, still kissing her, his hands went to her wrists and he guided them upward to his shoulders. He left them there and his hands went to her back, pulling her closer as he leaned over her deepening the kiss, he pressed her closer still so her body was flushed to his before his hands slid to her hips and he lifted her, her arms slipped securely around his neck as he urged her legs around him.

Mac felt his hands wrap around her hips and then lift her up, her legs immediately went around his thick waist. Tightening, around him. His hands left her hips one, settling into the small of her back the other slightly higher. Her lips were just a bit higher than his and it was a new experience to kiss him like this. Her arms unwrapped from around him, one hand went to his cheek, the other settling against the back of his neck. She angled his head back some, her lips caressing his, teasingly, like he did with her. Shed playfully nip his lips, pull back and look at him, then kiss them softly. Both of her hands found their way to his face as she leaned back slightly.

Toll played with her, letting her tease his lips as he began to move with her across the living room, mindful he didn't run into anything with her. He kept a tight grip on her. Using the moments her lips weren't against his to check his progress toward his bedroom. When he reached his room and his bed he leaned down, placing her carefully on the soft mattress, his arms slipped from around her then he braced his hands against the mattress, one on each side of her, he pulled back looking down at her. Her eyes were alight with soft desire and she bit down on her bottom lip. The sight of her made his chest tightening. God help him, there was no way he could stop this even if wanted to, he found himself lowering his head, not waiting for her to look at him, he brushed the lip she still held between her lips with a kiss. Then pulled back meeting her gaze again, she slipped back on the bed resting partly on her elbows and he followed her leaning closer to nip at her bottom lip, that gasping noise he liked so much escaped her. He lifted his head, his lips hovering just above hers, he placed one knee on the bed first and she moved back more, then more still. And Toll followed, his other knee coming to the bed, between her spread knees, he kissed her again, this time lingeringly as she moved her body back again. Toll followed her movements, advancing on her as she slid further back to make room for him. Eventually, he settled over her, stretching out his legs, he lowered his lower body against hers. She kissed him back eagerly, soft, breathy noises escaping her, the leg that wasn't trapped between his thighs came up bending at the knee and rubbing against his hip.

Macs hands moved between their bodies, slipping to his waist and she tugged at his shirt, wanting it gone. He didn't stop her, actually he helped her. Her fingers pulled his shirt completely free of the waist of his pants, her lips still playing with his as she propelled the soft material up his torso. She felt his hand against both of hers, hers dropped away and he lifted his lips from hers as he yanked his shirt off. Macs eyes drifted to his chest, but he barely gave her time to glance at it and his mouth was on hers again.

* * *

><p>Toll watched her sleeping form in his bed for a moment before he approached her. His chest tightening painfully. Every moment since he'd woken, showered and gotten dressed his mind had fixated on her. Jumping from one thing to the next. Her words about the things that had happened to her. Should he have sat this mission out? Was it too soon to leave her alone? Would she really be alright while he was gone? He knew she had been doing better, but the knowledge that he wouldn't be here drove him nuts. None of the reassuring things tried to tell himself had helped. He just wanted to be here with her.<p>

He walked closer and at down beside her, carefully, watching her a moment more. He leaned closer, and reached out brushing her hair from her face. "Mac, sweetheart."

She woke up at the sound of his voice, her eyes opened and she turned looking up at him as she stretched, her cheeks turning red when she felt his soft sheets slip across her naked skin.

Toll looked down at her, the faint glow from the hall light illuminated her features enough for him to see her blush, he said softly, "I have to leave in a few minutes, hon."

Her gaze drifted over as much of his shadowed face as she could see. "Alright," she said after a moment, even though she wanted to say no. Toll smiled faintly at her expression, tenderness working through his body, he certain, alright, wasn't what she wanted to say. He didn't want to leave her either. His chest grew full as he thought for a split second about offering to let her stay here till she was ready to get up. She looked so comfortable and adorable and part of him, more than liked the idea of her sleeping in his bed, even when he wasn't there, but in the end he didn't. He knew if he offered and she accepted, he'd drive himself nuts worrying about what he might have left lying around that shed see while he was gone."Why don't you get up while I take my stuff out to my truck." He suggested.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope everyone likes this chapter! I thought I'd let you all know it could two weeks or maybe longer before I get another update posted!<strong>

**And Happy Thanksgiving!**


	46. Chapter 45

Mac stepped inside her house and as cheesy as she knew it sounded, she already missed him and now that he'd actually driven off and she knew he wasn't coming back she felt a little anxious. She found Goose eagerly waiting for her at the door, his tail thumping loudly on the floor. She took off her jacket, hung it up and kicked off her uggs, before she knelt down, petting him affectionately. Then wandered to the kitchen, she could hear her mom moving around in there.

Her mom was busy cutting ham up into small chunks when Mac stepped into the room, she also noted the empty frozen spinach packages and the block of Monterey Jack cheese as she moved closer. Her mom was cooking one of her favorite breakfast. Her gaze left the island counter and traveled to her mom as she sat down.

Maggie had heard Mac when she opened the front door and at that moment was wondering if Mac would be home soon. Mac had told both her and her father, Toll had to leave early before she disappeared last night. When Mac first stepped into the room Maggie had noted the resigned, slightly dejected expression her daughter wore, and smiled faintly to herself. And she wondered if her daughter had worn that expression when shed said goodbye to Garret. She hoped not, if Mac had he was likely feeling pretty horrible right now. Smiling a little more to herself as Mac approached the island, eyeing the food Maggie was preparing. Shed chosen to make impossible pie for breakfast specifically because she knew it was one of Macs favorites and shed wondered if her daughter might not need a little pick me up, normally shed only make it on holidays like Christmas or Easter.

Shed wondered last night how Mac was going to do with her Garret leaving. Mac seemed to be doing much better in general, but Garret had been here with her, now that he was leaving for a week Maggie hoped Mac still did alright. Douglas seemed to think she'd do fine, but Maggie worried. Especially, when Maggie thought about leaving Sunday.

Mac met her gaze again as she perched on one of the stools across the room and said "Good morning, mom."

"Good morning." Maggie responded in kind, smiling at Mac before her attention went back to the food she was preparing. Neither said anything for a moment.

"So he's gone?" Maggie asked, glancing up at Mac.

"Yeah." She sounded a little deflated to Maggie. Maggie smile turned soft when she saw the same tint in Macs gaze shed heard in her voice. She wasn't happy Mac was sad, but she was happy Mac had someone in her life after all shed been through. "Can I help with breakfast?" Mac asked, the morose expression of moments ago gone.

"I just need to mix everything up now and get it in the oven. You could get me a baking dish, though."

Slipping from her stool, Mac walked to the cupboard. "So what are your plans for today?" Maggie asked as Mac pulled a pan from the cupboard. "I'm going to work." Mac replied as she stood and moved toward her mother. She was behind on so much stuff and she had a scheduled appointment with her accountant in the early afternoon. Jake suddenly popped into her head, maybe shed call him and see if he wanted to get lunch with her. He was leaving tomorrow and shed like to spend a little time with him before he left. But she was going to be busy, really busy all day. She needed to work on menus for the harvest dinners for the veterans center and start ordering the things she needed for that. She also needed to try to set up a meeting with the ladies from the children's shelter about the carnival, she added a mental note to remind herself, she needed to call Tess and see if she was up for volunteering at this year. So her Jake plan changed and she said, " I think I might invite Jake over for dinner tonight. He's leaving tomorrow." Maggie nodded and said "that would be good."

"I'll call Beth and invite them over also."

* * *

><p>After Toll dropped Mac off and turned off the end of the street, his mind turned to the mission ahead. His hand, gripping the cool vinyl covered steering wheel tightly as he made the turn onto the main road. His grip loosened, the semi rough texture of the material sliding under his palm as he straightened the wheel. He hadn't spent much time thinking about before now, his focus taken up with Mac. While he tried to gauge if she was really going to be alright while he was gone. As much as he'd questioned whether he should really be leaving right now, he knew it was for the best that he hadn't sat this one out. It was an all hands on deck sort of mission and really it could turn into a trip to hell quickly. That's why he was going to be gone so long this time, all the prep and recon work would take several days.<p>

Another warlord had popped up, that in itself was common enough. They popped up all the time all over the globe. Warlords and arms dealers were run of the mill in this business. They were always a nasty lot, but this one was particularly so.

His name was Usman Kamal and his army was presently trying to wrestle control of Uzbekistan's uranium mines from the country's government. Uranium had value on the black market for its nuclear potential, whether it was in its raw state or refined. So far, in the last two months, several skirmishes had broken out on transport routes and at the mines themselves. Several tuns had gotten stolen and several civilian and military lives had been lost. The casualties reaching over two hundred, Uzbek military personnel, mine workers, and a hand full of innocent bystanders, who just happened to be driving in the wrong place at the right time. Fortunately, they hadn't been entirely successful in their campaign to take the mines. The local military had managed to hold them off.

It was another CIA contract job. No doubt, the powers that be wanted the problem resolved as quickly and quietly as possible, before it gained international attention and the U.S. military had no choice but become involved. The intel Church had given Barney gave them the location of the safe house Kamal used when he was in Uzbekistan and at present he was there.

No one on the team was particularly enthusiastic about the fact that Kamal was allowing his whereabouts to be known. That could only mean two things. One, he was inviting trouble or two, he was stupid. They could only hope it was stupidity.

Their job was find him, kill him and like most of these situations the CIA believed if you cut off the head of the proverbial beast the body would die.

When Toll arrived at the hangar a half hour later, Barney and Lee where already present doing the preflight check. Everyone else showed up over the course of the next few minutes, Hale first, followed quickly by Billy, Gunnar and Yang seconds later. They were in the air within twenty minutes. Shortly after the wheels left the ground Toll found her invading his thoughts again.

* * *

><p>Late afternoon came, answering the promise of rain that hung heavy in the air since Mac had woke up. It fell in slanted sheets, filling the gutters on buildings and gathering in the ditches along the city streets, it was raining hard enough to flood the lower sections of sidewalk as she drove from her office to her house. Her wipers tapping out a tempo as they slid back and forth across her windshield.<p>

Like yesterday, the weather seemed to fit her mood. And it was all due to Toll leaving. All day shed felt off. Not really depressed just strange. After being with him everyday for so long it was weird to think she wouldn't see or talk to him for the next seven days.

She had hoped in the moments she thought about him leaving again, that the first time he left it would only be a short trip, maybe three or four days. But shed kept that hope silent.

She wanted to say no you are not leaving, when he'd woke her this morning, she knew those had been a silly string of words of a slightly childish vain, but after spending so much time with him lately, she knew she would miss him like crazy. She would regardless, but shed spent almost every moment she hadn't been at work, with him since he'd gotten back. And Toll made sure he was around when she got home, he'd even stopped by her work to see her a couple times. So now it just felt weird.

This morning, she had tried not to say anything that would make him feel bad about going away, before he'd left. Knowing, he would worry enough about her without her adding to it and that was the last thing she wanted.

"Knock it off, he only left this morning," she said out loud to herself. It was going to be an awfully long week if she started lamenting his absence now. She turned her thoughts instead to the company she had coming over tonight.

She mentioned to her mom this morning that she'd like to invite Jake over for dinner. Hed been around quite a bit, but he was leaving tomorrow and lord only knew how long it would be before he came back again. So when he'd stopped by her office with a steamy travel mug of Mexican hot chocolate, his mom had made this morning (She preferred the bitterness of this hot chocolate to the overly sweet taste of the prepackaged stuff ) shed asked him if he wanted to come over for dinner.

* * *

><p>"Look at her." Jake said, his voice amused. He leaned further over the island, resting on his elbows and cast a conspiratorial look in Liam's direction.<p>

Liam met Jake's gaze for a minute before she turned his amused regard on Mac. "Pathetic, isn't she," he said with mock severity, from his perch on a stool, to her right at the end of the island. Mac adjusted the squirming baby Charlotte in her lap, smiling at the cubby little angle then looked at Liam. She wasn't surprised to find his gaze twinkling, full of mischief. Mac narrowed her eyes at him playfully. Then turned her gaze to Jake, gifting him with the same scowl, shed given her brother, a faint smile playing at her lips.

Shed made the error of telling Jake she was going to miss Toll so he had teased her ever since he'd shown up at her house and Liam being Liam, had joined in on the fun, so far she hadn't said anything, knowing regardless, if she confirmed what they said, argued or told them to shut up it wouldn't do her any good. They seemed determined to embarrass and annoy her. And shed still be quote unquote pouting and sulking or something else.

Beth, whom occupied the stool beside Mac on her left, spoke up. "You two are just jealous. You both wish you had someone who would miss you if you went away."

"Oh, you'd miss me." Liam declared, definitively as he arched a challenging eyebrow at Beth.

"You think so?" Beth questioned, her voice unconvinced, a playful smile tugging at her lips. Macs slight smile broadened as she watched the exchange between Liam and Beth.

At that minute Macs mom walked into the room and Jake spoke up ignoring Liam and Beth, he said, "what do you think Maggie? Is Mac pouting?"

Maggie looked between Jake and Mac. Mac had turned on her stool to look at her mom. Smiling, Maggie replied, after a moment, "maybe a little bit." Mac bestowed her dirty look on her mom this time.

"What are we talking about?" Douglas asked as he entered the room seconds later, drawing everyone's attention. "Mac sulking." Liam announced. Douglas nodded his head in agreement at Liam opened his mouth, but Mac cut him off, "I am not sulking!"

"Then what would you call it?" Jake asked, his voice laughing. Mac turned her scowl on him and shook her head. "Pining maybe?" Liam asked.

"Oh, leave the poor girl alone," Douglas announced, his voice serious. Moments later, however, he spoke again, his voice amused. "She's just twitterpated."

Mac felt her cheeks turn warm and her gaze swung to her father before she said, amusement in her voice, "whatever! I cook all of you dinner and now you're being jackass'."

"What are you yelling at me for?" Douglas asked, trying to look innocent. "I was sticking up for you."

"Mhm," Mac mumbled, her scowl firmly in place. "That's not what it sounded like to me, _dad_." She finished, arching her eyebrow for emphasis. Douglas merely chuckled and said, "well then."

When Jake spoke again a second later, surprisingly enough, it wasn't more crap about Mac missing Toll. "I'm supposed to stop by Old Point tonight, Marks band is playing." Mac turned her gaze back to Jake, watching as he looked around the table and continued, "why don't we all go?" Then the twinkle came back to his eyes and he said, "Macs all for it I'm sure."

"Not if it's a repeat of the last time I'm not." She said dryly. Her face turning red, she remembered all too well, him daring her onto the stage. Jake's gaze confirmed he knew exactly what she was referring to and Mac smiled despite herself. Jake just laughed.

* * *

><p>The loud strains of what sounded like a cover version of Kid Rocks, All Summer Long could be heard as soon as Mac climbed out of Jake's dads truck. The rain had stopped, but a heavy, wet, cold hung in the air, Mac reached up tugging the thin black material of her north face jacket higher around her neck. She walked around the front of the truck, avoiding the big puddle that had formed against the curb of the sidewalk in front of his truck. Then looked up smiling at Jake. No matter how embarrassing he was she was grateful she could call him friend. In some ways she'd been closer to him through the years than even Liam. And shed realized tonight as shed sat there being teased and tormented that it was important to her that Toll like him also. Before Toll came along Jake had been the one she depended on most, that was something she didn't think shed really realized till today. Just when Mac had needed a pick me up and to just feel better there he was. Cheering her up and making her laugh. She walked closer, bumping her shoulder into his and smiled brighter as they waited for Liam and Beth, they'd had to park slightly further down the street and were presently walking toward them hand in hand. Mac looked around wondering where Tess was they called and invited her also. She showed up just as they reached the door. In away coming out tonight had felt wrong, after everything that happened lately, but shed pushed the thought way when she'd had it.<p>

Walking into the Old Point without Toll felt strange. And for a moment it made her miss him more. Feeling another pang of some nameless emotion as she thought about the next week. Oh knock it off, she found herself saying to herself yet again. Jake looked over his shoulder at her and Mac smiled, meeting his gaze. He returned the smile and followed him deeper into the crowded space, "want a drink?" Jake turned around and asked loudly over the sounds of the bar. She nodded and said, "sure get me a Sam." Jake's attention left her and moved to Liam, Beth, and Tess who had met them here. And Mac looked way scanning the crowd that surrounded them. Her eyes drifting toward the table she always seemed to occupy when she came her with Toll. The red-haired waitress, she'd seen several times when she came here was taking a drink order at that table. Her gaze continued to move about the room it paused when it alighted on a two-tone cowboy hat and a head of over long graying hair. A bright smile lit her face, she hadn't thought that Tool might be here without his normal companions. Her smile twitched up slightly when as she observed the half-dressed leggy blond beside him. Where did he find this one? She thought, observing the heavy makeup and fake breast hanging out of a hardly there black tank top.

Tools arm slid around the woman and he looked up, his surprised gaze meeting hers across the bar. His surprise quickly faded and his normal friendly smile lit his features. Mac glanced at Tess, excused herself and approached Tool. He sat at a small table with his blonde companion, his smile grew brighter as she approached.

The blonde, Mac noticed eyed her calculating. Mac couldn't help but smile bigger, thinking to herself, don't worry honey you've nothing to worry about.

"Fancy meeting you here." Tool said as Mac reached his table. He stood, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her into his side. Macs smiled brightly, slipping her own arm around his thick waist, breathing in the scents of leather and cigar smoke. She glanced up at him, then her gaze moved to his companion whose gaze had narrowed. There was no skill needed to read the look the woman was giving her. Mac smiled anyway and said "hi." The woman mumbled something and looked at Tool. It was obvious she saw Mac as rival or something. Absurd, that's what that idea was, it almost made Mac laugh out loud. She'd been about to ask Tool to introduce them, when he spoke up "where are my manners," he began and his arm slid from around Macs waist. He gave Mac a warm smile, one she returned as he continued, gesturing to his companion. "Mac, this is Delilah." Mac smiled at the woman, instantly wondering if that was her real name and said "hello." Tool continued the introductions and the woman barley smiled, "Lyla, this is Mac." Her expression wasn't anymore impressed, after a moment Tool continued. "She's my good friend's girlfriend."

Tool offered her the empty seat at their small table as he sat again and slipped his arm around his friend. "I wouldn't have expected to see you here tonight." Tool said as Mac cast a glance over her shoulder. Jake and Liam where still waiting at the bar and Tess and Beth had moved to another small table. Mac met Beth's gaze and smiled before she removed her jacket, placing it on the back of the chair, sat down herself and answered. "I didn't expect to be here, " her gaze meeting Tools once more, she continued. "But Jake's leaving tomorrow, we were all at my house and he wanted to come see the band so here I am." Surprised, Tool looked in the direction shed approached from, looking over the crowd but he had no idea what Jake looked like.

Macs gaze followed his and she pointed toward him. "That's him, the tall guy with dark hair, the gray a blue flannel and a red and gray truckers hat on. The guy beside him in the light gray t-shirt with black hair is Liam."

"So that's your partner in crime from your younger days?" He said, conversationally as Mac looked at him again. She nodded, her cheeks reddening slightly, "I guess you could say that." Her attention moved to the table not far away and gesturing that way she said, "and over there is my sister-in-law Beth and my friend Tess." Tool nodded eyeing the two pretty blondes, "which ones related to you." Mac heard the tone in voice that conveyed a little bit of interest. "The long-haired ones married to my brother." Tools interest disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, his attention went back to Lyla whom appeared to be pouting and he said, "I see."

"So how have you been?" He questioned, meeting Macs gaze again, his own gaze holding the same more serious tone his voice had.

"I'm doing alright." Mac thought he might have asked other questions if they'd been alone, instead he just nodded and said, "that's good. I'm around if you need anything." She didn't fail to notice the meaning in his voice. She smiled faintly, her gaze traveling to his companion for a moment, the girl looked even less impressed than before. "Toll told me." Mac replied, ignoring the unimpressed looks being hurled her way.

Jake showed up at her elbow saying, "here's your beer princess," as he handed her the bottle." Mac smiled and introduced him, when her gaze alighted on Lyla she was glad Jake had arrived when he did. Delilah had looked like she was ready to kill, that was until she started eyeing Jake appreciatively. Mac looked at Tool quickly, but if he noticed the way his friend was looking at Jake he didn't let on. Oddly enough, Jake didn't seem to notice either. That struck her as a little odd, he was never obvious about knowing he had a woman's attention, but she knew him well enough to know the subtle signs.

A couple of hours later Jake sat at their table with Mac and watched as she said goodbye to the guy named Tool and his friend. Tess had disappeared a few minutes ago and Liam and Beth were dancing so he didn't have anything to do besides listen as they said the goodbyes. He noted the way Macs expression softened when Tool mentioned Tolls name so when Tool walked away, Jake asked a question he'd been curious about for a long while now. Watching her closely, he asked "You love him?" Mac nearly choked on the mouth full of beer shed had in her mouth. Her gaze swung from the Tools back as he stepped out the door to Jake's face, her own face flaming bright red and she coughed, eyes burning as she tried to swallow the liquid in her mouth. To anyone who didn't know who the _he_ was that Jake referred to, they'd think he was talking about Tool. For a moment he confused Mac herself. Once she got the beer down and stopped coughing, she stammered twice, the first time to deny it, the second.. She wasn't certain.

Jake watched her an amused chuckle escaping him, "well, judging by the coughing fit and you not being able to form sentences, I'd say yes." Mac held his gaze her face turning a brighter shade of red, she could feel the heat practically scalding her cheeks.

Mac watched Jake's amused expression grow under her discomfort and for a second she thought again about denying it. Her gaze traveled to the table and she stared at it a minute. Did she? The thought made her heart race, but she didn't know. She also knew she didn't need to reply, really, it would only give him something more to tease her about, but Jake knew her better than most anyone or he had once. "I don't know," she began her gaze coming back to him, "I care..." She paused, looking at the dance floor this time after a moment she continued, her eyes traveling to him once more. "I care about him so much it scares me some times. And I don't know what I would have done without him through all of this... But I don't know."

"Why don't you know?" Mac just held his gaze and shrugged. Jake's leaned back in his chair, a thoughtful look entering his blue eyes as he scrutinized her, the look softened and he said "well,_ I know_, even if you don't. And I think everyone else does too." Mac didn't even have time to digest Jake's words and he spoke again, his attention moving to the bottle he held in his hand, "I think I've found someone also."

A bright smile appeared on Macs face as shock set in. Could it be that Jake, the guy almost every girl shed met since meeting him had wanted to tame had finally found one he wanted to keep himself? "Who is she? What's her name?" Jake looked at her smiling and shaking his head, he said "nope."

Mac scowled at him playful before he continued, "I'll let you know after I see if she'll even take me seriously."

"I'm sure she will."

"I don't know about that Mac. I'm not exactly the kind of guy that inspires a lot of faith." He replied, after a moment, his voice a little heavy with self-doubt.

"Yeah, I can see that," Mac said, a slight smile on her face as Jake's gaze met hers, a little surprised but just how serious his gaze was, "so maybe you should just convince her." Mac finished in suggestion.

Tess arrived back at the table, her gaze moving between Mac and Jake, curiously. Jake glanced quickly at Tess, his gaze went back to the table for a minute then he stood, grabbing Macs arm, he said "Let's dance."

* * *

><p>Leaning back in the rickety chair at the makeshift table he sat at, Tolls gaze traveled from the charges he'd been busy assembling for the last forty-five minutes to Hale and Yang. Hale's loud obnoxious laughter filling the small abandoned warehouse their informant had suggested they use as a base camp on this mission. Barney and Lee had gone to a nearby town to try to procure some things they needed. Leaving the rest of them to the odd jobs that needed to be done.<p>

Engrossed in his work, Toll had known Caesar and Yang were arguing, not really paying them any attention, he hadn't heard whatever comment or insult Hale had thrown in Yang's direction, but judging from the nonplussed expression on Yang's face and Caesars obvious mirth it was probably entertaining. Smiling faintly as his small friend spit and sputtered, Toll watched them a moment more before his attention went back to the work spread out before him.

His mind drifted to Mac as his hands went back to the familiar task.

His mind had shifted from the mission to her yesterday morning after they'd become airborne and everyone had settled into their typical routines of reading or sleeping or whatever else they did to kill the time. Really, he was trying to not spend every second thinking about her, but it was difficult today. especially, as his hands preformed this familiar work, he done this so many times in his life his movements were almost mechanical. He hoped once this particular part of the job was finished, he'd have something to do that would keep him mentally occupied.

Reaching out he picked up the detonator, the plastic made warm by the desert heat and slid the two thick wires on the back, one bright red the other yellow, into the small chunk of plastic explosive on the table. Then taped it all together and placed it in the black plastic tub on the ground beside him, atop of several layers of the others he assembled so far. His mind still fixed on her. At the moment the vision filling his head was her all messy and sleepy, her hair tangled about her bare shoulders as he'd woke her yesterday morning. His chest began to fill up with the same pressure that almost always accompanied thoughts of her.

Leaving her had left him feeling a little lost. He'd grown used to having her close and being where she was. But that wasn't the only reason he'd felt that way yesterday and still did today. Things where rapidly changing between them, he felt it more every time he was with her or thought about her. It was so easy for him to loose pieces of himself to her, to fall further under her spell. A faint smile tugged at his lips as an unbidden image of her that night at the bar dressed like Clyde Barrow, he'd been charmed by her that night. Really that was night this had all begun, his smile grew broader as he remembered how adorable she'd been. Then his mind moved on, reminding him how much he'd wanted to see her again after that night and how the prospect of it happening had filled his thoughts as they flew home. He left those thoughts behind as his mind drifted back to her yesterday morning.

She'd tried to hide it, but he knew she didn't want him to go anymore than he wanted to leave. She was up and dressed in the same clothes shed had on the night before when he'd gotten back inside from carrying his bag to the truck. Shed been sad. She tried to hide it smiling at him and talking with him as he finished the last few small tasks he'd had to perform before leaving, like making sure the doors and windows were all locked. It had felt strange to have someone there, looking at him that way as he got ready to leave. To be able to see, someone was going to miss him and wished he wasn't leaving at all.

She touched him several times, in those last few minutes, her hand on his arm or his back, she hovered close to him. He hadn't really known what to say or how to respond. He knew from watching her it wasn't fear or anxiety over the recent events in her life that fueled her behavior. Knowing that it was him leaving her that made her react this way had made a slight smile tug at his lips and tenderness tug at his heart.

In the end he'd sat down on the couch, taking her hand in his and pulling her down with him so she sat cuddled against his side and held her. One arm wrapped around her, his other playing in the ends of her soft, still messy hair. Looking for something to say, he'd been ready to tell her he'd be back soon, but shed lifted her head, her lips searching for his and the words had died off. The kiss was brief and gentle. When she pulled back a few seconds later shed sighed heavily and said 'I suppose it's time for you to go, isn't it.' It wasn't a question and Toll knew it was even as his gaze traveled to his watch, but still he answered 'yes.' Her arms tightened around him for just a second then she stood, her gaze coming to him as he stood himself. He found himself saying, reassuringly, a soft smile on his face, the words he'd been about to say when she kissed him, 'I'll be back soon.'

Hed told her he'd drive her home, even though it was only a short walk. Hed opened her door for her and when he'd gotten into his truck himself, he felt her small hand quickly slide into his. When he pulled into her driveway shed quickly moved closer kissing him again. Like the one shed given him just minutes ago this one had melancholy edge to it, the look in her eyes after she'd pulled back and said softly, her voice soft. 'I wish the week was over already,' had left his chest in a swirling chaos of emotion. He shook his head lost in the memory, his hand pausing, in its task, he was uncertain or unable to name how shed made him feel or what word to use to describe it.

But one thing he did know.

Letting her go wasn't really an option anymore. As much as he felt that way, he also knew she could still decided she didn't want him. The knowledge scared him. His stomach filled with dread when seconds later he thought about the things he'd let happen between them several times and the words he'd left unspoken. His mind also reminded him of another worry, the dread in his gut worsened. This one he'd chosen to ignore as well. The only reason for his carelessness he could come up with was his own unwillingness to personally address what he'd done. He hadn't asked her the important questions. The first night they'd been together hadn't been a plan, he could chalk it up to what it was. Shed taken matters into her own hands. It was her that had gotten into the shower with him. He instantly felt bad for the thought, despite the lack of protection there were things he could have done, but he had gotten so caught up in her, he hadn't even thought about what was happening. But he didn't have an excuse for the times that had followed that night. He just knew he shouldn't have been so careless with her. He didn't even know if she was on birth control.

Thankfully, another loud burst of laughter from Hale drew him out of his musings before he could think too deeply about it. Leaving the table and the project hed been working on he went in search of Billy and Gunnar, whom were unloading supplies from the plane. Hoping maybe if he helped them for a bit the exercise would help him get his mind back where he needed it, on the mission.


End file.
